tizzybella12

[tizzybella12]

Little Tizzy

I was born on September 12th 1991 at 15:20 & unbeknownst to me my little life would dramatically change in 6 months from that day.

I grew up with my gran & my mum who lived together raising me. At some point my mum moved out as she was still young & needed her privacy. I was the apple of my gran’s eye & I never quite understood why she felt this way about me until I was older.

I was 6 months old when my dad committed suicide & again I was too young to grasp the concept of why & how until I got older. My dad had an alcohol issue & couple that with anger issues you get a not so pretty ending to his life.

I was never told much about him until later on in life when I was able to understand the concept of these things we encounter in life. My mum would always make nasty comments about him & tell me how much like my dad’s family I was like when she would get mad at me. I could feel her resentment towards him & her anger which was inevitable taken out on me (the baby). I eventually grew up to meet this family & also understand more about who he was & his troubles. I don’t know enough about him to talk about his life or him ..so I wont. This blog is by no means a platform to bash my mum. She was quite young when she had me & she has made mistakes like most of us out there. As I have gotten older I have carried this resentment towards her & the decisions she made which influenced my life. My only wish now, is for parents out there to look at the warning signs & instead of ignoring them, take action early, stop saying that it’s just attention seeking, stop saying they are just acting out. You might actually be surprised at the answers you may get out of one little conversation.

The purpose of my blog today is because so many people have asked me over the last few months… but how do you get depression? Do you just wake up with it? How do you live with it? What does it feel like?

You do not wake up with depression one sunny morning. It does not just happen. 70% of people who suffer with a mental illness are either born with it or have it run in their family. Traumatic events & losing a loved one can cause depression but this is not chronic depression this is situational depression that usually does not last forever (however, we are all different so do not quote me as I am no expert). Chronic depression is something that is life long & requires medication together with therapy. It is also unfortunately linked to underlying issues such as mood disorders in some not all cases.

As a little girl growing up I always had a short temper, irritability & threw tantrums. Gran always had her concerns but she was always overshadowed by my mum’s “she just wants attention’’ As a teenager, things got worse, I started feeling isolated and depressed a lot more. I withdrew, tried on multiple occasions to take my own life & was just an unhappy person. Fast forward to my 20’s I started having very tumultuous relationships with friends & guys. I could never keep a friendship going for longer than a few months. Explosive dramatic endings was a given… When I was finally diagnosed in 2017 it came as no surprise to me. It was almost a relief, my life finally had some meaning to it. My family I can say still does not grasp the concept of what I suffer from. They don’t really believe in things like mental illness & psychological help etc. My job as a mental health advocate is not to force them to understand this, it is to educate those who want to learn & to sound out the ignorant one’s. I wish that my ‘cries for help’ were heard but life is not meant to be lived backwards, it’s meant to be lived in the present. The here and now. My grandmother's overwhelming love and concern for me came from a place of her trying to be a mother and father as well as a grandmother to me, she believed that the one thing I needed that she could give me ...was love ❤

Mental Illness is overlooked everyday & worldwide. It is sad because there are so many lives that could have & should have been spared. All because people close to them chose to ignore the red flags. They choose to turn the other cheek.

As a family do not dismiss behavior as ‘acting out’ or attention seeking, Try to suss out your kids & get to the bottom of their issues before it’s too late. You never want to be the mum who no longer talks to her kids because they resent you for not being open minded & living in a box of self absorption. Stop being ignorant to the signs, you could save a life.

[tizzybella12]

Approved or Declined

Dear Me

I hear myself type then backspace, type…backspace. I want it to be perfect ..perfect than the last post..perfect than the last time. What is this perfect world we try to create in an imperfect world? The day I decided to stop being perfect & to just feel the anxiety & to let go was the day I found my true identity.

For the longest time I have been fighting this internal battle with myself about past relationships, past friendships, past …past…and that was the problem it was the past. Wondering if those people still hated me, whether they still talked, whether they still laughed, whether they were still ignorant perhaps? And somewhere between the wondering I found myself with an answer. Perhaps its my own forgiveness I seek & not their approval. We spend so much time seeking the approval of others instead of understanding that nothing anyone says will ever be good enough for us or them. When we hear something good about someone we remind others of their past mistakes.. when we hear something bad about someone we thrive on their downfall. Why do we struggle as humans to comprehend that some people use bad experiences, bad relationships, bad friendships, wrong decisions & wrong destinations as a compass to direct them towards a new life. Growth. Maturity.

