wellshitmeariver

[wellshitmeariver]

shout out to everyone who participated in the january-february mass depressive episode

[wellshitmeariver]

late but important

[wellshitmeariver]

all goofing aside I genuinely don’t understand the urge to reimagine Taylor Allison Swift as a secretly queer icon when the pop music scene™ is like. literally overflowing with women who actually like women. Gaga and Kesha and Miley and Halsey are right there. Rina Sawayama and Hayley Kiyoko and Rebecca Black and Kehlani and Victoria Monét and Miya Folick if you’re willing to get slightly less top 100. Janelle and Demi for them nonbinary takes on liking girls. like what are we doing here. like I’m not even saying you can’t enjoy Taylor but why would you hang all your little gay hopes on her.

[wellshitmeariver]

daily reminder that 'porn addiction' is a myth perpetuated by far right evangelical groups.

As long as your porn consumption is not interfering with your work or social life, it's considered normal.

Actual psychology research shows that people who identify as 'porn addicts' don't actually consume more porn than average. What do they have in common? They were raised to view sex as shameful.

https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2020-04888-001

[wellshitmeariver]

http://www.wsj.com/articles/BL-LB-51793 This is honest to god one of the funniest things I think I have ever seen. The idea of giving a baby a theme party based on a local personal injury attorney is something i am so jealous of I dont know how to properly put it into words. Also the fact that the lawyer didn’t come to the party somehow makes it even funnier.

[wellshitmeariver]

[wellshitmeariver]

[wellshitmeariver]

[wellshitmeariver]

😳 <- this emoji but without the blush or romantic connotation. im not blushing im staring you directly in your fucking eyes

[wellshitmeariver]

who wore it better?

[wellshitmeariver]

have i ever told y’all about the greatest moment of my academic career

i was a freshman in college and i had this history teacher who was ~edgy~ and his hotness level on ratemyprofessor was off the charts and he was the first teacher i ever heard use the word “fuck.” anyway he would do this thing every so often where we’d have a “quiz” and the first two questions were always really easy and the last one was hard - they were all similar questions, and the point was to show what you learn about history and what you don’t. 

so one day he’s like okay kids time for a quiz and the first question was who killed abraham lincoln. the second question was who killed JFK. third question was who killed william mckinley. 

we all take a few minutes and write down our answers, and then the teacher asks the questions again so we can shout out the answers. everybody answered the first two with really no problem.

now, keep in mind that this class was at 9 a.m. and i was exhausted All The Time during my freshman year of college so i sat in the back in my sweats and never said a word and the teacher definitely had no clue who i was. 

so you can imagine his surprise when he asked the class who shot william mckinley and without missing a beat i said, “czolgosz,” pronounced correctly and everything. 

my teacher froze and in a very stern voice asked, “what was that? what did someone just say?”

i repeated: czolgosz.

my teacher: “who said that?”

i raised my hand, and my super cool history teacher glared at me. he then asked me how the hell i knew the answer. he said that in the TWENTY YEARS he’d been teaching this stupid class, nobody, not A SINGLE PERSON, had ever known the answer to that question.

i then had to quietly explain to a room full of people that there’s a musical called assassins and there’s a song about czolgosz shooting william mckinley at the great pan american exposition in buffaloooooooo (in buffaloooooooo)

[wellshitmeariver]

[wellshitmeariver]

You know what they say, you snooze you lose. And it looks like, you snost and you lost.

[wellshitmeariver]

wow. wrote a full sentence. im a god. im done for the day

#my adhd ass starting a 4000 essay 2 days before it's due

[wellshitmeariver]

okay tumblr’s exclusion from the twitter social media ban list is hilarious but genuinely we do not belong on there. if a real human person asks “where can i find you on social media” and your choice is a swift death or revealing your tumblr, most of us would simply expire. half of y’all change urls every week like you’re in witness protection. just imagine for one second attaching your wholeass government name to your latest two am clownposting and tell me that didn’t send a cold chill down your spine. the only place i ever want to see the words “connect with me on tumblr!” is on the ao3 profile of an author i’m actively stalking. anyone in the world can follow me except anyone i personally know. antisocial media.

[wellshitmeariver]

not to sound like a victorian woman suffering from hysteria but i do think going to the sea would fix me

[wellshitmeariver]

I want to fuck your throat

my thrussy!?!?