whatwillwedo

[whatwillwedo]

When i was active in the aa community for like a year, made mutuals with some cool people, then they started dropping like flies one I stopped caring about aa and drawing art. They didn't even care for me as a person. And it was mutual, but it still stung. What is WRONG with me.

Seething at not having a platform or being adored by strangers in any capacity. I hated having over 300 followers because it made me feel like I had to perform, like I had to do/make something. But now that I've remade and stagnated I feel miserably jealous even though I create nothing. I contribute to nothing. I just want people, the people that dont count, to like me

[whatwillwedo]

Seething at not having a platform or being adored by strangers in any capacity. I hated having over 300 followers because it made me feel like I had to perform, like I had to do/make something. But now that I've remade and stagnated I feel miserably jealous even though I create nothing. I contribute to nothing. I just want people, the people that dont count, to like me

[whatwillwedo]

Perhaps i am emotionally unregulated because part of me hopes/imagines someone will find this blog. Anyone. Maybe piece together who i am. Maybe my girlfriend finds out. I'd be forced to confront my ugly emotions and thoughts. But I wouldn't actually know how to take it if that happened because im a weak bitch who throws up from stress.

[whatwillwedo]

I'm so attention/clout/validation hungry its fucking embarrassing

I dont do anything worth gathering attention but want it anyways. Please can people like me. Please.

[whatwillwedo]

I am so tired. I will not think of the house or them tomorrow. Neither matter. They are in the past.

[whatwillwedo]

I hate that they don't miss me. I don't miss them. I want them to be torn up about how badly they fucked up years later. I think about them less and less every day. I wish we had never dated. We might have been decent friends. Fuck them. Fuck you.

I looked up my childhood house just to reopen a wound. I really don't know how to let things go. I imagine burning the place down. No ones home. I will never be able to afford a house like that. Why should these people get to have it? It should be mine. My life would be better if I still lived in that fucking house.

I looked at [REDACTED]'s profile because I unblocked without realizing. I scrolled for a minute and it made me feel sick. I was hoping they would've gotten dumped but now but I guess their [REDACTED] is into little freaks. Why do they get to be happy? Happily touching and probably fucking the object of their obsession? Fuck you.

[whatwillwedo]

I looked up my childhood house just to reopen a wound. I really don't know how to let things go. I imagine burning the place down. No ones home. I will never be able to afford a house like that. Why should these people get to have it? It should be mine. My life would be better if I still lived in that fucking house.

I looked at [REDACTED]'s profile because I unblocked without realizing. I scrolled for a minute and it made me feel sick. I was hoping they would've gotten dumped but now but I guess their [REDACTED] is into little freaks. Why do they get to be happy? Happily touching and probably fucking the object of their obsession? Fuck you.

[whatwillwedo]

im actually a very average and unremarkable person with nothing that complex going on but capable of being a total cunt and i hate myself for it. i literally wish i wasnt allowed to have cruel thoughts. someone rewire my brain.

[whatwillwedo]

I will proceed to do nothing about this btw i will still keep to myself and never reach out to anyone because i am terrible and feel myself lose interest in what other people are talking about if i dont particularly care about it. Don't do that to me though, because it hurts my feelings.

feel like scratching and clawing for some kind of attention from anybody please someone care about what i have to say

#i have no idea what to do about this terrible aspect of myself. have i mentioned im not going to therapy anymore. ive ghosted my therapist

[whatwillwedo]

feel like scratching and clawing for some kind of attention from anybody please someone care about what i have to say

#im feeling that feeling again where just my girlfriend and sister isnt enough. i need friends. #i need someone who's not obligated to like me and stick around and give a shit and share interests #i havent had a strictly platonic close friend in so so long #last time i got the attention i felt like i needed i blew it up and well so did they #but it was a mutually enabled blow up #even if i still fucking hate them a little it was on the both of us #anyways dont i sound so pleasant and equipped for friendship? kill me

[whatwillwedo]

really really want to drop out of uni and do nothing to earn a tolerable decent paying office job i dont deserve. fucking hate doing homework i hate the effort asked of me i hate the reading and the writing and even the bare minimum is too much. i do not care.

#only reason im getting my bachelors is because a hs diploma isnt enough and i know it. wish i were normal #and brave enough to just get an art degree like i actually wanted to but i dont even want to drive to uni because i feel like ill die #if i drive for too long. fuck this stupid fucking huge city i was born in its so car dependent

[whatwillwedo]

People who are loud and open about being freaks on this website are never into anything at least slightly respectable. Why did i just see someone smug about being a weirdo and the first thing i see on their account is fucking trolls 3 incest

#absolute fucking losers man

[whatwillwedo]

I want to be perfect i want to be clean i want to be free of all faults and flaws and never hurt anyone ever

[whatwillwedo]

Do they count as delusions of grandeur if i can immediately tell what they are when you're thinking about them

#the answer is no but it doesnt stop me from getting upset that i think stupid shit at all

[whatwillwedo]

Can people in the dn fandom just be fucking normal or at least a little less disgusting? No? Yeah didnt think so

#like find i can handle your weird depraved kinks #blah blah embrace the horrors i have a little more nuance about written/drawn stuff now. #tell me there where is the nuance in aging up teen characters in a hs anime and making a fucking #lingerie zine about them. weird weird uncritical weirdos who would literally not see my point of view ever #why do i ever bother caring anymore

[whatwillwedo]

Desperately need to be fucked raw by my girlfriend oh the agony

#need to put these somewhere or i will die. i am not filling my diary with single horny sentences.