whiskeywinter89 - Tumblr blog

whiskeywinter89 · 3 months

Text

Pining

Leonard McCoy x Reader

Summary: Leonard has it bad for you and doesn't know what to do about it. All he knows is that this little crush is getting out of hand.

Character(s): Leonard "Bones" McCoy, James "Jim" Kirk, Spock, Nyota Uhura, Pavel Chekov,

Warning(s): Wounds, Cursing, Slight Angst (Don't worry, there's fluff at the end)

"Bones.... Bones.... Bones?...............Bones!"

Leonard snapped back to reality and returned his focus to the conversation he was having...well...supposed to be having.

"Seriously Bones, what's with you lately?" Jim raised an eyebrow.

"What are you going on about?" Bones scoffed.

"I've been trying to discuss this report with you and you're not even remotely paying attention to me."

"I'm paying attention!"

"Really? Cause it looked like you were staring at Lieutenant-Commander Y/L/N." Kirk crossed his arms.

"No I was not," Leonard frowned.

"Were too!"

"Was not!"

"Were t-" Jim was cut off by Uhura turning around in her seat.

"Boys, seriously. You bicker like an old married couple. Some of us actually have work to do." She scolded.

Leonard sighed and shook his head. "Look Jim, I was just spacing out. That's. All."

"Yeah, spacing out while your eyes are burning holes into Y/N's back. Sounds an awful lot like staring." Jim laughed

Leonard's eyes darted over to you as you patted Chekov on the back, said goodbye to him and Sulu, and made your way out of the bridge. When he turned back, he found three pairs of eyes watching him with amusement.

"Oh what now?" Leonard put his hand on his hips. "Seriously, do you all have nothing better to do with your time than speculate on where my attention's at?"

"There is no need to speculate doctor, you have your sights set on Lieutenant-Commander Y/L/N. It is perfectly natural, there is no need for you to feel ashamed," Spock said.

"I'm NOT ashamed! I'm a doctor, not some giddy little schoolboy with a crush," Leonard defended.

"Hey, no one ever said anything about a crush. We just said you have a staring problem," Jim laughed.

Leonard sputtered for some sort of comeback. Some way to deny any validity to the things they were saying. But the truth is that they caught him in a lie. He was staring. Bones had been watching as you talked animatedly to Chekov about an experiment you were doing in the botany labs. Leonard imagined it was him you were talking to, him you were laughing with. Just the thought of it made his stomach churn in a mixture of delight and grief.

"Aaaaand now we've lost him," Jim snickered, interrupting his thoughts again.

"Really doctor, it's not that big of a deal. We've all been in your predicament before...well... maybe not all of us." Uhura glanced at Kirk playfully, who shrugged in response. "Y/L/N is a great scientist, and an even greater friend-"

"Yes yes and very beautiful, with eyes like stars!" Chekov added, "Y/N has many admirers, you are not the only one."

"Chekov?" Bones asked

"Yes sir?"

"Stop talking."

"Yes sir." Chekov turned back to his screen.

"Look, Bones you don't have to admit it just yet. You have that whole brooding cowboy doctor thing going on, I get it! Just don't let it get in the way of your happiness," Jim reasoned.

"You are all delusional! Now are you all going to continue turning me into a spectacle, or can we get back to this mission report?" Leonard demanded.

