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thejourneyofthehero-mh-blog · 6 years

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October 12th - I ALMOST BROKE THE 30 day challenge

Friday night was a really fun, success filled night. Seeing my pick up skills, which I’m still shoddy at, translate to more social circle type game is extremely satisfying.

The overall realization I had last night was:

1. Girls think I’m hot, particularly if I’m the social guy.

2. The reason my cold approaches have had a kind of lack of success lately is because I’ve opened a bit needy - opening needy can kill the whole set.

3. Some girls don’t want to be approached and will think you’re creepy. Your job is not to worry about these girls. Your job is to find the ones who do want to be approached and will like you, the attention you bring, and who are lonely or looking to meet a guy.

So let’s talk about the day and how I came to this realization.

I was working from home because I wanted to sleep in - tired from going out the past few nights before. Also I wanted to game during the day - but didn’t really end up doing any daygame. I think I’ve got real issues with daygame, that I need to address and solve quickly.

Anyway, by the time I finish my work, eat and clean it’s 8pm. I decide I’m going to go out a bit later this time, so I can be out at “pull-o-clock” instead of leaving early - I usually burn out at around a few hours of night game. So I decided to go out at 10:30 instead of 9. Unfortunately, at around 9:30 it started pouring - this was the first time I saw rain like that in San Diego. It’s been pretty cold lately too. I didn’t think it got like that in San Diego. Anyway, so I almost thought because it was pouring so badly there wouldn’t be people out and no wings out. I thought I was going to break the 30 day challenge!

So I decide to go to target to do some cold approach. I walk in to target, not a lot of people inside. See a cute short girl with long brown hair and hipster glasses - exactly my type - by the makeup isle. I want to open her indirect, but can’t think of anything fast enough and then my logical brain kicks in and I get approach anxiety and decide to approach other girls first and then come back to her - bad decision. I should stop trying to think when approaching and just used canned openers for now - until I get over the approach anxiety.

Today (october 13 when I’m writing this) I’m going to make a logical decision to do canned lines (like ‘hey im sorry im late’, ‘do you go to sdsu’, ‘hey you don’t happen to ever party at mavericks do you?’, ‘you’re very cute I wanted to see if you were cool too’). Most of those lines are what I would call kind of indirect but where the next line is pretty direct. So ‘sorry i’m late’ <she laughs and responds> ‘I like your striped shirt, you’re very cute’.

Anyway, I approach a three set in target indirect and quickly dip and don’t state any premise (other than asking for help finding something) because there’s a muslim girl with them - I always feel intimidated doing game around muslim girls because I feel like they’ll judge me. That must be a pretty unique to me problem.

Anyway, I head to the venue - it’s a halloween themed karaoke meetup. I get a lot of my good day 2s from meetups. They’re a lot more social circle esque then cold approach. My uber driver is cute, but I didn’t ask her out. I did tell her she was cute and I think she liked me a bit.

I get to the venue, say hi to my friend and start approaching immediately. It’s pretty easy to approach here because it’s a halloween themed event and it’s a pretty intimate setting. I’m going in rsd-luke style and befriending the whole venue and not really thinking about game as much. Girls are digging me and calling me hot. I’m wearing black nail polish - and I think girls were liking that a lot. One girl even said she was falling in love with me because of my nail polish (she wasn’t that cute but it’s good to get validation). I’m also wearing harry potter glasses and a harry potter scarf. I’m introducing myself as sexy harry potter and girls are digging that. I think owning your sexuality is hot to girls.

Anyway, I can’t remember all the approaches and it’ll be too long to list everything. But I’ll talk more about the overall vibe I was giving off:

1. That I was there to have fun and give off good vibes not to fuck girls

2. That I was the hot fun guy

3. That I was friends with everyone.

4. I’m throwing in statements of intent to girls, but also statements of evaluation (I thought you were going to be weird, but you’re kind of okay).

At one point I’m talking to two hot blonde girls. Both are into me. But I’m fairly incongruent with one of them because she’s hot enough that she makes me nervous staying in set with her too long. I think I’m going to lose attraction. She even comments that I’m being weird by continuing to go back to my friends. At some point I think she gives up to the friend, because she tells me her friend thinks I’m hot. I don’t take the bait, I want her not her slightly less hot friend (In retrospect I’m still not sure if it was the right decision). We chat for longer, and I’m debating whether I should go for the kiss. In retrospect, I think I should’ve and I think I would’ve gotten it. She says she has to leave because she has work early in the morning. I tell her ‘we should go on a date’, get an instant yes and we exchange numbers.

