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wichestergirl666 · 17 hours

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Devotion.

I just want, or rather need, to write about this scene, because it stuck in my head for the last seven days. And because of the wonderful @lurkingshan I decided to post it...

This scene is the culmination, the end of the years that Qian has forbidden himself to feel joy or love. Romantic love that doesn't demand, that doesn't require him to be in control, to take care, to be the big brother. So far he has not allowed the depth of his feelings for Yuan to surface. He has kept them locked away, kept control of them. He knows they were there, but couldn’t or didn’t dare to face them, to name them. And he would have continued to do so if Yuan hadn't finally told him what he actually wants from him. It wasn't enough for him to tell Qian that he loves him, that it was his own problem, not Qian's, that he was content if the person he loved was happy. The talk with San Pang and the staircase talk were the first steps, Qian is finally able and willing to face those emotions, but couldn’t make up his mind. Still couldn't name those feelings.

Everything is too much for him. He is overwhelmed by the decision he has to make and the possible outcome of that. He could lose Yuan, if they don't work out in the end. If those boundaries are finally crossed, there is no going back to where they were. So Qian needed to hear that Yuan doesn't want him as a brother. Every time Yuan told Qian he can take care of him, he is there for him and holds up the world together with him, it was as a brother. In Qian’s mind, he said that as a brother. All Qian brought Yuan was suffering and sadness and abandonment, because he fell in love with him.

In his mind, Yuan shouldn’t love him as something else than a brother, because that would harm both of them. Because loving Qian isn’t a good thing to do. Qian knows that Yuan loves him but hasn't understood, or rather wanted to understand, the extent of his feelings. Yuan wants to be his partner. He wants him to be able to rely on him, to be Qian's rock, no matter what life brings, he wants to be there for him. And not just for the moment, but for the rest of his life. And not just as a brother Qian has to take care of, but as a lover, the one person who puts Qian first.

He wants to be Qian's partner, he wants to protect him and take the burden off his shoulders. He wants Qian not to have to deal with everything on his own, but to open up to him, to share his worries and hardships with him. And Qian finally understands what it means when Yuan tells him that he can summarize his life in two words: Wei Qian. Yuan puts Qian above himself, he would run to the end of the world for him if he had to, he would fight against the rest of the world if he had to, he will protect him, he will take care of him and love him no matter what the world holds. And finally Qian understands that it's good, that Yuan won't just leave him once he opens up, because he loves everything about him, his dark sides and his light ones. Yuan can take care of him to the end, can love him to the end. And Qian surrenders. He's always in fucking control, no matter what, he has to control everything, even his heart. But at some point, all resistance breaks. He just had to understand.

And when they get into the bedroom, Qian is beaming. The lightning focusses on his face, this delighted face. He is like pudding under Yuan’s kisses, touches, breathes. In that moment he exists only out of his emotions. There is nothing more and nothing more is needed in this situation. He has never looked so weightless before and has certainly never felt like this.

We know what Yuan imagines at night, or at least we have a pretty good idea. We have witnessed countless moments when his love and affection for Qian literally leaked out of his face, while Qian tried to suppress his feelings with a petrified expression. But finally, he can feel them. He allows himself to give in. He allows Yuan to take care of his world, to let him feel how much he loves and desires him. The power of emotions and sensations are depicted on Qian’s face. He has his eyes closed, tasting every single moment, savouring every single touch. Blissfully.

Yuan's presence is Qian's entire focus. Just as Qian is Yuan's entire focus. And he makes sure that Qian feels good, that he forgets everything, all problems and responsibilities, illnesses and losses, for the moment. He takes care of his world. This one thing he wanted to do for so long, he is finally able to do.

(Well, there is an edited version out now with this whole scene as one without the flashbacks, but I saw the other one first and I loved it, so I stick to it.) The whole scene is repeatedly interrupted by scenes from the past and it is always Yuan. I was also a bit irritated by the time jumps at first, I get why people are annoyed by this, but it makes sense. We know that Qian is Yuan's whole world, the centre around which he has revolved for years and for which he would do anything. We see scenes that led to where they are now. Their shared history. Their shared memories. The sequences speed up and at some point it's just Yuan’s face at its core. Yuan. Yuan. Yuan.

And you can understand, without needing to be told, that Yuan is also Qian's whole world. He is the centre, the heart that gives his own life warmth, with whom he can let himself fall, who knows him better than anyone else, who was always there, even when he physically wasn't, the only one who could tell him to do things he didn’t want to do, the one he can’t fucking live without. And Qian surrenders. The feelings he couldn't allow for so long are now boiling out and we have these close-ups of his face and see how he's longed for it. How touch starved this boy was.

I don't need a close-up of Yuan to know that he's enjoying every single second. Would it have been nice? Sure, but I think narratively, that's the way they wanted and needed to go. And I love this whole scene. It's aesthetic, it advances the story, it's intimate and it's fitting for the show. Because Qian always was Yuan’s world and Yuan is Qian’s whole world.

