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wessonba · 4 years

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First, let me say that 5.01 “The Fiery Cross” was a masterful mix of old and new. It was recognizably based on the book but told with enough new and yet plausible surprises to keep me glued to my screen. It totally could have happened that way. And, although I love Diana Gabaldon, and her gathering, I’m relieved they didn’t feel the need to replicate it in this episode. Instead, they gave us the wedding of Roger and Bree. It was a wonderful and joyous reunion filled with the people I have missed during this long drought. As each face was shown on the screen, I found myself smiling somewhat tearfully. I really do love this story and these characters.

As usual, when I sit down to write after an episode, a blow by blow recap of what happened isn’t on my mind. There are lots of talented bloggers out there who do a great job looking at EVERTHING! I admire their ability to do so, but that just isn’t how my brain works. I find myself thinking about one or two things that stood out for me or an overall mood or theme for each episode. This week I couldn’t stop thinking about Jamie. The Jamie I saw on my screen this week was the charming, complicated, yet simple man I have been longing to see. As he stood before Claire wearing his plaid and his father’s coat, it felt like he had finally come into his own; laird, proud Scot, husband, father, grandfather. He is a man and “that is no small thing”. His tear-filled eyes throughout this episode revealed his soul and I found myself proud to “know” such a man.

Jamie and Bree

Matt Roberts writes with such love for this story and its characters. He holds all the previous episodes in mind when he creates and tends to the small and endearing details. In this episode, he called us back to the three conditions Jamie made when he agrees to marry Claire; a dress, a priest, and a ring. We are treated to Jamie trying his best to make sure his daughter’s wedding day is the best he can make it, just like he tried for her mother. I was charmed by Jamie making sure Bree had her “modern” wedding tradition of something old, something new (fairly raw whiskey, ouch), something borrowed and something blue and even a sixpence for her shoe. His obvious fatherly concern is compounded by the fact that their relationship is still so new. He just got her back and now he has to give her away.

As he turns the corner and sees Bree in her wedding dress, you can chase the emotions across his face; awe, pride, gratefulness, and finally a need to hold it all in check for this beloved and found daughter. He could never have dreamed of placing his mother’s pearls on his daughter’s neck. He is able to pass on a family heirloom to his own flesh and blood. She is his blessing. She is the embodiment of the fact that his sacrifices were not in vain. He is moved to tears by her confession that she needs him and will always be his wee girl and the gift of her knowing and repeating the Fraser clan motto, “Je Suis Prest”.

Jamie and Claire

Throughout the episode, we are reminded of Jamie and Claire’s deep, passionate, and abiding love for one another. The looks that pass between each, the unspoken language of couples who are so close they know what the other thinks and feels, added so much to this episode. Once again, the writers or actors took care to be consistent in how this couple interacts with each other like the “let’s do this” nod when Jamie goes off to do something dangerous. But, Lord the looks between Jamie and Claire at the wedding. He looks around at all he has wrought, the family he is surrounded by, and then back to Claire. Who knows. He is overwhelmed by all he has that he thought he had lost forever. He is a laird, a father, a…husband. I am constantly reminded of all they had been denied and wonder if Jamie feels like Job who was blessed in his latter days and given twice as much as had been taken from him.

Jamie and the Governor

I teach literature. When I help students analyze Shakespeare, we talk about foils. Governor Tyron was perfectly menacing and a perfect foil for Jamie. You couldn’t help but compare the two. Their motivations, their values, couldn’t be more opposite. The Governor has the care of a land and its people. Jamie has the care of a land and its people. The Governor is motivated by power and his own importance. Murtaugh has made him look a fool and must be punished publicly to restore Tyron’s pride and preserve the perception of his power. Jamie is motivated by love, honor, and duty. The knowledge of the future lays heavy on him. He knows who wins the war, but first, you must survive the battle. Instinctively he knows the best way to protect his men and their families is to assure their loyalty to him. He creates a clan from the remnants of their memories and Scottish pride. When he called Roger “the son of my house” and Fergus “the son of his heart”, he gave them a public affirmation of his acceptance and his love. Pledging their loyalty to him on bended knee with holy iron was one of the most moving callbacks of the whole series. I loved Roger’s initial confusion then Jamie’s surprise as the scholar moved from academic to real with alacrity.

