thewomanjournal

[thewomanjournal]

there is no competition. respectfully, you could never be me. disrespectfully, i would never want to be you.

[thewomanjournal]

The fall of VIctoria's Secret should be studied.

I'm serious.

This was a brand that was once on top of the world. You were that girl in middle school if you had a collection of their Beauty Rush glosses or their body mists. People knew you were a spoiled princess if you had any VS sleep set. The Victoria's Secret aesthetic was a thing. Girls would dream about being a Victoria's Secret Angel. I could go into the store and name all of the angels on the wall. The fashion show used to be legit. It was something so many people looked forward to each year. It was an event.

And I think about how far they've fallen all because they don't think trans women or bigger women are desirable. Whether or not you agree with that, we can all agree that their decisions were not smart business moves. At all. The brand never recovered, and to make matters worse, you eventually decide to be more inclusive (too late I might add) and you don't even keep what makes Victoria's Secret Victoria's Secret.

I've noticed that other brands do this too, but inclusion doesn't have to equate to boring? You can involve bigger girls and trans women and still keep the fun and pink and sexy aesthetic (i.e Fenty). They either think those women can't be sexy or they're trying to rebrand as something more "serious" and less fun and flirty but that's what made them VS. Yes, it's a lingerie brand but I was shopping there in middle school, and it didn't feel weird because of the marketing. It was a cute and girly store with a fun vibe. There's such a noticeable difference in these ads, and it almost feels like they're trying to discourage people from shopping at their store or they think certain women can't rock the stuff they're known for.

[thewomanjournal]

[thewomanjournal]

@an_loran

[thewomanjournal]

My High Maintenance Routine ✨

I absolutely LOVE taking care of my apperance. It’s therapeutic for me and I feel extremely confident when I’m put together. I previously made a post about how I take care of myself internally so I thought it was only right to share how I take care of my outward appearance.

Everyone’s beauty regimen should be catered to them - what you like, what you want to hide, what you want to emphasize and of course your budget.

Hair (every 4 weeks)

This is #1 for me. If I don’t do anything else, I will get my hair done 😂. I used to get a new wig install every 6 weeks when I was pregnant because I was too lazy to do my hair, but now I’m back to my monthly silk press. I opt in for some type of deep condition or treatment every time I go because I only go once a month. I want my hair to be as soft as possible during those 4 weeks of maintaining it myself. I get my ends trimmed about every 2-3 visits or just whenever my stylist tells me it’s time. If you’re natural like me, and think silk presses won’t work on you - go to a stylist that heat trains hair :) then thank me later.

Nails + Pedicure (every 2 weeks)

I get a full set every 4-6 weeks and get them filled in in the meantime. A pedicure is a must for me because it’s always warm where I live and my toes are always out. I’m not much of a sneaker person so my feet have to stay on pretty.

Wax (every 6 weeks)

It takes about 6-7 weeks for my hair to grow out. I used to be sooo scared of waxes but my husband absolutely loves when I get it lol. I only get my under arm and vagina waxed. Mostly because those are the areas prone to hyperpigmentation when it’s shaved and that’s all the pain I can endure. It’s honestly not that bad as long as you stay on top of your appointments. Once you get waxed, it’s extremely hard to go back to shaving. Eventually, I’ll try laser hair removal but haven’t found the time to research the places in my area so until then I’ll continue waxing.

Shaving / nair (every 2 weeks)

I like my entire body to be hairless, completely (except my head and brows obviously). So I shave my legs, arms, stomach, etc. I only nair my back because I cannot see what I’m doing back there if I shave it lol. No, my hair doesn’t grow back thicker. And honestly I’m naturally a hairy person (thanks to my dad🙄) so I have nothing to lose anyway. I used to hate shaving but now I actually like it because I make a whole vibe out of it lol. I light a candle, put on some music, and draw a shaving bath before showering. I do a gentle exfoliation before and after so I don’t get bumps and finish off with an all natural body butter.

Lashes (every 2-3 weeks)

Listen, it took me a while to get on the lash extension wave. Because I wore strip lashes and could apply them within 2 minutes, I never saw the point of paying hundreds of dollars more for extensions. HOWEVER, when I went on vacation and decided to try them, I got hooked 😭. I literally wake up looking 10x better because of it. My only suggestion is to find a lash tech whose style you like. No, not all lash extensions look the same. Every (experienced) lash tech has their own style and way of doing them so take the time to find a lash artist you’re compatible with.

That’s all I do currently. I want to find a laser hair removal clinic, dermatologist and esthetician that specializes in Black skin and treating hyperpigmentation, and a semi-permanent brow tattoo artist. I do a lot of research before going to a service provider. Especially when the services are permanent or semi permanent. I haven’t found the time yet to research so until then I’ll just stick to my current routine. 💓

[thewomanjournal]

[thewomanjournal]

My Unpopular Opinion

I feel like alot of the advice on here is coming from woman who have no idea what it's really life to live this life for real. Majority of these hypergamy blogs and spoiled gf blogs are going to have you out here looking lost & real crazy when you hit 30.