I just wanted or needed to say I love this scene, its buildup, its pace, its hecticness and this disconnected feeling. It's Qian's scene. It's what we've all been dying for, for Qian to finally give in. And when the emotions overwhelm you, then it becomes hectic, then nothing hangs together and thoughts can't be grasped, can't be put in order. You jump from moment to moment, starting at one point and ending at a completely different one. It's Qian's scene. It's not Yuan's. We've had enough scenes to see Yuan's love and devotion, now it's time for Qian. We are, like Yuan, experiencing Qian in his first moment of absolute devotion. Without time, without place, without anger or fear. He doesn't think about the past or worry about the future, because for the first time he lives in the present. Yuan gives him this security that he can let his guard down, give up the control. I don't think Qian has ever felt as safe, secure, and loved as he does in this moment. And I love it so fucking much! Perhaps I just ignore my little dissappointement in them rushing this whole thing, because I watch those scenes with a narrator in my mind and he is giving me so much more in those scenes than the actual scene shows. But I understand everyone who is dissapointed with this scene and editing.

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wichestergirl666 · 17 hours

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Top 5 moments that made you go HANDS, HANDS, HANDS, HANDS in bl

I have answered three of these so far, so I'm gonna take this opportunity to answer:

Top 5 Hands, Hands, Hands Moments from Pre-2023 Shows I Watched in 2023

I have been in BL for a little under a year and a half, which means I have binged a metric fuck-ton of shows from before 2023 (for context, I have completed over 100 shows, and I've only seen 40 made in 2023)

180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us

180 Degree is one of the best shows I have ever seen in my life, it fully...like it fully caused me to have a breakdown, it was incredible, and the second this shot came on screen, I am pretty sure I paused, and immediately started screaming at @bengiyo about how fucking gorgeous this show was. It is my dashboard photo for a reason and I do not see it changing any time soon.

My Ride

gif by @sollucets

Speaking of @bengiyo, he and @lurkingshan told me to watch this when they re-aired it this year on YouTube, because they have my best interests at heart and knew I would lose my goddamn mind over the Sunshine Boys and especially this hand scene where Mork washes blood off of Tawan's hand.

I Told Sunset About You

gif by @ficklefackle

gif by @tenprems

Literally all of ITSAY, but there are three that drive me absolutely batty, in order of appearance: when Teh draws a red circle on Tarn's hand before they kiss in Ep 2, Teh grabbing of Oh's non-existent breasts in Ep 3, and when Teh pulls his fingers away when Oh reaches out when they are studying.

Manner of Death

gif by @indifferentinfatuation

Hair pull. Enough said.

Utsukushii Kare, Season 1

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Hira, Kiyoi, and the horn dog energy that comes from sucking fingers. They were insane for this, but it's Hira so we knew that already. Love Kiyoi and his Stalker.

Bonus: Old Fashion Cupcake

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Cause 180 Degree is not actually a BL here is an extra Supreme Hand Scene

Japan in 2023 seems to have a thing for baby-birding water in to a romantic partner's mouth. Pre-2023 Japan had a penchant for sticking fingers in to a romantic partner's mouth but I can't say I'm mad about it.

ASK ME MY TOP 5 OF ANYTHING BL 2023

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wichestergirl666 · 17 hours

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I love the conversations in ITSAY that are about things other than what they seem

And the scene where Teh and Ohaew float in the ocean, before having their first kiss underwater, really struck me in particular.

First we get Teh's perspective:

"This feels good. I don't have to think about anything. I want to stay this way.

I love it when the seawater touches my back. I feel like something is holding me up."

Teh doesn't want to think. He's hiding from all the thoughts he's been having, avoiding self-reflection and putting a name to his feelings. We see that in the next part of this scene, when Ohaew pushes for definition and confirmation and Teh can't say anything more specific than "Isn't it nice, what we have now?" When Ohaew first reveals his feelings for Teh in the hammock, and indicates he knows Teh likes him too, Teh doesn't actually say anything, he just doesn't contradict or protest what Ohaew says. Teh doesn't say aloud he likes Ohaew until the last episode, while talking to his brother, and we can see how difficult that is for him.

In the ocean, laying like that, Teh doesn't have to put in work. The saltwater supports him, keeps him afloat. Why change what's already comfortable? Why dive into the unknown (break up with Tarn, confess to Ohaew, etc.) when he can keep doing what he is doing.

Teh feels like he's drowning, body contorting, breathing deeply like his lungs haven't had air in too long. He reaches out for Ohaew whenever he can, gulps lungfuls of his scent, anything to get close to him, but he won't take the plunge and vocalize his feelings.

I think it speaks to Teh's relationship with others and especially his mother too - he says "I love it when the seawater touches my back. I feel like something is holding me up." Teh is so concerned with what the people in his life would think if he reveals his feelings for Ohaew and dates him. When he is spilling his heart to his brother about Ohaew in episode 5 he says "If I date him, how can I tell my friends? All my friends date girls" and "If I dated a guy, would [Ma] be ok? What would Ma think of that?" He fears losing his support network, the people who "hold him up," if he is honest and takes the plunge to confess to Ohaew.

