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thisbipuff-isaswiftie · 20 days

Note

Slides in with a bucky request!

Can you do a possoves bucky? Like someone flirts with her and that leads to an argument that leads to to feelings coming out with marking dirty talk and rough sex? Pretty please

Always Watching // Bucky x Fem!Reader

Requested by: hey bestie, thanks for the request!

Tags: 18+ readers only, smut, angst, possessive behaviour, obsession, jealousy, threats of violence, enemies to lovers, pining, unwanted attention, flirting, sexual harassment, arguing, rough kissing, biting, marking, scratching, rough sex, dirty talk, praise kink, overstimulation, light dom/sub, hair pulling, oral (f receiving), size kink

Words: 6.3k

my masterlist 📚 AO3 Link

The word used to describe your relationship with Bucky Barnes was ‘strained’. Strained because you’d prefer it if it were at least adequate, and no one could fault you for the attempts made at becoming his friend and helping him with the transition from the Winter Soldier to a member of the Avengers. In truth, you’d tried more than most to help him, especially as he was still at risk of being compromised and shifting back to the assassin’s mindset. You prided yourself on your compassion and empathy, always providing physical and mental support to Bucky, asking how he was, helping him move into the Avengers tower and adjust to going on missions.

Except, somewhere along the way, it had become evident that from at least Bucky’s perspective, you were a person to keep at arm’s length. Your questions would be ignored, and your attempts to help in medical situations would be pushed away. The only responses you’d receive were belittling comments or fierce glares that would have you backing away from the man and shutting your mouth. Even when you kept to yourself, his eyes always seemed to follow you around the room, eyes burning with what you assumed to be hatred, like he was plotting all the ways to eradicate you.

For some unknown reason, Bucky Barnes seemed to hate you, and you had no idea what you’d done to offend him. The other Avengers and agents you called your friends had all implored that he didn’t hate you, but when you stated the experience you’d received from the long-haired man, there was no response but an awkward close-lipped smile and shrug of the shoulders.

This treatment had been going on for months now, avoidance, glare and comments under his breath, and you were slowly getting to the end of your rope. Even earlier in the day, he somehow managed to get under your skin with only one sentence.

“Are you really going out in that dress?”

At first, you’d been embarrassed and somewhat mortified by his comment, wishing to cover up the beautiful dress that Natasha had helped you to pick that emphasised your body shape and the perfect colour to compliment your skin tone. Soon, the embarrassment changed to anger, finding the comment rude and unnecessary. Who was he to say what it was that you wore? Especially tonight, everyone had returned from a difficult mission and decided it was about time the team let their hair down and went to a nightclub for drinks.

Other than the comment, the rest of your night was amazing. You were feeling a light buzz from the alcohol and danced so much that your calves were beginning to burn from standing in the heels borrowed from Natasha. Even as you became lost in the music and masses of people squeezed into the club, you were still hyper-aware of the man watching you from where he was leaning against the wall.

“Does he even blink?” you shouted, attempting to be over the pounding bass to the red-haired woman you were dancing with.

Natasha tipped her head back and laughed, glancing over her shoulder a second later to assess the man who seemed to be staring at you constantly. Bucky didn’t even have the gall to look away in embarrassment, having been caught staring and that only made Nat’s smile widen as she turned back to you with a twinkle now in her eyes.

“You know why he’s staring”, she says matter of factly, swaying her hips as she talks into your ear.

Your eyes roll so hard that you have a momentary headache. “He does not have a crush on me. Can you please stop saying that? The man clearly hates me! I feel like my skin is burning from his stare, like he wishes me to combust spontaneously.”

After the tight-lipped smiles from your friends, they would often tease that maybe he was being so mean and hateful because he had a crush on you. You’d laughed initially, and some small part of you was hopeful that this was the case, but the more he belittled, embarrassed and ignored you, the more evident that was not the case.

“Maybe he’s just admiring the dress that I know he loves”, Natasha shouts confidently, grabbing your hand and twirling you around in an attempt to show off your outfit.

Despite her ridiculous statement, you laughed, “Well, he has an interesting way of admiring it! I’m going to go and get another drink. Do you need one?”

Natasha shook her head and held up her beer bottle, which was still over half full. Giving her one last smile, you made your way through the sweaty, head bobbing with the music until you finally found a free area at the bar, which was busy enough that you knew it would be a while before being served.

Someone pressed against your arm as a new person also had similar ideas to you, leaning on the bar and trying to get the staff’s attention with a click of his fingers. You took a deep breath to try and refrain from rolling your eyes at the arrogance of the man next to you, who was leaning on his forearm on the bar side.

“What are you having?” he shouted confidently with a grin, and it took you a good minute to realise he was talking to you.

“Oh, no, it’s ok. I’m getting my own drink; I’m sure it won’t take long”, you politely decline, turning your body away from him for a moment, hoping to catch the eye of the bar staff so you didn’t have to stay there any more with the guy next to you.

“Nonsense, pretty girl like you shouldn’t be buying your own drink. Come on, let me buy you a drink. I’m Chad, by the way”, he responds whilst sticking his hand out for you to shake. You stare at the hand before shaking it with a limp wrist, wanting to show that you aren’t enthusiastic about the conversation.

“Nice to meet you, Chad. I appreciate the offer, but I’m really fine buying my drink”. You pull your hand out of his grasp and try to take a step away, but there are so many people at the bar that there’s nowhere to go. Chad only moved closer, ignoring your discomfort as he leaned his face towards yours.

“Don’t be like that, Baby, it’s just a drink. Your dress is beautiful, by the way, it really makes your…eyes pop” As he spoke, he was not looking at your eyes as you crossed your arms to cover your chest. “Are you here alone? Maybe we can grab a drink and go somewhere beautiful; I’d love to get to know you on a more personal level”, Chad asked, lifting his fingers to stroke the apples of your cheeks.

“She’s not alone, and get your fucking hands off of her”, came an aggressive voice from behind as a warm chest brushed against your back.

Bucky pushed against Chad’s shoulder, giving him enough space to stand between the two of you, so now you’re staring at his back as he protectively became a shield for you.

“Hey man, what the fuck’s your problem! Who do you think you are, touching me like that?!” Chad shouted loudly enough that others began to turn and stare at the scene.

You could feel the thickness of the atmosphere, and there was nothing more you wanted to do than de-escalate the situation, not wanting Bucky to get into any further trouble as he was already being watched like a hawk by Shield.

“Bucky, please stop; everyone's staring!” you tried to pull on his arm, but he stayed completely still, ignoring you as he stared daggers at Chad.

The man looked between you and Bucky before settling on you and pointing at Bucky, “Is this guy bothering you? Listen, asshole, she clearly doesn’t want to be with you; otherwise, she wouldn’t have been out here buying her own drink, now would she? Why don’t you get lost so the pretty girl and I can get back to getting to know each other?” Chad smirked cockily.

This only made Bucky tense further, his posture straightening as he took a threatening step forward, and Chad flinched. Bucky’s gloved hands clenched at his side as you quickly did a visual check to see if he had any weapons, but you couldn’t see any in the suit jacket and jeans; you were sure he probably had them hidden up his sleeve.

Bucky took another step forward, nostrils flaring as anger radiated off of him in waves of heat, and genuine fear pooled in your stomach with how the situation escalated as you tried to push him away from Chad.

“If you ever touch her again, I promise you, I will fucking ruin your life. No, you know what, scratch that. If you so much as look at what’s mine again, there’s nowhere on this planet that you can hide; I will find you and end anything you find precious, including your life. Do you understand me?” Bucky asked, his tone surprisingly calm for promising such life-ending threats.

“What's going on here?” another voice joined the conversation as Steve and Tony appeared at your side, pushing the growing crowds back to give everyone space. You would have been thankful for their arrival had you not been staring open-mouthed up at Bucky. Not only was he threatening to kill someone for you, but you didn’t miss the possessiveness in his words and actions, and the biggest question screaming in your mind right now was what he meant by saying ‘what’s his’. Surely he didn’t mean you? Everything was becoming far more complicated than you’d anticipated.

“Is he compromised?” Tony asked in a hushed tone to you as he wrapped a hand around your upper arm, prepared to pull you away from the scene if needed.

Bucky’s eyes snapped to the hand on your arm, the glare moving to Tony’s face as the billionaire changed his stance to one like he was preparing for a fight. Your heart nearly stopped, everything becoming too overwhelming and escalating to a level that no one would be coming down from if it wasn’t stopped soon.

“No! Tony, he’s not compromised; he’s fine. There was just a misunderstanding-”

“A misunderstanding? Is that really what you are calling this situation?” Bucky demands, staring down at you whilst moving out of reach of Steve’s outreached hand.

“Bucky-” you try to reason with him, but you notice that his eyes have gone in the direction Chad seemed to disappear from. He was moving before you could even stop him, following wherever the guy had escaped. Quickly looking up at the confused Tony and Steve, you tried to reassure them whilst beginning to follow after Bucky. “Everything is fine! I’m just going to make sure he’s ok”.

You mostly needed answers than anything, feeling completely and utterly sober now and not wishing to return to the dance floor. As well as making sure that Bucky wasn’t going through with any of his threats.

You were going from being within a stuffy nightclub full of alcohol and dancing people with not enough room to move and music so loud that your voice had to strain to be able to be heard by others. To now, you’re rushing out of the entrance, out into the open air that was considerably colder, added to the fact that the heavens had opened and the rain was pouring enough that it was hard to see more than a few feet in front of you.

Any sane person would have turned right back around and reentered the club just to have some cover, but your adrenaline was pumping, and after a few seconds outside, you were already drenched, so there was no point trying to find the jacket you’d left in the cloakroom.

You follow in the direction Bucky had stormed off, trying to weave through the people running through the rain and past the busy New York traffic. “Bucky!” You called out for him while wrapping your arms around your chest, trying to keep some of the warmth you’d found in the club, but the more you were out in the open, the more the rain wholly soaked your body, drawing the freezing temperatures into your bones.

You stare at his back as he continues to walk with a purpose; you aren’t even sure if he’s following Chad anymore or just needs some air. You try your hardest to keep up, even with the struggle of the slippy wet floor and your ridiculous choice of heels burning your calves enough that you contemplated risking the sanity of the bottom of your feet by taking them off.

“Please, just wait, Bucky!” you shout to the man in front, who, of course, doesn’t slow down. You were at your wit's end, cold and drenched from the rain, confused by Bucky’s reaction in the club, not just from Chad but also the look from Tony grabbing your arm. There was clearly something more going on, and him running away, potentially on the warpath, was only making your anxiety increase to the point of wanting to scream.

Distracted with your rolling emotions, you hadn’t noticed that you were no longer following anyone as the street in front of you only had the occasional couple walking past with umbrellas over their heads.

You’d somehow lost Bucky.

“Shit!” you curse to the sky, letting the rain pour down over your face, unsure of what to do. You could return to the club, but you were now much closer to the tower than you were to the club and at least back at the tower, you could use Jarvis to assist with trying to track and find Bucky.

