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KinnPorsche Meta Doc (Renaissance Reshare)

I've noticed some bits of fresh meta lately, and there are always new people joining the fandom, so I figure it's time to pull out the ol' doc and give it a promo.

KinnPorsche Meta Doc

Background: When watching the series, I started consuming meta like crazy. Around episode 4, I was getting frustrated trying to keep track of the different threads and ideas.

So I started the meta doc to connect those threads and also keep at least some sort of record of the history.

The doc has nearly 1,000 links to Tumblr meta.

If you missed out on the time period when the show was airing, this can give you a glimpse into what everyone was saying at the time (and how we all collectively lost our minds).

(shown above: me on my hoard of meta)

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So we joke about Mile paying to have the opportunity to lay hands on Apo, uh, a lot? But I have not seen this on tumblr ANYWHERE and it is fucking EXTRAORDINARY that he let this be filmed? And then he lite it be distributed fucking internationally. Because through the whole thing Apo is just chat chat chatting away. He's making jokes, hes giving his sincere commentary, he's full of opinions, and he is, very seriously, trying to get Mile to engage with him in conversation about the scene.

And Mile? The most Mile manages in terms of responding is "Mhm" and nodding, one echo of basically "yes it is beautiful" and literally one comment on "Yeah it is about emotion." THATS IT. EVERYTHING else is Mile struggling not to jump out of his skin and it is fucking CRAZY to watch The body language is some of the most stressed out, uncomfortable and moved body language I have ever seen and I sit in an office all day and watch people's body language for a living. And it is also completely MILE because I do not remember one fucking time, as a character, we see Kinn do the ear thing or the tongue in his lower lip thing. Especially when the scene is over and the boys switch into interview mode - when you know what you're looking at it's obvious. Mile does this thing where he twirls his tongue in his cheek and lower lip and rolls his eyes and coughs and is like "Okay come the fuck back. You can't stay there any more, you have to be On Again." and literally two seconds later, he's talking with Apo about the shooting and acting of it all? It happens in a BLINK but after that cough, that frozen person is gone and he is back to being the Mile we all know from all the interviews. But once you know what to look for? It's obvious and once you see it? You can't unsee it.

As someone in a job with an extreme a mount of performative emotional labor, I recognize that moment. I do a different thing. Mine tends to be tied to the act of closing objects, picking up note pads and putting on a "hey I'm happy to see you" smile (because I am, I love my clients) but there are on/off switches from private experiences and You Are At Work Engagements. But oh man. Man it's a fucking knock out and it's basically never captured in reality. Reality TV tries but Reality TV is fake too. This? This is REAL and it's honestly kind of humbling. The emotional labor on screen here is something so many of us have to perform and it's just, ugh, sir, I know you didnt do it on purpose but I appreciate you giving us the opportunity to capture it so that we can use it as a teaching tool if nothing else.

Because on the other hand? There's the part where he watched the pool scene and goddamn the way Mile just Let himself Feel All Those Feelings In Public. Whether it's about his partnership with Apo and remembering what executing that felt like or ya know closeted queer thoughts about seeing himself in that situation and realizing "oh god I really could have that if I just let myself" or it's professional pride doing shit to him because yeah it is that beautiful and

I don't know. I don't actually give a fuck. What I do care about is that it's feeling. That is profound emotion. That is "fuck I'm having emotions about this and I am trying to process" and it's on film and we get to see it. And that is wild to me. It's wild how much this man has shown the entire PLANET of his heart. I know he's a rich boy and I know he's in a different world but that is such vulnerability and I respect it so much. So you know, thanks for this 5 minutes sir. Wish the world could be more like this all the time.

May we all one day build our own temples as safe as yours to do art and live our experiences.

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I highkey did not expect to get emotional about Kinnporsche this episode but HERE WE ARE

this scene was a lot for me

After Porsche confronts him, Kinn is at first just desperately trying to apologize as earnestly and genuinely as he can so Porsche can know how sorry he is, but Porsche is so mad and he plows through Kinn's apologies with his anger. Kinn is terrified he is slipping away from him, so he reaches out, and Porsche draws the physical touch boundary.

which Kinn respects (good!!!) but then he can't communicate in his preferred communication style (actions/physical touch) and yet he still needs Porsche to KNOW how SORRY he is, and it does break my heart a little how he keeps reaching out, not touching, but reaching for Porsche because he can't help himself reaching to him when it seems like he is slipping away.

He promises actions, because that's how he shows Porsche he loves him is by acting on it.

The desperation in his eyes is devastating because after all they've been through, all they've kept from each other and lied to and betrayed each other and lost and found one another again and he wants off that ride. He wants to have Porsche and he wants to give himself to Porsche and he wants them to finally be okay.

bonus --

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The 2nd Reiteration of “I’m on your side”.

The problem with having so much happen in the last episode is that it kind of overshadows what has happened in the previous one. We spent the entire episode 13 with Porsche’s suspicions and lack of trust. The show pretty definably established that he not only doesn’t trust Korn but also to some extent doesn’t trust Kinn. Yes he trusts Kinn’s love and in Kinn as a person but he doesn’t trust Kinn to have agency. He doesn’t even expect Kinn to look beyond his father’s lies and he knows directly going against Korn without knowing the complete truth will just hurt Kinn. And there is also the fact that Porsche is canonically the person with the greatest trust issues. We’d expected it to be Kinn but he trusts Porsche completely. Porsche can’t do the same because he is more familiar with the realities of life. That a person who has multiple allegiances can never offer complete loyalty to someone, especially when those allegiances have the potential to come into conflict. I believe that’s why he and Vegas work so well together. Both are aware that their trust in each other is conditional and they clearly negotiate those conditions. Hence, why they are able to shift between being allies to enemies to allies again so easily.