Jamie and Murtagh

We began and ended the episode with these two. Murtagh pledges an oath to Jamie, a promise he gave his mother to always follow him and have his back. He gently reaches out and takes wee Jamie’s hand in reassurance. Men in this time are definitely defined by their word and once given it is a serious and binding commitment. Murtagh pledged his life to Jamie. We have seen him keep that oath. We saw Jamie’s joy at being reunited with his godfather last season. However, the real depth of feeling Jamie has for Murtagh could only be guessed at… until this moment. How much that oath meant to Jamie and his love for his godfather was revealed in this final scene. To save him, Jamie must release Murtagh from his oath and send him away. In true Jamie and Murtagh fashion, no gushy words are spoken in their final goodbye. Jamie is tearful when he tells him to go and attempts to smile as he tells him to make himself scarce. Murtagh’s response is to gently reach out and touch Jamie reassuringly, thinking first of Jamie’s feelings and needs always. He leaves and Jamie then collapses in grief emitting gut-wrenching sobs. I think having loved and lost is painful, but to gain that love back and have to let it go again is unbearable. Jamie is feeling fear as he never has before and that is saying a lot. He has a lot to lose and will fight to the death to preserve all that he loves.

This episode and Jamie’s tears caused me to reflect on my own life. I thought of how much more easily my husband and I are moved to tears. I believe, like Jamie, our age is a factor. We have a lifetime of painful memories and struggles, things that we have overcome to get where we are now. And, I often find I am now moved to tears by the simplest of things like watching our youngest granddaughters ride a pony or their obvious pride in catching a fish all by themselves, or watching the teens in all of their various sports and activities.or their inexplicable joy in a pair of gifted footed pajamas! Sometimes watching the looks of pride on our own children’s faces as they look upon their children moves me to tears and I will look at my husband and find that he too is tearful. Like Jamie and Claire, understanding, gratitude, and love will wordlessly pass between us and end in a brief kiss and a tremulous smile.

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The Jamie of the Ridge … a reflection on Outlander 5.01 “The Fiery Cross” First, let me say that 5.01 "The Fiery Cross" was a masterful mix of old and new.

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wessonba · 4 years

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My Outlander Stress Dream...Looking forward to Sunday?

My Outlander Stress Dream…Looking forward to Sunday?

Hi! Been an age! I know I have been scarce on Outlander Social Platforms, but in my defense, I’ve been busy. That is mostly because my life has been a train wreck. I’m seriously considering changing my name to Calamity Jane or Blighted Beth. My normal every day for the last two years has included some level of elevated stress. I’ve sort of gotten used to it, so imagine my surprise when my…

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wessonba · 5 years

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I didn’t write a reflection after season’s 4 finale. It is true that I was sick and really couldn’t think clearly enough to write, but if I’m truthful with myself…a part of me really didn’t want to. Then because so much time had gone by and so many had written exhaustively about this season, I really thought I would just pass. But, in the last few days, I’ve had readers asking me where my review is and I guess I owe them at least an explanation. I love this show and it hurts me to have to say negative things. I really am rooting for them. I was holding out hope that my patience this season would be rewarded. It wasn’t. My overall initial feeling after watching the Outlander season 4 finale was one of dissatisfaction. I wasn’t angry just sad. My thoughts wandered to previous finales and I particularly remembered how I felt after season 1. As I watched Jamie and Claire sail away on that ship to France I was tearfully smiling. I can remember thinking that I would miss this couple and overall pleased with the adaptation. I was proud to be a fan. I’m still proud to be a fan, but with a few exceptions, I struggled to write about this season. I would find myself sitting with my thoughts for far too long. I wasn’t inspired. And, I think my writing this season reflects that.

It is telling that my most popular blog posts this season have been when I felt the need to negatively critique an episode. I hate that. I’ve had some time to think and to read other fan’s reactions and I find myself agreeing with bloggers and fans that I usually don’t. I hate that. But, I can’t write this blog if I’m not genuine. My readers trust me to be honest and my conscience would bother me if I was wasn’t. I really love this show and want it to succeed. Let’s be clear, there is still a lot to love about this show. It is beautiful and transportive and I have always believed it was made with obvious love for the story they were telling. It is a remarkable tv experience. What it isn’t …is …the same show.

