yhsiwoo

[yhsiwoo]

task #01 — social media a look into siwoo’s instagram!

takes his instagram aesthetics seriously, pretty much regards his feed as a canvas for self-expression 

his instagram functions as a photo journal where he documents his life in pretty pictures and a platform for him to share his art 

does not get personal, the most he has done is post pictures of his family and friends 

started gaining more followers after his art went viral online 

people then realised that he was the brother of june’s soyeon when they saw pictures of her on his instagram and some of soyeon’s fans started following him too 

at first, he wasn’t used to the growth in followers since he used to only have 200-300 followers (yes, he does not have many friends) but he has gotten used to it now and enjoys having a lot of people to share his art with 

his username is inspired by his favourite artist, edvard munch, also the artist behind his favourite painting, the scream 

the instagram story is taken on the day he moved into his new apartment-cum-studio at starlight complex (new neighbours, come say hi!) 

his instagram summed up in three words: art, aesthetics & animals

#( tasks. ) #( socials. ) #yhtask01

[yhsiwoo]

good stuff.

#( visage. ) #the nail polish... he would #also I'm terribly sorry for how slow I've been lately! #I've been really busy with school work and barely had any time to reply messages and threads #but I'll try my best to churn out more replies in the next week! #thank you for being patient with me!!!

[yhsiwoo]

< truth untold / siwoo >

chahyeonyh​:

october second, twenty twenty.  with @yhsiwoo 

a large majority of hyeon’s friends have come from indecent beginnings; clubs, alcohol, drugs, sex. name the sin and hyeon will most likely have made a connection through it. min siwoo is different. he’s always been different – at least to her, siwoo’s untouched. pure. innocent. it’s almost been a decade since they’ve been acquaintances (she wouldn’t call them friends. it’s too personal, makes hyeon feel like she’d be close enough to contaminate him with all her toxicity and anger.) funnily enough, for someone as distant as siwoo, he has been the most stable thing in her life. eight years have passed, even more people have come and gone, but somehow, siwoo and his shy smile’s there.

sometimes, or more specifically, every week, the min family’s dog joins the equation. they’ve settled in a routine; hyeon meets siwoo in a park in the neighbourhood, they walk around in circles, she gets to have a pet for a day and well, siwoo’s company isn’t half bad as well. so, despite the shitshow that is chuseok, one thing hyeon’s grateful for is that she gets to see siwoo around. they’ve shared a few waves, a few friendly smiles and it just makes hyeon feel a little better, to know that at least there is someone who doesn’t view her and her family differently.

because goddamn. the number of dirty looks and hushed whispers she’s gotten in this one day is absolutely ridiculous; she’s used to it, she really is but it can get a little much. “yes, the chas smuggle drugs!” she wants to yell, “but your children buy them from me, asshole.” typical yangcheon and their high horses. yes, she knows that she’s not the only person subject to it – she did hear condescending comments about eunho’s partying habits and his social influencer lifestyle (hyeon had been close to snapping but one look from her parents sent her straight into silence.) even siwoo’s affected – some people talk about how siwoo’s missed out by choosing art over being a vet, what a waste of talent and family name. it’s not a competition but it just makes hyeon feel even worse about associating with siwoo; hyeon’s name is synonymous with gangsters, drugs, clubs, dirty money whilst siwoo’s biggest sin is just going for his passion.

hyeon’s leaving the bathroom when she hears it for herself; this time, she’s there to clean up because eunho had rudely pointed out that she had some obvious stains on her nose. “can’t believe poor siwoo is mixing with that cha hyeon,” they say, “she’s bad news. i heard his parents aren’t happy about it.”

fuck.

the words stick with her. the guilt sinks into her stomach and settles there, an uncomfortable bitter taste left at the back of her tongue. it shouldn’t affect her that much but this is what she fears the most; polluting the good, ruining them, turning them into shells of their former selves. maybe that’s why she finds herself attracted to the messy, the angry, the toxic. maybe they’re right. maybe hyeon should just end whatever it is she has with siwoo right now; save him from her.

