twitteringnerdsneverfly

[twitteringnerdsneverfly]

Hi 😊 When Doumeki says at the end that he will come back, why do you think Yashiro is asking exactly that? Is he saying this sarcastically or with the hope that Doumeki will say the opposite?

Hello! 🤗 I am so happy to keep getting asked questions lol that people want to know my opinion!! Thank you Anonymous! 🥰

This is a great question. Why indeed is Yashiro asking that?

I honestly believe it's the latter of what you suggested - Y wants to hear D contradict him or say the opposite but he doesn't want to hear it as well.

Yashiro's often says the opposite of what he wants and what he means and it's really hard to get a straight / direct genuine answer from this guy - which was why the "I do" in Chapter 56 or "I like it / you" ambiguity was such a big thing.

There's also another chapter, and unfortunately I am not as well versed on Saezuru as other people here 😅 when Yashiro and Doumeki are walking through a building, I think it's a hotel, and Yashiro is hounding Doumeki with questions and even asks about himself, "What's up with this womanly way of speaking?"

This is way earlier on in the manga (does anyone know the chapter I'm referring to?). Yashiro says something like, "You only did that, because..." [Insert any reason other than genuine care and affection here]. And it's like Yashiro wants to hear a contradiction but also doesn't want it.

He tries to justify / downplay some kind of significance of Doumeki's behaviour cuz no no no way could it ever be love! Nope! It can't be genuine affection!!

So I think you're right in that Yashiro wants to hear a contradiction yet we all know that if Doumeki said something as sincerely as "Because I love you", he'd most likely never see Yashiro ever again.

Ahhh I wish I could collate now all the times Yashiro asks Doumeki a question because so many times the answer is so obvious and staring Yashiro in the face but it's also like Yashiro wants to hear the answer but doesn't want to hear the answer at the same time.

I honestly believe that until Yashiro accepts the betrayal and horror of what's happened to him, and acknowledges the way all his tastes aren't really his desires, just a twisted way to handle his trauma, and that deep down he just wants to be loved and treated well, he won't be able to handle any truth of Doumeki's sincere feelings.

Until then Yashiro will stay in this conflicted state of wanting to know but not wanting to know, wanting to be with Doumeki and pretending to not want him around.

Yashiro will remain turbulent and contradictory, until he embraces the painful truth.

So he will keep asking this questions that he wants but doesn't want to know the answer to.

And my boy Doumeki did the right thing in saying jack shit 😎

I think Doumeki knows now is not the time for any confession or lovey dovey talk.

It's Yashiro's move now.

Yashiro I think actually needs to start asking himself more questions.

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #twittering birds never fly #yashiro x doumeki #saezuru meta

[twitteringnerdsneverfly]

Today I'm thinking about:

How loyal Doumeki is 🐶

How much I want Yashiro to embrace Doumeki and let himself be loved and to love with his whole entire self uninhibited 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔

Yashiro it's ok to be broken and weak and vulnerable. You don't have to be a smooth smug cat all the time 😼

I wanna see Yashiro turn into a vulnerable puppy-eyed mushy wreck in love pls 😭❤️

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #twittering birds never fly #yashiro x doumeki #yashiro

[twitteringnerdsneverfly]

I'm currently watching this anime movie. It's made my Blue Lynx, the same company behind Saezuru and not even 10 mins in they already got a mini confession in there 😎🔥

This official poster is shit tbh - the animation is gorgeous and the feel of the anime is very evocative and beautifully done, whereas the pic below makes it look like a goofy Shonen Studio Ghibli 🤦🏼‍♀️

#stranger by the shore

[twitteringnerdsneverfly]

How do you think Yashiro will behave towards Doumeki now? Will he try to escape again and forget everything?

Hi Anonymous!!! I am happy to be asked another question 🥰❤️ I hope you manage to see the response as I can't @ you!

I don't think Yashiro will repeat what he did in the past.

Before, Doumeki was his subordinate and clung to Yashiro - Doumeki obviously developed feelings and Yashiro developed feelings too. And this is a no-go for Yashiro.