As someone who has been a spoiled girlfriend before, and almost trapped in a terrible marriage, I can tell you this is not the way to go. Please do not misunderstand me. You should continue to pursue and give your time to men with money & if you decide to get married, yes he should have money. But I think the parts these blogs leave out are so critical and they are vital to your ultimate success.

If you think you will be set just because you marry a man with some money, you're wrong. If you think just because you have some children by this man, you are set, you are wrong. Any woman who has actually been in this position would never advise you to put yourself in this situation. I've seen this over and over again, even experienced it for myself. These women have given the best years of their life away & now have to start from scratch. Only now they have kids to worry about as well. Do you really think they're in a position to go back to school? Or a get a job?? They most likely have no skills or education so they'd be making min wage at best. Doomed to a life of having to go find another man to support her, even if she can't stand him. Or can go live with Mom if that's even an option.

I've literally been the sugar baby of a man going through a divorce. When shit falls apart, these men become RUTHLESS. I was totally in shock at the way he spoke about the woman who gave birth to his 4 children and who he supposedly loved for 20 years. It no longer matters to them at a certain point. We all know men are highly emotional creatures. Once they snap, there is no rationale in anything. They will do whatever they can to protect their livelihood. This guy actually stopped working his business and started working with his brother and getting paid in cash to avoid having to give her anything! This woman was only asking for 3k/mo in alimony which was nothing to him. He refused! He was happily throwing money at the lawyers dragging it out for as long as he needed to to get things to go his way. This is what I see more times than not. It takes a real MAN (rare commodity) to calm his emotions and look at the big picture. I've met one man in my entire time doing this who was totally fine with giving his ex wife 10k/mo because she was so solid during their marriage.

Even then! Do you really wanna be a Blac Chynna and just collect checks from various men every month?? It sounds fucking great. But every human being needs purpose to feel good about themselves. You need to have goals that you're constantly striving towards. That is the only way you are to feel content my love. Your self esteem and the way you feel about yourself all derive from what you do everyday. Are you living up to your full potential? Are you contributing to the world? Once again, I'm here speaking from experience baby. I've been in the position where I was set. I did not have to work. All the bills were paid. Could do whatever we wanted. There's only so much you can shop. It gets old real fucking quick. You wake up everyday with no purpose, nothing to accomplish. It's no way to live. We (human beings) were not made to do nothing all day. Have you ever done nothing all day?? It's actually really fucking hard!

In my experience being the girlfriend is even worse. There are no laws on your side to protect you and go to bat for you in the event the relationship ends. So you start from ground zero when he leaves. Couple of years ago, I was finishing up my undergrad, I met this guy. SVP of a major company. He was set. After like the first date, we never left each other. I moved in with him, left my place, and he introduced me to a whole new world. Gave me whatever I asked for. Felt like such a princess. Buttttt.... every single time we would have an argument, he would snatch everything from underneath me. He would lock me out of our place, take my key, take the keys the Benz he "gave" me, he would throw designer shoes and things he had bought me away. Like it was insane. I'm saying all this to say, you never want to put yourself in a situation where someone has that much power over you. I don't how in love you are. Never let your emotions cloud your judgement. Towards the end I ended up having him put the car in my name so he couldn't take it anymore and I got another little apartment on the side. So when he wanted to start acting crazy, I had a safe place to go.

You always have to be looking out for you. Set yourself up so you will always be secure. So you can have true freedom. You will be okay whether you have a man or not. This leads to healthier relationships. Why do you think these 50 year old men chase these 18 year olds??It's a little more difficult to manipulate a 40 yo woman isnt it?? When you're standing on a firm foundation, you can have the man you want instead of the one you need. Think about a career that's gonna support the lifestyle you want with/without a man. I know, I know, we all hate the idea of working. But literally from the time you wake up, you're fucking working so get over it babe. You're an adult, not a child anymore. You should be able to support yourself. Think of a business you would like to start that's gonna produce what you need to survive every month. I'm telling you, you will be one miserable woman if you have to depend on a man for the rest of your life. Your 20's are your best years. You're young, full of life, excitement. You are as beautiful as you're ever gonna be. Use that as leverage to get what you want out of these men. Use them to get you to the next level. Have them pay for that masters program, or med school/law school. Have them pay off your debt. Have them pay your rent so you don't have to work as much and can study more. Don't let them be the end goal. Because I promise, they are not your ticket to security.

[thewomanjournal]

I will take myself out of poverty. I’m already worth billions, I just gotta get there. Watch!