as though her thoughts summoned him (and also, most likely because this event is just so fucking small), she bumps into siwoo himself. she much rather run away but he’s quite literally in front of her face. “hey,” she says, giving him a small smile, suddenly glad that she managed to wipe the spot before he saw them. somehow, she doesn’t want sweet siwoo to see her coked-up. it’s weird, hyeon thinks, why does she even care about what min siwoo thinks of her when he’s quite literally seen her with blood in her hands and tears streaked down her face? still, she doesn’t really want to dwell upon these peculiar feelings – hyeon’s never been one to dissect and analyse reasons for her behaviour, choosing to just shove them all under a big umbrella category of anger.

seeing his face reminds her once again of the words said, that siwoo should do better. maybe this is the perfect time to end their… acquaintanceship (hyeon’s good at doing that. pushing people away.) “so, i don’t think your dog likes me very much,” she comments, hoping he’ll take the hint.  

they say you can tell a person’s character from the way a dog acts around them. if you find the dog barking ferociously at them, they might not be the nicest person around and likewise, if the dog seems fond of them, chances are, it likes the energy it gathers from them. of course, these are just hearsay that have yet to be proven but siwoo won’t deny that a small part of him believes in it. there’s got to be a reason why the min family’s furry friend only barks at their judgemental aunts when they come to visit, or why it only growls when they pass rowdy hooligans outside the hill, but mostly, there’s got to be a reason why it seems to adore hyeon so much, just like he does. 

he’s heard, he’s heard all the things people say about her. he doesn’t need them to tell him those things for him to know. after all, he’s sure he knows her better than they ever will. he doesn’t think of her the way they paint her to be, not even close. sure, she deals drugs, probably isn’t the most law-abiding citizen around but she’s not a bad person. in fact, he might even argue that she’s the opposite, that there is good in her, a good so hidden that others don’t see, but if you look deep enough, the way that he does, there’s no way you can miss it. 

the smile on her face during their weekly walks with his dog, minnie, he doesn’t think he’s seen it anywhere else. or the side to her that unconsciously peeks out during those nights, when no one else was around them, when they were all alone, in the comfort of each others’ company. she doesn’t look as guarded during those nights, her forehead wasn’t as creased, her eyebrows weren’t as furrowed, and her lips, they weren’t pressed into a tight frown, like they usually are. instead, she had on that smile, that smile that leaves him both nervous and mesmerised, the smile that he can’t seem to forget. it was a pretty smile.

he’s lucky he got to see hints of that smile every time their eyes meet around the event, along with the small waves they exchange when they catch a glimpse of each other across the room. he can’t help but notice his gaze wandering towards her whenever she was in the area, unconsciously looking out for her and hoping their eyes would find their way to each other again. 

and they did. his face lights up when he finds her right before him, his smile growing a little too wide for someone who had just bumped into a friend, if he could even call her that. “hi.” he whispers, the guileless beam on his face nowhere near faltering. should he suggest they grab a drink and sit somewhere outside, away from the noise and everyone else? or should he play it cool and go back to whatever boring thing he was doing before — boring now only because spending time with her seemed a lot more fun. he was about to muster up some courage and suggest the former, when she interjects with a comment so random it rendered him confused.

“minnie?” he questions, stupefied by the statement that came out of nowhere. “why would you think that all of a sudden?” it has been years since they’ve made it a weekly routine to go on walks with minnie and she, of all people, would know how much his dog adores her. genuine concern washes out the confusion in his eyes and he scans her worriedly, coming down to the only plausible reason behind her sudden deduction. “you’re not drunk, are you?”

#( threads. ) #( truth untold / cha hyeon. ) #yhchuseok #chahyeonyh

[yhsiwoo]

yhseojun​:

chuseok, 2020

[ sms • ssssupremincy ]

⤷ ㅋㅋㅋ, are you guys hearing this? trying so hard to not to laugh in my japchae.

