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tbzloonar · 2 years

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FIVE MEMORIES OF REALIZATION.

❛ i had one purpose, and the purpose was to realize that that incident was the greatest mistake i have ever made in my entire life. ❜

❥ summary: an angel has granted younghoon one more chance to save his friend, and to fix the worst mistake he has ever done in his entire life—which was completely accidental. ❥ pairing: kim younghoon x gn!reader (ft. kim hyunjin of loona!) ❥ warnings: brief mention of death & vague car accident & a description of drowning, lots of swearing in the first part my bad. not medically accurate, i am not a doctor! ❥ genre: angst, fluff, friends to lovers, soulmate au, life and death? ❥ word count: 3.3k (3,392 words) ❥ a/n: & here it is! finally back from my hiatus. i hope everyone enjoys this piece as much as i enjoyed writing it, i know maya has been waiting for this to drop as soon as i posted the teaser for it (hi maya hope u like this <33) also, apologies for the last part if it was kinda inaccurate (medically wise lol) already put it in the warning but this is what i was able to write with minimal research.

permanent taglist: @kimsohn @seung-scrittore @jangwonie (send an ask to be added or removed!

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YOUNGHOON WAS FUCKED FOR SURE.

He couldn't remember anything for shit, and oh the headache he was having right now was the worst. He couldn't even see anything, even though he had his eyes open, and could feel the movement of them opening and closing as he panicked, all he saw was a color darker than the black he knew. He couldn't feel his body on a surface, it's like he was floating.

He figured this was a dream of some sort, but was starting to panic even more as he faded into sleep. His body felt weak. And then, he finally drifted off.

Only a few seconds later, he jolted awake suddenly, trying to regain his breath while desperately practicing any type of breathing exercise that came to his mind. He felt like he was drowning for a full second, hopelessly trying to reach the shore above. But there was no shore in Younghoon’s case, in fact, he had no clue where the hell he was.

He was in a white room, like—completely white. Everything there was white, the bed he was laying on, the chairs around, the tables and—wait, who is that?

There walked in a woman, everything she wore was also white, she had beautiful long and curly brown hair, thick eyebrows with long eyelashes to compliment her look. Younghoon thought she looked beautiful, if he had to say so himself.

She then laughed, “why thank you.”

Younghoon’s eyes widened in shock, did he really say that out loud? He just embarrassed himself before proper introduction.

“No, you didn’t.” The woman responded. She walked into a part of the room that looked like the kitchen, not different to any of the other rooms as it was also white. She poured some water into her cup and used a spoon to mix the solution. “Tea?”

“Um,” Younghoon by now had already guessed that she could read his mind, so he tried his best to keep his thoughts silent. “No thanks.”

“Hm, shame.” She held her white up and walked towards Younghoon, sitting comfortably on the sofa in front of him.

“Are you an Angel?” Younghoon asked bluntly, not knowing where his sudden confidence came from. He didn’t care though, he did almost die a few moments ago. At this point, he was gonna take any type of risk without rethinking the consequences that would take place.

“Well,” she responded while laughing, “you could say that I am sort of an angel I suppose.”

“So,” Younghoon awkwardly shifted on his bed, looking around the white room for a second inspection then finally settling his eyes on the woman in front of him once more. “I’m in heaven?”

“No, you’re not.” Before Younghoon could panic, she continued. “At least not yet.”

Obviously, that did not help with calming down Younghoon. “What the hell do you mean by not yet?”

“It is as simple as you hear it Mr. Kim,” she addresses him formally which makes the situation even more awkward, at least that’s what Younghoon thinks. But that doesn’t matter now, what matters is that he doesn't know where he is, hell he might even die in a few seconds, depending on what the lady in front of him decides to do.

“Oh, but it’s not my decision to let you die or not,” she smiles with what seems to be an attempt at a comforting smile, yet it still didn’t help Younghoon feel any better. “Believe it or not, it is yours.”

“This has to be a dream of some sort,” Younghoon curls his body up and puts his head into his hands, “you have to be fucking with me.”

