wegiveitfivemonths-blog

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Well it's been over 24 hours since our return. Though Harriet is now in balmy Bromley and I in tropical Basingstoke, this entry will hopefully reflect both of our experiences while travelling (Harriet would probably include having to clear up my biblical errors of judgment). It was the greatest five months of my life. Being able to see the most breath taking sites, embracing a myriad of different cultures and getting to do all of it with a special, special person. I'm going to keep it brief because I've given you a lot of reading over the past five months and you deserve some time off so here goes...the flight wasn't as bad as I thought it would be (told you it would be brief, we also saw the GB athletics team returning from Belgrade which was cool). Thank you for sharing in our adventure and we hope to have given you a taste of something different. I certainly hope this won't be the final entry from the two idiots but if it is, we gave it five months and it's safe to say I'd give it at least another five. Goodbye.

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The Atherton Tablelands, our final guided tour of the trip. It was a 6am wake up call which was not particularly welcome. We boarded the bus with half a coffee and a Tim Tam apiece in the system. Fortunately our driver, Rowan, had more that enough enthusiasm for all thirteen of us and was able to lift the collective gloom of having to be out of bed at the crack of dawge n. The Atherton Tablelands are essentially a small mountain range consumed by dense rainforest. It was no dissimilar to one of our very first days in Thailand in terms of scenery and with the the weather less than perfect, it felt as if we had come full circle. Our first stop was a lake which contained freshwater Crocs. Convinced by Rowan that they were 'pretty laid back' we took a dip and emerged with all our limbs present and correct. A trip to a waterfall (the name escapes me as does the name of the lake, I've remembered the next two, though) followed morning tea which consisted of watermelons, biscuits and an odd coconut sponge cake. Though I can't remember the name of the waterfall, I can recall how cold it was. My extremities were not prepared for the freezing, liquidy embrace. Having dried myself off and warmed up sufficiently, I noticed some movement in the tree directly opposite me. A tree kangaroo began scuttling down the trunk and bouncing around in the bush beneath. Rowan informed us that this close encounter is a once in a year occurrence and we were very fortunate to see this monkey/kangaroo hybrid in such close proximity. Millaa Millaa (so good they named it twice) falls next and for those of you who are unaware, this waterfall shot to fame because of Peter Andre's rippling plastic abs. The Herbal Essences advert was also shot here and Harriet did her best dramatic hair flick to emulate the lady with her clean and fragrant barnet. It tipped it down at Josephine falls so our stay there was brief. We arrived back around 6pm. Despite being exhausted, our social butterfly status was not to be retired and so we went for a few drinks with our Fraser Island mandem before turning in around midnight. This might well be the penultimate post in wegiveitfivemonths, bloody hell.

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I'm losing track of days. I make it 2nd March 2017 but I'm not entirely convinced, it felt like 10th October 2016 about a week ago. Today has been a day of embracing the Hilton Double Tree. 'HILTON?! These are no backpackers', I hear you cry. Well, courtesy of Sally and Jayne (that's Aunties to me), we are enjoying a taste of paradise for four whole nights (again, thank you!). We're now two nights down, the first of which was after a six hour journey to Cairns. The second was last night after an adrenaline laced day for Harriet. We started the day as we always do, with a healthy McDonald's breakfast. I thought it best that Harriet had her stomach lined so she could puke it all up at 14,000ft (there's your hint). We confirmed that the operator was picking us up from the correct destination at the Hilton's tour desk. There we encountered a wonderfully rude lady who accused me of chickening out of a skydive (she's hit the nail on the head) and then berated the person on the phone as well as the paperwork we were given. So, if you hadn't guessed by now, Harriet was going to jump out of a plane and have a bit of fabric break her fall. We drove two hours to the site which felt like a supply line of sorts. You sign your life away, hop on the plane, jump out and land. In truth, I was a little nervous. Luckily, I saw the dribble Queen of Queensland (apparently there was some rogue saliva on the jump) descend gracefully to the floor. She was absolutely buzzing although, judging by the photos, she looked as if she had done more than just let some rogue dribble out. We arrived back In Cairns around 5pm (the skydive itself was all of 5 minutes). After disembarking, there was the ungodly sound of screeching around the hotel. Bats. They're everywhere and they're the size of Condors. The tropical climate is an absolute haven for the fruit loving critters who don't half pill and ink. There was only one thing on the mind for dinner, a picnic tea. We sat on the hotel room floor with a tub of tzatziki a bag of carrots and a pack of double coated Tim Tams. T minus four days...