⤷ one aunty is trying to set me up with someone. appa is so tired. ㅠ

[ text › ssssupremincy ] ›  is that the same aunty that won’t stop harping on how I’m wasting my life away doing art... ›  by “someone” does she mean her own daughter 🥴 ›  if so I disapprove!!! ›  I don’t wanna be in laws with her 😤 

recipients: @yhsohee @yhsoyeon @yhseojun

#( texts. ) #yhchuseok #yhsohee #yhsoyeon #yhseojun

[yhsiwoo]

    * // ⟨ CONFUSION OVERLOAD ⟩

yhjiyeon​:

♡ :「 @yhsiwoo 」 | jiyeon is no stranger to stress. in fact, she’s always left with a sense of apprehension and nervousness when life momentarily slows down for her and she’s left free from the emotional tension. the random speckling of facts she’s learned in her classes tell her that her relationship with this tension is by no means healthy, but she’s one who falls into what is familiar, and for her, constant pressure and overwhelming stress what she’s familiar with. 

and jiyeon knows that her method for dealing with stress is not healthy as well. but once again, she’s someone who falls into what is familiar and the her habit of dealing with her problems by drinking is something she hasn’t been able to shake off. one day this will not be the case, but that day has yet to come, so jiyeon finds herself at a party after a very stressful week, yet again. it was a mere days ago that she told herself not to go to this party, especially because the party undermined all the hard work that she and her family put into the chuseok celebration. but having to deal with the overbearing eyes of her parents and their controlling nature, sue her for needing a reprieve.  

it’s unbearably hot. a mixture of all the bodies that were shoved in the house and the alcohol warming her up; two factors that always lead jiyeon to make bad decisions. like the one she’s making right now, standing on top of the table. pulling her shirt and skirt off and with the grace of day old chick (another analogy that means with no grace at all), flinging it to who knows where. she’ll go searching for those articles of clothing later. all she can focus on is the sweet relief that the breeze has now that it’s brushing against her bare skin. that, and also the overwhelming feeling of wanting to take a swim. 

she’s a mess, and she mumbles to herself as she tries to climb off the table. tomorrow she’ll try to clean up her act. but for tonight, there’s a pool that’s calling her name. 

loud music, drunk people; not his usual scene, yet for some strange reason, it felt like he was in his natural habitat. no, it wasn’t the awful edm booming from the stereo speakers, nor was it the sight of his drunk friends busting it out on the makeshift dance floor by the poolside. it wasn’t even the alcohol (why is he still so painfully sober after all that drinking?), but it was how he did not fit into the picture; how he felt like an audience watching a sitcom; how the noise hollowed in his ears as he felt like he was anywhere but there. 

with a mind so noisy and a personality so quiet, siwoo’s gotten used to living a life of contradiction, where tranquility and chaos go hand-in-hand, like inseparable twins bounded to each other. he’s like a deaf man in a noisy room, a blind man staring straight into the sun and a mute man with a mind full of unspoken words. he enjoys it, the contrast and irony, but mostly, he enjoys the feeling of detachment, to watch the world whizz by him as he floats above it all in his safe little bubble. 

he calls it “people watching”, the thing he likes to do whenever he finds himself in a situation like this. humans are an interesting specie, it’s why his art revolves around them anyway. and what better time to people watch than now, when he is in a room filled with people too intoxicated to notice the world around them? his gaze bounces from person to person, dancer to drinker, barely a soul interesting enough to withhold his attention. not that he could blame them, there’s only so much you can do when you’re dead drunk. 

or so he thought, until his gaze lands on a girl pulling her shirt over her head, on a table right smack in the middle of the room. he did a double take, in disbelief of what he was seeing. was she drunk? no, was he drunk? was this all just a part of his own imagination? why was he even imagining something like that? gosh, the alcohol must be finally getting to him. he tries to shake it off, to diminish the visual that felt too impure to even think about, willing his eyes away from what he was convinced was just a mere hallucination. 

but it doesn’t stop, her hands reaching down to tug at her skirt which inches lower with every tug. hold up. he jolts up in his seat, looking around to see if he was the only one seeing this and judging by the good mix of amusement and horror on the faces of the people nearby, he confirms that it’s very much real and happening right then. he’s all for doing whatever the heck you want but he’s not sure if this is what she really wanted, considering her obvious state of inebriation. he noticed people starting to whip out their phones, pointing them at her, laughter ringing about the room as she hops off the table, headed straight for the pool. oh no. someone should stop her. why is no one stopping her? no, why is he walking towards her?!

“hey, um, miss?” miss, really? “I think you’re drunk.” obviously, you dumbass. “we should probably get you some water, and uh, clothes.” 