"Whatever the doctor orders. Try to listen this time will ya?" Kirk teased.

~~~

Leonard was noticing it more and more. How his eyes searched for you every dinner, every meeting, in the hallways, even in the medbay. And once his eyes found you, they rarely strayed too far.

When you weren't around him, his thoughts always drifted back to you. How nice your hair looked, how fascinating your last report was, how enchanting your voice is, ...how soft your lips look. It was all getting out of hand. He was regularly staying later to finish paperwork because he was too lost in his own head.

Leonard was having one of those moments where his mind was far away, musing about you. He was so spaced out, he nearly didn't notice the tap on his shoulder.

When he turned around and saw you standing there smiling shyly at him, his heart nearly went up into his throat.

"Lieutenant-Commander, what can I do for you?" Leonard asked, finding a smile of his own.

"Can you take a look at my hand please?" You asked, holding one of your hands closed. Leonard noticed some red peeking from between your fingers.

"Oh boy, what did you do this time?" Bones asked as he led you to sit on one of the biobeds.

"You know those plants I picked up from Lainatha?" You asked

"The ones with the purple flowers that smell like a dead body?" He asked as he grabbed his kit.

"Mhm!"

"What about em?"

"They have VERY sharp leaves," You laughed.

Leonard shook his head and groaned, "Let me take a look."

You winced as you slowly opened your hand, revealing a cut that spanned the length of your palm.

Leonard lightly cradled the back of your hand as he inspected the minor wound. "Damn darlin' those leaves must be mighty sharp to nick you this deep." He murmured. "this plant ain't poisonous, right?"

"Not that I've found, doctor." You laughed. His ears welcomed the sound. He felt his cheeks warm as he admired you. When you laughed or smiled, it was contagious. Even to him.

"Leonard?" You asked gently, breaking from his daze once more.

"Sorry, just thinking that um... We're gonna want to keep an eye on this, just in case you have some unexpected reaction," He returned his focus to your hand. "I'm gonna clean this up, put some bandages on it and give you something to speed up the healing process," Bones explained.

He went straight to work on your palm, handling it as carefully as possible. Luckily it didn't need stitches. He bandaged it nice and tight before giving you a couple hypos to prevent pain and infection.

"I expect to see you here at least once a day, so I can see the progress and monitor for allergies or poison," Leonard instructed.

"Do you always worry this much?" You giggled.

"Only about my favorite patients," he said without thinking. Perhaps it was just a figment of his imagination, but he could have swore you were blushing. Impossible! You? Blush at him?

'In my dreams,' Bones thought.

"I promise I'll stop by," You said sweetly.

"You better. If I don't see you in here by the end of my shift tomorrow, I'm coming after you." He teased accusingly.

"I'm counting on it," You...did you just... wink at him? "Thanks for the help Bones, I'll see you tomorrow!" You lightly patted his shoulder with your uninjured hand and hurried back to your lab.

Leonard slumped in his seat and contemplated the mess of feelings he was experiencing. He wasn't sure if he was ready to love someone again. He wasn't even sure if he knew how to love anymore, but he was sure of one thing. You had him wrapped around your finger and you didn't even know it.

~~~

The next day, Leonard strove to keep his mind on work. When his thoughts drifted to you, he would immediately turn his attention to the task at hand. It worked for awhile, but toward the end of his shift he realized he had not seen you all day. You had promised to come in so he could take a look at your cut again, but of course you were nowhere to be seen.

Leonard asked around the medbay, but no one had seen you except for one nurse who claimed you were still in the botany lab. "That's just typical," Bones grumbled, grabbing his kit. "I'm always running around, gathering these officers like a cat chasing chickens."

The moment he stepped into the lab, he couldn't find it in his heart to be mad at you. You were totally engrossed in your work, testing the ph levels in some alien soil.

"How are the tests coming along, Lieutenant-Commander?" Leonard smirked.

You beamed at him, "wonderfully! I'm learning so many new things, it's crazy. I-" Your face fell. "Oh no! Forgot to meet with you! I'm so sorry Leonard," you hurriedly put down your soil container and made your way over to him.

"Yeah yeah you're so sorry, whatever. " He teased. "Get over here so I can see that hand."

The inspection went just fine. Your hand was healing nicely and there was no sign of infection or allergic reaction. He changed the bandages and gave you something for the pain.

"All finished. I still want to observe it, just to make sure it heals nicely... And wear gloves from now on! I don't want to have to keep chasing you around for injuries like this." Leonard quipped.

"Yes sir," you giggled, "I won't forget to come in next time."

"I'll believe it when I see it," he closed his medical bag.

"I mean it! i'm almost done testing all the samples, so I should have ample time for remembering... at least until we visit another unexplored planet." You shrugged playfully.

"Then you'll find some new plant to creatively injure yourself with. Razor sharp leaves... give me a break," Leonard ran his fingers through his hair.

"Oh! that reminds me, I have something to show you. Come on!" You nudged him with your leg and stood up, striding over to the 'plant nursery' as you so lovingly called it. Leonard grinned at your enthusiasm and followed.

"You're sure none of these are poisonous?" He asked

"We don't keep the poisonous ones here, silly."

"But you do have them?"

"What's your obsession with poisonous and allergy educing plants?"

"I wouldn't call it an obsession, a mild concern maybe," Leonard smirked.

"I'm not gonna poison you doctor, I want to show you this!" You proudly presented him with a somewhat unassuming plant. It had a black stem with thorns on it, as well as wide black leaves. On top was a bulb; the kind that usually holds flowers inside. He couldn't for the life of him understand what was so interesting about it, but he was sure he was about to find out if that dazzling smile on your face was any indication.