Before you could follow through with your decision, a gloved hand wrapped around your upper arm, pulling you quickly into an alleyway that had some shelter above your head, protecting you from the rain. Just as your mouth opened to scream and combat training reflexes moved to punch whoever had grabbed you, the movements were halted as you became face-to-face with a very pissed-off Bucky Barnes.

All air rushed from your lungs as you were forcefully pushed up against a wall as Bucky leaned his metal arm beside your head, leaning over you. Even though his blue eyes were burning with more intensity than you’d ever seen before, you still sighed in relief that he hadn’t rushed off somewhere, but now you just had to deal with the confrontation you were hoping for.

“Go back to the party”, he demands in a voice so low that you almost coward from him. Still, instead, you held your ground, pushing off the wall, expecting him to move back in a show of confidence, but he remained hovering close enough that it only meant that there were a few inches between your faces.

In the shadows of the alleyway, he looked threatening, especially with his bulky silhouette, but for some reason, he looked somewhat like a fallen angel. The fierceness in his swirling ocean blue eyes that devoured you completely, the height and strength that was trained through every single inch of muscle throughout his body, even his shoulder-length hair left unbound and dripping from the rain, gave him a mysterious look. It was nearly enough to distract you from the events that had taken place. Nearly.

“What? No! I’m not going back to the party. What even happened back there?”, you demanded, trying to remain as confident as you’d felt when leaving the club and not letting the adrenaline altogether go from your system.

Bucky looks away, towards the end of the alleyway in thought before finally muttering, “It was nothing”.

You scoff, “It wasn’t nothing! You threatened to kill the guy in there, Bucky! And what was all that with Tony? I saw the look you gave him! Oh, and what did you mean by touching what was his?”

To your shock, Bucky smirked, but his gaze was so vibrant when he turned back to look at you that, on instinct, you took the step back again to press against the wall. “I told you not to wear that stupid dress,” he says under his breath, like he is telling you a well-kept secret but is forcing himself to say the words.

You frown, your chest restricting, making it difficult to breathe. “The dress? Why do you hate this dress so much, I can wear whatever the fuck I want, Bucky! Stop trying to change the subject! Everything you do is so confusing. For months, you've acted like me even breathing in the same room as you is an inconvenience and then you’re threatening some asshole guy at the bar and protecting me? What’s that about?”

“Because I knew I’d have to be fighting off dickheads like him all night! That’s why I have an issue with the dress. When men like him take one look at you and assume that they have any right to even talk to you, let alone any of the other fucked up shit he was hoping to get from you”.

His outburst shocked you to the core, leaving you stunned and fumbling to think of any words. “I…I don’t understand where this is all coming from. Wait, aside from Chad, no one is allowed to talk to me? Who do you think you are to decide something like this? Maybe I want a cute guy to buy me a drink!”

“You’re naive if you think guys will only want to buy you a drink and nothing more”.

Your face heats uncontrollably at his words, hating the condescension lacing his words. “Don’t talk to me like that! Maybe that’s just what I want anyway. Someone nice to buy me a drink and treat me with kindness that clearly you won’t give me! So how dare you try to dictate my life by saying what I wear means you’ll have to be my knight in shining armour! You don’t have to do anything for me, these past few months have clearly shown you don’t give a shit about me so why care so much what people do to me?”

“You don’t understand”, he seeths through gritted teeth.

You want to scream in frustration from the lack of answers, letting all the energy form in your arms and hands as you pushed on his chest, needing some space between both of your bodies, but he was built of stone as he didn’t move at all.

“Then explain!” you shout in frustration, the heat and adrenaline returning to your veins. “Because I’m losing my fucking mind right now! Why do you act like you hate me one minute and save me another whilst acting like you have any sort of say as to what I wear and who touches or looks at me?”

“Because he touched what’s mine!” Bucky bellows, his face dropping close to yours as a vein bulges on his temple. “Call it jealousy, call is possessive, I don’t fucking care. Do you know how hard it is to see you in the line of fire at work and then come out to places like this and watch every guy and woman in this place have their eyes all over your body, wishing that they could have you? And then watching that asshole Chad come and talk to you, giving you those compliments and then having the nerve to touch you? He was a dead man walking”.

Your mouth opens and closes, feeling like you are having an out-of-body experience. “But… but you hate me”, you say, sounding as defeated as you felt.

Bucky scoffs again with less anger this time, the tone of his voice calming slightly as he leans closer, crowding you in his warmth. “I don’t have you, sweetheart, but I’m so fucked up in here”, he points to his head, “I can’t risk being near you”.

“Bucky-”

“Just go back to the party. I’ll call you a cab; just don’t follow me.”.

A lump forms in your throat. There’s no way you’re leaving him to go back to the club, and just as you’re about to tell him that, he’s suddenly dipping his head and cheek against yours so that he can whisper into your ear. “Just know that even though I’m not there, I’ll know if someone is looking at you. Your body is for my eyes only, so if anyone approaches, they’re dead”.

The breath hitches in your throat as your fingers clench, and you remember that they’re still resting on Bucky’s chest as you grip his shirt tightly. The warmth against your face retreats as he attempts to move back, and it is out of instinct that you glance towards his lips. You’ve never experienced anyone becoming possessive over you before. It should have had you running in the opposite direction, but your feet remained planted in that same spot, leaning towards the protective force in front of you.

Bucky then surprises you as you watch his frowning lips shift into a knowing smirk, laughing under his breath which causes a pulse of attraction through your cunt. “Oh Doll, you’re going to need to stop looking at me like that; otherwise, you won’t be returning to that party”.

A surge of confidence rocks through your core as your gaze burns into his intricate, beautiful eyes, “What if I don’t want to go back to the party?”.

You try not to jump away from the gloved hand, now cupping your jaw, tilting your face up towards the covering, shading you both from the continuing thrashing rain. The warmth of his breath skips over your exposed throat as he runs his nose along your skin, causing a shiver to rush down your spine. “You don’t mean that?” his tone had deepened and sounded increasingly strained, as if he was somehow holding himself back.

You weren’t entirely sure what was happening and how everything had changed to such a degree. All you were 100% certain about was that there was no way you would be going back to any party without Bucky.

“I mean it more than you could ever know”, you say with a rush of breath, finding it difficult to hold back the restraint to continue looking up entirely at his mercy simply.

Bucky contemplates your words as his nose drifts lower, and your heartbeat thumps hard in your chest. You are sure that you’ve felt the delicate kiss of his lips against the sensitive skin beneath your ear. “I think you like it when I show you who you belong to”, Bucky states with arrogance and sultry need that equally has your knees weakening.

The pure desire pooling in your underwear was becoming impossible to ignore, like a flame had been lit within your body and was slowly devouring your rational thoughts. A weak moan escapes your lips as your eyes drift close.

“Bucky…” you trail off, beginning to tremble, not from the low temperatures or being soaked through from the rain, but because your arousal had hit you so deeply that he consumed all thoughts.

“Yes?” Bucky asks as he laughs throatily at how you were so easy to succumb to his advances.

“Just fucking kiss me already!”

The pleasure and pain that enveloped your body was something that you’d crave and dream about for months to come. Pain because his lips pushing into yours with such force that your body was pushed back against the brick wall, but the overwhelming pleasure from finally feeling his mouth on yours, the hand gripping your jaw moving to the back of your head to cradle it with gentleness that you were surprised he as even capable of. The urgency didn’t end there, even as you finally received what you both had truly wanted for all of this time. You needed more of him, all of him, every single inch of his body you wanted to feel without the barrier of his clothes.

Bucky’s nose pushed into your cheek as he tilted his head to deepen the kiss, both of your mouths opening to allow your tongues to dance and caress one another. You moaned, tasting the mint on his tongue and something that was so uniquely him your mind momentarily lost any coherent thought.

His massive body was pressed against yours so that you were consumed by him completely. Which also meant that you could feel the hardness of his arousal rutting into your stomach as he gently rolled his hips to try and relieve some pent-up frustration.

You were ready to give him everything, right there, in a random alleyway in rainy New York, where anyone could stumble upon the two of you. Thankfully, Bucky still could hold onto some restraint as he put some distance between you.

“As much as I’d love to fuck you in front of everyone, I have the sneaky suspicion that Fury would not be pleased if a member of the Avengers were caught having a quickie out in public”.

In any other situation, you probably would have laughed at the absurdity and realisation as to just how far gone you’d become to actually be ready to lift your dress and let him fuck you. However, you were so caught up in the fact that this was happening and hearing the beautiful man in front of you say that he wanted to fuck you in a public setting only added to the deep desire from his possessive tendency to increase.

Bucky pressed a chastising kiss to your temple as he began to shrug his jacket from his shoulders to then wrap it around yours, and you could have moaned at the warmth and mouthwatering scent of his cologne surrounding you. The man you thought hated you didn’t give you any time to lose your senses as he grabbed your hand and tugged you out of the alleyway and back into the startling freezing rain.

As the Avengers tower was only a couple blocks away, it was easier for the two of you to run in the rain, with his arm wrapped around your shoulders, using his big build to shield you somehow from the wetness, but you were already soaked.

Finally, once in the safety of the private elevator that was only used for residents of the tower, you both were once more consumed with each other. His jacket was pushed to the floor so he could run his gloved hands over your shoulders and back to cradle your face.

Your back was against the elevator wall as he crowded around you, trying to taste every possible area of your mouth. Your leg lifted, hooking around his hips and causing your dress to hitch further up your thigh until it rested around your waist, pulling him closer.

In this position, he was able to thrust his tented jeans against your panties, the rough material catching your clit and causing an obscene moan to echo around the small space. His lips left yours but only so that he could kiss down the side of your neck, causing more mewls and pathetic squeaks to leave your parted mouth.

“I want the whole world to know you’re mine”, he declares as his teeth scrap against the area where your shoulder and neck meet. The same part of you that was throbbing for his possessive tendencies needed him to do whatever he was alluding to. To persuade him to continue, you ran your fingers up his firm chest, scratching up his throat and to the nape of his neck so that you were able to grab a handful of his hair and tug him even closer.

However, arriving at the Avengers’ living quarters interrupted the two of you. Without missing a beat, Bucky's hands lowered to your thighs, picking you up so that your legs were now wrapped around his waist as he supported your weight with his hands on your arse.

Your fingers remained in his hair, pulling his face back to your neck as he began to suck on different areas, marking your skin with darkening, wet patches. The tiny reasoning voice at the back of your mind was warning you that you’d regret those marks tomorrow, but with the want and need to have his lips and teeth all over your body, you couldn’t care less if he was marking you.

Everything about his touch was seering in heat, even though those leather gloves still covered his hands. It was as if you could feel the temperature of his burning skin through the material, and it only made you more desperate to claw at his clothes. Equally, Bucky needed to feel more of your soft skin and learn every inch of your body.

You were only half aware that you’d entered his bedroom because the low lighting had naturally turned on by the building's sensors. It was minimalistic, and for a second, your focus zoned into the sheets and pillow led out on the floor and not on the bed, which was just a bare mattress that he all but dropped you into the centre of.

