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Jasmine Sanders by PJ Lam for #legend Magazine August 2019

#body image / #* jocasta : likeness. #* queue.

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Jasmine Sanders wearing Marc Jacobs Spring ‘18 at the Marc Jacobs Fall ‘18 Runway Show

#* jocasta : likeness. #* queue.

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Olena Kets for ELLE Turkey December 2017, shot by Erdi Dogan.

#* elodie : likeness. #* queue.

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Olena Kets — Unknown age — Ukraine

#* elodie : likeness. #* queue.

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I look for hope in the dirt under fingernails, in the blood of a bitten tongue.

I Walk Through, E. Kristin Anderson (via amouthfulloflove)

#* elodie : musings. #* queue.

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hey I hate fo ask for money again, but I need money to handle a vet bill for my dog thats 200 dollars. normally i could handle this but since i am (thankfully) moving, this is a random expense i can’t afford at the moment. please consider helping a Tpoc who cant work currently. im so very desperate . thank you https://www.paypal.me/jacemart

#boost!

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i should make genshin verses for these gals huh

#ugh vtm lore is so extensive i dont know where 2 START #well figure it out #but alas i cannot continue 2 write exclusively w juni ( i can. i likely will. but still )

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elodie...cool

#lu and jo have been getting most of my attention but el was my first vamp and i rly love her #shes so cool and sleek and good and graceful #just very Pretty the way a poisonous flower is pretty

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phoebe bridgers’ “punisher” writing prompts.

“ i grew up here, until it all went up in flames. “

“ when i grow up, i’m gonna look up from my phone and see my life. “

“ i don’t know how, but i’m taller. “

“ i get everything i want. i have everything i wanted. “

“ i’m gonna kill you if you don’t beat me to it. “

“ you wrote me a letter, but i don’t have to read it. “

“ i wanted to see the world. then i flew over the ocean and i changed my mind. “

“ i don’t forgive you, but please don’t hold me to it. “

“ i wanted to see the world through your eyes until it happened, then i changed my mind. “

“ i’m a liar who lies, ‘cause i’m a liar. “

“ i love a good place to hide in plain sight. “

“ what if i told you i feel like i know you? but we’ve never met. “

“ here, everyone knows you’re the way to my heart. “

“ i swear i’m not angry, it’s just my face. “

“ either i’m careless or i wanna get caught. “

“ i can’t open my mouth and forget how to talk. because even if i could, i wouldn’t know where to start, wouldn’t know when to stop. “

“ i used to joke that if they woke you up, somebody better be dying. “

“ i can count on you to tell me the truth when you’ve been drinking and you’re wearing a mask. “

“ i’m always surprised by what i do for love. “

“ i’ll be whatever you want. “

“ i’ve been running around in circles pretending to be myself. “

“ why would somebody do this on purpose when they could do something else? “

“ i look at the sky and i feel nothing. “

“ you know i hate to be alone. “

“ i want to be wrong. “

“ i think when you’re gone, it’s forever. “

“ sometimes, when i can’t sleep, it’s just a matter of time before i’m hearing things. “

“ i want to go home. “

“ there’s something i’m supposed to say, but can’t for the life of me remember what it is. “

“ and if i could give you the moon, i would give you the moon. “

“ all the bad dreams you have, show me yours and i’ll show you mine. “

“ i’m a bad liar with a savior complex. “

“ i’ve been playing dead my whole life. “

“ i get this feeling whenever i feel good, it’ll be the last time. “

“ i feel something when i see you now. “

“ it’s amazing to me how much you can say when you don’t know what you’re talking about. “

“ i don’t know what i want until i fuck it up. “

“ i can go home, but i’m not going to. “

“ i would do anything you want me to. i would do anything for you. “

“ whatever you want me to do, i will do. “

#* prompts.

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@aisr​ : ❝ love to know what you’re thinking. ❞ not kaien being annoyed that they can look into his life but he never knows what the fuck SHE's thinking about. kaien vc: either tell those voices to mind their fuckin business or let me in lol

Her thought process isn’t like anyone else’s — not even like other Malkavians.  It’s a very - aloneness that stems from its opposite / never alone, so many voices, screaming blurs in this skull this throat these eyes / but the screaming makes it impossible to be like anything else.  Like him.  Sometimes it makes her sad, when he can hear his own sad past the noise.  Very - aloneness from being never alone.  He asks what it’s thinking as it bends over the kitchen table, sketching nothing / a bad face face, a good hand, nothing / and his head snaps up to face him, tilting as though not understanding.  They understand, but the other voices take a few beats longer.

