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15 Ways to Start a Conversation With a Guy Over Text (+ 4 Ways NOT to)

So you swiped right on a dating app and matched up with a guy. Maybe you’re on Bumble, where the ladies have to start the conversation. Or you want to text a man you met through a friend. Whatever the situation, now you want to know how to start a conversation with a guy over text.

What You Need to Know About How to Start a Conversation with a Guy Over Text

If you’re getting back into dating after a long break, you might be shocked at how important texting has become in dating. You’re much more likely to text someone you’re seeing than talk to him on the phone, at least early on, so be ready for that shift from the way things were the last time you dated. (Remember waiting by that LANDLINE for his call?!)

Even if you consider yourself fairly savvy at texting your girlfriends (you’re known as the GIF user in your group), realize that you still need to know how to start a conversation with a guy over text…and keep his attention, because it’s a bit different from how you’d interact with your friends.

Let’s break down your texting into three sections:

Getting the party started

Keeping the conversation flowing

Letting him know you’re into him

That first text is so important. Whether you’re too impatient (or confident) to wait for him to text you first, or whether you have his number and he doesn’t have yours, you’re up to bat, so you want to make sure your text is engaging, witty, and intriguing so that he’ll text you back.

Here are a few tips to ensure that he eagerly responds to that first text you send.

1. Do More Than Say “Hey.”

You’re a smart lady, so why would you waste valuable texting real estate with a totally dumb starting line?

Nearly 30% of 18-24-year-olds are totally cool with “hey” as an intro text…but you’re not in that demographic, are you? Go with something that requires a bit more intellect and requires a response from him.

2. Get Inspiration from His Dating Profile.

If you’re on a dating site, read his profile and find something you can ask a question about (questions require an answer and keep the conversation going!).

You might see a photo of him at the top of a mountain:

“Looks like you’re into hiking like me! What’s your favorite trail?”

Or his profile might say he speaks four languages:

“4 languages, huh? Parlez-vous français? Parli italiano?”

Some dating sites have icebreakers, like having the user list two truths and a lie:

“I’m going to guess that your lie is…rescuing a baby tiger from the clutches of a bear. Am I right?!”

3. Text Only When You Have Time to Respond.

Ping! You get a notification on your phone that you’ve matched with a man. You’re eager to get the conversation started…but don’t do it unless you can instantly reply and hold a conversation should he respond immediately.

You’re more likely to launch a text conversation if you respond promptly to his reply…otherwise, he might lose interest and find another woman to text.

4. Make Him Laugh.

If you can pull off funny, it’s a great strategy to start a conversation with a guy over text.

“OMG! I was typing to ask if this was the only paid dating site you were on and autocorrect made it ‘pain dating site!’ Oh my! I don’t think it’s that kind of site…do you? 😨“

5. Time Your Text.

Realize that you might, without meaning to, communicate desperation with your text depending on what time you send it. Texting for the first time on a Friday evening at 8 pm might tell him that you’re a bit desperate for a date.

Texting first thing in the morning can be overwhelming too…or even wake the guy up. Aim for after work, maybe around 6 on a weekday, for the best shot of getting a reply.

Once You Get Rolling

Now that he’s responded and you’re texting back and forth, how can you keep the conversation going?

6. Focus on Getting to Know Him.

Now is the time to ask questions so you can determine whether this guy is a good fit and potential suitor. But…don’t bombard him with questions! Keep a healthy mix of questions and comments.

Try to give him a chance to ask you questions in return. While there doesn’t have to be a 1:1 ratio of text questions (women tend to be more curious than men, I’ve found), back off if you’ve asked several in a row without him having a chance to ask his own.

7. Pay Attention to Whether He Asks Questions.

If he doesn’t ask many questions, he’s not interested.

It’s a red flag if you’re the only one who’s curious and asking questions. One way to make him realize that you want to feel like he’s trying to get to know you is:

“Sorry for all the questions! I’m just naturally curious. It’s your turn to ask a few!”

If he doesn’t bite after that, he probably isn’t interested enough to put any effort into getting to know you. Move on.

8. Watch That Tone.

The thing about text messages is that sometimes they can be misinterpreted. What might have been a sarcastic and witty comment in your head could come out snarky and mean.

Always read your texts before you send them, and ask yourself whether someone who didn’t know you well might misunderstand your intention. If there’s even a shadow of a doubt, rewrite the text.

9. Spell Words Out.

U r nt a teen. Dn’t txt lyk 1.

Grownups spell words out. For Pete’s sake, you’ve got “voice to text”, so how lazy can you be?

Realize that if you use abbreviated words or even bad grammar or punctuation, you might be judged by the man you’re texting: 75% of men judge bad grammar.

How to Show Interest

Let him know you’re into him!

Once you realize that you’re hitting it off, make sure you let him know that you’re interested in your texts so you can get that first date scheduled.

Because you’re interacting via text, it can be harder to communicate interest than it would be in person, so use these tips to get it right.

10. Call Him By His Name.

It’s subtle, but calling this guy by his name in the text (or later, by phone or in person), communicates your interest.

You can also call him endearing terms like:

Cutie

Honey

Hotstuff

11. Give Him Your Number.

If you’ve been texting through a dating app, step up your game and give him your phone number. This tells him that you like him enough to move to the next step in this game. A date won’t be far behind.

12. Ask Questions That Show Interest.

Everyone feels good when someone shows interest in what they do and care about! If he told you yesterday that he was going to watch the game, ask who won.

Ask what he likes about his job.

Ask what he’d do if money were no issue.

Ask how his work presentation went.

Ask how his friend that broke his arm is doing.

Essentially, you want to show that you’re paying attention to what he’s saying and that you care enough to retain that information.

13. Text Him Throughout the Day.

Think about how you feel when a man texts you to wish you good morning each day, or makes a point to say “good night” via text.

It feels good, right?

So do the same to let this man know that you’re thinking of him.

Here’s the only caveat: stop doing it if he’s not reciprocating. If you look at your text chain and see that it’s been mainly you popping in to say hi, back off. If the texts aren’t more back-and-forth, he may not be interested.

14. Flirt a Little.

One surefire way to let a man know that you’re into him is to flirt. There’s no need to go overboard, but make sure he knows you want more than just being friends.

You could send him a selfie where you’ve got a sexy smile…

…or ask him for a photo…

…if you’ve gone out, you could tell him you can’t wait to see him again…

It may not come naturally at first, but with a little practice (give my Flirting Workshop a try), it’ll become second nature.

15. Use Emojis.

Emojis aren’t just for teenagers! A carefully-chosen one can express more than words.

😚 😘

These kissing emojis makes it clear that you’re interested!

😊

If he compliments you, you can always blush!

😍

If he says something that makes you even more gaga about him, use this one.

How NOT to Start a Conversation with a Guy Over Text

Now that we’ve covered how to start a conversation with a guy over text, as well as how to express your interest in him, let’s cover a few no-nos in texting.

Bombard Him with One Text After Another.

via GIPHY

Unless you want him to ghost you, let him respond before you send another text. It will require patience, but trust me on this.

There’s a woman in Arizona who sent a man 159,000 texts (and stalked him) after just one date! Don’t be that woman!

Pout if He Doesn’t Respond Immediately.

Clearly something is wrong if he doesn’t respond within a few seconds. Right?

Wrong.

You may be wrapped up in the fantasy of this guy doing nothing but thinking about you all day, but in reality he’s probably working, running errands, sleeping…or just not available. Don’t assume the worst. Again, have a little patience.

Go Too Deep Too Soon.

Work, hobbies, interests are all acceptable topics for early texts before you’ve gone out. Save the relationship history, politics, and religion for later.

Signs You Should Move On

A lot of women I’ve coached get frustrated that they’re not better at reading the signs that a man isn’t interested. It can be challenging to watch for those cues, particularly if you haven’t been single that long.

Let me give you a few signs to look out for.

It’s All Text and No Movement Forward.

Texting is great, but if you’re doing it for a week or more, you risk turning into pen pals. Sure, some guys are slower than others, but if he’s not asking about your schedule or whether you have plans for the weekend, he might not want to meet.

You can, of course, take initiative and ask him out. That way you can at least see if he’s interested.

He Seems Permanently Unavailable.

If he can’t or won’t meet, he might be catfishing you.

If this guy travels a lot or is out of town for an indefinite period of time, you’ve got to first ask yourself why he’s on a dating app. If he can’t meet, what’s the point?

Also, realize that a man who is this unavailable may also be catfishing you. That’s not necessarily the case, but be aware that some men (and women) create fake profiles with the objective of messing with your head or just because they’re bored.

He’s Taking the Conversation Sexual Too Fast.

You’re not a prude, but jeez, you’d like to meet a man before sexting. If this guy is making you uncomfortable, block him. There’s no reason why a man should make sexual overtones too soon, especially if you’re not reciprocating.

Conclusion:

Even if this doesn’t end up being your Prince Charming, you at least got practice on how to start a conversation with a guy over text!

It’s like any skill: the more you do it, the better you get at it. Just keep it light and have fun with it.

And if things do work out, you’ve successfully learned how to use another communication channel that maybe you didn’t use when you were last single decades ago. Texting can be a great asset in a relationship!

Want a little more help on how to start a conversation with a guy over text? My Love Texting Report includes actual texts that you can copy and paste to get the conversation rolling. Download it today!

The post 15 Ways to Start a Conversation With a Guy Over Text (+ 4 Ways NOT to) appeared first on Sexy Confidence.

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How to Tell Him You Love Him (3 Special Ways to Steal His Heart)

There’s that moment when you look deeply into someone’s eyes and know from the bottom of your heart that you truly love that person.

That moment might just be…the most terrifying moment you’ll ever experience.

Scarier than sky diving…or even spiders. Uck.

But figuring out how to tell him you love him is even harder. Because fear causes us to freeze up (seriously. It’s a thing. Ask a scientist.), that can make it next to impossible to get those three gigantic words out when you’re ready to say them.

I don’t want you to keep it inside because you fear rejection, so I’m going to help you develop a strategy for how to tell him you love him…or figure out that it’s time to move on because he doesn’t feel the same.

Your coach,

P.S. Take my Attract the One workshop, and you might not even have to worry about how to tell him you love him. He might be the first one to utter those words!

How to Tell Him You Love Him Without Fear

Most women, in my experience, will hold back from saying anything about how they feel when they first start dating a guy. As their feelings grow, they wait to see if he’ll say the “L” word first. When he doesn’t, they come out of nowhere and profess their undying love…only to get their hearts broken.

Now, of course, this isn’t necessarily going to happen to you, but it’s all in the approach to the situation.

Before we dive into a few scenarios that will help you learn how to tell him you love him, let’s start with a high-level principle that applies universally.

The way to tell someone you love him is to show him. You do this by thinking about him, doing something special just for him, and legitimately caring about his needs. You’re not doing it so that he’ll do something back or even to make him fall for you. That’s not love.

The reverse is true, too. He communicates his love for you by showing it. Words are great, but if he’s not demonstrating how much he cares for you through his actions, it’s not love.

Here’s a rule I encourage you to live by in your relationships: never invest in a man more than he’s investing in you. You may think that if you continue to give to a man who takes, he’ll eventually reciprocate, but in my years of coaching thousands of women to help them find true love, I have never, ever found that to be true.

Now that we’ve clarified how to tell him you love him through your actions, let’s look at a few scenarios where you want to tell your guy that you love him.

Scenario A: He’s Said “I Love You” But You Haven’t Responded

He said “I love you” and you were just stunned!

Weirdly enough, this happens more than you’d think. People aren’t always on the same wavelength when it comes to love. Maybe you’re afraid of being vulnerable, or maybe you were just caught off guard when he told you.

You may feel like if you don’t say it back, you have some power. Science can back you up on this. It comes from the mating theory known as the principle of least interest, which says that the person who expresses more ambivalence about the relationship has the most power. If you don’t gush your feelings, he’s got to be the one pursuing you, and that feels good. Right?

That’s not really fair and you know it. Your relationship shouldn’t be a power struggle. If it is, you probably don’t love him.

But if you know that you do love him, tell him! There’s nothing worse for a guy than to be vulnerable enough to express love to a woman…and then she doesn’t respond. Or she says “thank you.”

Agggg.

Don’t let fear get in the way. I know you’ve been hurt in the past and all you want to do is protect your heart. But if he’s telling you he loves you and he’s showing you, give the guy a chance and let him in.

The past doesn’t equal the future. Whatever you’ve been through in your history doesn’t dictate what will happen with this man. You’re wiser for the experience. And if your gut is telling you that this guy is worth taking a leap of faith for, then do it. I’m rooting for you.

Scenario B: He’s Showing You He Loves You But Hasn’t Told You

Even if he’s not saying it, look to see if he’s showing love.

This isn’t what you want to hear, but in this scenario, the best way to learn how to tell him you love him is: be patient.

I know you want that security of him telling you that he loves you, but sometimes people take a little bit longer to say those words. You don’t know what insecurities and fears he’s struggling with, and if you try to force the issue too soon, you will scare him off.

I didn’t tell Jessica I loved her for nearly five months of serious dating. She was, naturally, pretty concerned with my turtle pace. She wouldn’t admit it at the time, but I know she was losing her patience with me.

The truth is, I knew I loved her, that she was the one for me, from the moment I met her. So why did I wait so long to say those words?

In a past relationship, I’d said those words prematurely and realized not long after that I didn’t actually feel them for that person and that the relationship needed to end. So I was a little scarred from that breakup because it didn’t go well.

Fortunately for me, Jessica is a very patient woman and let me get there in my own time. When I did finally tell her I loved her, she of course reciprocated, and I was able to open up about why it took me so long to say it.

And…a few years later, here we are: engaged!

So the moral of the story here is: be patient and you will be rewarded. But here’s a caveat: if he takes much longer than six months without saying it or showing love, then you might want to consider: is he in this relationship for the same reasons you are or for something else? You might want to talk to him to make sure you’re both still heading in the same direction (long-term, loving relationship). If not, get out before you get hurt more.

Scenario C: He Hasn’t Showed You He Loves You and He Hasn’t Told You

via GIPHY

You may be so wrapped around trying to figure out how to tell him you love him that you haven’t really paid attention to how he’s acting around you. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this relationship is doomed.

I need you to stop living your love life with a strategy of hope: hoping and praying that he’ll eventually come around and confess his love to you. Or, even worse, thinking that if you tell him you love him, he will suddenly realize that deep down, he’s always loved you. Don’t live in that fantasy.

You are too high-value to have these false expectations. You deserve better.

Back off a little from this relationship. Get a life and start finding activities that fulfill you.

If you’re in a committed relationship with this guy and he’s not showing or telling you that he loves you after a few months, then you are free to accept dates with other guys. Keep getting out there. Keep flirting. Keep your online dating profile active. Keep going on dates.

Because this guy hasn’t invested in you. So you have to stop investing in him. I know you wanted things to work out differently, but you need to be realistic about what’s going on.

Just don’t confess your love to him. It’s not going to bring him closer and you will likely feel like a fool for opening up to a man who’s not worth your love.

Conclusion:

I’m guessing that one of these scenarios was one that you could relate to. I hope you now have a clearer idea of how to tell him you love him (or move on because he’s not worth your time if he’s not showing or telling you he loves you).

Talk to me in the comments below: which of these scenarios did you relate to best? Do you now know how to tell him you love him or do you still have hesitation?

It’s my sincere hope that whatever approach you take, the result is that the two of you have a wonderful, wacky, forever relationship. That would make me incredibly happy.

If you need a little help getting there, check out my free online workshop to get the guy you want to emotionally chase after you.

The post How to Tell Him You Love Him (3 Special Ways to Steal His Heart) appeared first on Sexy Confidence.

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7 Types of Love You’ll Experience Before You Meet “The One”

You might assume that if you fall in love, it’s with “The One”.

But by this point in your life, you’ve probably loved a few men…and none of them has worked out. You remember feeling like you loved them…were you wrong? Not at all. There are actually different types of love and each is good in its own way, and you gain great experiences from each.

Why does no one tell you this?! It would be helpful to understand that not every man you fall in love with is meant to be the one you end up with.

We need a manual on love, I think.

Why Different Types of Love are Good For You

You remember being in your teens or twenties and falling head over heels for a guy. Maybe you even dreamed of that big wedding and all those kids you’d have. Now you’re older and wiser and can’t believe you ever thought you’d end up with Davey from your typewriting class.

But that doesn’t mean you didn’t love Davey. It was genuine…for that phase of your life and who you were at the time. Both your experiences and where you are in your life can impact the types of love you have, as well as your relationship with a man.

Experiencing different types of love expands your experience and helps you understand both what you want…and what you don’t want in a lasting relationship.

Let’s dive into the seven types of love you may experience. Some of them are less healthy than others, but I firmly believe that you can learn something from every type of love and every relationship you have.

1. Infatuation

Also known as puppy love, this may feel real (and super intense), but ultimately it is fleeting. It usually happens within the first few weeks of dating someone new. You’re drunk on that feeling of infatuation. You can’t get enough of the guy…and he can’t get enough of you. You may hole up in his bed for an entire weekend and your friends think you’re dead in a ditch somewhere.