I’m still not buying into some fans’ intricate conspiracy theories and need to denigrate cast and crew for not giving “fans” what they want. But, something HAS changed. None of us on the outside really know, but there are a lot of theories out there and at least a few make some sense. There were a lot of changes to the TPTB and I have no idea if that resulted in different work relationships and expectations and maybe changes to budgets as well. There were new writers, bad weather, and some really concerning comments from the cast about their characters and the amount of input they would like to have in the writers’ room. I THINK that might be a good idea, but what if their ideas about their characters aren’t what we think they think, lol. I still haven’t forgiven Sam for not letting Jamie “quietly fall to pieces”. Then this week some fans were sent questionnaires. I guess that would indicate that they are trying to listen, but why not just say we hear you? Why send surveys to select fans? What was the criteria? I’ve always felt that the majority of fans are happy with the show, but not as vocal as those who seem to be invested in finding fault. Was this questionnaire sent to a true representative sample of fans?

I’ve been here since the beginning and I don’t think PR has EVER really known who their audience is for this show or how to market it. Can anyone say “the kilt drops”? Are these surveys going to insure that PR and the TPTB will get an accurate picture of what fans want? I think they might offer some insight, but shouldn’t be taken as gospel or as a definitive barometer of fan opinion. Quite frankly, if some fans actually get what they think they want they still wouldn’t be satisfied. I’m afraid it is the nature of the beast that is fandom. As much as fans like to think they know how to adapt Diana Gabaldon’s bible sized tomes, they don’t. Nevertheless, there are some consistent and legitimate concerns played on many of the broken records. Sorting those out from the irritating scratches would not be an envivable job. This questionnaire thing feels like a mistake, one that is undermining the creators. If I was them I’d be looking for another job. And, some folks NEED to stay.

I believe something happened this season that impacted what we saw on our screens. The show has taken a turn and is on a path that is far from the show I love to love. It is a feeling, a change in attitude, and focus. In my humble opinion, Outlander shines when it focuses on relationships. And, that held true for this season as well. Blood of my Blood and The Birds and the Bees were two of this season’s most well received episodes for that very reason. I agree with fans who say that to in order to care about what happens to the characters we have to care about the characters. As wonderful as the Cherokee village and Roger’s rescue were it was far less important than bridging differences and mending relationships in this story. For example, just because you can write an episode of someone trekking wordlessly through a jungle doesn’t mean you should.

Character development just wasn’t up to par this season. The Claire of the Ridge has always been my favorite Claire and after watching this season, I’ll have to reread Drums to remember why. She seemed a faded version of the woman who finally becomes who she was meant to be. She wasn’t the only character that was less than they should have been. Watching Fergus and Marsali I wondered why in the few minutes they were on screen their relationship was so much more dynamic and their persona so much clearer than Bree and Roger. These two are so important to the rest of the story and they just don’t seem to be as clearly developed and/or portrayed in a way to make us care about them as major players. I’ve written before about some choices that I felt were a few “fatal” mistakes that have reverberated throughout the seasons: Loghaire at the witch trial and not allowing Claire to fight Jamie’s demons. I read the explanations, but in truth Roger isn’t the beloved character he should be. I’m hoping Roger’s leaving Bree and not choosing to come directly to River Run will not be one of those fatal mistakes that reverberate throughout the rest of the seasons. I think they dealt with those two previous mistakes as best they could and I’m hopeful that Roger and his relationship with Bree will be righted too.

I’m completely aware that I am just one more fan voice and one more opinion in the ocean that has been written about this season. It feels ironic to find myself saying, I’m criticizing, but I truly just want the show to be better, having criticized that type of critique previously, but I truly just want the show to do better. It isn’t too late to fix what was wrong this season. I just want to write about a show that inspires me, I want the Outlander I wrote this about:

CHARACTER COUNTS … A REFLECTION ON

OUTLANDER EPISODE 1. 11

I was perusing Twitter on Saturday before watching Outlander episode 11 the Devil’s Mark when I came across a tweet from someone who had already watched the episode. Aside from being a little pissed that I hadn’t gotten to watch yet, I found the statement intriguing. The author said,

Because the tweet intrigued me, I re-tweeted it. I felt my excitement to watch the episode heighten. Had they really done it? Had they really shown Claire in all her wonderful nerve-wracken-ly principled glory? I sure hoped so.