“Me, too!” She says cheerfully, and his expression twists in a way they can’t understand (  a voice : NOT WHAT YOUR SMALLER GOD MEANT  ) and those large mismatched eyes go doe - like and sad.  (  a voice : THE CHIEF OF STARS RESENTS THE STARS OF YOUR SKULL / another : NOT LIKE THAT / another : THE CHIEF OF STARS THINKS HE WANTS TO UNDERSTAND! / another : WE WANT HIM TO / jocasta : I DON’T WANT HIM TO, THEN HE’D HURT LIKE ME.  )  His head shakes, trying to quiet enough to make noise.  Hands press to their face.  What are they thinking?  It never knows, past all the other thoughts.  “Oh.  Please hold.  Trying to untangle the threads, to find me.  Wish me luck.”  (  a voice : GOOD LUCK!  )  “Good luck.”

It takes a while.  Her hands extend towards him, fingers twitching in invitation / want — take these hands, please.  He does, after a beat, and that helps.  Its eyes slide shut.  The voices quiet, just a bit.  “Kaien,” they breathe, asserting his self / not character / not creation.  The voices screech at its foolish trust of a reality that shudders at the seams but quiet again when he doesn’t relent.  Kaien.  When his eyes open and stare at their hands, they see theirs coated with wounds / bloodied with hurts that aren’t real / but Kaien’s fingers are free of their tell - tale hallucinations.  So it’s okay.  “I am thinking...about you, mostly, I think.”  Their eyes raise to his face (  a voice : CHIEF OF STARS KNOWS EVERYTHING BUT NOT YOUR FIRST NAME OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT MATTERS  ) and Jocasta laughs at the voice contrasted with the chorus of lovestruck sighs within their throat, giggly, good, hair and bones bouncing / bones trying to get out.  Stay in there, please.  Thanks!  “This head is full of nonsense, stupid bullshit.  Not sure where Jocasta’s thoughts go with the others, and they’re all tangled.  Like telephone wires.  Things get lost, like the schoolyard game.  Broken mirror shards, reflecting, and not sure which came first.”  (  a voice : USELESS, BUT NOT ENOUGH TO MAKE CHIEF OF STARS STOP WANTING YOUR MOUTH.  )  That has her giggling, too, through the clinging sadness.  It doesn’t want to hurt anyone, let alone him.  

He squeezes The Chief of Star’s hands.  Kaien’s hands.  “We’re sorry.  If I could crack open this skull and take out all the other thoughts for you, so I could tell you what’s what’s left of me, I would.  But we heal too fast.”

#aisr #* jocasta & kaien : ‘cause this is his body & this is his love! such selfish prayers & i can't get enough! #kaien im so sorry but jocasta also cant let u in because it doesnt know what its thinking either #* jocasta : post bloodlines.

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today is junis kids date vamps day

#minlu...working on jokai.....its happening

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@aisr : ❝ how many people have you killed? how many? ❞ min making conversation<3

The woman gazes at him, with those dark eyes and that dark hair spilling over her shoulders when she leans a nearer, when her head dips.  The movement is odd; at once too fast and too smooth, doll dancing where muscles should be jerking, body breaking and looking elegant while it does.  The morality Luella does not cling to but which still makes a home in her chest — however much some of Beckett’s associate mock — sings like a plucked string, an out of tune reminder that monster is a better word for her than any.

(  and every step i take takes me further from heaven. )

Her head dips further, eyes to hands, pictures blood staining those long nails.  Then her eyes raise, and she smiles.  “If you were to ask most of my kind, they’d ask you to clarify — do you mean actual people, or kine?”  After all, so few Kindred count the humans as people; cattle, as the name goes.  She likes to think she is better than that.  Some days, it’s even true.  “I try to remember that the humans are people, hard as it often is.”

It’s not an answer.  She doesn’t have a good one.  Luella hums beneath her breath, small hands extending to take his face gently between her fingers.  She imagines cracking his skull — inelegant, but she’s no Toreador — or boiling his blood, and doesn’t.  She tries to remember that humans are people.  With him, it’s easier.  His blood hums beneath her fingers, and she leans nearer, as though the pair might kiss.