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Yesterday we took a bus up to Townsville, enjoyed a first class portion of fish and chips and had an early night in preparation for today. Today was and is Magnetic Island. It's a 20 minute ferry from Townsville and in the heart of the Barrier Reef (I say heart, it's 3000km long so I don't exactly know if it constitutes heart. May well be intestine or spleen for all I know). It's a lot like Abel Tasman (please refer to our New Zealand section) and therefore we love it. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it eclipses Abel Tasman due to its superior wildlife, more on that later. We first visited Horseshoe Bay at the northern tip of the island. It was sweltering and remained so for the rest of the morning/early afternoon (the heat always provides us with an excuse to have an ice cream, don't know if we'll get away with this trick much in Basingstoke/Bromley). The jellyfish risk was 'fairly high' today, so while we paddled a little we were sure to not spend extended time in the water. At one point, the lifeguard raced into the water on his paddle board to attend to a beefy man who was clutching his arm in the deeper waters. Turns out he had just been over enthusiastic with his front crawl and popped a shoulder out of joint. After the ice cream (and sausage roll and big bag of cheese balls), we turned our attention to Fort's Walk. This is renowned as being one of the premier walks on the island and gives you an opportunity to appreciate Australia's' involvement in WW2, as well as giving you a healthy chance of seeing Koalas in their natural environment. I must confess my ignorance first and foremost, I had no clue that Australia played such a pivotal role in the events between 1939 and 1945. After educating myself, I turned my attention to spotting Koalas. Turns out I needn't had bothered as my hawk eye girlfriend spotted them for the both of us. The first, a cheeky chap in a tall tree who was just beyond the capabilities of our camera phones (there are some pictures but the clarity is horrendous). The second was far less camera shy though, he was in branches just above eye level and, with some gentle coaxing, turned his head slightly to be papped. On our walk back we saw a further three Koalas taking our total to five and a very happy pair of travellers we were. Nutella sandwiches and a cocktail (included with our stay) for dinner and now we are relaxing in the hostel room, fighting the urge to go and play 'boozy bingo'. Cairns tomorrow. You're moving too fast, time.

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Harriet's sleep first. I went beneath deck to check on Parky who did NOT look amused. A brummy lady called Dawn, who had declared her peaceful nights sleep not moments before, had kept half the boat awake with her booming snoring. By all accounts, I didn't have the worst nights sleep although I did have one monumental freak at about 3am. I awoke, clearly in an attempt to shake off whatever nightmare I was having. It was at this point I sat up and realised I was on a boat in the middle of the ocean (stars were incredible when I eventually calmed down). My brain was clearly not in gear and I began shouting and panicking, questioning where everyone was and why the bloody hell I was at sea. The girl next to me rose from her slumber and calmed me down. She assured me that I was meant to be on the boat as I had booked this Whitsundays cruise. Hugely embarrassed, I apologised for waking her and went back to sleep, telling myself not to be alarmed if I woke up again. We snorkelled in the morning, it wasn't great. The only thing we could make out with any clarity was a massive sting ray which, remembering our dear fallen comrade Steve Irwin, we remained well clear of. We arrived back on dry land at 11am and the only other thing of note during the day was a massive scuffle in the pub attached to our hostel. I would have run over to intervene but it looked like Andre the Giant vs. The Big Show and I have a flight to catch in a week...