He loved when you ranted about your work. The joy in your voice was infectious, your ramblings were so passionate, and he always learned something new. He would listen to you talk all day if he could.

"What is it?" he raised an eyebrow at the plant and bit back a smile.

"Don't sound so unimpressed Len, this little guy is one of my favorite plants to date." You crossed your arms. "I found him during our exploration of Conate Ultima-A." Leonard nearly melted when you called the plant a 'little guy.'

"The planet orbiting the red dwarf star?" Leonard clarified.

"Mhm! he's black all over because black absorbs all available wavelengths of light. That's important for a plant feeding off such a dim star like Conate Ultima. He has these big leaves, you see." You lightly touched one of the leaves. "That's also for absorbing light. Not only that, but they've developed thorns to keep herbivores from eating them." You explained.

"Like Earth roses," Leonard smiled at the way your eyes lit up.

"Exactly like Earth roses!" You agreed, "They also have this really unique trait where if you pick the flower, it doesn't wilt. Instead, it sprouts roots at the bottom and you can transplant it!" You beamed "But that isn't even the best part."

"It isn't? Tell me darlin', what could possibly top that?" Bones asked.

"Technically, this is another defense mechanism, but..." You cradled the bulb in your hands. "When you caress the bulb like this," You delicately brushed the sides of the bulb with your thumbs. Slowly, the bulb opened to reveal the brightest yellow flower he had ever seen. It practically glowed against the black leaves. He had to agree with you, this was the best part."

"Wow..." Leonard tried it with another bulb. It slowly opened for him as well.

"I know, awesome right?" You lightly bumped his shoulder with yours.

"What do you call it?" Leonard inquired, pulling his hand away from the plant.

"Well, officially we call it Conate Rosaceae... but I've named this one Leonard." You looked up at him with those gorgeous eyes and he couldn't look away.

"You named it after me?" He asked.

"Yeah, it reminds me of you."

"How so?"

"Well, it's perfectly designed to find light in dark places." You chuckled, "no matter how many times you try to cut it down it just comes back bigger and stronger." You fiddled with your bandages sheepishly. "It has this intimidating exterior that most people try to avoid... but... on the inside, It's the brightest, most breathtaking flower. So bright, it stands out from all the others."

To say Leonard was flattered would be an understatement. He had received compliments before. On his work, his hands, maybe even his hair, but he couldn't recall the last time someone had told him something so meaningful. Bones didn't know what to say; he didn't even know what to do with his hands. This was ridiculous. He was a grown man for crying out loud! But here he was, nervous as a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs.

He needed to say something, anything. A simple thank you didn't feel like enough. Nothing about him felt like enough after Jocelyn.

He swallowed.

You made him feel like enough.

"Y/N..." Leonard stepped closer. You looked up at him with those eyes again. Those eyes he loved to get lost in. Your gaze met his and it was like something clicked inside him. Your eyes flickered down just for a moment, but he caught it. His heart fluttered and his blood rushed to his face. It was now or never.

He leaned in.

You leaned in.

There were mere inches between you.

He could feel your breath on his lips.

"Lieutenant-Commander Y/L/N to the bridge," the intercom startled you both apart.

"Dammit Jim..." Leonard slid a hand over his flushed face and sighed, clearly displeased with his friend's interruption.

"The captain always has the most impeccable timing, doesn't he?" You smiled awkwardly, bouncing on your heels.

"That's one way to put it, yes" Bones frowned at ceiling. There was an awkward pause. He could sense your expectant gaze on him, but he could already feel his walls coming up again. The love would start off sweet, sure, but it wouldn't last. It never did. Leonard cared about you- no, that wasn't right, it was more than that. He couldn't bear it if this didn't work out.

Maybe this is for the best.

"Leonard?..." You said softly.

"It's okay Y/N. You'd better get up there, see what he wants," Leonard offered you a terse smile.

You nodded softly, "yes sir, I'll um.. I'll see you later." He didn't miss the disappointment in your eyes as you left.