So as a result, Teh chooses silence and stagnation. He doesn't verbalize to Ohaew his feelings (despite signaling them in all his gestures and actions), he doesn't break up with Tarn or tell her how conflicted he is (beyond saying "I'm confused"), he tells Ohaew he wants things to stay the same between them. It's easier to remain, at least outwardly, the same Teh he's always been - heterosexual - rather than change his understanding of himself and update others on who he is now.*

When Teh visits Tarn's house to ask if she still loves him, desperate to find some sort of proof, a reason, to forget all the feelings he's been having about Ohaew and return to a (heterosexual) normal with Tarn, she challenges him to tell her he loves her back. She yells "SAY IT!", a desperate plea to have Teh vocalize the thoughts and feelings he's been having - but he doesn't, just like he doesn't say anything to Ohaew. "It's your turn" she says, and I'm sure Ohaew would yell the same. They are tired of being the ones thinking and talking and taking the risks - it's Teh's turn to take the plunge. "Why are you so quiet?" Tarn asks. "Why are you doing this?" and it's true, Teh is only hurting himself and the people he loves by choosing to float, unthinking, unchanging, staying where he is.

Now for Ohaew's perspective:

"But you need to hold your breath all the time with this posture. Sometimes it gets uncomfortable.

And when I don't want to control anything, I release my breath, and let myself sink."

Ohaew points out that Teh's approach isn't as relaxing as he makes it out to be. It still takes work to float, even in saltwater. You have to tense your body and hold your breath to stay above the waves. And we've seen that in Teh, how tense he is, how he writhes around as if desperate for release but he can't quite reach it.

In contrast, Ohaew says when this existence gets uncomfortable, you have to surrender to the waves. Stop trying to hold on even when it's causing pain and relinquish control. Ohaew has many things he is stressed about, like his grades, making his parents proud, getting into university, etc. but there's many things he is more comfortable with than Teh. He seems confident in his sexuality (he knows he's into boys, has no fear at confessing to Teh his crush on Bas, dates Bas openly, etc.), he share his life with others freely on Instagram, he studies but asks for rest days, etc. He takes the plunge and tells Teh he has feelings for him and that he knows Teh has feelings for him too. He's often the first to reach out for Teh and move into his space, directly challenge the boundaries of platonic friendship.

In fact, times when Ohaew is least comfortable are times with Teh: when he waits for Teh to open up about his feelings, when Teh pushes him away, when Teh says he wants to continue as friends, when Ohaew considers how he can't change for Teh.

So Ohaew relinquishes control: he can't change how Teh feels and acts, so he lets Teh go and tries to move on with Bas. He's still caught up in his feelings for Teh (especially since he knows they are reciprocated but Teh is unwilling and unable to step into the unknown) but he's trying to move on, let the tide take him where it would, find happiness elsewhere.

This conversation floating in the ocean tells us where they are coming from, and the next bit shows us where they end up:

Ohaew puts it out there: he tells Teh how he feels, he initiates non-platonic contact, he pushes Teh to open up as well. Teh fights it, tries to remain floating "effortlessly" on the surface, keeping everything just the way it always has been, though the water keeps pulling him under and he's been holding his breath for months.

Ohaew practices what he preaches and surrenders to the waves, takes the plunge, and, after a moment, Teh follows.

*side note to say this reminds me of some of the thoughts I've had about Tinn from MSP (here) and how it can be hard to challenge other people's expectations and preconceived notions of you even if they don't quite fit anymore

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wichestergirl666 · 17 hours

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Hi....If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

Thank you for the Ask! Typically I find these questions difficult because I consume a lot of content and I love so many things dearly, and I inevitably forget about things that I cherish and then feel bad about it. So here are 10 of my favorite pieces of media I’ve pulled from my mental list of all the things in the world that have made an impact on me, I’m going to do these in alphabetical order

180 Degrees Longitude Passes Through Us

I only saw this show recently but it is an absolutely gorgeous piece of media. I have a bit of a theater background and this show definitely reads like a stage play, in the dialogue, in the setting, in the way that Nike carries himself around the space as Inthawut. This is a perfect piece of media in my opinion. The performances are a masterclass in acting, the use of vertical lines that place barriers between the characters or that cage them in, the complicated dynamics between the characters, the throughlines of grief and pain and loneliness that just radiates out of the screen for every character in this story. I have been through some shit, let me tell you, but there was a ten second moment in the final episode of this show that sent me in to the worst emotional distress of my entire life for a totally innocuous, complete reasonable, and minimally tragic scene and for that it does deserve immense praise.

