#yuup important info here is that i 100% hated my appearance and felt like a piece of shit my whole life until like 3 years ago max

[lakewinnipeg]

much has been said abt this phenomenon but it does suck emotionally to have the gender/presentation mismatch of feeling good about how you look but the way you look gets sorted by default into just being a Woman but then that causes other problems cuz the interior experience absolutely does not buy into any narrative of womanhood or girlhood

#the only intrinsic motivator is feeling like i look attractive and dignified or whatever #but I don't feel like i can change the script people use to engage with me without changing myself to look less “attractive* #“ #being in the company of women who engage with you on the presumpton that youre a woman but any feeling of 'womanhood' is totally alien #and you want to have sex with them also #& cant say that obviously #brain damaging #id just love to be talked to by acquaintances like im a weird guy who happens to be like incongruously sort of sexy in a girl way #& that is not something that existsssttffffe #yuup important info here is that i 100% hated my appearance and felt like a piece of shit my whole life until like 3 years ago max #omg but bc of this and being less attractive than my peers ppl engaged with me in a way that degendered me #and that was i guess low level dehumanizing to me on their end but it suited me fine #like i was having an Another Secret Third Thing experience & i feel like shit just want her back