He was disappointed too, but Leonard was used to disappointment.

~~~

Two weeks went by and Leonard seemed to be avoiding you. Your cut had healed, but another form of hurt took its place. Had you done something wrong? Pushed him away somehow? It made you sick to think that your almost-kiss had cost you a dear friend. You had tried to speak with him several times, but he always had somewhere else to be. He was busy immunizing security personnel for an upcoming mission. Your silly affair in the plant nursery was probably the last thing on his mind. Still, you felt incredibly lonely. You missed sharing meals with him, stopping in the hallway to chat with him. You missed his anecdotes about Georgia and his snide remarks about Jim's inability to stay out of trouble.

As much as it pained you to think this way, you wished you could take back what you said in the lab. You wished you had just kept it buried, then none of this would have happened. Leonard would have patched you up instead of Christine, and you wouldn't be left in this weird limbo between friends, lovers, and strangers.

"Lieutenant-Commander?" Spock interrupted your lamenting.

"Oh! I'm so sorry Commander, what can I do for you?" You forced a smile.

"I want to discuss your productivity. Can we speak in your office?" Spock asked.

"Of course, right this way." You led him to your office and shut the door behind you. You already had an idea of where this was going. You had been feeling anxious lately and your work was suffering because of it.

"Should we...have a seat?" You asked awkwardly.

"I do not believe that will be necessary, this will only take a moment." Spock pulled out his PADD. "Tell me, are you feeling well?"

You were a bit taken aback by the question. It wasn't often Spock inquired about your state of being. "I um... yeah, I feel fine. Why?" You lied.

"Your colleagues have informed me that you seem... fatigued during your experiments. I have also noticed your report was full of misspellings and grammatical mistakes, which is unusual for you. Additionally, you appeared distracted and dazed when I approached you just moments ago. Normally you greet me by the door." He slightly raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry Spock..." You sighed and sat on the edge of your desk, "I've just been feeling...uneasy I guess."

"Uneasy?" Spock inquired.

"Yeah, my anxiety has been really bothering me lately. I don't mean to worry you." You gave him a half smile.

"Have you spoken with the doctor?" Spock asked. Your stomach sank at the thought.

"I um... no, I haven't."

Spock studied you for a moment, scrutinizing you for any hints as to why you haven't sought medical assistance or counseling when both were readily available.

"I just...don't feel welcome there right now." You met Spock's gaze. A silent conversation passed through you.

"I see." Spock said and looked down at his PADD. "Well, Lieutenant-Commander Y/L/N, I was pleased with your research on the razor-leaf corpse flower. I have kept a watchful eye on your lab access logs and have determined you are due to have two cycles off."

You smiled. For real this time, "thank you Commander Spock. I will use them well"

"I trust that you will. Good day Y/N."

"Good day, Mr. Spock."

~~~

Leonard stared at his PADD in frustration. Everything had irritated him lately, even the blinking of the cursor on the screen. His irritation quickly turned into aggravation when Jim barged in unannounced.

"Bones! My good, good friend Bones!" Kirk shut the door behind him.

"What?" Leonard grunted.

"Yeesh, don't sound too excited to see me." Jim sat in the seat across from his desk.

"I'm busy, what do you want?" Bones refused to look at the captain. Maybe if he just didn't look at him, he would go away.

"Can't I just chat with a pal without wanting something from him?" Jim fiddled with a paperweight on the desk.

"Jim." Bones warned.

"You know doctor, it's very unprofessional to scare away patients, right?"

Defeated, Leonard looked up from his work. "What in god's name are you talking about?"

"Y/n" Jim crossed his arms and stared hard at him. Something about his expression put Leonard on edge.

"What about Y/N?" Bones narrowed his eyes at the captain.

"Spock just got done telling me that Y/N, and I quote, 'doesn't feel welcome here right now.' I wonder why that could be."

Leonard huffed and ran a hand through his hair for the umpteenth time that day. "Dammit..."

"What happened bones?" Jim leaned in.

"Nothing happened." Leonard snapped.

"Clearly something happened for you to be so-"

"Nothing happened... that's the problem," Bones clarified. Leonard didn't realize it was even possible to feel so terrible. He hadn't felt this bad since the divorce, but at least with the divorce he wasn't the only one at fault. Leonard had been childishly avoiding you, and now you didn't feel comfortable in the one place you should always feel safe to go. "I'm a goddamned coward, Jim."

There was a long pause between them. Leonard didn't need to tell him what happened for Jim to understand. "What did I tell you about not letting the brooding cowboy act get in the way of your happiness?" The captain teased.

"Not helping." Leonard rested his face in his hands.

