whatsmineisyoursnow

[whatsmineisyoursnow]

whatsmineisyoursnow 3

I actually can't remember if I missed a day. Oh well. I really like her. Like, really. She's so cute, fun, relatable, and lewd. She's everything I want to be but better. I want to be her friend. I hesitate to say love because that could just be the lonliness talking, but I really actually like her.

Either way, today was decent. No work, played swrp and didn't get angry luckily enough. Saw her join a muted VC to join a different VC so I joined it to. But she didn't message me after I messaged her a few times earlier in the day. I even asked her to play games. I think she might only like me for the lewd stuff or not actually like me at all. I really want to be around her but I'm scared my presence annoys her. I'll join a VC if it's an open one, I'll try not to steer it in a lewd direction next time, I genuinely want to be her friend.

She messaged me back when I said goodnight, it warmed me inside a little to see her message, even if it was to only say goodnight. I hope she is just less talkative and not actually disliking me.

[whatsmineisyoursnow]

whatsmineisyoursnow 2

Experimenting with writing in the moment

Woke up randomly in the morning between 7 and 9 with a very grumbly belly. Not sure why it was grumbling, went to the toilet and it was a normal shit.

Arrived early at work and managed to resist the temptation to buy food, only got a pepsi instead. I wasn't hungry, I never am, I just like the feeling of food inside me and that's made me fat.

Work was good, quieter than usual. Of course I don't enjoy work, but that was a better saturday than most. Found an excuse to be busy the last hour and a half by draining and refilling the milkshake machine because my supervisor really wanted to sell chunky milkshake.

Got home, played swrp. Got angry during an event so I just decided to hop off afterwards, not make them deal with my annoying ass.

Spent the rest of the evening playing pony town. I don't love pony town it's just something to do while idly doomscrolling through youtube and games.

I scroll through my games desperately hoping anyone at all likes me enough to message me and say "hey wanna play?" or "hey wanna join my discord server?" But no one does. I'm not interesting enough, I'm often annoying, I'm not skilled at anything, I'm not funny, I'm just stupid and there sometimes.

Or alternatively, I just hope the police finally fucking finish looking through my PC. I don't care what caveats it comes with. I know I did terrible things. I will do anything to get my old life back. It's been torture like this. I just want my PC back I need my life back.

[whatsmineisyoursnow]

whatsmineisyoursnow 1

For context. This is a public diary of mine. I need somewhere to shout these things, having a little book in my room makes me feel like no one's ever going to notice. At least here, random people I don't care about will maybe notice if I'm lucky. There are lots of things I'm still figuring out, you'll have to bare with me. I'll detail my thoughts if I remember what I thought. Problems I'm scared that I have (not diagnosed nor do I have proof of them): Memory problems Laziness Depression Loneliness Gender confusion

Problems that I do have (Diagnosed or confirmed by other means): Autism Stupidity

Problems that I don't think I have: ADHD I'll describe problems when I get to them, you may not ever have a clear image of me, but that's not for lack of trying.

I may be trans, I treat myself as a girl online although I'm not sure if that's right. I feel like I'm only trans for attention, since without it I'd just be an annoying unfunny guy with an obnoxious voice. With being trans I can be both sexual and loved for being me, when I treat myself as a guy I get overlooked or ignored because I'm stupid. At least when I'm a girl people don't care about those things. I don't hate being called a guy, yet I can't tell how I feel when I'm called a girl as it's infrequent and often accidental. I'm fat and ugly anyway, I don't deserve to be called a girl because I barely deserve it.

Day 1 I played games all of today, ate more food than I should have, didn't excercise. Met a cute girl online, was lewd with her in a VC while playing swrp. Ignored my irl friends for it, made up an excuse for us playing games together as just "something came up" I regret not seeing them but I know that if I did see them I would've never met the cute girl and gotten close to her. She was so cute and fun to be lewd with. It wasn't creepy, I know that for a fact, we both liked it. She's just the better version of me. Stayed up late again, not because I was doing anything specific. I just did. I can't tell if it was intentional or not. I have to wake up for 10:30 to get to work on time and it's already 3am. I drank caffiene without thinking about it. I shaved half my right leg in the shower before giving up after the blade went dull. It wasn't a cheap set too, my hair is just that bad. I did it with shaving cream and everything. I also couldn't reach that far under my leg. Not cause I'm fat, I mean I am fat, but because it was an awkward angle in the shower. I hate hair, it's itchy, it's ugly, it's gross. It won't stop growing. I wanted to wax it myself ages ago but I don't want to do it with my family in the house. I don't know why I don't want to, my family are supportive and nice and won't intrude, yet I still don't want to. I feel like it's because I'm lazy and I don't want to put in the work to do it because I never even started to try before giving up. I wanted to look up how much it would cost to get it done at a guy friendly establishment but I forgot. Most waxing places don't like taking guys, I think I know why but I don't know for sure. I don't know how I forgot to, I've been at my PC ever since I had the shower yet I kept getting distracted by youtube videos that I don't even care about. I looked it up after writing this and the prices vary wildly from place to place. I can't tell if these places also do legs, ass, or genitals too as the websites only say chest and back. Why is this so hard, I just want this hair off of me.