unrequitedloveisabitch

[unrequitedloveisabitch]

Red right hand 🙌

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do you guys remember when kevin covered up his tattoo and neil and andrew were so hyped that they had to do a celebratory make out sesh about it?

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😈

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I embarked the aftg pain train again and wow, knowing what happens doesn’t make it hurt less, but this time I’m coping with fanarts I guess

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this is so niche but I don’t personally vibe with aftg fan art where Andrew is a really pretty, skinny guy. like he is a goalie and he is short and strong and he dgaf about his appearance. like I want art of him looking stocky and kinda grungey

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thinking about neil and mary and the fact that jean and kevin struggled so hard adjusting to not having the partner system. bc if u think about it neil and mary had their own version of the partner system in which for nearly a decade neil was rarely ever separated from her, and she taught him to never speak to people unless necessary, never draw attention. we can presume that mary was the only person neil said more than basic words to in so many years and then suddenly she wasn’t there anymore and neil had to learn to be by himself again.

also thinking about neil being by himself, having burned his mothers body, facing the absolute vastness of the world and knowing that it doesn’t matter how big the world is, he’s never going to escape. having to adjust to not having his mother there, stitching himself up, with every single day acting as a reminder that he is alone now. how difficult was it for him to get used to being by himself again, after spending so long with mary pressed against him every night?

ouch

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castiel gives dean the saddest eyes of all time and dean is just like—man i have GOT to flirt with him

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deleting my dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (I'm running and you hit me in the gut with a racket, narratively setting yourself up as the person who helps me stop running from my past)

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why do I seem to need to? || tsc chapter 6

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“I should have let him kill you,” Jean said.

Neil:

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When I tell you I lost my damn mind this chapter. Anyways here's my immediate notes from when my brain was on fire.

That was a line straight outta Wymacks book istg.

Listen I know the Trojans have helped Jean and I love them all but Jean needed something to actually change his perspective. This was a major moment.

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if we had a nickel for every time neil orders to assassinate an abuser who hurt people neil cares about we would have two nickels which isn’t a lot but it’s hot weird that it happened twice

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Rereading the original trilogy after TSC is really funny:

Don't be ridiculous Andrew, he's saving that money to put out hits on rapists

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how Jean calls Nathaniel his unfulfilled promise because they were supposed to be Raven partners and how Neil turns out to be a different type of promise. The promise that he can survive and be more than a martyr. That he can leave the nest both physically and mentally and build a life worth living. The promise of potential. And how they may not be partners, but there’s forever an invisible string tying them together

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idk why but i'm obsessed with this scene. like neil is smiling the butcher's smile and he knows he is, and tries to hide it !!!!

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Neil has always been terrifying.

It was underlying in AFTG. It was alway there under the surface. It lingered, a part of him that didn't want to exist but did.

Neil wanted to be his own person. In AFTG, he was striking to make Neil Josten a real person, even if that meant trying to push away the parts of him that terrified even him because either was too close to what his Father wanted him to be, what his Mother wanted him to be to survive.

By the end of AFTG and when we see him again with Jean in TSC, Neil Josten had become a real person, and as part of that, he was accepted the darkest parts of himself.

He always had the capability to be cruel and callous and strike back at those who threatened the people he consider his. Jean is one of those people, even if Jean does not recognise that.

Neil has accepted who he is, and he had no problem using that part of himself to protect those that he considers part of his circle, even if one of those people is Jean Moreau who doesn't see yet why Neil would protect him so.