[thewomanjournal]

Quit with the excuses. Literally, no more excuses. They’ll always be things happening in life that prevent you from living your dreams. Your dreams don’t work unless you do, meaning get your ass in gear. Stop scrolling through your phone watching other people live their lives meanwhile those five hours of screen-time you wasted today could have been spent taking solid actions towards where you want to be. Don’t let life pass you by. Don’t get complacent justifying the excuses. Today is 8/8 whatever that means to you, it feels like a good day to step TF up and throw out all those irrelevant excuses. Go grab your to do list and make this day count, make ACTIONABLE steps towards your goals. But on some motivational music. Get the energy flowing in your body so you’re ready to move and take action. Quit being a cabbage scrolling, and starring into a screen. God did not place you on this earth, plant dreams inside of you, and bless you with unique gifts for you to do nothing and be nothing in this life. No more excuses baby girl, go live your dreams. Today is your wake up call. 

[thewomanjournal]

Happy Friday ladies 💕

Let’s talk about consistency & putting your mind in a position to attract what you desire .💕

🌸Anyone can say they want to live a financially free, luxury type lifestyle . But it takes a lot more than just words to make that happen. What we want is for every member in this group to be successful in any and everything their heart desires. Success doesn’t just happen overnight. It takes consistency and a firm mindset.

You must eat , live , and breathe the type of lifestyle you want .

🌸Put yourself in a position to be around what it is you’re looking for .

Looking for other like-minded women who want to grow in their personal life and business, then join a country club, go to local networking events.

🌸Aspire to live In your dream home. Go to open houses in the area you want to live in in the future. No you don’t have to be able to afford it, just go view the home. Putting yourself out there will continue to inspire you.

🌸 Consistently work on your career to the point that you’re putting in 100% hard work because your career is what’s going to get you to the lifestyle you want. Whether you work a 9- 5, or if you’re self employed like myself. If you are then creating a detailed schedule is critical. I find that when I write a daily schedule I’m able to tackle a lot of my goals for the day.

If there’s anything you ladies get from this post it is to be consistent with what you want and surround yourself with like-minded people .

[thewomanjournal]

Reminder to push yourself everyday, I know that sometimes you won’t feel like it but you need to do this for your future self. Your future self will thank you for making sure that she is secure and can live the life that she wants, clean your room/ house, eat cleaner, workout, make and save your money and don’t slack because you defiantly dont need that Starbucks everyday or that random item you found at target, write down your goals and get closer to them everyday and don’t slack off, get a planner, stop spending hours on tumblr and get to working on yourself right now, don’t disappoint your future self, make her proud.

[thewomanjournal]

a fresh silk press, neutral nail set, classic lashes, soft glam 🤍

[thewomanjournal]

Tips on manipulating men ?

You might not like my answer; but read. Read MULTIPLE works. The goal of manipulation is to change people’s perception of you. 

I feel like everyone recommends Ho Tactics and it seems to have been effective. I couldn’t make it past the first chapter though, so I never read it. The works of Robert Greene have great strategy (The Art of Seduction, 48 Laws of Power, 33 Strategies of War) and are a gateway. 

My advice would be to look into Philosophy, Psychology & Sociology which make up Social Engineering (strategy, deception, etc.). To get the ball rolling, here are some works that I recommend in no particular order:

The Prince – Niccolò Machiavelli

The Art of War – Sun Tzu

Hagakure – Yamamoto Tsunetomo

Strategy - B.H. Liddell Hart

On War - Carl von Clauswitz

Influence: Science and Practice (The Psychology of Persuasion) – Robert Cialdini

How to Win Friends & Influence People – Dale Carnegie

Social Engineering: The Art of Human Hacking – Chris Hadnagy

Covert Persuasion: Psychological Tactics and Tricks to Win the Game – Kevin Hogan & James Speakman

Get Anyone to Do Anything: Never Feel Powerless Again – David J. Lieberman

Genghis Khan and the Making of the Modern World - Jack Weatherford

The Art of Worldly Wisdom - Baltasar Gracián y Morales

It’s Not All About Me: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone – Robin Dreeke

What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-Reading People – Joe Navarro

Telling Lies: Clues to Deceit in the Marketplace, Politics, and Marriage – Paul Ekman

A very important thing before you even get into manipulation is learning how to control yourself and understanding why you think and act the way you do. Here’s some recommendations:

Positioning: The Battle for Your Mind – Al Ries & Jack Trout

Thinking, Fast and Slow –  Daniel Kahneman

Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions – Dan Ariely

The Social Animal – David Brooks

The Laws of Human Nature – Robert Greene

Philosophy also plays a major role. I quite enjoy the works, and apply some of the philosophical outlooks of Thucydides, Seneca the Younger, Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, and Zeno of Citium. 

I don’t know if you were more referring to physical presentation, or body language, etc. for manipulation, but this is pretty solid. You don’t have to read everything, but be sure to read something. 

[thewomanjournal]

[thewomanjournal]

2021 moodboard pt. 1

[thewomanjournal]

Photo France (1990) Claudia Schiffer by Ellen von Unwerth

[thewomanjournal]

savannah smith for gossip girl