That is the emotional state we move into episode 14 with. Even on their 2nd confrontation, Korn gives Porsche absolutely no reason to change his stance. So when Vegas calls and asks Porsche to choose, Porsche makes his choice and his choice is Kinn. The “I am not on the major family’s side. I am not on the minor family’s side. I am on your side.” may seem like a romantic declaration at first, and it is, but the practical implication of the statement appears through the context Kinn, himself provides Porsche and the audience, that is - “If you believe my father, you’re on the major family’s side. if you don’t believe him (and later on, believe Gun instead) you are on the minor family’s side”. Thus, Porsche is essentially telling him, he doesn’t believe in them but loves Kinn enough to override that disbelieve.

Then Korn goes and gives him the proof that he is lying and hiding things and Porsche is ready to shoot him again … except Kinn steps in the way. 

You can literally see here the realization dawn on his face that he has lost before he even knew he had a battle to fight. It is pretty well established by now that he will do anything for the people he loves and Korn has his grip on all 3 of his loved ones - his mother as Korn’s step-sister who seems to feel comfortable with only him (she tries to hide behind Korn and grips his arm tightly), Chay as a step-nephew who Porsche himself brought under his roof and most importantly, Kinn who will never leave his father even if Porsche manages to get the other 2 out. So he lowers his gun and agrees to take the ring, knowing that it is essentially going to be a leash. And the most fucked up thing is that, we know Porsche will not only happily wear that leash but even think of it as a diamond necklace, if it means it can keep his loved ones safe and happy.

And this finally brings me to the 2nd reiteration of that dialogue because the context still stands and Porsche’s answer is still the same. He knows he’s being lied to and yet he’s still choosing Kinn. But this time around, it comes with the added context of Porsche being the literal head of the minor family. He is quite explicitly telling Kinn that the family does not matter to him. He would burn it down without hesitation, destroy even that what he was now responsible for, if it weren’t for the person in front of him. And then he drives the nail into the coffin by saying that “All my life … is all yours.” and I don’t think Kinn fully understands the implications of what Porsche is saying. Porsche, a person who doesn’t trust completely is giving his complete loyalty to Kinn. He is not only giving in but he is giving up. He is giving up his right to find the truth and get justice for his parents, he’s giving up his agency, he’s giving up his freedom for Kinn. His mother had wanted him to be a phoenix and fly to freedom. Porsche puts on shackles and cages himself in that family for love. He’s placing himself right under Korn’s thumb just so he doesn’t have to let go of Kinn’s hand. And the ironic thing or the most fucked up thing really, is that he is genuinely happy doing so. His search for truth means nothing to him in the face of the peace and stability and happiness, him being Korn’s puppet can bring for Kinn and Chay.

I guess what I am ultimately saying is that at the end of the day, Porsche will be a perfect little chess piece for Korn but his obedience will be more absolute because unlike Kinn, he is consenting to it with both of his eyes open. And at the end of the day, it will finally come down to Kinn after all - whether he will treasure his father or his lover more.

Edit: Just gonna add this gif to drive home the fact that Korn makes sure it is Kinn’s hand that puts the ‘leash’ on Porsche and Porsche realises this as well. (not a part of this gif but you can see Porsche staring at the ring with furrowed brows)

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MY FRIEND, I ABSOLUTELY CAN!!!! 🥰 Starting from the beginning…

PART ONE: ORIGINAL FILMANIA PRODUCTION & FATE

It’s 2019-20, you’re Mile Phakphum Romsaithong, a very rich socialite who plays guitar. You’re bored and you’ve been thinking about getting into acting, and have been offered misc. BL casting opportunities before (1), but never really felt like any of them were For You, so you turned them down. 

Then, one day, you find out that there is a BL currently casting from the studio Filmania, where the male lead is based on you (2), at least your public persona/physically/whatever. Being a puppy of a man, you are delighted, and go read the script, and then the books, and decide you’ll go to the casting call for it.

At casting call, you re-meet Apo Nattawin Wattanagitiphat (3), who you went to college with and had a giant crush on (4). You guys hit it off IMMEDIATELY, chemistry unhinged, and get cast as Kinn and Porsche. Apo takes it, even though he has historically had a bad experience with the Thai acting industry (5). You are delighted by this incidence of FATE!!!!!!

PART TWO: IF YOU DON’T HAVE FATE ON YOUR SIDE STORE-BOUGHT IS FINE

The show gets dropped (6) Something something the authors, something something the company, whatever. I assume, if you are Mile, you are very sad! And if you’re Apo you’re also pretty sad, because it seemed like for once even with all the industry BS you had a cool dude on your side who you hit it off with, and it was gonna be a cool show. On the heels of that, if you are Mile, and have stacks of money, and see your college crush who is an unbelievable actor about to re-give up on acting and call it a wash, you are like, “wait, I have stacks of money and know everyone”.

So you, Mile, call up the head of the small talent agency you’re signed with, Be On Cloud, which is really just your buddy Pond Krisda Witthayakhajorndet in a fake mustache and a trench coat, and go, hey! So! Have you ever wanted to make television? I have a man here I CANNOT allow to be sad under any circumstances, and also, we’re really good at this and there’s an audience here.

