twilightspade

[twilightspade]

omg i'm back! (not that anyone cares lmao)

Let's be real, I haven't been around for a long time. And I have been through hell and back, time and time again, but I wrote this to inform my non-existent followers/supporters that I am back from the dead! But you know though, lately, I've been thinking and rethinking about a lot of my choices in life. I honestly don't remember the last time I posted here. It was probably around the time when I was still in the 11th grade but I digress. Since then, I have secured a humble paying job and profession despite being a university student, had my heart broken twice recently within the span of two months and survived a lot of shitstorm in terms of financial and/or academic situations. Along the way, there are things that I've done that I'm very much proud of and some that I now regret yet despite all that, I'm still here today. I'm kind of proud of myself for that. You know though, thinking about it, had I actually allowed myself to be consumed by my s**c*d*l thoughts, my family and the people I've known would have had drastically different lives; mine would cease to exist but in hindsight, I realized that I would change everyone I knew, to some degree. WHich is why I'm so glad I chose to live for myself and my dreams. Anyway, enough of the sappy bullshit. Long story short is, I'm glad to be here and share my thoughts to this void in the internet. So to you, random stranger who's reading this right now, enjoy the chaos! <3

[twilightspade]

upcoming new content

i've just finished making two of my channel's new content after my rebrand. the first one will be a trailer. the second is an explanation about the rebrand itself.

i am particularly excited because i will actually start to make videos that i actually enjoy putting out. not just for the sake of having content just like how i did it before. overall, i'm hyped up.

[twilightspade]

a very cheesy pick-up line

you're not pikachu, but i choose you

[twilightspade]

let's talk about my crush (bc y tf not?)

This is going to be a long one (kind of) so strap yourself in. Alright, so my crush isn't the most attractive guy out there in existence. He's not hot or handsome but he is exceptionally smart and hardworking. He's very plain looking despite our obvious differences in lifestyle and economic situation. He's very passionate about what he loves and his best feature is his smile. That smile that makes his beautiful eyes disappear whenever he smiles from ear to ear. Honestly, I could go on talking about him for a whole day, pointing out a lot of things that I like about him but I never remember encountering a thought that made me go, "Yeah, I like this person. Therefore, he will be my love interest from now on." So there's that, just putting it out there. Anyways, starting off, I guess I liked him since the beginning but I was too shy to even say anything at first. Back then, I thought this certain guy and I had something going. Turns out, that person was unavailable and is already taken. Knowing me, I immediately backed off because people in relationships aren't any of my business anymore. My current crush, he's this one guy whom I almost forgot the existence of (but I did like him, as in like an admiration, a very shallow crush) and I remembered just how I never talked properly to this guy since the moment we met virtually. I waited for a chance and thankfully, I got it soon enough. He wasn't as hard to try to talk to as I have expected so you can just imagine the relief I felt. We know each others' name, but other than that we don't know anything else about each other so it was understandable why I still asked him if it would be alright for him if I would scoot away from the "acquaintance zone" and he was hella kind for his own good so he said something along the lines of "Yeah, sure, no problem." I didn't actually speak to him properly until a few more months and after our initial conversation, we just sparked. We were talking about lots of things, sometimes even talking for the whole day while I'm attending my classes and he's attending his as well. I sort of distanced myself because of this one time where we were talking to each other without me knowing that he hasn't done most of the things in his queue that day which knocked on my conscience for the entirety of that day. Overall, I think he's very sweet and charming. It's just that the absurdity I feel towards myself for crushing on someone online is as strong as it gets. But at this point, I'd just wish for this pandemic to end so that I can actually meet him in real life. Until then, guess I'll just have to hold it back like how I always do because to be fair, crushing on someone that you just met online is super weird on its own.