theabandonedunknown-blog

[theabandonedunknown-blog]

dont know what the fuck this is

DO YOU EVER KIND OF WONDER WHAT LOVE REALLY IS? IS IT a FIGMENT OF OUR IMAGINATION? FLASHING BACK A HANDFUL OF YEARS… I HAD FALLEN IN LOVE FOR THE FIRST TIME. OR SO I HAD THOUGHT. (((THIS WILL JUMP AROUND THREE BILLION TIMES BEFORE YOU’LL UNDERSTAND THE POINT OF WRITING IT, OR AT LEAST WHO I AM AS A PERSON.))) WELL, KNOWING MYSELF I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT I AM ALWAYS HESITANT TO GET CLOSE TO PEOPLE IN TERMS OF A RELATIONSHIP. I DO NOT LIKE FEELING VULNERABLE AND I HAVE TROUBLE WITH MANY THINGS SUCH AS INTIMACY, EYE CONTACT, WHATEVER. IVE ALWAYS BEEN SO CURIOUS ABOUT LOVE, MAKING ME JUST ABOUT THE STUPIDEST PERSON ANYONE COULD KNOW. I WANT TO FEEL WHAT REAL LOVE IS LIKE, I WANT TO UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING SPOKEN ABOUT AND WRITTEN IN THE BOOKS. I AM AWARE THAT I AM YOUNG, BUT IT FEELS LIKE TIME IS RUNNING OUT. I HAVE ALWAYS FELT LIKE I NEED TO COMPLETE THE BIG THINGS IN LIFE IMMEDIATELY. MAYBE THIS IS BECAUSE A HIGHER POWER KNOWS I WILL NOT BE HERE LONG. ANYWAY, I AM TERRIFIED YET CURIOUS. MY FIRST RELATIONSHIP I FORCED MYSELF TO LOVE THIS BEING, WITH EVERYTHING I HAD. THIS WAS THE WORST DECISION I COULD EVER MAKE. I WAS 15. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA. LITTLE DID I KNOW THIS PERSON WOULD THEN RUIN MY ENTIRE LIFE AND FIVE YEARS LATER I WOULD STILL HAVE BEEN WITH THEM…. STUPID, YES. (NEVER ONCE SAID I WAS SMART)..... BLAH BLAH BLAH, MORAL OF THE STORY IS I LEFT THAT WITH A FEW THINGS

YOU CAN BELIEVE SOMEONE LOVES YOU, YET THEY ARE DOING TERRIBLE THINGS NOT TO YOUR KNOWLEDGE

IT DOES NOT MATTER IF YOU GIVE A LITTLE BIT, TOO MUCH, OR NOT ENOUGH, THEY WILL NOT TREAT YOU RIGHT, VALUE  YOU, OR STAY WITH YOU

neverrrr trust a man

To be completely honest, this list could probably continue a hell of a lot younger

——> i have learned many things over the past five years of that relationship, parts of myself, and traits and habits I plan to never return to. However, some damage is not to be erased.

Currently i am in my second relationship. I have carried some damage over from before into this… yes, if you truly believe that i should have healed what hurt me so i did not allow myself to ..”Bleed on other people”, then you are so right. Buuuuuut. What if they all are the same? And what if it is because of me? What if all they do is use someone until they have no purpose anymore. What if they just dont care about you, but they still want you around? I will never know how to understand love, that is something i have since come to terms with, yet it still fascinates me. I will continue to love and repair myself and try until i no longer have it in me. Last time it truly almost killed me so we will see how this goes.