I’m writing this letter to 19 year old me. A me that did not know back then the storm that awaited her. The pain that would eventually lead me to today. A wiser more grateful human. Yes, mistakes are part of life like I always say it’s a series of trial & error. Everyone of us at some point in our life should write a letter to ourselves, we need to reflect on how far we have come & forgive ourselves for poor decisions & accept apologies we never got. I was not very kind to myself growing up, I critiqued myself for not being what “people wanted me to be” I accepted less than what I deserved. I allowed my heart to suffer more pain than what it deserved. And for that I am sorry.

When I returned home from my gap year in 2019. I had to take a hard look at why relationships in general are so hard for me. Why I attract people who are toxic to my well-being, narcissists, mind game players, users, etc. I had to teach myself that saying no was okay, that loving myself was more important than someone else loving me, I had to start enjoying my own company …be content with that. So, I set a time frame. 6 months. 6 months of no dating, no anything. I had to face a former demon first, close that book & then a few weeks later I met my sweet boyfriend. He was everything I prayed for growing up. So considerate, a good communicator, honest, someone who allows me to be myself, who can cook (BONUS) & most of all someone who was emotionally ready to invest in a relationship. So often we settle, we accept abuse, we accept people who sponge of us, we accept being gas lighted. We accept being the side chick. Why? Because we don’t love ourselves enough. If you did you would know that you don’t need to stick around for such type of treatment. But we choose to anyway. And until you learn to walk away & bolt the doors that allow these people into our lives or back into our lives in some instances, we will always be victims to them. I have listened to my own friends accept physical & verbal abuse from men, accept being spoken to like trash & still make excuses for them. These girls are not stupid or foolish as they are termed at times, they simply don’t see their own light shining because someone who doesn’t deserve them is blinding it. Who are we to judge or laugh at someone who simply wants to love & be loved. You need to pray for them on their journey to finding themselves. Don’t frustrate yourself trying to give advice to those not eady to hear truth, simply let them come to the conclusion on their own. Sometimes the hardest lessons learnt are the one’s that needed to be learnt alone.

I actually never imagined that being someone who suffers with rollercoaster depression & BPD would actually benefit me today. It forces me to see beyond the covers of my bed, beyond the victim mentality, beyond the dark tunnel, beyond the dark room with the curtains drawn, beyond the dark clouds. It forces me to get up & cont;nue (the semi colon is done on purpose) 😉 it forces me to look beyond the rapids of fatality below me & build steps to cross those rivers. (Remember the time we were at the Vaal & I fell into the river while we went canoeing LOL). If I survived falling into the Vaal river I am pretty sure I can survive life (Big LOL).

My closing note is that not all people who come into our lives are meant to stay there. Like the old saying goes you meet for a reason or a season. Outgrowing people is a normal part of life. If & when I feel I have outgrown someone I walk away. Most of the time with no explain. If they care enough they will make the effort to ask why, if not they were never meant to stay in the first place. Learn to walk away from situations & relationships without explosive endings. Replace them with well wishes & then close that door. It is very important for my mental health now that I am able to filter the good & bad. That I am able to sift through true intentions from false one’s. Not everyone who asks the question “How are you? ….actually cares.

I hope that even if my blogs help one person that it needs to, that it does. I do not write to get likes, comments or followers. I write because its my healing, my story & because someone somewhere out there needs to know that they are not alone.

Its up to us to choose if we want to be accepted by ourselves or declined by the toxic society?

[tizzybella12]

Miss Krishna...She’ll see you now

I feel like lately, every time I try to type a blog I find myself pressing backspace, delete or sending my draft to the trash. I really have not been inspired to write these days & I have no idea why. Also, I am not someone who will write about trash just to post a new blog. I have to feel my writing.

I have been feeling a bit “bleh” lately, for a few reasons I feel I do not want to disclose. I have a routine I follow with my depression now, I identify the problem making me sad, I try to work through it, I talk to my friends & if I cannot figure it out then I turn to my psychologist for help. Now I know, I get the look all the time…psychologist…. the term is usually used in a negative context. Why? Because apparently they are associated with crazy people, people with mental issues ….. (in that case the whole world is probably crazy). When people experience grief for instance, sometimes that grief is so intense that an intervention is necessary. Who do you turn to then? A therapist…duh!

