uthaydeshvernt

[uthaydeshvernt]

THE VEHEMENT JOURNEY OF A PHOTOGRAPHER

CHAPTER 1

It was cloudy and windy out there, the wind slowly sighed to the plant at the balcony of an apartment. The apartment was very cozy and full of photographs and antique collections with one well-painted wall with plenty of empty frames. Few books on the table and a camera set up on a tripod stand. After being freshened up, he came to the balcony looking at the soothing weather, which somehow gave him calmness as he was already drowning in his oceans of thoughts.

He’s a guy in his 20’s trying to figure out about life. He has no permanent job and has no idea what to do next in life. At times, he feels that there’s no hope for him, that he’s stuck in a tunnel fully surrounded by darkness. He’s lost in stygian of darkness. His thoughts derange him, dragging him deeper into his thoughts. But his inner voice keeps telling him that there’s still hope and he’ll find the bright side of life. So for time being, he does whatever job comes along his way and tries his best to provide for his mother. He also manages to save some amount of money for his mother’s medical expenses and restrict himself from taking from it so that it’ll be helpful in the future. All his thought came to a pause as the wind blew to his face and rushed to his hair, and he took his camera with a sense of passion from the tripod and put around the camera strap around his neck which has his name stitched DORAN. Doran clicked a picture of the soothing weather. The only thing that gives comfort to his soul is his photographs. He takes pictures not only for the sake of getting good photographs but to freeze every moment that he feels beautiful, that’s how he randomly clicked the scenery from the balcony and continues to admire the simple beauty.

A ping from his phone distracted him. It was a reminder of his mother’s appointment in the clinic. Doran went to his mother’s room which is beside the balcony and reminded her about the appointment. Her room has one window which gives a good view outside and because she likes to do things in a classic way so she has some sticky notes stuck around the wall, one classic clock, an old radio on her table and one small shelf filled with her antique look diaries and journal.

She’s a woman in her 50’s who loves writing. She likes to write sitting on her favourite spot which is facing the window of her room.  With her curly hair tied, square-shaped spectacles on her eyes she starts writing in her journal. She likes to put everything into words so she often fills her books with words. She always told Doran to write something. She says that writing is like giving soul to your feelings. Your feelings will be vivid in front of you. It makes you know better what you feel and why you feel it. But Doran never picked up writing, as he didn’t come to the realization of what writing could make wonders in his life. Interestingly, his mother will not only write about her feelings,  but she writes about the places she admires.

One such place that she wrote about is Argentina. She wrote in her journal that ‘Despite the changing yet beautiful climate for all four seasons and the famous Tango dance, there’s so much to experience there. Experience is what makes us wiser and stronger as a person. Experience develops us and makes us a better person. A man who develops himself is born twice, is a famous saying in Argentina.  To be born again as a new person, we might not be in the same place and just like that, the journey to Iguazu Falls begins. We all should have been to waterfalls and enjoy being there, watching water white as milk flows through the boulders and reach us. No matter how hot and sunny it is, the water from the falls is always cold as ice. It’s amazement. Imagine that happening in front of you but this time it's not one waterfall but 275 waterfalls. It’s a broad stretch of cascades. All of this falls right in front of you. But to reach the falls we have to take the trails. As taking the trail to reach the top of the waterfall, the never-ending water that was pounding the rocks which makes the heartbeat rise in wonder and the eyes that just want to reach the top. After reaching the top, the sound of each waterfall is clearer, sharper than ever before. Out of all the sound from the crowd of those who want to enjoy the same view, the waterfall overwhelms beyond all the noise from the crowd. Standing in amazement,  feeling the breeze, watching the clouds above it, although a little far from the waterfall but yet felt very close. 

The longer I gaze, the more I felt close. Just standing and looking at it made me feel that nature has a connection with us. No matter who you are and where you are from, it has something to say to everyone. As I turned around and looked at the crowd, all I saw were happy faces. Smiling and enjoying nature. No worries are found there. There’s some sort of connection that makes you feel calm. The Irony is that such a majestic waterfall calms your little heart, putting away all sorrow that you carry along with you. It somehow makes you unperturbed. It’s an amazing feeling. All the worries that are with you, that you can’t tell anyone is suddenly out of heart and mind. Out of all your worries, you feel the fascination of the world, and the confoundment outside makes the inner self a little clearer. All these happen even without saying a word. This is what she wrote in her Journal. These are the words found in her journal.

But the truth is, She never been to Argentina, or the Iguazu Falls she mentioned. She wrote all that by her imagination. Because of financial obstacles, she can’t afford to travel to the places that she wished for but she didn’t let the situation overwhelm the joy that she wants to have when traveling. So she decided to put those feelings and desires into words. She surfs for the place on the web and learns more about the destination. She writes about many must-go places in those countries and feels as if she really was there. It might sound insane to some. An old woman writing about a journey that never happened and it was all from her mind. But Doran’s mother sees it in a different light.