#( threads. ) #( confusion overload / jiyeon. ) #yhjiyeon #yhchuseok #sorry this got so unnecessarily long #you know you don't have to match!

[yhsiwoo]

taeyong for elle

#( visage. )

[yhsiwoo]

— riposte.

@yhjunghwa chuseok, 2020.

siwoo doesn’t like chuseok. it’s suffocating, to be in a hanbok all day, but mostly, it’s suffocating to be around all these adults who think they have a right to dictate his life. what a pity, you should’ve continued your studies in veterinary medicine, you would become the first vet in the family! are you sure it’s worth it to give that up just for this... phase? he gets this every year, without fail, relatives, family friends, neighbours, all these people that judge him for his career switch, from something they deemed more appropriate and a better measure of success, especially for a min, to something they were convinced was doomed for failure. art isn’t a career, they said. you got lucky, but it will not stay that way forever, they said.

he’s tired of listening to them, not because he actually values their opinions, well he used to, a long time ago, he’s just tired of holding in the words he never had the courage to spew back. at this point, he’s gotten used to their biting comments and it doesn’t get to him as much as it used to before. he had doubted himself a lot because of what they said, and he wondered if he was making the wrong decision and bringing shame to the family. he knew he was the only one pursuing a less conventional career out of his siblings, sohee and seojun are great at what they do in the medical field, much to his parents’ delight and well, no one gives soyeon any shit for her idol career. after all, her face is everywhere, and that fits into their definition of success. all of these are things he can’t deny, because he knows it carries bouts of the truth; they’re all factors he considered before taking this leap of faith, things he mulled over for days, weeks, and even months, because he was afraid he’ll end up regretting it.

and so, the only response he could muster was a smile, a fake one, no doubt, an awkwardly fake one, because he’s terrible at faking anything, but he tries, for his parents, because it would be rude to straight up tell them to shut the fuck up and leave him alone, though he’s probably imagined doing that a hundred times now. he only came here for the confections, not to get bombarded by these women who do nothing but brag about their children and compare them to each other. he nibbles silently on his hangwa, mentally blaming himself for walking into this tent and landing himself in this dreadful situation. he sank deeper into self-reproach, not even realising that he wasn’t alone amongst the horde of judgemental aunties, and it was only until she spoke up, from a corner of the tent he hasn’t even glanced at, did he realise he had company. 

her words pierced through the chatter in the tent, snapping him out of his mental ordeal. he searches the room to identify the source of the voice, his eyes widening when he meets the eyes of his long time neighbour. he was surprised, not only at her sudden appearance that he hadn’t noticed before, but mostly, at what she had said. it sounded awfully familiar, like they words that were stored somewhere deep in his mind. he could’ve sworn he’s heard them somewhere, many times before, to the point it sparks off something in him when they reached his ears. “junghwa?” the question leaves his lips before he could process his thoughts, all the women in the tent turning to face the source of the unwanted opinion.

#( threads. ) #( riposte / junghwa. ) #yhchuseok #sorry this is so late! let me know if I should change anything #this got longer than I had intended it to be so please don't worry about matching!

[yhsiwoo]

— daggers at dinner.

@yhhideyo chuseok, 2020. 

if there’s one thing siwoo is tired of, it would be the adults forcefully putting him with people they think he could befriend, out of “concern” that he “doesn’t have many friends”. he appreciates the sentiment, kinda? but anyone with an introverted streak would know how exhausting it is to force themselves through a conversation neither parties want a part of and it doesn’t help that siwoo’s already tragically bad at keeping up small talk. it especially doesn’t help that today’s “friend” in question wasn’t someone he had much in common with, besides the fact that they were both artists, with very different art styles, mind you, and well, unfortunately, the same type in girls.

hideyo is also an artist, I’m sure the both of you will get along so well! 

and that was how he ended up seated next to hideyo at dinner, a heavy silence engulfing the pair as they focus on their food, anything but the other. 

