tulipsouls

[tulipsouls]

visualize the life you want, then walk away from anything that doesn’t match that vision.

[tulipsouls]

planning to get back to penpalling, mind joining me, or perhaps could i write you a letter?

[tulipsouls]

to a jeepney stranger,

today, i've decided to dedicate this letter to you. you may not be aware of the things that i'm about to tell you and might never be aware since this wasn't addressed correctly, given that we're nothing but strangers. but to tell you, the short jeepney encounter we had this afternoon was something i'm thankful for. let me tell you how i ended up in that jeepney where i sat next to you, soaking wet from the rain. well, i had another 'episode of having a hard time sleeping' and just had a few hours of sleep, but since i'm very unlucky, i woke up earlier than usual and couldn't put myself back to sleep again. I felt the weight of my thoughts surrounding me, so I decided to take myself into an unwinding session by going somewhere unexpected—sailing off the map, to be exact.

the sun was shining the moment i got out of the house, that i didn't bother bringing an umbrella with me and got onto a bus going south. on the other side of my seat was a couple heading to a shopping mall, so when i had to pay, i decided to make it my destination as well. there are a few things that i love the most when going out alone—aside from the idea that I have myself as my own company, there's something about the silence that calms me regardless of the noise of the environment. another is that i have this habit of walking endlessly whenever my head is clouded with thoughts, it felt like i'd be able to leave crumbs of my despair with every step that i'd be making. during the whole ride, i was observing through the window, looking at how the world seemed to be so tiny and simple from this view of mine. i got out of the bus, the wind embraced my whole body with coldness. i cast my gaze on where i should head next, somewhere that would relieve the ache i was feeling. as i scan the whole place, here comes the people chatting back and forth, so I went near a bench—to where i think i've decided to just sit and observe for a while.

i went running some errands that i had no idea existed until i saw it right in front of my eyes and, of course, sat by the national bookstore for hours (i know, a bookworm... you'd say). it felt like i entered my own realm, and all the sadness drifted upon entrance. i did a lot for someone lost in her own tracks, i'd say i topped out at being the most productive one. so, getting back to reality, when i was planning to head out with waffles in both hands; the rain start pouring so, i run as fast as i could in a small shelter to save my waffles from being soaked and ended up eating them in just a few minutes, which wasn't quite satisfying.

as soon as i finished up, i rushedly headed towards the terminal, and luckily, i was able to ride the jeepney—as the last one to fill in the tiny vacant seat where only half my butt could actually fit. that's where i sat next to you, same age, i guess. maybe i was just overthinking it, but your style, along with your grocery bag, appears to be straightforwardly simple. parallel to us were a bunch of teenagers in a group of five, never did i ever imagine how i could see someone's wealth that much in their overall outfit and stuff. it wasn't a necessary observation, not until a child climbed up the jeep and started soliciting from us. i don't mean to generalize, but those teens in front of us laughed and trashed the little envelope handed to them. meanwhile, you were there. gave the child a bread, specifically a spansih bread (not sure if i saw it right) and smiled, saying, 'keep safe'. it might mean nothing to everyone, but that simple act meant a lot to that kid and me, it helped me validate my emotions to the point where i only needed to receive a little kindness in my life once in a while to get a grip of everything and not to get mocked for my downfalls.

you still don't get it do you?

here, "life is simple", pretty sure that thousands of people have used that quote by now and i couldn't agree more. as you can see..

we are born.

raised or not, we still grow.

alone or not, we discover.

good or bad, we meet new people.

cautious or free, we ache.

by choice or not, we die.

however, there's something that we've been blinded to. from every difference that we've been using to compare each other, we end up equal, but we've forgotten how we become unequal in terms of the "means" and 'circumstances' that we have in getting through that certain point.

and as you can see, it doesn't matter to society as it lies in between.

photo and words - tulipsouls ✿

[tulipsouls]

there are things that comes along our way, thinking they are useless and not needed. no, they are not sent for nothing. we just need to find out the appropriate way of taking control of it. the world will turn upside down and these things that we thought are useless can be this valuable.