PART THREE: BE ON CLOUD, KINNPORSCHE TAKE TWO!!!!

Pond, being just as unhinged as Mile, thinks about it for a second, and is like. Well. How different can making television be from running an event planning company, which is my real job (7). It’s just calling up a bunch of different guys who are good at their jobs and putting them in one place. And I know so many different guys! Let’s do it!

They get the rights (handwaves this I don’t know anything about it) and jump into production. They get their shit together UNREALISTICALLY quickly (6), and on top of that, since they’re starting from scratch and they’re just A Bunch Of Guys led by Pond and Mile, they decide that their priorities are #1 making art and #2 making Apo happy. With regards to #1, they rework the script (8), hire the best acting coaches money can afford, and put the cast through character-building and intimacy workshops. With regards to #2, they toss out all the industry bullshit that has sucked for him in the past – no more crew/cast hierarchy (9), no more homophobia on-set (10), no more fake fanservice (11).

FINALE: MIRACLES IF U BELIEVE ETC.

Magically, it turns out, when you create a great working environment, you get really, really good TV!!!!! Which means that their unhinged plan succeeded beyond their wildest dreams, and now Mile & Apo are internationally famous superstars who hang out 24/7 with their squad of 16 close friends, and we get to watch them do it. And it has been, genuinely, a fucking privilege. 

To end this tale with a personal note, one of the reasons I allowed myself to get so invested in KinnPorsche so fast is because it was evident from every aspect of it – the show itself, the BTS, the actors interviews – that the people working on this show both really cared about the show and were genuinely having a great time. There is nothing like seeing art made by people who are passionate about making it! 

Their enthusiasm, their hard work, and their obvious enjoyment of the process & each other’s company are what made me feel like I could trust what they were making, because you could tell no matter what else it was, it was from the heart. And that’s really something special! Especially in this day and age!! 

And even though they could pull it off this time because of the circumstances (financial and social), I hope that it shows BL television CAN be made in a way that keeps the actors comfortable and safe and happy, and encourages change for the better across the industry as a whole. KinnPorsche shouldn’t be the last wild BL passion project; it should be the first one of a new wave. (bangs gavel) Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

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Ahh this scene, aka Kinn Lit Candles While You Sleep Are Unsafe Fire Practice.

It’s straight after the unbearably tender and loving pool sex. They are in their non-matching but complementary jim-jams. Porsche is lying awake and clearly thoughtful. He looks at Kinn, kisses the hand draped protectively around him, puts his hand on Kinn’s stomach.

Then two flashbacks: Uncle Ballache saying none of the main family can be trusted; and Kinn at Porsche’s parents’ grave, saying no matter what happens I’ll never let go of your son’s hand.

He brushes Kinn’s hair aside and caresses his cheek incredibly gently. Everything in the way Porsche touches Kinn this scene is *real*. Kinn is asleep, nobody else is there. He’s treating Kinn so softly because he wants to, because touch is their language even when one of them is asleep, because he loves Kinn very much and he’s soaking Kinn in while he can.

Then Vegas sends the text about the uncle. Even as he’s rolling over, away from Kinn, to read the text, Porsche rearranges Kinn’s arm so they’re both comfortable and he’s still within Kinn’s embrace. When he looks back at Kinn he looks conflicted. But the next scene is Kinn’s fingers twitching with Porsche’s absence as he wakes up (sob) and then Porsche’s frankly unhinged note (off to maybe find out something that will make me want to kill your dad! Back soon! Love you! Smiley face!!) It’s light when Kinn wakes up and also light in the next scene when Porsche wakes Chay to make their escape, so Porsche likely lay awake the rest of the night after getting the text, wrestling with going with Vegas or not, before he decided to leave.

The flashbacks make clear the central tension. Kinn, part of the main family, which he can’t trust vs Kinn the man he loves who promised his parents he’d love Porsche *no matter what happens*. I think if Vegas had taken just a little longer to find uncle, Porsche might well have trusted Kinn with the truth in the morning. As it is, he’s trusting Kinn to be true to the promise he made.

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Kinnporsche´s pool scene: Of love, trust and devotion.

Warning: as usual, please refrain from reading this post if you are underaged or feel triggered by sex and nudity. I want to state that the production company, Be on Cloud, has especifically asked fans not to share or reproduce some parts of the sex scenes in order to protect the actors. Thus, the gifs selected will try to comply with that petition.

Before we start with the analysis, I want to get something off my chest. I do not usually engage in the actors´ behaviour out of their characters but to say how good (or bad) they are performing. However, in this scene there is a moment when I think one of the actors was a bit out of character for a second.

Check on Mile here. He seemed to be nervous (he gulps and stretches a bit, breathes out and keeps squeezing Apo´s shoulder) until Apo, who IS completely in character, said his line. Then he smiled and relaxed. But I really felt a bit anxious for him, because it is the first time in this show that I sense the tension from an actor trying to do his job the best he can. This was a very, very difficult scene for both of them, and I am proud to say that, in the end, they just went for it and nailed it (pun intended) . Chapeau, gentlemen.

That said, let´s get into the pool scene.

We have had 4 major love scenes between Kinn and Porsche in the series. In the first one, the hotel bathroom scene, Kinn caves in to his budding feelings for Porsche, who is drugged but willing. Mainly, the scene shows Kinn´s desires, so he is the one who leads it. It is the beginning of their romantic relationship, sort of.

