the-suite

[the-suite]

Wheatley and GLaDOS travel down the hallway back to the lab from The Emcee’s room after their first day of writing.

Wheatley: Okay, that wasn’t as bad as I expected it to be. ‘As bad’ being the operative words. Still a lot of…not so good moments. But a fair amount of okay moments as well.

GLaDOS doesn’t respond, either as an agreement or as a retort. They continue towards the lab.

From behind, The Emcee emerges, admiring her handiwork. 

They’re already getting along.

All according to plan.

Loki sneaks behind the Emcee’s back, a mischievous grin plastering his face.

Loki, whispering in her ear: Not bad.

The Emcee, just barely able to stop herself from yelping, jumps at Loki’s surprise. She shoots him a sassy look.

Loki: So, are you going to disclose to those robotic friends of yours the fact that you aim to ship them by the end of this?

Emcee, smirking: I’m gonna soften the blow first. Throw some contention in with some teeny friendship scenes here and there. Then expand the friendship moments and then sneak in some shippy stuff before going in for the kill.

Loki: Didn’t you at one point call it shippy goodness?

Emcee: I sure did. So Loki, are you gonna spoil my fun and reveal my secret prematurely?

Loki: Certainly not. Mischief like this is too good to shorten for the purposes of a cheap thrill. No, I want to see this come to fruition. Just promise me you’ll let me hide in on the session where they realize your little gambit.

Emcee: I’ll do my best. But no promises. They might discover it early.

The Emcee and Loki watch as GLaDOS and Wheatley enter the door, already back to bickering about who should go in first. GLaDOS pushes Wheatley, winning the right to enter two seconds before he does.

Loki: I wouldn’t bet on it.

[the-suite]

*Note: This was written before Chapter 1 of “Clung to Me” came out.*

Emcee, walking into the lab to see GLaDOS and Wheatley doing their own things: Hey, guys!

Wheatley: Hello!

GLaDOS: Hello.

Emcee: Wheatley, GLaDOS, I’ve got some good news for you!

GLaDOS: Are you finally getting this moron out of my lab?

Wheatley: Hey! It’s a free lab!

GLaDOS: This lab is meant to be a central hub of science. You are not science. You are a moron and the worst thing ever created.

Wheatley: Rude!

GLaDOS: Yes, your very existence is rude. How observant of you. For once. 

Emcee: HEY!

GLaDOS and Wheatley turn to me.

Emcee: Does anyone want to hear my good news? *Both robots nod* I think I’m finally gonna write a Portal story!

Wheatley: That’s amazing! Ooh! What kind of story is it gonna be? A thrilling adventure? A college AU? Ooh! Am I gonna be a dinosaur?!

The Emcee smiles, but shakes his head.

Emcee: None of the above, I’m afraid.

GLaDOS, sarcastically: Don’t leave us in suspense. Tell us already.

Emcee: Well, it’s gonna be an AU of Portal 2.

Wheatley: Yay! I’m gonna be in it!

Emcee, petting the top of Wheatley’s chassis: Of course you’re gonna be in it!

Wheatley smiles, giving a smug glance to GLaDOS.

GLaDOS: Please tell me he gets sent into space sooner.

Wheatley, now indignant: Please tell me she becomes a potato sooner!

Emcee: Actually, neither of those things are gonna happen. 

*The Emcee sees Wheatley and GLaDOS about to share another round of quips so he speaks fast to stop them in their tracks* 

Emcee: You see, during the first fight against GLaDOS, just as Wheatley is about to be inserted for the core transfer, there’s an earthquake. It’s a big one: Enough to almost destroy the Central AI chamber, collapses the elevator, send Chell falling down the chute, and cause extensive damage to the two of you.

Wheatley: Oh my God! What happens next?

Even GLaDOS seems interested at this point, as she tilts her head just so.

Emcee: You guys are all knocked out and it’s unclear if Chell even survived the incident. 

Wheatley: Of course she does! She’s Chell! She can survive anything!

Emcee, shrugging: Maybe she does, maybe she doesn’t. Who can say?

Wheatley: YOU can say!

Emcee: Do you want to hear my story idea or not? 

*Wheatley stops talking* 

Emcee: So, when you and GLaDOS get out of sleep mode, you both notice something weird.

Wheatley: WHAT IS IT?

Emcee, smirking: The two of you are stuck together.

Wheatley, his excitement now giving way to a terrified disbelief and his pupil receding to just a tiny blue dot: What.