Continuing on: my friends have met 2 sisters at this point and have hit it off. I need to find a girl. I try to escalate with a girl I met earlier - I can tell she’s into me but she says she’s in love with some other guy. I go to meet my friends at the next venue. Sit with them for a minute or two, be a good wingman - hype up my friends. Tell one of the girls to be nice to my friend and that he’s a nice boy - then take her hand and pull her off the seat to make her and my friend dance (this friend was having some difficulty escalating, while my other one was doing fine).

I see a two set on the side, approach the hot blonde girl with the ‘sorry I’m late’ opener. Ignore the friend. She’s loving it. I’m being physical and we chat for awhile and she’s getting really close and flirty. I decide to try for the kiss, she says she’s not going to kiss me. We chat for a bit more, I say hey to her friend and I’m being nice to her friend too & then me and the blonde chat more. I say ‘we should go on a date’. She tells me she has a ‘its complicated boyfriend’. I get her number and make her follow me on instagram (actually this morning I looked and she unfollowed me - I haven’t texted her yet but I’m pretty sure it’s a flake either way haha. Still a good learning experience and shows the kind of results I can get if I’m congruent with my sexuality). Eventually they have to go, I try for the ‘european kiss close’ thing. But she won’t kiss me.

This is a long report. I’m going off to do some daygame and hang with my roommate for a bit. I’ll probably finish up later.

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thejourneyofthehero-mh-blog · 6 years

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October 11 (Thursday night)

It’s actually close to 4 am on October 12. But this post was about last night. I feel pretty miserable right now. I feel pretty rejected and sad and like I want to take a break from game. I definitely don’t want to go out Friday night.

I was at work today and got lunch with some coworkers, including one pretty cute coworker. I feel my behavior was pretty good overall but kind of off because of her presence. I think I just wasn’t socialized with girls properly growing up. Pakistani culture separates boys and girls pretty heavily, and to top that off my mom told me not to talk to girls growing up. In fact I’ve mostly always had male friends pretty much exclusively. Even worse so, ever since I moved to San Diego I pretty much only interact with men unless it’s to game. As I’m writing this I think I’ve come to the ephiphiny that I’m pretty fucked up as a person because of these weird childhood circumstances, and I should probably see a therapist. I realize that most of my interactions with females i am trying to impress them in some way shape or form, even ugly girls im not trying to date (although it’s been awhile since I’ve talked to an ugly girl unless she was the ugly friend of a girl I was trying to game or I was trying to distract her while my friend games her friend). As I’m writing this I realize how fucked up all this is.

Anyway back to the infield. It’s lunchtime, I’m with my coworkers at Panera. See a cute girl outside. My mind wants to approach and if I was not with them I think I likely would’ve approached. I hate the duality between my work life and home life. Either way I’m feeling pretty good this day even though I’ve been running on a few hours sleep for days on end. Leave work late to meet up with my wing joey and his business partner at Starbucks. I don’t know if I trust her or if she’s trying to scam me. She’s cute, very nice. But I feel like she’s trying to sell me on her business, and the more she explains that she needs quality people and isn’t looking to take everyone - the more it feels like a tactic. Perhaps I could learn something about that and apply it to my game. Leave Starbucks at 8. It’s too late to do daygame anywhere nearby.

