tunkyra

[tunkyra]

Today, I decided to listen to Distractible for the first time while doing my Microbiology notes. And I didn’t regret one second of it.

I have been watching Markiplier for years on end, and the Three Peens in a Pod was one of the best part of his channel. I think Bob and Wade deserves a shit ton more credits than they are currently receiving, because Mark by himself was entertaining enough, but boy the three of them was powerful enough to send me to Pluto just with the gas I let out as I laugh and fart at the same time.

Honestly, I don’t have a clue why I procrastinated for so long when it comes to listening to Distractible. I’ve always loved to listen to videos while doing other stuffs, so the idea of a podcast is supposed to be as interesting. But something just doesn’t sit right about podcasts to me for some reason. Probably ADHD schticks. But when Mark mentioned a couple times already in his videos that Bob had a rage fit while getting his new refrigerator installed and it was effing beautiful, I knew I had to listen to it sooner or later.

Mark was right. The ‘Bob’s fridge’ episode was a chef kiss kind of perfect. It was as hilarious as the most hilarious thing you’ll ever find on earth. It had drama, conflict, buildup, the climax, the setup…. everything about the episode was world class. I find myself unable to hide my grin throughout the entire episode, I looked like I was plotting a bank heist, but I don’t care. Mark was right, Bob’s rage fit was the most hilarious thing in the world and I live by it every day.

However, that is not my point for this post.

Bob’s fridge episode got me hungry for more, so I listened to another episode called “Supernatural”. Bob went first with his fabricated story titled Seasons Don’t Fear the Reaper, They Fear the Titties and went on how his ‘mother made him obey curfew hours or he would be smothered to death by one hantu tetek’.

Hold up.

Excuse me, what?

Hantu…. tetek?

Am I hearing this right?

FYI, I am born and raised Malaysian. And therefore, I understood exactly what the two words meant. What my brain could not register is that that word was coming from the mouths of three Americans with millions of followers combined and probably did not know my dinky country existed. Am I sure I was listening to Markiplier and his two side chicks? Yah, I sure was.

First thing first, thank you for embracing the not-so-graceful part of the Malaysian culture, one that I have not heard in years. Yes, I validate that that folklore does exist, and I have heard a lot about it. Though, my version was a tiny bit different, as my uncle used to call me the hantu tetek, because as a baby I gave no mercy to my mother when it comes to breastfeeding time. The interpretation is universal, it’s up to you to take from any angle.

So, I’ll tell you what I know about the hantu tetek.

On a typical basis we refer it more as a hantu kopek than a hantu tetek, my guess was because the word tetek is actually a rather vulgar word in Malay. So much so that we prefer to call breasts as buah dada (literally translated as breast fruits lol). Kopek is apparently also used to describe breasts, which is why this term is also used to address this creature. Calling around that t-word is bad enough to be considered as insult and in my personal reference, I also am not comfortable in saying that word a lot. So, for the sake of my sanity, I will address this creature as either hantu kopek or just, it.

Another possible reason of why the name hantu kopek is more familiar is because it was popularised by a locally renowned Hantu Kak Limah universe, which the antagonistic ghost Kak Limah was a hantu kopek herself (or is she? I can’t remember). Majority of my generation (including myself) came to know of this creature thanks to this film series, but the story of it has been lingering in our customs for nobody knows how long. For decades, or maybe centuries, parents had been using this name to scare the children from going back home past dusk, a time where they believed the devilish syaitan starts to roam the horizon.

The practice of scaring the shit out of a child with unnatural stories to coerce them into obedience is common back then, when formal education isn’t a thing. In fact, there is an astronomical amount of ridiculous stories similar to this one, some of which we still follow to this day, for the sake of conserving our beautiful (and terrifying) customs.

Some remarks I would make of Bob’s presentation of the hantu kopek:

Bob : it is a non-fiction.

Me : As much as you freaks wanna believe it exists, it is sadly a fiction. It does not exist, there’s no known encounters with one hantu kopek, even from people who works with supernatural beings for a living. It was made up solely to prevent young men from going back late by dusk.

Bob : it smothers you to death with its humongous bazongas.

Me : Technically yea, but historically accurate hantu kopeks is said to actually kidnap young lads and hid them under their comically schlong honkers.

So that concludes my little knowledge about a crack of the traditional Malay folklore. Anyway, I enjoyed the Distractible podcast so much, and I am sure you will enjoy too. Please check them out and spread the joy!

Distractible is available on everywhere you think you can find podcasts, including Spotify! #notsponsored