In the second one, the bar toilet one, we have a confrontation, regret and an apology shaped into a love scene. It is the get together scene. And though it is Kinn the one who initiates the physical contact, Porsche is the one allowing it to happen this time, and finally taking control of it.

The third, in the honeymoon phase montage, is basically lust driven. They are horny and thus unable to stop from being literally all over each other.

Most of fans thought the fourth (and probably last one) would be the awaited love confession. And we weren´t mistaken: they do sweetly declare their love for one another.

The softest "I love you too" ever to exist.

I also thought that this would be the first time they confess their love for each other. It is clear that it is not, they have been saying they are in love since episode 7, in one way or another. But they have always used a second, third or plural pronouns to convey their feelings: Porsche talks about "loving a crappy guy" (episode 7), answers affirmatively to Yok´s questions about being in love, states "we are in love" (episode 8) and a couple of times more in following episodes. Kinn shyly confesses his love for Porsche to his father and brother (and the whole bodyguard corpus), and proudly too his friends and Yok in the bar. They have been proclaiming they love each other out and about. But we hadn´t seen them saying it using the first person pronoun . And that´s what makes this scene so special.

Because, in my opinion, with this scene their love is fulfilled. Kinn started their love relationship. Here Porsche is wrapping it up to keep it safe.

This scene is the consequence of Kinn paying respect to Porsche´s parents in the cemetery. Kinn makes their relationship as official as it can be due to the circumstances. They both have their families blessing (in Porsche´s case, only his brother). They are confident and sure that this is it for them, it is their life commitment. Though we know Porsche is keeping a secret from Kinn, their love is not in question, he is as invested in their relationship as Kinn, and the pool scene is his way of showing it.

Porsche comes to the swimming pool physically naked (as Kinn is, we guess). But emotionally too. He comes prepared (and you know what I mean) to show Kinn how much he loves him, how grateful and blessed he feels for having Kinn in his life. He is the one who says "I love you" first, the one who touches Kinn first, the one who keeps on kissing him and showing his desire for him. Remember, Kinn and Porsche´s love language is physical touch.

Kinn´s smile when Porsche grabs his arms... *speechless*.

Something is crystal clear to me: there is no power play here. Kinn is completely surrendering to whatever Porsche has in mind.

Kinn holding Porsche´s hand while kissing is everything to me.

Through his actions, Porsche is just asking Kinn to make love to him. He needs him, not just in a sexual way, but in an emotional one.

Porsche is the one pulling Kinn to the other side of the pool. Kinn is just letting himself be pulled. Their smiles show that they are happy and in love.

Their physical bond is, as always, amazing to see. Porsche keeps guiding them, grabbing the glass wall of the pool and literally offering himself to Kinn, who devotes himself to worship Porsche´s body once again.

Their hands grip and Kinn´s other hand in Porsche´s back, their open mouths almost touching... *sobs*

This is the definition of making love: Kinn never ever stops gazing adoringly at Porsche, while Porsche keeps showing him how good he is for him, to him.

Kinn climaxes and tries to go down on Porsche. Porsche gently kisses his head and comes down to hold him. This is enough for now: he has felt wanted, cherished and loved. He doesn´t need the physical release, he needs to feel Kinn around him, in his arms. This is what happiness feels and looks like.

Porsche´s tiny little kiss on Kinn´s shoulder at the end... *crying*

Porsche is physically wrapping Kinn with his body. And he is emotionally enveloping their love to protect and nurture it at the same time. He could be worried and anxious because of his uncle´s words, but he doesn´t even for a moment plan to give up Kinn or their love. He needs answers, but first and foremost he is a caretaker and he will keep those who he loves from harm in any possible way.

He meant it when he wrote the note Kinn found the morning after: "There´s something I need to find an answer (for), I´ll come back soon. Love you:)"

After this scene, not even the naked truth can keep these two apart. Period.

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Who do you trust?

Porsche! What are you doing? I’m guessing I’m not the only one unhappy with Porsche’s decision to keep the picture secret from Kinn. After a great deal of mulling, I think that Porsche truly does love and trust Kinn, however he is pushing his emotions aside and relying on a ‘trust no one’ strategy for finding the truth.  

It seems like Porsche has fallen into the same unfortunate trap that Kinn did post-T***n, he isn’t sure he can trust his own judgment. He’s keeping Kinn away from his search for an answer because Porsche has been burned over and over recently and he’s afraid that his uncle is right and he’s gullible. It hurts my heart to see him like that, because that open, loving, and cheeky demeanor is what makes Porsche, Porsche.

There are a couple of key scenes which I think highlight Porsche’s internal conflict. 

We start at the beginning with a stark difference in their expressions. Porsche is grim, knowing he’s moved back into a cesspool of lies. Kinn is grinning, an expression we rarely see when Porsche isn’t around. Here he is thrilled that he has Porsche and his family all together. From his perspective all the conflict has been put aside and it is smooth sailing ahead. They are inhabiting two wildly different realities. 

Kinn has known from the beginning that something is bothering Porsche (because Porsche has zero poker face) and he tries multiple times to ask. He’s doing everything right, keeping the lines of communication open and waiting for Porsche to open up. Unfortunately, Porsche is not reciprocating. 