Big Eden

I am making up for forgetting to put Pike on my Favorite Characters list by remembering to put Big Eden on my favorite media list! I saw Big Eden for the first time in my freshman year of college. Back then I was not aware of, or at leas was not acknowledging my own queerness, and to find a film like this one just healed a part of my soul I didn’t know was wounded. When I say I watched this film back to back two or three times when I first saw it, I mean that this is one of if not the only film that I have immediately started from the beginning the second that the credits started rolling. I love this film for what it gave me, an older queer romance, non-existent homophobia, PIKE! Some of the greatest lines of all time, that to this day get reactions out of me, mainly:

“I just want things to be nice for him”

and

"Well, screw you, Henry Hart. I do know what love is. You are my family. And I'm sorry... I'm sorry if that's not good enough for you."

And

“Why can’t you see how much love there is that people want to pour on top of you? I can’t help thinking that your grandma and I didn’t do right by you somehow. I feel like maybe we taught you something wrong, because you won’t tell me who you are. Did we teach you shame? Did I teach you that? Because it would break my heart if I had,” (watch the scene here)

Don't let the stars go out at night, don't let the moon break your heart, indeed.

I Told Sunset About You and I Promised You The Moon

ITSAY/IPYTM is two parts of one continuous story and therefore counts as a single piece of media.

I just got done gushing about this show the other night, because for me it is a foundational piece of queer media. It is one of my favorite pieces of media, point blank, period. Queer characters are allowed to complex, three-dimensional, and frustrating. They are allowed to make mistakes, and hurt the people they care about in their quest to better understand themselves. They are human. And the emotional honesty and vulnerability that the script and the actors showed struck deep in to my experiences figuring out my own identity. It has some of the strongest characterization that I have ever seen in media. The actors commit to the craft, the production team clearly put love and care in to every aspect of this show, every frame of it. The director trusted the audience to understand what was happening and trust the actors to play with silence. There is so much silence in this show because the actors portray so much with just the way they move around the space, the way they carry themselves, the way they look at each other. It is a gorgeous, gorgeous piece of media. It took me three watchthroughs of I Told Sunset About You before I was able to form a single analytical thought about it, because the first time I saw this show my brain went fuzzy. This show rewired my brain and changed my DNA.

And as a side note, anyone that thinks that Billkin is a bad actor or a bad crier can kindly meet me outside the Denny’s parking lot at 3am because I will not stand for Billkin slander in my household. That man is absolutely demolished the role of Teh. The constant fidgeting, the way his whole body just screams out whatever he is feeling without him ever having to say a word.

Moonlight Chicken

I have talked numerous times about why this show remains my favorite, and a lot of that has to do with the community that I gained around me because of it. But stepping back to the piece itself, I love how much this show is really dedicated to the importance of community. To showing the different mindsets of three generations of queer people, the way they struggle and don’t. The conversations that happen around poverty, and disability, and grief. The way that Li Ming and Heart are screaming to be understood. The way Jim has been hurt too many times and how that makes him scared to start over with Wen. The way Aof was able to take this BL structure and transform it into the story whose primary focus is on how a queer elder keeps and cultivates a relationship with his queer nephew. Jim and Li Ming’s relationship is the focal point of this show and I am so grateful to have that. The acting is phenomenal, the lighting is incredible, and it is a very technically strong piece. I know that Aof tends to tell us sad gay stories, but by god am I in love with every single Aof show I have seen (GOBK(with Jojo), ATOTS, HCTM, BB, MLC)

Pushing Daisies

What a deeply deeply tragic story wrapped up in the shiniest paper! I will never get over the fact this show got canceled because it is one of the greatest of all time. I love that Lee Pace has acknowledged how queer this show is, and how intentional that was, even though it was not discussed at the time of its release. Like, fundamentally this is a show about a man named Ned and his partner Chuck who can never touch. I’ll talk about this a little later too, but I am just such a sucker for stories where people can’t touch each other. I love the angst in it, the wanting to, the need to be intimate, to comfort, to care for someone and just…not being able to hold them. I loved watching how Ned and Chuck navigated this issue, the kissing through plastic wrap, the dancing in beekeeper suits, them getting excited for winter cause it meant they could wear gloves and hold hands like any other couple.

This show is hilarious and funny and fast, with a really intriguing concept and an extremely clear vision and it did not deserve the end it got.

I heard it might be on HBO Max, not sure if that is still true, but if you can find you, and you haven’t seen it, you should absolutely watch it, and if you have seen it, this is your reminder to watch it again.

Sense8

Before I begin, I just want to say

FUCK

NETFLIX

Once again, another incredible show, with very interesting themes, and things to say was canceled before it’s time. I will die mad about the fact that Netflix did not give this show the room it deserved to tell the story THAT THEY PITCHED TO NETFLIX AS A FIVE SEASON ARC. This show was so good, it got my homophobic dad to watch the whole thing without even squirming at the gay sex (like he did when he watched Game of Thrones).

