tinsirwd

[tinsirwd]

Good heavens, we are the worst.

So among the general grasping at straws that comprises our opponents’ attempts to trash talk us are a few recurring head-scratching complaints. Here was a narrative version of the dialogue I wrote a while ago, featuring special guest The Lord Our God; we’ve had it with most of the large opposing teams in the game:

Them: We are going to teach these little PUNKS a lesson. (they die) Them: Well that was weird, surely this can’t happen again. (it happens again) Them: It must be because of their bots! Notification bots! Trap bots, which definitely exist! Us: Actually, we are just a better team. Them: But the bots!

(they get bots)

Us: Beep beep. (continues killing them on their home turf and on ours, at the same ratios) Them: You must be cheating! Invincible dragons, not that I can ever find evidence or even name a single player using them! Us: Actually, we are just a better team. Them: Okay yeah I wasn’t really going anywhere with that one. But what about the bots! Us: You have bots, though? And we’re mostly the attacker when we fight? Have you considered that we might be a better team? Them: It must be Dread! They must be Dread’s meat shields! Us: Dread has more defensive prims on our castles (1, I think?) than we have on theirs, though. Them: AHA! Dread is their meatshields! Us: A loaded allied taunter can sleep for four weeks on an AnD castle, with a golden vessel balanced on her head, and not be bothered. Them: What? Us: It’s a reference to the Pax Mongolica, you illiterate schmuck. Anyway, why do we still beat you when Dread isn’t there? Seems weird, like maybe we’re a better team. Them: It’s got to be the bots! A Burning Bush (exasperated): yo. Them: Who are you? Bush: I AM who I AM. Them: You aren’t even in D1! Bush: Yeah. Anyway, AnD is better than you, hope this helps! (douses) Them: So it’s definitely the bots?

A roundup of the latest BS:  1) “YOU HIDE BEHIND OTHER TEAMS' TAUNTERS” I think I just cannot relate to anyone who looks at the single 5TA prim on one of our 33 castles and thinks, "my stars, I simply cannot fucking overcome the imbalance this brings."  I do realize that most teams collectively get dizzy at the mere prospect of facing the same proposition that AnD has dealt with every time we hit nearly any of our targets from the past two  years, viz. having to kill a base that is much bigger than anyone on your team. But because I have been doing that for over two years, my answer is either man up and take a swing at Allure, like we would, or be honest for a single second about the reason you aren't hitting us. There's a taunter as large as Allure's sitting on most exposed BTK castles, and we've hit it for fun since we were rank 180. The rank 1 team was covered in 620+ taunters 10 months ago, when we fought them as a rank 60 team, and the thing is, it didn’t stop us at all. Said team could and did hit us through passage at 10 locations, and again, lost overall and lost nearly every engagement. We did all this before we joined Dominus. The only common denominator of our successes is us. The bizarre part of this is that we get these complaints from such paragons of fortitude as the RR 5TA. On one hand I guess it’s progress, because it means they stopped running long enough to bang out a message, but on the other hand, really? Hiding behind 7 rank 700 teams is better than having one 5TA taunter on your castle? 2) YOU USE 20 TEAMS TO ATTACK! 30 TEAMS! MAYBE 40!  For the first ~15 T5s we took, we overwhelmingly used only our 5TA. If it helps, we are completely capable of winning 5TA vs. 5TA, or indeed winning the 5TA vs. 10-40T proposition that more accurately describes most of our 5TA actions.  It is not particularly easy, and there is no other 5TA in the game that could do this so effectively, but on the other hand, there hasn't been an op that has made us question the outcome. That said, the other way is faster. And the thing is, doing it with just our 5TA doesn’t actually result in less bitching. If it’s not the use of 15 teams against a mere 40 defenders, it’s the complaint that our 5 teams are overpowered.  3) YOU FIGHT BEHIND OTHER TEAMS’ TAUNTERS! Oh gosh, this sounds really bad. We use the various strengths of our 5TA synergistically, rather than just ramming our foreheads into our iPads and hoping for the best? Is this bannable?