When they meet later, Porsche’s closed off body language when he sits, knees crossed away, a distance between them, shows that he was not going to reveal the picture. He’d talked himself out of the earlier moment of weakness.

I think Porsche was relieved that Kinn said this about business, because clearly Kinn is keeping something from him (in this case a surprise vacation), but it provides Porsche with some cover and then he didn’t have to feel so guilty about keeping his own issues hidden. 

It is deeply touching that Kinn was apparently so concerned about Porsche’s strange mood that he went to Chay to see if he knew what was up and then planned the whole graveside visit to show his love and consideration. That scene was just A+ boyfriending from Kinn. 

Between the graveside visit, the gorgeous pool scene, and this sweet moment, there is no doubt that Porsche truly loves Kinn. Distrusting him does not come naturally and in my opinion, it’s something he’s forcing himself to do throughout this episode. I think if it were anything other than a direct conflict with Korn, Porsche would absolutely have turned to Kinn. Instead he takes his brother away to keep him safe. He’s clearly planning for a worst case scenario in which Kinn/Korn will turn on him and his brother. He might be willing to gamble his own life, but not his brother’s. (There’s a decent chance Kinn is going to be devastated to learn that despite doing everything right recently, his blanket trust isn’t going both ways.)

I have to give credit to Vegas here, who actually stood up for Kinn. He didn’t have to do that. In the minus one million ethical debt to Porsche, Vegas gets one point back. 

In his heart, Porsche trusts and loves Kinn. In his mind, he has to keep all the trust at bay until he can find out the truth. I think he hopes to find out the truth and also that Kinn knows nothing about it, then he can slide right back into the relationship as it was at the end of 12. Unfortunately, in keeping things from Kinn he’s already damaged the trust. Plus the escape with Vegas could not have helped. I guess that’s what they have epic gunfight rescues for… Gay gun tango to heal all wounds.  

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Growth is KP confronting their problems and being honest as they figure out a way to deal with them together.

I get that most people lose interest when a couple gets together but I am here for this kings/power couple era where they make dinner, and possibly my favorite part when Korn comes to visit, Kinn stands in front of Porsche this time rather than behind him. Porsche went and got Kinn from inside because he needed him, Kinn said they'd do it together, and Kinn chose to be the barrier between his father and Porsche.

That, to me, was monumental. Kinn has never defied his father that we know of. He has requested understanding and space and what he should do, but he's never actively been against his father until he discovers what he has been hiding from Porsche. Kinn is doing exactly what Korn didn't want. He's choosing love over duty. But for Kinn, his duty is to be true to his love and to protect him in this world.

He gives Porsche his gun if he's going to take revenge to show that Porsche has his support whatever his decision is. He doesn't tell Porsche what to do or even give an opinion until after Porsche has decided not to do it. Kinn knows that for family, Porsche could have done it. For the pain he and Chay suffered as kids he would have pulled the trigger. The only reason he stopped is because he wasn't going to be a person who perpetuates that violence on another innocent. He wasn't going to make another child like him or Chay.

Porsche, feeling all of Kinn's support, his love, finally breaks down. He finally lets Kinn see the depth of his pain. The grief he hides with smiles and misdirection. That's his true act of trust that we've been missing, him sharing this with Kinn.

KP as a couple hold onto one truth amongst the lies of their world: they're in love. I'm the one you love and you're the one I love. The world could burn and fall but they'd be fine because they have each other. They're a couple who does that, but their final test is can they do that when everything does actually come crashing down. When war comes and everything is threatening to break their clasped hands.

So yeah, not everyone vibes with the couple vibe but I do. I need to see Kinn and Porsche be redonkulously happy. That is my joy. The naturalness of their love, how easily they fall into each other's space like puzzle pieces. That they can make dirty, horny jokes and be each other's home. They can understand each other mind, body and soul because some way, somehow they really did find their soulmate. I love drama as much as the next bish but true love, especially for the queers, is so God dang rare, I will fight everyone over it.

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a numerical assessment of how badly the kinnporsche characters need therapy

Based on the show. Living characters only (as of ep 12) because Tawan would (hilariously) fuck up the curve. No mafia dads because the only therapy they need is to die.

Porsche - Has gone through a large number of life-altering and traumatic experiences in a very short period of time and they aren’t going to stop anytime soon. Clearly he doesn’t believe the good changes will last, which is consistent with his previous mindset of having to make it only long enough to take care of his brother, neither of which is a healthy way to think of his own life, nor to develop and maintain relationships. On the other hand, he actually rolls with a lot of crazy shit pretty well and has proven to be ridiculously resilient. 7/10, could use some help but does also work through challenging things on his own, even if that isn’t the wisest course of action.

Porchay - Was literally attacked and kidnapped like five minutes ago. Also going through a large number of life-altering and traumatic experiences. Is constantly on the verge of tears and not doing so great right now, but obviously feels like he has to hide it from his brother, the one person he shouldn’t be hiding it from. Hugs are good but they aren’t enough. Honestly aside from the whole kidnapping-and-mafia fiasco he seems pretty well-adjusted, but that one thing is, you know, kind of a big deal. 8/10, and sooner rather than later, has anybody checked whether he has PTSD, that seems both likely and important.

Keep reading

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It’s a new dream, it’s a new day, it’s a new life

KinnPorsche should really be called KinnPorsche: Learning to Trust. I want to explore how much their communication has improved and how Kinn and Porsche are now KinnPorsche. 

