ty-lok-blog

[ty-lok-blog]

This girl gets it.

Lmao I’m sad af and crying my eyes out and want to die. What else is new?!

[ty-lok-blog]

How do you feel tylok?

I exchange the #pain for something less plain- I pull out my 9 and I start to bang- Your life is mine to claim- Summoning #Satan is a different game- The worlds gone and Im to blame- Cracks in the earth holds a open flame- Only ones aloud in #heaven is the ones with baptismal names.- Still alive I have your main attached to a ball and chain- Tourchering is my sick game His head is yours to claim- I will be placed on the hall of fame- When I get like this my heart is inflamed./ In slow motion- I grab the potion-. After that Im the artic ocean-./ Cold as ice- I roll the dice- I pull out my knife and I start to slice- It adds spice to my life it makes you think twice. Does it make me feel good? #Thrice 

[ty-lok-blog]

1.

I don't even know where to start. I had like 3 paragraphs written but Idc what to say.. So I guess I will just say it.. Im not doing this for attention. I just have no one to talk to. I write raps/poems. (AnD I say poems because there isn't music) im just tired of feeling. I cry everytime I start to do this kinda thing but this is the first time I actually thought about Tumblr. I just want people to hear me out. Im not talking out of my ass at all when I tell them somethings wrong. Lets start from 2012. I was madly in love with this girl named Fallon. We were in school when we met. And she loved my style and I loved hers. She understood that I was a ride or die and she knew that I did dumb shit on the side. And the dumb shit consisted of doing any type of pill or smoking anything to get high. (Not meth or coke and shit) but I was 15.. I was smoking k2 (synthetic weed) and weed and I was doing triple cs (cough and cold medicine.) also just anything that I could get my hands on Frfr id be high 24/7 when I was that age.. But she didn't care... Like she knew I loved her.. She knew for a long time. I think it was because I was different. Everyone at school called me a fag because the way I dressed and how I acted... And it was that I didn't care. I was living life how I wanted to. But its kind of a jumbled mess so I guess get ready.. But through out school we would see each other and I knew she didn't like it after a while because I would call her and id slur my words.. Call her the wrong name doing everything that pretty much would cause for a break up. But I never cheated. Ever. I was just fucked up.. She stuck by my side. She understood that I was depressed she understood that I have a dysfunctional family. She knew that I didn't want to be here. But she made me feel better.. Yenno...? (Im Hella crying so sorry if im not making sense) her whole family is fucked up too tho. Her aunts on meth idk who her mom is and her dad used to beat her... So practically the same with me.. But different roles were played in my life. But after she had enough through school we moved into a hotel together at 17.. I dropped out because I was installing floors under the table with my uncle.. She stayed tho.. We were making money AnD spending it on that one room. 650 a month. For one room... We made it work for 6 months and my mom decides that she can if ally help the one son that's always been there for her.. (Idk why) ( I also know why I havmt killed myself yet but we will get to that later I guess) so she finds us a cheaper place... A 1 bedroom that's 350.. So basically half you feel me? But we live there for 3 years... And that was the best 3 years ive ever spent on this stupid earth. I had a dog named Charlie and a cat named ludo. I loved them both to pieces but Charlie got sick. He had hot spots all over and it cost alot of money to fix it... I mean I tried.. I really did... I spent like 1250 on this dog that I didn't have... I saw this puppy bloody in the back seat of my car. I had to carry him inside the vets I had blood all over me they told me how much it was and how long he was gonna be there... Mind you I had like enough for rent at the time...but fallons sister pulled through and gave us 300. It was like 662 the first time... So I didn't have enough for rent on time.. So there was a 50 dollar late fee no big deal.. Bottom line my dog was okay... Then I remember him being so happy after he was better.. I took him everywhere and I also let him sleep in the bed and he would snuggle me... Everything. He was the best... But it happened 2 times.. I had the money the second time so I paid for it. And I knew I couldn't afffors it everytime it happened. So I found him a rich person practically. His fine now.. I just never get to see him:/... (I havnt stopped crying) but his better... That's all that matters.. But after that.we got a second cat because you could tell ludo missed him... Everyone did. His name was morty. Cause he was a dork loll but we lived some more. Smoked alot of weed we kinda barely got over it.. And fallons aunt is addicted to meth baaad... So we let her cousin come and live with us.. That's when it all went down hill.. Anything I did I was in the wrong. In my house. Anything I said. It was wrong. In my house. So I told them that id be living in my room from now on. I took my big ass TV in there and they could live in the other room and id just stay in there.. So they started inviting Hella people over that they knew didn't like me and I didn't like them. So every time that would happen id leave... Long story short. Fallon and her cousin ended up leaving because I couldn't handle being dosrepected not just by actions but by words. I went crazy kinda. She broke all of my shit and took all of the other... When they left. I stayed in my bed for like 3 days.. My mom knocked on the 3rd and I heard it i just didn't answer... There was glass everywhere coffee table flipped over trash everywhere the cats were walking around with no food or water.. I stopped caring. She kept knocking and knocking and then I hear the cops.. They opened the door because it was locked and they came in and sat me up and wanted to talk to me. I was just crying.. So after about 45 mins of that they left.. Fallon said she would give it 5 days. She came back on the 5th and just took the rest that was still tangible practically.. But I told her that this is the end. She has to give me the keys. She refused so I grabbed them from her and that's when both of them started attacking me. I had ahold of the keys and her hand that she was swinging with and she tried to kick me so I did swoop her legs from under her so she would stop. She didn't hit the ground I guided her.. And believe me or not. I still cry about it because I love this girl.. To this day. I wanted to marry her.. She didn't have a banging body or big tits... Ididnt care. I loved her. I was more or less wanting her to stay the whole time but the cops came then again and I got charged with DV but she didn't go to court so its over.. Cause we both know what happened. But after it was all said and done I was left with my TV bed AMD a couch...and like 20 dollars to my name... So with the 20 dollars I went to Walmart and bought 3 boxes of triple cs and continued to take and take and take them.. I was laying on my bed and I don't remember how many I took... But the intention was to die.. I was close. I stood up and threw up and I layed where I puked for a day and a half... Nobody checked on me. Nobody cared. I want to be dead right now because I thought that she was gonna be there forever.. I miss her... I just want it to be normal again.. But I moved to my grandmas. And that will be 2.