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Day two of the Whitsundays and much like the Fraser Island trip, it was our busiest day. We were woken at 6 by the boats engine. Harriet had a fairly decent nights sleep. I, on the other hand, was battered by wind throughout the night and considered the loss of limbs through frostbite at one point (dramatic, I know). We began sailing straightaway to get a glimpse of the fabled Whitehaven beach, a jewel in the glittering crown of the Great Barrier Reef. Unfortunately, due to high tide and rainy season, the views weren't as spectacular as you often seen on google images. They were still pretty decent though, certainly the best thing we've seen in Aus so far. We relaxed on the priceless silica-laden sand for a couple of hours. I relaxed so much that I left some dribble behind, the sleep on the boat was clearly not sufficient for my Koala like needs. When we walked back to the shore we were inundated with the presence of turtles, their heads bobbing up to gain precious air before diving down again. One emerged almost from underneath our little dingy, gave a big puff and what looked like a faint smile and was gone. We have certainly become huge supporters of the turtle kind during our adventures. Sailing once more and this time we both got involved, spinning a handle forward and back for approximately thirty seconds. We were told that our role was imperative, I remain sceptical. Now for those of you who were unaware, one of my biggest ambitions on this trip was the prospect of scuba-diving the GBR. We did just this during the afternoon. It was fantastic....... however, we only experienced the coral and with visibility being relatively low, it wasn't what you'd expect. Don't get me wrong, I'm still delighted I saw it but for those of you with a keen interest in diving, Fiji is truly the place to be. Something I have neglected to mention is the weather, its mental. One minute you are in blistering sunshine and the next, stormy downpours which feel like the end of the world. In the evening, we were treated to nachos on a remote beach where we also had a game of touch rugby. A German lad didn't understand the concept of 'touch' and was clearly not well versed in the rules of offside. In short, I got müllered by a charging kraut who looked like he had death in his eyes. Upon returning to the boat, the teenagers began to drink. I don't know where they get all this money and energy from, they're like affluent spaniels. Long story short, they drank until late and the sleep we both had was an interesting one...

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Our final night bus (barring any unfortunate turn of events) is done. We checked in for our Whitsundays trip and then treated ourselves to a coffee and 'Macca's Free Wi-Fry'. 'Condor' was to be our vessel for the 2d/2n sail and sail was the first thing on the agenda. Masts were hoisted up, ropes were pulled and we flew through the water at break neck speed (we personally did bugger all). You have to ensure when sailing that you sit on the high side, the other side is appropriately named 'suiside' as it gets battered by waves and other sea gunk. Officially, the only thing I know about boats. Once the mainland was out of sight, we went for an afternoon snorkel. Fish and coral aplenty although with limited snoozing over the past few days, we became very tired very quickly. Back on the boat there were snack trays. Crackers, peppers, carrots and beetroot hummus to wet the appetite before dinner. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this but the Aussies love their beetroot. They have it in sandwiches, burgers and as a side to many mainstay dishes. Actually rather enjoying it now. We were then social for a few hours and before we knew it, it was bed time. Harriet slept beneath deck, her body being able to withstand warmer temperatures than mine. I slept on deck to remain cool and admire the stars. They were superb but we've seen better. After all, we are seasoned travellers.

