within-the-abyss

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My first post, many, many moons ago was titled: Feyre — The Perfect Victim.

In that post I talked more about F/eyre as a she is conceived (i.e. the way she is set up by Sarah J Maas). The running thread in that series of posts was how F/eyre is consistently victimized, how she is never able to be complex because the narrative doesn’t actually acknowledge her as an individual with flaws and character traits that don’t stem from trauma.

In that same vein, I think it’s worth noting that SJM uses another ploy to characterize F/eyre, and that is selective traumatic reactions. By this I mean, F/eyre chooses when certain things spark PTSD-like symptoms, to the point where it gives whiplash to the reader. I think this is seen in the framing of her experience UTM...which is a lot to get into. We as the reader as gaslighted by the narrative that seeks to tell another story separate from the events that actually happened.

But, I’ll break this up into little sections to kind of reiterate what I mean

This first section is dealing with F/eyre’s experience UTM and how it is used in relation to T/amlin. It’s more exposition for my next post, but it will detail how F/eyre’s narrative gaslights the audience into placing her into a certain role. It’s not F/eyre, but rather how the narrative rewrites events to her favor, even when they skew with the plot of the story. This forms the basis of the selective trauma which will cover some other characters specifically R/hys and A/marantha.

F/eyre’s + T/amlin’s Experiences UTM and its Consequences: Gaslighting the Narrative

So, something that bothered me about the aftermath of F/eyre’s experience UTM and how it is conceptualized relates to A/maratha’s invisibility as a villain. It nagged on my that F/eyre seems to pin the consequences of her decision to go UTM unto T/amlin. A/marantha becomes disembodied and T/amlin becomes the conduit for her actions. This is prevalent in the scene where F/eyre spars with C/assian, and she states:

I had done everything—everything for that love. I had ripped myself to shreds, I had killed innocents and debased myself, and he had sat beside Amarantha on that throne. And he couldn’t do anything, hadn’t risked it—hadn’t risked being caught until there was one night left, and all he’d wanted to do wasn’t free me, but fuck me, and—

Again, again, again. One-two; one-two; one-two—

And when Amarantha had broken me, when she had snapped my bones and made my blood boil in its veins, he’d just knelt and begged her. He hadn’t tried to kill her, hadn’t crawled for me. Yes, he’d fought for me—but I’d fought harder for him.

There’s a lot to unpack about this scene, but going line by line:

For one, there is a lack of something — someone, and that someone is R/hysand. F/eyre didn’t debase herself, R/hysand did. The emphasis is put on T/amlin’s inability and not what was preventing him from trying to help: Amarantha and R/hysand. F/eyre acknowledges that T/amlin couldn’t do anything, but then scorns him for not “risking” it, which means what? When T/amlin shows emotion towards F/eyre...she boils her blood and snaps her neck. But then he’s blamed for not having the resources to protect her, even though his entire point of sending her home was that he physically could not protected her. The argument then becomes he should have done more when...he physically could not. Then there’s yet another retcon because T/amlin did try to help F/eyre: he made L/ucien swear an oath to protect her UTM, which is actually why he helps her initially UTM:

I swore an oath to Tamlin—” (L/ucien to Feyre)

So you needn’t hold to whatever oath you swore to Tamlin to protect me—or feel like you owe me anything for saving you from Amarantha. (Feyre to Lucien)

So, T/amlin had L/ucien watch over her because HE DID NOT have the mobility R/hysand did, which makes this entire scene a great big retcon. But, what’s interesting the constant lack of A/maranta and R/hysand. How R/hysand’s “debasement” is conveniently absent from this scene. The scene in itself is supposed to be a break through but it’s selective in it’s discussion of F/eyre’s source of trauma. T/amlin does everything he can despite the obstacles but F/eyre constantly heralds him as the source of her trauma. It’s T/amlin, and not R/hys — even when R/hysand is responsible for putting her in these situations.

But moving forward, we get this line, which is highlighted in green at the top of T/amlin only wanting to have sex with her, which again is kind of annoying because both of them initiated that encounter. And she herself says she wanted to be close to him because well...she might very well be dead the next day over. Her response to T/amlin in this future consistently blames him, and not idk the people actually torturing her??

Then another red con, highlighted in red, which literally retcons this entire scene, which is that T/amlin just sat there because he didn’t;t care enough, when literally in the text it states:

I found Tamlin’s eyes—wide as he crawled toward Amarantha, watching me die, and unable to save me while his wound slowly healed, while she still gripped his power.

Ah, he didn’t crawl for her? The text literally states word for word, bar for bar that he literally crawled, and begged for her. Which was all he could do while he was mortally wounded and bound by A/marantha.

So, we get this idea about T/amlin implanted to us via an egregious retcon. But T/amlin is blamed for everything, which is something I’ll talk about in my next post which is about how this selective trauma really hurts the thematic threads of this story, both between F/eyre and T/amlin, and her relationship and justification of R/hys.