Emcee: You try pulling apart, but it’s useless. GLaDOS runs diagnostics and it shows that the damage that you and GLaDOS took was so severe that in order to still function, you have to collectively use each other’s hardware.

GLaDOS, in a matter-of-fact tone: No.

Emcee: Come again?

GLaDOS: No. You are not making that. That’s not a story, that’s torture. 

Emcee: GLaDOS, you of all beings shouldn’t be one to talk! You love torture!

GLaDOS: I love it when it’s for science. This isn’t for science. This is to feed your sick, terrible mind sick, terrible thrills. You’re not doing it. 

Emcee: I don’t think you have a say in that, GLaDOS. 

*Wheatley looks like he’s about to whine* 

Emcee: You either, Wheatles. Now, do you guys want to work with me here and get a say in the project, or are you just gonna let my indulgent self run this show? I mean, come on, the premise is cool. Don’t you want to see what lies in store for you?

GLaDOS and Wheatley look at each other. Both clearly can’t stand the premise, but the small bits of intrigue in there are fascinating. Besides, they know what the Emcee is capable of if she’s not kept in line.

Wheatley: Fine.

GLaDOS: If only to prevent you from doing something truly reprehensible with this little project.

Emcee, shrugging: Look, odds are I’ll probably end up dropping the WIP before anything truly reprehensible can happen. But if I don’t, who knows what kind of reprehensibility I might be capable of. 

*There’s an evil gleam in her eye*

GLaDOS: I’ll stop you before you can.

Wheatley: Yes, I’m not going to besmirch my good name with your reprehensibility!

Emcee, now beaming: Look at you two – we haven’t even begun writing yet and you’re already on the same page! This is gonna be great! *

The Emcee walks away from the robots* 

Emcee: Welp, I’m off to go grab some breakfast. Reuben told me he’s making PB&Js! Start brainstorming!

The Emcee exits the lab, leaving GLaDOS and Wheatley alone. They look at each other.

Wheatley: This is going to be a bloody nightmare, isn’t it?

GLaDOS: No. Nightmares you can wake from. This is going to be far, far worse.

[the-suite]

It’s nighttime. Everyone is either sleeping or off to sleep. In the Suite’s lab, GLaDOS sees Wheatley lowering himself on his rail, nestling himself on the memory foam pillow he has in his corner of the suite’s lab and corralling the little gingham cloth he uses as a blanket into his handle like it was a human tucking a napkin into their shirt.

GLaDOS: You realize you don’t actually feel any of those things in sleep mode, right? And that you can just as easily go into sleep mode suspended from your rail as you can on that pillow and it will make literally no difference?

Wheatley: *shrugging via quickly lifting and lowering himself on his rail* I know. But it feels nice. Besides, I might as well do something special for myself. Everyone’s off to sleep, and my rails don’t go to their rooms – design flaw, if you ask me – so I’m on my lonesome. Except for you – not that I’d want to hang out with you. No offense, luv.

GLaDOS: The feeling’s mutual, though in my case, offense is very much intended. I also don’t understand why you choose to make your little hovel here. The living room has plenty of space for you to stay in without being around – and by proxy, bothering – me.

Wheatley ignores her snide comments, smiling via his curved optic as he figures out his answer.

Wheatley: Shuri’s always up first and from here, I can hear her get up so we can hang out all the sooner!

GLaDOS: Even still, the Emcee wakes up pretty early, too. Why not wait for her in the living room?

Wheatley: The Emcee has a rule called “No Wheatley for the first hour of my day.” Kind of rubbish if you ask me, but the last time I broke it, she threw an empty water bottle at me! It didn’t hurt, but...it wasn’t fun either.

GLaDOS: And Shuri doesn’t have that same rule?

Wheatley: Hers is only “No Wheatley for the first half hour of my day.” And it goes down to ten minutes if I have coffee ready for her when she enters the lab!

GLaDOS snorts. 

GLaDOS: How does it feel to now function as a coffee boy?

Wheatley: I don’t know. How does it feel to no longer be the smartest being in town? 

GLaDOS attempts to retort, but Wheatley beats her to the punch.

Wheatley: I mean, even you can’t deny Shuri’s smarter, not to mention friendlier, cooler, prettier–

GLaDOS: Be quiet!

Wheatley, moving his handles as if to say “Settle down”: Alright, alright. *His optic forms a smirk* Don’t want to wake up Shuri, after all. Geniuses like us need our sleep. Good night! 

Wheatley enters sleep mode before GLaDOS can retort. 