Me and joey head to pacific beach. Joey is exuding charisma btw. He’s been approaching a ton and he’s the one who inspired me to do this 30 day challenge. We get to the venue and I sort of want to follow joeys lead - this was my first fuck up because it kept me stifled, beta and prevented me from approaching the first set right away. We approach a few sets and I’m acting kind of needy and beta. Joeys acting dominant, fun and alpha. He gets one girls contact pretty much right away. I get none. Although I didn’t even attempt to and didn’t put my intentions out there. Perhaps that was mistake number two - not using any statements of intent. We venue hop and I sort of want to do daygame but it’s late and I’m still following joeys lead and letting him take control. He’s doing well and stopping girls even one on a bike. I think he got so good by approaching everything and not thinking. I finally approach one girl and can’t get her to stop. My energy is falling rapidly. Joey goes inside a restaurant to approach and I look for more sets - I think I don’t like going in set with joey because I always feel like the beta friend. This is sort of how I felt with Aaron but Aaron would lift me up a lot. Not hating on joey, just Aaron was an awesome teacher and joeys just a wing not technically a teacher - though I have learned a lot from him. I don’t see any girls for awhile. I’m thinking my bad energy is for the lack of alcohol. I go to backyard and get a shot of vodka. Joey doesn’t drink or want me to drink so I have to hide it from him. That was mistake number three - hiding it and relying on alcohol. I don’t approach right away at this venue and look for wings. Even talking to guys my energy feels off - I’m too in my head and trying to be the cool guy rather than just have fun. One guy even comments that. I go to Mavericks to meet Joey. He approaches a set and I don’t follow. I approach an Indian and white girl sitting down. I forget what I open with but the interest from them is there right away. I’m feeling better slightly. The interest does off almost fairly quickly. I think I was being too try hard. The Indian girl tells me she has a boyfriend even though I didn’t ask. I’ve had my most success with Indian girls, but they have a way of harshly rejecting me when they reject me. I also feel worse when they reject me, maybe because I feel more entitled that they should like me because my past history of Indian girls liking me. Who knows. The actual words of ‘I have a boyfriend’ aren’t so bad as her tonality. Not necessarily mean, but patronizing and condescending. I hate that. I ask her friend if she has a boyfriend and get some hesitation. Her friends slightly more into me but I think the Indian girl gave her a signal as if to say ‘no not him’. Who knows maybe I’m reading too much into this. The white girl says she’s juggling 3 but not looking to add in more. I say we could be friends and they should remember me if they see me. They say they will. I leave them and look for more sets. No “easy” sets but another night where I’m not feeling so shitty I wouldn’t have minded and approached anyway. I leave Mavericks to do some street game.

I approach a few sets on the street - pretty direct. First thirty seconds for all 3 separate sets go pretty well then quickly die off.

Call Joey and ask him to grab my bag from his car. We walk back to the car and he’s forcing me to approach on the way back. That’s fine, I’m used to wings forcing me to approach and I actually like that. But for the past few days I haven’t needed a wing to force me to approach. I think I realize as I’m typing this that I might be better alone than with a wing. Unless maybe I have really good chemistry with my wing - there’s a few people like this (my best childhood friend <redacted>, my boot camp wing <redacted>, my teacher Aaron, and my other wing <redacted> sometimes). I like solo game because I’m in complete control and I can force myself to approach on my own. I’m glad I’m writing this down because I wouldn’t have realized that otherwise.

Anyway none of the street game on the way back to the car is sticking. We get close to the car and I’m all out of energy and done approaching - Joey says to do one last one. He’s a good influence. We walk to a small bar and I approach a two set right away - maybe the first good thing I’ve done of the night. I use joeys opening line ‘sorry I’m late’. The hot girl starts cracking up, and the ugly friend looks confused and soon enough upset. I find this happens often. We chat for a bit and the interaction is fine, but my hands are sweaty so I hold off introducing myself. I think that caused the interaction to die a bit. Who knows, I also sort of got the feeling the girls just weren’t the receptive - that happens sometime and I’m okay with it. But if my hands weren’t sweaty I would’ve stayed in set longer and introduced myself. I say I’m going to the bathroom (I don’t tell them it’s to dry my sweaty hands). Go to the bathroom dry my hands. I see joey talking to a stunner at a table while the stunners guy friend just sits there. I talk to the guy in order to wing man joey and let him continue talking to the hot girl. The guy is clearly drunk. He starts shitting on joey without realizing that I know Joey ( I only opened him and not the girl or joey, and I just said ‘nice jacket bro’ or something along those lines). I want to get the dude in a better mood so he doesn’t cockblock joey, so I shit on joey with him. We’re talking about how Joey has no game and is too forward (even though I can clearly tell the girl is loving joey). We laugh and he gives me his Instagram to go meet up later, he says he has hot girl friends. I’m done that night anyway. I go reapproach the two set with the intentions of introducing myself this time. Too late, they already seem done me and probably think I’m chodey for not introducing myself earlier. The ugly friend definitely dislikes me, but the hot one is turned to her friend so I can tell body language wise that it’s off too. I decide to stay in set for a few more seconds, but joey comes to save me. Clearly they’re not into him either. The hot friend laughs at joeys opener too. I think she must’ve just been getting hit on all night or all her life and she’s in super abundance where she just laughs at Guys creative opener. The ugly friend says ‘atleast he (joey) introduced himself. We talk for a moment, and the hot girl signals her guy friend to help them ditch us. I want to dip, joey holds his frame. The guy, who I believe probably works, at the bar tells us to tap out. He seems genuinely kind of nice.