siwoo doesn’t like him very much. but then again, he doesn’t know him at all, so, it would be unfair to come down to that conclusion just because he was supposedly dating his ex. ok, that wasn’t the only reason, siwoo acknowledges that he was projecting his bitterness on him, because sujin was never as open about her relationship with him, as she was about her rumoured relationship with hideyo, and siwoo finds it unfair, because he was the one that was by her side during her tough times, when she was still a nobody. but the moment she found out that she was debuting, she left him in the ditch and now, she’s openly flirting with some fanart artist. he knows, none of this is hideyo’s fault, he knows, but siwoo isn’t the most objective when it comes to feelings and he hardly ever listens to the mess that is his mind, much less its constant reminder that he shouldn’t take it out on an innocent party.

he’s had to fake countless laughs and painfully forced smiles throughout the day — he usually doesn’t try, but chuseok is an exception, only because his parents are constantly watching him — leaving him completely drained out by dinner. he doesn’t think he can fake another smile, especially not for hideyo, who didn’t seem very excited to be seated next to him either. he contemplates if he should at least say something, with his mother obviously glaring at him from the other end of the table, and he huffs, mustering up the most neutral and civil thing he could gather after much internal struggle with his uncooperative mind. 

“hi. I’m siwoo.”

#( threads. ) #( daggers at dinner / hideyo. ) #yhchuseok #sorry this took awhile! I hope it's ok otherwise you can let me know what I should change!

[yhsiwoo]

— a taste of home.

@yhsoyeon winter, 2014.

for someone whose mind holds the most complicated and intricate of thoughts, a walking labyrinth and a human embodiment of tangled webs, siwoo loves the simple things in life. he loves the rain, the sound and the smell of it; he loves the feeling of his dog flushed against his feet, the way her fur warms his ankles like it does to his heart, but mostly, he loves meals with his sister, even if it’s just a simple bowl of cup noodles at the convenience store near bd entertainment. quite frankly, he’d be satisfied eating leftover crumbs if it meant he got to eat with his sister who hasn’t been home for some time now.

it might be a little unsettling to see the min siblings huddled over their bowls of cup noodles at a convenience store; they never ate like that back at home, they never had to. nutritious and scrumptious dishes filled the min family’s dinner table and they always ate good, no matter how busy their parents got. perhaps, that is why he found his heart aching at the sight of his sister’s weight loss, or the mention of her company’s strict diet rules. it angered him, as much as it worried him and if he could, he would spend the whole night stuffing her with food, not wanting to see her starve herself for another second. 

but he doesn’t tell her that, instead, his fingers worked on peeling her an egg, gaze darting between the egg and his sister’s tired eyes, nodding as she fills him in on her life as a trainee. it has been awhile since she started training at bd entertainment but he still hasn’t gotten used to life without her around. he misses her terribly, her absence at home too big a void to fill, but the idea of her pursuing what she loves was heartening enough and he’d give her all the support that she needs. you’d think that a boy his age wouldn’t be this overly attached to his younger sister but siwoo isn’t even embarrassed about how often he shows up at her company, in hopes to have a meal with her. one, he wants to spend more time with her and he’ll take whatever scraps he can get, and two, he wants to see her eat, like, actually eat. it fills him with joy to see her slurp on her noodles or down her banana milk the way she used to when they were kids, just like the good old days.

he peels off the final bit of egg shell and hands the egg to her, a soft smile lacing his lips. “here, eat up.” he pokes a straw into her banana milk, returning his attention back to his own bowl of noodles that were starting to get a little soggy, not that he minds, his attention was never on his food anyway. his attention was not on his food, or the unusual circumstance of their dining location, it was always on his sister, and it’ll remain that way, whether she was just down the hallway, or on his tv screen; she’ll always be his younger sister that he’ll take care of, even if the best that he can give her is a just a bowl of cup noodles. 

#( threads. ) #( a taste of home / soyeon. ) #yhsoyeon

[yhsiwoo]

I never wish to be easily defined. I’d rather float over other people’s minds as something strictly fluid and non-perceivable; more like a transparent, paradoxically iridescent creature rather than an actual person.

Franz Kafka (via musingisms)

#( musings. )

[yhsiwoo]

— matching misfits.