GLaDOS: Note to self. Ask Shuri tomorrow if she’s interested in performing a live core dissection. Emphasis on the “live.” For now, at least…

[the-suite]

Reuben, holding a PB&J, notices the Emcee sitting on the floor of the balcony alone. He looks frustrated and confused.

Reuben: Hey Emcee, mind if I join you?

Emcee, shrugging: Sure.

Reuben slides past the Emcee and sits on one of the balcony table’s chairs. The Emcee shoots him a fleeting smile, but he doesn’t pretend that it’s all that powerful.

He looks at him and sees that his mood hasn’t changed.

Reuben: What up?

Emcee: I like the Suite.

Reuben: Pretty sure the Suite likes you, too. 

Emcee, nodding: I know. But you know there’s a world outside this Suite, one that I have to live in.

Reuben: Yup. Sure do.

Emcee: It’s a beautiful world in so many ways. There’s oceans and rivers and flowers and art and-

Reuben: Sandwiches.

Emcee, giggling: We really have to get you to try new foods.

Reuben, shaking his head: That’s neither here nor there.

The Emcee sighs.

Emcee: But there’s so much wrong with the world, too. Racism, sexism, homophobia, the destruction of our world’s life all around us. It makes me wonder what kind of future this world has. I wonder if there’s even a point to planning out or working towards a future of my own. I’m not going to not, but-.

Reuben: The work is thankless and hard. And if you only have so much time in this world, why bother with it for something that might not exist?

Emcee, nodding: Yup.

Reuben: Trust me, I get it better than most.

Emcee: I know. That’s why I’m glad you’re here.

Reuben: That and my sandwiches.

Reuben hands the Emcee half of his PB&J. He stuffs half of it into his face and pats his stomach.

Emcee: Yep, that and your sandwiches.

They sit in silence for some time, staring out the balcony window. It’s pretty.

After about twenty minutes or so, the Emcee sighs.

Reuben: How are you feeling?

Emcee: Still pessimistic, but better. I can’t save the world, but it’s worth building a future so I can hang out with my friends for as long as I can, right?

Reuben: I think so.

Emcee: I don’t see how the world can get better, but it doesn’t mean it’s not possible. It’s just...going to be more challenging or come about in an unexpected way. To tell you the truth, my fingers are crossed for an alien invasion.

Reuben: You sure about that?

Emcee: It’s gotta be better than our current prospects.

Reuben: Well, we do offer free health care and no one cares who you marry. And everyone respects everyone’s genders.

Emcee: See? Better already!

Reuben and the Emcee giggle.

Reuben: I know this is only one of your worlds, but I think this place is pretty nice. Everyone’s a sasshole, but it’s fun and we’ve got a full fridge. 

Emcee: Thanks, Reuben. 

Reuben: Now we just have to cut those puns of yours by like about 50% and then it would be perfect!

The Emcee sticks her tongue out at Reuben.

The Emcee: Thank you, Reuben. You’ve reuBEEN a great help!

Reuben facepalms, the rest of his sandwich still in the hand. The Emcee laughs, Reuben looks into the camera like he’s on The Office.

[the-suite]

Welcome to The Suite: Now What the Fuck is The Suite?

Honestly, I barely know myself yet. I was inspired by something my friend @thursdaysdove showed me: A blog that’s just you...hanging out with your favorite characters living in the same home. It’s a place where your fictional found family is always just a trip to your imagination away. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have friends you adore and can always count on or go to -- but if you ever want, you have these guys as well.

You can work through your problems, get comfort from your comfort characters, get into wacky sitcom shenanigans and...make the world something small and nice that you can control.

It sounded fun.

So yeah, this is my take on it.

I designed the suite of my dreams. 

Now who am I? I’m The Emcee. Why not just use my name?

Well, that’s because I might not know it anymore, sort of. I’m non-binary (Bigender, specifically -- my pronouns are she/he) and I’m not sure if I want to stick with my present name or try something different.

So that’s part of me. I also like puns, sarcasm, board games, and shenanigans.

Who else lives here?

I’m so glad you asked! Let me introduce my Suite-ies!

First, we’ve got Reuben/Experiment 625 from the Lilo and Stitch series. He has all of his younger cousin’s abilities, but rather than destroying or taking advantage of those strengths, he prefers to make sandwiches. He’s really damn good at making them, too, and fortunately, he’s willing to share the wealth in the Suite, so he’s kind of like the Suite’s main chef. He doesn’t cook everything, but he tends to man breakfast and a fair amount of lunch. Also, to put it bluntly, Reuben is a complete and utter sasshole --  never missing a chance for a snarky remark when the opportunity rears its head -- and I fucking love him for it! He’s my best friend in the Suite and we’re often seen watching TV together or eating in the main room.