We walk back to the car and I tell joey why I approached the chode friend of the hot girl he was talking to (the guy with the cool jacket). I tell him how me and the guy were shitting on joey. Joey laughs and compliments me on my wingman skills. This isn’t the first time I’ve been told I’m a great wingman. I feel pretty good about that. Maybe that’s another form of ego that will come to bite me in the ass later. Joey tells me he was fingering that girl - what a baller to do that right in front of her friend.

I go home, and can’t sleep. I break no fap, partially to sleep and partially to release the bad energy in me. But I don’t watch porn. I don’t know if I’ll regret breaking no fap in the morning. I was going to go no fap through the whole course of the month and usually I don’t do any approaches the day after fapping. Fapping to me, and even more so watching porn, feels like admitting defeat and saying you need a break from game (which might be why I don’t do approaches the day after fapping - or maybe I’m just brainwashed by the no fap warriors ~ that I’m more dominant and naturally girls will like me more due to the extra testosterone.) I still have to approach anyway because there’s no off days on this challenge.

Overall this felt felt like a shitty night in terms of action and my mindset but I realize a few weeks ago this was a very average night and I’ve just gotten better inner game from going out more over time - or maybe it’s the alcohol, who knows. Well tbh I used to drink quite a bit of alcohol going out with wings even. So I guess it’s not the alcohol and I actually am starting to develop good behaviors.

Side note: I feel like Neil Strauss aka style when I’m writing these field rapports sometimes.

Edit: as I’m re-reading this I’m realizing that I suck with some wings because I don’t want to fail them. When I entered that first venue with joey, I wanted to approach direct and confident but I followed his lead because I thought he knew better and I didn’t want to ruin his sets if I failed because girls loop you in with your friends. I now realize that joeys a cool enough guy that girls like him regardless of me being a chode.

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thejourneyofthehero-mh-blog · 6 years

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Some thoughts on my recent failures with cold approach

I was just thinking about how I go pretty direct, even when I open indirect. In many aspects using statements of intent is really good and a lot of guys struggle with being able to use any. But I think I’m using them as a crutch. I think I use them because I’m still seeking validation from the girl immediately or else I dip, and if she responds well to my statement of intent than that shows interest. But that’s not the way this works, I can’t be doing things to seek validation. I need to be using statements of intent to aid in the interaction and just give good vibes - not for validation. It was tricky coming to that realization.

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thejourneyofthehero-mh-blog · 6 years

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October 10th

After work I have my motorcycle lesson. Getting pretty good at it. I have a date at 8:30, from an “indirect” approach at mavericks. After the motorcycle lesson, I get home, change and clean up. It’s like 7:45, I want to do some daygame - in general and to warm up for the date. Drink a little bit jack, head out of the house. It’s kind of late at this point and there’s not many girls out. I go to the party city, chat with the employee for a bit. She’s kind of cute 18 year old. But I’ve had situations where I’ve picked up an employee(s) and then I can’t go to that store anymore if it doesn’t work out, so I leave party city. Go to target. See a cute girl by the make up isle. I consider asking her for makeup advice as a quick opener, telling her I was just joking and thought she was cute - that seems like something Aaron would’ve done. I chicken out - I think that’s because there was other people around and I have audience anxiety (I know I need to get over it).

Approach a blonde girl with glasses. Use the familiarity opener, chat for a bit. Generally putting out a good vibe, but the girl was just really non receptive. I don’t think I did anything too bad, in fact I was pretty direct and confident - I think she was just non receptive to it. Perhaps, I made the mistake of making it seem like ‘I do this often’ again.