 So, I would like to say that for me therapy is really vitally important to my health, its healing & most recently I find it very interesting. If YOU ALLOW YOURSELF to heal therapy can even be fun. Its so important to find the right fit with your doctor. I spent years with the wrong one’s who always told me after three or four sessions that I was okay now. Never really took the time to get to the root of my problem & be dedicated to work through those issues with me.  Your doctor will form an integral part of your emotional & mental well-being, so it is important to have someone you trust & who understands unhealthy patterns you form.  Someone who does not agree with everything you say & who challenges you mentally. Who makes you dig deep to find answers on your own, who allows you to make mistakes while still helping you up.

I found my fit in 2017 while in hospital. One of the first things I told her was how I knew the drill & I had heard this all before. Through weeks & eventually months of our sessions I realized that therapy was more about you working on yourself & not the doctors telling you what you should do & should not do. If you are seeing a doctor because you just want someone to give you a quick fix or tell you what the problem is you are wasting your time & money. Nobody can tell you what the problem is, give you solutions & then sit back & wait for you to get over it. No, therapy is an on going & for some a life-long process. I see mine when the need arises or when I know I have to.  However, this only came after about a year of monthly sessions. You learn to cope better on your own, you learn that life will always throw you disappointments you just have to deal with them as best you can, there is no text book answer on how to cope with depression or any other mental illness. There is no right or wrong answer. No doctor has all the answers. We gain the knowledge through experience. Through trial & error.  So if you think that two sessions makes you an expert on psychology…..ummmmm….no.

Yeah, therapy is not for everyone, it should never be forced. Not everyone is ready to take that leap, some are afraid of the answers they may get.  Others are just non-believers. Whatever your story is do not criticize those who do take this road. We all choose different ways to heal hurt. Some of us do not choose this path, in most instances some are born with the genetic seed. I do at times despise the fact that I need medication to fix my issues however I would rather be healthy than irrational all the time. My mental health has always been at the for front of my priorities because if I am not healthy I cannot have healthy relationships with others. My Gp once told me "A diabetic person does not choose diabetes, they do not choose to be on insulin, it is needed for their survival".  

So the next time someone tells you they have to see a psychologist or psychiatrist, think twice before you shoot back with a snotty remark. You never know when you or someone close to you may require their help.

Mental Illness knows no names, race, gender or even status…. ❤

[tizzybella12]

Reverse Psychology 🙏

So often we hear the phrase .."I needed closure". What is closure? I'm sure Oxford's dictionary describes it as an ending. A chapter closing...wrong. It's not the end. In fact for me it was just the beginning.

You all know him. I don't have to tell you his name. You know him. And by the end of this blog I hope you will understand why I did what I did. Because for years I wondered, I was confused, I needed to understand. No doctor, no medication, no prayer could ever give me those answers. And so on the 07 September 2019, I did the unthinkable. I met him. Every question I ever had was about to be answered. I knew what was at stake, but I had to be strong and I had to do this. I owed it to myself. To my sanity.

No amount of preparation could brace me for what I was about to hear and the aftermath of that. I promised myself there would be no tears and no grudges after today. But the tears still find their way sometimes..they know the outlines of my face all too well. See.. sometimes we think that a wound has healed, but what you have actually done is put a band aid on an infected wound. You were supposed to treat the infection, not suppress it. And over time infections simply make us more sick.

The cycle of life is such that we are geared to move on, but some of us simply move on physically, not emotionally. I moved on, but my heart didn't. And so I had to give it the ending it deserved. Those who came after you were preparing me for our meeting. They were detours to the finale. So here we are today, face to face.

I can see the guilt eating at you, the pain I once carried is now your pain, the hurt that caused me to not be able to even move is now yours. But....instead of rejoicing in your pain, I want to take it away. Please don't carry the guilt anymore. Please don't blame yourself. I'm okay now. I'm better now. Most importantly..I forgive you.