The episode was exciting and full of all kinds of wonderful, but per usual there was a theme that stood out for me. Character. In a real-world and TV world full of characters with ambiguous moral character, Outlander has the potential to be something different. Saturday night, I saw some of that potential realized. Our main characters had moral and ethical dilemmas that they solved in ways that have sadly become a-typical. They made selfless decisions. They did the right thing despite knowing the price they would pay would be dear.

I enjoy watching Game of Thrones, a show Outlander has been compared to. In my opinion, this comparison by journalists is weak at best and most often used by writers too lazy to look any deeper. There seems to be a tendency among these types to latch on to what is the most “pop culture” popular thing to repeat. I have nothing against R.R. Martin or the show based on his works. They are what they are, but what they are is a far cry from what Outlander is or tries to be.

Last years’ GOT season was full of characters acting out of warped emotions, values and needs. I don’t expect anything different this year. Lots of titillating stuff to discuss around the water cooler, but I must admit the most shocking thing about this show is how hard it is to find a redeeming character. I wish I could say this trend toward pushing the moral and ethical envelope was the exception rather than the rule on TV, but I can’t. It is all too common.

My reaction to the GOT characters and their actions is very different from what I feel when I watch Outlander. Folks on social media said they used a box of tissues watching this episode. This is very understandable, there is some tear-jerking stuff! I cried some tears myself, but I came to examine my feelings a bit closer and realized there was something deeper going on here. When I watched Claire and Jamie and Ned and even Gellis make their choices, I felt a real connection. My eyes filled with tears for the human compassion I was witnessing. Our characters made unselfish choices. They made me feel proud to be human.

My Twitter author Lady Jane commented that Claire was principled to a fault. I think I understand what she means, if she meant that Claire puts herself in danger by stubbornly remaining a person who cares about others ..then yes…I agree, she does. It’s the “to a fault” part that I find myself still thinking about today. The kind of choices Claire has to make come with risk to herself and others, to say the least. But…I resist the idea that her ethical and moral center is somehow flawed because she chose to be unselfish. I’m pretty sure Lady Jane agrees with me because she loves Claire for it. These are the character traits of the everyday hero who saves a child from drowning, pulls people from a burning car or donates an organ to a stranger. These are the kind of people we should be admiring and celebrating.

Claire would not give false witness, even against a woman who admitted to killing her husband and even if it would save her own life. I cried bittersweet tears for Claire. Under extreme distress and pressure, betrayed by those who should have represented innocence and mercy (Leery and Father Bain) , surrounded by a sea of faces that desired to see her burn, she stayed true to herself.

Sad, but wonderful too.

She is saved at the last-minute by the zealot murderess Gellis who sets aside her own desires to help another. I cried for Gellis’ courage, for her self-sacrifice and for her wasted life. She will not be the last person to give over her thinking and decision-making to a cause nor the last to step over a moral and ethical line for that cause. Once again, it’s all too common.

The evening’s monumental plot twists weren’t over and neither was Claire’s decision-making. In fact, a much harder decision awaits her upon her escape from Cranes Muir in the arms of her 18th century husband Jamie. I’m thankful that the decisions were made back to back. It helped the viewer understand who Claire is and that is a person who will do the right thing despite the pressure to do otherwise. It makes her decision at the stones that much more poignant and meaningful. She did not take the decision to leave or stay lightly. In fact, given her moral center the agonizing choice would have left her shattered. She is married to Frank and finally has an opportunity to return to him and yet,….Jamie.

The other person in this triangle made a few difficult choices of his own. First, he decides to suspend his disbelief for her sake. If I had any disappointment in this episode it was the fact that they chose to let the audience believe that Jamie never doubted her story. He was human, of course he did and maybe part of the reason he took her to the stones was to shatter Claire’s delusions. In the book, when he grabs her back from the rock it’s because she starts to go right before his eyes. I wish they would have kept that part. Despite his extraordinary emotional intelligence this would have seemed the more reasonable reaction to me.

And… then, the audience learns that Jamie has chosen to let Claire go. What this choice reveals about him is nothing short of staggering. This is a man of integrity. Everything he feels tells him to beg her to stay, but he chooses to let her go…why?