So he shot Doumeki, claimed to have forgotten him (although he's managed to remember a shit tonne of details post-time skip eheheheh 😏) and kicked him out of his group.

Yashiro is now in a completely different place to where he was 4 years ago: he doesn't have a group, the casino / Misumi is the only thing connecting him to the Yakuza world, he's impotent and he's let himself be even more abused sexually.

Yashiro has no reason to escape Doumeki because they are in no way now tied to each other / working together, with the boss/subordinate relationship of the past.

Doumeki is good for Yashiro and Yashiro's body knows it.

Yashiro, however, I think will suppress / reject / downplay any meaning behind the sex that he has with Doumeki and at the very most label it as, "it's just sex. It's what I do. Don't be surprised. I screw everyone. I screwed you, didn't I?" unless something happens that forces Yashiro's hand and true feelings to the surface.

This is what I'm really hoping for!!!

Jealous Yashiro who sees D with the lady! Or Doumeki gets hurt / kidnapped and Yashiro saves him! Doumeki is framed for something and Yashiro steps in and helps!

In answer to your question, I think Yashiro will be cool towards Doumeki, still his cruel cutting self outwardly but I don't think Y will run away this time.

Doumeki seems to have matured since pre timeskip and is a lot surer of himself, confident, and there is no longer a power imbalance between him and Yashiro so I think he'll take less of Yashiro's crap 🤭

But for now Yashiro will continue to deny any significance that Doumeki has to him (although look how many times now has this blond masturbated thinking of Doumeki seriously Yashiro look in your internal mirror pls)

What I want is for Yashiro to watch the USB video of himself having sex with Doumeki and for it to rattle Yashiro in that HE LOOKS IN LOVE YOUR HONOR. I think Yashiro's true feelings are about to break free even in a small lashing out, any chapter now.

I am excited with what's in store!!

But in my humble opinion, something external needs to happen to force Yashiro to realise that he has feelings for Doumeki, and Yashiro needs to act in a knee-jerk way, with his true feelings breaking through.

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #twittering birds never fly #yashiro x doumeki #saezuru meta #saezuru chapter 58 #saezuru ch 58

[twitteringnerdsneverfly]

A BL Platform For Everyone

NB: Please reblog this for visibility!

A little over two years ago, me and my BL crew were in our little chat sharing recommendations. 

Cat had an impressive spread sheet, Marcie and I had iCloud Notes, and it was pretty much chaos.

I looked at it and said out loud, "There has to be a better way for us to keep track of our reads and share recommendations. There has to be right?"

Cat said she wished someone would build a BL app with everything already there. Me, a developer of almost thirty years, paused while a floodlight (not a light bulb) went off in my head.

“Well I could maybe build one… cause like, I build stuff. How would that be?”

By the end of the conversation Cat had invited me to build an app for BL. 

Four weeks later, in late February of 2022, digitaljuicy.com was online. 

In the last couple of years, I’ve been listening to the fandom, paying attention to feedback, poured over analytics, read your responses to the Reader’s Survey and continued to craft a platform with all this in mind.

What I have been building is 100% for us... there is nothing but BL and it is an attempt to encompass ALL of BL. Not just the bits and pieces.

But for two years I've been struggling. Struggling in many ways, but specifically to get what I wanted out of the platform. I tried and failed so many times.

In September of 2022 I tried to raise venture capital to build the platform I wanted for us. I pitched it to accelerators and true blue venture capital.

Juicy is what is called 'pre-seed'. Which means were still so new and evolving, under-resourced and while there was interest, there was no joy. No funding was raised.

In December 2023, I realised it was time to rethink Juicy. i have been on the deepest dive for months rebuilding Juicy from the ground up and preparing the framework for the mobile app.

I’ve built something I want to use… and wild, I’m building it and using it as a fan at the same time. I'm at the point where it's impossible not to want to share.