After you left it was hard to put into simple english how i felt. The weeks that followed were tough on me. I wanted this closure, but I felt so sad, but why? Because silly girl...closure comes from you not him. He gave my heart answers but he couldn't help it heal after the wound was opened again. There was no hand book on the aftermath of this. And so I embarked on my own journey of forgiveness and self love. When I truly forgave my past I was able to invite love in. I had to let you go to receive my heart back. ❤

Every now and again I watch myself drifting into thought about what life could have been like had things turned out differently.. and you know what i guess we never really get over some people, we simply move on. You move on as best you know how. You keep them locked away in a safe place. You learn to love and let go. You learn that not everyone who comes into your life is meant to stay. You get better at disappointments. You get better at healing.

So one day if you see my mind in deep in thought....

You know why 💕

[tizzybella12]

BLIND SPOT

When I first started driving lessons 8 years ago, my instructor always told me to check my blind spot. Over time and as I got used to driving I became negligent in checking, I simply did the necessary. After my accident last year though, I became anxious… almost OCD about road safety. Now I check my blind spot, left, right, left, right until someone hoots that it’s okay to go.... I guess the same can be said about our relationships and our ex’s. They always catch you off guard when you least expect it and we have all gotten the ‘Hi I hope you’re well, I’m sorry for everything”... DM 

Ex’s are like cheese & tomato sandwiches. They’re easy and familiar. We go back because we don’t have to start over. And starting over is scary. Letting new people in isn’t easy. But here’s the truth about ‘old flames’ ….FLAMES eventually die out. 

Remember that an ex is the past. A lesson. A chapter that ended because something didn't quite fit right. Someone got hurt. A ship that set sail never to return again. So why do we still choose to go back and entertain them? 

The Answer: Loneliness and feelings on unfulfillment.

 That is all I wish to comment for now.

 I am a firm believer in people changing. I am living proof that we evolve & the things that were once important, those things change to. We develop new hobbies, new likes & dislikes. New habits. All because with time personality doesn't change but your character can. Just remember though that a tiger never loses its stripes. Ultimately, it will always remain your decision as to who you allow into your life. Nobody said we can’t be polite & cordial. Perhaps we stay in touch to prove to ourselves that we are in fact over the hurt & pain. But are we really? Or are we just scraping the surface of an old scar? 

So when you do get that message. be an adult. Wish them well & forgive easily because behind the forgiveness you are one more message closer to the real person your heart was meant to be with. Time takes precedence over all else. You don’t simply wake up one day with no pain. It’s a process, like I always say “baby steps”. The days will become brighter, waking up is easier, laughing doesn't hurt anymore. Your smile gets its glow back. Hold on to the HOPE that, that day is coming. 

I am no master at getting over the past, because I have not. I simply move on as life does.  Whether this is healthy or not I do not know. Something tells me though that my doctor may disagree. I know it’s hard to not dwell on the past & the happier times. Just remember that’s over now. The idea you have is a fantasy. It was not the reality of how things ended. Your future is bright & beautiful and you don't need to be with anyone to define your worth. You are always enough. 

In two weeks I celebrate a new year of life & I just wanted to simply reflect on the year & years that have passed. So much has happened, so much good, so much pain, so many tears, death, marriage, babies & most importantly clarity.  The hard times have come to shape us for more hard times & to help us grow & toughen as humans. So, go be your best human form. Don’t dwell on the things you don’t have control over. You can only plan to a certain point. The rest is up to the man above. Tomorrow & the day after is your chance to start over.  A wise guy once told me “stop living in the past, your present is just as beautiful” Your future even more beautiful. If you keep living in the past you are distorting life’s plan for you. 

This is me posting my last blog as a 27 year old something. I can’t wait to share my birthday celebrations with you all & all the pictures from this year’s friendship shoot.   

Love Tizzy 

[tizzybella12]

The Time I Fell In Love, I Never fell Out.... ❤

It hit me the other day driving home from the airport, tears streaming down my face and a snotty nose..I had only ever been in love once. I was only ever ready to commit to something once in my life.  

FLYING

I was ready to put my future, the rest of my life into my career. That is after all what you do when you love something so deeply. You give your all. You commit 110%

Since leaving the skies I have been a little (okay a lot ) lost. I simply cannot find it in myself to commit to anything for longer than 6 months. It scares me. What if I actually love something more than flying? God forbid..What if I get comfortable?? It would feel like I have given up on my dream of flying again, like I was moving on. I cant do that. 