His lips were on yours again, and you were thoroughly distracted from the makeshift bed on the floor. The sharp sting of his teeth grazing your bottom lift caused you to mewl and pull on his hair, exposing his thick neck that gave you the opening to begin your exploration, licking and teasing until he was shivering and sitting back on his knees.

You admired him momentarily as he seemed to do the same for you. His handsome face was flushed with arousal, the pupils in his eyes so vast that it was almost as if the clear blue didn’t exist anymore. His chest was heaving with steading breaths as he began to pull on each of the fingers of his gloves.

“How expensive is the dress?” he asked, eyeing the cleavage that had been his downfall all night.

“It’s Natasha’s”, you answered breathlessly.

“I’ll buy her a new one”, Bucky mumbles, gripping the edges of the dress and tearing the material into two. You gave a startled scream as you were suddenly left in your underwear, but the shock at being exposed was swiftly distracted by him ripping his shirt directly down the centre so all the buttons popped off, and the material shrugged off his broad shoulders.

Even though this wasn’t the first time you’d seen him without a shirt on, your breath caught in your breath at his beautifully sculptured chest and abs, mouth already watering with the need to lick every inch of him.

“Be a good girl for me, Doll and spread your legs”, he demands with surprising gentleness, still sitting back on his knees and stroking a soft caress against your outer thighs.

A pathetic whimper bursts from your chest at the praise, pussy clenching with need that you didn’t waste a second before opening your legs. Even though you still had your panties on, Bucky's gaze became hungry, as if he was a man on the brink of starving to death as he licked his lip and began to lower his body.

“You don’t understand how long I’ve wanted to do this”, he admits, gripping the edge of your underwear and beginning to drag the material down your legs.

You smile to yourself, straightening yourself in the centre of the bed and getting comfortable as your legs naturally lay across his shoulders as he led stomach first on the bed.

“Jealousy seems to be a great motivator for you”, you tease, but all the smug arrogance is drowned out by the pornographic scream from feeling his tongue taking a long, exaggerated lick from your perineum to your clit. You weren’t sure who was louder between the two of you with the moans as Bucky finally was able to taste the girl he’d been wanting for months and you for having someone actually wanting to give you some form of pleasure.

Every time you made a noise of pure joy or increased in volume, Bucky repeated the action, learning what you loved. Your thighs were nearly suffocating him with how hard they were squeezing around his face, and you knew that he would happily die right there between your legs if that’s what you truly wanted. Then there was the hair you were clenching, probably having ripped out two handfuls as you pulled on his long hair, hoping to have him as close as possible between your legs.

“Fuck Bucky! Who taught you how to do that- AH! I’m so close!” your back was arched, eyes clenched tightly closed as the pleasure was tightening within your core. His tongue lapped with quick flicks, firming the tip to add more pleasure as he pushed it into your dripping pussy. His moans added extra stimulation as you happily came all over his face, trembling and twitching cunt around his lips and tongue.

Just as Bucky was about to add two fingers into your still pulsing hole, you shouldn’t take the wait anymore and begged, “Please just fuck me already, Barnes!”

The Avengers grinned down at you as he began to crawl up your body, nipping each of your breasts with his teeth through your bra as he moved. Your cheeks warmed, seeing the shine over his stubble from your juices that he’d been happily drinking. Your thoughts didn’t remain on this fact for long though as he was kissing you feverishly once more, meaning you could now taste yourself on his lips.

With his mouth thoroughly distracting, you’d not noticed that he’d been unbuckling his belt and shoving his jeans and boxers down his toned thighs. Without waiting until they were entirely removed from his body, he swiped his cock between your folds, coating his length in your liquids.

Your mouth gaped open as the tip of his cock nudged into your entrance, stretching it to a level that you’d not been used to. “Shh, it’s ok, Doll, you can take me”, he promised, with one hand holding your hip steadily and the other against your cheek so he could hold your face still.

He was so deep, impossibly deep. You could feel him everywhere, widening your cunt until you were fluttering around his cock, and he hadn’t even begun fucking you properly yet.

“Nearly there, try and relax for me”, Bucky praises into your ear as your eyes widen, realising that it wasn’t even the entire length of him inside of you yet. Only as he was pushing into your cervix did your head fall back, and you sighed out. “That’s it, you’re taking me so well. Put your arms around my back; you’re going to need to hold onto something”, he boasts as you try and take a deep breath, your fingers reaching around his back, nails digging into the skin to give yourself something to hold onto.

Spreading his knees further apart on the bed, Bucky readjusts his position to gain more momentum. The man fucked good. More than good. You were pretty much pleading incoherently to whatever gods were above or below. There wasn’t anything you were begging for, just whatever it was that Bucky seemed to be doing, that it never stopped.

Each stroke caressed that sweet spot within, and with the way his hips rolled, he was able to nudge your clit with his body. Added to the mouth on your neck, biting and licking the sore spots to ease the ache, his hands pinning you down to the bed only added to the raw possessiveness dictating Bucky’s movements.

Harder and faster, his hips moved. The thick cock pounding into your cunt until you were seeing stars and cumming again, squeezing him so hard he had to still his hips to stop his own orgasm from spiralling.

But then, he's pulling out and turning you onto your front, spreading your legs once more and demanding, “Arch your back for me, Sweetheart”. Doing as he instructed, your still-covered breasts pressed into the mattress as your hips angled up. With one hand holding onto your shoulder and the other on your hip, he began to fuck you with just as much enthusiasm.

In this position, he somehow felt even more deeper, and all you could do was cry out and moan with how good he felt.

“Tell me you’re mine, I need to hear you say it”, Bucky grunts as you came for the third time, becoming overstimulated and disorientated with how good you felt.

Your cunt was still squeezing with the effects of the orgasm as you repeatedly told him, “I’m yours, only yours, Bucky”.

Bucky’s head tilted back so that he could release an almighty grunt, the hands on your body tightening enough that the skin became tender, but you didn’t care at all, not with how good you were feeling. You could feel his cock throbbing and the wetness that followed, dripping from your hole and onto the mattress beneath.

It was a long few minutes before he eased out and collapsed onto the mattress beside you, the two of you breathing heavily as his metal fingers stroked slowly down your spine and his lips followed.

“You should have told me earlier”, you whisper over your shoulder to him.

“Hmm?” he asks, moving up to your shoulder, where he carefully kissed the skin that was tender from his grip moments before.

“You should have told me how you felt”, you explain, thinking about how much time was wasted.

“Maybe. But then, I wouldn’t have had so much fun threatening everybody for looking at you”, he answers with a grin, kissing your cheek once before climbing off the bed and returning with the sheets from the floor.

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thisbipuff-isaswiftie · 21 days

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thisbipuff-isaswiftie · 29 days

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thisbipuff-isaswiftie · 2 months

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Girl I can't access your masterlist 😭😭😭😭

SO CAN'T I

i haven't been writing or active on tumblr that much and i think my blog is glitching but you can tell me the fanfic you want to read in my inbox and ill put a link don't worry love.

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thisbipuff-isaswiftie · 3 months

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This Feeling I've Got (Bucky Barnes)

Congratulations to Tiff @barnesafterglow on hitting 1k, this my second submission for her #all’s well writing challenge. The song I have picked is Taylor Swift's Cruel Summer - Lover, lyrics: he looks up grinning like a devil and i'm drunk in the back of the car had so much fun writing this sort of is non canon compliant with the FATWS timeline.

Pairing: FATWS!Bucky Barnes x Plus Size!fem!Reader

Warnings: fluff, sorta angst?, drinking, drunk conversation, bucky being insecure about his arm, bucky bein a lil flirt, bucky's grin, fluff, swearing. Sam really just wanted chips man.

Word Count: 2794

Masterlist // AO3 // This Feeling I've Got AU Masterlist

“Oh come on.” Bucky groans, smacking the side of the vending machine as the M&Ms pack is stuck and he’s out of another set of quarters to retrieve the item.

He huffs, shaking his head. The summer evening air making his henley stick to him. He wipes the sweat pooling above his brow. Sam’s relentless teasing about his jacket returns to his mind. He backs away colliding into you making you drop your ice bucket.

The glow of the vending machine reflects from plastic wrapping and cubes.

“I’m so sorry.” He quickly picks it up before the packs of ice spill over.

“No worries, machine got you too?” You chuckle, pointing at a twix bar, stuck forward falling against the glass.

“That yours?” Bucky shakes his head in disappointment at the machine’s inefficiency.

“Yup, wasted an extra dollar it stayed there.” You sigh sadly, looking at the bar of chocolate longingly.

“That is horrible.” He comments a smile tugging at the corners of his lips when he sees your lips twitch.

You laugh, “I usually am not this heartbroken about chocolate bars.”

“It is a heartbreak I wouldn’t blame you.” He flashes you this deep grin that has you wanting to just never let it fade from his face.

“I actually do have an M&M pack in my room.” You recall the convenience inventory you’ve garnered during your one day stay at the hotel.

“I would not want to impose…” Bucky wants to smack himself, you’re gorgeous and he’s shutting down a chance to get to know you.

“Oh no, not at all I just went crazy at the convenience store and you can have it I prefer the Reese cups.” You explain, smiling when Bucky steps towards you.

The walk back is short, your rooms on the same floor as the machines.

Bucky notices your room is kept tidy, your small suitcase tucked away. You hand him the M&M bag. He gives you that signature devilish grin.

“So what do you need all the ice for?” He asks opening the pack to eat the chocolate goodness.

“Oh you know have a dead body in the tub can’t let it decompose.” You deadpan.

“Then you need more ice and probably more room freshener, also salt on the ice so it doesn’t melt quickly.” He adds with a shrug.

You look at him, is he, is he a serial killer? You pause the thought too worried to complete it.

“You don’t actually have a body right?” Bucky raises an eyebrow and eyes the M&Ms suspiciously.

“What no, I was making a joke. Also those aren’t poisoned.” You point out.

“I was joking too.”

Your jaw tenses, so does Bucky’s.

He takes in your form, the way your top accentuates your chest, the black lace intrinsic, so delicate, against your skin.

Bucky wants to know how your soft skin and curves would feel in the palms of his hands?

How would you feel wrapped around him?

“So what do you need the ice for?” He changes the direction of his mind.

“Bachelorette party, my friends and the bride are coming over and this is the midpoint of the party starting.” You turn sideward so Bucky can see the line of alcohol bottles.

His shoulders relax as he chuckles.

“Well, I hope you have fun.” He gives you that smile, the one you want to be the reason for each time.

“Thanks, what are you here for?” You ask, taking a bite out of your Reese cup.

Bucky watches the chocolate smear at the corner of your lips, he licks his own.

“Oh, well, just, I’m investigating someone.” Bucky can’t divulge too much information, Sam is probably thinking he’s missing, the motel was across from the drop site.

“Are you a cop?” You tilt your head, his eyes follow the chocolate on your lips, parting his own when you lick your bottom lip.

