winerednasturtiums

[winerednasturtiums]

i;m like if you made a girl but had to make a lot of substitutions in the recipe

[winerednasturtiums]

[winerednasturtiums]

🌿 🌹 🌱 🥬 ✨ // nasturtiums // gouache on hot press paper

[winerednasturtiums]

bungus

[winerednasturtiums]

If the jury really was voting in terms of composition, staging and technique, Estonia would have been top!!!

if a country has like a 200 point lead just from the professional and unbiased juries you know something is VERY wrong with the entire voting system

[winerednasturtiums]

War and Peace and the urge to murder the next person to tell me to meditate

[winerednasturtiums]

In highschool I wrote a story about a middle-generation of stellar travelers. Their parents were born on earth and left as children, and the middle generation will not live long enough to see their destination. They live their entire lives on the ship and I wrote about them trying to find their place in everything. They will never know blue skies and warm beaches and open fields with warm breezes. They’ll never know birdsong or crickets or frogs. They’ll never hear the rain on the roof of a dreary day. I never could find the right way to end the story. I wanted it to be a happy ending, but I didn’t know how to do it.

I realize now that it was a book about me dealing with depression before I even knew it. Looking back at how blatant the projecting was, it’s obvious now. It wasn’t then.

In the story, the middle-generation people are lost. They’re apathetic. They’re just a placeholder. The only job they have is to keep the ship running, have kids, and die. As the middle generation of people began becoming adults, suicide rates were skyrocketing. Crime and drug rates were jumping. This generation was completely apathetic because they felt that they had no use.

In the story, a small group of people in the middle-generation create the Weather Project. They turn the ship into a terrarium. They make magnificent gardens and take the DNA of animals they took with them and recreate them and they make this cold, metal spaceship that they have to live their entire lives on into a home. They take what little they have and they break it and rearrange it into something beautiful. They take this radical idea and turn the ship into a wonderful jungle of trees and birds and sunshine.

And I realize now how much it reflects my state of mind as I transitioned from a child into an adult while dealing with depression. You always hear “it gets better” and “when you’re older things will be easier” and I was so sick of waiting for it to get better. I was in the middle-generation stage. And I was sick of it. I was so sick of waiting.

When I was in highschool I didn’t know how to end the story. I didn’t know how to have a happy ending. I didn’t have the life experience then to finish the story in a meaningful way. I didn’t know how to make it better for these middle-generation characters.

But now that I’m older, I’m learning. That if you sit and wait for things to get better, it never will. You have to take your life and break it apart and rearrange it into something beautiful. You have to make the cold metal ship into the garden that you deserve. You have to make your own meaning. You have to plant your own garden.

You have to teach yourself that being happy is not a radical idea.

[winerednasturtiums]

there is no way to hate myself into becoming a person i like.

there is no way to shame myself into a better life.

i can’t motivate myself to heal in the same ways i encouraged my own destruction.

[winerednasturtiums]

Jason Todd, chilling out in his safehouse cleaning his guns or whatever, listening to a bunch of podcast episodes he downloaded earlier:

Podcast host: welcome back to Gnarliest Murders! now today we’re gonna be discussing a really gruesome case. it’s got everything: celebrity intrigue, supervillains - 

Jason: neat

Podcast host: - brutal beatings and explosions!

Jason: hey wait a second

Podcast host: that’s right folks, today we’re going to be digging into the murder of billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne’s adopted son, Jason Todd

Jason: okay what the fuck

Podcast host: but before we get into the gory details, let me tell you about today’s sponsor, Squarespace! With Squarespace you can-

Jason: what the fuck??

[winerednasturtiums]

No way that it took that Destiel Meme™ to have me find out that Looney Tunes just announced on Instagram bugs bunny x daffy duck is canon. I honestly wasn't expecting that today, but here we are.

[winerednasturtiums]

when you’re vibing with your cat and they go

grooming you grooming you grooming you grooming you grooming you BITING YOU grooming you grooming you ok done naptime

[winerednasturtiums]

having a soft small pet is like, you are so vulnerable, you are biting me, I am responsible for your fragile life in almost every way, your knife hands are in my stomach, I love you more than anything, stop eating plastic you heathen, I cannot save you from the slow march of age or explain to you the divergence of our life spans which consumes me

[winerednasturtiums]

Btw if I say things like “by god” or “good lord” in posts please be aware I don’t mean it in a catholic way I mean it in a 1950s scientist reacting in horror after they create an evil creature in the lab set in the distant future year of 2005

[winerednasturtiums]

unreleased Yasha & Caleb gender conversation

[winerednasturtiums]

i think if you go to a hospital to get like surgery or urgent care and something embarrassing or weird etc happens to you and a nurse makes a tiktok about how embarrassing or weird you were and makes fun of you, you should be allowed to sue them. like actually. regardless of if they mention your name or not. you should be able to sue them

[winerednasturtiums]

Fun history facts: One of the 31 people arrested at Stonewall on June 28th 1969 was American folk singer Dave Van Ronk, who was not at the Stonewall Inn at the time and was cis & straight as far as I'm aware. He'd been eating dinner at a nearby restaurant when he noticed a riot happening, said "Well I suppose I should go see what the fuss is about," stepped outside, and immediately started throwing bricks at the cops.

[winerednasturtiums]

dont play defense