My flying career was the one thing that never disappointed me, never abandoned me and never broke my heart..until it did. There is never a day that ever goes by that I don't regret the decisions I made back then. The if only’s and what if’s???? Its enough to drive a person back to that hospital...Constantly living with that regret. 

And so I float, float through life and run at the first sign of any possible commitment. I simply cannot allow myself to get too close to anything or anyone. 

I know in my heart of hearts that one day we will be reunited again, and I will never give up on the hope of that day coming. Like the old cliché... “If you love something, let it go. if it comes back its yours forever” 

So for now I shall continue to live for the days that come my way. Just remember I’ll be waiting. I will always be waiting...

My fear has and always will be commitment. 

[tizzybella12]

[tizzybella12]

What happened when Life Happened.. April 2018-2019 🌎🌇

Its hard to believe its been almost two months since I have been back in SA. And without dwelling too much on what has come and gone, this blog is aimed more at the lessons I have learnt abroad and how it has made me mature internally and also be more open minded. 

Travelling changes you. It forces you to grow up and break down the walls we build around ourselves. I was 22 years old when I started my career. Let me start by saying I was blessed beyond measure. At 24 I was living what most girls only dreamt about. I was cabin crew, living in a beautiful home, driving around without a care in the world. And then life happened and it was gone. The dream I had worked so long for had ended.

The only life I had ever known was over, at age 26 I was completely lost. So I decided to embark on a journey of self discovery. I needed to discover Tizzy, the normal 26 year old without the fancy titles and made up face. The unedited version. 

I very quickly learnt in the USA that when you don't deal with your emotions and you try to run away in the hopes of starting over you are actually just shooting yourself in the foot. Life will always throw disappointment and failure at you, but someone once told me that pain does not last forever. We become so lost in the pain and the confusion that we forget that our current situation is never permanent. (Jay Shetty) I never allowed myself the time to grieve the loss of flying and instead I tried to replace the pain by running away to another country. All that happened was my demons followed me to the United States and we picked up where we had left off in SA......✈

When I returned home from the U.S I felt like a failure. I had only spent 3 months abroad, I missed my host kids terribly. The reality of my situation was that I was simply not emotionally ready for that journey. I regret it a lot because I think it could have been a great one if I was prepared mentally. Nevertheless, I learnt so much in those 3 months. I had done things that I simply would never have done had I stayed home and never travelled.  Simple things like taking the metro or walking the kids to swimming lessons. Mainly because it isn't safe to do that in SA and because I am so accustomed to a comfort zone, If I had one wish today it would be to try again the USA. 👭

And then of course how could we possibly forget, Dubai happened.....this my dear readers is a classic example of what happens when you rush into things and how detrimental this can be to you. Dubai has taught me to appreciate life and to appreciate what I have. It was such a learning experience. Both mentally and physically. Never get caught up in the bright lights and glam of a city...because when the sun rises in the morning every city looks the same The idea of travelling and being overseas has always fascinated and intrigued me. It still does. BUT now I have a checklist, more like a list of do’s and don't’s. A list of lessons learnt. 💪

I wish there were enough words in the Oxford dictionary to fully comprehend to you all how wonderfully warped and amazing this year of travel has been. I have laughed and cried and learnt how to poach salmon for dinner, how to kiss ‘ouchies’ better, how to calm down histerical kids, how to hold a tray and serve wine, how to set up a table for dinner, how to differentiate between a latte, cappuccino and an americano. LOL! I have learnt that its okay to love people and let them go. It doesn't mean you have to forget them. 

As I sit here today I have no idea where life is taking me next. Absolutely no clue. What I do know is that I’m not rushing this time. Whether I decide to stay in South Africa or travel again, life is not a race. It is meant to be lived. Today will never come by again, so live it like tomorrow won’t be coming around. And remember that 6 months from now your life will be totally different than it is now. 🔭

To all my friends I have made abroad, thank you for allowing me to learn from you, thank you for allowing me into your lives and hearts. We are forever connected over the seas by memories. 🐚 

All My Love 

Tizzy ❤

[tizzybella12]

The Heaviest Heart on KQ 782/311 💓💓

It's 23:00 in Dubai on the 16 April. I've just checked in and my flight boards at 01:20. KQ 311 is a direct flight from Dubai to Nairobi (Kenya). And then I hop over to KQ 782, a Kenyan Airways flight from Nairobi to Cape Town, South Africa. I feel like I've waited my whole life to get on this flight. I just want to leave already. This day has been a TMI day. Too much information..I never thought my last two weeks let alone my last day in Dubai would end this way. But it has and as much as I want to fall apart, i can't. I need to be strong and I have to go home in one piece. I have interviews in two days and a life that must go on. So let me take you back to four months ago.....