He now knows the truth and it cannot be ignored. There is a man…a husband … with a prior claim. Claire is the wife of another man and as a man who honors the vows spoken between two people, he must acknowledge Frank’s claim on Claire. She isn’t his wife because she is still wed to another. He must acknowledge that Claire doesn’t belong here. Her being here and with him is an unfortunate accident. She had no choice. She did what she needed to do to survive. And, after the witch trial, he knows she is a women out of her time and it will place her in danger again. She will be safer if she goes. He knows she has tried to get back to her husband and life over and over again. He will not add himself and his need of her to the equation. He loves her, so he will let her go.

I know I cried at every agonizing staggering step he took down that hill; my heart was breaking with his.

It’s a wonderful story full of redeeming characters who don’t always have to be right or have their own way. My husband is a big fan of old TV Westerns and I think I know why. Even though I complain about their predictability the plots usually center around someone making a moral choice and often those character’s choose the self-sacrificing or ethical/moral high road. The characters learn lessons about doing the right thing for your fellow-man and having honor …like the characters in Outlander.

Somewhere, in TV and maybe our real-life culture, the idea of self-sacrifice as being a noble action has fallen away to the need for self-fulfillment at any cost. Maybe it is because people don’t believe there is anything more to life. If that is so then I guess fulfilling your own desires at whatever the cost to others would make sense. But, “I have to inform you, I am no of that opinion myself”. I’m happy there is a production on TV that isn’t afraid to tell a story of people who wrestle with choices and choose kindness, honor, truth and self-sacrifice.

Looking for the show I loved…a reflection on Outlander season 4 I didn't write a reflection after season's 4 finale. It is true that I was sick and really couldn't think clearly enough to write, but if I'm truthful with myself...a part of me really didn't want to.

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wessonba · 5 years

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Roger and I are INFP, Bree is Brave, and We All Have Choices Before Us... A Reflection on Outlander 4.12 "Providence"

Roger and I are INFP, Bree is Brave, and We All Have Choices Before Us… A Reflection on Outlander 4.12 “Providence”

As I watched Roger Mckenzie escape the “idiot” hut it became immediately obvious what was going to happen. His body language, his desperate, but hollow attempts to put himself first…Oh Lord, I said out loud ….he’s just like me…he’s going back.

Roger and I are INFPs

If your are unaware of what INFP stands for simply put, it is one of 16 personality types as defined by Myers-Briggs research.…

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wessonba · 5 years

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The very heart of love ...a reflection on Outlander 4.11 "If Not For Hope"

The very heart of love …a reflection on Outlander 4.11 “If Not For Hope”

While I watched Jamie search for Roger, I couldn’t help but think of his life after Culloden. After that battle, he was an automaton in survival mode. The stones had taken his future. Even death had robbed him on the battlefield. Instead of dying, he was forced to live out his idea of hell, a life without Claire, without his unborn child, to be alive without his heart, without …hope. His…

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wessonba · 5 years

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That time I wished they did things differently...A reflection on 4.10 Outlander "The Deep Heart's Core"

That time I wished they did things differently…A reflection on 4.10 Outlander “The Deep Heart’s Core”

Sometimes when I watch an episode of Outlander I experience what I’ve grown to call “booklash”. It is that feeling I get when they put book scenes and dialogue in the episode, but it is either changed or moved around and I feel like my head is snapping back and forth trying to make sense of it all. It is usually a temporary ailment that goes away once I’ve watched a second time and I’m able to…

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wessonba · 5 years

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I signed up for a Diana Gabaldon talk and book signing in Fairfax, Virginia well before Outlander Starz was a thing. It was a sold out event and the one and only time I ever stood in line to meet someone famous. Worried about my navigating (and rightfully so) D.C. traffic, my husband drove me five and a half hours for an event he didn’t have a ticket for. Unbeknownst to him, I had put him on the waiting list and he got in!!!! He was thrilled (hard eye roll here)!!!! As it was our first time at such an event, we didn’t know what to expect and were a little shocked to see a line into the auditorium that wrapped itself through and around a very large campus building. I was walking with a cane at the time and crestfallen, I knew I would not be able to stand in line. My big burly manly man of a husband breached the crowds of plaid clad women to secure us a place while I sat feeling guilty in a chair. It remains one of the nicest things he has ever done for me. Listening to Diana speak and meeting her in person was a surreal ordeal, but well worth everything we went through. As great as it was to meet her and despite my love for the actors on the show, I can’t see myself waiting outside or inside a venue for the hours it seems to take to meet them. However, …I swear I would for Matt B. Roberts, LOL!