And what kind of platform do I mean? At its most basic level:

You can track your reads, watches and plays

You can review and recommend the titles to the community, your friends, strangers on Twitter, your friend you're trying to corrupt outside the fandom. Your poison.

Timelines for you, for titles, for episodes, chapters… just about everything. I mean everything: The creators, the publishers, the studios, the actors... you can leave reviews and status posts on EVERYTHING. No algorithms, no force feeding... just discovery, recommendations and honest reviews by this community about our community and the industry we feed.

Collections! Lists of stuff you're reading, dropped, want to read, want to buy, love or hate, all pretty and organised and shareable..

A growing database resource of titles, tagged up to its eyeballs with a minutiae of data.. with reading an streaming links and anything else we find that we think is relevant.

But it is also a lot more than this.

I wanted it to be more than what it was. I want to turn Juicy into a mobile app, add some more functionality and more specifically, platform all of BL for its non-Asian fandom.

We get left out of so much, I feel like we need our own thing. 

I don’t know about ya’ll, but I was tired of being banned on social media for sharing content. How you gonna ban me for saying a 2D fictional character needs to be shot with shite and strung with cobweb? But they did… and I know it’s not just me.

What about the creators? How do they interface with the non-Japanese or non-Korean fandoms? On which misogynistic hell site?

What about the publishers and merchandisers? What about the little Etsy sellers? Why does BL have to hidden away in the databases of mangaupdates, anisearch and anilist? Why does every single manga tracker out there seem to have pitiful listings for BL? 

Is it because we’re a female or queer audience? 

Look at this lil video I made:

Either way, I’ve long felt it’s time for us to do our own thing. So I’ve been building it. Pixel by pixel. Feature by feature on my own.

Juicy has been a small chat group, but I’m the only developer. We’ve always been clear about what we wanted to build: A platform for the fandom, the creators, the publishers, the merchandisers… my goal is a one-stop platform for BL and I am damn close to presenting this new iteration.

This was and remains the core of what I’m building: The largest English platform for BL on the planet. The functionality is one thing, but building a database like that is not a one-person job.

So now I need your help.

First to keep the servers online, so I can continue to build and develop and finally, finally release the mobile app. I can't tell you how much I want that.

I’m close to pushing the new Juicy 3.0 out, and I’m very in love with the work I’ve done since December. It’s a new look, and it works 1000 times better than the previous iterations of Juicy.

I just have hit a wall financially, and need your help and support to get it over the line.

Juicy's ass is fat and I been carrying her mostly alone for two solid years. 

I’m going to launch a Kickstarter for this project in a bit so I can hire another developer  to help with the trickier bits and fine tune the mobile app, but for now, I felt a Patreon would at least help us keep the servers up and maybe, just maybe allow us to afford a few crucial bits that will elevate your experience as a user.

And because I’m a developer, and I can do some pretty kinky shit with APIs and such, if you support this Patreon campaign, you will get some nice feature perks on the platform automagically. You won’t have to pay again to access these perks in-app later.

As many perks as I can cook up anyway, not the least of which will be access to some of the nicer functions and features I’ve already built into the platform.

When the mobile app launches, you will get it first and for free! Plus we’ve been talking about a lot of other ways we can make the platform fun beyond what I've done already.

I plan to monetise the platform in various ways, but in a profit sharing model. You contribute to the database, you contribute content, you get a share of whatever the platform makes. This is already built into the system. This will be open to anyone willing, but to Patrons first.

Finally, I'm limiting the number of people who can subscribe via Patreon to 1000 people. Once we hit that number, the rolls will be closed to new membership, and everyone directed to the platform to pay for any services or merchandise.

My goal for this group of Patrons is that you become an exclusive and tightly knit inner circle.

My hope is that you will help me actively shape what Juicy will become. Your votes and say will carry weight. Your feature requests considered and if possible implemented first.

You will get access to exclusive merchandise, exclusive giveaways and promos (like free stuff), and exclusive programming from the team.