[tulipsouls]

sweet foods are better than sweet words.

donuts are as sweet as chocolates. it has different flavors. it has strawberry flavors. some of those didn’t reach my standard when it comes to words, a typical sweet words. they sugarcoated some phrases to their proses—as if they would catch my heart but it could not. i ordered hundreds of candies in the sweetshop just to give it to myself as a cherished gift. i would choose original sweet foods than your sourish words—lies at its finest.

just like the cake, it’s most appealing when it comes to appearance. even on the inside, it has heart-melting filling. and sad to say, you didn’t have that. you just showed your love when you were in public places but when you were behind people’s shadow, you were so cruel. that’s why when you were saying flowery words, bubble gums were pulling me with them and chewed it, instead—because your words were not unbelievable.

so now, tell me, honey. would you spend your time eating sweet foods with me rather than hearing the words of those man whose always did was to hurt you with their powerful lies?

#spilled inks

[tulipsouls]

perhaps it has costs us our protected peace.

[tulipsouls]

to what extent of chaos could the society be, when we most likely feel lonely and miserable despite the love and support that everyone seems to show us.

[tulipsouls]

enlightenment hurts. for a long time you'd feel like you're losing yourself in the process of surrendering the rusty parts of you that makes you feel useless. and sometimes impatience will seep through your skin, making you wanna rebel for not getting anywhere. but even in your avoidance you still feel it incessantly reminding you of your full potential, and your heart would mourn for you, which would then cause you another heartbreak to free you from your escapade.

then you're back at it again.

so please bethink: relapsing is normal. failure is the price for growth. delays are chances given to embed the struggles in your heart; thus serving as your compass in case history will come to repeat itself. because the ecstasy upon arriving at your destination can overpower all that you had experience. linger still, we will get there.

[tulipsouls]

whatever phase in life you are into, i hope that you’d always choose to keep going.

[tulipsouls]

i really recommend having a routine to ground yourself. when things inevitably get hard, there should already be a few things you know that will soothe your spirit. for me it’s making milk, reading a book, listening to music, writing a journald and limiting my social media presence.

so, what’s your routine?

[tulipsouls]

my favorite place is my bed.

everything about it is perfect and i am not even talking about the size nor its design. it is just pure in a way that it has become my haven for a long time. my bed gives me relief after a depressing and tiring day. i get a different remedy the moment my back touches the soft foam of my bed, after my comforter starts to cover and embrace me, and when my pillow provides me the comfort i demand the whole time. however, it is not just about the sense of solace, it is also the realization that it gives me. when i am in bed—in a pretty comforting bed, i am reminded that at some point despite my exhaustion and frustration, i am still lucky to have a good bed that can relax my soul and body. it reminds me that i am still here and fortunate enough to have a comfortable bed whenever i feel stressed.

i am lucky to have a bed.

[tulipsouls]

I feel like the hardest part of going through trauma is never being able to tell people the full extent of what happened because nobody wants to know the full details if any. So you are left with secrets and scars forever and no one truly knows the full extent of how badly you've been hurt. You dont want to make people upset or angry but you desperately need someone to really understand. It’s indeed a lonely place to be.

[tulipsouls]

heads up, humans!

this is an open diary of another girl caught in here own blues and wanders. expect random thoughts, proses, poetry, short stories, and daily remindes—all based in my pespective. also, i'm open for interactions so feel free to send me a message. don’t worry, this is a safe place <3

note: all written works are all owned by me, please ask permission and give credits whenever you'd be reposting it.

xoxo, tulipsouls

[tulipsouls]

i fell in love with silence.

at last — i am no longer bitter and sad

about things and how they all turned out.

in the end, my mind is at peace and my

heart is not at war. silence has become

my friend instead of something i am

running from.

here i am falling in love with the stillness

and calmness of my heart, for i learned

how to float in the ocean, ride waves

if i have to and somehow sail on my own.