But you’re having an incredible time. You’re seeing nothing but possibilities. After all, this guy could be Mr. Right, couldn’t he? You’re already thinking about the summer getaway you’ll take…and maybe, if you’re honest, about what your wedding would be like.

And if you’re having sex, this feeling of infatuation will only be magnified. But in reality, most of that is just lust.

But then…maybe you start to notice how loud his laugh is when you’re in public. Or how it’s really not all that awesome that he has no car and you have to drive him everywhere. Some of that glitter fades and you realize you have nothing in common with this man.

The bloom is off the rose, as they say.

You quickly move from being completely gaga and unable to think of anything but this man to seeing all the reasons you’re not right for one another. And that’s a good thing because you’re realizing early on that this isn’t the guy for you.

Now, don’t get me wrong: infatuation is a healthy and necessary part of finding the perfect fit. You’re bonding to one another emotionally, physically, and biochemically. And if feels freaking fantastic, doesn’t it?

What You Learn From This Type of Love: If you’ve been through a divorce or it’s been eons since you last tumbled into love, infatuation provides a useful service: it makes you feel desired and attractive again. Your memories of your marriage might be fights and his put-downs, but here’s a guy who can gaze into your eyes and make you feel like the only woman in the room. There’s definitely value in that, even if he doesn’t end up being the one you end up with forever.

2. Friendly Love

You care for this guy…just not romantically.

On paper, this guy has it all. He likes the same music. He’s got a great career. He’s kind to everyone. He treats you like a queen. He’s a great guy and you want to love him…but honestly, you feel something more like brotherly love for him.

You try to force a relationship at first. After all, what’s wrong with you? Why don’t you feel passion and attraction for this amazing man?

The thing is, no matter how “perfect” for you a man seems to be, that doesn’t make him right for you romantically. There’s a lot at work when it comes to physical, emotional, and romantic attraction, and this man clearly doesn’t check all the boxes, no matter how much you want him to.

In a study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, researchers found that men and women who were friends were more likely to stay that way than become romantically involved. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

This type of love is a great base for friendship, and who couldn’t use more friends?

What You Learn From This Type of Love: It’s a fact: you can’t force romance. Sometimes being friends is what you were destined to be, and having a male friend provides so many perks. You can better understand the opposite sex, which can help you in dating and relationships. You can get his opinion on men you’re talking to, to see if they’re genuine and good potential suitors. You can learn how to be a better communicator, and you’ll always have a plus-one for events when you don’t have a date! And you never know: if you relax and be yourself around him as a friend, things might melt back into romantic love down the road.

3. Obsessive Love

via GIPHY

This type of love might start out like infatuation, but it quickly takes a wrong turn.

You freak out when he doesn’t text you back immediately…

You wonder where he is when he’s not with you…

You get upset when he doesn’t do what you think he should.

If you admit it, you feel a bit unbalanced and unlike yourself with him. Normally you’re the one being chased in a relationship, but you are desperate to have all of his attention, and you’ll do anything to get it.

Is your attachment style anxious-preoccupied? Probably. You may spend a lot of time being anxious about this relationship. Any time he gives you attention, you feel like the sun is shining on you. When he doesn’t, you feel like things are doomed.

In an obsessive love relationship, you may have low self-esteem, jealousy, and/or a need to control, even if these aren’t your normal ways of being in a relationship. There’s just some cocktail of chemicals and emotions with this guy that’s making you completely out of whack.

Pay attention, because obsessive love can be a serious disorder that needs to be treated with medication or psychotherapy. But it doesn’t have to be to that degree for it to negatively impact your life.

What You Learn From This Type of Love: This isn’t love! Any man that you look to for your source of happiness isn’t the right one. You may need to spend some time alone so that you learn how to be happy by yourself before getting into your next relationship.

It’s also a good lesson that you can’t control anything in life.

4. Codependent Love

You may make each other miserable, but you think you need one another.

Here’s another type of love that isn’t necessarily good for you.

With codependent love, one or both of you have unhealthy behaviors that the other is fostering. Shawn Meghan Burn, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the California Polytechnic State University at San Luis Obispo, defines codependent love like this:

“I prefer to think of codependent relationships as a specific type of dysfunctional helping relationship. Broadly speaking, in dysfunctional helping relationships, one person’s help supports (enables) the other’s underachievement, irresponsibility, immaturity, addiction, procrastination, or poor mental or physical health.”

You may have explosive arguments. Drug or alcohol use. Abuse. Lying. Cheating.

Despite all of this negativity, you feel like you won’t find better. That you need this person to survive. That, in some twisted way, you’re good for each other.

This isn’t love, either. It’s drama, and believe me, sexy, confident lady, you can and will find better.

What You Learn From This Type of Love: There’s a lesson in everything, isn’t there? I think the lesson in codependent love is that you need to feel needed…just not like this. Whatever the bad behavior is, it masks bigger issues in the relationship that you need to work on by yourself before moving into your next healthy relationship.

5. Unrequited Love

He’s put you in the friend zone…but you want more.

I think we’ve all experienced this at some point in our lives: you have feelings for someone who doesn’t return them.

You aren’t in a relationship, but might be friends. It might be the Harry to your Sally, and you’re wondering when you’ll turn into a couple just like they did in the movies (I curse rom-coms for giving women an unrealistic expectation of romance!).

He seems perfect for you…so why doesn’t he feel the same?

Realize that you may be inflating how great this guy is simply because you can’t have him. It’s the whole “grass is greener” thing. Because he isn’t interested, he’s the more appealing. Try to step back and look at him for who he is. You might realize that he’s not all that compatible with you.

You may never even tell the object of your affections that you have feelings for him, though if you do, at least you know whether he feels the same or not. Otherwise, you’ll always wonder.

What You Learn From This Type of Love: This type of love teaches you what love shouldn’t feel like: it needs to be two-sided to thrive.

6. All-You Love

You give, give, give and get nothing in return.

Here’s another one-sided kind of love. You’re in a relationship, but you’re the one giving everything.

You sacrifice, you compromise. He takes.

You let him pick the restaurant whenever you go out because he’s pickier than you about where you eat.

Or, when he tells you he has a job offer across the country, you swallow your sadness about uprooting your life and leaving your friends and go to support him.

Your friends don’t understand why you’re with him because they don’t see him sacrificing or giving anything to you. But you’re so in love that you don’t see it.

Sadly, this relationship won’t last forever because eventually, you will run out of things to give. Just like a plant, you need things to thrive. Instead of sunlight, air, and water, you need love, affection, and selflessness. Without him giving those things, you will wither and your love will die.

What You Learn From This Type of Love: It’s beautiful to give in a relationship, but it needs to be balanced. You will realize your own self-worth and that you deserve someone who is just as eager as you are to contribute to the relationship.

7. Healthy Love

This type of love is worth waiting for!

Ahh, finally! The crème de la crème of love. Healthy, true love is worth waiting for. It means you’re in a relationship where you are partners, where you equally give to one another.

There’s no jealousy. No lying. No obsession.

He never makes you feel dumb or out of your league. There’s no drama.

While infatuation probably happened on your journey to healthy love, things have settled down a bit now. While you adore spending time with your man, you also balance it with alone time and being with your friends. You’re able to be genuine with him and have opened up to him in ways you haven’t in past relationships.

All these other types of love helped you get here, but now you see what the big deal is and how it’s different from all others. It’s that moment that you think, “OH! I see what the big deal is!”

You’ve learned lessons on your journey to true love so that you know what is and isn’t acceptable in a relationship. You’ve learned a ton about who you are, and have found happiness within rather than looking for it from another person. That makes you whole and completely ready for a real relationship that is right for you.

What You Learn From This Type of Love: You may have struggled to try to be yourself with a partner in the past, which is understandable, since none of them were right for you. Now you can relax, knowing that this man truly sees you for who you are.

Conclusion:

I don’t want you to discount any man you ever thought you loved as being irrelevant. I truly believe that every relationship we are in, every emotion we feel, is valid and useful. Sure, you might have been 15, 20, or 30 when you thought you were in love but did your age make those feelings irrelevant?

Think of it like this: right now, whatever age you are, you are the smartest you’ve been and have had more life experiences than you ever had in the past. But in 10 years, you’ll have even more and be even smarter. Does that invalidate what you feel today? Of course not.

Rather than thinking that there is one true love for you in your life, be open to the fact that you’ve probably loved many men in different ways. And those experiences led you to where you are and how you are capable of having a healthy love today.

Talk to me! Which of these types of love have you experienced? Have you found a healthy love yet? Leave a comment below.

Still looking for that healthy love? Sign up for my Attract the One online workshop to discover the three steps to get the right man to pursue you and only you!

The post 7 Types of Love You’ll Experience Before You Meet “The One” appeared first on Sexy Confidence.

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What Guys Like: 9 Phrases that Will Drive Him Wild

If it’s been a while since you last dated, you might feel like a fish out of water trying to figure out what guys like. What worked when you were 20 doesn’t feel right anymore, nor are you willing to pretend to be a dumb blonde so a man will like you.

So…what DO guys like at this age?

The key is owning where you are in your life right now and using that to attract a man. But…given that I’m a man, I may have a little more insight into what guys like than you feel like you do, and I am happy to share what I know with you.

What Guys Like at This Age

If you’re no longer a young girl who is insecure and acts the way she thinks a man wants her to, then the guys you date should also no longer be immature 20-year-olds (unless you’re into that). The men you date should appreciate a self-confident woman who knows who she is.

So here is what a mature man wants to hear from a sexy, confident woman like you.

1. “I Like You.”

No one likes playing games at this point in life, and you shouldn’t either. Instead, be bold and honest about your feelings. You’ll get a lot further in dating if you open up about how you feel and what you’re looking for.

And if he’s not looking for the same, at least you can find out early on rather than building up feelings for him, only to find out that he’s really not looking for a relationship right now.

Now, I get that making yourself vulnerable might be difficult for you. We all have relationship baggage of one kind or another, and you might find it challenging to talk about how you feel. But if you’re serious about finding love again (or for the first time), then I encourage you to push yourself out of your comfort zone and open up.

2. “Sorry, I’m Busy Tomorrow.”

Hmm. When can you fit him in?

Telling the man you’re interested in that you’re busy shows you’re not waiting around for him. You have a life.

But don’t just pretend to have plans if he asks you out. Actually have them. Most men are attracted to women who are independent because they have full lives and aren’t looking for a man to fill some void. On the other hand, a woman who ditches her friends to hang out with a guy, or who is always available, is one that may end up being clingy or needy, and that’s not attractive.

What guys like is a woman they’ve got to work just a little bit harder to be with and to get on her calendar.

3. “Can I Pay?”

There’s no rule when it comes to who pays for a date. Even in modern times, 80% of people think the guy should pay on a first date, but that doesn’t mean you have to let him.

I don’t know a man who wouldn’t be pleased to have a woman ask if she can pay for the date or at least contribute. He might not let her (some guys just want to pay), but he’ll like that she offered.

If you ask him out, you can insist that it’s your treat. Or, at the very least, you can cover the tip or buy dessert.

Offering to pay shows that you’re looking for equal footing in a relationship, not that you want a man who will wine and dine you without you ever returning the favor.

4. “Tell Me More.”

via GIPHY

Having someone take interest in what they’re saying isn’t just what guys like; all people like it. But if you’re trying to show a man that you’re into him, one of the best ways to do it is to really listen to him.

It’s easy to do on a first date. After all, your stomach is full of butterflies and you just keep thinking about how perfect this guy is for you. But it gets harder to be an active listener the longer you’ve been dating. Still, it’s important to continue to listen, respond, and ask questions about the man you’re into.

Harry Weger, Jr., Ph.D. published an article called “The relative effectiveness of active listening in initial interactions” in the International Journal of Listening, and he says:

“Feeling understood by another person is a very basic part of feeling accepted and valued as a person and it’s a building block for relationships of all kinds.”

So if there’s any potential for this to turn into something long-term, you need to engage with this man by caring (genuinely) about what he has to say.

5. “You Turn Me On.”

Another area that it’s important to be a good communicator in is the bedroom. You might feel like this guy lights you up from head to toe when he does that one thing to you…but does he know how much he satisfies you?

You might think that your moans and screams are a good indicator that he’s hitting the mark during sex, but not all men can tell when a woman orgasms or is otherwise pleased. Also, some women fake it, so a man can never really be sure.

So don’t be stingy with the compliments. Let him know when he does a good job.

And let him know what turns you on. That could be anything from that cologne that he sometimes wears to when he touches the small of your back. Letting him know what you like means that he’ll do more of it!

6. “I Don’t Need a Man.”

While you’d like to have a man in your life, you’re independent with or without one.

So you don’t need to say this outright in case it comes off as a bit tough, but you do want to communicate that you’re independent. You don’t need him…but you want him in your world.

If this one isn’t resonating with you yet, let’s dive into that. Do you feel like you need a man to be happy or successful in life? I know that’s not true. You have thrived on your own, even if it’s just been a short while. You can change lightbulbs and kill spiders without the help of a man. You can be happy without one.

And you need to be happy on your own. Because no man will be able to make you happy 100%. Yes, he can bring happiness to your world, but if you’re already fulfilled with your friends and your life, then he can only add to that magic.

In other words: set up your life so that you’re happy as things are before a man enters it. Then when the right guy does come along, you’re not trying to fill a void with him (trust me: that never works out).

What guys like is to see that you are self-sufficient and not needy. He’ll want to be a part of your world even more in that case.

7. “I Miss You.”

This is another one of those being vulnerable moments.

If you haven’t spent time with this man in a while, you might be tempted to let him think you’re going on other dates or are just super busy and don’t have time to think of him. But what reaction are you hoping to get from that attitude? Jealousy, or worse, withdrawal. Would you want him to treat you that way?

What would happen if you opened up and told him you missed him? That you’d love to see him again soon? You’d make him happy. You’d make him scramble to make plans with you as soon as possible.

Which of these two scenarios is what you really want? Which do you think lays a better foundation for a future with this man?

8. “Let’s [Insert Activity Here.]”

Take initiative and plan your next date.

Is he the one who usually makes plans for the two of you to do something? Maybe he loves doing the planning, but I’m willing to bet he’d be happy to discover that you’re not expecting him to always come up with a plan to go out.

Come up with some innovative ideas for a date. Think about what he’s told you and use that in your planning. Maybe he mentioned that he’s never gone kayaking but would love to try. Find a kayak rental company, check this weekend’s forecast, and make the suggestion.

Or maybe the last date you went on was in a noisy bar and next time, you’d like to go somewhere quieter where you can really get to know one another. You could suggest a private picnic in the park.

If you haven’t yet been intimate, but you’re ready, invite him over for dinner at your house (where it’s easy to transition to the bedroom).

Just show him that you don’t expect him to do all the creative date planning.

9. “I’m Game.”

You’re willing to try new things, so let him know. That might be having Ethiopian food for the first time, rock climbing at his gym, or going on a road trip together.

I’m not saying you need to turn into Ms. Spontaneous if you’re more of a planner, but you should be open to new experiences. What guys want is a woman who will at least try something once rather than being shut off to something she’s never experienced.

If this is making you uncomfortable, certainly don’t agree to try something you don’t want to do just to impress a man. But try taking baby steps. If you’ve never had sushi, you don’t have to go straight to raw fish. Try vegetarian maki and see how it tastes. You might surprise yourself and actually like it!

Conclusion:

Above all, what guys want is for you to be who you are. If you’re not adventurous, or offering to pay isn’t your style, don’t do it. But find the confidence to be authentic because the right man will love absolutely everything about you.

If you’re starting a relationship or just dating someone, you lay the foundation for a solid future if you are genuine in your actions. Don’t be afraid of scaring him off: if you do, he wasn’t right for you anyway.

Have faith that there is the perfect man out there for you. YOU will drive him wild…simply by being yourself!

Share in the comments below: what else have you found that drives men wild?

Do you realize you already have the power to get commitment from a man…if you really want it? Unlock the secrets of getting the right man to commit with my exclusive free commitment training.

The post What Guys Like: 9 Phrases that Will Drive Him Wild appeared first on Sexy Confidence.

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15 Good Morning Texts for Him to Make Him Want You

As you get into the routine of texting a man you’re interested in, you’ll start to notice certain patterns. There are texts in the morning…maybe during your lunch break…and then before you go to bed. Getting into a routine with texting is a good thing! But you don’t want him to always be the one starting a text conversation with you. In this article, I’m going to give you some sample good morning texts for him to make him want you, in case you need a little inspiration!

Each section below is tailored toward whatever specific situation you’re in:

You connected on a dating app but haven’t met in person yet

Once you’ve had your first date

After you’ve had sex

When you want to take the relationship further

Once you’re settled into a relationship

Keep in mind, these are just example good morning texts for him! I encourage you to customize them however you want.