"Right, sorry." Jim shifted awkwardly. Bones was grumpy at the best of times, but he always had this undertone of playfulness. He could scold you about missing an exam or tell you your plan is trash, but it would be wrapped up in southern metaphors and clever insults. This was different, this was real. "You...you really love them, huh?"

Leonard nodded.

"Something happened and... now you aren't sure how to take that next step." Jim said.

"Something like that... I thought I knew what I was doing, but now I'm not so sure. I thought some distance would make it clear to me, but I'm more lost than ever... I've made a terrible mistake Jim, one I don't know how to fix," Leonard peered into his coffee mug to avoid the captain's piercing blue eyes.

"Look Bones, clearly you and Y/N are miserable, so why don't you do the both of you a favor and talk to them. I'm sure Y/N will understand if you just...explain how you've been feeling," Jim attempted to reassure his friend.

"I don't exactly have the best track record on talking about feelings, Jim. I'm a doctor, not a psychiatrist." McCoy frowned.

"First time for everything," Jim reached over and patted Leonard's shoulder. "Go make it right. That's an order."

Leonard took a long drink of his coffee, "can't believe I'm taking dating advice from James T. Kirk"

"Like I said. First time for everything."

~~~

You had spent the entirety of your day off attempting to read, but you really weren't in the mood for much of anything except sleep. Nyota had stopped by earlier and you greatly enjoyed her company, but the sick feeling in the pit of your stomach hadn't gone away.

You just really wanted to talk to Leonard, apologize for misreading the situation. You handled the unrequited love for years and you'd do it for many more as long as you knew you could still be friends.

You heard a buzz at the door and contemplated ignoring it. It was way past normal visiting hours and you were trying to wind down. Perhaps it was something important. You answered the door, expecting Chekov, Nyota, or maybe even Spock. Instead, you were greeted by an extremely exhausted looking Bones.

"Oh, doctor I um, wasn't expecting you." You said, feeling your heart-rate skyrocket.

"Can I come in?" Leonard asked with that rough, gravely voice you had always loved so much.

"Of course," you stepped aside "Come on in..."

Leonard hesitated a moment before stepping inside. Your room was homey, full of furnishings that were so you, it made his insides churn with affection.

"Len, are you okay?" You asked softly from beside the door, afraid to get any closer.

Leonard watched you for a moment, trying to find the words to say, but one look at you and all of his practiced lines had disappeared for good. All he could say was, "I'm sorry darlin'..."

"You're...sorry?" You asked.

"I've been acting like a kid... I'm sorry I haven't been around. We should have talked about this as soon as it happened."

You sighed. You knew this would be coming sooner or later. You were glad he at least wanted to do it in private. "I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have come onto you like that... I scared you off and made things awkward for us both professionally, and as friends-"

"No, no, wait a minute. That's not." Leonard took a deep breath to organize his thoughts. "Y/N, you are so beautiful and smart and dedicated, and funny. You light up every room you walk into."

You swallowed the lump in your throat and wondered if this was a dream. Leonard stepped closer and gave you a hesitant smile. "I'm damaged goods sweetheart. You deserve more than I can give, but it's only been two weeks and I'm a goddamned wreck." Leonard's voice was strained as he poured his heart out to you. "I can deny it all I want, but-" His breath hitched when you placed your hand on his cheek. You could feel the warmth of his skin, the sharp poke of his stubble.

"Leonard, please..." You whispered, eyes pleading with him.

"Please what, darlin'?" He drawled, bringing his hands to your face. He noticed the heat of your blush in his fingertips, he could feel you quiver, eager for him to close the distance.

"Please, just-" His lips were on yours before you could even answer. Your mind was fuzzy. All you could think about was how soft his lips were, how perfectly they fit with yours. His smell was everywhere, it was intoxicating.

He was intoxicating.

He hummed as your fingernails scratched the base of his neck. Leonard pressed you against the wall, desperate for some way to bring you closer. He couldn't remember how to breathe, how to think. All he could do was press his body against yours.

You sighed blissfully against his lips. His hands on your waist were your only anchor to the real world. You clung to him, crumpling his uniform, but you hardly cared. You just wanted him to keep kissing you.

Leonard suddenly remembered to breathe and pulled back, only to press his forehead against yours. Your breathing was shaky and your legs felt weak. You caressed his cheeks once more and placed another soft kiss to his lips, which turned to two, then five.