I love love love love love this show. I love the way it connects people from all over the world, I love that these random strangers become a family, I love what it says about every day people being important, having important skills, and how much that can vary from being a good actor, knowing chemistry, driving, and being a skilled martial artist. I love how sex positive this show was. I love the utilization of orgies to demonstrate the way these characters are all connected to each other. I loved the mystery behind it all, they way the function of this psyllium network got progressively more understandable to us as time went on in much the same way that the characters get used to it. I love the humanization of drug users, that it touches on the struggles of trans people, queer people, eldest daughters, poor people, etc etc etc; ON BODY AUTONOMY IN MEDICINE!!! I truly believe there is something for everyone in this show and even though I am mad we really only got a two hour filmed storyboard of general concepts the Wachowski sisters were planning on diving in to over the next three seasons, I do love with my whole heart, for the memes, that Nom’s mother gets over her transphobia as a result of one very good weed brownie.

Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom

I got in to these books after seeing the first season of Shadow and Bone on Netflix. Full disclosure, I did not read the Shadow and Bone trilogy, I will not read the Shadow and Bone trilogy, I do not care about the Shadow and Bone trilogy. This is a Crows Only household. Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom are very incredible heist books first of all. The main plot is compelling in and of itself, before you even add the characters in to it. And what phenomenal characters we have: Kaz, Inej, Jesper, Wylan, Matthias, NINA MY BELOVED. I’m glad they aged them up for the show, but it is very funny to me to think of a bunch of gremlin teenagers running around and taking down criminal empires for the sake of revenge...and coin. Leigh Bardugo is a disabled woman and I love that she gave Kaz her same disability because it means that we get a really authentic portrayal of disability. His cane is seen as important, he is never embarrassed by it, and his chronic pain is always highlighted. (can we also talk about how pissed Kaz was when Genya offered to fix his leg?). I love how contradictory he is, how much he loves Inej and wants to be with her, and wants to touch her, and the way his trauma and touch repulsion just constantly stops him from being physical able to do what he actually wants. Inej, who loves Kaz back, and sees the boy underneath the image of a monster he has crafted for himself, who has her own hang ups around touch and understands Kaz, but values herself enough to not pursue a relationship with him if he will not or cannot work on himself. Who grew claws with the knives she carries with her, who herself is a walking contradiction, deeply religious and also murderous, and so brave, and kind, and patient, and who I love with my whole heart.

Wylan, whose own father tried to have him killed because he was dyslexic. Jesper who has been hiding who he is because of what his power did to his mother, who is always the comedic relief while harboring pain, our favorite gambling addict, ADHD, gunslinger. Matthais who has to confront a lifetime’s worth of propaganda. Nina who is just an all around badass motherfucker, who is fat and sexy and brilliant. My favorite superspy <3

The Fall (2006) dir. Tarsem Singh

You really have to go looking for this film if you ever want to watch it, because it has almost entirely been wiped away, which sucks because it is one of my favorite movies. Why?

Because it is one of, if not the most visually stunning piece of media I have ever seen. The plot for this film is a stuntman (played by Lee Pace) falls, is injured, and hospitalized at the same time as a 5-year-old Romanian immigrant who fell and broke her arm picking oranges. Roy (the stuntman) starts telling Alexandria (the little girl) a story, to manipulate her in to doing things for him, like spying on people and stealing pain meds. The movie cuts between real life, present day, and this grandiose epic tale that he is telling. This was 150% a passion project on Tarsem’s part, he spent 30 million of his own money making this movie, for it to only make 3 million in theaters upon it’s release. It took four years to film and was filmed in 24 different locations.

I love the overarching story, and how the growing friendship Roy builds with this little girl literally saves his life. The cast of characters is certainly interesting, Charles Darwin is a character in Roy’s story, but by GOD is it just a great watch, hours of stunning cinematography, with incredible costumes. Would highly recommend watching this if you can find it.

The Magnus Archives

I love this podcast for many reasons. First, because I think it was absolutely brilliant to start this show off as almost an anthology, lulling the audience in to a false sense of security by having each early episode be completely unrelated to one another, until they aren’t. Until names start popping up in multiple tales, until monsters and ghosts and any number of other unexplained creepy things start showing up in other people’s stories. How slowly you start to realize everything is connected and always has been. That set up was just…beautifully handled. Second, I love what this show says about survival and fear. That the more we believe in fear, the more powerful it gets. I love how often the survivors of these tales come out the other side of these experiences by thinking of people that are important to them, people they love. When The Buried tried to get that spelunker trapped in the cave, it was the thought of finding her sister, of getting help for her sister that got her through the other side. When Martin is in The Lonely, it is his thoughts of Jon that get him through the other side. I love that the avatar of Death is kind. I love that the Boneturner just wants to build a garden. I love the experiences and the world that Johnathan Simms builds in every story, and that he is able to create so many different types of fears, a little something for everyone. I love the heart at the center of this show.