Good Morning Texts for Him If You’re Just Starting to Talk

If you’ve met on a dating app and are in that fun getting-to-know-you phase, keep it light and focus on creating consistency in your texts. It’s nice to establish that rhythm of texting one another first thing in the morning at this point.

While you’re working on getting to know one another, the first text of the day probably shouldn’t do a deep dive into a conversation. After all, he’s either still half asleep or is getting ready for work. Keep it simple and upbeat. Focus on writing something that requires a response.

Here are some examples:

“Hey, cutie! What’s on your plate today?”

It’s easy-breezy. You’re really just looking to start a conversation. But hey, if the question opens the door to him saying he’s free in the evening, you might just end up with a date tonight!

“Morning! Today’s your big presentation at work, right?”

A text like this is designed to show him that you’re paying attention to what he tells you. The more interest you show, the more connection he feels to you.

“Good morning! I know you’re going to crush it today!”

This is a good supportive text, and it lays the foundation for him thinking of you as good girlfriend material. You’re already cheering for him with whatever he’s got going on, whether it’s a job interview or a soccer game.

Why a Good Morning Text is important: This early in the game, you want to make sure you stay on his mind. You show that he’s on yours by carefully crafting what you say to him first thing in the day, and you increase the likelihood of him asking you out on a date.

Texts for Him After Your First Date

Had a great time on the date? Let him know!

So you’ve gone out with this man and boy, did sparks fly. Maybe you kissed him…maybe you didn’t…but either way, you’re eager to see what’s next with him.

The key here is to let him know you’re totally into him. A lot of times, you’re just processing information on a first date, and you aren’t really sure what to make of it. Sometimes you just need to sleep on it to realize that yeah, you want to see him again…soon. He may feel the same way, so getting that message from you will move things along.

Don’t be shy to be a little more open with your feelings in these good morning texts for him.

“Hey there! Can’t get last night’s kiss off my mind…”

Just go straight for the kill. Bring up that kiss to get the conversation centered around the attraction you felt last night on that date. He’ll dig it.

“Morning! I dreamed of those tacos we had yesterday. I’m already ready for more!”

If you’re not so forward and want to ease into talking about that smooch (or not), then bring up a highlight from the date. Just a note: if anything went bad (the food was terrible), don’t bring that up or you’ll seem like you’re complaining. Not the way you want to start his day.

“Good morning! Thanks again for such a wonderful evening. You really are a gentleman. Even opened my car door for me!” 😍

If you didn’t text him after the date last night to thank him for it (which is totally acceptable to do, in my mind), first thing the next morning is the time to do it. Focus on complimenting him for what you liked on the date. In this case, it’s opening your car door for you. This will reinforce that behavior on future dates!

Why a Good Morning Text is important: You still need to reinforce your interest. It’s early days. He may be going on first dates with several women (it sucks, but it does happen), so you want to stand out and have him move you to the top of the list…or better yet, get rid of the competition!

Good Morning Texts After You’ve Been Intimate

via GIPHY

It’s funny how having sex with someone new kinda changes the dynamic between the two of you. Where there might have been sexual tension before, or you might have been more closed off, after you’ve been intimate, you just feel closer and more comfortable with one another.

This is a great opportunity to loosen up in your texts, or even light a little fire in some of them. You don’t have to sext to do it, though! (Though if you’re into sexting, you’re far from alone: 88% of adults have done it.) Here are a few good morning texts you can send.

“Mmm. I dreamed about you. There were no clothes involved…”

This will wake him right up (in more ways than one). You can choose to let his mind wander about what exactly your dream entailed (maybe you didn’t even really have one about him, but he doesn’t have to know that, does he?)…or you can text him details…or promise to show him in person when you see him again.

“Morning. If I didn’t have to go to work today, do you know what I’d do to you?”

This makes him feel like he’s missing out on something great. What would you do to him? All day, his mind will wander. He’ll get nothing done. And you better believe he’s going to make plans with you tonight to find out!

“Hiya! I’m still blushing about what happened last night…”

If you aren’t comfortable taking the sexy vixen route with your texts, play a little schoolgirl innocence. Let him feel like you’re shy and he’s bringing out something new in you.

Why a Good Morning Text is important: These texts give him reassurance that he’s pleasing you, and make him look forward to seeing you again.

Texts for When You Want to Advance the Relationship

Early morning texts can help you strengthen the relationship!

So you’ve been dating a few weeks and you’re hoping this will turn into a relationship. It’s time to open up even more with your texts.

“Morning cutie! The highlight of my morning is texting you before work. 😘“

Letting him know that you value these morning texts also subconsciously tells him how much you value him and your relationship. You might take it for granted that he knows how much you like hearing from him in the morning, but he might not, so a text like this is a good way to communicate it.

“Morning! I was thinking about how good we are together as I fell asleep. I think we make a pretty good team.”

You may be shy about talking to him about the fact that you want a relationship with him, so a text like this paves the way to it happening, with or without a conversation. Focus on highlighting what makes the two of you compatible in your texts.

“I woke up with you on my mind…”

Again, you just want to communicate that you’re thinking about him, day and night. If he asks what you were thinking about, figure out what direction you want to take that conversation. Were you thinking about how considerate he is? How sexy? How much you enjoy being with him?

Why a Good Morning Text is important: Creating consistency is part of a good relationship. You’re building a foundation for the future and you’re letting him know with gentle nudges that you’re ready for more.

Good Morning Texts for Him Once You’re in a Relationship

Texting first thing in the morning can keep your love alive.

Texting each morning shouldn’t end once you establish a relationship. If anything, it’s even more important to keep the spark lit. It’s all too easy to take one another for granted, but keeping up these daily texts gives you an opportunity to think about and communicate what matters to you about your relationship and what you appreciate about him.

“Morning babe! I just want to say how much I appreciate your support when I’m going through a tough time. It means a lot to me.”

Maybe you cried on his shoulder last night about something that happened at work. It’s important to let him know how much you value him being there for you. This will also inspire him to be supportive even more!

“Good morning, sunshine! Just want to tell you how lucky I feel to have found you. XO”

The longer you are in a relationship, the easier it is to forget to let your boyfriend know how in love with him you are. Saying “I love you” is good, but good morning texts for him like this deepen that connection that you have.

“Howdy! I’m sad that you’re not in bed next to me, but happy that you’re in my life.”

This is another example of how you can express your appreciation and love for the man in your life. It may take effort to come up with something sweet to text—and communication may not be your strong suit. But I just encourage you to write from the heart. If you’ve got a sweet thought in your head, share it with him!

Why a Good Morning Text is important: You want to let him know how much you appreciate and care about him to nurture the relationship. Modify these for your specific situation.

Good Morning Texts NOT to Send Him

We’ve gone through some examples of texts that your guy will be pretty stoked to get, but let’s cover a few ground rules for what you don’t want to do when you text him first thing in the morning.

“Hello?! Why didn’t you respond to me last night?!”

Especially if you haven’t been dating the guy that long, this text is going to rub him the wrong way. I get that you might be upset that he didn’t reply to you, but there are a million possible reasons why he didn’t. He could have gone to bed early. Been out with friends. Or yes, gone out with another woman. If you’re not exclusive, you have no claim on him. Just chill. Find a better way to greet him.

“Hi!!! Had a great time last night! When do you want to go out again?!!”

If you had your first date last night, I get that you’re eager to go out with him again. And probably he is, too. But it never hurts to play a little hard to get. Allow some space between your date and planning the next one. I’m all for you being assertive and asking him out, but wait a few days. You don’t want to seem overeager.

“Hi Ted! Can’t wait to see you tonight!”

This text seems fine, right? Unless you’re texting BILL, who you’re NOT going out with tonight! If you’re dating multiple men, make sure to take the time to proofread the text and doublecheck who you’re texting. You’ll probably miss an opportunity with Bill if you call him by the wrong name!

Conclusion:

It can take a bit of practice to get good at texting a man. And each situation I covered in this article is one that requires a slightly different strategy. You’ll find your rhythm, and you’ll figure out what kinds of texts a man responds best to. What worked with the last guy may fall flat with this one, so expect to do a little customization based on the current man’s personality.

So talk to the Sexy Confidence community: what kinds of good morning texts for him have you found to be effective? Leave a comment below!

Need more inspiration to up your texting game? Download my Love Texting Report to get more texts you can copy and paste!

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8 Online Dating Profile Examples to Attract Men

So you’ve bitten the bullet and created an online dating account…but now you have no clue what to write or what kind of pictures to post! You’re looking for online dating profile examples to attract men to inspire you, and you’ve come to the right place!

Online Dating Profile Examples to Get You Started

Look, I get that online dating can be intimidating. Meeting someone online? Ick. What happened to the good old days of meeting a guy in Statistics class?

Well, you’ve got to accept the fact that meeting a man looks differently now than it did when you were in college. Between work, home, and the occasional girls’ night with your friends, where can you meet a man?

Yeah. It’s tough.

But online dating can be great if you give it a chance. Hey, this should perk you up: 40% of couples meet online!

Let’s look at some tips to help you with your profile, as well as some online dating profile examples that will help inspire you.

1. Start with a Killer Intro

And I don’t mean, “Hey there. Just checking this out.”

That’s a surefire way to get zero likes on your profile. Your intro is just that: an introduction to who you are. It’s meant to draw in a man that’s the right fit for you.

Some dating apps, like Bumble, only let you write a short intro. Others, like OKCupid, also ask you questions to help you show potential dates what you’re really like.

In either situation, you need to draw the reader in from the start. Not sure how to do that? Browse through some men’s profiles and see what stands out. Probably it’s the ones that give you at least a general idea of what the guy is like that appeal to you.

Try to summarize yourself in a few sentences (it’s hard, I know!). Be witty if you can. Pick a few things that make you interesting. Here’s an example:

I’m a sweet Southern girl with a kick of sass. I prefer bourbon to chardonnay and football to knitting. Looking for a man who can teach me something (good luck! I know pretty much everything! :))

2. Pick Your Best Photo First

Use photos you feel good in.

I know a lot of women who agonize about what photos to put on their online dating profile. My tip? Choose ones you feel good in. You should look at the photo of yourself and be happy with how you look and how you felt when you took it.

Include 4-6 photos to show some diversity. Include:

1 selfie

1 group shot

1 full body shot

1 doing something interesting (hiking, traveling, being silly)

What you don’t want to do:

Post all group shots so men don’t know which one is you

Post a duckface photo (not sexy)

Post all photos with you wearing sunglasses (men want to see your eyes!)

Post a pic where you’re wearing low-cut or sexy clothes. Don’t give the wrong impression!

3. Answer the Questions

The more questions you answer, the better the match!

Like I said: some sites (like OKCupid) ask a ton of questions to help find men you’re compatible with. Be honest!

There are questions about dating and relationships, sex, religion, and even politics. You don’t have to answer all of them if you’d rather not have certain things public (like maybe whether you’re 420-friendly or not). But the more questions you answer, the better these sites can show you who has compatible answers.

Typically a site like Match or OKCupid will calculate how much of what’s in your profile aligns with a man’s, and you’re given the best matches. You might or might not want to meet with any of those, but at least you know you have some things in common.

4. Don’t Write About What You Don’t Want!

Some women get frustrated with online dating and vent in their profiles about all the bad men out there (men do it too). This is a big no-no!

I understand that you may want to make it clear what you’re not looking for (a gym rat, a hookup), but you’re better off focusing on what you are looking for so you can attract it. That’s the power of positive thinking that I talked about when I told you to make a list of characteristics you want in a man, remember?

Here’s an online dating profile example of what you shouldn’t write in yours:

If you’re just going to swipe without reading my profile, then move on. I’m not looking for a guy who starts a conversations with just ‘hey.’ Show some ba!!s, men!

I get that you might be frustrated with the process of trying to find Mr. Right, but you don’t want to come off as angry and aggressive, do you?

5. Write Mini Paragraphs

via GIPHY

It’s been a while since high school English, so you may not feel like your writing skills are as sharp these days. Add to that the fact that our attention spans are insanely short, and no man is going to want to read a wall of text on your profile.

Instead, break up the content into short paragraphs so that they’re easy to digest. You could have one on:

Things you like (beer, sushi, reading)

Things you’ve done (climb Everest, started a business)

What you’re looking for (relationship, man with no kids)

Here’s another online dating profile example to help you write your own:

Who I am: Artist. Beer drinker. Sushi lover. Mindful. Lover of the Oxford comma. Reader.

I love traveling like a local, getting out of my comfort zone. Browsing the grocery store in another country for gems. Reminiscing by looking at the photos I take on a trip.

Who you are: not allergic to the word “date” or “relationship.” Witty. Open-minded. Not a serial-killer (or a cereal killer!).

6. Ask a Question to Start the Conversation

So part of online dating is being okay with starting a conversation with a complete stranger that you’ve matched with. Some sites let either person send a message, while others like Bumble require the woman to get the party started.

Don’t be nervous!

The best way to start a conversation (and keep it going) is to ask a question. No, not “Hi! How are you?”

Look at his profile and come up with something intelligent you can ask. Here are some examples:

“Hey Luke! I see that photo of you on Mt. Suvia. Was that before the fire? I’ve been wanting to get back out there…”

“I see you’re interested in cooking. What’s your go-to dish?”

“That’s cool that you’ve been to Croatia! I’m going this summer. Any tips?”

Side note: don’t be disappointed if a man doesn’t message you back. Sadly, some men swipe right or like every profile on a dating site like it’s some sort of game, and it disappoints women who are actually interested in getting to know them when they don’t respond.

Studies show that when women send the first message, they get a response about 50% of the time. So don’t pin all your hopes on that hot blond fireman responding. Keep looking at profiles and swiping on anyone you think is interesting. The right man will respond to your message.

7. Don’t Be Cliché

You may want to show off your yoga moves, but find something more stand-out.

You probably don’t know what other women are posting on their profiles in terms of photos or what they say in the intro. Let me clue you in: a ton of women post pics of them doing yoga or on hiking on a mountain.

Stand out. Maybe put up a photo of you belting out karaoke or hanging with friends at a lantern festival. Think about what unique experiences you’ve had or places you’ve been that you’d love to spark a conversation and post those.

8. Have a Friend Review Your Profile

It can be scary to hit ‘publish’ on your online dating profile without really knowing what men will think of it, so ask a friend (male would be ideal) to review it and give constructive feedback.

You might not realize that you dive waaay too deep into the type of man you’re looking for in your profile, which may be a turnoff to men. Knowing this, you can edit it down.

Conclusion:

Dating apps and online dating can be fun if you have the right attitude about them. Look at them as an opportunity to get to know different types of men and practice your flirting game.

And if you do meet a great guy, you can tell everyone that online dating does work for finding love!

I hope that these online dating profile examples are helpful as you write your own intro, post pictures, and send that first message.

Talk to me in the comments below: have you found online dating profile examples that have helped you create your own?

Here’s something special just for you: my Attract the One online workshop is free for a limited time. Over my career, I have taught over 30 million women around the world how to be more successful with men, and now I want to show you, too! Sign up while this offer is still available!

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9 Scientifically Proven Ways to Make Him Addicted to You

So you’ve just started dating a man who you think has real potential. Now you want to make him addicted to you so he’s just as excited about a future together as you are. But…how in the heck do you do that?

How to Make Him Addicted to You

This guy likes you…but you want to make him addicted to you so that he can’t get enough of your awesome self! But if you are back in the dating pool after years or even decades, you may not feel like you’re on top of your game when it comes to entrancing men.

Allow me to provide a few tips to get you started. Trust me, lady, you got this.

1. Show Him that He Turns You On

Whether you’ve been intimate with this guy yet or are just heading in that direction, he needs to know that he’s got the power to arouse you.

It might be the things he says…

…or what he wears…

…or the way he touches you.

Whatever it is, make sure you let him know that he turns you on. You can tell him so directly, or respond in more subtle (or not so subtle) ways. If he rubs your knee and it makes you purr (go ahead and purr!), caress his arm and smile.

Men—just like women—like compliments, and giving them lets him know you want more of whatever it is that he’s doing to arouse you.

2. Exude Confidence

There’s a reason my site is called Sexy Confidence: I truly believe that confidence is the sexiest tool a woman has in her dating tool belt. It goes both ways: think about these two types of men:

One is shy and constantly caves his shoulders in like he’s trying to hide. He’s hard to talk to.

The other always takes up space in the room and makes eye contact with everyone. He smiles a lot and makes you feel like you’re the only woman in the world.

Which one is more appealing? I’m going to guess it’s the confident one. Self-confidence not only helps you lead a happy life, but it also makes you more appealing to others. If he sees how you don’t need his or anyone else’s approval and that you forge your own path, that will make him addicted to you like nothing else.

If you don’t feel 100% in the confidence department, work on it. Everyone is capable of increasing their self-confidence. You just need the right tools and a willingness to change. (Psst, try my 21 Days to Sexy Confidence program)

3. Be Genuinely Interested in His Hobbies and Thoughts

If you pay attention, he’ll pay attention!

I almost called this section Make Him Feel Like a Rock Star because that’s kinda what you need to to do make him addicted to you! The thing is, it has to be authentic because if you fake interest, he will sense it immediately.