Kinn’s gone off without guards and we learn that Porsche had Arm bug Kinn’s suits and even set up a whole color-coded sting operation. I’m leaning toward this whole scene being played for comedic effect and not that Porsche is legitimately worried that Kinn is going to run off to cheat on him. As many of us suspected, the uncle’s sudden financial woes in the first episode were engineered by Kinn to get Porsche to work for him. 

This is a classic romance plot device. Character does something underhanded before he/she falls in love and is then stuck not knowing whether to reveal it since they risk blowing up the relationship. Bad writers use this to create sudden tension in the relationship. I have to give another bow to the KP writers for not using this shortcut. Instead they use it to show how much the two of them have grown. 

I love Porsche in this scene. He’s angry, standing his ground, and demanding an explanation.  He doesn’t play games or take off in a childish huff with no explanation. His whole mood is very similar to when Kinn shows up at his house in Ep 5. Even in Ep 5 when Porsche does leave, it is after giving Kinn multiple chances to make things right and Kinn just keeps spitting on them. You can see the growth in the relationship and their communication between 5 and 12. They’re in a relationship and they want to STAY in that relationship. 

Dad gives a masterclass in controlling a conversation. Porsche shows up furious and Korn guesses it’s one of two things. When he reveals the two possibilities it puts him in control of the conversation and it also allows him to steer it away from the manipulation and onto the situation with Porsche’s parents. I suspect that Korn is well aware that Kim has figured this out and he’s trying to get a step ahead of that. I don’t think Kim’s efforts were in vain, because they pulled this information back into the light and now Korn is doing damage control. And lying about it. 

Betta fish are an interesting metaphor. So who exactly is Korn pitting against each other? Minor and Major family? Kinn and Vegas? Kinn and Porsche? Kinn and Kim? Tankhun and discount fashion? (I swear Korn is just a minefield of metaphors: chess, betta fish, molding pottery, knives…)

By all accounts Kinn has chosen a side and that side is Porsche. Now, this whole scene suggests that when Kinn and Porsche come into conflict (as the trailer suggests) it is going to be over a significant issue. I suspect Kinn is still loyal to his father and his family and if that comes into direct conflict with Porsche…I can see that being a source of legitimate tension. 

Then we’re off for some domestic Kinn and Porsche and product placement interlude. We also get some excellent advice from Tay/Tae. They need to hold tight together in this world because they are facing bigger adversity than the average non-mafia couple. 

Kinn and Porsche not killing someone. This episode just continues to show them as a pair of binary stars locked into a permanent orbit around each other. Where Porsche goes, Kinn is there, supportive and non-judgemental. When Porsche breaks down, he reaches for Kinn first. They are both stronger together, because they can show their weakness to each other. 

Finally we have Kinn asking for a redo. He wants to start over, the slate wiped clean and past mistakes put aside. I’d argue Kinn has more mistakes in his ledger, but it’s also a sign he wants total honesty from here on out. It’s a touching scene, especially since we have Porsche telling Kinn he loves him, directly and to his face. And without a gun near his head. 

Is that going to work? Well, the uncle arrives with a picture clearly showing that Korn told some bald-faced lies to Kinn and Porsche. Is Porsche going to stick with his no secrets agreement and show Kinn the picture? I dearly hope so. I want any conflict to be genuine and not manufactured by untold secrets, especially since they have just vowed to be truthful going forward.

[wangxiangst]

the most hilarious and ironic thing for me in the entire kinnporsche series is that Kinn threatens Porsche that his life belongs to him and he can do whatever he wants with it and it turns out that the 'whatever' apparently meant love and cherish and put above everything else

[wangxiangst]

Kinn Chooses Porsche

I think we all just skirted by the fact that Kinn chose Porsche over his family way too fast for my liking. Kinn, the loyal son who stepped into the role of mafia heir even though he never wanted the job in the first place, willingly chose to leave behind his rich and pampered life for a bartender. (Not that there's anything wrong with bartending but Porsche and Kinn are from completely different worlds due to socioeconomic status/class). Yes, we all love Tankhun and Kim but Kinn didn't even think about either one of them when he decided he was going to run away and be Porsche's house husband. That's also something I don't think anyone is talking about. After choosing to shoulder the burden for this long, he deserves a break. I stand by that! But anyway ...

Kinn is accustomed to a very particular lifestyle, which includes people waiting on him hand and foot and doing literally everything for him when he demands it. Plus, he has 24/7 bodyguards at his beck and call willing to die for him at any moment's notice. And yet, he gave all of that up for Porsche. Kinn gave up all of the protections and comforts of his lavish life for Porsche. While Porsche is more realistic when it comes to the effects of that choice (which is a shocker because since when is Porsche the more logical one in this equation), Kinn is just flying high and letting his heart make the choice for him. He's not thinking about the real word effects of any of this. He just wants his Porsche.

To someone like Porsche who prefers a partner who dotes on him and shows him that he's needed, wanted, cherished, and loved, he hit the jackpot here. Regardless of what has happened in their past when trying to find their way to each other, Porsche never truly gave up on Kinn because Kinn is a flawed individual but he has always tried. Once he realized what Porsche needed from him, he quietly corrected things. He didn't fight it; he took it in stride because it meant holding onto the one person who loves him for his real self - not the mafia heir, but the Kinn who would have preferred to be a singer instead of dealing in death and destruction. Kinn is clearly a dreamer too, but he's only allowing himself to be this way because of Porsche. He's proven his love and devotion time and time again, and Kinn just needed to learn how to react to Porsche's devotion better and he has. He appears a lot more aware of Porsche's feelings these days, which tells us he's been doing the internal work for awhile now. Then again, Kinn has been in a relationship before but now he's in a clearly superior one and I'm certain he knows the difference.

