wylde-life

[wylde-life]

Imposter Syndrome Inc

I'm sure you've felt it. That feeling when you feel pretty confident in who you are, what you're doing, what you're talking about. Then suddenly, that feeling drops and you are completely and utterly unsure of yourself. The gut-wrenching feeling that you've been lying to everyone around you and yourself. You're not an expert, you're not as magical or as amazing as everyone thinks that you are, that you thought you could be. But you are, how could you not be? Does praise secure a false sense of ego? Could you really be the most fitting person for this problem, this moment, this situation, this person? No. Yes. No. Yes! It's unclear.

We go through this a lot... How could we possibly be this way? How can we go through life knowing full well that we are a system, a collection of many fleshed and unformed pieces of a person, and still feel like it's surreal like it's all a dream? Cause that's how DID works, right? If you don't need to know, then you don't. . . DID isn't known for the 'acknowledgment'. There isn't a 6 step program to coming to terms with the fact that you're a system. You just kinda fall upon the concept and the rest plays out. You could get all the hints in the world and still not know. I didn't know until someone pointed it out to me. But does that make things real? Does that make things of my past a lie? We've gone through such a journey in over two decades that there are situations we've been in where that alter doesn't exist anymore. Or maybe they do but they were banished to the dungeon or executed for misconduct [can that even happen? Who tf knows...].

My point is that no matter where you are in, what you struggle with, or who you fight against. When it comes to mental health; progress isn't linear, healing isn't lateral, and "getting better" isn't always literal.