What can I say? I’m a fan of writing and Outlander and he is my favorite Outlander script writer. I feel like I “get” him and the way he thinks. Well. at least about Outlander. No, …I really DO get how he thinks BECAUSE of Outlander. I have learned that not everything a writer wants to be said or happen on a show comes to fruition. There are a lot of voices and logistics influencing the final product. However, it is obvious to me what are Matt’s focuses and influences when I see an episode he has written. In my humble opinion, he truly understands why this story and its characters are special. He sees through to the heart of what is happening. He gets what the story is saying about people, life, love, and family. That he is able to translate that visually continues to be a wonder to me. Case in point? Outlander episode 4.9 “The Birds and the Bees”.

I recently republished a blog post in honor of the 4.9 episode. I wrote about how I have grown to appreciate Diana’s imaginings of the first meeting of Jamie and his adult daughter. In that article, I point out how the expectations of that moment would have to have been unrealistic. The import placed on this meeting cannot be understated for either the characters or the fandom. I remember the first time I read it, I was a bit disappointed. I think I was expecting some equivalent of colonial fireworks. Diana didn’t give me or Brianna what we expected instead she gave us what we …needed. I found myself measuring this episode against that standard. Did Matt B. Roberts and writing partner Toni Graphia give us what we expected or what we needed?

We Needed to See Their Faces

I’m starting to appreciate how important it is for actors to emote. Not everything can be communicated in dialogue nor should it be in a visual medium. We sometimes need to see what a character is feeling and I felt their were some really important feelings revealed in this episode. Lizzie, Ian, Murtagh, Roger and all three Frasers told us volumes with a mere expression.

I found myself really looking at Roger’s face in this scene. At first he seems just irritated that he still has to deal with Bonnet. He doesn’t have time to deal with this piece of shit. He needs to find Brianna. When the reality of what the Captain is saying, he will be sailing to Philadelphia, starts to sink in you can see the resignation. I’m not sure why, but I felt like Roger’s expression was slightly sardonic. Of course he isn’t done with Bonnet, of course he is about to get pulled away from Brianna before he can tell her he hasn’t left. This is no idle threat. He is well and truly screwed. However, he cannot show too much emotion. You don’t want to give this monster any clues as to how you are feeling and give him any ammunition. How ironic that the one person he is desperate to protect from Bonnet is already his victim. His “especially when it comes to women” line made me cringe. I think uttering “poor Roger” under my breath is about to become a regular thing.

Brianna. Within the span of a few minutes we see her face reveal what has to be the entire span of human emotion. I felt emotionally exhausted just watching her swing from grief to hope and back again.

I’m not sure I need to comment. These faces speak for themselves.

We Needed to Know Roger Didn’t Leave

There were some pretty big departures from the book in the last few episodes and I have learned (not easily mind you) to be patient. Episodic TV can try that patience when you have to wait a whole week to get answers and everyone in the fandom is speculating and spouting disappointment. There are some things I still need to know about Roger and his storyline, but the biggest thing I needed to know was if he actually left. I needed to know he didn’t. I needed to know that it was just an argument fueled by some really piss poor communication, but that it was just an argument and not an abandonment. Nothing more happened than what has happened in my own and many other’s relationships. People got angry and said stuff they really didn’t mean out of hurt and stubborn pride. I needed to see when Roger did leave it wasn’t his choice. I knew when he left with Bonnet, he was coming back.

We Needed This Scene, This Exact Scene

Jamie meets the child he sacrificed all for. The child he never thought to see. Like all important moments like this, reality is never quite as we expected. Nothing is ever as good or as bad as we might think. Brianna only knows what she has been told about her “father” Jamie. He had to seem the stuff of legend and fairy tales to her. Her first view of her father was of him relieving himself. That very human reality took him very quickly from fairytale hero to just a man. It was what exactly what she needed. Her expectations needed this adjustment. I was thrilled to see they kept this part of the book! Well, maybe not actually thrilled, maybe a bit uncomfortable, but you get the point. She rounded that corner looking for someone bigger than life and found a man, a man whose arms were safe place to rest.