“Unfortunately I am not, I can assure you that this is very much real.” She sighs before placing her cup of tea on the small table in front of her, completely ignoring the fact that he had just swore in the presence of an angel, her. “The car accident that you’ve been in a few hours ago was caused by you, and since it was ruled as an accident, you have a chance to fix your mistake. Right here, right now.”

“I’m sorry, I’m not following,” Younghoon shook his head, “I’m not even supposed to be here, I’m supposed to either die or come back alive, I don’t know! You’re the angel here.”

“Indeed I am,” she stood up and walked around the room, looking around, leaving Younghoon confused from behind her. She paused in her footsteps as she looked at a small painting of a water fountain. After some thought, she looked back at Younghoon with a sigh. “You’ve been brought back to me, so I could help you fix your mistake, and find your soulmate.”

“My soulmate is already dead.” Younghoon angrily spoke up at the mention of a soulmate, “I’ve given up already, can we let that go?”

“I’m afraid we cannot,” she smiled warmly and walked towards him, pointing her finger to his face. “I advise you to close your eyes Mr. Kim.”

Younghoon didn’t have time to react as a bright light engulfed and took over his vision completely.

FIRST MEMORY.

Younghoon slowly uncovered his eyes when he realized he couldn’t hear anything. He blinked a couple of times as he tried to regain his already gained vision. Rubbing his eyes with a sigh he quietly stood up and scanned the place around him, he looked like he was in a backroom of some sort–a storage room. There were boxes all around him, before he could even reach the boxes and uncover whatever laid under, a voice interrupted his actions.

That voice was yours.

His head whipped around for his eyes to slowly rest on your figure. You were holding two large boxes that looked quite heavy. He knew you tried to hide it, but it was pretty obvious from the facial expression on your face that you were exhausted. You placed the box on the ground and gently laid your head on a stack of boxes that reached your height. You quickly regained your composure a few seconds later as a voice called your name.

There came out of the dark an older woman, who looked to be in her 70s, walking towards you with a limp in her walk and a small smile on her face. She held your face in her hands and placed a gentle kiss on your forehead.

“Thank you so much for helping me out child,” she took your hand and faced your palm towards the direction of the ceiling, placing a couple of coins in your hand before closing it into a fist.

“Mrs. Lee, I’m fine really, I just wanted to help—” you attempted to persuade her, but she shook her head with a smile.

“You were the only one who helped,” she replied with the smile still on her face, although it was slowly turning into a bittersweet one. “You’re not related to me in blood, unlike my children, yet you still wanted to help.”

Her small whisper broke Younghoon’s heart, he couldn’t understand how they wouldn’t help her with such simple tasks, leaving their mother all alone in her lonely place.

She removed her hand from yours and sighed, “you could wait with me until I close up, if you wish to stay for some tea with me. Although, you are of course free to leave as always.”

You nodded tiredly as a smile formed on your face, matching the one on Mrs. Lee’s face, “I’d love to have some tea with you.”

“That’s great!” She exclaimed, very excited to talk with you later. “I will be working on the cashier, you rest here for a bit.”

With a small nod you replied, too tired to speak, watching her stand out of the storage room and walk off. As soon as you were sure that she was out of your eye sight, you collapsed. Younghoon attempted to catch you but ended up falling with you as he realized that his hand went right through you. His eyes studied your lips as they parted, trying to make the breathing process a bit easier for yourself.

He looked back into your eyes that were staring at whatever was behind him, and slowly but shakingly tried to place your hand beside your cheek, caressing it softly and ignoring the times his hand went through you.

Younghoon sighed as the place started to slowly fade, as well as everything in front of him.

SECOND MEMORY.

Younghoon’s eyes land on the students that walk around him, not paying attention to him. Of course, he isn’t surprised by that fact. He already has accepted that he is somehow invincible, stuck in his memories filled by you. Why you?

He questions where you are in the groups of students when a voice from behind him catches his attention.

“I don’t think I will ever understand any homework that she assigns, I swear!”

You laugh at their comment and walk beside them, following their pace. “It’s not that bad really, maybe you just hate the professor.”

“Or maybe you’re just too good at this subject!” They exclaim at your reply of defense, “you’re like the top student in her class.”