@yhwonjun

life on the hill means one thing: you probably carry with you an emotional baggage of some sorts and naturally, people turn to partying and drinking as their outlets of release. siwoo’s a little different, he doesn’t like to admit this but, nightclubs scare him and he doesn’t drink to drown his sorrows, he actually enjoys dwelling in them. while most friendships on the hill seem to revolve around partying and similar shenanigans, siwoo prefers a cosy night in with a friend, doesn’t matter if they don’t talk much, or at all, he’d appreciate their comforting presence no less. 

wonjun is a friend like that for him. while the other has his fair share of wild nights out, siwoo’s fortunate enough to share his quiet nights in with him. nights like that are spent in wonjun’s studio, while they both work on their individual crafts, share a snack (and in tonight’s case, siwoo’s favourite butter cookies), delve into discussions about the most random things ever, like whether or not snakes get indigestion (p.s. siwoo thinks they do!), with wonjun’s tracks playing softly in the background. it feels nice, nights like this always feel nice because siwoo knows he doesn’t have to be anyone but himself; because wonjun too, feels no need to put on a facade, something most people around them seem awfully good at doing. not siwoo though, he’s terrible at it. lucky for him, he found a friend who is just as bad at pretending to be anything but himself and he won’t deny, it feels a little less scary when you have a comrade to brave the storms with.

siwoo’s curled up in a corner of the room, his oversized hoodie practically engulfing him as he sketches away on his sketchbook. his mind is at ease and he finds the music taking over, every stroke of his pen matching the flow of the beat. and then it hits him, that wonjun has been replaying the same four bars for the past few minutes. he peeks out from his safe little corner to catch a glimpse of his friend, expecting to see him doubled over in frustration, something he’s used to seeing with often he spends time at the studio. he understands though, as a fellow creative, he knows what it’s like to believe your work isn’t good enough and to obsess over it until you think you’ve gotten somewhat close to perfecting it — been there, done that. 

“you ok?” he breaks the silence, stretching his head out to have a better look at his friend. “I think I’ve heard that line like a hundred times now.” he jokes, flashing the other a playful smile. “not that I’m complaining, it actually sounds pretty good." he adds, “for real, I think it might already be stuck in my head now.”

#( threads. ) #( matching misfits / wonjun. ) #yhwonjun #sorry this took so long! let me know if you want me to change anything

[yhsiwoo]

task #01 — social media a look into siwoo’s pinterest!

believe it or not, siwoo spends more time on pinterest than he does on instagram 

most people don’t know about his pinterest account and he’s never publicised it either 

feels embarrassed about how seriously he takes his pinterest boards so he probably would not tell any of his friends about it 

he’s a very visual person so pinterest helps him get a lot of inspiration, especially for his art 

he maximises the various pinterest functions to its fullest potential and is particularly obsessed with creating sections under each board e.g. “coloured” and “monochrome” under his “tattoos” board 

most of his boards are art-related, with the exception of some like the “ac island inspo” board which he created to get inspiration from unique islands on animal crossing for his own island (yes, he takes this very seriously!) 

the “mood” board is essentially a selection of quotes he relates to e.g. “art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable” 

the “gallery inspo” board is created to garner ideas for his next exhibition which he is currently working on 

other boards he has include bedroom decor, cute animals (mostly for inspiration on how to take nice photos of the min family’s dog) and an unlabelled board of random pins he likes but hasn’t found the time to categorise 

does not follow anyone or any boards on pinterest, prefers to create his own 

the only thing he hasn’t done on pinterest is collaborate with other users but he wants to try it though he’s never had a reason to do it

#( tasks. ) #( socials. ) #yhtask01

[yhsiwoo]

downtown baby

yhsujin​:

@yhsiwoo  (  somewhere around 2017  )

at this point she’s lost count of how many times she’s practiced this dance. it’s not even hard, her coach would say, but she keeps on messing up at the same damn part again and again, as if her body refuses to get it right even if she’s had the moves perfectly memorized in her head by now. sorry, i’ll start over. she would say, breathe, get back into her position. shit, sorry. i’ll get it right this time. and then comes another sorry, and another, and by the time she says it again, her coach finally stops her and gives her that same disappointed look she’s had during their last practice.