“No, not a cop no, just in the system, are you not from here?” He wonders.

“I was blipped.” You shrug.

“So was I.” He adds quietly, the silence comfortable.

You have a moment of bravery,

“I um,” you let out a breathy laugh, the lemon scent of the automated air freshener hisses through the air. You tug at your top, its shorter than what you go for, it towards the cropped end, but you feel good about it, hell you feel great in it.

“I don’t even know your name,” You begin.

“James, though friends call me Bucky.” He smiles offering his glove clad hand.

“Y/N.” You smile back shaking his hand.

Bucky raises his hand to your face, you look at the gloves, taking them in, slightly furrowing your eyebrows, then Bucky sees you shrug, and you continue to look up at him.

“You um, there is some chocolate.” Bucky breathes, he wants to facepalm and also know what was that little thought you just had?

“Oh um,” You scramble to get the chocolate away, wiping with a tissue, “Better?” You look back into his eyes.

He nods, “So, Y/N since you aren’t a serial killer, I’d like to ask for your number, if that is alright?” Bucky bites his lip, hopeful.

You blush, nodding, quickly getting your phone out of the pocket of your leggings.

“Here,” You unlock and hand it to him, Bucky enters his number, handing it back after saving it.

“I’ll just shoot you a text, so you have it too, is that okay?” You look at him hesitant.

“Please do.” He bites the inside of his cheek, hoping that doesn’t seem desperate.

You chuckle, sending him a text.

‘hey guy who bumped into me.

— the girl who gave you M&Ms’

When his phone chimes, he pulls it out laughing at the text.

His thumb taps across the screen.

You look down at your phone when it vibrates.

‘hey girl who gave me M&Ms,

I’ll get you that twix.

— guy who bumped into you.’

You chuckle, a few knocks sound off on your door.

As you open it your best-friend, Nia stumbles in clearly starting the party a little early, she squeals, “Y/N! Kayla and Akira are checking in to the other room—,” then pauses to look up at Bucky.

“Oooh someone was busy.” She teases.

You see Bucky blush in sync with you.

“I’ll um,” Bucky gestures to the door with his thumb.

“It’s um, it is nice to have met you.” You say.

“Likewise, Doll.” He gives you a wink, watching you blush is something Bucky decides would be his favourite thing about you.

“See you, James. Have fun too? I, um, hope it is productive.” You wave shyly, he waves back, walking back to his room.

Your best friend gives you a look, “Okay dish about Mr. James here, before Kayla comes in she’s being a bridezilla.”

You giggle, recounting the events as you prepare the drinks bucket.

---------

“How long does it take to get M&Ms and chips?” Same quizzes lowering the binoculars turning to Bucky, no chips in sight.

“Man you forgot the one thing I requested.” Sam looks exasperated.

“Oh uh, sorry the vending machine was not letting go of anything.” Bucky shrugs his jacket off and his gloves.

“Then how do you have M&Ms?” Sam eyes the confectionary wanting a few.

“Oh, Y/N gave me a spare.” He shrugs.

Sam blinks, “Was she your friend from the 40s?”

“What?”

“Because I don’t know a Y/N, Barnes.” Same explains then raises an eyebrow at the pink tinge coating Bucky’s cheeks.

“Okay who is she? Where do I find her?” Sam teases, Bucky glares at him.

“I just wanna know if she has spare chips.” Sam raises his hands in peace.

Bucky explains as they switch positions to continue the stakeout and Sam places an order for take out.

----------

Its 1 am when Bucky’s phone rings, your name flashes across his screen. He smiles as he presses answer.

“Buckyyyyyyy.” Your voice is slurred.

“Uh, Y/N where are you?” He worries if you’re drunk and in trouble.

“Trying to hail a goddamn caaaab. Uber won’t co-come throuuugh.” You sing song.

“Are you alright, Doll?” Bucky follows the movements of the man exiting the building, he takes pictures from the positioned camera.

“No,” You sigh, Bucky tenses, half turning towards the door,

“I can’t stop thinking about youuu. Annnnd your very pretty blue eyeeees.” You giggle, Bucky wants to laugh as well.

“Well guess what, I can’t stop thinking about you either.” He admits, the warmth on his cheeks proof.

“Reaaally?” You hiccup.

“Are you talking to James?” He picks up the voice of your best friend she sounds equally if not more plastered.

“Yes, I-I ammmm,” You hum.

“He’s so hot.” She says, sighing.

“He’s cute too, did I tell you, did I tell you about his grin?” You grab her arm, shaking it for emphasis.

Bucky bites his grin back, he wonders if you will remember this, he wishes you do rather he wishes whatever is comfortable for you happens.

“What about my grin, Doll?” He is waiting to see what you have to say in this drunken gaze.

“Well, you knooooww when you bumped into me aaand I dropped the ice?” You ask, only dragging out a few words.

“Yes.” He nods, though you can’t see him, he’s taking a few more pictures for his intel.

“Yes when he was upset about the chocolate, shouldn’t be upset he could have you as dessert.” He hears your best friend again, he licks his lips at the prospect.

Maybe you could be his favourite dessert.

“Well when he, when heee helped the, ice pick-picking up, he looks at me, he looks up grinning like a devil. But I swear, I swear you could see angel wings and halo.” You explain to both him and your friend.

Bucky’s breath hitches, no one saw him as an angel. The devilish handsomeness he’d heard before but this, this he’s wondering just how drunk are you.

He misses what your friend says being in his own thoughts.

“I’m telling you, he has a halo tucked and hidden away somewhere.” You press on, completely serious.

He hears shuffling and a car door closing.

“Where are you, Doll?” Bucky asks, trying to decipher the sounds.

“I’m drunk in the back of the car, Buckyyyy.” You’re more calmer now, he denotes.

“Cab came through?” He wonders if he should wait out for you.

“Mmhmm.” You affirm, “I feel sleepy, is it normal to feel sleepy? Also hungry? Swear he has that halo hiding somewhere.” You enquire and state.

Bucky’s laugh echoes through you, even in your drunken state, you can picture your favourite grin.

“Tends to happen, Doll.” He tells you, you whine trying to find a comfortable spot.

“Are you sleepy?” He wonders as your breathing begins to even out.

He can hear your friends chatter away but he focuses on your breathing, it grounds him as he continues watching outside.

He sees the cab come in, you whine over the phone as you’re woken up, the call is cut off. Sam switches with him as he goes out, watching you, your best friend and two more of your friends enter your side by side placed rooms.

He retreats inside, smiling at the drunken exchange, deciding to bring you coffee in the morning.

---------

The soft knocks on your door do nothing to dull the headache that is manifesting. You hear Nia groan, “Make it go away.”

You throw a pillow at her, “Why am I designated door answerer?”

“Because I can’t move or I’ll throw up.” She mumbles.

“You owe me coffee.” You grumble to her.

“Also you’re more pleasant to speak to.” Nia added sinking further into the mound of pillows.

Bucky wants to laugh, his enhanced hearing picking up the thump of your tired feet as you move closer toward his presence. Stifling a yawn you open the door, widening your eyes noticing him.

Bucky gives you a soft smile, he opens his mouth to say something but you shut the door.

“Uh, Y/N?” He asks loud enough, you slump against the door.

“James, I’m, I’m not decent.” You call out, looking at your cartoon PJs which has Marie from Aristocats all over.

“I for one think, Marie is an exceptional fur-ball.” He makes you smile, you open the door hesitant.

“There she is.” Bucky’s grin returns, your heart does a surge, it is that grin.

His azure eyes trail over you stopping for a few moments over your chest and hips where the PJs accentuate your curves.

“Um, did you need anything?” You ask, “I’m not opening the door much otherwise she’ll combust in the sunlight.” You nod your head towards the Nia occupied bed.

Bucky catches the purse that is coming your way.

Your eyes widen, “Oh right you’re not a cop but trained probably.”

Bucky wonders how are you not bulging your eyes out at his enhanced reflexes.

“You’re something else you know?” He shakes his head.

“In a bad way?” You fidget with the door handle.

“No, god no, if someone else saw that they would have run the other way.” He explains and you frown.

“You kinda explained about the not cop but something so I just think you’re some spy.” You chuckle.

“Some spy huh? Would some spy bring you coffee?” He holds up the delicious smelling beverage you moan at the scent as it almost begins driving the headache away.

Bucky swallows, that sound waking up thoughts he wants buried inside.

He hands you the cup, you gingerly take a sip, sighing in content.

“Thank you, really James, I needed this.” You offer him a smile.

“I preferred when you called me Bucky.” He says and you seem confused,

“When did I—, oh shit.” It clicks, the call, the falling asleep, calling him devilishly handsome.

Your entire body heats up,“Ja-James, I’m so sorry, I was so drunk god I probably bothered you,” You stutter.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Bucky grabs your hand, stopping your spiral, “That drunk conversation was really fun, had me worried for a while but then I saw you get in safely into the room, you’re really adorable.” He admits, “Also I’ve never been called an angel before.”

“Swear you have a halo hiding somewhere.” You repeat.

Bucky laughs, “Help me find it, little kitten?” He meant it teasingly, but your pupils dilate and Bucky takes note, smirking.

“Y-yeah.” You blush further, then clear your throat, licking your bottom lip.

“I really want to kiss you, kitten.”

Your eyes lock with his blue ones at his request.

“Jame—, Bucky,” you correct when he makes a face, “I’m not even dressed yet.”

“I’m in my PJs too.”

You notice under his leather jacket he is wearing sweats and a sleep t-shirt.

You take a breath in, stepping closer to him.

He’s much taller, Bucky hesitantly places his left palm against your cheek. It felt colder even with the glove.

“Jame—Bucky?” You question, wondering if it is a medical condition, his gaze hardens. Walls building themselves back up.

“Hey, it is okay,” You place your hand over his, keeping his palm against your cheek.

“Whenever you feel safe and comfortable okay? I won’t demand to know, the story, or the reason it is yours to decide to share.” You raise your own hand to his cheek, his stubble tickles as your stoke his warm skin.

“Is that, what you thought yesterday? When you saw the gloves?” He needs to know.

You nod, “I realised you’re wearing them for a reason, and it is not my place to say or demand to know.”

“Y/N,” his voice is full of emotion unable to say anything, how can someone be so considerate? Your fingers brush over his cheek.

“You do not have to explain or say anything.” You assure.

“Still want to kiss you.” He whispers, you smile.

“Still want to be kissed by you.” He smiles at your words, his right hand under your chin, tilting your head upwards, he captures your soft lips upon his own.

The kiss deepens, you try not to spill the coffee somehow Bucky grabs it and keeps it away with the other bag of Sam's things, then pulls you close all without letting your lips move away from his. The scent of his cologne with pine and musk envelopes you, with a hint of vanilla.

Somehow you can taste chocolate on his lips, his hair so. soft under your fingertips. His hands roam over your sides pulling shivers from you, pressing you closer.

The taste of coffee surges through him, and Bucky knows it won’t be caffeine he’s about to get addicted toward.

It will be you.