The Princess Bride

Again, another piece of media that is fast paced and full of quips, with a beautiful, ridiculous, hilarious story, and a solid emotional core. I was raised on this film, which is part of why I love it so much. You can see and feel how much fun the cast had making this film. To this day it is beloved, highly quotable, and poignant. Also a great fencing movie, but I’m biased on that end as a fencer myself. I don't have much more to say about this film because I think it is perfect and I have no notes, but I will say I love how much this film helped Mandy Patinkin process his own grief around the loss of his father.

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wichestergirl666 · 17 hours

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the “this character is insufferable” to “this character is literally me” pipeline strikes again

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wichestergirl666 · 17 hours

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Gays + underwater kisses :

an international love language

In no particular order

Skam OG (Norway)

Skam France

Skam España

Euphoria (US)

I Told Sunset About You (Thailand)

KinnPorsche (Thailand)

We Best Love (Taiwan)

TharnType (Thailand)

Why R U (Thailand)

The Eclipse (Thailand)

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wichestergirl666 · 17 hours

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Best of QL 2023: Favorite Lines

Okay well, I was going to spare everyone (and myself) from having to choose between all the pre-2023 shows I binged this year, but @twig-tea wanted more pain and suffering so here it goes:

Top Five Pre-2023 Lines that Lived Rent-Free In My Brain This Year:

"I don't want to see him sad." -Oh'Aew, I Told Sunset About You, Ep. 5

Okay so you see, my real problem here is that my favorite parts of ITSAY, the things that stay in my head rent free. No. The things I pay to stay in my head because I love them so much are the things that happen in the silence. Beginning of Ep 3, end of Ep 3, the kiss in Ep 4, the wrestling at the end of Ep 2. Those aspects, those moments are what absolutely destroyed me with this show. But I am gonna be real with you all, when Bas let Oh go like that? I wept. And I do love what it says about Oh that despite how much he has been hurt by Teh, he loves Teh enough to know how utterly devasted Teh is right now, and he cannot bear the pain of seeing someone he loves so hurt. Especially when he and Teh haven't spoken since Teh gave up his seat.

"You're tired, aren't you?" -Mork, My Ride, Ep. 5

If you saw my Favorite Lines 2023 post you would notice that this line is very very similar to my favorite line in Moonlight Chicken. And that is because loving and caring for people is super fucking exhausting. Meeting the world with kindness and grace and radical empathy in the face of horrible things, in the face of people who think you are weak for your kindness, or who seek to take advantage of it is fucking exhausting. And it is honestly quite rare that I see kind characters being asked this question, so I always go feral when they do because it is such a testament to love to say 'i see you' but to grant people enough space and autonomy to decide how honest and vulnerable they are going to let themselves be. I was talking with @ginnymoonbeam about this line a little so I am going to steal a line from her: "have you eaten" = I love and care for you

"are you tired" = I see how much you love and care for me/others

Of course the fact that Tawan absolutely just melts in to a puddle of tears because yes, yes he is tired, so so fucking tired does absolutely nothing to help me stop thinking about this scene. I love my boys!

"Because you raised me this way, that's why I'm not like other kids" || "I had to hate Pran, to compete against him, because of you? That's the reason? -Pran || Pat, Bad Buddy, Ep. 10

I cheated here. I do not care. These lines come almost one right after another and are just the same level of one-two gut punch that makes Bad Buddy so fucking incredible. Pat and Pran have been through so much because their parents were trying to save face. All the pain they have suffered, the lies they've had to tell, the caution, the fear, the secrecy in their relationship. How long Pran has had to keep his feelings for Pat at bay, how much Pat is sacrificing to let Pran maintain a good relationship with his mother, is all because their parents have decades old beef. There are so many good lines in this show, if I were to pick another one it would be "do you want to be friends?" "no" from Episode 5, but I feel like no lines sum up the conflict of Bad Buddy better than Pran and Pat confronting their parents.

"You must be disappointed in me." -Wang, 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us, Ep 7

Ok so I lied about this one, the line that absolutely stays in my head rent free is the line "Mom." Wang sobs after his fight with In in Episode 8 but I had a legitimate 30 minute melt-down over that singular line and moment so I am picking one of the next most painful lines for me. And if it wasn't this it would be the entirety of the 52 Hertz Whale monologue that In gives in Episode 3 because that is the saddest gayest monologue for the saddest gayest man. And if it wasn't those it would be the boy in boarding school monologue Wang gives in Episode 5. Honestly this entire script, and this entire show is with me always.

BUT what absolutely kills me about this line in particular is that Swasimol tries to shake her head no, and can't bring herself to lie, and Wang watches his mother nod in confirmation that she is disappointed in him when he tells her he is in love with In. And that's the part that is truly crushing.

"I know you're hurting," -Shiro, What Did You Eat Yesterday?

GOD. THEY MAKE ME SO. AGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH. Honestly a huge fuck you to @bengiyo for introducing this show to me, this brain rot is 1000% his fault.