At last, Leonard pulled you into his chest. He didn't want to let you go just yet. You didn't want to let him go either.

"Darlin'?" He whispered.

"Hm?" You replied, face buried into his neck.

"I love you," Leonard kissed your temple. Your heart leaped in your chest and you held him a little tighter.

"I love you too Len," you whispered softly. Leonard smiled against your cheek and placed another kiss there. "Oh, and just so you know..." You started.

Leonard pulled back to look at you curiously.

"If I ever hear you call yourself damaged goods again, I will kick your ass." You grinned at him.

"Message heard loud and clear Lieutenant-Commander," he chuckled and captured your lips in another searing kiss. Leonard's communicator chimed in his pocket, but he ignored it. There was no code red, the captain could wait. After all, they could have been together by now if it weren't for him. There was a lot of lost time to make up.

91 notes · View notes

whiskeywinter89 · 4 months

Text

Heavy Hearts (Leonard McCoy x Reader)

A/N: I feel really bad for not posting at all so have some Bones angst I wrote ages ago! I posted this on Wattpad and Quotev back in the dark ages but no one read it so now you can have it! Sorry if there’s any mistakes that I missed when proof reading. I wrote this a long time ago and honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a couple grammatical errors I missed. This was originally a song fic. Bonus points if someone can guess what angsty middle school song I based it on.

Warnings: Angst and blood

Your hands shook, one over your medical bag and the other over your phaser. It was cold, dark, and foggy on the Klingon dominated planet, and you were not in friendly territory. You wore the blue uniform of a medical officer, along with Dr. McCoy, Spock and the other male science officer in blue uniform. The landing group consisted of you, Bones, the Captain, Spock, the science officer, Chekov, and Uhura. The mission of said group was to infiltrate a Klingon base and rescue Starfleet hostages. Your breath was shaky, along with your slow movement down the damp soil of the hill you were descending. The entire atmosphere was eerie, and you wanted out, but you wouldn’t back down. As the group moved forward, Bones gave your hand a squeeze, and reassured you that it would be okay. It didn’t help much, but it was better than nothing. The entire trip to the target location was silent, aside from the slow and steady footsteps of your comrades. As the target location came into view you heard a voice in the distance. They said something in Klingon, and Uhura translated. “Check the perimeter, there are signs that someone is here.” Your eyes grew wide, and chills ran down your spine. They knew. It was over. The entire landing party stopped and waited, not daring to make a sound. Jim, Spock, and Bones made eye contact, and came to a silent agreement. Suddenly Bones grabbed you and Chekov by the arm, and Spock took hold of Uhura, while Captain Kirk pulled at the other science officer’s arm. Everyone knew better than to make any vocal noise, no matter how surprised. The three of them roughly guided you down into a small ditch. Mud was coated thick at the bottom, but now was not the time to complain, and camouflage might even be useful. The three of you were hunkered at the bottom, silent except for the shaky, nervous breathing that only made the tension worse. A steady rhythm beat into the dirt above your heads. Footsteps, loud and heavy, were coming your way. You clamped a hand over your mouth. You wanted to vomit. Your vision spun, the brown of the dirt was colliding with the gold, red, and blue of the uniforms, and the grey of the foggy sky tinted everything. Bones leaned over and planted a small kiss on your forehead, somehow managing to stay completely silent. More words in Klingon, but it was too dangerous to be translated aloud. Instead, Uhura made a slitting motion across her neck, mouthing the word: Move. There was no question as to what it meant. If you didn’t move you would die. You all looked to the Captain for an order. He pointed to his phaser, then made a shooting motion towards where the slowly nearing footsteps were coming from. He mouthed the words, and counted on his fingers. Three. Two. One. Now. The silence shattered like glass, as gunfire, well phaserfire, rang out all around. You hit the initial target, but waves of Klingons came pouring out. There were at least ten, heavily armed, and armored Klingons exchanging fire with you. The entire group was firing at the Klingons, but almost to no avail. Only two had even been knocked out, and another one had been hit in the arm. You kept firing, trying to accept the probable death that awaited you. After over ten minutes of open fire, the Klingons were all down, and by some miracle, none of you had died. You climbed out of the trench and opened your medical bag. You and Bones took care of the wounds that the others had sustained, working quickly so that the group could advance. You were treating Chekov’s leg when he pointed out the injury you had on your arm. “(Y/n), your arm is