There I was at 05:00 at Dubai International Airport. I had just made the biggest mistake of my life, and I didn't even know it.

This has been one of the most challenging four months of my life. Emotionally and Mentally. I'm exhausted. I haven't slept, eaten and lived my life properly in the longest time. When I landed in DXB on the 07th of December I told myself it was too late to turn back now. I had to be strong. I knew something didn't feel right about this job but I went against my gut and I followed through. I knew it would be hard and I would miss home and my friends. I was prepared for that. I was not prepared for what was about to come my way though...nothing could ever prepare me for the lies and unhappiness that followed. Both at work and my personal life.

Firstly if you are moving to a new country for work. Find out exactly what your job entails and exactly what you will be doing. The middle east is very fond of changing or tweeking "job titles". A butler is just a fancy word for buggy driver etc... A guest relations executive is a fancy word for a glorified waitress. That was my first mistake. I didn't bother researching my job. I was so engrossed and excited about moving to a new country that nothing else mattered.

The weeks that followed were torture, I just couldn't find my feet. I didn't understand the work operation. I didn't understand what my role was and I didn't want to in all honesty. I thought time would help. Keep in mind I was doing a job I had zero experience in. Oh yes, this is very common in the UAE. We will hire you regardless of your experience is their go to slogan. By now, two months had gone by and I still wasn't performing. I spoke to my manager about my issues, i wasn't coping and emotionally I was losing it. My mental health was starting to deteriorate rapidly. There was a sense of well "We all go through it". And we can't do anything to help you kind of attitude.

I had to think fast if I wanted to get out of this, so I did. I needed to take drastic measures. One week later I had successfully resigned. I was serving my notice and I would be going home in a few weeks. I did have second thoughts, but I had made a decision and I had to stand by it. ✌ As time went on I felt like a huge weight was taken off my shoulders. I was finally free. I was excited about going home. 😀🙏 I did what I had to do to be happy and I will always put my health first.

And then there was my "barely there" personal life...

This next part, I'm not really sure how to start. I was blindsided this time. I always thought South African guys were assholes, but wow you should travel more. 😂😟 They get more "assholier" north of the continent. I won't go into too much detail here. I guess I'm still trying to process it all. Guys are sneaky bastards (like leaving out the fact they are getting engaged and married soon). They tell you what you want to hear and they know how to manipulate their lies to their own selfish benefit. The bottom line is never take what they are telling you at face value and always look out for the red flags. They're always there we just choose to ignore them. I guess fantasy is better than reality sometimes.

Here's the thing, always use your instincts and your truth as your compass to navigate you through relationships. Whether it's friendships, platonic, romantic, etc. Never discredit your gut.

Below I've included some tips for how to weed out a "two timer much like the one I encountered in Dubai 😡:"

He's always on his phone when you're around:

Here's the truth, he's not texting his bff or his mum ladies. If you're around he shouldn't be texting at all. This is disrespectful and also a sign that he's not really that interested in you. If his phone seems more appealing perhaps he should have stayed home and you should be out with someone else who will respect your time and effort.

  2. He doesn't pay attention when you talk to him:

He never listens to you, or he seems distracted when you have a conversation with him. Or try to. He brushes you off. Or he says things like "you already told me that". Ugggh who wants to be around someone who doesn't pay attention to them. ✌Also it's not easy for someone with a double life to pay attention to so many woman!

3. The wondering eye:

This is an obvious one. Girls if he takes you to a bar and starts telling you he's hooked up with half the bar, run! He's doing it to seem cool but that's not a good reflection of him. And chances are, he has hooked up with all of them!

4. He starts being distant:

When a guy starts being distant he's trying to get rid of you to make room for a new person. It's really that simple..don't make excuses and try to give him the benefit of the doubt. Guys get bored after the chase is over, it's not your fault. He has his own issues.