With your help we will produce an exclusive podcast for Patrons only discussing all things BL and Juicy (honestly our conversations are generally wild and hilarious... it will be a rollick for sure), along with other content for Patrons only. We've even planned watch parties and other fun shit... I swear, we want you all to be our greatest ambassadors so we are planning as many treats as we can.

Your access on the platform will be specific to your Patreon subscription and your treatment will be VIP for the life of your subscription.

Finally, the way my auADHD are set up, I have no interest in the dramas of the BL fandom, so this is never going to be about gatekeeping access to anything. It’s about making more access possible. You can help bring us all together and make us stronger as a group.

So do you think Digital Juicy sounds like something you’d like in on?

Okute Sea

Saezuru Murmurs

[twitteringnerdsneverfly]

There. Fixed it.

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #twittering birds never fly #yashiro x doumeki #saezuru ch 57

[twitteringnerdsneverfly]

DOUMEKI DOES LOOK LIKE A YOUNGER KAGEYAMA!!!!!!! 🤯😍

WHY IS EVERYONE IN SAEZURU GOOD LOOKING EHHHHH

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #twittering birds never fly #yashiro x doumeki

[twitteringnerdsneverfly]

Doumeki is sexy 🥰

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #twittering birds never fly #yashiro x doumeki #incaseyouhadntrealisedwinkwink

[twitteringnerdsneverfly]

Saezuru Chp 58 ⭐my wishlist!⭐

(I will take even a drop of the following):

Doumeki gets hurt and Yashiro drops everything to help / save him!!! *Swoon*

Yashiro makes up some bullshit why they need Doumeki back and will fight tooth and nail to get him back by his side 😌

Yashiro sees Doumeki with his lady and 1) gets super jealous and 2) gets off on it 😆 then quarrels with D about it

ANYTHING involving Yashiro looking for D, trying to get them alone together

Yashiro INITIATING SOMETHING - a touch, heck, even a lil movement / leaning on D, sleeping on him again, tapping his nose with a finger. In fact doesn't even have to be a full initiation, it can be an attempt / an inarticulate conversation that wants to bring D closer

Yashiro just give into your feelings and LOVE! 😭💔 (Maybe this is for chp 100)

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #twittering birds never fly #yashiro x doumeki #saezuru ch 58 #saezuru chapter 58

[twitteringnerdsneverfly]

Question to Saezuru fandom!

Does anyone have any ideas / can someone pls explain

In the beginning, Y is the one to initiate sexual contact with D even tho prior he said he wouldn't "touch any one of his underlings". Correct me if I'm wrong but D is the first one he's "touched" / initiated sexual contact with (tho there was this underling prior who fell in love with Y right? Did Y do any thing with him?)

Y keeps sucking D off until D because potent again

And since then he hasn't at all initiated anything with D

I think I already know the answer but I wanna hear someone else articulate it.

Why does Y keep sucking D when D is impotent but since D is no longer impotent with Y, Y initiates nothing when technically, Y is the one who started all this in the first place!

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #twittering birds never fly #yashiro x doumeki #saezuru fandom

[twitteringnerdsneverfly]

Is Yashiro’s sexuality innate or his another coping mechanism against his trauma, as if the trauma is too early (he said himself that he was raped even before knowing what affection was) and too severe that his brain restructures itself to survive?

Hi @kyrieren ! You are my first ask woo! 🥳 I am not a neuropsychiatrist however 😅 neither am I a psychologist, all I can give you is my personal opinion, and it may be very scientifically inaccurate!

However, I can add a caveat that I have personal experience with trauma (not Yashiro-type trauma tho) and I do have some friends irl who have had childhood trauma and these are merely my layman observations + research 🧐

Childhood attachment is an attachment theory of how we learn to develop, cope and bond with people in the world. It's said that your romantic attachment style will be your childhood attachment style because it's what you've grown up with, what you know, how to deal with the people closest to you. Romantic relationships tend to bring out your attachment style because parental and romantic relationships are usually the closest you are to another human being.

Given that childhood attachment teaches us how to relate to the world and people, this becomes familiar and what we know.