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Fraser Island (3 of 3) Our final morning on Fraser meant our final breakfast of knock off weetabix and uht milk. I can safely say that is a breakfast I will not be having in the near future. Lake McKenzie is the reason many travel to Fraser and this destination was to mark the end of our camping experience. The drive there was brutal but it wasn't to be the worst of the day by a long chalk... the lake itself has been there for millions of years and consists entirely of rain water. It's pretty unique and unbelievably clear. In addition the sand can be rubbed into your hair, skin and teeth to exfoliate and whiten (in the latter's case). Having not seen soap for two and a half days we weren't expecting much difference. We should have been more optimistic. Hair and skin was left feeling truly luxurious. They could packet that stuff up and sell it for an absolute fortune. Now for the second drive... I was in control (so to speak) and was told that we would be encountering the hardest terrain of the whole trip. It started well but on one particular part of the track my back left wheel decided to go AWOL and I span out of control and had to break heavily to avoid a meeting with a gum tree. The passengers were glad of my quick reactions and I continued, only to find out the reason for my lack of control. In short, we had a huge blow out. I had caught something previously and progressing on the track only compounded the problem, there was a bang and a hiss and I could move no more. After approximately an hour a new tyre was applied and I finished the rest of the track without a problem (the whole experience put the fear of God into me). Back on the mainland and SHOWER TIME!! The feeling of being clean after three days in searing heat, sand and tents really is unparalleled. We had steak for dinner because we're both princesses and played cards before the night bus to airlie beach. To Andy, Danny, Inge, Jamie and James, thanks for a class couple of days. Whitsundays starts tomorrow. Could really do with some memory foam right now.

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Fraser Island (2 of 3)... There's a fair bit of laying around on this trip, I've got to be honest. This was typified by our starting point for the day, Eli Creek. It's naturally occurring fresh water which is said to cure hangovers. We didn't have hangovers and staying there for two hours seemed a bit OTT, particularly when most people were in bed by 11. 'Hangovers' cured, we visited the Maheno shipwreck and then the champagne pools, so called because of the foam which travels over the rocks into the lagoons. It was pretty cool but the draw of playing football with a few of the guys was too much for me (it's like an addiction). Arguably the coolest aspect of the day was walking up to Indian Head, a cliff top with panoramic views of the island. From the precipice we could see enormous eagle rays surrounding the base of the cliff. Apparently they're a favourite snack of Great Whites but clearly they weren't hungry at that point in time. At dinner, Andy (one of the new pals) was cooking up a storm at the grill when he felt what he thought was a rogue sausage on his foot. I heard the commotion from the toilet and rushed out to be informed by Harriet that there was a 4ft snake which had slithered over his foot. Brett, our tour guide, informed us that this snake wasn't deadly but that didn't stop some of the German girls from sleeping in the car. The snake did in fact return later on in the evening, clearly in an attempt to make friends (he/she didn't really succeed with this endeavour). We had more goon and played cards. Once again the card shark that is Harriet Park emerged as she rinsed us on numerous occasions. Her saying 'go fish' is going to haunt my dreams.

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Fraser Island antics are coming at you in waves. This marks the first instalment (1 of 3)... I'm actually going to rewind. Just after I finished composing the latest blog entry we met a phenomenally strange (and battered) Aussie man who had apparently kayaked 200km to Hervey Bay during the day and planned to conquer the water surrounding Antarctica and Indonesia with just a boat and paddle. After some gentle probing we left, only so much strange we can handle. I showered at half five the next morning, knowing it would be the last for quite some time. I was then tasked with driving the Toyota Land Cruiser to the ferry port and toward our accommodation on the island. Now driving in sand is something neither of us have experienced before, I think it told. Half way through a dense track the car found itself stuck in the sand. Fortunately I was given sage advice by our guide so, in a flap and a faff, i popped the cruiser into reverse and then slammed on the accelerator to evade the self inflicted sandy ditch. The first venture was a rainforest walk where we were informed that 7 of the 9 most deadly snakes in the world take up residence on the island. Petrified, we carried on through the rainforest to fill our water bottles up from a naturally occurring spring. At lunch we attempted to bond with fellow campers and succeeded (I think). Harriet then tried her hand at driving on sand, beginning with a tricky hill start. Despite a couple of back end wobbles, she triumphed and declared that she would retire after one flawless drive. During Harriet's drive we also saw a couple of Dingo puppies. They're essentially skinny looking dogs who are reportedly vicious when provoked. (It felt like bed time at this point but it was only about 3pm.) Our final excursion of the day was a hike through some sand dunes which surrounded a smelly green lake (something to do with tea tree oil) where people went with the promise that fish would eat the dead skin off your body. Not something I really subscribe too. The goon turned out to be relatively tasty all things considered and they made the already stunning stars all the more spectacular. The night was sweaty and sandy but on a beach in Australia, you're kinda asking for it.