Now give it up for Gantu, also from the Lilo and Stitch series. He’s super big with a fish-like head and after getting away from one bad boss and having a bit of a career as a galactic captain, he’s happy to take a break as a resident in the Suite. Gantu is Reuben’s best friend and the feeling is mutual, though their interactions wouldn’t always give that off. See, Gantu...he can be very sweet and is absolutely one of the most hardworking people you’re ever gonna meet, but...he tends to be pretty bad at almost everything he does. It’s sad because that’s not for lack of trying that he ends up messing up, but that’s just how it goes! So when you pair a sasshole like Reuben with a streak like that, you get a lot of snark. Still though, they lived together for years andcare about each other.

Next on deck, we’ve got Loki from the MCU! Loki’s our resident God of Mischief and his Suite mates give him plenty of opportunities to act on his title. He’s got magical abilities, skills with a blade, and a wit that can keep up with most everyone in the Suite. Like Reuben and myself, he is another sasshole, but where he differs is that he’s got ambitions that he is always excited to act on. He’s not the most trustworthy of Suite-ies, but he keeps things interesting around here!

Now let’s talk about Wheatley from the Portal series! How does one describe Wheatley? Well, GLaDOS would call him a moron (But we’ll get to her shortly), but there’s more to him than that! ...That’s not to say that he’s NOT a moron: He absolutely is. But he’s a friendly, funny little doofus with energy, a management rail, some delusions of grandeur, and a dream. He’s goofy and silly and gets along...eh-ish with most of his Suite mates, one of whom is his mutually reluctant roommate GLaDOS. Still, I wouldn’t have him any other way! He’s the absolute epitome of a Suite-ie!

Can I get a warm welcome for GLaDOS from the Portal series?! Yes, the Genetic Life and Disc Operating System herself resides in my Suite’s lab. Here in the Suite, she has no access to any of Aperture’s more lethal technology, but as always, her snark is as sharp as a katana. That’s good because on top of the rest of the sassholes here, she deals regularly with her roommate, Wheatley. Their relationship is...contentious, but they learn to live with each other. Though GLaDOS has a management rail of her own that can transport her chassis wherever she wishes in the Suite, she prefers to stay in the lab. 

Can you tell I’m ready to talk about Chell?! Our last Suit-ie from the Portal series, Chell is a perfect mix of laid back and no-nonsense. She doesn’t talk, and that’s generally the way she likes it. She has a bit of a pseudo rivalry with GLaDOS and has made peace with Wheatley as he’s no longer under the Mainframe’s influence and is able to properly apologize and make amends for the events of Portal 2. Chell’s simple, but also generally chill as long as you’re not bullying or trying to hurt anyone. She’s probably the most observant person in the Suite and that keeps her safe from everyone’s pranks and BS, but at the same time is always one of the first people to offer a helping hand or just listen.

Let’s keep our roll call going with Shuri from the MCU! Hailing from the nation of Wakanda, Shuri is not just its princess, but one of the sharpest minds the nation or the world has ever seen. In the Suite, Shuri continues her work, creating all sorts of awesome inventions to make life here and in Wakanda even better. She’s highly respected as the smartest person in the Suite, even by fucking GLaDOS, and that is no small feat! Though often found in her lab or her room, Shuri’s far from antisocial. She’s often up for participating in the Suite’s shenanigans, whether it be helping out some party in a prank war, taking her tech out for a crazy spin and leading an adventure or two, or just getting involved in the latest sasshole fight with everyone else. 

Our next Suit-ie is no stranger to suites – it’s Mr. Marian Moseby from The Suite Life of Zack and Cody/Suite Life on Deck! The former manager of both the Tipton Hotel as well as the S.S. Tipton, Mr. Moseby likes things to be just so. He’s a fan of order, cleanliness, and peace. …So yeah, the Suite might be his polar opposite environment. He shows as much off through his sometimes dramatic reactions to things as he tries to keep the Suite from becoming an utter circus. Still, Moseby is very much a father figure to The Emcee – earnest, gentle, supportive, and always full of good advice and hugs. In the Suite’s ocean of chaos, he can sometimes be the grounded oasis that she needs. He’s a sharp dresser, often wearing a dark suit with a matching tie and pocket hanky every day, but on a warm/hot day, he will wear formal shorts instead of pants.