She's a woman with contentment. She knows that happiness is a choice, and by choice, she means that we have options to respond and react to a situation. Of course, a lack of money will limit our capability to do certain things. But how about Happiness? Does it come externally to us or does it start internally within us? Doran’s mother believes that happiness comes within us. On one occasion when Doran was little, he had to give some toys to his sister but that made him worried about not having his favourite toys anymore, as how all children would feel. While looking at his sad and long face, his mother approached him and said play with the toys you have, you will feel happy with them too. He answered saying “No, it won’t”. But Doran’s mother said this one thing that made him more generous and a hint was given to find happiness. She said while placing his arm to his chest “Happiness comes from your heart”. Although he was a small kid, he’s a deep thinker, he understood what she’s trying to say. He still remembers it in his tough situations. Doran’s mother is a very optimistic person. She always tries to find joy, especially in her hard times. Since she chose to be happy, she decides to write about the places that she wishes to visit and describes it in her journal. She believes that just because she can’t travel now doesn’t mean she can’t do anything about it. She learns about the places, reads about them, and writes her feelings about it. So she preserves the joy of traveling by putting them into words.

As the clock reached 10 O’clock they both got ready to leave for the appointment. While on the way to the clinic, they both were chit-chatting and Doran’s mother turned to him and asked ‘“what happen to your job?”, “Any replies from companies?” Doran had nothing to say but the innumerable interviews he attended and being rejected in all of them flashed through his mind. He felt exhausted about finding a job. But without saying a word he continued to drive.

 As they were waiting to be called, Doran was thinking about what his mother asked. He was contemplating what to do.

His mother however for now was concerned about the appointment. As they both were thinking, a voice called his mother’s name ‘Karen’. It was Karen’s turn now and both of them went into the consultation room.

While on the way back home after the appointment, both of them decided to drop by a restaurant to get their lunch since it was 1 o’clock . Karen saw that Doran was disturbed but trying to be normal. He managed to smile but his eyes showed the sorrow inside him, worried about not getting a job but he tries to be cool about it because that’s who he is. He’s always buttoned-up. No matter how worried or broke he is, he always tries to keep it all inside him. But it was devastating for him to do so now because there’s too much inside him. Karen was noticing it. While waiting for food, Karen asked him if he had any latest photographs, he showed some of the photographs that he transferred from the camera. While looking at it, there was a specific shot that Doran took plenty of times. It was a picture of an ant climbing a tree. Out of curiosity, Karen asked him, “why did he take so many pictures of it?”. Doran said that he was waiting for a perfect shot, among the colony of ants on the tree,he wanted to get just one particular ant in his picture to make it somehow special. Karen looked at him and said I think that's what you should do in your life. He instantly realized the message that his mum was trying to convey. Just like he was trying to get one ant in his picture he had to wait to take multiple shots. Similarly, to get something worthwhile in our life we may need to wait and get trained so that we’ll know how to cherish it. Waiting can teach not only patience but it also allows us to gain knowledge of what we are waiting for, and gives different perspectives. Rejection, on the other hand, can make us feel worthless but it does something more than that. It makes us stronger and wiser about our next move.But for that, we need to be persevering.Despite the hardships, we will fight with all we have to gain what we want. It feeds the desire in the heart. At times we may be tired of fighting, but our innermost self will look for new ways to achieve it. Even if things may not turn out the way we wanted, we can be assured that it’s better to die trying rather than thinking of failing. 

Doran understood all these in the one sentence said by Karen. Although still troubled, it cleared his mind a little. A slight relief sets in him. They enjoyed their lunch and went back home. Karen slept as she felt tired, Doran sat with his laptop to apply for jobs as usual. After applying for numerous companies he was done for the day. But Doran’s mind was still running on thoughts. He was positive but he wants to find a way to resolve his problems. So after eating dinner, he decided to go for a drive, so he took his camera for no apparent reason and went without knowing the destination. After wandering for about an hour he reached a park, there was complete silence around him. He got out of his car with his camera, while leaning towards his car he was looking down at his feet thinking what’s the next step, where’s the way to resolve all his problems. He’s just a guy who is trying to have a better future, but so far all his ways are caliginous. As the place was tranquil, the silence slowly hushed his mind. All the voices in his head became quiet. He was just walking while looking down at his feet, he then stopped and sighed with little frustration. Doran slowly lifted his head from where he was standing, and what he saw above him made him stand in awe. It was a full moon with sparkling stars, he was gazing at it as if it had something to say to him. Without any further thoughts, he clicked a picture of that moment. The moment filled silence and darkness. The dark sky, what is it whispering to him? The bright moon, what is it showing him? The sparkling stars, what is it conveying?

What does this vast Universe trying to tell this minuscule man??