Only you.

--x--

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thisbipuff-isaswiftie · 3 months

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this was beautiful

I Should Have Stayed - Bucky Barnes

Summary: When Bucky's distance with you causes your safety to be compromised, he will do anything to get you to back. Even if it means awakening the Soldat he fears looms at the periphery of his mind. Part of my This Feeling I've Got (Bucky Barnes AU). This piece can be read as a standalone.

Pairings: FATWS!Bucky Barnes x Plus Sized! Fem!Reader (established relationship)

Warnings: angst, whump, reader is injured, reader and bucky argue, bucky is an idiot (at the start), hydra mess, torture, angst, some fluff, mild mention of smut (nothing described), mentions of bucky's time as soldat, feels, emotional hurt comfort, reader feels neglected, making out, caring of wounds, emotional messes?, crying.

AN: i started writing this months ago and finally had the inspo to complete it, i hope you enjoy reading it

Word Count: 8981 || Dividers: @firefly-graphics

Masterlist // AO3 // This Feeling I've Got AU Masterlist

It started slowly. Unseen texts. Ignored calls. Softly his footsteps felt foreign on the worn flooring of the home the two of you shared. Touches that lingered across dawn, warmth that shielded you from a new day gone even before it enveloped you.

You stare at the device almost hating it. It had been two days of radio silence. The device chimes just as you’re halfway putting away the untouched food. Your appetite is gone.

Bucky: hey kitten, the mission ran longer, we needed wheels up swiftly so I couldn't let you know earlier, the extension led into another mission. I’ll be home soon.

Scoffing, you place the device upside down. You’d believe him when he stayed home or should you call it that anymore? Alpine curls around your feet, her meow making you look at her.

“Yeah Al, he isn’t coming home tonight, said soon.” You tell her, the chirp from her sounds disappointed as well. Sitting on the dining chair you stare at the wooden pattern. It begins to blur, Alpine rubs her head against your arm,

“I just miss him.”. The sob is a quiet echo through the empty house.

The day comes in, along with the headache your crying caused. When you shift a weight pulls you back. Panic sets into your bones before a sleep laced voice grumbles,

“Kitten, go back to sleep, it's too early.” Bucky pulls you closer with his vibranium arm, his thumb stroking the skin of your stomach.

“Need to go to the bathroom…” You trail, shifting away from him. His grip loosens, you don’t look back at him as you make your way over. Shutting the door, your eyes lace with more tears. Not one ‘i missed you’, ‘i love you’.

Wiping your eyes, splashing cold water on your face. It does little to help the puffy appearance of your face. The pain medication sits on the counter. Sighing you grab two, placing the bottle back.

You needed something to stomach the medication. Bucky sits up on the bed rubbing his eyes as you head out, the blanket bunched around his waist. Your eyes move over him, no visible injuries, relief floods you. Alpine clambers onto the bed, nuzzling into his side and purring.

“Hi pretty girl, I missed you.” He coos.

Wordlessly you head to the kitchen. Swallowing down, if you got time with him you wouldn’t argue. If he didn't, maybe you would ask if he even wants to be together anymore. You knew missions would come and go. He would update you before leaving. Now it was after the fact.

“What hurts?” Bucky’s arms move around your waist, chest warming your back. Chin resting on your shoulder. Lips press to your cheek, “Heard the bottle.”

“Just my head.” You take a bite of the toast.

“Did you sleep late? You didn’t reply…” He kisses your temple.

Were you naive to want to melt into his affections? You take another bite of toast. Bucky kisses along your hairline. Palm moving over your back, soft touches. You lean against him, resolve breaking.

You shake your head, “Just, feeling off, I guess.”

“Come back to bed then.” He coaxes, “Let me cuddle the headache away.”

You chuckle, looking up at him, his brows furrow.

“Kitten,” he turns to you, cupping your face in his hands, “What made you cry?”

“Nothing–,”

He gives you a look that oozes disbelief.

“Just a movie, you know how I get.” you lie, “I was assured of healing cuddles?” you raise your brow.

Bucky says nothing for a beat, then leads you back to bed after you take the medicine. Tucked against his side, head on his chest. Fingertips softly running over your scalp.

“Did you miss me?” You ask on the precipice of sleep, you don’t look up. What if he lies?

“Every minute I’m away I miss you, Kitten.” his index finger tucks under your chin, titling your head back to look into his blue eyes.

“Couldn’t wait to come back to you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I had to leave for another one right after.” Sincerity shines in his voice and eyes.

You swallow the lump in your throat, your palm moves from his chest to his jaw. His stubble grew out further. Pushing yourself closer, Bucky meets your lips half way. The bed is soft as he turns, pressing you against it. Your legs wrapped around his waist. Your back arches when his hips rut against you.

Bucky moans against your throat as he marks your skin, his scent envelopes you further, pine, bergamot, your own little concoction of heaven.

“Missed you so much, my pretty little kitten.” He tugs on your earlobe.

“Bucky,” You call out, your hands roaming on his back needing him closer.

“Need you too baby.” He assures, kissing along your shoulder, back up and meeting your lips again, tugging on your lip.

“I love you.”

“Mine, as I am yours.”

“Yours.”

You feel his presence over you, on every part of your skin. Basking in the afterglow. Softly Bucky traces his own written memories across your back. Humming when you nuzzle closer. He presses kisses to your skin, forehead, temple.

You don’t know why the tears reappear, maybe the intensity of his love, the love you can finally feel surrounding you. You press further into the crook of his skin. Bucky’s hand pauses on your mid back.

“Kitten?” He feels the warm tears over his chest.

You shake your head when he tries to pull away to look at you, your arms tighten around him, keeping yourself flush against him and hidden away.

“It’s okay, I’m here, let it out. I’ve got you.” He runs a hand over your head, free hand running over your back.

Even as the sobs shake you, he doesn’t let go. He keeps you protected.

Minutes pass as you calm down, sniffling intermittently. Bucky waits till you stop crying completely. He sits the two of you up, pulling you into his lap. Grabbing the tissues from the side table. He wipes the remnants of the breakdown from your face.

“You want to talk about it?” His question is met by silence and your nervous fiddling.

“We don’t have to talk about it.” he assures, pressing kisses to your forehead.

Bucky wraps his arms around you again, worry laces his heart. What had made you this upset?

Your eyes close, exhaustion seeping in, Bucky feels your breathing even out. He counts your heartbeats, then your breaths. After a few minutes, he gently shifts allowing the two of you to lay on the bed.

On instinct you reach out to him, he keeps you close. Thumb tracing your cheek wiping away the tear tracks. Maybe he could plan a date later today. It felt far too long that you and he went anywhere.

He watches the dawn turn into morning daylight, before sleep finds him. He falls asleep with his lips pressed to your forehead.

When you both wake up close to lunch time.

Neither of you bring up your crying spell.

Take out is delivered.

Clothes are changed, it’s after lunch when a show is playing in the background and Bucky returns from the kitchen with your cat ear mug filled and his own mug filled with coffee.

“I was thinking,” he sets his mug down as you sip from yours then look at him, “We should go out tonight, on a date.”

“A date?” you sound more surprised than you intend to, Bucky catches it but says nothing.

“Yes, well, we haven’t in a long time and I found a place where I can take you dancing with dinner.” He smiles showing his little dimple.

“Dancing, Mr. Barnes?” You raise a brow, a smile on your lips, “Alright, take me dancing.”

His smile turns brighter, a fist pump and a yes, have the house fill with laughter, Alpine meows.

“Yes, treats, yes.” Bucky chuckles heading towards her.

Hours later, smoothening your dress, Bucky admires you from the mirror.

“You look gorgeous, Kitten.” He winks at you, your cheeks heat.

“You’re looking dapper as well.” You compliment, Bucky’s lips part to say something and then his phone rings.

“I promise it's nothing.” he says taking the call, you try not to dampen your mood.

Slipping on your shoes, setting up Alpine’s auto feeder and the camera to keep an eye on her. Bucky meets you at the door helping you wear your jacket.

Taking his bike isn’t unusual, you’ve gotten used to it. Plus Bucky pressing the breaks and speeding just to feel your hold on him tighten makes you laugh. Just as you wait for him to take off his helmet his phone rings again.

“Take it…” You urge, hands tucked into your jacket pockets.

“Sit inside? I don’t want you getting cold.” He gives you an apologetic smile, the call is answered as you walk to the establishment, the interior is cosy, soft lighting and there is a dance floor in the middle but it isn’t a club-esque place. You smile already excited.

The hostess leads you to the table Bucky had reserved, she places the menus and two waters. You look towards the door, then to the menu. Ten minutes pass, the waiter looks at you hoping you would signal him.

You look at your phone texting Bucky.

You: Is everything okay?

You: Bucky where are you?

You: Do you want me to place the order? It would be here in a few minutes

At the twenty minute mark, you move across the now occupied dancefloor, outside Bucky is still on the phone, an argument going on with Sam.

“Sam, don’t be fucking reckless going in alone. We’ve been going over this.” Bucky glares at the ground, “No I can make it, nothing important is going on.”

You scoff, he looks up at you, then closes his eyes.

“I’ll call you back, give me half an hour.” He looks up at you from the phone.

“I didn’t mean it that way.” He says, you shake your head.

“No you meant it correctly. There isn’t anything important. There hasn’t been in the last few months. Do you know how many days you were home just last month?” You ask, waiting for a response.

“I–,”

“Ten. Not even together, I’m stringing together your hour based sporadic returns and giving you these ten days.”

“Kitten…”

“Please, just, save it, yesterday as well, you were supposed to be home for dinner as you promised on that five minute phone call.”

“The mission–,”

“Went on longer, thanks for telling me after the fact.”

“You knew what I did, I will have to go for missions, like tonight.”

“Thanks for telling me beforehand, how long is this one going to last? Answer me?” You step closer to him, “You want to know why I was crying?”

Bucky’s breath shudders, guessing your answer. You nod.

“I don’t feel prioritised anymore by you. Now I know a date with me is nothing important. I know you’re needed, you fight for keeping people safe and I am proud of you for doing that, I always will be, but Bucky this is the longest time we’ve spent together in the past months.” You wait for him to say something, do something.

He studies you for a few moments.

“I need to leave. I’m leaving you home.” He holds the helmet out towards you, you wear it.

The journey back seemingly shorter, he says nothing even as the door unlocks, heading to pack his duffle. You wait in the living room.

“We will discuss this once I come home.” he stands at the entrance of the living room. You look up from where you were playing with the hem of your dress. Nodding you walk towards him.

“I really am sorry I have made you feel this way. I know what I put you through is difficult as is, I wish I had realised on my own rather than pushing you to be this upset and feeling neglected. You are my priority, I know it doesn’t seem that way as I am leaving again, but I’m going to improve and show you just how much you mean to me.” He steps closer, his adam's apple bobs as he swallows.

You stand on your tiptoes, kissing his cheek.

“Take care of yourself for me.” You request as you always did, “You come back and we’ll talk about this…”

He nods, his chest tightening as he turns to the door, you follow behind him, Alpine curled near your feet as you both watch him leave.

