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Dark Internalization
There are times I just cannot stop the dark thoughts that invade my mind.. Moments I know I am not in the wrong, I still take all the blame & hatred.
Immediately I begin to attack myself and silently I fall into this dark pit of self destruction.. I created this world inside my mind that is solely built to break apart what is left of my self worth.
Once I fall, there’s no coming back for a…
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Pure Peace
At times I wish I was a bird. As ridiculous as that sounds, the ability they have to just purely fly away and start a new is something I envy..
My life at times is honestly too heavy for me to continue with my head held high. It is hard when you feel like the world is attacking you with every possible chance they get.
If I could fly away and forget the past, be a bird.. I would in a…
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His Ice Exterior
This person that parades around for the world to witness is truly sad.
Maybe for the world it is working, hiding his true form. But for me, it genuinely is saddening & the degree at which this man takes his performance is honestly heart breaking.
Behind that cold exterior and self righteousness there is a man that is utterly beautiful. The qualities at which he carries I truly admire.
They are…
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Envious
I genuinely envy the girls that can look at themselves in the mirror and love what they see.. how satisfying that must feel.
For when I look, what I see and feel is almost impossible to explain.. the depth at which this disgusting ball of repulsion lays is intense.
I look and internally everything begins to just twist & turn.. painfully I continue to stare at the person in front of me.
I try…
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Our Future
Everyone keeps telling me to just hold onto the future for its entire existence is the only thing I have left to grasp..
I’ll do what they say, I will.. I’ll hold onto it with the tightest and strongest grasp my body is willing to give.
Nothing or nobody on this planet can ever get in between my future & I.
I have made this promise to myself multiple times, ten times over.. simply because I…
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In a Split Second
In a split second I can feel it in the air.. your personality switch, it becomes so dense.
It is hard to breathe, even move.. I am petrified something I do will cause you to turn all your withheld pain onto me.
Regardless what I do or attempt to avoid, you always find a way, in your mind, to excuse your violent behaviour.
In that moment, I feel everything inside me fall and I try so hard to…
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In a Split Second
In a split second I can feel it in the air, your personality switch, it is dense & heavy.
It becomes hard to breathe or move as I am petrified something I do will cause you to turn all your withheld pain onto me. .
Regardless what I do or attempt to avoid, you always find a way to excuse, in your mind, your violent behaviour.
In that moment, I feel everything inside me fall and I try so hard…
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Something turned different
Most of the time when people come into my life they leave me with nothing but the incomprehensible sense of low self worth, it always passes but sadly comes back due to another person.
But this time.. something about you was different. Within me you blossomed a love for myself I could not explain, yet you controlled at which times that beauty would open for the world to see..
You were either…
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My Super Power
When I was younger I remember pretending that I had super powers.. like every kid growing up usually does.
No matter what the situation was I would always chose to be invisible..
As I grew up, I slowly began to realize I wasn’t yearning for this power anymore.. purely because I think I developed it originally from the unfortunate fact I was just always ignored.
Now 26 years later I am…
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My Exit
I’ve been here before, this place where I feel needed yet unwanted at the same time.
It mangles my mind to the point of complete chaos.
In a world so filled with people, I sit here alone trying to organize my thoughts.
For if I don’t, I know where this path can lead..
The last time I experienced this I almost ended up on the other side of a reality I wasn’t yet prepared for.
I know if I go…
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The Inbetween
What do you think it’s like?
When your eyes finally close to the world falling silent, the wind dying down and the birds slowly fading.
Where does your mind go to lay rest?
All my life I envisioned a place so filled with light that your first experience was blinding beyond any explanation.
Somewhere so encapsulated by happiness that not even the smallest bit of sadness could seep…
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My Kryptonite
Who knew this pain felt so differently compared to all the others I’ve ever experienced.
From a young age I knew what it felt like to be abandoned, left to fend for yourself in a world so cold & cruel not even the ones who created you could stand your mere existence.As I grew so did my tolerance for their pain, their anger, their hatred.. but it never prepared me for the pain I currently…
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I Disassociate
I partially wake though I struggle to remember how I ended up here.
My mind is foggy, and my body weak.With my arms I attempt to raise myself from this cold, hard place I unknowingly became one with.But the farther from this place I become, the dizzier my world seems.I fall.
So I begin to crawl.
Each movement slower than the last, I cry your name out of pure fear.I speak your name for the air…
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Left in Ruins
Months of underlined pain left disregarded by the ones I called home.
Consistently I would push everything I felt, everything I knew to be wrong as far away as I possibly could.
Left it behind everything else, in the darkest corner I possibly could until it was too big to leave unnoticed.
Now here I am, carrying this weight like I did last year..Each step I take I cry, I beg, I pray that…
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Sacrificial Anchor
Everyday when you ask if I am okay, my natural and instinctual responce is “yes, of course.”. When in all actuality I don’t think I’ve ever felt more vulnerable or disregarded in a very long time.
All my life I’ve grown accustomed to accepting that almost all people that enter my life are here for one purpose. Unfortunately it is to just allow me to be their stepping stone to a better life.
My…
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The Silence
For years, every night, you were the person I sat and spoke to.
I told you my deepest fears, my most sought after dreams and my undeniable heartaches.
I asked for your advice, I looked for your guidance and I listened to your teachings.I believed in you with everything I had, but within a moments breath it all changed..
A situation I couldn’t simply talk into disapearance took all my trusts &…
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My Presence
What will I be remembered for?
When my physical self is no longer here, where will you look to when you miss my presence?
Will you keep all the memories you once had of me stock piled in the back of your mind? That way at any moment you feel my absence, all you have to do is close your eyes and that void can immediately be filled.
What triggers these memories to arrange themselves in such a…
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