bleeding, are you okay?” Chekov asked, pointing at a spot on your lower left arm that was trickling blood. You hadn’t even noticed, but it hurt once you did. “Christ, (Y/n), you should have said something,” Bones said, finishing up on Spock, and hurrying over to you and taking your arm. At this point Jim would usually taunt or make fun of Bones for being a protective worry-wart, but the situation quickly drained the humor from those involved. As Bones finished and had treated your arm, you continued to tend to Chekov’s leg. Once you were done, everyone got up and began to walk again. The group had only gotten about 10 feet away when a phaserblast was heard. Everything seemed to go in slow motion. The blast rang out, and Bones reacted first, whipping around, and shooting the Klingon that had managed to get up and fire his weapon. But as this happened, you fell forward, propelled by a stinging force in the back. When Bones turned around the look on his face turned from relief to horror. You lay stomach-down on the muddy ground, the mud around you was painted red. It was a few seconds later when the pain finally hit you in waves. Your abdomen burned from the center out, every nerve in you body screaming for it to stop. You tried not to scream, and barely succeeded, only letting out one percussive cry of pain. “Oh God…” Uhura mumbled. Chekov’s hand went flying over his mouth, even Spock looked shocked, and the Captain was petrified. “(Y/N), please no,” Bones cried out, his eyes welling up with hot tears as he raced to your side. “You can’t do this to me,” he choked, his voice was cracking. He knelt down next to you and turned you face-up. “Bones, it hurts, it hurts so much,” you croaked out, barely above a whisper, tears of your own making unwelcome appearances. Neither of you knew what to do or say, and there was a short moment of agonizing silence. “I’m gonna die aren’t I?” “No! No, please don’t say that, you’re gonna come back with us. And-and I’m gonna take you to dinner like I promised. I’ll even let you pick, you just have to make it back.” Bones was on the verge of sobbing, his bloodied hands were pressed over your wound, trying to stop the blood that refused to quit flowing. He clawed through his medical bag every few seconds, as if there was some tool that could magically heal your wound. “I’m so cold. It’s really cold, Bones,” you muttered, your eyes started to feel heavy, but still pushed out more tears. “No, no, no, no,” Bones was breaking down. “Please don’t do this to me, you have to make it back. Damnit, don’t do this!” “You know that’s not happening. Just leave me here. You shouldn’t get killed on my account!” “No! We’re not leaving you, we are going to save you, just hold on,” Bones kept trying, but it was hopeless and he knew it. Every person standing around you was going through their own hell. Jim and Uhura were both weeping, Spock held Uhura in his arms, confused at the hot tears that were rolling down his cheeks, and Chekov held his head in his hands, trying to wake himself up. “C'mon, Bones, you–” you paused to cough weakly. “You know better than that.” Bones said nothing, but continued to sob. He removed his hand from your wound, and held your hand in his, his other one cupped your cheek. He didn’t know what to say. “Hey, Bones,” you asked, cringing from the pain that was slowly spreading out your abdomen. You could feel that you had less than a minute left. “Y-yeah?’ “I love you,” you murmured hoarsely, smiling at him weakly. “I-I love you too, so please don’t go,” he pleaded, now holding your hand to his eyes, crying into it. “S-See you later, Bones,” you whispered, your eyes slowly shut and you exhaled. The last thing you saw clearly was his agonized face, and then it was gold, red, blue, and grey blurs. You were gone. “(Y/N), no, you’re gonna wake up, damnit!” Bones was a mess at this point. His arms were soaked in your blood, and his face in tears. “Bones, we have to go,” Jim said, wiping his eyes, he had to save the tears for later. “We can’t be caught here, and the instructions for the admiral state that if a crew member is lost a mission is aborted.” “Yeah,” Bones agreed hesitantly, tearing himself away from your corpse. The walk back to the rendezvous point was painfully silent, the sounds besides footsteps in the thick mud were whimpers and quiet sobs. When they reached it, the silence was finally broken. “Sulu, beam us up,” Kirk said solemnly into his communicator. As the golden rays of the teleportation system enveloped them, Bones realized that he could have taken your body with him. It was too late now, because the golden, glowing particles dispersed and they were on the pristine, white transporter pads of the Enterprise. Sulu game running in to greet them, along with Scotty. None of the landing party made a move to step off of the transporter pads except for the science officer that you hadn’t known. He stepped off and left, head hung low. They all stared at the ground, shell-shocked and solemn, tears still fresh on their faces. “Captain? W-Where is (Y/N)?” Sulu asked, darker undertones in is voice, already putting the pieces together. “Medical Officer (Y/N) (L/N), aged 26, w-was lost on hostile Klingon territory,” Kirk choked out. “(Y/N) is gone?” Scotty asked softly. Bones had his head in one hand, his other arm was crossed over his chest. Stifled sobs racked his body. “No. Oh God, please no,” Sulu clamped a hand to his mouth. He felt like throwing up. You had been his best friend and now it felt as if you’d vanished.