You can start with active listening. You need to completely dedicate yourself to the conversation. No phones. No looking around the room. He’ll feel your energy if you’re completely absorbed in what he’s saying.

Next, repeat things he’s said. So here’s a scenario:

Him: “So I’m taking a guys’ trip to Vegas in a few weeks.”

You: “Vegas, huh? This is your annual trip with your best friends from college, right?”

In this example, you’re showing that you were paying attention when he told you last week about this annual trip. He feels like you’re really paying attention and retaining information. This is irresistible to any man, trust me.

You can also get his opinion. Maybe you’re in a fight with your best friend and you want his insight. Ask his thoughts and thank him for his two cents.

4. Be Vulnerable with Him

When you open up to a man, you’re communicating that you trust him enough to tell him things that you hold dear. That might be about your insecurities, a bad past relationship, or how you feel about him.

Listen, I suspect it might be hard for you to be vulnerable with a man after the experiences you’ve had in past relationships. But if you’re serious about finding love again (and I think you are), then this is something you’re going to have to work on. Not only will it make you irresistible to him, but it will also help you heal past pain and open your heart to new love.

Start by sharing something small with him. It might be how it makes you smile to get a text from him first thing every morning. Gradually open up more and more over time.

5. Act Like the Prize You Are

via GIPHY

You know you’re a catch, don’t you? I hope you do. You may be down because you’ve gone out with other men and it didn’t work out, but let me just set you straight: that had nothing to do with how desirable or wonderful you were or weren’t. It simply wasn’t meant to be with those men.

If this man is worth it, it’s important that you know your own self worth. That will help you boost your confidence, but it will also make him wildly attracted to you.

Because you aren’t going to put up with a man who shows up for a date an hour late…

…because you aren’t interested in playing games…

…because you don’t need this man. You may want him though…:)

When you know that you’re a prize, you let him do the work to win you. Let him come to you. Don’t be so eager that it pushes him away. Go on with your fabulous life, and he’ll want to be a part of it.

6. Be Available…But Not Too Available

This tip on how to make him addicted to you rides the coattails of the last tip. If you’re available every single time he texts, calls, or wants to go out with you, it won’t feel like much of a challenge.

But if you wait to respond to a text or let him know that you’re busy Friday night, he’ll want to become a priority to you so that you allocate more of your time to him.

I’m not at all advocating that you play games with the guy, waiting exactly 1 hour and 13 minutes before responding to a text. I just don’t want you to center your world around hearing from him and immediately responding.

So put your phone on silent. Charge it in another room.

Make plans with your friends. Continue to do the things you love. Fit him in when you have time.

If you’re truly living a full life, it won’t be hard for you to be less available for a man.

7. Let Your Intelligence Shine (Without Flaunting It)

Let your smarts shine! The right man will love it.

“Adam, I’m smart and I know it. But it feels like men are intimidated by intelligent women, so sometimes I feel like I should dumb myself down to attract a guy. Help!”

This makes me sad. I absolutely agree: some men can’t handle smart (or confident or strong) women, but listen to me: these are not the men for you.

There is a guy out there who will be so turned on by your intelligence, you’ll want to step it up, not hide it. If the guy you’re with is making you feel like he’s threatened by your smarts, he’s not right for you.

While I encourage you to let your intelligence shine, don’t use it as a tool to impress him or give yourself the upper hand. If you start talking about the evolution of phytoplankton and his eyes glaze over, find something else to discuss.

8. Be Authentic

If you’re divorced and dating again, you may feel like you don’t really know who you are. You’re certainly not the girl who last dated in her 20s. I get that you may play around with different dating styles (should you have a casual fling? can you date more than one man at a time?), but deep down, you know who you are.

Let him see your true self. Don’t feel like you need to mask your quirks and weirdness. The right guy will fall in love with you because of those things, not in spite of them.

9. Show You’re Ga Ga for Him in Subtle Ways

Let him know how he makes you feel.

Whenever you hear his ringtone, you feel butterflies in your stomach. When you kiss him, you feel like you’re floating. You might feel like these things are obvious to him, but they’re probably not.

So let him know. Share how you feel when you’re with him, and you’ll make him addicted to you.

Conclusion:

I could have summed up this entire article in a single sentence:

Make him addicted to you by being who you are.

Because it doesn’t take tricks or makeup or a low-cut shirt to get a guy to want you. If the chemistry is right, the two of you will become addicted to one another, and then you’ll have a beautiful love story together.

So tell me in the comments below: how have you made a man addicted to you?

Need a little more help? Sign up for this webinar that will teach you detailed steps on how to attract a fantastic guy.

The post 9 Scientifically Proven Ways to Make Him Addicted to You appeared first on Sexy Confidence.

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Dating a Younger Man? Here are 13 Things You Should Know

Dating a younger man? It can be fun, especially if you’re 40 or older and figuring out what you want in terms of dating and relationships. But realize: dating a younger man is definitely different from dating a man your age or even older. There will be things you like (his energy) and things that drive you crazy (the fact that he has no clue who Max Headroom is).

Tips for Dating a Younger Man

Some women exclusively date younger men: in fact, 31% of older women prefer dating younger men. Others may try it once or twice and decide that it’s not for them. There’s no telling which way you’ll feel about dating an older man until you have your own experience.

Here are a few of the things you should be aware of if you do.

1. He’ll Have a Different Perspective

Michelle, who’s 40, went on a date with the younger man she was seeing; they went out for a trivia night at a local brewery.

A question about Max Headroom came up.

“Who’s Max Headroom?” her date asked.

“Are you kidding me?” Michelle wondered.

Later, a question about the Care Bears was asked. Again, her date was clueless. Because he wasn’t even born when these ’80s pop culture icons were popular, he had no reference for them.

They went their separate ways not long after. Coincidence? Maybe…

Realize that in dating a much younger man, you won’t share many cultural references. A man four years younger than you, sure, will get much of the same things you do, but one around 10 years younger probably won’t.

And you might not get his either. You might hate the music and movies he’s into. It’s a generational divide, and you need to figure out how important it is to you to share cultural references or not.

2. He May Have a Different Sex Drive

It could be fun to date a man with a high sex drive!

While it’s not a blanket statement, younger men tend to have higher sex drives than men in their 40s, 50s, 60s, or older. In a study published in the Journal of Sex Research, female participants found that younger men (at least 5 years younger than them) had higher sex drives, could last longer during sex, were physically ready to have sex again sooner, and had more reliable erections than men their age.

If you’re coming into your sexual peak at whatever age you are, you are probably finding that men your age aren’t as eager to hop in bed quite as often as you are, which can leave you wanting more.

By dating a younger man, however, you may meet your match.

The opposite could be true too, so be aware of that. If sex has taken a back burner in importance in your life, you may disappoint a younger man who still wants to get it on fairly regularly.

3. He May Never Have Been Married or in a Long Relationship

You were married for 20 years…his longest relationship was six months. It may be jarring to meet someone who’s never had a long-term relationship (even if he hasn’t ever been married), and it’s something to be aware of if you hope that this will turn into something more serious.

If he doesn’t have experience in a longer relationship, he may not know how to make one work. And as you know, real relationships take work. How you treat one another, what you say, and what you do all matter.

You may quickly find that this man doesn’t know how to argue constructively and deal with the real issue at hand rather than screaming at you.

He may want to give up the first time things get tough.

He may have trouble opening up to you.

Or…he may so desperately want this to work out that he tries too hard.

He may be looking for a wife, while you’re not ready to go down that road again.

Just be aware that dating a younger man who doesn’t have the long-term relationship experience that you do may mean that you have to work harder to get to a good place, or that it will be too difficult to find even ground in a relationship together.

4. He May Want Kids

If you’re past wanting kids, let him know asap.

Your kids are nearly grown and you’re not interested in having more. Or maybe you can’t. But then you meet a man—a really great man—who says that he’d like to start a family one day.

Sadly, when only one of you wants to have kids, this can be a real dealbreaker. Realize that neither of you will likely change your mind and that it wouldn’t be fair for one of you to compromise what you want (who wants to have a kid with someone who really doesn’t want one? or give up the dream to have kids?).

If you’re dating a younger man, ask whether he wants kids early so that you can make your exit before things get serious and you both get hurt by breaking up.

5. He May Be More Adventurous and Spontaneous

The women I know who have dated younger men tend to love that these guys are more spontaneous and fun. I know women who were married for decades and rarely went out to eat with their husbands, let alone took a last-minute road trip. But then they started dating a younger man and they found themselves doing all sorts of things they never imagined doing.

Use this opportunity to say yes to more things. The more experiences you have, the more well-rounded you will be!

You may not be into skydiving, but why not let him take you on a day trip to see the flowers bloom in the desert out of town?

Never tried chicken feet? This guy can introduce you to new cuisine and expand your horizons.

If you’re used to planning every inch of your life, use this as an opportunity to let go and live a little.

6. He Might Love You Being in Control

via GIPHY

On the other hand, your need to control might be something that attracts him. He may like how in order your life is, and may be fine putting you in charge of making plans…or even in the bedroom.

Just be wary of this: no relationship should be extremely one-sided in terms of who has the power. If you’re attracted to a younger man because you can control him, that’s not a healthy balance for a real and lasting relationship.

7. He May (or May Not) Be Less Emotionally Mature Than You’d Like

If this younger guy has limited relationship experience, and depending on his personality, he might not have the emotional maturity that you do. This isn’t necessarily the case, because there are plenty of men who are more mature than even older women, but it’s a common enough thing that I want you to watch out for it.

Watch out especially for what I call Peter Pan types. You know the ones. They’ll woo you and then forget to pick you up for a date. They might text like crazy…and then stop texting for days. They have no consideration for your feelings, and are totally self-absorbed.

If you’re on dating sites, you can usually spot a Peter Pan pretty easily. His profile will talk about how into surfing, traveling, hiking, blah blah he is. How his dog is his baby. How he’s not looking for anything serious. And his pictures show that, while he might be incredibly hot, he spends an inordinate amount of time partying.

That’s not the guy for you.

It can be hard to gauge how emotionally mature a younger man is right away, so certainly give this guy a shot. But look for signs that he’s not where you are emotionally, and leave before you get in deeper.

8. He May Not Want a Relationship

He may just want to date, nothing more.

While this can be true of a man at any age, depending on what age man you’re dating, you might end up with one (or more) who isn’t ready to settle down.

His reasons for wanting to be single may range from the fact that he just got out of a relationship to just enjoying being footloose and fancy-free. But if you’re looking for The One, this man probably isn’t him, and you won’t be able to change his mind.

Again, have the conversation early on about what each of you are looking for. Many men will put what they want in their dating profiles (“hookups only,” “LTR,” or “looking for a woman to spoil”) so don’t ignore what’s right in front of you. Just don’t tell yourself that you’re okay with something casual if you’re secretly hoping that it will turn into more. That’s just a recipe for heartache.

9. He Probably Prefers Texting to Calling

If you’re dating a Millennial, chances are he’d prefer to text you than to call you. While texting can be incredibly helpful in letting you stay connected to friends, you may find yourself adrift using it as a communication tool in dating.

You can always suggest a phone call, but understand that for many younger men, a “phone” is really just a computer they use to text, post on Snapchat, and read Reddit. So you may make him incredibly uncomfortable in changing his preferred communication channel.

Your best bet is to step up your texting game. Learn how to get to know him in a few short sentences, while saving the bigger conversations for when you go out.

Or…if that just makes you crazy…date an older man!

10. He May Ghost You

Certainly, Millennials don’t hold the trademark on ghosting, but consider that 15% of Millennial men have ghosted a woman. They might want to avoid conflict, feel that you’re getting too clingy, or feel like you don’t live up to your online profile pics. Whatever the reason, it can be incredibly frustrating.

11. He Will Make You Feel Incredibly Sexy

There’s nothing wrong with a man that makes you feel sexy!

Just like there’s a certain assumption that dating a younger man means you basically have a hot pool boy serving your every need, there’s some cachet on his end as well for dating an older woman.

An older woman (a cougar, even) is seen as sexy and experienced. Younger men may love that you could teach them a thing or two in bed, and that you appreciate everything they do for you, from please you between the sheets to make you feel beautiful and adored.

I don’t see anything wrong with that, do you?

12. He Will Be in a Different Place Careerwise

One thing that can sometimes be a drawback when dating a younger man is that you’re likely going to be in different places in your lives, particularly when it comes to your careers. If you’re in your 40s or 50s, you’ve probably established your professional path and have settled into your field, whereas a guy in his 20s or 30s is just starting on that journey.

It can put pressure on a relationship.

It’s important to accept that you have different goals in your life. If you can do that, then it can work out long-term.

13. You May Be Keenly Aware of the Age Difference

Depending on the age gap between you and this guy, you may become self-conscious about that age difference. It can be particularly awkward when you spend time with his friends who are centered around clubbing or doing other things that you gave up years ago.

You may get looks from people on the street. Frankly, I don’t think you should care what anyone says if you’re into this guy, but if you’re sensitive, just be aware that this might bother you.

Conclusion:

For better or worse, there are plenty of good reasons to try dating a younger guy. It can be a great confidence boost, particularly if you took an emotional blow in a past relationship and are looking for a little amp up in that department.

If you’re open to just casually dating, you might have a blast with a younger man. And it is entirely possible that you could fall in love with one and have a long and happy relationship.

Because, as they say, age ain’t nothin’ but a number. You need to focus on finding the man that is your perfect fit, regardless of his age.

So…have you dated a younger man yet? What was your experience? Share it in the comments below!

Regardless of his age, you might want a little help learning to navigate the world of dating after 40. I’ve got you: this free training, How to Find Love After 40, will help you date with way more confidence than you ever had in your 20s or 30s. Sign up now, because space is limited!

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Can Friends With Benefits Fall In Love? 3 Ways to Make it Happen

CAN friends with benefits fall in love? I’ve been asked that by so many of my female coaching clients, so I wanted to address the topic here.

But first, let’s define friends with benefits: two single people that have sex with one another, with no strings attached. Also known as FWB.

Or as Urban Dictionary puts it:

Ah, you gotta love the internet.

If you’re in a FWB situation and are starting to have real feelings for your weekly hookup, I want to help you figure out: can friends with benefits fall in love…or should you bail before you get hurt?

Your Coach,

P.S. Whether you want to attract your “friend” romantically or move on and find someone who’s really ready for a relationship, my Attract the One webinar is a must-attend.

CAN Friends with Benefits Fall in Love…or Is It a Fairy Tale?

Maybe when you first started hooking up with this guy, you really didn’t want any strings attached. Maybe you were coming out of a nasty divorce or relationship, and while you weren’t ready for another relationship, you did have…um…certain physical needs you needed to address. You know, someone to just “have fun” with.

And maybe that FWB situation worked well for you for a while…but the more time you’re spending with this guy, the more you’re starting to fall for him.

Thing is, you’re not sure how he feels. Do you risk jeopardizing the current situation (and maybe even ruining your friendship) by telling him how you feel? Or do you quash those feelings and keep hooking up? (Let’s be honest: you know the second option isn’t realistic.)

Let me say that yes, friends with benefits can fall in love…but it really depends on the situation. I knew a guy in college who had his regular “Thursday night friend” who came over once every week for months. They were just casual. No big deal.

20 years later? They’re married. So yes, it can happen. Here’s how to figure out if your FWB situation could be more.

1. Realize That You’re Not Actually “Friends”

via GIPHY

I know it’s got the word “friends” built right into the title, but your friends with benefits really isn’t a friend. In a friends with benefits situation, one or both people are being used.

And that might be cool; if you’re using each other to fulfill your sexual needs and everyone’s happy, then keep things status quo.

But if he’s there for sex and you’re looking for something more, which I’m guessing you do since you’re here reading this, then it’s time to shift his mindset about the status of your situation and move on to step two.

2. Stop Giving Him the Benefits. Be Willing to Lose Him

Get out of the bedroom and out doing something new together.

Now look, you don’t need to go cold turkey here and never sleep with him again, but I do suggest changing the context of how you hang out.

Does he only text you to hang at night for a quickie? Be busy, then suggest lunch the next day.

Does he always take off first thing in the morning after you’ve slept together? Suggest going for brunch or a morning walk instead.

If you make these suggestions that shift where and how you spend time together, you will quickly see whether this FWB situation could turn into something more than just sex.

However, realize that if he only wants sex, you pulling back from it or suggesting datelike get-togethers may cause you to lose the connection altogether if he’s not down with that change of plans. If he’s a commitment-phobe, he may run, so be prepared.

At a meeting of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, researchers presented results from a study about friends with benefits. They surveyed them twice, one year apart, to see how that FWB status had changed.

In the second survey a year later, 25% were still FWBs, 15% had become romantic partners, 28% just went back to being friends, and 31% cut ties from their sexual partner completely.

This shows you that the answer to the question, “can friends with benefits fall in love” is drastically different, depending on the people involved. So know that you might end up in one of the other categories if your attempts to turn things romantic fail.

3. Let Him See You in a New Light

He may have no clue you’re into yoga. Share it with him!