“I guess I just understand everything that she says easily,” you shrugged your shoulders and paused your walking to face your friend, once you realized you reached their class. “Or maybe it’s because I grew up with my family’s obsession with this whole major, I guess.”

Your friend rolled their eyes at your explanation that they had already heard, from all the times that you have told them and your other friends of small bits of your childhood in nostalgic conversations. Before they could speak, you cut them off with a quick offer. “If you want, I could help you like always.”

“Oh my god yes!” Your friend accepts with a smile as they squish you with a tight yet friendly hug. “Thank you so much!”

“It’s no problem really,” you break the contact and look back at them with the same smile, “see you later?”

“I’ll see you after my class, thank you again!”

Younghoon watches the friend walks to their class with a tinge of jealousy in his eyes, he then looks back at you and raises his eyebrows when he sees you reading from your phone. He walks over to your side and reads the email that the teacher has sent, explaining the assignment.

Now that you have— not one, but two assignments to work on for your class, you are definitely going to be busier than usual today. Younghoon wishes that he could help you, but knows he is incapable of doing anything currently.

He sighs sadly.

THIRD MEMORY.

Younghoon finds himself in a place full of crowded people yet again, though he’s not in his school’s campus, but a busy street. He is specifically in front of a random charity store.

He feels himself slowly becoming disappointed when he notices everyone ignoring the store and going their way, realizing that the store had been empty for a while.

Just as he had been wishing, you finally walked by him. Your steps suddenly pause, as well as Younghoon who was planning to follow you and walk by your side. He watches you walk towards the shop with a worried look in your eyes, he could tell you were contemplating whether or not to get inside and donate.

With only a small amount of money in your wallet, you head into the store with an optimistic smile. Greeting the person behind the counter kindly and handing the money they had.

Younghoon watched you with a bitter smile on his face, finding it quite bittersweet. With each memory he learns more and more about your kind heart.

FOURTH MEMORY.

“Huh?” Younghoon whispers to himself as he scans the place around him, he finds the place familiar, as if he had been in it before. The brick walls of the alleyway cover him.

“Aww, hello there,” you coo at the kittens and the mom that were excited at the smell of food, the cat food that you bought from the pet shop down the street. “Oh, aren’t you all so cute?”

He realizes from the familiar clothes that you wore, that this memory might have been made on the same day as the charity place memory.

Younghoon turned his attention from the walls onto you, who’s crouched down and petting the cats as they eat the food that you put down for them. He walks over and crouches down as well, the smile on his face blooms as he looks at your face. He wonders if he’s ever paid attention to these special facial features on your face before.

His attention goes back to the cats in front of him. He attempts to pet them but his hands go through them obviously, yet he still pretends as if he’s petting them normally. The cat meows at him and he pauses in response, feeling surprised at the cat feeling his presence, if not even being touched by him.

He looks back at you and feels his cheek go warm as a pretty pink settles over his face. Younghoon definitely knows what his favorite memory is now.

FIFTH MEMORY.

“The flower shop, aye?” Hyunjin asks you.

“Well, yeah I guess,” you giggle in reply, “Mrs. Lee needed some help and I offered to help around the store here and there. I also go there sometimes to just talk with her, she’s become a great friend.”

“That’s great to hear,” Younghoon snaps his head in horror as he looks at himself, sitting in his respective seat. Memory Younghoon flashes a smile while you shyly look away and back at Hyunjin, continuing the conversation.

He remembers this memory clearly, as he had been in that position before, sitting in a coffee shop with his friends, chatting about anything and everything. You were there too, which makes sense why he was viewing this memory.

Younghoon, though, was now even more confused than he was before, the lady in the white room never explained that this could be possible. But, he guesses that anything could be possible when some sort of angel is involved.

The conversation continues and eventually comes to an end, everybody packs up their stuff and leaves— including Memory Younghoon. Out of everybody, only you and Hyunjin stay.

“When are you going to tell him?”

You choke on your drink, and Younghoon raises his eyebrows in confusion, while looking back and forth at the two of you. “Tell who?” You ask and act clueless, as if you don’t know what she’s talking about.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about Y/N,” she leaned in closer and crossed her arms. She whispers angrily, "when are you going to stop ignoring those dreams? I’ve been telling you that the only possible way to end the dreams might be just to tell him about them.”