Anyway, I keep looking for more sets. See two cute college-age looking girls, use the familiarity opener on the shorter hispanic one. We chat for a bit, and I throw in a lot of statements of intent. Her and her friend are enjoying the convo and laughing and I can tell they at-least find me funny and confident. I tell her friend if it works out with me and the hispanic girl, I’ll introduce her to my nerdy roommate (I think the exact words I used were - if it works out with us <as in me and the hispanic girl>, ill introduce you to my roommate). Hispanic girl says her friend is married and she has a boyfriend. I laughingly say that she should cheat on her boyfriend, and then say I’m joking while laughing.

I kind of wish I had infield of that set. I was pretty dominant and funny. I’ve tried to record infield audio before, but it’s never come out well. Might create a post on my experiences trying to record infield.

Anyway, it’s getting close to the date. I leave target and go to starbucks to see if there’s any cute girls there studying, none in the starbucks. Walk over to the bar where I’m meeting my date.

I don’t want to write too much about the date because I don’t want to expose the girl in any capacity or share private details - so i’ll focus on what I did rather than any details about her.

Some background since I wasn’t writing infields when I approached this girl last week. Went in indirect and didn’t really ever state intent in that whole interaction - not even a “you’re very cute btw” (which used to be a big deal for me but now seems like the lightest way to state intent haha since I go kind of over the top with stating intent to get out of my shell - although I’ve been thinking maybe I’m using stating intent overtly as a crutch for not knowing how to have full engaging conversations on the fly). I chatted with her and her friends and said I throw parties and exchanged contacts. But I felt there was clear interest. Messaged her later, we chat a bit and I ask her to come out for drinks. Invite her to a bar near my house (I learned this after many failed dates where I go out of the way for the girl and go far from my house and there’s no where to pull).

Anyways, we meet at the bar. I say I’m hungry ( I just want to move her around to evoke the feeling that we’ve known each other for awhile and we’ve been to a bunch of different dates even though it’s just one date). Get a quick bite. Walk around, go to another bar. Get drinks. I know a lot of guys are torn on whether to buy girls drinks or not. I’m not sure which is best but I know I don’t mind spending $7 on a drink. But I don’t want to make a fuss about it, because I’ve had situations where I say I’ll pay and the girl argues against it or we chat about it and it’s awkward for a bit. So I just order two drinks, we go to the bar chat for a while. I say let’s go to this park and listen to music. We make a pitstop at the liquor store for snacks, but don’t get any snacks. Again, I just want to move her around. We go to the park area right near my apartment, chat for awhile and kiss. I say let’s go inside and listen to music, it’s kind of cold here. We go inside.

I’m going to be kind of vague about the next part because I absolutely don’t want to expose any details about her because this blog is about me and my journey and I think it would be inconsiderate to talk more about it too much. Anyway, I experience some LMR and couldn’t overcome it. I need to look into how to overcome LMR.

If I had to make a guess, I made it seem like I was the ‘boyfriend’ type of guy, rather than the ‘hookup’ kind of guy. Jeffy talks about this.

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thejourneyofthehero-mh-blog · 6 years

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October 10th

It’s almost 9 in the morning, I’m at work and I really want to go out and do game and approach. That’s one thing I’ve gained since starting this challenge - the wanting and excitement to go out. Before on the average day I didn’t want to go out and would have to force myself out.

Edit: It’s 3:53 and I’ve been at work all day, pretty much alone in my little office. My state is low, and it’s almost like I’ve never done an approach. Perhaps this is the consequence to relying on alcohol, that even if I’ve done this for the past couple days, it hasn’t been in my natural state, so thus it hasn’t normalized in my brain. Who knows. At the very least I can feel content in that I only really have to do one approach today to satisfy my minimal requirement.

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thejourneyofthehero-mh-blog · 6 years

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October 9th

This post really goes forward until october 10th, since I was out from like 6:30pm to 1:00 am on october 10th, so I’ve already technically passed my minimum goal for day 3. No real ‘results’ in terms of numbers, or makeouts or pulls today. But inner game results in terms of becoming less stifled. I’ll admit I drank before I went out for daygame. This was my first time going out of my way to do daygame without a wing available, so I felt that without the wing I atleast needed the alcohol. I think tomorrow I’m going to go alcohol-less or very little alcohol. Anyway, I realize how much I’ve gotten better in terms of pure ability to approach. I also realize how judgemental guys are who think they can do this, but can’t. Guys will give you advice and tell you that you’re overreacting because you’re stifled, but they’ve never done a real 30 day challenge or even a real day of approaching. Approaching is so tough, people just don’t do it.