what’s wrong with you? oh, how she wishes she knows. you’ve been doing this for weeks, and the monthly evaluation is in two days. do you really wanna fail it again? you came at me and begged me to help you practice, but if this is how you’re gonna behave… you’re just wasting my time, sujin. i know you’re tired, but everyone’s tired. everyone’s working hard. if you feel like you don’t wanna do this anymore, you can just tell the management you want to quit. nobody’s got time to deal with your attitude, so get your shit together and get the damn move right. 

out of all the things she could say, the word sorry falls from her lips again, and for the last time that day. she watches as the coach leaves the room, feels the sting of tears in her eyes as she moves to pack her stuffs. the words cut deep into her heart, but she can’t even blame the coach for what she said. she’s right. lately sujin has been off her game, like she’s losing her focus, like she’s not putting her all in everything that she does. it’s not like she’s not trying, she does, she swears she really does, but nothing just seems to go her way these days. maybe she’s losing her passion, but she’s been through so much for her to quit now. how could she go home just to prove her mother right, that she’s nothing but a failure, even in something that she genuinely enjoys?

lately everything feels so annoying to her, and as soon as she’s met with siwoo upon leaving the company building, she couldn’t help but let out a long, exasperated sigh as her eyes watch him come closer. usually she would be happy to see him, although more often than not their meeting would end up with her yelling at him, but this, this is just not the right time for him to be showing up without any prior notice.

“what are you doing here?” is the first thing she says to him, an unamused look on her face. “if you’re looking for soyeon, she’s already left a long time ago.” maybe she could have at least given him a smile, thanks him for even paying her a visit if that’s why he’s here, but she’s not in the mood to be doing all that at the moment. instead she frowns, looks at him as if he’s not the same man who always makes it easy for her to forget about her issues, as if he’s not the same man that holds her and makes her feel less lonely when they’re together. “i told you not to come see me for a while, didn’t i? the company has been giving me shit for sneaking out at nights, and i really don’t need them to see us here. that’s just… you’re just gonna make things worse for me.”

some say love is blind, but to siwoo, love is like tunnel vision — when they become all that you see, the good, the bad and everything else in between. he sees all of her, or at least, that’s what he believes, and every bit of it so captivating, even the barbed bits that only hurt him. she’s been under a lot pressure, she’s tired from all that training, she already has a lot on her mind, he’ll tell himself. well, there are some truths to that, right? but that isn’t all, he starts lying to himself too, telling himself things like, she needs someone to care for her and to be there for her, worst of all, he started to believe the one thing he never should’ve — she needs me. 

siwoo will do anything for sujin. he’s not sure how he has gotten to this point of being a literal doormat for her but he does it all without complains, though there are times he wishes she had more time for him, or at the very least, to try and make time for him. it doesn’t have to be much, just a phone call would do, or a simple meal at a roadside stall near bd entertainment. he’d be satisfied even if all they did was share a roll of kimbap, or a bowl of tteokbokki, before she rushes back for training. he just wanted to see her and that isn’t too much to ask for... right?

apparently not. his eager gaze was met with a look of utter vexation and he tries, with all his might, to not falter, despite how much it hurt to know that she wasn’t as happy to see him, as he was to see her. she probably had a rough day, he tells himself yet again as he closes the distance between them, and that’s exactly why she needs me. ironically, the smile on his face wasn’t an attempt at hiding his true feelings, he was actually that happy to see her, pity she didn’t share his sentiments. 

whatever minuscule strength he was relying on to maintain his cheery demeanour crumbled the moment she asked him what he was doing there. his face fell and his gaze darts to his feet, unsure of how to respond to the hurtful question he was posed. “um,” he swallows, “no, I’m not here for soyeon.” he mutters softly, picking his gaze up from his feet and meeting her eyes once again. how she could look at him that callously was something he never understood but he always manages to come up with a reason to justify her actions, even the ones he knew deep down weren’t justifiable. but he loves her and he should accept all of her, even the bad parts, no, especially the bad parts. right?