The worst childhood attachment style: insecure disorganised attachment.

This is when a child is betrayed by the caregivers around them, who are meant to provide a safe, secure, loving base and instead what the child receives is physical, sexual, emotional or neglectful abuse.

The brain gets fucked, it's scrambled, a child cannot comprehend what is happening. All you know as a child is that mom/dad/uncle/etc is hurting you and they are your caregivers, who you rely upon in this world.

Unfortunately, it is unbearable to think as a child that mom/dad etc is bad (how are you to cope / survive if the people you rely upon are either bad or don't love you?) so unfortunately what tends to happen are the following:

The child starts to think they're bad

The child starts to rationalise that they must deserve the punishment

That punishment is misconstrued as an act of love / given a positive spin

None of these are verbalised / articulated / rationalised states. A lot of the time they are subconscious, automatic.

Enter Yashiro.

IMHO, Yashiro's betrayal from his caregivers, his insecure disorganized attachment (which also he displays avoidant attachment traits too), is so severe that he has warped the trauma into a good thing. It is unbearable for him to think that his mom and step father have betrayed / abused him to such a degree so he has taken the most painful part of it, and fooled himself into thinking "it wasn't so bad, kinda liked it".

So in his adult sexual relationships Yashiro, in my opinion subconsciously, finds himself acting out the abuse again and again: hands tied, taken from behind, can't see the face. And claims this is his preference.

To deal with all the trauma, Yashiro's brain has combined the severity of the trauma that has left its mark upon his brain with "oh I'm addicted to sex, and sex in this particularly painful way" without adding everything together.

This fucked up way Yashiro has sex is his trauma and attachment all combined. Unspoken within the attachment are things like: this is what I must do to feel safe, this is what I must do to survive / get on the good side of this person.

Yashiro has a kind of detachment to his trauma or so he claims, yet it is so embedded in his brain as the norm that it's his preference because this type of sex is what is familiar.

So yes Kyrieren, in answer to your question, Yashiro's sexuality is his coping mechanism.

It's what he had to put up with to survive, and his brain has now twisted it to think it wasn't so bad, maybe he even liked it. It makes the trauma more digestible to Yashiro this way.

ENTER DOUMEKI.

Doumeki threatens this entire narrative Yashiro has given himself to cope, "oh I like sex this way, it's not so bad, I don't feel anything otherwise, this is what I want".

Yashiro HAD to believe he wanted / wants sex this way because he had no other choice. He was raped and abused. And he has done as best as any trauma survivor could.

Doumeki represents choice and also a shattering of Yashiro's previous beliefs and the super uncomfortable mirror that what happened to Yashiro was not OK, he was betrayed, painful sex is not the norm, nothing to do with his abuse is OK - he is now allowed and able to choose another way. But this is unfamiliar and scary for our dear Yashiro, and holds a lot of painful realisations.

Thanks to Kyrieren for asking the question!

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #twittering birds never fly #yashiro x doumeki #saezuru meta #saezuru fandom #saezuru analysis

[twitteringnerdsneverfly]

Re: Chapter 57

I have one thing to say to you Yashiro

I am proud of you, my son!

🤧😭

You didn't provoke Doumeki, you weren't mean, you didn't storm off or run away, you didn't shoot the love of your life -

You stayed.

Yes you reacted, yes your body protested, yes you were confused -

But you still had a bloody good time, you still took the tidbits of gentleness, and you didn't throw up (🤭)

You are doing great! And I hope your mind, body and heart follow suit in peace for the softness you desire and deserve.

We are all rooting for you 💞

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #twittering birds never fly #saezuru ch 57 #saezuru chapter 57

[twitteringnerdsneverfly]

Saezuru Chp 57 Thoughts: ✨ PROGRESS ✨ spoilers below the line

Firstly a massive thank you to @itwearsadress for making this accessible to all us international fans!

*Ahem*

In the words of Albus Dumbledore:

"Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery."