Up until now, this man has been able to get the benefit of having sex with you without putting too much effort into it. He has seen you as a certain type of person (someone he’s physically attracted to but feels only friendly toward)…and now it’s time to open his eyes to what’s in front of him.

It’s time to change something about yourself so that he sees you in a different way.

Maybe you invite him to meet you at trivia night and show off how much of a history buff you are…

…or wear something sexy around him when you normally wear yoga pants…

…or maybe you open up to him about your dorky love of doing escape rooms.

Share a part of you that has changed — or that you’re now opening up to him to reveal — and he’ll shift the way he sees you.

The only way friends with benefits can fall in love is if you shift the dynamic and let him see the real you. That means that you need to go deeper than the superficial “hey, how’s it going” conversation you have before getting down to business.

By pulling back from the sexual activity side and focusing on getting to know one another on a real level, you can start creating a strong bond that can develop into a romantic relationship.

Also converting your FWB to a real relationship may take time. Studies show that the longer you’ve known somebody, the more attractive you’ll find them. The more comfortable he is with you as a friend, the more he’ll open up to seeing you as more than just a friend with benefits.

But he needs to actually get to know YOU before that can happen, so focus on being authentic and letting him in.

Conclusion:

I wish I could give you a more conclusive answer to the question, “can friends with benefits fall in love?”

It can be exceedingly difficult to change the status of an FWB situation if he’s become used to you being just a hookup and nothing more. If, after trying the techniques I discuss in this article and video, you’re not getting the sense that he’s interested in expanding your relationship romantically, it might be time to end the benefits portion of your friendship. Otherwise you will continue to have strong feelings for him that he will probably never return. Ending it can save you heartbreak later.

And if you are the type of woman who ties emotion to sex easily, and you are looking for a relationship, you might do better to avoid these FWB situations entirely and focus on getting to know a person emotionally FIRST, before getting to know him sexually.

You won’t have to worry about having feelings for a man you’re sleeping with…because you had those feelings before you started sleeping with him!

Need a little help getting out there and attracting the one? Hop onto my free Attract the One webinar to learn how to draw to you the man that will be your best friend, your soulmate, your everything! Sign up now!

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22 Second Date Rules to Guarantee You Get a Third

Congrats! You’ve made it to that second date. Now’s a great opportunity to really get to know this guy and see if there’s long-term potential.

But you’re still in murky waters. Going out twice with a man doesn’t necessarily guarantee that you’ll end up in a relationship…or even that you’ll go on a third date.

Why The Second Date is So Important

First dates are basic Dating 101; you’re just seeing if you are potentially interested in one another. But sometimes you can’t really get a sense of whether or not you’re a good fit for each other in that first short date. You (or he) might be nervous. You might have trouble engaging in conversation. You might be so worried about whether you have spinach between your teeth that you can’t really relax and have a good time.

But on a second date, you’re more relaxed and ready to dive deeper. You’ve likely chatted with this man since the first date, either via text or on the phone, so you’re a little more comfortable and have more to discuss on your date.

And the fact is: 61% of single men and 70% of single women are more excited about a second date than a first, so you’ve got the potential to have a lot more fun this time!

Tips To Rock That Second Date

Relax. You’ve got this. Your second date will be the best!

Now that you know how important a second date is, you might be understandably a little nervous. What if you screw it up? How can you figure out whether he’s boyfriend material or not?

Not to worry, Sexy Confident lady. I’ve got proven tips to help you have the best (and maybe last) second date ever.

1. Choose a Quiet Venue So You Can Talk

Most people put the most effort into choosing an impressive venue for the first date, but where you have your second date is just as important. And because you want to focus on getting to know one another, you’re better off choosing a quiet place so you can talk.

That means: skip the indoor concert. Have a picnic in the park. Say no to a crowded bar. Say yes to a quiet restaurant. My point here is that the venue for your second date shouldn’t compete for your attention. You want to focus solely on this guy, talking and flirting with him, so you don’t need to have to shout over the noise to do it.

2. Kiss Him on the Cheek When You Meet Him

Especially if you didn’t have your first kiss on your first date, if you’re into this guy, you want to communicate that physically right away. A kiss on the cheek when you go to hug him is completely innocent, and yet communicates your interest…and maybe hope that the kiss will develop into something a bit more substantial at night’s end.

At the end of the date, if he hasn’t made a move to kiss you (and you’re not comfortable making that move yourself), give him another kiss on the cheek. This time, linger a little. Pull away slowly and see if he gets the message that you want to lock lips.

3. Consider Letting Him Pick You Up

While I encourage you to meet a man at the venue for a first date, for the second one, you might decide he’s trustworthy enough to pick you up. Still exercise caution, though. You don’t have to let him in when he picks you up; just walk out the door or be waiting for him outside (though if you wait inside, you can see whether he’s the kind of guy to walk up and ring your bell or to text you that he’s here. Very telling about the kind of person he is!).

Just as a safety tip: let a friend know where you’re going, and give her the man’s contact information. You can never be too careful.

4. Open Up More

Let him get to know more of your personality this time.

On the first date, you ran through your list of topics: family, music, food, travel, work. Now it’s time to go deeper. If this man is relationship material, you’ll need to know that you can connect on things that are important to you.

If you’re really into reading, ask what he likes to read. If you hate your job and are looking to make a career move, open up about that. Essentially, find topics that let him get to know your authentic self and that open the door for him to share more of who he is.

5. Touch Him to Express Interest

Just like that sweet little kiss on the cheek, there are other ways you can physically show interest without going overboard.

When he says something funny, lean forward and touch him lightly on the arm while you laugh. If you tease him about something, touch him on the shoulder. Cross your legs in his direction. These are all ways you can let him know you’re having a great time through body language.

6. Tease Him a Little (But Don’t Make Fun!)

Some gentle ribbing on your second date can break the ice and get the both of you laughing, but keep it kind. The last thing you want to do is make him think you’re a mean girl!

Maybe you both show up wearing plaid that night. You could say, “I got the memo that we should both wear plaid. Dates are more fun when we coordinate!”

If there’s the possibility that what you want to say could hurt his feelings, don’t say it. You don’t yet know how sensitive he is.

7. Do Something Different Than You Did on the First Date

If you went to a bar on your first date, don’t go to another bar. If you walked on the beach, choose another activity. The early days of dating are as much about having different interesting experiences together as they are about getting to know one another, so find ways to mix it up.

If he suggested the spot for your first date, take initiative and plan the second one yourself.

8. Ask Some Dealbreaker Questions

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Bringing up whether he has or wants kids, what his stance is on marriage, and what his political affiliation is on a second date might seem a bad idea. Depending on his answers, you might guarantee you don’t get a third date, but that’s a GOOD thing if you realize that you’re not compatible.

Let’s say you ask whether he wants kids or not. He says absolutely he does. But you in no way want any (or more) children. Would you rather find out now and end things or try to make things work, knowing that at some point, this issue is going to mean more heartbreak?

It’s better to get these big topics out in the open early so you can each go your separate ways if you aren’t aligned.

9. Pay Attention to His Body Language

Just like your body language is communicating something to him, so, too, is his telling you something. You just need to pay attention to see what it’s telling you.

If he’s leaning away or crossing his arms a lot, he may not be as into you as you hope. But if he’s leaning forward and touching you on the arm or back, he’s just as excited to be with you.

10. Offer to Pay

I realize that everyone’s got a different stance on who should pay for the date. Some say the man should always pay. Others say whoever planned the date should pay. I just think it’s good manners to offer to pay. He may not let you, but at least you’ve communicated that you’re perfectly willing to pay, and that you’re not looking for a man to take care of you.

11. Give Him a Second Chance

You might not have felt sparks fly on that first date, but that doesn’t mean he’s not right for you. In fact, 59% of single people said they don’t expect to feel chemistry until the second date, and about 30% don’t expect it until at least the third.

The two of you may need more time to be at ease around each other to really determine whether there’s chemistry or not. So even if you didn’t feel a love match on a first date, if he asks you out again, give him a chance.

12. Recall What He Told You on Date #1

Show you were paying attention!

This is such an easy way to impress a guy: just remember what he told you on the first date (or in your conversations). It shows that you’re paying attention, and that you’re invested in him enough to care.

You: “Hey, how did your mom’s knee surgery go?”

Him: “Wow, I can’t believe you even remembered that. It went well, thanks.”

13. Ask Thought-Provoking (+ Silly) Questions

Your second date should be a mix of deep and light topics. Try to avoid questions that have yes/no answers so that your date has to give some thought to his reply.

You could always play the Would You Rather game:

Would you rather never see again…or never hear again?

Would you rather never be able to eat your favorite food again but have millions of dollars…or be able to eat it but be dirt poor?

Would you rather be a bat or a snail?

If the conversation is getting heavy (maybe you accidentally wandered into Talking About Our Exes territory), veer toward one of these lighter questions to change the vibe.

14. DON’T Talk About Your Ex

Speaking of talking about your ex…don’t do it! I know that sometimes it can’t be helped. It’s natural to ask one another about the past. If he asks if you’ve ever been married and you are divorced, just give him the facts (“Yes. I got divorced three years ago.”) and move on.

Just don’t badmouth your ex or spend more than a few seconds on the subject.

And of course, if you’re telling a story about your past and your ex was part of the story, you can mention him…or just tell the story as if you were alone (“A few years ago, I was in Antarctica…”).

15. Flirt More

On your first date, you may have not been sure of whether you liked this man or not, so you probably didn’t do much flirting. But now you realize you’re into him, so it’s time to step up your flirt game.

Smile often. Engage with him by making eye contact. Find witty things to say. Actively listen to what he’s saying, and ask questions. Essentially, make him feel like the center of the universe on that second date!

16. Include Multiple Venues for Your Second Date

Extending the date to post-dinner dessert? Sweet!

There’s no rule that says you have to sit in one place for three hours on a second date! If dinner ends and you’re not ready to call it a night, suggest a stroll through the nearby park. Or maybe you get dessert or a nightcap at another spot.

Don’t be afraid to get creative! If he talks about how much he loves the marshmallowy candy, Peeps, grab his hand after dinner and say, “C’mon. We’re going on a Peeps scavenger hunt.” You can go to every drugstore within a five-mile radius to buy as many colored Peeps as you can find. That’s a memorable second date!

17. Make it Longer Than the First Date

While there’s no hard and fast rule about how long a first date should last, I often suggest a short-and-sweet coffee date, particularly if you’re meeting a man from a dating app. That gives you enough time to decide whether you want to get to know him further, while still being short enough that you can suffer through it if the date is abysmal.

But now that you’re headed out on a second date, you should spend more time with this man, now that you realize there’s potential there. Plan for a multi-venue date like in Tip #16, or pick something that will take a while. You could go on a long hike, visit an amusement park, or go to an outdoor festival.

18. Compliment Him

You might be thinking that he looks hot…but he doesn’t know that. Make sure to vocalize any compliments you’re thinking so that he can enjoy them. Who doesn’t love compliments?!

The key with compliments is to be sincere. People can smell a fake, overdone compliment a mile away. And mix them up: you can compliment him on how he looks or smells, but also later compliment something about his wit or intelligence.

Just don’t go overboard!

19. Lock Down Date #3

By the end of the second date, you should be pretty confident that you’re going to see this man again, but don’t end the date with a vague “let’s do this again soon.”

Make a plan for that third date. Maybe he mentioned that he’s never been to your favorite Russian restaurant. Suggest it, along with a day in the next week to go. Put it on your calendar!

20. Go in for the Kiss (If You Didn’t on Date 1)

The time to lock lips has come!

If you didn’t kiss this guy on your first date, now’s the time to seal the deal. You know you have conversational chemistry because you two talked until the server told you that the restaurant was closing.

But what about physical chemistry?

While not every first kiss is always the most magical, it can give you perspective on this guy and his potential. If you walk away from that kiss with butterflies in your stomach, that’s awesome. If you walk away wiping his spit off of your entire face…well…you might need to train him better on how to kiss.

21. Text Him Afterward

You’re not done with your effort after that second date. Reassure him that you had a great time by sending a text within an hour or two after the date thanking him.

I had such a good time tonight! Thanks for making wine shoot out of my nose with your crazy humor. Looking forward to Saturday!

Who knows? He might even respond right away, and the two of you could end up in one of those post-date texting marathons that lasts half the night. Just one of the perks of the early days of dating!

22. Relax! He Already Likes You

If, after a day or two, you start to get nervous about whether he really had a good time or whether he’ll call you…relax. You’ve made it this far. You paid attention to his body language, and it told you that he’s ready to take things to the next level.

Certainly this doesn’t guarantee that this man will be your next husband, but it does mean that you can let down your guard a little. The more comfortable you feel around this man, the more yourself you can be. And that will only make him want you more.

Conclusion:

Enjoy yourself on that second date!

To me, a second date is even more fun than the first because there’s less anxiety and anticipation. If you’ve only talked online or via text before a first date, you have no idea how the two of you will be together in person. Some from Meet Positives SM Feed 3 http://bit.ly/2ISoVn8 via IFTTT

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How Men Think: One Simple Rule to Understanding Them

Imagine, being able to crawl deep into the male mind to instantly understand how men think without them knowing it.

[SHUDDER]

IF that were possible, you’d probably need to go take a shower immediately!

Of course you can’t know exactly what and how men think, but it is still very useful to get a general idea of what’s going on in the head of a man you’re into:

Does he like you?

Is he using you?

Does he want a family?

Does he want to stay single and just hook up?

Being able to “read his mind” so to speak can help you understand if you’re aligned in what you want…or if you’re wasting your time.

Let’s crack that male mind open, shall we?

Your Coach,

P.S. You have one idea about how to attract a man…but he might want something completely different. Sign up for my Attract the One workshop to make sure you’re doing what you should to draw a great guy to you.

Your Guide to How Men Think

I’m going to give you a very simple lesson in this article and video that sadly, so many of you women are getting wrong.

It’s causing you more pain and heartache than you could ever have imagined.

And worse, it’s making everyone around you so frustrated because they can see what the guy you’re dating is all about…and you are blind to it.

Okay, I’m about to give you some crazy simple advice and you will be amazed that you didn’t realize it earlier.

Ready?

The way to know how men think is to stop listening to their words and start paying attention to their actions.

Whoa. Mind-blowing, right?

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Pay attention to what he DOES, not what he SAYS.

What he does is a much better indicator of what he’s thinking than what he says.

You know the saying, “actions speak louder than words.” I’d like to rephrase that idea to say: “actions are the only thing that matter in that words mean nothing”…but I guess that’s not as catchy.

I just want you to really get this: his words mean nothing when his actions are the complete opposite. He can whisper all the sweet nothings he wants in your ear, but if he’s canceling dates or blowing you off, you’ve got to pay attention to those signals, not his words.

You’ll know what he’s thinking — how he feels about you — when he shows you he’s there in that emotional space with you. Ask yourself these questions to understand both how men think and what this man feels when it comes to his relationship with you.

Is He Making Time to See You?

When we like someone, we want to be with them, to spend as much time with that person as possible. A man who really cares about you isn’t just texting when it’s convenient…saying he’s swamped at work…or spending more time with his male buddies than you.

Understand that this is how men think. If he’s not really invested in you emotionally, he won’t make the effort to spend time with you.

Is He Opening Up to You?

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Vulnerability is a huge part of a successful relationship. In this case, it may be both actions and words that indicate how he feels about you.

His actions may be things like staying the night after sex when he used to leave right away. Introducing you to his friends. Inviting you to his house.

Wordwise, he may open up to you by telling you about his childhood, past relationships, hopes, and fears.

If he’s doing or saying these things, you can be assured that he wants you to get to know him on a deeper level.

Does He Trust You?

Just as important as vulnerability is trust in a relationship. Remember that trust is a two-way street: you may be so focused on figuring out if you can trust him (especially if you have a history of being betrayed in past relationships), but he is also figuring out if he can trust you.

How will you know if he does? Look for a lot of the signs that he’s being vulnerable with you as well as things like giving you a key to his house, leaving things at your home like his toothbrush, or taking a trip with you.

Is He Spending Time With You Outside of Having Sex?

If you’re enjoying life outside of the bedroom, that’s an indicator he cares about you!

This is a really strong signal for what men think: if you only see this man late at night and you do little more than have fun between the sheets and maybe a little pillow talk after, he’s not interested in being in a relationship with you.

On the other hand, if sex is just one component of what you do together, then he’s enjoying getting to know you as you go out to dinner, hike a local trail, or just binge old movies together.

Is He DOING Nice Things For You…or Just SAYING Nice Things?

This one is tricky. Understanding how men think means you have to accept that sometimes when a man seems to be nice, it’s to get something. Here’s an example:

Saying nice things:“Wow, you look really hot in that dress.”

Doing nice things: He surprises you with your highly-complicated coffee order at work.

The first, while of course is nice to hear, requires very little effort on his part. I’m not saying that every time a man says nice things that he’s not invested in you. But look at what he’s also doing. Is he making an effort to show you that he cares through thoughtful actions?