Kinn is definitely more emotionally intelligent than people give him credit for.

[wangxiangst]

KinnPorsche's Secret Ceremony

Remember when Kinn said “if I could turn back time, I’d right all the wrongs I did you”? He did it.

Kinn brings Porsche back to where they first met, where all the lies began. But this time, without the tint of Korn’s machinations.

It’s Kinn who wants Porsche this time. Not Korn. Not the mafia. Just Kinn.

The first time they met, the place was basked in blue and gold. In @antique-forvalaka​‘s color theories, those are Porsche’s and the mafia colors, respectively. There were hints of red in the form of the lanterns, but that red symbolized danger and deceiving, not Kinn.

Here, the scene is filled with blue and red, and overwhelmingly, their marriage: purple.

“From now on, there will be no secrets between us.”

From now on, I will not keep things from you anymore. You are my equal in all that matters.

Don’t think about Kinn’s misty eyes. Don’t think about the pain in them because Kinn can’t actually turn back time. He can’t undo all the hurt he has caused Porsche.

But he can try his damndest to do things right from now on.

“My name is Kinn. I’m the head of the main family.”

It pains me that even in their little domestic bubble, in this private moment, Kinn can’t separate himself from his family obligations. But this is him giving Porsche full transparency.

This is who I am. This is my life. Do you accept me?

“Please be my bodyguard.”

His proposal, his hand hanging in the air, waiting for Porsche’s answer. Kinn hasn’t said ‘I love you’ directly to Porsche yet, but it’s ok. Porsche knows it. He can say it for both of them.

Porsche takes his hands, peppers him with kisses, with forgiveness and acceptance.

“I’m the one you love. And the one who loves you.”

Porsche not only accepts Kinn for everything he is. He loves him in his entirety.

And then Kinn places a kiss on Porsche’s hand, affirming his love, devotion and worship. Do you realize what this is? They just exchanged vows.

Under the witness of the red lanterns. The red lanterns of fortune, jubilation and new beginnings. The red lanterns that are raised in Lunar New Year and, you guessed it, weddings.

We got ourselves a metaphorical wedding. I repeat, a metaphorical wedding! Kinn and Porsche were starved, but now they can have their heart’s fill of love and affection, because they have each other.

*** Check out other awesome meta collected by @luckydragon10​ here 🤗.

[wangxiangst]

are you obsessed with how much kinn has grown since the beginning of the show and how much he adores porsche and how he literally begged for forgiveness and promised him exactly what he needed when porsche was about to ditch him vs how nasty he was to porsche during his 'vacation' from being a bodyguard and how unafraid he is to open up to porsche and how he wants domesticity with porsche and how he doesn't pressure porsche into or try and talk him out of shooting the man korn gave him a picture of or how affectionate and comforting and warm he is to porsche or how thoughtful he was when he took porsche back to where everything began for a new start or just how much he loves him without even having to say it or are you normal

[wangxiangst]

Chemistry, Comfortability & Continuity...or how Kinn & Porsche keep selling it.

In order for me to believe in two characters being in love on screen, they have to show me three things: chemistry, comfortability and continuity. Thing is when I think about it, this rule I have is specific to BL. I have seen some awful display of "affections" so far. And in order to protect myself from further great disappointment, I had to be apprehensive and install rules: slash, pick and choose. While continuity can be put in parenthesis, due to several reasons I will explain later, chemistry and comfortability cannot. They feed each other alternatively and are primordial for a convincing love story between two persons: they need to be well understood and incorporated within characters romantically involved with each other (long post).

How do I define chemistry? - It is the pull and clear attraction that exists between two characters (can be for several people at the same time but for the sake of this post, I'm talking about monogamous relationships). The subtle bond that makes the audience understand that two characters are on the same wavelength romantically and compatible for one another.

What about comfortability? - Another synonym would be natural. This has more to do with the actors being good actors than anything else. Showing to the audience through their characters that they desire their partner and convincing the audience of that desire. Acting out intimacy and affection smoothly while respecting the flow of the story displayed on screen.

Now, for continuity - it is both showing two individuals being in love throughout time and showing variation of that love throughout time (what I call variation is lots of kisses, making love, stares, different type of kisses, fucking, touches, longing, tenderness, cheering, the details, caresses, words of affection etc...). In real life, most people having romantic feelings for each other do not stop showing affection to one another after their first kiss, right? So why should love on screen be any different. This is somewhat rare in BL for several reasons. First reason, the show wants to keep the audience interested and only couple the two characters by the end of the show so no continuity is possible. Second reason, the show has enough time to show continuity but decided that the first kiss was enough material to show love: so it doesn't bother for more. Third reason, the show shows continuity but it is not enough both in time and/or in variation. Fourth, the circumstances of the characters' storyline doesn't allow them to show continuity even if they could.

Kinn & Porsche display the 3 on screen and I just love it. LOVE IT!