Spoilers below the line 👇🏻

IMHO, I call this progress.

Chp 56 had Yashiro dancing about lying, denying, doing his lil deflection jig like he always does. Post getting railed by D, 😏 he finds some post nut clarity:

"In spite of all that, I can't help myself - I get into it."

This is good!! Our baby bird has developed some self awareness!!! He IS into all the softness and gentleness even though it freaks him out, he digs it. Good. Y has established that for himself.

I do feel like Y is being too hard on himself at the end when he calls himself "completely incapable of growth".

If this were true, he would've shot Doumeki again and ran out (OK maybe not that extreme but u get my drift).

He is triggered by the softness - like any person would be if they had Yashiro's level of trauma riding on their back.

Yashiro feels like he wants to run away - but he doesn't.

D pushes it: extended kissing, rubbing their dicks together, nipple play and starts sucking Y - all these things that would be sexually pleasing for Y and Y reacts by pushing D hard. But! Y doesn't say anything snide or mean or do anything more here. Whereas D's reaction is pure gold:

😂😂😂💯

Doumeki has pulled the balance of pushing it, giving Y what he wants and doesn't want, as this newer version of Yashiro wants the gentleness but the older version of him rejects it.

D then gives in and resorts to the older, usual Yashiro's ways - just fucking him as per usual. Except with D, he wants to see Y's face 😏so does it from the front. I salute u sir Doumeki. 🫡

Yashiro beautifully represents every trauma survivor: every person stuck in cyclic behaviour linked to past trauma in search for a roadmap out, but the past is familiar and Different is scary. And our brains always picks the easiest option.

Nevertheless I have high hopes for Yashiro to push out of his "comfort zone" of painful sex and start to embrace this more loving way.

What I'd really love to see is Yashiro doing some initiating!!!! The last time he showed any interest is when he grabbed Doumeki to be his watcher instead post timeskip. I wanna see Yashiro pin Doumeki down for once!!

P.S I swear Tumblr if you fuck up this post I'm deleting you

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #twittering birds never fly #yashiro x doumeki #saezuru ch 57 #saezuru chapter 57

[twitteringnerdsneverfly]

Saezuru Chp 57

Chikara Doumeki, you beautiful bastard

I grade you:

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #twittering birds never fly #yashiro x doumeki #saezuru ch 57 #saezuru chapter 57

[twitteringnerdsneverfly]

Ch 57 is upon us

Alright folks here are the goods!

You can find the chapter at the links below:

MediaFire DL ⎹⎹ MangaDex

Since I didn't say this on my last couple of uploads I'm just gonna climb up on my soap box for a minute. I want to remind folks that I don't want these scanlations to end up on huge manga aggregate websites that ultimately make profit (whether from ad revenue or selling people's data, or whatever) from hosting scanlations that they themselves didn't create. Actually, even if the folks running those sites did make the scans themselves, I still think it would be wrong. I believe scanlations are an awesome way to introduce fans to new titles and keep international fans in the loop of titles that would otherwise take months or years to be officially available in their language (or never be available) so that's why I make them, but at the same time I don't think it's right for anyone except the original author to make money off them.

I know there's no way to really stop these scans from being uploaded to aggregate sites, but if you see them there, know that I didn't give permission for them to be uploaded.

Also, no shade to folks who do choose to use those sites - I certainly used many of those aggregate sites before I could read Japanese and before MangaDex was available - but now that something like MangaDex does exist I think we should support them! ^^

Alright, I'm getting off my soap box now.

Here's an image of D, accepting reality into his patient heart. <3

[twitteringnerdsneverfly]

Ch 57 Sneak Peek

I was trying to finish up some illustration work when the first sneak peek from B's Garden came out and I had to drop everything lol. Everyone, looooooooook (under the cut)

EDIT: I forgot to translate the title page! haha

Translation: The heart and the words are at odds

Ah, the boys just can't seem to say what they mean 🥲

[twitteringnerdsneverfly]

“Doumeki, go kick Inami’s ass”

“Yes boss”