After what felt like a painful eternity, the crowd in the teleportation room dissipated, and everyone parted ways to face their grief. When Bones got back to his quarters he sat at his desk in silence, anger and sorrow welling up inside him until it all violently exploded. He let out a loud cry, and kicked his desk over. He threw paintings off his walls, letting out screams and yells the whole time. The only objects left untouched were the framed photos of you and him sitting on his bookshelf. He clawed desperately at the items on his desk, ravaging it until it was nothing but shattered glass and scattered paper. He stopped when his vocal chords couldn’t make anymore sound and there was nothing left to throw or kick. He dropped to his knees in the middle of the floor and wept. He slumped onto the ground in utter defeat. His shaking form lay amidst shattered glass, torn paper, scattered books and splintered wood. He fell asleep weeping, still curled into a ball on the floor. He prayed that when he woke up you would be there to greet him.

- Kirk sat at his desk, staring at the same sheet of paper that he had been staring at for the past two hours. His quivering hand held a pen just over the bottom line. He couldn’t bring to sign the document that confirmed your death. The document that would tell the federation to find an officer that would replace you. He had a death-grip on the pen, not putting it down, but not signing the document either. For what seemed like an hour, he sat, staring at the slip of paper, until he slowly forced himself to scrawl his name on the document. Now had to make himself actually send it. Uhura couldn’t eat, and Spock wondered why he was so distracted when he tried to do his job, and why there were tears forming in his eyes for no logical reason. The ship went from a warm home to a reminder. A reminder that they had all lost someone and that they could never have them back.

- Bones woke up in his bed, a warm presence next to him. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. His quarters were clean, and nothing was broken. There was a lump next to him in the sheets. He noticed (h/c) hair poking softly out of the covers. No way. Could that have been a dream? More like a nightmare. He got up, knowing better than to wake you up, then changed into his uniform. As he went out into the halls, his thoughts were still on the all-too-vivid dream he had just had. Kirk greeted him with his signature smirk. “Morning, Bones,” he greeted. “Hey, Jim,” Bones sighed, as they walked to the recreation room to get breakfast. Bones sipped on his coffee, talking with Jim about the new recruits that would be joining the crew next month. The dream still haunted him, floating in the back of his head since he woke up. “To be honest, I’m not exactly excited to have to train a bunch of rookies into medical officers, but I’m not too keen on being fired from my position either,” Bones said. “Yeah, Spock is pretty annoyed by it too, but he won’t let anyone hear him say it. Apparently irritation is illogical,” Jim returned. “But, hey, a ship has to have a crew.” “I guess, but if my lab gets fucked up by any of those cadets I’m gonna kill ‘em,” Bones grumbled, taking another sip of coffee. After breakfast with Jim, Bones went back to his office to make preparations for the shipment of recruits. Strange. You weren’t at your station. Maybe you were helping Spock in the science department. Bones went through his day, growing more and more worried. He hadn’t seen you all day, and he was beginning to suspect something was up. On his way back to his quarters he heard a voice, that started out as a whisper in his head. “Bones?” He shook his head, assuming he was just tired. Further down the hallway, it came again. "Bones! Let me in!“ It sounded like the Jim. That was odd. At this point, Bones really should have gone back to the medical office and checked his head for trauma. Too bad he didn’t. The voice grew painfully loud. "Bones, I will force this door to open!” Bones proceeded down the hallway as fast as he could. “Bones, come on, you’ve gotta be okay.” Of course he was okay. Why wouldn’t he be okay? He was a high ranking officer aboard the finest vessel in the fleet. Not to mention he had an awesome girlfriend that he hadn’t seen all day. “Shit! Bones, come on!” A flash of white overtook Bones’ vision. Once it cleared he saw his surroundings. He was lying on the floor of his quarters, with loose papers, fragments of wood, wrecked furniture, and stray books all across the floor. The captain stood over him. He lay confused until reality retook his senses and he felt the dried tears on his face. You were gone.

195 notes · View notes