There is something just so fascinating to me about Kenji and Shiro's dynamic especially around how they handle and navigate their queerness. Kenji is loud and out and proud and while we don't know if there was time his mother had to work up to it, we know that Kenji's mother is pretty accepting of Kenji being gay. But Shiro didn't have that same experience, and he is quiet, and struggling with internalized homophobia, and decently rooted in the closet. And I think when you have a character like Kenji who rarely seems to take the insults and the jabs to heart, who is just the human embodiment of sunshine you can forget that Kenji is human, and Kenji uses his sunshine as armor the way that Shiro uses his silence.

Shiro never says I love you to Kenji, in the first season he rarely engaged in any level of physical affection, and kept a distance from Kenji if they were walking together in public. But Shiro loves Kenji so goddamn much, so so fucking much, and while he can't bring himself to say the words it is in moments like this one, where Shiro knows despite the fact that Kenji hasn't given any indication, that Kenji is hurt by the fact that Shiro's mother rescinded his New Year's invitation.

Shiro and Kenji mean everything to me.

If anyone is curious about any other favorites (shows, cinematography, pain, etc) from this year, feel free to drop an ask!

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wichestergirl666 · 17 hours

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last twilight in phuket // moonlight chicken ep 3

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wichestergirl666 · 17 hours

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What are your top 5 “oh” moments. Like the moment that a character realizes that they are in love or that they realize another character is in love with them. ❤️

Ooo I love this question, and naturally the second I am presented with it I forget every single ‘oh’ moment that exists in all of media. And also I have watched too much of media so I forget a lot of things. I’m going to stick to BL because I didn’t really watch a lot of romance stuff before I found this genre and it’s fresher in my memory.

Pat in Bad Buddy

gif by @nick-nellson

My absolute favorite thing about the ‘oh’ moment in Bad Buddy for Pat is that Pat is someone that must act immediately. Pat does not sit on his feelings, he doesn’t mull them over, he doesn’t spend any time reflecting. He figures out that he likes Pran and then immediately seeks him out, immediately talks to him about how lonely he was without Pran when Pran transferred schools, immediately tells Pran his feelings. Pat and Pran are such good balances to each other. Pat’s family has always won, Ming has always won, Pat is not punished for interacting with Pran the way that Pran is. So Pran learned to quiet down, to hide, to keep things close to the chest. And he’s been harboring these feelings for Pat for so long without slipping up about it. But because Pat has never really experienced the severe consequences Pran has, he’s open, and honest, and expressive.

I love love love love LOVE the sigh of relief, the utter bliss and joy that we see on Pat’s face when they pull away from their kiss, and you can tell that to Pat everything makes sense! It’s a relief, he understands his feelings, he’s let Pran know, Pran has responded in kind. And I love love love love LOVE Pran’s reaction to realizing Pat liked him back, the way he sets his jaw before he goes in for the second kiss, the way he can’t let himself have it, the way he knows he essentially signing a death warrant if he allows this for himself and his mother finds out. So he is devastated, he has to walk away from the moment. It’s such a phenomenal execution of an ‘oh’ moment.

Im Han Tae in Sing My Crush

gif by @smileytharn

Sing My Crush is probably my favorite offering I’ve seen out of Korea, I love it so much and for so many reasons. I love the level of comfortability and platonic intimacy that we get between Han Ba Ram and Im Han Tae from the jump. Those boys are so comfortable with each other, and though Han Ba Ram is a perpetually suffering homo being cuddled by his unrequited crush, the love and care they have for eachother is so palpable. What I love about the “oh” moment in Sing My Crush is that it really is simultaneously short and sweet and prolonged. In Episode 5, Han Ba Ram confesses his feelings to Im Han Tae, and we get Han Tae’s initial “huh?” reaction, that includes them dropping their held hands, and Han Tae has zero processing time before Ba Ram is telling him he is leaving and then running away. And I love that the second that Ba Ram is out of site and Han Tae has a moment to contemplate, he sits down, and he just stares at his hands.

AND THEN WE GET THIS BEAUTIFUL MONTAGE THAT JUST REPLAYS ALL OF THESE MOMENTS OF INTIMACY BETWEEN BA RAM AND HAN TAE BUT HAN TAE IS RECONTEXTUALIZING THEM IN REAL TIME TO PROCESS HIS OWN FEELINGS FOR BA RAM.

And then right after that we just a scene where Han Tae is just dissociating about it until he reaches a point of understanding and comfortabilty with it. And then…

Nothing.

Han Tae and Ba Ram go right back to interacting like they usually do, and the confession just sits, and Han Tae is touching Ba Ram, is letting Ba Ram wrap his arms around him, is telling Ba Ram to lean on him. Han Tae is showing Ba Ram it is okay, he’s okay with this, at least with knowing that Ba Ram likes him. But Ba Ram is depressed, and he’s been hurt before, and I love the way Han Ba Ram and Im Han Tae are able to work through some of their own feelings in the boxing ring. And Han Ba Ram gets to devastate us all with the: “Why is it so tiring to like someone? What did I do wrong?”