“I don’t know,” you put your cup down and bite your lip anxiously, “I can’t just walk up to him randomly and be like ‘oh hey, I’m your soulmate, by the way,’ especially after—”

“Exactly!” Hyunjin cuts you off and leans back with a scoff, “that's exactly why he deserves to know. After Younghoon has told us that there's no chance that he has a soulmate, you could change that completely. His soulmate— is you.”

Younghoon stares at your face as you continue on talking, but your voice has been blocked out from his mind. The only thing he could focus on was you, and nothing else around him. He was in shock, he couldn’t form a sound and felt like everything surrounding him was going in slow motion.

He snapped and was brought back to reality as soon as he noticed everything around him fade, his panic began to settle in as he ran towards you and tried catching your attention. He yelled and called out your name multiple times, but to no avail, no response was said from you.

Before the bright light engulfed his vision, he screamed at the top of his lungs and declared that his soulmate was you, Y/N L/N, all along. He wished in the couple of seconds that he had left that he would be given more time with you, not in memories, but in real time.

Younghoon’s eyes open and he stares back at the white ceiling that greeted him, panic engulfs him as he begins to think that he failed, and was sent back to the angel and the white room that he awoke in before.

He sits up with sudden energy, and then the pain finally takes in. He shouts in pain and holds his head in both hands, breathing quick as he tries to regain his vision and focus on the furniture that is placed in front of his bed. His screams and shouts catch the attention of nurses outside the room, and as the nurses surround him with quick moves, he is brought back to unconsciousness yet again.

He wakes up a few hours later, and the headache greets him as soon as he opens his eyes, he groans and sits up— slower than last time. Younghoon looks around the room and is surprised to see a nurse there too, organizing some things in the corner.

“Excuse me?” Younghoon speaks up.

“Yes?” The nurse replies and turns around to face him, “do you need anything?”

“Oh no,” Younghoon shakes his head then clears his throat, “just, how long have I been here?”

“About two weeks,” the nurse replies with a warm and professional smile on his face.

“The two people that were with me that day, are they okay?” Younghoon asks with worry in his voice, hoping nothing that he didn’t want to happen comes out of the nurse’s mouth.

“Yes, they are,” he responds with the same positive energy. “Fortunately, the accident injured one and almost killed the other, but they are alive, thankfully.”

“Oh,” Younghoon couldn’t explain how relieved he felt at that moment, “thank you so much.”

“It’s no problem.”

Later that day, after laying in his bed and doing nothing but eating, he is notified that he has a visitor. He looks at the door expecting some of his family members to walk in, but is surprised to see Hyunjin walk in with a bouquet of flowers.

“Hi Younghoon,” Hyunjin places the bouquet beside him on the table and sits on the chair beside the bed. “Very good to see you alive and well.”

“Hyunjin,” he stares at her with his mouth open, unsure if he wants to tell her or not. Hyunjin tilts her head and waits for him to talk, and Younghoon talks. “I know that Y/N is my soulmate.”

Her jaw drops and the two of them sit in silence, with Hyunjin confused as ever at what she had just heard.

A week later, Younghoon had regained most control over his body, and was granted permission to visit his friends, and he knew exactly who he would visit first. He stared at the door of your room with contemplated thoughts, then finally pushed the door open and walked in.

He closed the door behind him and looked at your surprised face, surprised that he would visit you at such a time. Before you could ask him how he was, he cuts you off with a small greeting.

“Hi soulmate,” with simple words that came from his mouth, all hell broke loose in your mind.

Your jaw dropped at his words, similar to Hyunjin’s reaction from before, making him chuckle quietly. He watched as you looked at him with shock, stunned and dazed to the point where you couldn’t move, unable to think. You couldn’t process or think of a way of how he found out the truth.

His smile stretched wider, Younghoon thinks to himself and decides that he had lied before, this is definitely his new favorite memory. However, he wonders. He wonders if this favorite memory would ever change, as he knows for a fact that both of your lives have now merged, creating a new future full of memories that include the both of you— together, as you two should be.

Memories that will definitely be more than five this time.

#training myself to write longer fics #—self rb

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