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Today has largely been a prep day. We're in Hervey Bay which is the gateway to the famous Fraser Island. We took a stroll down the beach where we saw the most ridiculous sporting competition OF ALL TIME. There were people on kayak/surfboard hybrids and boys running and jumping onto sticks buried in the sand. We think it was some form of Aussie triathlon but god only knows why they didn't stick to the traditional one. This afternoon we had our briefing for the trip which involves prepping our own food, sleeping in tents and (the bit that nearly gave me a coronary) no showers for three days. Having recovered from the shock (and the thought of the smell), we went out with our food group to purchase essentials. These essentials consisted of knock off weetabix, uht milk and onions. We then went to the off license to purchase five litres of goon. We haven't experienced it yet but apparently it's knock off wine which is said to contain (in some cases) traces of fish and eggs. You'll hopefully here from us in three days but if all five litres go, there's no guarantees.

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There's a table tennis table in this hostel so naturally I've wanted to play a game while Harriet settles for 'competitive rallies'. It's been a beach day today, not dissimilar to our beach days in Koh Lanta, beautiful seas and piercing sunshine. Only this time we were joined by washed up jellyfish. After the tan was topped up sufficiently, we went to the supermarket to buy some packet noodles, custard creams and salt and vinegar crisps. I'm sure you'll all agree that we're hitting all of the food groups thoroughly. Dinner was billed as a 'roast' to which we happily contributed five dollars each. Clearly the onsite chef wasn't feeling at his culinary best so we were left to settle for watermelon, salad and oven pizzas. Still, saved us cooking.

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I'll level with you, I've got writer's block on this entry. I keep chopping and changing the start in a vain attempt to be witty. I'm just going to tell it like it is (rather like Aaron Neville once did). We went to Australia Zoo today and it's the best zoo either of us have ever been to! First appearances can be deceiving and they certainly were when we arrived. After cramming our big bags into lockers, we raced through the first few reptile exhibitions and thought we'd do the whole thing in a couple of hours. Oh how wrong we were... our first encounter with Koalas (1 of 3) was pretty good. They were very docile (to be expected) and we got a couple of snaps. Continuing with animals native to Australia, we headed to the Kangaroo paddock. Now I think Kangaroos get a bad press. Maybe it was my naivety but I assumed they were all 7ft tall with rippling abs and had a kick so powerful they could split you in two. In reality, they're so gentle and you even get to feed them. This was my personal highlight, they bounced on over and ate the sawdust looking snacks in our hand, enjoying a scratch on the ears in the process (they're not the quietest of eaters but I'll let that slide). Koalas (2 of 3) had a similar tactile experience to the Kangaroo encounter. We got to stroke a little Koala on his backside while he slept. They really are adorable. I had been warned that they smell faintly of urine but clearly these ones had just had a bath. They really would be the ultimate pet if you had numerous gum trees at your disposal. Tigers next and as ever, they were effortlessly majestic (I want to go into detail about all of the animals but I'm neither an encyclopaedia nor that interesting to maintain your concentration). To the CROCOSEUM for our lunchtime entertainment. They had birds and snakes and stuff but my god did the saltwater crocodiles steal the show. We were lucky to catch both demonstrations with them during the day and they are truly terrifying. The noise their jaw generates when biting down on pig meat is enough to send shivers down your spine, can't imagine what it's like for a swine. Koala (3 of 3) and it's rare to see Harriet get so excited that she grits her teeth and shakes her arms in utter joy. She got to hold a bear (technically a marsupial but I'm not going to take it away from her) as we posed for a picture in which we both look remarkably shiny (sweat). Tiger and Otter demonstrations finished off what was an amazing day. We're now sitting in our hostel in Noosa planning how we're going to get a Koala through customs.

