tinytinyturttlesoup

[tinytinyturttlesoup]

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

[tinytinyturttlesoup]

mikey hair happy face

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LIKE A BOSS .*°.+

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Shock Trials.

MIKEMIKEMIKEMIKEMIKE--

[ ...With a tiny @/Lexiechr fish-- ]

[tinytinyturttlesoup]

Dance

Masterpost | Commission open

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[tinytinyturttlesoup]

would anyone be interested in a DTIYS

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the hat man

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here’s the tiktok i did, i felt bad for my followers there since i post old art and often not for long periods of time, i thought they deserved something special since i spoil tumblr a lot

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I really enjoyed making this dtiys 🥺🥺🥺

[tinytinyturttlesoup]

would anyone be interested in a DTIYS

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Sketch page I rendered a bit ☆

[tinytinyturttlesoup]

Yeah as a twin I gotta agree on this. Twin relationships can be intense don’t get me wrong but a lot of this comes from the general public’s fetishization of twins in general. Whether its it’s the mind meld trope or actual twincest, a lot of people that don’t have this type of relationship seem to think that having a twin is the spiritual relationship that defies all other relationships.

in my experience and for I imagine alot of people this is absolutely not true. Me and my twin brother have a very distant relationship. Meanwhile my relationship with my older sister is a lot more positive and all around more important.

To which I can hear y’all now “but you two are fraternal twins what about identical.” To which I reply, so are Leo and Donnie. if we are going with the twin head cannon Leo and Donnie are fraternal twins.

and listen I’m not saying it’s impossible to have a really intense relationship with your twin. But it’s a lot rarer than most media would have you believe. A lot of the time twin relationships are about as intense as normal sibling relationships. There isn’t really any spirituality involved.

I’m also not saying you’re a bad person for enjoying this trope either. It can be fun, just don’t forget that while Leo and Donnie have each other, they also have relationships with Raph and Mikey as well.

just something to think about

The way people talk about Donnie and Leo only needing eachother as brothers, as twins, is making me start to hate the duo. I don't want to, but-

I feel like it's people who are maybe only children? That don't understand that you don't ACTUALLY have favorite siblings in a healthy family? I love mine equally depending on who annoys me more.

I just.. don't like it. Raph and Mikey are also their brothers, but all the fanfics I see constantly centered it around some twin mind meld, or leo and donnie having some special bond.

Just because you have a twin, doesn't mean they're your favorite person in the world, or you get to disregard your other sibs.

#rise of the tmnt #rottmnt #Hot takes #but like at the end of the day do what you want #I’m not your dad lol

[tinytinyturttlesoup]

i hate these stupid ass turtles

[tinytinyturttlesoup]

Kind of depresso mood right now so I’ve finished my beloved tortuga with my beloved birbs 🐢🦜

[tinytinyturttlesoup]

D r o w n