5. He hides you from his friends and refers to his ex as crazy:

If you have never met his friends, there's a problem. He's hiding you and you deserve to be shown off to the world girl!

If he tells you that his ex is or was crazy there's a problem. Why was she crazy? What made her so crazy?? Guys say this when they have done something wrong in the relationship and aren't ready to take ownership for their fault in it. Watch out for this line.

As woman we tend to be naive, but you pick up on patterns and you need to remember these in every relationship you get into. Don't be hard on yourself, men are great at the game of deception and take great pleasure in making us feel bad about it.

As for me, I'm adjusting to being home for now and spending my time with people who are positive and who contribute good vibes to my life. I've made God and prayer the centre of my life, not just in the tough times but the good to. I'm committed to having a good life moving forward. One with balance. Thank you to everyone who supported me and sent me good wishes when I was going through a tough time abroad. I'm home now and my heart is happy again. ❤🙏

They say.....Time Heals All..but the scars remain to show us how far we have come.

[tizzybella12]

Tizzy's Top Tips For Dealing With Stress and Anxiety 😟😰

When people hear the word anxiety or depression and they immediately think it's people who are sad and who can't cope with life. How old are you? 16? That is such an ignorant way to look at this topic. Sadly, we still have people that roam the earth with this mentality...

I have battled both these "demons" and on some days I still do. But it's okay. Now I have the tools to handle the onset of the symptoms and I have my own coping strategies for dealing with stress and anxiety (depression). I've done that on purpose...I bracketed depression because it's like the sister to anxiety. They are so closely related. So here are my 5 tips:

Feel the emotion

Do not try to be a brave heart and bottle up emotions. You are not The Statue of Liberty 🗽. You have feelings. You are a human being. Avoiding the pain and sadness simply delays the inevitable "breakdown". Remember nobody has ever died from crying or being weak. Just as long as you know that those feelings are not your final destination. Pain is temporary.

2. Do things that make you happy

I don't know what makes you happy. And up until about a year and a half ago neither did I. You need to do things that make your heart and soul feel free. Watch your favourite movie. Eat your favourite ice cream. Go for a massage. Go for a run. Go to gym. DO NOT SIT IN BED ALL DAY PONDERING THE PAST. I did this for the longest time, and honestly it's like suicide. You are just killing yourself. Find a hobby. Join a charity. Do something for someone else for a change. This will instantly make you feel so good.

3. Start a new habit

My new rule for my life that I started lately, is no caffeine after 12pm. Caffeine affects sleep as you all know. I would drink coffee before bed and then complain about insomnia. 🙆 Get out of old habits and start healthier ones.

4. Stop complaining

I'm laughing as I type number 4. I'm so guilty of this. I complain alot about everything. If I could I would complain about the sky being blue. It's easy..much easier to complain than to be grateful for what you have.

Close your eyes for a moment. Imagine not having a job to go to in the morning. Not having a car to drive to the mall. Not having a jacket on a cold day. For some people this is their reality. The words you speak eventually manifest into reality. Just remember that the next time you complain about hating work.....it takes a few seconds to lose something.

5. Surround yourself with happy people

This is my favourite. I love being around my friends when I'm sad because they are simply the best (thanks Tina Turner). It's so important to be surrounded by positivity and good vibrations during times of stress. I know that sometimes you may not necessarily "be in the mood". That's okay. Maybe tomorrow. Just don't delay that cup of coffee or movie night for a whole two weeks. Then you're just hosting a "pity party for one" and shutting people out who care about you. Friends are the angels that God sends us to help us on our daily journey's.

I hope my tips help you and share some of your own with me if you have any! From myself, Tizzy, I would like to take this opportunity to wish you all a magical, safe and adventurous 2019. Thank you so much for encouraging me to write again and for your support.

Life is a series of doors just waiting to be opened. Go on.. take the keys..💞 (just make a spare copy for in case you lose them) 😂😂

All my love

T

[tizzybella12]

The Top Line Principal 🛫 🛫

I still remember my first interview at Comair. I couldn't make it because of work..so I got lucky and they interviewed me the day after. Throughout the last few months leading up to me leaving. I made one promise...to never ever mention the companies name in my blogs or bring it to disrepute. And I kept my promise until today. I feel like this blog will help me find some peace and forgiveness and help unload the dead weight I have been carrying around.

