tomatowielder
bat countries
max, 28, she/they. mathematics & geology undergrad student, mad, chronic pain (interstitial cystitis). mostly contains personal posts
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matchacowbee
need cuddles asap
etrobeauty
ʳᵉˢᵒˡᵘᵗᵉ ʳᵉˢᶤˡᶤᵉᶰᶜᵉ;
allstarchimneysweeps-blog
All Star Chimney Sweep
leafyduckwebs
time to go home.
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my pain hasn’t necessarily been better but I’ve been dealing with it better. it feels a bit easier to live alongside
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I have really obvious eczema atm all over my eyelids, between my eyes & eyebrow, and under my eyes - people at work have been asking me about it regularly for about a month so I know it’s not in my head that it’s noticeable
want to go to the gym today but the more I’m asked about it & the more I can’t fix it the more I don’t want to have to go outside & be perceived
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OK so it’s nearly exam season (ish - exams are 5th & 6th of June which is enough to make me go into “oh shit” study mode)
Monday & Tuesday are my proper days off where I’m not working & my partner isn’t in the house so they are my serious study days
I ended up getting 90% dark chocolate (that I haven’t had for years and years I usually only eat milk chocolate) w/o thinking and it is like someone poured acid on my bladder. I’m not usually food sensitive (only to caffeine & soy & artificial sweeteners) so I don’t think about these things. the pain I am experiencing right now my lord
anyway instead of pushing myself to try to study I’ve instead had All The Medication, cannabis, and I’m watching documentaries & not giving myself a hard time about it
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PDEs have been a nightmare today. I am hopeful I’ll crack them tomorrow
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my amitriptyline got upped & I started on this new supplement & my pain has been so low recently. pain spikes aren’t spiking half as hard and I’ve had days with no pain or symptoms whatsoever
no idea if this will last or be a long term trend but so incredibly grateful atm
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i need feminism because when jesus does a magic trick it’s a goddamn miracle but when a woman does a magic trick she gets burned at the stake
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I GOT ALL THE STATISTICS ASSIGNMENTS FOR THIS YEAR DONE!!!! just have to prepare for the exam now 😬
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I did some more work today!! combination of music while studying, reducing pomodoro times to 15 mins, matcha, & having a to do list that shows daily goals only so I don’t think about the picture seems to be working
relieved that Doing Work is occurring after being stuck in a procrastination rut so long
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I’ve just discovered matcha & todays studying took substantially less effort
(I’m also trying to take goals day by day rather than thinking about The Big Picture which freaks me out)
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it’s making education tricky (really difficult to motivate myself to start tasks & stay focused on them), though I’m really proud of how the last few days have gone & im gonna stick with it
but it also means that apart from exercise I have no hobbies or interests or way to fill my time or career goals
I am kind of frustrated by my like… lack of ability to be interested in things?
like, I’m interested in the idea of things (e.g. “wouldn’t it be cool to know how trains work/how to fix computers/how anatomy works” etc etc), but then when I start actually doing the thing I get bored & lose interest so quickly & never come back to it
the only thing I consistently enjoy atm is exercise (running, swimming, etc) but then the rest of the time I can’t actually sustain interest in anything
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I am kind of frustrated by my like… lack of ability to be interested in things?
like, I’m interested in the idea of things (e.g. “wouldn’t it be cool to know how trains work/how to fix computers/how anatomy works” etc etc), but then when I start actually doing the thing I get bored & lose interest so quickly & never come back to it
the only thing I consistently enjoy atm is exercise (running, swimming, etc) but then the rest of the time I can’t actually sustain interest in anything
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I completed my stats assignment!! I did not think that was going to happen
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I’ve had a rough couple of weeks getting into the zone studywise - I did loads yesterday & loads today & I’m so proud of myself
& I feel like I’m making some progress on like… what I might want my career to look like. which I felt stuck with for a long time
(also I changed my degree program from mathematics to a joint honours in mathematics & geology)
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