“I...” he pauses and hesitates, but figures there was no point lying. maybe she’ll be happy to hear that I missed her, maybe not, but it’s ok. “I just wanted to see you,” he spills, “because I really missed you.” his eyes gazed into hers nervously, unsure of how she would react to his confession. would it only trouble her more, having to deal with him after a long day? or would it be like how he wanted it to be, for his presence to serve as a pick-me-up and energiser, the least he could do for her while she was working hard to achieve her goals? he can only hope it was the latter, even if he already had an inkling that it wasn’t.

it was always difficult for siwoo to ignore his heart and follow his mind — things just do not work that way for him. his mind tells him, she already told you not to visit her for now, but then his heart will argue back, but I miss her and I don’t want to be apart from her, and he does just that, whatever his heart tells him. unfortunately, this is a double-edged sword that he might’ve wielded once again, the moment he decided to visit her, even after she had explicitly told him not to. that means he can’t blame her for her negative reaction, he doesn’t have the right to since he was the one who went against her wishes — he was the one in the wrong. 

“I know... I just thought, maybe we could go for dinner together since you might be hungry after practicing all day.” he explains, picking at his nails ruefully. “I didn’t know it’ll... make things worse for you.” he whispers the last words, feeling each syllable pierce through his heart like a jagged sword. “I’m sorry.” 

#( threads. ) #( downtown baby / sujin. ) #yhsujin #the angst... I'm here for it #also my bad I made it a little longer but don't worry about matching!

[yhsiwoo]

#( musings. )

[yhsiwoo]

in your opinion, what's the best art piece you ever made?

“there’s one that immediately came to mind, though I wouldn’t exactly title it my “best piece of work”, only because I believe my best has yet to come. I just really like the effect this particular piece had on people. it’s a painting of a genderless figure, you can’t tell its gender, or anything else about it, not even its race, age, nothing. it just has a face, an expression on it, one that the public found difficult to decipher. there were many different interpretations of it — some thought the figure looked happy, ecstatic and just plain overjoyed, while some saw it as depressed, desolate and completely miserable. it went viral online and there was a whole debate over this, with people split between the two perspectives, just like the whole thing with the blue and gold dress. there were even some people who couldn’t see a face, just some abstract lines on the figure. 

I consider this one of my better works because I like how it brought about conversation, shedding light on the different perspectives people can have, which is exactly what I love so much about art — the fact that everyone has a different way of seeing things. so yes, I did do it intentionally, because I wanted to see how differently people can interpret things, though that bit about it having no expression wasn’t part of the plan — it was always meant to have a face, looking either happy or sad, but I like that there was a small minority of people who could see neither, which perfectly brings my point across.”

#( meme. ) #( honesty hour. ) #chahyeonyh #thank you for sending one in!

[yhsiwoo]

is there something you’ve always wanted to say to me but never did?

after serin left, there was one thing siwoo pictured over and over again. it wasn’t what he would say to her if he saw her again, but what he would say to her before she left; what he would say if he was given the chance to say goodbye. 

“I’ll miss you. but it’s ok, I’ll be ok. just take care of yourself and live well while you’re there. and if it’s not too much, could I send you letters every once in awhile? you don’t have to reply but if you do, it’ll make me really happy. ” 

he was never mad that she left, he was just hurt that he never got to say goodbye, because it was proof that he did not mean as much to her, as she did to him; that she was ok with leaving without a goodbye. 

but most of all, he wanted to tell her, “don’t forget me.” because he knows he’ll never forget her and he’s not sure how he’ll feel knowing he doesn’t exist in her world anymore. 

#( meme. ) #( honesty hour. ) #yhserin #thank you for sending one in!

[yhsiwoo]

honesty hour: who is the one person you could always confide in?

“soyeon.” he answers without hesitation. while there are some friends he can certainly confide in too, he’s lucky he has a sister that feels like both a friend and a soulmate. sometimes, he’s convinced they would be twins, if they weren’t a whole year apart. “we’re so different yet so similar; we might not want the same things, but the way we feel for the things we want, or the methods we adopt to getting what we want are so similar. we might not have the same opinions, but our thought processes in formulating our opinions aren’t very different. I feel like I’m the closest to her in the family and that could be why I always turn to her, because I don’t have to go the extra mile, to explain myself, or why I feel the way that I do, because she already knows, I can just get to the point and she’ll understand me perfectly, without even trying.”

#( meme. ) #( honesty hour. ) #yhgyuri #thank you for sending one in!