In my blog, I point out that Brianna learned more about her father in the few minutes he didn’t know who she was than in all the stories she could have been told about him. We know fans can often loudly complain about any changes from the book. There were changes to this scene, but none that greatly affected its impact. Brianna learns that her father is loyal, firm, but kind and most importantly that he loves her. It was so very close to how Diana imagined it. Creating that visual representation of her imaginings was definitely made easier by actors who seem to inhabit their characters. Sam Heughan was absolutely amazing. Sophie Skelton played Bree’s excitement and trepidation to perfection. When she fell into Jamie’s arms all felt right with the world.

We Needed Our Mothers

I still struggle with Claire’s decision to leave her daughter in the future. I appreciate that the show allowed Claire to show us she still struggled with that decision. Although she seemed shocked and overjoyed to see Bree, I had the sense that she was also dismayed. The past is a dangerous place for a woman and I was struck by all that happened because Bree needed her mother. I would find it difficult to reconcile all that loss and wondered at how it would affect Claire’s relationship with Jamie. Bree is obviously struggling and Claire can see it, but she also knows that Bree is a woman now and as such can no longer be compelled as a child to tell her what is going on. However, Brianna needs her mother maybe more than she ever has. She needs her mother to draw her out and comfort her. We needed to see that happen.

We Needed To Feel Our Way

I love that this show takes its time with people. The tender and tentative dance between Bree and Jamie was needed. They are virtual strangers. Strangers who want and hope and long and need to find a way to a come together and build a relationship. We needed to see them tiptoe around Frank. We needed to hear Jamie’s gratitude towards Frank and Bree’s guilty feelings about wanting to be with Jamie. We needed to see Jamie’s avid attentiveness to Bree’s every move and his constant furtive glances and smiles. We needed childhood stories, working together on the ridge, and time around the table family.

We Needed to See That Bree Understood

While it was obvious that Jamie was studying Bree. It wasn’t quite as obvious that she was studying him and maybe more importantly, she was studying Jamie with Claire. Bree telling Claire about Franks’s knowing she came back to Jamie was unexpected. The sadness with which this news was received gave me lump in my throat. I felt for all of well-intentioned choices and unintentional pain in Claire’s marriage to Frank. I’m not sure what Claire was supposed to do with that knowledge except feel guilt and regret, but Bree’s acknowledging she understood why Claire had to return was also unexpected and a…gift.

We Needed to Share Our Feelings

The quiet conversations between Jamie and Claire were everything. I get another lump in my throat just thinking about them. Jamie sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing his aching hand, a reminder to us that he too suffered what he does not yet know Brianna suffered. It reminds us that he has known so much pain and loss in his life and Brianna’s return is an unforseen and never dreamed of reality that he doesn’t want to end. He is human after all and a father wants his child to stay. Jamie’s openness and vulnerability with Claire is one of the main reasons this couple holds a special place in my heart. He is able to share his fears and regrets and his joys with her and know she does not judge him. In her arms, he safe to be himself without fear. In return, we know that he constantly thinks of her and a large part of his joy in Brianna’s return is because he knows Claire misses her so much. His joy in Claire’s return to him has to be constantly colored by her leaving Bree. This child was the impetus for all the sacrifice and the 20 years of loneliness. Their constant touching and silent looks communicate their gratitude for all they have. But, I also feel each touch acknowledges the weight of all they have lost. They have Bree now, but they lost 20 years together with her.

We Needed Something to be Simple

In the end, Bree’s pregnancy, Claire’s promise, Lizzie’s mistaken assumptions, Jamie’s parental protective instincts, will result in complications that will change everything for everyone and I can’t say I’m looking forward to witnessing what happens. And so, I’m grateful that Matt and Toni gave us something else we needed. The gave us something simple. They gave us birds, and bees and a name Jamie has longed to hear …Da.

A sweetness that cuts…a reflection on Outlander episode 4.9 “Birds and the Bees I signed up for a Diana Gabaldon talk and book signing in Fairfax, Virginia well before…

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