If so, that’s a way he’s communicating that he wants to make you happy because you make him happy!

Is He Including You in His Life?

If he’s introducing you to friends, he wants you in his life.

Another way his actions communicate what he feels about you is whether he is bringing you into his world. Has he introduced you to friends or family? Invited you to his weekly soccer match with the guys? Introduced you to his dog?

A man who compartmentalizes you outside of the rest of his life is one who isn’t looking for a relationship. But if he’s eager to include you in other aspects of his life, then that’s a great sign!

Conclusion:

Let me leave you with one final thought:

People lie, but actions don’t.

If his actions aren’t aligning with his words, tell him this: You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.

He might not get that, but now that you’re an expert in how men think, you can wait to see if his actions start communicating what you want to hear. If they don’t, ignore what comes out of his mouth and move on. He’ll get the message that saying what he thinks a woman wants to hear (and not actually believing it or feeling it) is no way to treat a lady!

In the comments below, tell me an example of how a man SAID one thing but DID another. What was your response?

If you’re finding that this is a common theme in your love life — men saying and doing completely opposite things — check out my free training that will help you attract a man who you can read easily…because he wants you to!

The post How Men Think: One Simple Rule to Understanding Them appeared first on Sexy Confidence.

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What to Wear on a First Date: How to Feel Confident No Matter What Type of Date You’re On

If it’s been a while since you last dated, you may be clueless as to what to wear on a first date.

You don’t want to look “easy”, so short skirts and tight tops are out…aren’t they?

And you don’t feel like you need to cover up head to toe like a nun…

Where’s the balance here??

Breaking Down What to Wear on a First Date

                   Agonizing over what to wear? Here’s help!

Sure, what you wear on a first date may be different if you’re in your 50’s then if you are in your 20s. But the key is finding what makes you feel good.

Also, it depends on what sort of first date you’re going on. You obviously wouldn’t wear heels and a skirt if you were going to play mini golf or to the beach, and you’d want to dress up a little if he’s asked you out for a nice dinner.

Let’s look at different date scenarios to help you find the right outfit for each.

Coffee Date

                            Go casual on your coffee date!

This is the gold star first date: it’s short and sweet, so if you’re not into him after an hour, you can leave. If you are hitting it off, you can stretch it out by going to happy hour or on a walk…or end the date and leave him wanting more.

Great for: meeting someone for the first time from a dating app. 

Because I always urge you to exercise caution on a first date — particularly if it’s with someone who you only know online — a date in a busy coffee shop is a safe option to get to know him.

And because you’d usually get coffee in the morning or afternoon, you don’t have to worry about things getting too romantic if you’re not sure you want them to. Most guys want the cloak of night around them before they’ll make the first move, and may not try to kiss you in a busy parking lot after the date…unless it went really well and you’re communicating that you want him to!

What to wear: something casual

You don’t want to overdress and look like you’re trying too hard. Pick something kind of business casual.

Jeans are perfectly appropriate for a first coffee date.  You can dress them up with heels or sandals…or give a casual vibe with some funky sneakers.

Add a slightly dressy blouse and some light jewelry, and you’ll look smashing.

So here’s a question I know you’re going to ask about what to wear on a first date:

Cleavage or no?

A little is okay, but since it’s daytime, don’t go overboard. Leave an air of mystery about your body while still wearing a flattering top.

Drinks

Dress for the venue when going out for drinks on a first date.

This is the evening version of the coffee date. It may last longer than a coffee date, and because you’re not doing something else (eating, taking a cooking class, playing mini golf), you can focus on getting to know your date over drinks.

Great for: meeting someone from a dating app who you’re fairly comfortable with (you’ve chatted for several days or weeks). You feel reasonably sure you can trust him.

Tip: drink slowly! The last thing you need on a first date is beer goggles! It’s all too easy if you’re nervous to guzzle down your vodka soda, but realize that this can put you in a vulnerable position. Not only will you be more attracted to him when you might not be otherwise, but you may also do things you wouldn’t do sober, like go home with him.

And beer goggles aren’t just a myth! In a study published in Alcohol and Alcoholism, researchers found that alcohol influenced the perceived attractiveness to other people. So if you didn’t find him attractive in the first five minutes, but an hour later you do (and it’s not because of his winning personality), realize that alcohol may have played a small role in your attraction to him. Wait and see how you feel about him on a second date.

What to wear: depends on the venue

If you’re going to a brewery or beer pub, opt for jeans, cute sneakers or sandals, and a casual top. If you’re having drinks at a fancy restaurant bar, choose a slightly casual dress (like a sundress in the summer) or dressy pants and a nice blouse.

Dinner

         Don’t be afraid to dress up a little for a dinner date!

While it seems like more first dates are going out for coffee or drinks, dinner is a great option too. Good dinner first dates have a way of stretching on for hours! And they provide a great way to learn about the man you’re out with.

His choice of restaurant can tell you a lot (though don’t judge him harshly if he chooses a little taco stand for your first date; that can be fun too!), as can how he treats the wait staff. Does he go adventurous in his meal selection, or play it safe? Have fun analyzing your date over a great meal!

Great for: a man you’ve already met and know you’ve got chemistry with. While sure, you can go out to dinner with a man you’re meeting for the first time through a dating app, I more often hear from clients about dinner dates with men they met organically. Maybe that’s because both of you already know you’re attracted to one another, whereas with an online date, you’re still trying to figure out if you have chemistry together and want to opt for a shorter date.

What to wear: dress up just a little

If you love wearing dresses, go ahead and rock one (even if you go to a taco joint! You’ll be memorable). Otherwise, go for nice pants and a dressy blouse.

You can wear a bit more jewelry than you would on a daytime date, but don’t go overboard. Take Coco Chanel’s advice: “Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off.”

Hike

                   Aim for comfort over cute on a hiking date.

If you’d rather be active than sitting and sipping on a first date, a hike is a great way to get to know someone. Make sure you agree on a hike that you are both capable of; this is not the time to either bite off more than you can chew (and need to be airlifted home) or try to show him up with your awesome Kilimanjaro skills.

Great for: active types…or if you’re nervous and uncomfortable sitting and talking with a man you don’t yet know.

What to wear: activewear

If you don’t mind wearing something form-fitting on a first date, go for yoga pants for ultimate comfort. If not, wear athletic shorts, hiking pants or capris.

Above all, wear sensible shoes! There’s no point trying to be cute if you risk twisting your ankle in the wrong shoes!

Wear a hat, either to protect your face from the sun or to keep your head warm…or both.

This is not the time to wear cute jeans or a complicated top. If you wear comfortable clothes on your hike, you won’t be stopping to fidget with them (and yes, he’ll notice).

Tips for What to Wear on a First Date

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You may think you need to wear tight, low-cut clothing to attract this man, but trust me: you’re better off wearing clothes you feel comfortable in. If you feel good in your clothes, you will look good in them. Plus, you want him to be attracted to who you are, not what you wear.

Try on the outfit before going out in it, especially if it’s brand new. See if it pulls or constricts you anywhere. If so, don’t wear it.

Communicate Confidence

Consider wearing red! Studies show that the color is attractive to others, and of course, because it’s so bold, it exudes confidence.

When it comes to deciding what to wear on a first date, be bold in one category. Go for patterns on your blouse, a chic design, stand-out jewelry…just not all three! You want a subtle touch that shows you care how you are put together…but you don’t want to scream that message.

A Word on Makeup

In terms of makeup: go with what you’re comfortable with. There’s no need to wear more than you normally would if you were going out with the girls.

Look for long-lasting lipstick so that it doesn’t all melt away while you drink or eat…and in case the date ends with a kiss!

Pay attention to your nails. While it’s not necessary that you go get a professional manicure, you should at the very least make sure they don’t look dirty.

Now for Shoes

Wear heels if you’re short and he’s tall…if you know that he’s short and you’re tall, skip them so you don’t intimidate him.

Don’t wear shoes that will give you a blister or that you can’t walk in. There’s nothing sexy about a man having to take his date to the drug store to buy flip flops so she can walk if her shoes have crippled her!

Take the Local Vibe Into Consideration

People in San Diego rarely get really gussied up. You might throw him off if you wear too fancy of a dress for a drink date…and he’s in cargo shorts and flip flops.

If you’re going to a high-end neighborhood in Manhattan, check to see if there’s a dress code for the restaurant.

My point here is that where you live will dictate a certain type of vibe when it comes to apparel. Pay attention to it.

Conclusion:

Figuring out what to wear on a first date is the easy part. Now you’ve got to go on the first date! Realize that this may or may not be the man of your dreams. It might be the first of many first dates, and that’s okay.

You’re getting to know your single self at this point in your life, and the more practice you can get in, the faster you’ll know what you like and what you don’t.

Set yourself up for success on this first date. Keep your expectations low; at the very worst, you get to enjoy coffee, drinks, or dinner with a nice man. You might not have a love connection, but you might end up friends. So be open to where the date takes you!

And after your date, leave a comment below telling our Sexy Confidence community how it went…and what you wore!

Flirting is a key part of first dates! If your skills are rusty, sign up for my Flirting Workshop so that he immediately asks you for a second date!

The post What to Wear on a First Date: How to Feel Confident No Matter What Type of Date You’re On appeared first on Sexy Confidence.

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How to Know When to Break Up: 20 Signs That It’s The End

It’s sad but true: sometimes even a long-term relationship comes to an end. The key is figuring out how to know when to break up.

If there’s one thing we all have in common, it’s that we’ve all been through a breakup. Whether you were the one to do the breaking or you got your heart smashed into a thousand pieces, you know that breakups can be hard for both parties.

But if it’s been a while since you went through a breakup — or the last big one was major, like the end of a marriage or long-term relationship — you might not know when to break up, when to throw in the towel.

How to Know When to Break Up: 20 Warning Signs

Every relationship is, of course, different, and what every person is willing to deal with in a relationship varies. Also, your past experiences may dictate what you’re willing to suffer through now.

If you were married to an emotionally abusive man, you might think your boyfriend, who simply doesn’t care about you as much as you care about him, is so much better that you’re willing to accept the fact that it’s a lopsided relationship.

I want to say this: while yes, the man you’re with will have some things that completely get on your nerves, you shouldn’t settle. I need you to know that if you aren’t happy- at least the majority of the time- you’re in the wrong relationship. There is someone out there that you can be authentic and blissfully happy with…but you’ll have to break up with this Mr. Wrong to find him.

Here are some of the signs that it’s time to break up.

1. You Don’t Feel the Same Way

You just don’t love him anymore. What should you do?

At one time, you loved this man like you’ve never loved anyone else. And while it’s normal for feelings to settle down from those early days of infatuation, your love for him should grow and remain steady and deep.

If you’ve felt a disconnect with him over the past few months and you can’t figure out how to reclaim the deep love you once had, it may be because the relationship has outlived its purpose. It’s time to move on.

2. You’re Fighting All the Time

I know many couples who think that arguing a lot is totally fine. But they scream, shout, and call each other nasty names…and then apologize and say they didn’t mean it.

Truth comes out when you’re angry. If, in the heat of the moment (over and over again), you wonder why you’re with this guy and loathe him, then probably you don’t need to be with him, even if you calm down later.

So how do you know if your arguing is normal or a sign of a bigger problem? If you’re able to resolve the issue at hand by talking it out, you’re probably okay. But if you continue to bicker over the same topics and they’re not improving, then it might be a sign it’s time to break up.

3. He Seems Distant

You’re having trouble connecting emotionally to your guy. He just seems to be…somewhere else. You’ve tried talking to him about it, but he’s shut you out.

He may be processing his feelings about your relationship. Or something else. If he’s going through something like stress at work or having a loved one sick or dying, cut him some slack and wait it out. But if things are otherwise good, but your relationship feels disconnected, things may be ending.

4. One (or Both of You) is Avoiding the Other

He goes out with his friends after work for drinks. When he comes home, you pretend to be asleep. You plan girls’ getaways so you don’t have to be home with your boyfriend. Clearly, the two of you aren’t comfortable being in the same room for long, so it’s time to get to the bottom of why.

Likely one or both of you sees the end in sight and is avoiding the conflict that may come with the breakup. Or you just can’t find the right time to do it. Know that there’s no “right time” for when to break up. Just rip that Band-Aid off!

5. You Worry He’s Cheating

via GIPHY

You’re fairly certain you’re not being paranoid; you’ve found enough evidence that your man is being unfaithful. So what do you do about it? Accuse him and have things blow up? You’re worried that you won’t be able to live without him, despite him being a cheater.

If you’re looking for information about how to know when to break up and your man is cheating, let me just say: DO IT NOW!! Don’t wait any longer because you will convince yourself that you were crazy and that he’s faithful to you. But you deserve better, so get out now.

6. You’re Fantasizing About Other Men…a LOT

Let’s first get this straight: it is completely normal and healthy to occasionally fantasize about being with someone else. In fact, 46% of women have fantasized about another man while having sex with their partner.

So if you’re doing this now and then, you’re totally normal. But if those fantasies are taking up more space than your man is in your head…or if you’re in danger of acting on them, then you know it’s time to end this relationship. You need to be fair to him, and cheating (if only in your head) isn’t a quality of a good partner.

7. You’ve Stopped Having Sex

Again, this is something that’s completely normal for many. You might taper off how frequently you have sex from those early monkey-sex days. You might have weeks or even months where you don’t get frisky.

But if it’s going on and on and neither of you are making an effort to connect physically, it could be an indicator of a bigger problem. There may be underlying issues that you two haven’t addressed that are making it hard for one or both of you to want to feel physically intimate.

8. You’ve Caught Him Lying

You’ve caught him cheating. Why stay?

He told you he was going out with Phil to shoot hoops, but then Phil stopped by the house to drop something off. You’ve caught him in other lies, too. You don’t know if he’s cheating or it’s something else that he’s lying about, but you know that your relationship isn’t okay.

In no way can you trust a liar. Even if you call him out and he promises not to do it again, how can you believe him? Cut your ties and move on. You deserve honesty.

9. He’s Physically or Mentally Abusing You

Here’s another complete dealbreaker. If he lays a finger on you — even once — or belittles you, you need to leave this man immediately. There’s no reason to put up with that. It doesn’t matter that he always brings you flowers and apologizes after. You are not safe.

Speaking of safety, you need to figure out how to know when to break up with an abuser so that you don’t put yourself in danger. He will get angry that you want to leave him, and he may hurt you. Leave when he’s not around and go somewhere that he can’t find you. Or bring a big, strong friend to go with you to break the news to him.

10. You Want Different Things

You’re puzzled. The man you’re with is a great guy. He’s been nothing but wonderful to you. But you’ve reached a point in your lives where you realize you now want different things.

Maybe you want to really focus on your career, but he wants to retire early and travel the world. Maybe he wants to move to Seattle, while you want to stay close to your ailing parents.

It happens sometimes. You might have wanted the same thing for months or years, but sometimes you reach a fork in the road and you have to make a big decision.

11. He’s Got Dealbreakers

Maybe you want to buy a house together…but he wants to live in an RV to save money.

Maybe you don’t want kids…but he does.

Maybe he never wants to remarry…but you do.

These are all huge life decisions that should be in sync between partners, so ignoring them now only delays the inevitable.

12. Your Friends Think You Should Break Up

You trust your friends. It’s time to start listening to them.

The frustrating thing about good friends is that they often see what you don’t see in your relationship…and you’re likely unwilling to admit that they’re right.

You might bury your head in the sand about the fact that your boyfriend is kinda mean to you…but your BFF Laurie is quick to point it out and remind you of what a strong woman you are. You make excuses for the guy, but she’s not accepting them.

If you want to know when to break up…pay attention to what your friends are saying about your boyfriend.

13. You’re Unhappy

There’s no scientific measurement of how happy you should be in a relationship, but to me, you should be happy at least 80% of the time. That means that yes, you’ll have some rough patches over the years, but the overall forecast for your relationship is sunny weather.

If, when you think about it, you realize you’re unhappy much more than you are happy, this isn’t the right relationship for you.

“But Adam,” you say, “we have some really great times together. Don’t those outweigh the dark periods?”

Only you can answer that, but if you’re settling for a relationship where you have extreme highs (but few of them) and deep lows (lots), then I don’t think he’s right for you.

14. You’re Doing all the Sacrificing

You work while he stays home to develop his comedy career.

You gave up your dream to move to Belize because he doesn’t speak Spanish.

You never get to go to your favorite restaurant because he hates it.

If you’re giving up many things that you want so that he can be happy, this isn’t fair to you. A relationship should be about compromise…on both sides. That means you have a win, then he has a win. You give up something, then he gives up something. If you’re accommodating him nonstop then your own needs aren’t getting met.

Don’t wait to figure out when to break up…or you may give everything you’ve got and be emotionally drained.

15. You’re Cheating

Maybe your fantasies about being with other men came to life and now you’re having an affair. Realize that if you’re cheating, it’s probably because there are bigger issues in your relationship.

Maybe he hasn’t made you feel cherished in a long time.

Maybe you stopped having sex a year ago.

