xeokai

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And I'm back here again.

It's amazing how time flies, still here to share pieces of my thoughts. Cuz it'd be difficult and dangerous to share with others.

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I guess, being in a relationship isn't meant for me. 😅

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💖

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We took them for granted and now all that's left of them are memories.

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How can one be so scared to do something that he had been wanting for so long?

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Looking back when qtpop told me that I needed to take a leave. I wasn't taken aback by his decision. Not got mad at him nor with my myself. What happened was more of a father comforting her child saying that everything will be alright. He was so reassuring that time, that I just couldn't resist to let my emotions out. His presence during that time was something that I would never forget. Kaya I'm really thankful to have him as a rector. I may have my share.of mischief but it wouldn't surpass my gratefulness towards him.

His face was that of concerned person; while I kept on sharing how I ended up on that part in life.

His expression as not someone who was condemning; it was more of a person who was taking a risk with you. Saying that don't worry, I'll be there with you.

I was ashamed of myself. But when I shared with him my kind of vocation story, he was partly laughing and concerned. But there was no confusion in his face. It was the look of a person telling you, "I know what you're going through."

When he said, "Going with the flow have brought you here. Now it's time for to decide, what YOU really want 5o do with your life." I was reminded of what ma'am cynthia have told me right before I graduated and when I also poured my heart out to her. It were the same words.

It as those words from which I have nothing to say about. All that I could do was cry and cry and cry. Hoping that my tears would wash away the shame that I brought with me.

I wasn't ashamed of crying in front of him (the same with ma'am cynthia & fr.boyet for that matter), it was my first time sharing with him on a more personal note; and not just on the suprfluous level.

It was my heart speaking during those time that we were talking. I was not relying on my brain and making up stories of how to save my ass. It was just my heart pouring her self out. And he was just there, sitting inf front of me with a smile on his face and a concerned look in his eyes.

And it was when I hugged him in the end that I was able to say to myself and to God.

Salamat, pasensya, patawad.

Maraming salamat po.

Nagiisa ka sa aking puso. You would always be home for me.

It was this same feeling that I felt during that time. This waking up, these emotions, these memories. It's really something.

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Here we are again with this kind shit.

Waking up in the middle of the night and having these absurd thoughts haha. Anyway, dday is near. Hopefully I would be able to give my best.

I thought that I've been over this part, I guess we're at it again. Though it's not that disturbing as before. Right now it has more of a soothing effect. One with a warm vibe.

And we'd always appreciate this part of our life. This little part. This part where we realize what to do with our life.

[xeokai]

We're getting there.

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Because you make me feel special. No matter how much the world lets me down.🎵

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Lord! Pasado po siya. Maraming salamat po.

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It just hits you that you don't have anyone with whom you can share your thoughts with.

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Always and forever will be grateful.

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Wherever I am, However I might be, I will always love you.

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No regrets. Only gratitude.

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So ayun nga pakiramdam ko aalis din ako ngayong taon.

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What an overwhelming year indeed.