Sans from Undertale is completely SANS-sational. A fellow lover of puns, hot dogs, and lazing around, Sans is absolutely the chillest guy in the Suite. He’s a skeleton in a blue sweatshirt and pink slippers who spends most of his days napping, watching TV, coming up with jokes to annoy his brother Papyrus and bounce off of his neighbor Toriel, and just observing the Suite’s various goings ons. That said, there’s a bit of melancholy to Sans, hidden well though not completely by his jokes and laid back attitude. It’s hard to explain, but if you get to know him well enough, you can get the sense that life’s been difficult for him and even in the Suite, he hasn’t fully shaken that off. And you NEVER want to get on his bad side, so don’t you DARE fuck with Papyrus or Toriel. But he’s always good with advice and laughs aplenty and if you stay on his good side, he’s a good pal.

Papyrus from Undertale is Sans’ brother. Papyrus has ambition in spades and is always prepared to take on a challenge. He’s a dedicated worker and the kindest skeleton you will ever meet. That also said, he’s not…the sharpest tool in the shed. He’s by no means an idiot, but between his naivete, his trusting nature, and his…delusions of grandeur, he is prone to make an incorrect assumption or two. And less kind minds will take advantage of those qualities to make him do chores or fall victim to pranks. But thankfully, the Suite’s kinder souls are looking after him – especially his skelebrom Sans. The only problem with that is that unlike myself, Papyrus hates Sans’ puns. Papyrus loves to cook, especially spaghetti. However, he’s kind of terrible at it.

Toriel is our final Undertale Suite-ie! Toriel is a goat monster, but ‘monster’ only applies in terms of classification. In reality, Toriel is one of the most loving figures in the Suite. With the help of her soft goat-like fur, she easily gives the best hugs out of everyone in the Suite. Emcee, Wheatley, Papyrus, and Alice see Toriel as something of a mother figure and go to her for advice and her nealy boundless supply of love. One of Toriel’s biggest passions is baking – she loves baking, teaching people how to bake, smelling baked goods, and eating the baked fruits/pastries of her labor. In fact, the only conflict Toriel has with the Emcee is that she won’t eat her Butterscotch-Cinnamon pie, a pie that Toriel both loves making and watching her friends enjoy (Sorry Tori, I don’t like Butterscotch).

Another utter Suite-heart, Alice Jones from Once Upon a Time is one of the Suite’s kindest habitants. The former Guardian of the realms as well as a former prisoner in a magical tower, Alice is now just…Alice! With a heart warmer than a fireplace in July, strong light magic, a love of marmalade sandwiches, and a unique way of seeing the world, Alice makes the Suite shine with a light all her own. Still, Alice isn’t just a goody two-shoes. While not as mischievous as the God of it, she definitely loves getting involved in some of the Suite’s craziness, especially with her wife Robin in tow. Alice loves everyone around her and is someone who will always lend an ear and a voice of reason/madness to anyone who needs it.

Alice’s wife Robin Mills is also from Once Upon a Time. She loves Alice, food, archery, and silliness (In that exact order). She and Alice are each other’s greatest complements and supporters! At first glance, one might deem Robin as simple, youthful, and maybe a touch impulsive -- and she can be -- but she’s also wise beyond her years. Her relationships with her family and Alice have given her a really nice perspective on the world. Still, she’s fun-loving and always excited for the next adventure, whether big or small.

Finally, we’ve got Snek the Dratini from Pokemon! Snek may be a dragon, but he’s such a snake-like noodle that I couldn’t resist giving him a snake-like name! Snek loves cuddling, fish or meat that is either super raw or well done, belly rubs, and good old fashioned snoot boops! When in a particularly cuddly mood, Snek will coil himself around the body of his target of choice and give them a big (Though not painful) hug. Some like myself, Alice, and Toriel like it. Others like Loki, Reuben, and Papyrus…do not. Still, Snek has a good sense of other’s emotions and will always come by and offer pets and snuggles if he senses they are needed. Warning: Snek does NOT want to evolve and thus several Everstones are placed throughout the Suite just in case the evolution process starts.

So, now that all of the introductions are out of the way, let me show you what the Suite looks like (Or as close as I can get to a visual of it with my non-existent art abilities)!

Anyway, if you find yourself on the third floor entrance to a lavish suite, feel free to ring the doorbell, come on in, have some laughs, and maybe find a Suite of your own somewhere in your heart.