uglyassnoodlehead25 - Tumblr blog

uglyassnoodlehead25 · 7 months

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a short love story

I met this girl, we knew each other because we went to the same school but we never knew each other outside of just saying hi because we had mutuals and we're the same age. She has been very obviously gay for as long as i've known her. I never thought I would get to know her the way I did. We shared secrets, laughed, cried, went on adventures, breakfast dates, late night drives with a blunt and music to match the vibe. I've never met someone who has such similar music taste as me. We did all the things you want to do with someone who meant the world to you at one point. We had first times together, taught each other new things, talked about things we wanted to do together. We talked about how effortless it was, how natural it felt. Like it was meant to be. We kept things a secret, we lived in our own little world. Just us. Experiencing things we never had. Enjoying every moment. Not wanting to miss a thing, I was present in every way I knew how.

If there was ever a lesson to learn it was that sometimes people just can't be the person you want them to be. No matter how hard you try, no matter how many conversations you had about what you wanted and needed. No matter how much you discuss the hurt you've already experienced. No matter how many times you cried and said you were willing to do whatever just to be in each others life. Then one day, one of us goes through a life changing experience. Your outlook on everything has completely changed. Your life hasn't been the same since, and the biggest change is that you aren't here anymore and I'll never understand what I did. Why couldn't you spare me the pain and just tell me where we went wrong? this isn't to say I miss you. Although I do. It's a reminder for myself. That some people aren't going to be around forever. Sometimes you only get a year, sometimes its only a few weeks. I didn't get a reason why. Just silence. Its been almost a year since I told you how you made me feel when you abandoned me. To which you didn't respond. I think about it a lot. I always thought you'd be someone who would respond. I know you. To this day, I'm sure you haven't changed much. If you have, I hope it was in the right way. I hope you never hurt someone the way you hurt me. I know you were scared, I was too. I haven't forgiven you yet and I don't know how. I don't know when I'll be able to. I haven't even forgiven myself yet. I want to, you have no idea how badly I want to. The worst part is that after all this time I'm still hurting. I don't know if we'll ever speak again. I don't know what I would say. I am so tired, more tired than I've ever been. I have nothing left. You already knew that, you yelled at me the day after I returned home. I think you knew then that you didn't want to be apart of my life anymore and if I could go back to that day, I think things might have ended differently. The last time we saw each other, I gave you a Christmas present. I never got anything back because we never spoke again. We still live in the same city, and are probably within just a few miles of each other all the time. It hurts to think about and I think about everything often. Is there a chance things could have ended differently? should we have left it at one night like I wanted to? My idea of love hasn't been the same since. I know the person you were then is not who you are now but I hope you think about what you did. I hope you know that I didn't deserve it. Especially not then. I want an apology but I know it won't happen. I am coming to terms with that. I am going to be okay eventually, and when I am please do me one last favor and don't return. I will have come too far at that point.

with love,

her.

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