If two characters have chemistry but no comfortability, it is the equivalent of a slap in the face to the audience. We all have experienced, at least once, two characters having great chemistry and said chemistry being thrown out in the sewer the second they have touched each other lips. No movement of lips, no emotions conveyed, just flat completely flat and more often than not accompanied with actors being out of characters/showing discomfort. Or the opposite, eating each other faces awkwardly and/or being clumsy. The audience is completely thrown off from the scene because the chemistry doesn't match the comfortability. This is the worst feeling an audience could experience after waiting so long for two characters to be intimate.

If two characters have comfortability but no chemistry, there is no point in pursuing either. It always start with chemistry.

Now Kinn & Porsche.

It has been said over an over, but it is never said enough. The level as to how they convince the audience of their love week after week, is mind blowing sometimes. I don't know if it is because I'm not used to have that much being shown with two characters in love, but I am constantly amazed of what they are able to convey and crave for more.

I mean look at this!

His love for Porsche pours out from the screen. Completely and utterly in aww of the man in front of him, cannot believe his luck to have found him. For Porsche to have chosen him, for the man in front of him to be here with him at this instant. Look at his eyes!

Do I have to say more on how completely in love Porsche is with Kinn. The comfort of being within his embrace, safe, loved and pampered by this man, the way he looks at him...completely giving himself to him, his emotions on a plater...Lord.

Their touches...they are always touching each other. They can't stop, ruffling hair, caressing the other for comfort, Kinn's thumb having a life on his own etc...and all of this in the most natural way. I'm just...I want more.

When you look at them, you feel like they want to be inside each other skin so badly: to not let go of the other and just be. Their portrayal of passionate love is a feast for my eyes.

On top of their already amazing chemistry and comfortability, Kinn & Porsche give us continuity. Showing us their intense love and devotion for one another through their gestures, gaze, act of love and time. Something I will miss dearly with how the upcoming episodes are looking.

(...I mean I also want the angst...just think of the reunion they will offer after it)

[wangxiangst]

I feel like it's maybe pointing out the obvious but I can't stop thinking about how important the "be my bodyguard" scene (or "red scene" as Mile and Apo fondly call it) is. It's a scene that I think has been coming for a long time; something that we have needed for a long time, and I really loved how they did it.

Things they haven't said to each other, and secrets they've kept—and the trust issues created by association—have been at heart of their conflicts throughout the entire series: in episode 5, Kinn is not honest with his feelings for Porsche, resulting in disaster; in episode 7, the fact that Kinn hasn't told Porsche about Tawan creates a rift between the two of them, pushing Porsche further towards Vegas and affecting Kinn's trust issues; in episode 9, Porsche listening in on Kinn because he doesn't trust him is the reason why Kinn has to lock him up—and Kinn's failure to communicate his plan with him both in ep 9 and early in episode 10 add to this conflict. Even in episode 12, that argument about the fact that Kinn hadn't been honest with Porsche about why he hired him is rooted in the same issue: honesty, or the failure to share it, with each other.

And this secret in particular—one so alarming that it made Porsche throw up a physical touch boundary between the two of them, eliminating their main form of communication—is key, because it has affected Porsche's entire life, and Chay's life by association. It has been lurking throughout their entire relationship, as yet unresolved. But Kinn's character growth, and their relationship growth, means that they can now resolve it—through words rather than sex, and the promise of honesty, and the clear signal that Kinn is sending of choosing Porsche by moving out of the main family house to live with him.

And so I love that they chose—that Kinn chose—to give us this scene here, back where it all started. Back where that first lie stemmed from. In episode 6, we saw them fall into a river, which washed away their hostility towards each other, creating a fresh slate for them to build their relationship on in the freedom of the woods: here, Kinn is intentionally making that choice to wipe things clean himself, rather than being nudged into it by circumstance. And just like they found freedom in that ability to be themselves in the woods, this is also bringing them freedom—the freedom of not having to hide anything from each other anymore.

Kinn's line "there will be no more secrets between us" sums up this scene—and everything that has been building up to it—perfectly. (Also, in the trailer this line is layered over a shot of them in the woods—following what I said above: nice!) I actually think that, in hindsight, trust has not been as much of an issue since they resolved it in the episode 7 bathroom scene as communication has been—they have had conflict, yes, but most of it has been around not telling each other things, rather than not trusting each other (I have more thoughts on this if anyone is interested!). So this line about no more secrets is not only about trusting each other, but more importantly about communication and total honesty—of their feelings, and of their selves.

In my mirrors and reflections meta I've often talked about how the fact that we still see them reflected together has been a clue that they still have yet had to resolve this honesty issue—that there have still been things lurking below the surface. In episode 10, I pointed out that their reflection in the pool was small, blurry: they were getting closer to that resolution.

There are still two episodes left, but I think they've reached it. They've broken down that final barrier, and started being fully open and honest with each other—and now when they have the Pool Scene we will see them in the place where they were once reflected, breaking up those reflections and any lingering doubts with their real, true selves. (And if we do get more reflections of them together, then I will simply be wrong, and that's okay! Also I know we still have the "I'm on your side" scene coming but I am feeling more and more like that might be a misdirect from the trailer and will be largely external and not related to their honesty issues. But watch this series prove me wrong as it has time and time again!)

So when Kinn asks Porsche, "Be my bodyguard," he's not only starting over again with the same words he used all the way back in episode one: he's also asking for them to be each other's, for complete two-way transparency and honesty and trust, and to stay with him—to choose him. And Porsche responds by affirming the love they have for each other, cementing that promise. It's nothing short of a marriage proposal. I can understand why it was Mile's favourite scene, because I think it might be one of mine too.