Maybe you know deep down that this isn’t the man for you.

I am in no way justifying your infidelity. But I want you to dive below the surface to figure out what’s really wrong in your relationship. Probably it can’t be mended. You’ve broken his trust, whether he knows you’re cheating or not. The best you can do is end things and then work through the issues that led you to cheating so you can have a healthy relationship next time.

16. You’ve Known It’s Over for a While

You know it’s over. Time to end things.

For some couples, the question isn’t if to break up, it’s when to break up. You both have known for quite some time that the relationship is dead, but you both hate conflict and upheaval.

Breaking up means dividing years’ worth of combined personal items. Finding a new place to live. Separating your finances. Letting go of someone you’ve grown accustomed to being in your life.

It’s tough. I acknowledge that. But consider how long you can go on in this state of limbo. Where do you see yourself in five years? Avoiding him and your problems? Or living a full life, maybe with a new partner?

Keep that vision in mind to help you make the decision of when to break up.

17. You’ve Been in Therapy…and It’s Not Working

The two of you have struggled for a while, and you’ve agreed that should you to go to couple’s therapy. It’ll fix things, they tell you.

So you’ve seen a therapist together for several months. The problem is: all you do in each session is blame one another. You’re not solving any of your problems, you’re just rehashing the same old sh#%. Even your therapist has admitted she doesn’t know how to help you.

18. You Resent Him

Every time you look at your man, you feel a swell of anger. Maybe he begged you not to take that job across the country so you could be together, and now you resent him for it. Maybe he convinced you that the two of you were better off not having kids, but your biological clock is still ticking.

Whatever the cause of your resentment, realize that it’s not healthy for the two of you. Unless you can get over your anger, the relationship is doomed.

19. You Feel Stuck

You might have thought his video game habit was cute when you first started dating, but now you feel like you’re with a teenager. You are ready to level up in your life (buy a house, get married, advance your career), but you feel like this relationship is a handicap for all the things you want to achieve.

Your partner should match you in terms of what he wants out of life. He should have similar ambition and drive to what you have. If that’s not the case, you’re stuck on a hamster wheel.

20. You’ve Tried to Change Him, to No Avail

I can’t tell you how many women I know who have tried and failed to change a man. Inevitably, they waste years of their lives and walk away frustrated.

You can’t change him. Stop trying. It’s time to break up with this guy because he will never be what you need.

Breakup Tips

Get your plan for how and when to break up.

Now that you’ve admitted to yourself that it’s time to end things, you need to figure out how and when to break up.

Plan how you’ll do it, particularly if you live together. Where will you go? How will you deal with breaking your lease or selling the house if you both move out?

Set aside your anger to discuss the deeper issues. Avoid blame; you’re leaving and it’s over, so the nicest thing you can do is be honest about why you’re leaving without pointing the finger angrily.

If you think he’ll try to convince you to stay, make a list of reasons he’s wrong for you so you can stick to your guns. Talk to your friends so they can remind you why you’re leaving and can support you through the process.

If you’ve broken up and gotten back together a million times, ask yourself how this time will be different. Don’t go back again. It’s a dead end.

Have no contact after the breakup. If he keeps pushing to stay in touch, ask him for a 3-week no contact rule.

Own your part in the breakup. You can’t put it all on him. It takes two people to make and break a relationship.

Stick to your guns. You’re making the right decision.

Give yourself some grieving time before you date again. You may be ready to put this guy behind you, but you need to honor the time you had with him, reflect on what went wrong, and then find who you are now, post-relationship.

Conclusion:

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Why Do Guys Ghost? 5 Reasons That Will Save You Heartache

Why do guys ghost? Honestly, I don’t get it.

I’m sure you’ve experienced ghosting while talking to a guy:

Things are going well. You’re texting or talking on the phone regularly. He’s even starting to be a little vulnerable with you. You’re starting to feel like this might actually turn into a relationship.

Then suddenly, out of NOWHERE, he just ghosts.

Disappears.

Vanishes.

Nowhere to be found.

And you’re thinking, “what the #$^#? What went wrong? What did I do wrong?”

And then every once in a while after you’ve written the guy off, you feel the remnants of that ghost. You feel like you’re in a cheesy horror movie where the haunted spirit keeps surprising you…

…in the form of a late night drunk text…

…or a heart on your Instagram post…

…or a right swipe on your Bumble profile.

…and you’re wondering, “what does he want? Why do men ghost, and how can I avoid this horror movie that is my love life??”

Before you get all annoyed at me as I explain why guys ghost, please realize that I don’t condone any of these behaviors. I just want to give you the real deal so you can understand why men act crazy like this.

Your Coach,

P.S. If you seem to be attracting the wrong men — the type that ghost you — then I think you’ll really benefit from my free Attract the One webinar. I’ll teach you how to attract the RIGHT kind of men!

Why Do Guys Ghost? I Don’t Understand!

When I talk to women who are dating later in life, maybe after a divorce, one of the top things they’re frustrated about is ghosting.

Let me just say: ghosting is the cowardly way out of a relationship. Regardless of the reason behind the ghosting (which we’ll go into in a minute), not bothering to explain to you why he ended things is just the easy way out.

But don’t worry about it, Sexy Confident lady. He’s got some serious bad karma to deal with for ghosting you!

Here are a few of the reasons why guys ghost.

1. He Got Scared

Do you really want to be with a man who’s too scared to be honest?

You might not be the only one with a traumatic past that makes it hard for you to open up in new relationships. He might have been cheated on by a past girlfriend, or hurt in some other significant way.

Or he may have never been in a serious relationship before. Either way, it’s important for you to understand that many men have a real fear of emotional intimacy.

There’s not a lot you can do if he’s ghosted because he got scared. In future relationships, try to look for signs that he’s into you but maybe shies away from commitment and try to go slow so he can get used to the idea of being with you long-term.

2. He Got What He Wanted

Just to be clear: usually what the guy wants is sex. He wants that physical connection but none of the emotional intimacy you’re pushing for.

I’ve got to admit that in my 20s, I was guilty of this reason guys ghost. I wasn’t interested in anything serious, and I was too immature to be real with the women I went out with to let them know that.

Consider this my penance: to answer the question, why do guys ghost.

Although a whopping 80% of 18-33-year-olds have been ghosted, sadly, this is not a phenomenon only for Millennials. I hear from so many members of the Sexy Confidence community that they’re encountering men in their 40s, 50s, and beyond who only want sex and then ghost.

This blows my mind. Clearly some men will never grow up.

So how can you avoid being used for sex? Talk to a guy you’re dating early on to find out what he’s looking for. An honest guy will let you know up front if he just wants to hook up, and then you can decide if you’re okay with that or if you want to hold out for a real relationship. Do this before you have sex!

3. He’s Avoiding Confrontation

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This man might have gotten to the point in his relationship with you that he’s simply not “feeling it” anymore. He might have been really into you at first, but for whatever reason, his feelings have faded.

Maybe something happened that he didn’t like or he just realized that this wasn’t going anywhere long-term. Surprisingly, people who believe in soul mates are more likely to ghost you, even in a short term relationship, which 22% of those people think it’s okay to do.

Sadly, we live in a time where we’ve gotten worse at confrontation. That might be because we live our lives on our phones and don’t know how to deal with real world situations. Maybe we’ve always sucked at confrontation. I don’t know.

Whatever the cause, it’s one of the reasons guys ghost. It’s crappy that they don’t have the nerve to tell you directly that they’re not interested anymore, but realize that a guy who ghosts is weak, and you are strong. Confronting him about ghosting won’t help you understand why he left, so just give it up and stop looking for answers.

4. He’s a Narcissist

A classic narcissist isn’t concerned about you and your feelings. He will use you — sexually or emotionally — and then discard you without any remorse.

I’m sorry if you’ve been dating a narcissist and he ghosted, but look at it this way: if you’d continued to date a narcissist long-term, you would have gotten even more hurt. So you’re lucky you got out early!

5. He’s a Boy, Not a Man

You need a REAL man in your life, not a boy!

A boy will ghost on you because he doesn’t know better and he doesn’t want to experience your wrath.

A man will tell you how it is, even if it’s something you don’t want to hear, and even if he knows you will be upset with him.

Don’t assume that if you’re dating men who are 40, 50, or older that they’re actually men. Sadly, men who start out emotionally immature sometimes never really grow up. They’re Peter Pan, and they’ll ghost you, avoid commitment, and generally be bad for you.

If you find that you keep dating Peter Pan types, consider what it is that attracts you to them. Maybe you like that they’re creative types but hate that they won’t commit. Next time, break out of your pattern and try dating an analytical guy or someone completely opposite.

Conclusion:

Why do guys ghost? While I’ve given you several reasons, the bottom line is: these men aren’t right for you. If you shift your mindset, you’ll see that being ghosted is actually a good thing.

By having him end things early, you have avoided the pain of being in a relationship with a scared little boy who doesn’t have the balls to communicate with you properly.

This isn’t The One. This isn’t the man who is your equal, who will be a good partner for you for the foreseeable future. This is just a speed bump on your path to love, and one that you are now over.

And let me just close by saying: women ghost too. If you know that you’ve ghosted a guy, I want you to be brave next time you realize things aren’t working out and just tell him. It’ll be great karma for you!

I know it’s frustrating when men ghost, but I promise you: if you keep getting out there and being open to opportunities to find love, you absolutely will.

I’d love to help you on that journey to love! I’ve created this exclusive webinar to help you attract men who will NEVER ghost, who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Sign up here.

The post Why Do Guys Ghost? 5 Reasons That Will Save You Heartache appeared first on Sexy Confidence.

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What Does Clingy Mean? 16 Signs You’re Being Clingy

You’ve been told in the past that you’re a clingy girlfriend. But what does being clingy really mean? You might just feel like you’re showing how much you care for a man…so why does he take it as you being clingy? And how can you keep from turning off your next boyfriend?

16 Signs to Watch for That You’re Being Clingy

Naturally, you do not want to be clingy. Am I right? I’m guessing you don’t realize that your behavior might turn off men that you date, and I want to help you discover what behaviors might be construed as clingy so you can avoid them.

1. You’re Insecure When You’re Not With Him

If you don’t naturally feel like a secure woman — either because you never have been one or because you’ve been in a bad relationship that took away your confidence — you may worry when you’re apart that he’s not really into you…or that he’s with another woman.

This is a tricky one because you have to first find confidence within yourself before you can be a good partner. When you’re confident, you are assured that the man you’re dating is into you. And by you exuding that confidence, you make him want you even more.

If you find that you are insecure when you’re apart, try not to bombard him with calls, texts, or questions. Realize that a healthy couple spends time apart, and that when you do spend time together again, you’ll have lots to catch up on.

2. You Turn Down Invites from Friends To Spend Time with Him

Your group of girlfriends goes out every Thursday for happy hour, but you can’t remember the last time you went.

Why?

Because you’d rather hang out with your man. Not that he’s demanding your time every Thursday…you just neglect to mention to him that you were invited to hang out with your friends.

The problem with spending less time with your friends is that you can’t guarantee the man you’re dedicating so much time to will even be around in a few months. If you piss off your friends by never hanging out with them, do you think they’ll be very sympathetic to you when you break up with this man?

Friends come first. Period. A good man won’t want to take away the time you spend with them. If you do put him first, he probably will see it as you being clingy.

And just a heads up: your friends probably aren’t going to like your boyfriend much if you always hang out with him, even if he doesn’t deserve their dislike.

3. He’s Always Your #1 Priority

You put him before everything. Not good!

You’re going out on a double date with your BFF. When she suggests a Mexican restaurant, you say, “oh, I don’t know. Bobby doesn’t really like Mexican food.”

When you order pizza with your boyfriend, you always let him order one with pineapples…even though you hate them.

You stay up way past your bedtime to talk to him on the phone because he’s a night owl.

Essentially, you’re shaping your decisions around what he wants, not around your own wants or needs.

Let me ask you: how long do you think you can sustain this? How long can you put someone else first? I’ve gotta be honest: I’ve never known a successful relationship where that worked long-term.

Certainly you should compromise from time to time. Let him pick the show on Netflix tonight. Give him the bigger half of the cupcake. But your needs are important too, and by giving him what he wants all the time, you’re not letting him see the real you.

4. You Text Him Constantly

Look at your text chain with this guy. How many texts in a row did you send him last without him responding? If you’re double texting (or even quadruple texting!), you may come off as being clingy.

That’s not to say that if you text him once and then remember something else you wanted to say, you can’t occasionally send a couple of texts in a row. But if you text a lot because you haven’t heard from him in a reasonable period of time, he’s going to be turned off.

Listen. I know that you’re really stoked to have finally found a great guy. And maybe he’s distracting you from being able to get any work done. I get it. But realize that if he’s not texting you back at 10 am on a Monday morning, it’s because he’s busy.

Not because he’s not into you.

Not because he’s with another woman.

He���s busy.

So rather than letting your imagination run wild about what he’s doing while he’s not texting you, be glad that he’s a well-rounded individual. Then consider finding new hobbies so you can be one, too.

5. You’re Offended If He Goes Out Without You

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“Hey babe. I’m gonna go shoot hoops with the boys tonight. I’ll text you after.”

When you hear this, you’re instantly jealous. Why’s he gotta spend time with his boys? Are you not important? You start fuming and gearing for a fight.

Realize that you may have an insecure attachment style, and this might keep you from seeing things (like him going out without you) from his perspective. You may want to spend all of your time with him and be frustrated if he doesn’t feel the same way, but realize that everyone is different. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you.

6. You Worry He’s Cheating (When He Isn’t)

You saw how he looked at the waitress at the restaurant last night and worry that he went back to get her number. Whenever you’re not together, you fret that he’s with another woman.

Unless you have a real reason to suspect he’s cheating, thinking like this goes back to your insecurity. Maybe you don’t really feel like a guy this great could only be interested in you, so you start building these stories in your head about how he’s being unfaithful. And you start being clingy.

Be careful. If you accuse him of cheating when he absolutely isn’t, he may get frustrated that you don’t trust him, and you might push him away when that’s really the last thing you want to do.

There’s a way to talk to him about your insecurities…and it doesn’t involve finger-pointing. Open up to him about your thoughts and let him reassure you that he cares.

7. You Look to Him for Your Happiness

When Rod Tidwell (played by Tom Cruise) tells Dorothy Boyd (played by Renee Zellweger) “you complete me” in Jerry Maguire, you totally get it because that’s how you feel about this man.

The problem with looking for someone else to complete you or make you happy is that they never can. Happiness has to come from within, otherwise you’ll find yourself being clingy and trying to spend as much time with this guy as possible…and still you won’t be happy.

At the same time, you’ll push him away and then he’ll leave…and you’ll definitely be unhappy.

Focus on finding ways to be happy outside of a relationship. Do the things you enjoy. Spend time with your friends. A man should be part of your life…but he shouldn’t be your life.

8. You Facebook Stalk Your Man

You check up on what he’s doing on social media.

Maybe before you even decided to commit to one another, you were on Facebook seeing what this guy was up to. Maybe you did your homework before your first date to check up on him, and now that you’re in a relationship, you’re still lurking on his profile.

“Bethany? Who’s Bethany? Why’s she hearting his photo?”

“When did he eat Mexican? He knows I love Mexican!”

You’re reading far too much into his social media activity, and it’s making you a little wonky. This is definitely one of the signs you’re being clingy, so go on a Facebook Fast. Stay away from his profile and focus on getting to know him in person.

9. You’ve Broken Into His Phone to See Who He’s Texting

You’re so sure that he’s texting another woman that when he’s in the bathroom, you break into his phone (of course, you know his password). You probably don’t find any evidence to back up your worries, but you’ve just violated his trust in a major way.

You have to ask yourself why you’re being clingy like this. Did something happen in a past relationship that has made it difficult to trust men? Learn to leave the past behind and start anew with this man, because he doesn’t deserve your mistrust.

10. You Have No Life Outside of Him

It started when you began declining invites from friends. Now your social circle has shrunk to just the two of you on your side (he still has friends that he tries to spend time with, though it causes arguments with you).

You might be perfectly happy making this guy your world, but he may not be. And it isn’t healthy. When you come to rely on one person for your fulfillment you limit your potential for happiness. What happens if the relationship ends and you’re left friendless and alone? Food for thought.

You’ll learn to be a happier person if you develop a life full of satisfying activities and people outside of the man you’re in a relationship with. And your relationship will be stronger for it.

11. You Act The Way You Think He Wants You To

If you’re hiding who you are, you can’t have an honest relationship.

Normally you’re pretty strong-willed, but you find yourself acting shy and demure around your new boyfriend.

Why? Because you think that’s how he wants you to be.

The problem with changing how you are for someone else is that it’s difficult to put on that mask long-term. Sure, for a few months you might be able to pull off being dainty and delicate, but if that’s not who you really are, sooner or later, that brash and sassy self will break through.

And that’s completely okay. If this man wants you to be someone you’re not, he’s not the man for you. The right man will love you for all your quirks. He’ll love the fact that you whistlesnore. That you talk with your mouth full when you get excited. That you are the life of the party.

