the-mystical-aquatic-gay

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when the whole house got the autism

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[the-mystical-aquatic-gay]

Well you see minors under 25 years old should not be allowed to get gender reassignment surgery because what if they go to the clinic but instead of giving them a normal penis the nurses mess up and give them the evil penis. That's irreversible

[the-mystical-aquatic-gay]

So we all know that Tumblr is US-centric. But to what degree? (and can we skew the results of this poll by posting it at a time where they should be asleep?)

Reblog to increase sample size!

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in the hour or so it took me to draw this op turned reblogs off

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Adult Swim making an unholy amount of sense.

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goat fight. non-negotiable.

[the-mystical-aquatic-gay]

why did no one tell me quantum computers looked like that

[the-mystical-aquatic-gay]

[Jason panic searching his room]

Jason: "WHERE IS IT?!"

Tim : "what is *it*?

Jason: "You would know if saw it! Just help me look!"

Dick: "Hey, let's just calm down. What are we looking for?"

Jason: "I bought home an injured snake yesterday on patrol and I was planning on dropping it off at the vet today."

Dick: "that's not so bad."

Jason: "If Damian finds it we're going to have a pet snake. And you're the only one he would trust to feed it."

[Jason, Dick and Tim frantically searching the manor.]

Meanwhile

[Damian in the cave full Robin costume with snake around his shoulders - Maniacal laughter.]

Bruce suddenly sits straight up in his seat in the watch tower, a full body shiver taking over him.

Bruce: "Somethings wrong"

[the-mystical-aquatic-gay]

When I was younger and researching the autism diagnosis criteria and symptoms, I thought “oh I couldn’t POSSIBLY be autistic.” Because when I read “takes everything literally” I thought it literally meant EVERYTHING and I was like “I don’t take EVERYTHING literally, just most things!” And I just realized the other day that it didn’t actually mean EVERYTHING and that was an overstatement.

[the-mystical-aquatic-gay]

till deactivation do us part

[the-mystical-aquatic-gay]

So I’m on a trip with my robotics team and there’s only two “girls” (me, an enby, and a cis girl), so we get our own beds in our own room, but the guys are rooming four to a room, but there’s only two beds in each room. Which means that two guys are sleeping on the floor every night.

I’m not joking. They were literally arguing over who’s sleeping on the floor tonight (apparently they plan on rotating).

And I asked them “why don’t you just share a bed?” And they all gave me the same answer:

“No, that’s weird! That’d be gay!”

And I just looked at them and I decided to break the bad news to them

“If lying next to another guy makes you wanna suck dick, you already wanted to suck dick.”

I’ve never seen so many Straight Guys™️ enraged by a single sentence before

[the-mystical-aquatic-gay]

[the-mystical-aquatic-gay]

You are a literal god who pretends to be a d-list superhero. You’ve grown extremely attached to the people of the village you protect. You get news that an epic battle is taking place near your village and would most likely destroy it…

[the-mystical-aquatic-gay]

Blind Date 

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. “What would you like to do first, ?” asked Joe.

“I want to get weighed,” she said. They walked over to the weight guesser, and he guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale. It read 117, so she won a prize.

The couple then went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe asked again what Kim would like to do. “I want to get weighed,” she said.

Since they had been there before, the weight guesser guessed her weight correctly, and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. “I want to get weighed,” she responded.

Joe decided that Kim was weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a hand shake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, “How’d it go?”

Kim responded, “Oh, Waura, it was wousy.”