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Brisbane. Labelled a working city, we had been told by many that it does not hold much for the average tourist. We attempted to disprove this (we didn't) as we set off on foot to explore its many nooks and crannies. First and foremost was admin, booking hostels for the rest of our journey as well as downloading episodes of forensic files on Netflix. Once this mission was accomplished, we headed to the science museum which was free. I think at this point if someone said nipple piercings were free I'd contemplate it, that word holds considerable more weight in Australia. It was alright, there were dinosaurs which is always a plus and a giant squid which I now find myself utterly fascinated by (thank you, Ryan). The city centre was like many others, high rises and expensive niche restaurants. The botanical gardens looked a bit like Eastrop Park (for those of you who know Basingstoke, you get it). One thing i should mention are the lizards, they're everywhere. They sit there with an oddly judgmental look on their faces and run between your legs before diving into nearby shrubbery. We had a Dominos for lunch. In our defence, it's seven dollars and we shared it. Harriet had a curly wurly for pud and I had a slurpee, an icy dollar treat which is hard to beat. Nothing on at the cinema apart from a Korean film and two Bollywood numbers (we weren't keen), so we ventured back via the library. Free BBQ for dinner at the hostel, flimsy bread with a lamb/beef sausage hybrid. Again the word free negates any need for quality ingredients. We then sat and watched about eight episodes of The Inbetweeners in the common room. Brisbane, well and truly a working city.

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Today we said bye to Byron. The hostel was really very nice, aside from the German whose snores sounded like they wouldn't have been out of place on an airfield. In truth, it hasn't been the best day for either of us. Harriet had a hideous migraine which only subsided after a heavy dose of sulphadine and coffee. I am now nursing a hand which looks more like that of fat toddler than a nearly 24 year old man (I use the term man generously). I don't know if it's broken but it's painful and has also made me realise just how much I use my right hand. I'm conforming to this righty society, soon I'll have nothing left (get it?). Despite our ailments, we were able to take a leisurely walk around the bay which would not look out of place in Cornwall (apart from the weather, of course). We then boarded the bus to Brisbane which, oddly, is in a different time zone. The hostels up the coast are chockablock and so, for the first time in over four months, Harriet and I are in different rooms. We both turned in at the same time although no doubt she's off painting the town red. A German girl has just guffed in her sleep and the fan has caught hold of it, I certainly hope that was a one off...

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Yesterday was a bit of a stressful one. I won't go over it comprehensively, all I will say is that we booked a couple of excursions and subsequently believed we'd been diddled. We hadn't but I did my traditional flap and made a mole hill into several mountains. On the bright side dinner was 'all you can eat' pizza, so I drowned my sorrows in mozzarella. After a deep albeit sweltering nights sleep, we were ready to catch some gnarly waves man. Surfing is exhausting! Battered by waves for two hours while paddling frantically and trying not to go arse over face when you eventually haul yourself on to the board. Fearless (and stupid), I was able to ride a few waves to the shore and man was I smug about it. Karma did rear its ugly head, however, I got a board right to the Adam's apple and have also injured my hand pretty badly. Typing is hurting but such is my commitment to keeping you informed, I'm powering through. Harriet had less success to begin with but after some extra tuition with board master Joel, she was up on her feet like a natural. This afternoon we read and snoozed on bean bags. We then joined in a game of volleyball where I was utilising my head and feet due to previously mentioned sore hand. Harriet was referred to as 'the windmill' for her powerful tennis-like approach to the sport. We're now relaxing after a healthy salad dinner (requires no prep and is pretty cheap) ready for Brisbane tomorrow. Ain't no rest for the wicked.