Bucky texts you when he reaches the compound. You just read the message, curled up on the sofa under the blanket with your tub of ‘soothe the heartache’ ice cream, even your favourite show doesn’t prove to be the salve to the wounds you didn’t realise had formed upon your heart.

Bucky fairs no better staring at the mission docket blankly, he requests FRIDAY to provide him with his off time list in the past months, you were right. He had hardly been home. Extended missions, new missions right after primary ones ended.

The group pauses when Bucky stands dismissing the hologram.

“I’m not going.” he announces.

“What?” Sam questions, “You were just on my ass about going in alone.”

“That was before, priorities change.” He glares at Sam, “Also we have an entire team here.” he points at the fellow avengers.

Sam looks around and back at Bucky, “Alright.”

“Good, now if there is an emergency then let me know.” Bucky pushes the docket to the centre of the table, grabbing the duffle he heads to the parking lot of the tower. He had to work towards his relationship with you. Missions would come and go. You are his constant, his future.

The incessant knocking on the door has you pause, Alpine looks up at you from her perch near the window. The wood rattles again at the louder knocks. Tiptoeing your way to the peephole you do not recognise the people.

The man standing in front turns, you cover your mouth to prevent the gasp. The logo on his jacket chills your bones. You pad across the room, grasping Alpine and heading to your bedroom, placing her in the carrier Tony had come up with, you grasp the little clip on her collar shoving it into your pocket.

Her meows are frantic and her claws rake across the carrier wanting to be let out,

“Alpine no, be quiet.” The search for your phone takes you back out to the living room, you stay close to the ground crawling.

When you reach the living room, dread fills the entire house. Your hair is yanked upon strands tearing making you cry out.

“Where were you hiding, hm?” The man chuckles, lifting you up causing more strain on your hair roots, “Where is Soldat? Leaving you all alone?”

You don’t answer, legs kicking around as you’re lifted upwards. Your hands move to his, there is a sting across your cheek before you roll across the floor, your back meeting the table.

“Check the apartment.” The same man looms over you, his foot on your palm, pain blooms with another cry from your lips.

All the defence moves Bucky taught you, yet none seemingly making their way to your body and mind.

“Nothing, only their cat’s in the cage.” Another voice adds.

You grab the man’s ankle, trying to dig your nails into his flesh. It only makes him laugh.

“Put Soldat’s little kitten in a cage as well. She will help us revive him.”

You’re ripped from the man easily, the pain of your palm now dull. The man has you kneel right in front of the camera set up for Alpine.

“Go on, ask Soldat to come find you.” Cold metal kisses your temple. You stare into the camera. The blazing tears now manifest.

“Bucky, don’t try—,” Your hair is tugged back harshly, “Bucky!” You cry out for him.

“That is not right, call out to Soldat. Not Bucky.”

“No.” You seeth trying to twist away you manage to kick his leg he falls but before you can reach for the exit hatch where you placed Alpine.

You fall forward, crashing into the glass cabinet. It shatters and you feel yourself dragged by your foot where the man caught you.

Screaming, crying for help, you kick at his hand. It only angers him. Only Alpine’s distressed meows are your reply.

“Call to Soldat.” The sting of his palm causes a ringing in your ears.

“He isn’t your pawn anymore, you fucking asshole!” You yell, trying to get away yet again.

“Listen you little fucking bitch. You’re testing my fucking patience. Take her.” He backhands you again, the metallic taste on your tongue.

You thrash still in the next pair of arms, “Don’t fucking touch Alpine!”

“Shut up.” The former man, with a scar across his jaw yells, he places a muzzle on your mouth muffling your screams as you’re dragged out.

“We care scarcely for pets. You are the prize. You’re going to bring Soldat back to us.”

They don’t head towards the elevators, instead taking the stairs to the roof, a jet waits and you try with all your might to prevent them from taking you.

Yet you’re shoved between the men, the woman on the pilot seat looks back at you once then begins the pre-flight process.

You close your eyes as the restraints dig into your arms, twisting them back. Hoping Bucky or the team gets the distress signal from Alpine’s carrier that you activated.

A sinking feeling latches onto your stomach, what if he’s already long gone on the mission? In a way you were happy. He would not be captured by these assholes.

Tears anew gather along your eyes, pooling over the muzzle, lining it with salt instead of iron as it might have memorised.

The man speaks with others in annoyance, then you feel a pinch along your shoulder.

Slowly everything fades away.

When Bucky sits on his bike, all hell breaks loose. The alert system rings, his phone alert chimes and Sam runs out from the elevators.

“Bucky!” He calls out, but it sounds distant as Bucky reads the notification of the distress call from Alpine’s carrier. He had taught you how to use it and what situations would call for its usage.

Bucky can feel the adrenaline ripping through his blood, heading to every muscle with each cracked beating of his heart.

“Go, go, I’m right above.” Sam urges, red wing to follow Bucky as he drives off. Sam moves swiftly, suiting up and moving through the sky.

“The security has been tampered with at your building.” Sam speaks through the comms, Bucky doesn’t reply. He needs to make sure you’re okay, the calls to you go unanswered. He blinks back the tears, he should have stayed. He should have fucking stayed.

“Satellite footage shows a smaller quinjet landing on the roof. I’m trying to locate it.” Sam knows it isn’t of any use distracting Bucky but he knows this information may help put into perspective.

He should have stayed.

Bike haphazardly parked he rushes through the glass doors, this was supposed to be hidden away. Blue eyes trace the steps he had carried you through, soaking in the rain or blooming through the first spring, hot chocolates in hand during the snowy winter.

Memories of laughter in the hallway, why was his mind his worst enemy? The door is open, he can tell by the faint scent of those candles you love permeating through the hallway.

He should have stayed.

Alpine’s meows gives him hope, it sinks the second he assesses the damage in the living room. He heads on over to the carrier kept near the hidden exit hatch he had shown you.

Alpine paws at the cage, meowing louder as she recognizes Bucky, he opens it, she launches herself at him, he holds her unable to control the tears that soak her fur.

“You’re okay, I’ve got you, I’ve got you.”

As his vibranium fingers run over her fur he notices her bell isn’t sounding the same. Checking the collar he realises you took the pin that contained her tracker.

Oh he could kiss you. He will when he finds you.

“Sam?” Bucky stands holding his fur baby. Shielding her from the living room and walking out of the apartment. He was going to move you both to a better, secure location.

“What do you need?”

Bucky explains what you did, Sam smiles at your quick thinking. Bucky meets him on the roof. Red Wing loads the tracker information.

The moments are tense as it loads. Bucky only feels the knot tighten when he realises the course is set for Russia.

“We head back to the compound and you will need help.” Sam places a hand on his shoulder.

“I need to save her, Sam, I have to fix things. I promised her.” He stares at his friend, Alpine struggles in his hold.

Sam nods, “You will, now come on. Let's take care of her first, I know Y/N will be worried about Alpine more than herself.”

“Call out to Soldat.”

“No.”

Another hit, you close your eyes. Biting down on your tongue to stop the sound of distress.

“You’re testing my patience girl.”

You stay silent, the red light on the camera mocks you.

Give in.

It repeats.

You shake your head.

“We know the triggers don’t work.” The same man with the scar on his face tells you.

“We want to approach this differently.” He walks around you, pausing behind you.

“He was always an emotional fool when he would begin to remember. Right before we put him in that chair.” The light flickers on in the corner, Bucky’s memories come crashing down as you recall his ordeal spoken to you over his own tears.

“Should we give you a taste?” The man laughs, “You would beg for death. You would do anything I say for death.”

The ropes keep you in place, you’re hunched over. Silently letting the tears flow. How are you finding the strength to not cry out in pain, you don’t understand.

“Now call out to Soldat.” Your head is lifted to face upwards. The fucking red light mocks you, catching your moment of weakness.

“Bucky, it's them, they, they want you to lose your progress, don’t, don’t let it—,” Another slap cuts you off. You bite your tongue not willing to let any sound of distress make it to the video. You stare at the wet patch on the rough ground.

“Do you not understand? I said,”

Harshly the man grabs your jaw, squeezing till your lips form a pout, your head turned to face the camera.

“Call,”

His foot presses on your own leg,

“Soldat.”

You weakly shake your head, glaring at the man.

“You little bitch.”

Your head hits the ground as the chair topples over, your pained whimper makes the man smile.

“Soldat, we have your precious kitten, ah, yes we have been watching for a while. How you’ve been leaving her alone for more and more time.” The man chuckles, as you’re lifted to be righted by his subordinates,

“Poor thing had cooked for you, all that food left in the refrigerator. Now, you come to us alone, we exchange you for her.” He towers over you,

“She doesn’t scream for you Soldat, seems you have chosen a strong one for yourself. I’ll enjoy breaking her. Then she will sing for you.” He assures, you don’t look at him, staring at the ground instead.

The silence is deafening, roaring in your ears as they leave you alone for minutes or hours on end. The red dot in the corner indicating the camera isn’t there anymore, they got what they needed.

You will yourself not to cry, one motive was them exploiting you and your pain to bring out Soldat.

Bucky had confided in you about his past.

The dark embers that surrounded his mind. The night he spoke about the words and their consequences with a rasp you had sobbed in his arms.

Cradling him. Your arms ache in remembrance of Bucky. Your mind taking you to the first time cuddling with him, pressed against him on the cold day.

You couldn't allow them to take away his progress, to weaponize them again. You were hardly an enhanced being, just a civilian. A civilian who is endangering the man she loves.

Metal clangs, the ties to the chair are unravelled. Only footsteps echo when you’re dragged into the outer hallway, flickering lights make you wince. Keeping your gaze on the floor. The throbbing in your head dulls in the slightest.

When you’re pushed into the room on your knees, hands shackled above you. The people leave the room. Looking around there isn’t much, it’s cleaner and tilted a section to the side has a wide bed, another seems to harbour a two way glass.

You stare at your own reflection, red lines your forehead and temple. Splotches across your cheeks and arms. The full sleeved shirt you were wearing is in tatters.

The man enters, a scowl on his face. It tugs on his scar. His footsteps feel like pinpricks on your skin.

“Check her.” He orders the subordinate who steps closer to you. Her hair was cropped, she kneels her hands pat along your arms moving downward. You shift uncomfortably then her hands move to your pockets.

You feel her reach for the clip. You bite your tongue. Closing your eyes. The slap doesn’t sting this time, your bruised cheeks throb in numbing pain.

“Tracker.” She places the clip into the palm of the man’s hand.

“Hmm, it appears you have led Soldat right to us. He was to head to his old stomping grounds following our jet. Your smartness has led him right into our hold.” He grins, your heart sinks.

“Yes, you should feel guilty. However, you should feel pride. You will be the catalyst to return the fist of HYDRA.” His laugh echoes even after he leaves.

Your stomach cramps, not understanding how many hours has it been.

Your mind drifts to Bucky, guilt latches around you.

You should have kept quiet, what if he got hurt?