[tinsirwd]

UnstoppablBeast is a decently well-known player. He used to be well-known for being a good flyer; nowadays, he’s known for being one of the more blatant users of battle hacks in the game, and had been banned on multiple accounts. He was recently seen on DigitalChaos, where we had an unstoppabl-off. He was countering my snipes in truly amazing 19-second unenfeebled runs that 5 different teammates tried and failed to join as defenders. I would venture that no one told him that angels and demons are pretty good at getting beasts of varying levels of greatness thrown into a lake of fire.  Having reduced him to Immovable Object status, I proceeded to emulate a Porsche with no brakes.  Song credit.

[tinsirwd]

The Legend of Tinhalla

Long ago, the scrolls say, a plucky band of knights in platinum armor rode out to claim an access T4. They had heard that Dreadnought had recently named one similar castle “FreeCastle” and abandoned it to be conquered. They had also decided that it would be a good long-term goal to join the Dread 5TA, and what better way to start off a conversation than by bonding over their mutual disdain for T4s? A slight wrinkle in this plan was that they currently had none, so with courage and nerve, they claimed one, named it Tinhalla, and subsequently dumped it onto a sapphire team a few hours later. There were several people who pointed out the improbability of this act setting the knights down the path to  joining the Dread 5TA. These were probably surprised when it did exactly that. As for the rest, they simply remembered the Legend of Tinhalla and nodded. Nowadays, the knights have traded in their platinum armor for no armor, because they need none. Their castles are adorned with monuments resembling the Sedlec monastery, crafted of the bones of millions of the inglorious dead, and diamond skulls glaring down: fallen armies of would-bes and shouldn’t-haves. Most of those are quite old, because they are very quiet places today. But though the invasions have passed, the legend yet grows. One day, during a PVP when an old rival is disbanding, four of their leadership ride out with loaded prims and plant their weapons in the earth before an AnD castle. They see the shield come down, and they just wait. They know their troops did not gain enough glory in life to pass on to Valhalla, but the stories say that if, on their final day, they commit to an act of pure courage, Wotan shall grant them an honourable death and raise them to a seat at his feasting table. And it is said that there is no place where death comes on swifter wings than an AnD castle. To TINHALLA, they go. 

In the time since, many a loaded defensive prim has been sent to an AnD castle as an offering. Most are foolish, but a few are simply brave. For those who choose to meet their fate on their own terms, there can sometimes be heard horns amid the skies. Is it Great Wotan, summoning a redeemed warrior to stand in his army at the end of the world? Or is it some noob bullhorning his way to maxing his event? Perhaps BOTH!

[tinsirwd]

A Fistful of Strikers

A few weeks ago, Three complained on the forums that an S2 team had better castles than she did, amid considerable confusion about how we got them. Personally, I think that she would have been better served by questioning why an S2 team was so much better at fighting than they were. Anyway, one thing led to another, and eventually one of my officers challenged her to a DUEL. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjjDOdaFZg0

Specifically, a TEAM DUEL, so more like a QUINQAGINTUEL. (Both of the guys in my audience who understand Latin are chortling at that one.) 

It went more or less as expected, with Strikers maintaining a 0.7-0.75 KDR throughout, mostly by dying while having swapped a lot of defensive prims, and getting quite a bit worse when they tried to attack. Ours varied between 1.3-1.5; we could’ve done better, but we wanted to involve as many teammates as wanted to participate. Every skirmish ended unfavorably for them, except one where they trapped a taunter and waved some low 400 prims. Good on them for knowing their strength(s), I suppose. Overall we accounted for one million of their troops within about a day, with them taking a bit over 700k. Given that the overwhelming majority of the fighting took place on their castles, T4 and T5, this would constitute a decisive AnD victory.

Some highlights from team chat during this time:

 ”Ok so 4 out of 5 inbound Strikers in that wave got countered before landing. How do they manage to do that? This wasn’t even a good time for us.” “It was DREAD! JL is meat shielding us.” “Er but this was at one of the 97% of our castles with no 5TA prims on it.” “He can meatshield us from across the map. He is our spiritual meatshield.”  

"Huh, Dread’s sniping them there now. I guess they’re distracted?” “Hold fast, fellows. We shall not hit them for two minutes; this is the equivalent of letting your opponent in a duel retrieve his dropped sword. We are LAWFUL GOOD, you see.” 

“Hm, BWAB is countering for them.” “I think this is an attempt to cloak themselves from our bots’ sensors by having a team we respect on a Strikers castle. BEEP BEEP BEEP THIS DOES NOT COMPUTE.”