I'll start of by saying I worked for a great company. I didn't get a long with far too many of my colleagues, I isolated myself from the world. There was only one thing I knew for sure and that was I LIVED FOR MY JOB! I would eat sleep and breathe flying..❤✈ I was my own worst enemy and ultimately I was a victim of what I call "self sabotage".

I was not able to seperate my personal life from work life anymore..It's easy to pass blame and say it was not my fault. However I played a big role in why I gave up on my biggest dream in life. I could honestly kick myself for quitting and leaving because of "people"-AND THEIR OPINIONS. I was a total rebel at the end. I simply didn't care about rules because I was no longer doing what I loved, so I thought why should I care anymore. That was a mistake. I should have cared, it was the key that was going to unlock the door that had been shut for 6 months. I should have.

Nevertheless my point is, don't take the life you have for granted, stop complaining, stop moaning. You are blessed to have a job as a flight attendant. Yes. We may not always like rules and we don't always agree with the new ones, but you stay because you know the foundation of this place is solid. You know the grass isn't always greener on the other side. If I didn't really love my company I would never have given them 4 years of my life. There's just alot I should have and could have said that I didn't. Instead I carried a grudge. An unnecessary one.

Comair gave me the best memories and more than anything they gave me the best friends. The best chapter of my life was co-authored by them. No I'm not putting them on a pedestal, I'm simply giving credit where it's due. I was blessed. At age 24 I had lived my dream and I get to share my experience with people everyday. That's what I love most about what I did. The training I received was not just for that period of time. I use it everyday in everything I do. I call it forever knowledge. People often ask me "what's your dream job?" My answer is "I already lived it".

So this blog is not an attack it's simply a thank you. Thank you for having me onboard. I wouldn't be the person I am today had it not been for you. Recently I posted something about people who work for the company sending me invites on social media. Let me say this...I am happy with the friends I made at Comair. They are the only friends I chose to keep around. So if you want to know how I'm doing or what I'm doing...pick up the phone.

I'll end of my blog today by saying that flying changed my life. It pushed me, it challenged me and at times it broke me down. But I would do it all again in a heartbeat. Because that's what you do when you love something. ❤🛫

[tizzybella12]

Hello To Goodbye 🐚

8 hours, 6 hours, 4 hours, 1 hour...until we land in Cape Town. The 9th August 2018 was supposed to be the happiest day because I was coming home after 3 months of being terribly homesick and depressed. Instead I found myself crying the entire 29 hours home from Chicago.

I knew that when I landed back home life for me was going to change drastically. I was simply not ready for what happened in the months to follow....

I left for the States in April 2018. The start of a new chapter away from the ugly memories of how the past year started. Instead it was a reflection of what running away from your past does.

I went into this adventure with my eyes closed. I really was not prepared for the cultural differences and living with an American Family drama that came with being an Au Pair. As South African's we live a very closed of life. We live in a bubble full of culture and hospitality that is very rare elsewhere in the world. I'm sure the USA is a wonderful country and has its own unique characteristics that make it famous. I simply was not emotionally ready..😩👏 When you make decisions based on your current day situations they tend to fall apart very quickly.

I had to come home and face the reality of what my life had become over the past few months, and not run this time. I had to forgive, I had to compromise and I had to let go. If I was going to make something of my future I had to come to terms with my past first.

Being back home has humbled me. This year has humbled me. I known that I have spent an enormous amount of time complaining about a lot. Take a minute to appreciate what you have before you don't have it anymore. It takes one wrong decision or one wrong answer to lose everything you worked so hard for.

So how are things going to be different this time..? Honestly I don't have all the answers. Just a few. Before you embark on a new adventure such as travelling and being away from home always do your research extensively, get opinions from people who have been there. Visit websites of people living there. Experience is the best way to learn.. It's okay to make mistakes you just need to make sure you learn something. Making the same mistake twice or three times is no longer a mistake...🙌it's foolishness

So to answer the question you have all been waiting to hear....am I ready to start a new chapter in Dubai? Or am I going to stay home for a bit longer, until I feel I'm ready to venture out again? A few weeks ago I was very positive of my answer but instead i chose to take my time in deciding..

I'll leave you in some suspense..You will soon find out 😀❤👌Some of you already know my decision but for the rest...you will have to wait until next month. 😀🌸