Since I was alone, I tried to make some random wings, but these guys were so drunk they were no help. They at least raised my state and were generally cool dudes. But they were a little older and I was teaching them to approach. I realize that by just approaching, I’m already better than a ton of dudes.

Anyway, let’s get into the field rapport:

Had a mic on me tonight, so I was recording some infield. Did have some jack before I left. Approach first cute girl I see when I leave the house. Turns out I met her before, she remembers me but I don’t remember her at first. We chat for a bit, she turns out to be married or engaged or something. Keep going, approach a few more sets on the way to this vitamin shop. Nothing really sticking so far. Go to the Vons, approach an older blonde girl, she’s not that cute, we exchange some banter, she leaves. I’m about to leave this Vons, and see a cute blonde european girl. Approach her, I forget the ‘opener’, but we chat for a bit, she says she has a boyfriend. It’s all good, I go home and charge up.

Head to mavericks, approach a set of blonde girls on the line, ask them if they’re russian. One girl says they’re not russian they’re from some other country, but the girls basically ignore me. I go in the venue, walk to the bar. See a cute blonde girl. We chat for a bit, she says she’s waiting for her brother in law, I tell her I just moved from new york. Getting some vague interest, but maybe this was just friendliness, who knows. Anyway we chat for a few, she says she has to go meet her brother in law. So I go approach more sets. Approach a set of maybe 8 girls. They’re brazilian and I get kind of interest from a couple of those girls, but can’t hold interest in the context of the group. Either way, my state is pretty neutral at this point. I leave the venue for a bit to walk around.

At this point I’m walking around pacific beach in San Diego and I’m looking at my lack of success, thinking there must have been nights in the beginning when Tyler felt this, when my teacher Aaron felt this, when my wing ‘Joey’ (again, not his real name) felt this. Where you feel a bit broken down. But I want to succeed just like them, so I have to keep pushing.

Meet some drunk dudes, they end up being my “wings” for the next hour. I say “wings” in quotes because they were terrible wings - cool enough dudes, but so wasted. At the very least they improved my state. Go with one of the drunk dudes, let’s call him Tom. Me and Tom go to Backyard, and approach two blonde girls. One of them is a bartender at mavericks. Me and her chat for a bit, I use the date frame ‘we should go on a date’. I think she says no, but she enjoyed the convo - which is alright by me.

Go to mavericks approach more sets. At mavericks the second I approached a whole ton of sets, so I can’t remember all the specific sets as much. Some notable ones:

Approached a cute blonde girl who was texting: tell her to get off tinder. Put my arms around her and we chat for a minute. I was physical and got a ton of interest, but didn’t know exactly what to say and ended up seeming too sexual too fast. I don’t think logically I can improve this right now, but I think with time I’ll just get quicker on my feet. I think the line I said that made her leave was ‘if you were on farmers only I’d start planting shit’. This was my favorite approach, even though I messed it up because it shows how alpha (relative to who I was before) that I’ve come and the girl was genuinely into me, it seemed.

Another approach was a three set I kept seeing, lets call them Jessica, Zina, and Kaila. Zina is the girl I want in the squad. So I think I approach them semi indirect. We chat for a couple minutes, and I’m joking around with the other girls, but I’m flirting hard with Zina. I don’t know how to continue the convo, so I say I have to go meet with my friends, and I end up seeing these girls a few times in the convo. Anyway I approached a bunch more sets, so many that I can’t remember them, and don’t think I want to watch the infield audio yet. I’m so tired, and need to nap.

Overall, this was a really good day in terms of getting unstifled. I feel a lot more confident and able to do this on my own, no alcohol or no wings. I realize now that my night-game is so unstructured that it’s basically impossible to pull. I think that’s because I never cared for night game, and aaron only taught me daygame. I need to search some videos on night game technical aspects. Anyway I’m hungry to do some more approaches. I really want to try them out on a college campus. I’m also hungry for success. I’ll keep going.