What if no one found Alpine?

What if you put him in more danger?

Tracing your location had been easy due to the tracker. However, HYDRA had been smart, constantly moving you. The cat and mouse game they were playing with him.

The video came in after three hours, your eyes glazed over filling Bucky’s with rage at the way they kept hurting you. Forcing you to call out to The Winter Soldier.

The video from Alpine’s camera had burned itself into his memory. He swore to cause all of them pain. Each one that hurt you.

Sam watches him through the video feed, the quinjet on the last leg of the journey.

“I need to ask you, not because I don’t trust you, but I am worried.”

Bucky turns away from the video, he was going to rip the man apart. Piece by fucking piece.

“I already told you, they won’t be able to trigger—,”

“You told me once, you feared he was still somewhere inside, waiting.” Sam cuts him off.

“Sam, I do know what I told you, I, I don’t want it to come down to that. But if it is the only way to protect her? Then I do not care, I’m giving myself up for her even if I have to pretend to be him.” Bucky looks back at the paused screen, on your features, he clenches his fists. The embers in his mind rattle, the part of him tucked away already trying to break free.

“And if he takes over? What will prevent her from getting hurt?” Sam didn’t want to think this could happen, but he had to have Bucky pause and run through the consequences.

The blue eyed man stays quiet, “I’d never let anything harm her, I’ve failed spectacularly but I plan to not let it happen ever again, from my own hands to anyone else’s.”

Sam nods, the jet lands on the outskirts. It doesn’t sit right letting Bucky go in alone. They couldn’t afford anything to happen to you. Stocking the jet with supplies, safe houses and trackers planted.

Bucky loads his weapons, heading out towards you. He jogs through the perimeter. Silently taking down the guards walking along. He pulls the bodies into the surrounding forest.

They don’t get a chance to touch him, not landing even a nick to his skin. Bucky traces the easiest exit path from his breach point back to the jet.

Breaching the facility walls and building, with each body on the floor it hardly satiates the anger within him. The room you were kept in was familiar. All facilities mimicked the same patterns. Same layout.

The room is empty, he traverses down the hallway when he hears your pained whimper. He doesn’t care if it is a trap.

“Y/N.” He whispers, limbs picking up pace, he kicks down the door, the room is empty. Save for the glass that shows him you, kneeling on the floor. Arms extended behind you in shackles.

His vibranium fist collides with the glass.

The man grins.

“Oh look, Soldat is here.” He announces.

You look up, glass trembles as his fist lands upon it.

“Bucky.” You say loudly still unable to see him.

The punching becomes frantic, Bucky looks around the room, then at the corner of the glass frame.

“Call out to Soldat.”

“Bucky!” You cry out as the hit lands to your side.

“Don’t you fucking touch her!” He roars, hitting harder.

“Soldat.” The man seethes again. You don’t understand why your resolve to not cry or sob is breaking. Your eyes move towards the glass again. It shakes.

A crack forming at the bottom left, then right.

You cry out when your hair is pulled upon, “Bucky—,”

“Kitten!” He calls out, another hit to the top left corner, the satisfying crack pushes him forward. Using the table as leverage, he moves back holding it up.

The light flickers, your gaze finds Bucky moving back with the table, “Bucky.” You rasp finally seeing him. The weight on your chest shifts, tiny spikes of guilt press into your heart.

“Soldat, pay attention.” The voice cuts through his movements.

Bucky looks out the glass, the barrel of a gun is held against your temple.

“One more move and she doesn’t get to even reunite with you.” You whimper when the gun presses harder into your skin. The metal is warm as though recently used.

Bucky sets the table down, “Give her to me.” His voice is cold, the anger simmering through his veins.

“Now, now, ask her to call to Soldat.” The man tuts, “She seems hell bent on not wanting to help us. Help you in fact. You were at your greatest with us. It is your destiny to be HYDRA’s pawn to greatness.”

Bucky looks at you, even in a tight grip he knows defiance is on your tongue. You weren’t going to allow him to be subjected to those horrible times again.

He takes note of your visible injuries, the way your breathing is shallow he knows you’ve landed injuries to your chest too.

“She won’t because your precious Soldat is gone.” Bucky looks back at the man.

“Now I find that hard to believe.” The man hauls you up, your unsteady footing makes you stumble, Bucky moves forward, then there is a click.

“You remember this scent I presume? Locking down your body but keeps you conscious.” The man chuckles.

Bucky turns to the door, but the gas permeates through him his hand stays half raised, your hands slam on the glass as he falls to his knees.

“Bucky!” You cry out.

“Say it.” Bucky rasps coughing against the irritant fumes.

“No, Bucky I—,”

“Do it, don’t argue.” Blue eyes blazing, you gaze at him, tears stream down your face as the men filter into the room.

“S-Soldat.” You say as they pick him up, grabbing his head by his hair making him look at you.

“Louder, he needs to hear you.” The man taunts as the six men hold him up. Bucky’s eyes are trained on you. He wants to apologise for putting you through this, for hurting you, for not prioritising you. His throat is locked, the gas was enough for them to read the words to him, so he knows he has time.

“Soldat, please— Bucky.” Your voice breaks into a sob before your head is slammed against the glass. Bucky’s eyes shift to the man, he’d be creative in hurting this man. He’d make it hurt.

“You can’t do anything right can you?” The man taunts.

Another harsh tug and slam. Your vision blurs, “Soldat.” You cry out, “Soldat please, just,” your palms rest on the glass, eyes on Bucky as he blurs into smears of colour.

Bucky closes his eyes, your calls to the Soldat echoing around his mind. It isn’t dark embers that begin to shroud over him. There is red hot anger. A growl rumbles in his chest. His breathing is heavier.

Blinking away the tears, you feel the last of your resolve crumble when they press the barrel of a gun to his temple. His eyes are closed, you can’t see him like this, you need him to look at you.

“I need you, Soldat, help, please.” You begin to weep, your own eyes closed now, pressed against the glass, “Soldat, please, s-save, Sol-Soldat.”

The man drags you back to where the shackles were, and lets you go. You fall to the floor not able to hold yourself. Curling against the wall.

The men holding Bucky’s arms are pushed down by him, his hands on either of their necks. The two slump over in his grasp. He stares at the ground ahead. Turning he reaches for his guns before finishing them off.

The remaining four begin to scramble but Soldat doesn’t let them get away. Recognition of the ones who hurt you in your home and in the video. He makes sure their screams reach you in the room across.

They plead, beg, fight, all of it futile.

They lay on the ground.

He picks up the discarded table. The two way glass shatters, the man with scar on his face stumbles back towards you.

You look at Bucky leaping over the shattered glass, boots crunching the scattered pieces.

Your heart shatters like those pieces. You did this to him.

“I’m so sorry.” You whisper, his gaze shifts to you. You sniffle, he makes his way over. Needing to protect you. He had to save you.

More men and women pour in from the broken doorway. The woman who found your clip raises her gun and shoots; the bullet ricochets off of his vibranium palm.

He moves swiftly, the movements natural to him. In a moment he has her on the ground moving to the next soldier. Gunmetal permeates the room, you watch as the cavalry trickles in, Soldat’s movements gain agility.

None of them a match for him, he keeps them away from you. One attacks him with a knife, he catches it turning it around and pressing it into his attacker.

His breathing is hard as he remains standing, you stare at him. He moves in and out of focus as he turns. Locking his eyes on you. The soldiers think his gaze on you is his distraction but it is his fuel. His sustenance. His revenge on them.

“Soldat, welcome back, Hail HYDRA.” The scarred man gleams.

Bucky pauses, turning to the man, he stands at ease as a soldier, hands folded behind his back. The smile of the man widens, you feel a fresh wave of tears.

“Would you like to keep her Soldat?” The man questions, “Isn’t anything special, but you may need something to blow off steam. We could even share—,”

“Kotenok (kitten).” His voice has a deeper timbre, eyes on you. You stare at the ground.

“You call her Kitten?” The man raises a brow, “You recognise her?”

This gives you hope, for what you don’t know. If even as Soldat he calls you by the endearment that only the two of you know the reason it fills you with hope.

“Kotenok.” He calls out again, when you look up at him, you don’t feel unease, “Close your eyes.”

You nod, turning away.

Soldat turns to the man again, lips stretched into a snarl. He lunges for the man, two bullets in his legs and the man cries out.

You curl further against the wall, his screams are hoarse, the crunching of bones should make you shudder but a fucked up part of you wants to celebrate as Bucky hurts the man as much as you’ve been hurt.

Soldat doesn’t stop, he lets the man think he has a chance at living. The rage drives him. He never knew he could decide who to harm, your voice calling for him, needing him. Awoke him from a slumber he knew he had to return back toward.

He didn’t need a finality moment to recognise you, it was in his being.

Who you are, what you mean to him.

Every part of him recognised you.

Knew you.

Knows you.

Protects you.

Loves you.

“We’ll get you Soldat.” The man warns in Russian, coughing up blood. Soldat drags him over the shattered glass.

“You won’t.” Soldat assures speaking the same tongue, “This is a warning, the last one. If you try to touch my Kotenok again, or even think of it. Any one little measly one of you, you have to go through me. It won’t end well. You trained me for this didn’t you? You will reap the consequences.”

His metal arm delivers the final blow. He stands making his way over to you. Kneeling, he checks on the surroundings, more people hadn’t come in, the facility was big but not too much man power. He had secured the perimeter.

“Kotenok.” He whispers, you turn, “Open your eyes.”

You follow his instructions, the first thing you see is his chest. You keep your eyes steady, you follow the movement of his breathing, trailing up to his neck then chin, jaw, lips, nose, eyes. You breathe.

“I’m sorry.” The words tumble out.

“You did nothing wrong. I am sorry.” He assures, flesh hand coming to touch your cheek with such tenderness, you lean into his palm.

“I feel safe with you.” You tell him, needing him to know this side of him does not scare you away.

“Kotenok.” He says as though he doesn’t believe your words.

“I do.” You shift to raise your hands to hug him and then wince as the pain manifests across your body.

“Don’t move, I’ll carry you out.” He says hands moving under your knees and around your back.

Without effort you’re lifted, you tuck your face against his chest not wanting to see the place. You feel the ghost of his lips along your crown. It’s so featherlite you think you made it up.

“You can open your eyes, Kotenok, we’re outside.” It’s dark out, you wonder how long it has been? The facility had no clock and they never told you anything beyond ordering you to be a catalyst.

“Is Alpine okay?” You feel bad for not asking till now, he nods.

“With Sam, the vet checked her, she’s healthy.” Something inside him warms, he holds you closer.

“Okay, that is, that's good.”

Soldat’s jog slows down as the quinjet nears. He asks you to slip in the comm into his ear from the upper flap in his jacket. .

“Bucky? Are you both okay?” Sam’s voice comes through.

“She’s hurt. Need the medical supplies.” His replies are curt.

“What about you?” Sam questions, having the quinjet open, he carries you up right to the first aid area.

