twinkletwinklenebula

[twinkletwinklenebula]

28

I didn't think I'd come back to one of my most visited forms of social media over 10 years later. What brought me back is the nostalgia felt of having this space to blog my thoughts and emotions during the most difficult times of my life. I realized that healthy habits need to be consistent and writing is an outlet that will continue to be a crucial part of my life for growth and processing my emotions. The only difference is that I choose to be anonymous this time.

It's been a little over 2 weeks since I've turned 28. As I started to reflect, I've learned a lot in my 20's but I don't want to spend the last 2 years making the same mistakes or worrying about the future.

Each year carried a personal milestone and life lesson, there's a difference between reading articles with the same advice and actually experiencing and learning these lessons personally.

Here are my 7 life lessons:

20: Change happens from within

I was in my third year of college and felt like I hit rock bottom. I've been struggling with depression and anxiety since starting college and managed to put on 100 lbs within the first two years as I looked to food and binge eating to cope and avoid the emotions I didn't want to process. While I was far into my engineering program, it really wasn't for me. There was this constant pressure and uncertainty of wanting to finish this program that worsened my anxiety, I had to make a decision.

During the fall semester, I took business courses to transfer to the College of Business in hopes Finance or Accounting would work out (not to mention the parental pressure of graduating as soon as possible and to commit to a program). It was my first turning point as I finally listened to what I wanted rather than what I felt my parents or peers thought was best for me. I also managed to see a dietician to start my weight loss journey as I wanted to commit to a healthy life style, not just a fad diet I found on the internet. Eight months later, I entered 21 about mid-way through my weight loss journey.

21: Confidence in yourself and BEING yourself is attractive

Feeling more energized and comfortable in my body from the weight loss, I started going out again, caught up with friends and even felt comfortable being in group photos. I got into the Finance program in college and started making new friends but it wasn't long until my thoughts and anxieties started to bring out new insecurities. Because of the timing of the weight loss and the new "confidence" gained through my journey, I started to fear that I'd lose friendships or "fitting in" if I put on weight again. As a result, I picked up on unhealthy habits to keep the weight down and threw off my own menstrual cycle and body's natural hunger cues. What I didn't realize was that I also started to be myself around people again because I felt comfortable going out - which was a big change from wanting to be invisible everywhere I went. The only person that would have rejected myself if I gained weight again was me.

22: Heartbreak happens but you cannot force someone to love you

After my four year relationship ended, I tried everything I could to save the relationship. Tried to change myself, told him I would work on any thing I may have done to ruin the relationship - I blamed myself for everything. I believed that we could make things work and that I was the problem. In reality, we just wanted different things and carried different values. All my insecurities I judged myself for had nothing to do with the break up. After processing all the hurt and anger, my perception changed and even respected him more as a person for his honesty. Break ups are not easy for both parties but we knew it wasn't going to work in the end. I just didn't want to accept that.

23: Therapy doesn't make you any less of a person

After I graduated college, the first thing I wanted to do was look into a therapy program. Not just behavioral therapy but one that would help address these unhealthy patterns and negative thoughts that I would constantly believe and live through. After a few intake visits with several psychologists, I finally committed to a CBT program specifically aimed to address issues with acceptance and commitment. Much of my anxieties and unhealthy patterns revolved around trying to be in control of everything and finding ways to prepare for the worse if something did go wrong. I started to learn techniques to diffuse from my emotions and thoughts such as mindfulness and daily body scans. I'm proud to say five years later, I've seen much growth since my first intake appointment even if I'm still seeing my doctor.

Therapy has helped me learn to process my emotions in a way that works for me. It does not forfeit your independence nor does it make you any less of a person for wanting to develop better life skills that work for you.

24: Find a balance between saving money and enjoying life

When I was 24, I was still living at home and loved the advantage of living rent free and debt free. However, my parents always had a mentality of saving money for retirement and emergencies - I didn't want to spend any of it. It was depressing seeing my friends travel, experience new places and shop for all the things they wanted yet I was too scared to enjoy or let loose. It wasn't until I finally pulled the trigger to take a trip to Japan (quite impulsively) but I enjoyed every moment with absolutely no regrets. Upon returning, the first thing on my mind was that I wanted to go back and travel to new countries and see the world beyond the pictures I always scroll through. The money spent on this trip was worth every penny and I also learned that I wouldn't want to do all this walking and traveling when I'm too old to even enjoy it. From there, I started to budget for trips and other purchases I wanted in life. Life is too short to live the same day twice right?

25: Perfection doesn't exist

I'll get back to this one later.... (no pun intended)

26: It's OK to take a break (and you also lose your parents insurance)

I turned 26 during the pandemic and was also laid off from my job because they no longer needed my role since our team had to work remotely. Honestly, it felt like I lost part of my identity not having a routine and I felt like a complete failure that I didn't have a job. However, I took this time to re-evaluate my sense of self and the hobbies and parts of myself that I abandoned when I spent those extra hours working. It took a while for me to get used to having this "break" but I appreciated taking the time to let myself reflect on what I really wanted to do with my life and to process the emotions I felt when I first lost my job.

27: Slow down