timdanielsblog

[timdanielsblog]

I'm feeling proud and grateful for the following:

- completed a tough miniquiz for psychology on Sunday night. The software I needed to use wouldn't download so I had to hack some formula together in Google sheets. Got it done!

- spent the rainy afternoon in the uni library today, taking the afternoo off. I had some books in my big chair but ended up writing heaps of thoughts down instead. It felt very cathartic. It felt like a good self care afternoon :)

- tried to work out if I can add a second major to my degree and still graduate in 2024. It's possible?? But there are some downsides. I'm pretty keen on doing informatics because I'm interested in programming and that sort of thing. But it's something to both weigh up and figure out later. Good to look ahead though!

- making peace with being a uni student. So many of my peers/reference group are in such other places in life, it really makes me feel behind. I still want to go backpacking, finish my degree, do post-grad, practice music and do live gigs, try stand up comedy, write (to be published ah!), etc. It feels like so many of my dreams are like that of an early 20s person, but I'm in my early 30s! It's really hard to manage - psychologically tbh. And so much of this comparison comes from a place I'd rather talk to a counselor with rather than the public internet. Still. It's nice to vent. But I'm making peace with where I'm at. And tbh part of that making peace is writing this blog 🤠

- had a flat inspection recently, it went very well!! We did so much tidying as a flat, I'm so proud!

- cooked!! I cooked so much food on Sunday. Lots of 'prepped meals' for the week ahead 🤠 and can I just say, it's so so much more relaxing and easier to cook when I'm cooking without time pressure or with somebody else. I do like cooking with others, but I'm not good enough at cooking and often let people down. So just taking my time and going at a pace that suits me gives me the space to actually cook properly and learn. After all, you can't grow if you aren't given the space and time to 💪😎

- making peace, I know I've used this term already, but making peace with my dreams and allowing them to seep into my actual life. For example, I've always wanted to write a casual blog about being a uni student. Part of this is to validate my experience, even if just for me. Because I've lived in so much pain and guilt over not being good enough for so, so many years. Just to come out and say "this is where I am in life, and that's ok, and I'm allowed to grow and flourish. And I don't have to be where people expect me to be, because they don't know my life or what I've been through." This is huge. This is enough.

- read through my private messages on facebook for birthday wishes. It took me about a week to build up the courage to read them because I often feel like I don't deserve any good wishes. I'm pretty sure this stems from a lot of personal stuff I've been through but I'm proud of myself for fighting through it, being courageous and reading them. I am allowed to have birthday wishes and I am allowed to enjoy and appreciate the friendship of my friends. Again, this is huge to state (much less believe!)

Anyway it's 2:12am and I have to get up early to walk to work tomorrow. Much aroha and love future Tim. I'm sure you will read this one day and maybe cringe a little. You are who I have been grown beyond. Night night.

Mood: making peace. 😑

Music: fazerdaze - the sleep song. 😴