(  is there a heaven? / i’d like to think so.  )

“I’ve killed too many to count,” she breathes, scarcely an inch between their mouths.  “But, if it comforts you, largely only those who sought to kill me first.”  She thinks of the blood dolls within the Sabbat hideout, all mangled and dark and kept - alive for cruelty’s sake.  “Or as a mercy.”

The smile falls; she doesn’t want to frighten him, and for all his strangeness she isn’t certain it’s impossible.  She’d be so sad, if he left.  “Don’t worry.  I’m an excessively loyal creature.  Once one’s earned my care, I’d rather die than hurt them.”  She draws away, the smile returning, and even taps his nose once.  “And that includes you.”

#aisr #* luella : post bloodlines. #* answered. #minlu.......................yes

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so!!  a fun bit of vtm lore.  cain (  like, hit - my - brother - over - the - head - with - a - rock biblical cain  ) was the original vampire, a punishment for his numerous sins.  rather than take responsibility and repent, he spread his disease to others, and now there’s lots of vampires!

in bloodlines, a recurring minor character is the cab driver the takes your from city to city when you need to move from one environment to the next.  by the end of the game, it reveals that he’s one of the masterminds behind the whole plot, and it’s heavily implied that he’s cain himself.  this doesn’t come up for most ‘races’ of vampires.  but malkavians are insane and have second sight!  so they know, even if they don’t really Know They Know, and are rightfully terrified of the guy once they realize.  anyway, have these fun final convos between jo and cain on her last few taxi rides:

jo: oh, no...i don’t want to know...i don’t want to know... cain: i’ll drive.  if you figure out where you want to be taken, tell me. jo: yes. can’t. you. tell? cain: yes. jo: this isn’t happening...  I WANT OUT! cain: no. jo: stop. stop. stop. stop. stop. stop. stop. stop. stop. stop. stop. stop.  cain: ... jo: LET ME GO! cain: there is something troubling you? jo: [sobs] cain: in your voice there is desperation...certainly there is an exit out of your predicament? jo: [still crying] i don’t bet, i just escape! cain: hm.  rabbits also flee, but sooner or later, their fate is a wolf’s jaws.  and the wolves have your scent — you’re coated in the flood of the ninth one. jo: [still crying] this rabbit has sharp teeth, and nines has the big payoff. cain: if the anarchs managed to recapture this city, it would not be long before someone challenged them for it.  conflict is always an eventuality in their life.  could you spend an eternity this way. jo: [still crying] sounds like a laugh... cain: the anarchs have lost less than is thought.  i hear there is one left who may be able to revitalize the movement.  maybe, though, it is just a rumor. jo: [getting it together] the person is...yes, i remember their number.  i will see them. cain: i can take you to the anarchs, where you can brave the tempest of their course, or...i could just as easily take you downtown, where you can sail smooth. jo: i always wanted to be a pirate.  i’ll join their crew. cain: if you share the anarch’s passion and would share the burden of such a fire, we will go meet the last person capable of keeping them together. jo: we’ll hold a dance on the ashes of our enemies. cain: if that is your decision....

———

cain: where to? jo: LET ME OUT!  I CAN’T STAY HERE ANY LONGER! cain: remember, wherever you go, it is the blood of cain that makes our fate.  farewell, vampire. jo: does that mean you...I HAVE TO GET AWAY FROM HERE!

#also 'i dont want to know...i dont want to know' informs a lot of how i think jo feels abt his second sight broadly #so much of what she knows is both terrifying but also not like. anything she can act on / protect against

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“i feel like a superhero” why are u so CUTE

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nines: it’s us or them.  you got a preference? jo: you have all of me, which is all you need.

#BADASSSSSSS #also......lil flirty but whos 2 say

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el and jo vc:

I have this dream that I am hitting my dad with a baseball bat And he is screaming and crying for help And maybe halfway through, it has more to do with me killing him Than it ever did protecting myself

#havent heard this song in ages but the whole thing is Rough #but im playing vtm on jos game rn so im having brainworms and thus applying everything 2 them ( n also el ) #violence / #abuse implied /

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E. E. Cummings, The Complete Poems: 1904-1962

#* jocasta & kaien : ‘cause this is his body & this is his love! such selfish prayers & i can't get enough! #* queue. #alt text: i love you so much(most beautiful darling) / more than anyone on the earth and i / #like you better than everything in the sky