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thejourneyofthehero-mh-blog · 6 years

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October 8th

First day of 30 day challenge successful, at least in terms of opening at minimum one set. I did drink a bit of jack beforehand, went to the mall, met up with my friend and wing. Approached the first group I saw without thinking, and they were like an environmental group, 1 guy 2 hot girls. They were sitting on the floor, so I asked them if they were alright, and we chatted, I throw in a few flirty lines towards one of the girls (I forget her name but let’s call her Tammy anyway). I tell Tammy we should go on a date (very Aaron style statement - aaron from evolution daily). She has a boyfriend, so we chat for a few minutes and then I dip. Head to the starbucks to meet my friend, approach girls on the way. One girl I see sitting down, I forget how I opened exactly but I think I asked for directions, then told her she was cute, she says she’s on the phone with her boyfriend. Probably a lie, but I don’t care too much at this point.

See a cute persian girl sitting down on her laptop. Jokingly ask her if she’s in my history class, she says she’s not even in school. I say me neither but I wanted to meet her and didn’t have a line.

Tangent, I know some of these statements may seem needy, but they’re very Aaron style direct and flirty confident statements the way that I say them. Some girls are really into it and think its confident, other girls think its thirsty. Maybe I’ll do some infield audio sometime.

So me and the persian girl chat for a bit, she’s laughing and enjoying the convo. I will admit I didn’t ask her much about herself, but did say a good amount about me (I know some guys struggle with getting their personality out there). I think you need to ask more about the girl to make the interaction seem genuine because I feel that I definitely gave a ‘I do this often’ kind of vibe. I think she might’ve even asked that at some point in different words, and I responded with ‘only if I’m feeling brave in the moment’. Anyway, so we’re vibing and I throw out the date frame: ‘we should go on a date’. I forget what she responded, but it was essentially a ‘maybe’ type of answer. I think where I went wrong after this was I asked her why it wasn’t a yes and told her I couldn’t understand why she would reject me if she didn’t have a boyfriend. Which is cocky enough, but I think a better thing to do was to not push it and keep the interaction going. Who knows, its all a learning experience. Tried to get the instant date to starbucks, she won’t get up. Try to get the instagram, she says she doesn’t have an instagram. Not sure why I didn’t go for the number. Also, I want to note that while I was going direct I was still putting in statements of empathy (which Moe Abbassi talks about often) which I think improved the vibe a lot. I think while statements of intent show that you’re a man who goes after what he wants, statements of empathy show that you’re a calibrated and intelligent guy and that you acknowledge that the directness can be a bit much sometimes. I think the persian girl even tried to give me advice at some point, but I can’t remember what it was, I just kind of brushed it off. I thought it was going to be typical girl advice, so I jokingly said something like ‘I should just be a nice guy and not approach women’ and she said ‘no you should approach and I think you are a nice guy’ (true, but I hate that - I don’t think I want to be nice anymore)

Overall this was my favorite set of the day. I know in terms of results and even just writing this out it seems like a bad set. But I think I put out a really good flirty fun vibe and she enjoyed the conversation, even if for whatever reason she didn’t want to date me. It’s all a learning experience.

Meet my friend, let’s call him Joey. Go to starbucks, tell the cashier she has pretty eyes, she seems into me. But I don’t want to pursue people at work. Open a customer girl in starbucks, I think I might’ve complimented her on her outfit and we chat for a minute, vibe is good but she’s not that cute - I don’t attempt to close. Open another older girl, she’s not that cute - I don’t continue the conversation.

Open a girl sitting down at this little restaurant, I say something I saw my friend joey say at one point: Hey sorry I’m late (jokingly). She looks confused (of course), so I say I actually was just walking by and thought you had really pretty eyes. We talk for about 30 seconds, but she seems like she’s just being polite. I ask her if I can sit, she says ‘I actually have a boyfriend’. I say that it’s okay, and I hope she takes it as a compliment. Leave the little restaurant. Open a girl right across the street outside a store. She turns out to be working. This interaction was pretty short so I can’t remember what I opened with exactly, but she ended up saying she had a boyfriend or something so I say bye and go. The two from this paragraph were probably my results-wise worst ones, because I didn’t get any interest from these girls, even for a couple minutes.