Like, we know that Han Tae likes Ba Ram, but then he sits on it for an entire episode, until Ba Ram takes back his confession because of all the shit with that dickhead music teacher. And we get Ba Ram’s “oh, he likes me’ moment an entire episode later. I don’t know, I think it’s lovely.

Nozue in Old Fashion Cupcake

gif by @itachis

All I have to say is: Togawa, you poor fucker, I am so sorry for the agonizing torture Nozue unintentionally put you through by calling you hot, offering his body, and going out on dates with him when Nozue didn’t know you had a crush on him. Old Fashion Cupcake is nearly untouchable in it’s ‘oh’ moment. It’s handled so brilliantly, the rise in tension between them, the anxiety just radiating off of Nozue, the way all pretense from Nozue just falls away, the four minute continuous shot!

Like, truly you when Togawa starts waxing poetic about how he’s got the spark for life because of Nozue and things start to click in to place for Nozue, and I love love love love love the build-up to the kiss, it’s peaceful and they are getting somewhere and then Togoawa gets the phone call and Nozue panics. Nozue starts making increasingly ridiculous, half-hearted, and obvious excuses to get the fuck out of Togawa’s apartment. The way Togawa grabs him? Incredible. But the response from Nozue throughout the kiss? It takes an incredibly strong actor to handle it the way that Nozue did. The utter confusion at the beginning, the gears turning in his head, trying to figure out how he fucking got here, while at the same time kissing back. GOD! So good! So so good!

Kiyoi in Utsukushii Kare, Season 2

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

This is a non-traditional ‘oh’ moment, because it isn’t a “oh i’m in love” or “oh I love him” moment at all. What it is is a “oh I’ve been mistaken” moment that is just absolutely brutal and heartbreaking. There is no doubt whatsoever that Kiyoi is in love with Hira, every fiber of Kiyoi’s being, every cell in that boy’s body loves Hira. But Hira has not loved Kiyoi, he’s been obsessed with Kiyoi, he’s glorified Kiyoi, he’s looked at Kiyoi as a god Hira should worship and serve. The way Yagi Yusei plays the moment that Kiyoi realizes that his understanding of his relationship with Hira is horrifically flawed. The way Kiyoi looks like he’s been slapped the second that Hira admits he isn't sure he wants to understand Kiyoi? It’s brilliant. “I’m sorry I like you” like???????? hello?????????

Shiro, What Did You Eat Yesterday? Season 2

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Again not a strictly traditional “oh” moment, because Kenji and Shiro have been in a relationship for eight years at this point, they love each other, even if Shiro is not the kind of person to say it. But man, I just…nothing brought me to tears faster than Shiro’s “oh, he really loves me and I really love him” moment in Season 2 when Kenji runs out to get onions because he threw the old ones out and Shiro needed one to make dinner. The contrast we have had throughout the episode with the flashbacks to Shiro’s last relationship that was extremely one sided and cold, to the bright, colorful, warmth of the current day, with Kenji. I will never recover from the line “I think I’ll use two chicken breasts tonight” while Shiro stands there with tears in his eyes, overwhelmed at the realization that he truly loved and cared for.

Bonus: Invisible Oh Moment

Uea in Bed Friend

gif by @ueasking

I want to talk about Uea’s “oh” moment in Bed Friend because I don’t think there is any clear “oh” moment. The boy doesn’t run, he doesn’t confess, but there are a couple of points that stood out to me as Uea shifting how he thinks of King, Episode 4 is really the point of change. There are a ton of little moments throughout the episode where you can really see Uea start to soften towards King. We have the first chip in the armor when King [tells Uea he doesn’t deserve to be treated that way after Pock’s assault in the garage], the second chip when King treats his bruises so gently, the third when King brings the birthday cake. You can tell the morning after that Uea is no longer thinking of King as a bed friend, and even more over you get this incredible moment in Episode 6 right after their sex scene where it is so disgustingly obvious that King wants to ask Uea to be his boyfriend and that Uea would say yes without a moment’s hesitation. And that is why I didn’t want to leave it out of the list. Because honestly, I have not seen many shows in 2023 that used sex better than Bed Friend. Every single sexual encounter we got out of KingUea was followed by a shift in their relationship, and in a space where kink is rarely used or used poorly, I think it was vitally important that the kinky sex is what solidified Uea’s feelings for King.

Bonus Bonus: Uh Oh moment

Teh in I Told Sunset About You

gif by @mickeysarmyguy

I go absolutely feral for moments where characters finally give in to a desire and then are able to just like, pull the leash back, clamp their feelings down, and walk away. I cannot overstate the level to which I was impacted by the final scene in Episode 3 of ITSAY where Teh is scratching Oh’s back and smelling him. I do not think I breathed through that scene because of how oppressive the tension was between them. But the second that Teh grabbed Oh’s pecs and realized there weren’t breasts there and he just locks all his feelings behind bars is just…I don’t even have words.

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