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You know I’m just going to say it, I hate when people act like everyone around Rhys is the epitome of perfection and then invalidates others feelings about him because they think they haven’t read past the first book (As if the first book wasn’t reason enough to to hate his character) so let’s look what Rhys has realistically done in canon shall we.

ACOTAR- Went into Feyre’s mind without her consent scaring her so much that she wet herself, SA’ed Feyre, Dr*gged Feyre, twisted the bone in Feyre’s broken arm, made a bargain with Feyre not telling her that there would be a permanent tattoo on her body, kissed Feyre without consent. Made Feyre dance until she vomited, left Feyre in an outfit that barely in a cold cell, had daemati powers yet doesn’t use them to communicate with anyone, taunts Lucien using his mother.

ACOMAF- Steals from Tarquin, calls himself the best high lord even though he has two misogynistic men in a position of power, tells Feyre not to compare him to Tamlin even though he has also canonically abused her (UTM), withholds information about the mating bond from her, tells Feyre that it’ll be a while until he could look at her sisters without wanting to roar at them yet never once in the entirety of the series does he blame their father.

ACOWAR- Makes Nesta physically sick when flying with her, tries to have sex with Feyre in a library for SA surviors, has sex in a tent while their are people dying, shocked when people don’t easily trust him after he’s kept up a facade for 50 years, makes a deal with Mor’s ab*ser,

ACOFAS- tells Feyre that “Elain is Elain” but says that he can never forgive Nesta even though Feure herself said that Nesta had done enough to make up for it, says he can’t forgive people who have hurt her when he himself has hurt Feyre, decides to put more money into building another home instead of using it to help rebuild his court from the affects of the war.

ACOSF- Threatens to fight Nesta who is not in the right mental state due to her war PTSD, has to be told by his significantly younger mate to either shut up or get out if he’s not going to act properly, destroys Nesta’s safe space so she has no where else to go, had previous information about how dangerous it could be for Feyre to have a baby with wings way before even conceiving Nyx (which should have been brought up before or during their trying for him, even if it was a small percentage Feyre still had a right to know prior to conception), hid pivotal medical information from Feyre about the safety of her and their child and told everyone else not to tell her too, gets mad and threatens Nesta’s life when she tells Feyre about the baby even though the whole situation could have been avoided if he had just told Feyre the truth in the first place.

And that was all I could remember off the top of my head. I’m sure there are more than this. But overall Rhys has done a lot of horrible stuff in this series and I hate how he’s portrayed as this great guy who can do no wrong and how some people will blame his actions on unreliable narration in ACOSF when most of the things I got mad at Rhys about were also in Cassian’s POV. So stop saying it’s character bias when he’s done a lot of things prior to ACOSF. It’s just beyond frustrating at this point

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Oh to be sleepy and crawl into bed with someone who's warm and safe and you know will take care of you in all the right ways

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i can have a lil romantic fantasy today. as a treat

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The cruelty of gods is in their kindness

- Lines I'll never use

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Headcanon: When Eris Vanserra is High Lord of Autumn, his beast form will be a dragon.

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i'm wondering those dirty limericks Tamlin wrote and I want to read those even though I can barely understand poems

This just reminded me of how sweet and funny Tamlin was/can be 🥺 this is a petition for smj to release the limericks

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hc that Eris wakes up earlier than you and makes tea or coffee, has it waiting for you. Gets very warm at night so stretches away eventually but his feet need to be touching yours or your legs

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young Tamlin playing fiddle on a rock and animals and other lesser faeries would flock around him to listen to his music

😍😍😍this image is everything

I imagine him not being smug about it, either. I imagine him blushing with a very modest pride

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Lucien being able to subdue Cassian, the lord of bloodshed, general of the Night Courts armies, one of the most powerful Illyrian's of all time, with just a look. His power! Literally!

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headcanon that Tamlin likes little soft back rubs before he falls asleep and leaves love notes in secret spots for you to find later

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Lucien 👨‍🦰caught🎣 a fish 🐟🐠with his bare 🐻hands 👋 😤A strong💪, slippery🥿, wet💦 fish 🐟🐠🐡right 👉from the river🏞. Can you imagine🤔 the strength🏋️‍♂️ of that grip✏️ around….other things 👀🥺😫

Yes! I bet he’s a great at riding. Good horsemanship requires a firm grip on the reins, and control of the animal without being harsh. So a steady, mindful grip is really important.

I bet he’s also good at swordsmanship. That requires a good grip and knowing when to parry and when to thrust.

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hmmm tamlin in his beast form and you started boop booping his snout

Definitely maybe envision myself curling up with a book and a shapeshifted Tamlin in front of a cozy fire. He could use a nice scratch behind the ear

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anyone who isn’t concerned with lucien’s well-being can lick my foot

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If you say something disrespectful about Lucien I’m on my way to murder you

Watch your back

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Sometimes my heart just breaks thinking about how Eris has probably not allowed himself to get close to anyone or be in love in any capacity (even true affection for his mother and siblings) because of the fear of them being taken from him by Beron.

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PLS ERIS STANS where are the eris fics. Where are the ppl who want to read eris fic