I keep approaching. At one point I see a girl on her phone, tell her to get off tinder (jokingly ofcourse - this is one of Aaron’s openers). She says not on tinder. I forget how the rest of that interaction went, but it was an alright one - didn’t get the number close, she probably said she had a boyfriend or something. One of my new wings, let’s call him Tony, (who I haven’t met yet, but was from the rsd group) gives me a call - or maybe I call him. So me and Tony chat for a minute, and I see a cute indian girl (let’s call her Prithi) walking towards me, I keep Tony on the phone so he can hear me open. I forget what I opened with, I think it was something observational. Me and Prithi chat for a minute or two, we’re vibing pretty well, but she tells me she has a boyfriend. I tell her laughingly ‘life is a mess, Prithi’, she tells me patronizingly, but also genuinely and kindly, ‘I’m sure you’ll find someone’.

That hurt.

I think I’d almost rather have a girl outright reject me and tell me I suck or that I’m too short or that I’m weird or something than be patronizing to me.

Tyler talked about this before. He said that when you really suck, girls will be nice to you, just because they want the little guy to feel good. He said that you know you’re getting good when girls will be mean to you. I remember on bootcamp I approached a tall brazilian girl and she said I was too short, and we walked around for a bit and had a fun conversation eventually. Aaron talks about this approach in one of his videos. I really appreciated that set.

I don’t want to be patronized. That really makes me think I need to get better.

Overall: the day was pretty successful, I obviously didn’t get one number. But had some good conversations, and most importantly took action. What I think I did good was being direct, even when I opened indirect, and man to women. What I think I did bad was come off as needy, and like I do this often. I think Aaron even gives that vibe sometime, but he get’s results from it and even I’ve gotten results from it. I like the flirty direct approach, because if the girl is into it she’s really into it and also I don’t feel as weird escalating with those approaches because the premise is already set.

Tangent and action item: I need to learn to be direct and man to women without being needy.

Continuing on ... it obviously hurts to not get any success today. But I know it’s part of the journey, and having this 5 year plan makes me be able to compartmentalize the failures. I am happy with the action I took today, and the lessons I learned. One thing I am confused about is, is that some girls think I’m hot. I’ve gotten that multiple times from girls at parties or events, gay dudes, or even cashiers at stores. People tell me I’m ‘hot’ or ‘attractive’. I can look in the mirror and acknowledge that I look like what a lot of women would describe as an ideal guy - Dark hair, beard, symmetrical face. I’m obviously tan, which doesn’t fit the standard western profile and I am a bit short, a little under 5′8. But either way, I have enough people tell me I’m good looking, that I find it really shocking how often I get rejected and told that the girl has a boyfriend. I wonder if I’m actually not good looking and all the girls who’ve told me I’m good looking have told me that because they found me attractive because I was being social and women find socialness attractive (I do tend to do really well in social circle parties or events). Anyway, I hope I can continue to do this tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I’m going to focus on 1. making interactions seem more genuine. I think I can accomplish that by getting to know the girl more, and asking her questions about herself because I mostly just talked about myself today and didn’t attempt to screen the girls much. I also want to focus on 2. building common ground between the girls. I think I can accomplish this by relating to what she’s saying, so if she says she’s a finance major, I can talk about my friend who is really into finance. Also, maybe I’ll try to get the instantdates, but obviously I need to have a good interaction for even a minute before pulling the trigger for the instant date, and even to have a good interaction for a couple minutes is kind of hard for me right now.

I’m going to keep the direct and flirty frame that Aaron does, but try to tone it down and don’t be needy.

One big realization of mine is that you’ll lose state regardless of what you do. After the alcohol wore off, and I was living off the state of enjoying the interactions, that lasted for a few hours and in those hours I loved approaching and wanted to keep going. But then I had this work type of event, and I was in this assembly audience, and my state started to go away and I didn’t want to approach after that. I realize that I’ll always have things like work events that debilitate my state, and that I can’t rely on state.

Another thing I realize is what tyler said ‘alcohol is state in a bottle’. I have the same feeling when drinking alcohol as I do when I’ve done a lot of meditation for days in a row, or when I’ve approached a few sets without alcohol. But alcohol is the quickest way to achieve state, and it makes even your first set good. I don’t know if this is a good habit. I don’t think drinking to achieve state is a healthy long-term strategy. But plenty of guys get laid off drinking and doing drugs, and for now I think I just need as much proof as soon as possible that this works before I burn out (because like Aaron says ‘the brain needs proof not promises’). I also just want results right now, as soon as possible. Maybe in the future I’ll stop relying on alcohol for state, maybe even tomorrow. We’ll see.

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