So rather than acting like someone else, work on finding someone that wants you to be authentic.

12. You Constantly Need Reassurance That He Cares

Another sign of being clingy is that you constantly want him to tell you he loves you or misses you(if you’re there yet in your relationship; otherwise you just want clues that he’s into you).

Your biggest fear is losing him, and so you constantly tell him that you love him…and wait. I don’t know…I always feel like saying “I love you” or “I miss you” just to hear it back is kinda devious. If you feel it, sure, say it. But don’t sit waiting for him to respond or requiring him to tell you how much he adores you 100 times a day.

13. You Worry About Him Breaking Up with You

You lie awake at night and wonder when it’ll happen…

…you’ve been anticipating it from the beginning…

…you hold your breath each day, thinking today might be the day…

…that he breaks up with you.

Every time you get into the tiniest argument, you’re sure this will be the one to end it all.

What?! That’s no way to be in a relationship. If you’re worried he’s going to end things, why are you with him? Why are you so certain that he’s staying in a relationship when he isn’t happy?

Your insecurities are rearing their ugly heads again.

There’s a research study out there that found that, when people worry about the possibility of their relationship ending, their feelings of romance and attachment dwindle. Ask yourself whether your worries might be keeping this relationship from realizing its full potential.

14. You Overaccommodate Him

You spoil him…but let him spoil you!

When he comes to your place after work, you’ve got his beer chilled in his favorite mug and his favorite sports team on the television. You defer to him about making plans every time you go out.

You are, in a sense, coddling him.

Sure, it’s nice to feel taken care of once in a while in a relationship, but it should be a back-and-forth between partners, not one-sided.

He may feel like you’re being clingy if you’re there to fulfill his every wish. That feels more to him like a fantasy, when all he wants is the reality of you.

15. You’re Jealous of His Friends

“I wish you wouldn’t hang out with Ted,” you say, “I think he’s bad for you.”

The truth is: you’re jealous of Ted. They’ve been friends since they were boys, and he tells Ted everything. You want that same bond with your man that Ted has, and you feel like he’s getting in the way.

And if he’s got female friends? That’s a whole other level of jealousy. You might worry that he’ll fall for one and that makes you feel vulnerable.

The thing is: if this guy deserves to be trusted, then you have to trust him. He needs both his friends and you in his world, so try to accept that.

16. You Push for the Relationship to Move Ahead Too Soon

Another sign of being clingy I’ve seen with my coaching clients is when they try to move the relationship forward too quickly. Maybe after a few dates, you’re ready to lock it down and make this guy your boyfriend. And maybe he’s down with that…but there’s also a good chance that he’s not.

If this guy you’re dating is The One, it’ll happen. You can’t rush true love, so try to savor whatever stage you’re in and then enjoy the process of falling for one another.

How to Stop Being a Clingy Girlfriend

Being aware that you’re being clingy is the first step to improvement.

So maybe you’ve identified several of these signs of being clingy and realize you’ve been guilty of them. Now you’re ready to do better.

Work On Your Confidence

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What Men Really Want in Bed: 6 Things Men Secretly Want You to Do

Ah yes, the bedroom, where you really learn the inner depths of how kinky and weird a person really is…as well as what men really want in bed.

Regardless of whether the dude you’re dating is into his red room of pain…

…or he’d rather softly caress you in a bed covered in rose petals…

…I’m going to reveal some secrets about what men really want in bed that will knock your socks off…

Literally.

This video and article are all about SEX. I don’t usually talk about sex a ton on the Sexy Confidence blog, but you ladies have been asking for me to, and I want to help you create the love life you’ve always dreamed of…and of course it involves sex!

So let me reveal what men really want in bed and hope that I don’t get my Man Card revoked for sharing these secrets!

Your Coach,

P.S. One thing men love about sex doesn’t actually happen in the bedroom at all. It happens on your phone. Get actual sexy texts you can send TODAY to ignite a fire in your man. Download the Love Texting Report here.

What Men Really Want in Bed…and How to Give it To Them

When you read about what men really want in bed, some things you will already know…and some things may come as a complete shock to you. Whatever your reaction, know that, with this newfound knowledge, you can give your guy exactly what he wants…even if he’s never told you directly.

1. He Wants Sex a LOT

Most men want sex more than you do. That may not come as much of a surprise to most of you.

In a Men’s Health survey of  6,700 men and women, researchers found that one-third of the women were having sex at least two or three times a week, and, round of applause, 71% said they were either “thrilled” or “satisfied” with their sex lives.

Men, however, were getting busy at exactly the same rate as women, but only 51% were thrilled or satisfied. Why weren’t they as happy? It might be because they didn’t feel good about their bodies in the bedroom, but it may also be because they were not getting as much sex as they wanted.

Don’t fault us! Fault biology.

If you want to keep your man interested, try increasing how much sex you have. I promise you: it won’t be a hardship for you because you’ll totally enjoy physically and emotionally engaging with this guy you’re into.

2. He Wants Affection in Bed

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You might think that wanting to cuddle and be close to your partner is a female-only thing, but that’s just a stereotype. Men, just like you, want to kiss, cuddle, and say sweet things during sex.

In fact, science shows that both men and women find that romantic and affectionate behaviors are the most appealing to partners.

I like to cuddle. I’ll admit it. And although a man may never write it in his Tinder profile, your guy probably loves to cuddle too.

So don’t assume that you’re putting him off by being affectionate in the bedroom. Bask in that afterglow with him and let that time emotionally cement you two together.

3. He Wants Committed Sex

Love and sex don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

Before you start spreading the rumor that all men just want casual sex, let me share some research with you. In the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, researchers found that men enjoyed sex more when they were in a relationship.

Men who have sex with a relationship partner are more aroused, have greater orgasms, and have fewer issues…ahem…getting it up than men who have casual sexual encounters.

So if you’re in the early stages of dating, don’t feel like if you have sex with a man, he won’t commit to you. That might be all the more appeal to draw him to you: sex with someone that he can fall for and build a relationship with!

4. He Wants to Cut to the Chase

He’s probably not into wining and dining you. He wants action!

Men tend to move faster than women when it comes to dancing around having sex.

You’ve probably experienced this firsthand: you’re dating someone who you think you’d like to have sex with, but you’re trying to slow things down:

You: “So let’s light the candles, turn the music on, maybe take a bubble bath together…then we can make slow lurrrve.”

On the other hand, the guy is ready to get to the good stuff:

Man: “Yeah…or we skip all of that and just have sex!

Over the years, I have realized that women tend to focus on the romantic, emotional side of sex, whereas men just want to make it happen.

So what can you do about what men really want in bed when it comes to rushing the process? Try to find a balance. Give him the reassurance of knowing that you’re a sure thing…but let him know you’re worth waiting for. That will only make his anticipation build, and when you finally do have sex, it will be mind-blowing!

5. He Wants to Know What You Want

Don’t be shy about telling him what you like!

Sadly, we have been programmed to be embarrassed to talk about sex, about the things we want or don’t want in the bedroom. A ton of people are shy about expressing what they want sexually, but I encourage you to find your voice because that’s when sex gets truly amazing.

Don’t be shy in telling him what turns you on, what you like, what you want. And on the same token, be inquisitive to find out what arouses him. What does he really want in bed? How can you increase his pleasure?

Knowing what one another wants sexually makes for beautiful emotional and physical intimacy. When you’re with someone that you trust enough to open up about what you want, you create a deep emotional connection.

If you’re not comfortable having a sitdown conversation about this, just tell him you like what he’s doing in the moment. If you want him to do something differently, tell him or direct him to something you prefer more.

6. He Wants You to Have an Orgasm

What’s sexy to him? Turning you on!

This man wants you to have an orgasm, trust me. Contrary to popular belief, most men aren’t into sex just for their own pleasure. Helping a woman orgasm can be arousing on its own and can make him feel like a burly man’s man.

My advice? Let him! Help him help you. Part of that starts with you communicating your wants. But as you become more comfortable around your partner, you should find it easier to enjoy sex more and more, and hopefully orgasm over and over.

Let him know when you do have an orgasm (or 10!). Not every man can tell when a woman has an orgasm, so he may need a little reassurance that he did well. Trust me: he’ll light up with pride when you tell him.

Conclusion:

Now that you know more about what men really want in bed, tell our Sexy Confidence community what you’re going to try next! We’re all friends here. Leave a comment below.

I hope that this sexy topic helps you give your man what he wants and that it helps you strengthen your connection.

Build that anticipation (and make him wait just a little bit) by sending him sexy texts before you do the deed. Download my free Love Texting Report to get ideas you can use for your own texts!

The post What Men Really Want in Bed: 6 Things Men Secretly Want You to Do appeared first on Sexy Confidence.

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My HIV Story: In the End, I’m Grateful

I grew up in a very religious household where being gay was considered a sin. Even as young as three years old, I remember liking boys, but didn’t know why and didn’t see why my parents were so vehemently against it. Because of their upbringing, I suppressed my desires towards boys until I was nineteen and my parents had separated. Their separation distracted them from what I was doing behind closed doors.

I was struggling with if I should come out or not, or if it was safe since the passing of my grandmother (the only openly supporter of gays in my family), and the separation of my parents was already going on. I stayed with my mom and brother after the divorce. She lost house after house, and we eventually moved into a motel where I spent three months sleeping on the floor. I was deeply depressed.

My life was a mess and going nowhere. I wasn’t in school or working, and I spent my days on my phone watching YouTube. That is where I discovered a dating app called Grindr. A YouTube star, Shane Dawson, mentioned it in a comedy skit he had done and very vaguely described what it was for. It piqued my interest enough for me to download it. I began to use it as a vehicle to explore my attraction to other guys.

The first time I went on Grindr felt like people like myself surrounded me. I very quickly realized this app was a safe space for gay men to find other gay men to hook up with rather than to date. As a nineteen-year-old guy, sex was a huge part of exploring my sexuality. Not long after chatting with an older man, we decided to meet up. I asked him if he was “clean” and he said yes. Clean is a slang term used to describe one’s sexual health status; being clean is to be free of STIs; therefore, the implication of not being clean is “dirty.” Now, in my nineteen-year-old naivety, I believed him when he said he was STI free. I don’t know if it’s the fact that I live in a more conservative city where sex education is sub-par, and sex was discussed in very little detail, and gay sex was not even mentioned.

I was unaware of the high STI rates in my country and of the stigma that comes with testing, leading to many STIs being transmitted just out of fear of getting tested. The older man and I had unprotected sex. I was overwhelmed with adrenaline and elated to have sexual intimacy with a man finally, but it came with a price. I contracted HIV from the first person I ever slept with. A random stranger from Grindr. I never got his name, nor did I care to at the time. I didn’t find out until six months after the hookup, that I had contracted HIV. February 19, 2014. I knew he had given it to me because he was the only person I had ever done anything with and I don’t use drugs. I contacted him immediately after finding out, but he adamantly denied giving it to me and blocked me on Grindr. I created countless new accounts but never saw him online again. To this day I have no idea if he ever went and got tested or treated or how many other men contracted HIV from him.

I was infuriated and felt all hope of living a normal life left me. I wasn’t out to my parents yet, and now I was a stereotypical gay person: a disease-ridden man who liked other men. I battled with thoughts of keeping this information to myself and letting the disease kill me or of telling my parents and possibly being disowned. After sitting with these feelings eating away at me inside, I finally broke down and told my mother.

She thought I was joking when I told her, but when I started uncontrollably sobbing next to her, she broke down too and said to me that she would always love me no matter what. That night, we talked for hours about what I needed to do moving forward to get help, and she told me that we would figure this out.

My mother’s reaction made me feel more confident in disclosing my status to my dad, but his response was not parallel with my mother’s. My father told me that he was disappointed in me and berated me with questions on how I could have possibly let this happen as if this was something that I had actively sought out. His reaction did the opposite effect that my mother’s did, and I wasn’t sure how I would tell my two closest friends, Helen* and Kelly*.

I feared facing the same reaction as my dad, so I told them separately and in different ways. With Helen, I told her on a rainy day after grabbing food while sitting in her car. She reacted with sympathy but followed that day with a week of ignoring me. She eventually told me that she was scared for me and didn’t want to lose me, so she distanced herself from me. Kelly is my best friend and was the hardest person to tell, so I messaged her mother, Diana, and told her what was going on with me and asked her if she could tell Kelly. Diana was like a second mother to me and reacted in the same manner that my mother did: with love and support. Diana agreed to tell Kelly, but she responded the same way as Helen. My two closes friends ignored my existence after receiving my devastating news.

My depression had gone to the next level, a level at which I never wanted to return to. Nine days after my diagnosis, I attempted suicide for the first time. I was institutionalized for a few days and saw therapist after therapist, as well as a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist told me that I would live a normal life, but I didn’t believe him. I hadn’t been taught that while growing up and thought I was going to die prematurely. In March of 2014, I, along with my parents, met with an infectious disease doctor who went over in detail what HIV was, the history of it, and how the medication she would put me on worked to suppress the virus within my body. She assured me that I would be fine, this didn’t sink in yet though. It wasn’t until my second suicide attempt that I would finally become okay with having HIV and believe what I had been told by two separate doctors.

My dad had a co-worker whose aunt had been diagnosed with AIDS in 1984 and brought her to meet me at the mental institution. Her name was Cynthia. She was in her mid-sixties. She smiled when she saw me sitting in my tears at a table in the visitor’s area. She came over, and I stood up to shake her hand, but instead, she gave me a big bear hug. I collapsed into her warm embrace and cried. She hugged me even tighter, stroked my hair, and told me that everything was going to be okay. When I finally calmed down long enough to catch my breath, she wiped the tears from my face and told me about herself. She told me about her diagnosis, what she had gone through, the reality of living with HIV, and what others were going to say. But she assured me that life was a gift and that even with HIV it was still going to be great!

Cynthia wasn’t wrong when she told me about the kinds of ignorance on HIV I would encounter being HIV positive. I have a laundry list of what I wish people not living with HIV knew about it. First and foremost would be student education. When I was in high school, I was taught things about HIV as if it were still 1981. I wasn’t informed about new medical advancements in screening for HIV or about progress in medication for HIV treatment and prevention. This lack of education has impacted millions of people’s perception of HIV and consequently how they go about behaving towards those who have HIV.

On two separate occasions, I had someone close to me think that just by being around me they would somehow result in contracting HIV. They avoided seeing me for over two months after finding out that I was positive, just out of ignorant fear of me being contagious. They dislike germs which is understandable, but their lack of knowledge on HIV deeply offended me and made me feel like I should be put on an island away from “clean” people. The second time I encountered this fear was at my aunt’s house. I was visiting my cousin, and her mom entered the room, offering a glass of water. I graciously accepted the water, and we all moved out into the living room to catch up. Once I finished the water, my aunt took the glass into the kitchen and proceeded to throw it away right in front of me. I almost broke out into tears right then and there.

I also wish people had an accurate perception of HIV (especially in the gay community). I have encountered so many guys who were willing to hook up before I revealed my HIV status, but after I told them, they’d change their minds and didn’t want to hook up anymore. Most of those guys that turned me down were willing to have unprotected sex with me until they found out that I have HIV. The reason this bothers me is because of that ignorant mentality is how I ended up with acquiring it in the first place. Someone saying that they are HIV negative doesn’t mean they are, nor does someone saying that they are positive mean that they can or will pass it on. Condoms are not one-hundred percent effective in preventing the transmission of STIs even when used properly. Hook up culture in the gay community is full of promiscuity, which is perfectly okay, but everyone should be responsible and properly educated on STIs, risk factors, getting tested for STIs routinely, and being open to discussing sexual health statuses. Grindr is one hookup app that has done a phenomenal job at trying to combat the stigma that comes with HIV and educate the LGBTQ+ community that uses the app about HIV and also what it means to be undetectable.

The ignorance about HIV and stigma that surrounds it is depressing, heavy, and sometimes frightening. I have been sent death threats on online dating apps, been called names, and shunned by members from all kinds of communities for being forward with my HIV status.

I am so upfront and open about my status because of the stigma that people living with HIV are sick whores that are going to live a short and unfulfilling life is entirely false. I struggled to get to a point where I accepted my HIV status, but now I feel amazing. I’m in school studying American Sign Language with a 3.91 cumulative GPA. I’m looking forward to the bright and rich future I have ahead of myself; life is amazing in spite of having HIV. I spent the first year thinking about how my life would be different if I didn’t have HIV, but now I’m so grateful that I got it. I have learned and grown so much because of this. I’ve become a better person, and with that, have been able to educate those close to me about HIV and help destigmatize the disease. I understand the reasons why some view HIV as a negative life event, but by educating others about HIV, I believe society will become more accepting and less afraid of those living with HIV.

Through my couple years at college, I have been able to share my story and spread love and positivity about HIV; I plan to continue to share my story, at a four-year school and expand people’s perceptions of HIV thanks to my experiences and the knowledge I’ve gained since being diagnosed.

** Names were changed and everything was anonymized for the student’s privacy **

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