Soldat keeps quiet, working on retrieving the first aid boxes, this felt different than before. It wasn’t just him in the forefront with everything else static, until one day his mission turned into his long lost best friend.

It's almost as if Bucky isn’t tucked away but present, just lingering.

“Bucky?” Sam questions again,

“Put the flight path to a safe house, I’ll be radio silent for twenty five minutes.” He says placing the comm back into the pocket.

“Kotenok.” He says you look up at him, the plinth wasn't uncomfortable but you felt better upright.

“Hey.” You greet, “You feeling okay? Are you hurt?”

“Still Soldat, no but I should be.” He says, lips curling in disgust at himself, as he reaches for the scissors taking in the blood coating your clothes.

“You’re still you, I’m glad you aren’t hurt.” You press, he looks down at you.

Nothing further is said, he uses the gauze and saline to wipe away the dried blood and wash the cuts on your forehead and face.

You realise lifting your hands is painful. He has the scissors and cuts through the material. His inhale is sharp as your skin is exposed.

Bruises litter your skin, “I went too easy on him.”

The scissors break in his vibranium arm.

“Bucky.” You swallow, “This is not your fault.”

“It is! He should not have left you alone and vulnerable, weeks on end!” He looks at you.

“They would have attacked and used me against you even if you were there all the time. That was their plan. I shouldn’t have argued with you right before a mission.”

“He could have protected you.”

“And he did. As did you.” You don’t want him to harbour guilt, you know this isn’t a conversation to be had when he’s not feeling like himself. While he’s vulnerable. You don’t know how to navigate this, you don’t know what he needs, it makes you feel helpless.

He says nothing, soaking more gauze to clean the blood from the cut on your side. You shiver at the cold sensation of the antiseptic.

You recognise his duffle bag as he pulls out a long sleeve black henley of his, helping you wear it, along with a pair of your leggings and shoes.

He inspects your lower limbs, small scrapes on the knees and nothing more. Carefully he makes you wear the clothes, easing them on you without triggering the pain.

The scent of the antiseptic mixes with the lingering cologne on his henley. You sigh at the small comfort. He watches your thumb tracing over the sleeves that are longer on you.

“Do you want to keep laying down?” He reaches forward when your face contorts into pain.

“I’d rather keep sitting.” You murmur, “Do, do you have water?”

He nods, moving to the other side and bringing you a bottle, gingerly holding it up to your lips as you drink small sips. He moves his vibranium hand to the back of your head holding you tenderly, fingertips softly tracing over your scalp.

Your eyes fall half mast, the gesture always comforting when Bucky did it, having you pressed against him, protected in his embrace. When he feels your head push into his hand the bottle is removed.

The stray drop of water wiped away by his flesh hand.

“Bucky,” your breath warm over his digit.

“Not him.” He corrects you, thumb tracing over your bottom lip.

“Do you want me to call you ‘Soldat’?” You wonder, trying to search his eyes for an answer as they trace your lips.

“No.” His lips press into a thin line.

The hum is of the quinjet, filling in the silence. You keep your breaths even, deeper ones trickle into pain. Exhaustion lingers in the periphery slowly gaining momentum as the adrenaline retreats. The aches now front and centre but you fight it all, begging yourself to stay awake for him.

“Call me yours, Kotenok.” Your eyes shift to his, there is a nervousness that is palpable within him. The Soldat never deemed himself worthy, he knew you didn’t blame his counterpart for the crimes that drench his palms in red.

You grasp his wrists gently, “You are mine, every part of you, every facet of you. Even the pieces of you that you think are too broken for me, too jagged, that it may hurt me, even the pieces of you that you deem pristine. That you think are worthy. You are mine.”

He closes his eyes, head dipping forward touching his forehead to yours, “You told him once, what he did was not him.” He whispers, “How will you tell me that it wasn’t me? When you know the hands you hold are guilty?”

“You did not do it out of your own accord, you were manipulated and forced.” You keep your eyes closed, the sickening image of the chair comes to life, “That man, he showed me the chair.”

He stiffens, “Did they—,”

“He threatened to, but he didn’t. They took away your free will.” You press a gentle kiss to his palms.

“What if, what if I told you some days I did it just to avoid the punishments? That I willingly shed blood.”

“You tried to protect yourself. They pushed you to it, I know you never wanted to hurt anyone, I know you wouldn’t do it without reason. You’ve suffered enough. It will take time to heal, I know. I don’t expect this conversation to make things okay in a giffy.” You open your eyes, his still closed, gently you press your lips to above his cupid’s bow.

His face contorts, red spreading along his cheeks as he tries to stop the tears. Eyes screwed shut tighter.

“It took too long for me to answer your call, Kotenok.”

“It’s okay. You have me, it’s okay. Let it out baby.” You assure him, “You answered my call. You rescued me. You took care of my wounds. You are taking care of me.”

He shifts, very careful of your injuries, nuzzled into the crook of your neck. He holds you, not letting you wrap your arms around him. You grasp onto his leather jacket. Then snake your palm towards his scalp knowing it soothes him when you run your fingers through his hair.

Tears coat his henley that you wear, your own eyes brim with your own tears. He cries, the sobs making his shoulders shake. You pull him closer when he tries to shift away to prevent jostling you.

“Stay.” You meant for the word to sound reassuring but the way it breaks on your tongue, giving away your own selfish need to have him close, “Please, stay. I’m here for you.”

Time trickles on by, his sobs turn softer, then breathing evened out. You keep running your fingers through his hair and along the nape of his neck. You press your face against his chest.

“I’m sorry I made you feel neglected.” His voice is softer, the slight hint of his accent gone, “I, I can’t believe I let you get hurt. Don’t, don’t try to make me feel better by excusing it onto them.”

“Bucky—,”

“I don’t want to hear it, Kitten. Blame me. Scream at me. Be angry with me.” He places a chaste kiss on your neck, “Tell me off, they hurt my kitten so badly.” His arms move gently over your back and then sides.

“They hurt me.” You try to reason.

“Because of me. Because they want him. If I was around I would have caught on.” He argues.

“Bucky—, just, why were you taking so many missions?” You ask, if this is how you would get him to stop trying to blame himself so be it.

He shifts, creating distance to look at you, eyes falling to the bruise. His lips purse as his thumb traces over your cheekbone. Reliving the way you were hurt in front of him.

“I, I began to feel the guilt again. Nightmares started intermittently. I thought that if I did more good, I could outweigh the bad.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Your hands rest on your thighs, the wave of dizziness hits you then, your eyes remain downcast. Bucky blurs in and out of view with black spots.

“I thought I could handle it better, I didn’t realise I’d ended up pushing the actual good in my life so far away. You’re so important to me. I fucked up, I’m so utterly sorry.” He grasps your chin making you look up at him.

You close your eyes, Bucky sighs when he doesn’t get to see your pretty eyes. The ones he would find first thing in the morning to be the last sight of beauty before he slept.

“I’m sorry.” He rests his forehead to yours again.

“Please don’t put me through that again, making me feel like I don’t matter.” You request.

“I’m never going to make you feel that way again, Kitten. I promise.” He opens his eyes, breath caught when they find yours looking right at him.

The quinjet lands, bringing on another wave of nausea and pain. Bucky holds you close, jogging the distance to the safe house. Carrying you across the threshold and locating the room, he places you on the bed.

The safe house has a lingering scent of pine and vanilla, the thought makes you laugh that it isn’t what you expected. Maybe hidden weapons and not as though a scented candle store.

Bucky sets the bags down next to the bed. With precise movements he goes through the house, gathering more medical supplies as he makes sure the location is safe. He connects to the communications system and updates Sam in writing instead of a call.

Although it seemed as if Sam knew what may have occurred. The HYDRA base was left finished by him, void of any manpower.

Sam sends in an update that the base is no longer standing. The intel was collected from devices they could garner.

The tucked away part of him smiles, it worries Bucky how there isn’t a barrier anymore between Soldat and him. The way Soldat defended you, took care of you. He knows your safety isn’t something he should be worried about.

“Bucky?” You rasp, he strides to the room.

“Kitten?” He tucks a strand of your hair back.

“Come lay down?” You request, he nods.

“Let me change out of these clothes.”

He walks to the ensuite clean clothes in hand, Bucky notices the way your fingers clutch the sheets as he’s about to close the door.

“I was thinking,” He leaves the door open, taking off his clothes. Your hands relax seeing him.

“Yeah?”

“It’s Alpine’s birthday next weekend, we should host a party, get her a party hat. Blue with frills?”

You stare at him for a moment, “You want to get Alpine a party hat?”

“Yeah.” He grins, taking off his pants.

“Okay for a minute I thought this concussion is making me imagine a white fluffy cat in a party hat.” You try not to giggle but the sound escapes you, making Bucky laugh.

The crinkles by his eyes gaining prominence, you want to reach for him.

“It would be cute.” He defends.

“She’s going to gauge our eyes out.” You chuckle.

“Nah we’ll get her nails clipped so she can’t.” He teases, putting on his shirt and making his way to bed.

As he settles in next to you, you shift despite his protest to have you lay to not aggravate any injuries. You shoot him a glare.

“Alright, alright.” He raises his palms facing you in defence, wrapping them around you when you cuddle against his chest.

You feel his steady heartbeat, the gradual rise and fall of his chest. The heavier dosed painkillers work wonderfully but the exhaustion pulls at you.

“I want to stay awake.” You whisper.

“I’ll be right here when you wake up.” Bucky presses a kiss to your forehead in promise.

“I’ve missed you.”

He stays quiet in the wake of your admission, “I’m sorry I made you miss me this much.”

“I meant what I said, about loving every part of you.” You remind him. The exhaustion lingers in and out.

Bucky presses his lips to your forehead again, Soldat shifts forward for a moment, fingers moving as he gently tilts your head back to meet your eyes, “Thank you for trusting me, Kotenok.”

His lips brush against yours, more hesitant, you shift closer.

The kiss is soft, Soldat learning the way your lips taste. He pulls away, taking you in for a moment, his muscles relax but not completely.

“I don’t know how to keep him tucked away again.” Bucky admits, “I knew he was there…”

“I’m sorry–,”

“Please don’t apologise, I’d rather have you being the one calling out to him rather than anyone else.” His thumb moves over your cheek.

“I won’t apologise if you don’t apologise about me getting hurt. I’m not talking about you taking missions, I’m talking about blaming yourself for what happened at the base.”

Bucky sighs, breath fanning across your lips, he contemplates your words. Mind reflecting on everything that happened.

“You have yourself a deal.” He says, you smile.

“Now about you being an idiot of a boyfriend. After we wake up you can grovel.” You poke his cheek, Bucky laughs.

“Alright, kitten. I’ll get on my knees too.” He teases admiring your smile then wraps the blanket better around the two of you. Your eyes slowly flutter close.

Bucky stares at the ceiling. Soldat allows himself to feel you in his arms.

Bucky closes his eyes, joining you in slumber.

bucky permanent tags: @slutforsexyseabass

permanent tags: @stevesmewmew @pandaxnienke

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