vi-osborne

[vi-osborne]

When Guilt Turns to Grief Turns to Acceptance

Dear Tumblr,

Unfortunately, today, I have a lot to unpack. I have mentioned my past with my family and spoken to a lot of you personally about it, and for me, it has been very cathartic. I was feeling good about my choices and about moving on with my life to live it on my own terms. I was happy, confident, and living a very good life. Not to say all of that isn’t still true, but over the last two weeks I have been a mess mentally and emotionally.

Two weeks ago, my grandfather reached out for the first time in months. He invited me to a dinner party, where I know the rest of my family will be present. Out of everyone in my family, my grandfather has been the most accepting and open-minded about my life. He reaches out occasionally to check on me and ask about my life, which is more than anyone else does. I don’t know why I accepted the invitation. Maybe because it came from him?

Attached to this post is the last time I remember being with my family and being truly happy. My parents, my grandfather, my little brother, and I all went to a beach together. It was the first and last time we all did this, but it was the best day. I was nine, my brother was six. For the first time, my parents let us run around and act like little kids. I remember it vividly, and sometimes it haunts me. Why couldn’t it always be like that?

Before I go down a sad rabbit hole that I don’t want anyone else to have to follow me into, I will end those thoughts here. That is what journaling is for right? I’m sure I’ll fill up what little I have left in my current one after this. I just can’t help but wonder if going tomorrow will be a mistake. Is my family going to rip me apart and ruin all of the progress I have made on myself? I guess I will find out and let you all know.

Moral of the story everyone: think everything over carefully before agreeing to anything.

[vi-osborne]

Books and Tea and Books and Tea

Dear Tumblr,

It has been a while, and for that I sincerely apologize. I have received a lot of messages asking where I am, if I am ok, when I am coming back. The amount of concern everyone has had for me is truly amazing, and I am sorry to leave you all hanging! To answer the most common questions: yes, I am ok, I have been working a TON, and I will come back soon.

Just because I am not as active on here does NOT mean I don’t care about you guys! I still want to hear from all of you, your stories inspire me as much or more that I have inspired you. After my last post, I received a lot of messages explaining the ways people handle their emotions and how they found their outlets. Can I just say, I am so proud of all of you! You’re doing amazing, and I love you all.

I’m sorry this isn’t a long, profound post, but I wanted to end here with a funny story from today. At the bar that I bartend at, someone asked my what my hobbies are. Well, I could only think of books and tea. In my head, I kept saying “books and tea and books and tea,” but when I went to answer, I said “book-ea.” Most embarrassing moment ever at the time, but now I think it is hilarious.

Moral of the story everyone: don’t take yourselves too seriously or overthink the things that make you happiest.

[vi-osborne]

Healthy Habits, Healthy Mind

Dear Tumblr,

After my last post, I received so many recommendations of books, music, and movies to check out! I have slowly been working my way through the list, but there was a message I received that stuck with me for days after. A very special follower told me their story, which I am always grateful to know others feel confident confiding in me, and how something helped them get through their hard times. Journaling.

Now, in my very first post a few months back, I mentioned that I was taking up blogging to get my thoughts out. Well, I found that even though I am comfortable sharing some of my life on a public forum, there are some things that remain private and hard to speak about. For days after that message, I thought about it non-stop. I bought a brand-new journal at work one day, and the next morning I sat down and just wrote. I have written in it every morning since; I actually just finished my daily entry before typing this out.

My recommendation to anyone that has trouble voicing their thoughts, or just don’t want to let others in, try it out. Mentally, I have been in a much better place since I started. I feel happier, healthier, and just generally good each day after. I want to open a discussion: what do you do to get out your innermost thoughts and feelings?

Moral of the story everyone: find the right outlet for you, it could change your life.

[vi-osborne]

When Life Gives You Lemons...

Dear Tumblr,

After my last post, I found others reaching out to me. They wanted to know more about my story, and some could even relate. It was amazing hearing from others that shared a similar story as mine. I thought this would be waste, but you know what they say. I won’t say it again, the title is enough. I know now I can take my story and maybe inspire others on their journey of finding themselves.

Since I have a surprisingly big following, or at least what I consider to be big since my social media accounts are very bare and basically non-existent at this time, I want to hear what inspires you. For me, it has always been books. I will read anything, and everything. I am also happy to give recommendations to others and receive recommendations as well.

I genuinely love hearing from everyone.

Moral of the story everyone: don’t be afraid to speak your truth.

[vi-osborne]

Who Am I?

Dear Tumblr,

I know you’re not necessarily a diary, but who has one of those anymore? I have heard blogging is a great way to get out your feelings, especially when you really don’t have anyone to talk to it. Maybe I’ll treat it like a New Year’s resolution, or something. I know others will see it, but hey, maybe my senseless rambling will help someone else down the line.

Most people in this world don’t know me, or my family, or my history. My family all went to the same college, go a job within the same three fields, and basically all live the same life. I made it a year into college before I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t handle the stuck-up people, the prissy sorority girls… any of it. I don’t want to be a doctor, or a lawyer, or a CEO of some company that no one actually knows what they do. I just want to be me.

Now, I live a pretty quiet life here in New York. I work two jobs, which is very tiring at times, but I genuinely love them both. Two years ago, I never saw myself working at a quaint little bookstore, even though reading is my favorite thing to do, or bartending at a local bar where I interact with the same regulars daily. But, here I am. I work hard, and I make what I need to get by. That was the life my parents frowned upon since they never had to worry about money, but it is the happiest I have ever been.

Moral of the story everyone: money TRULY doesn’t buy happiness.