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Day fucking whatever 🙄

Been slacking on the blogging the last little while. Been dealing with some shit, and for anyone who reads this I'm deeply you haven't got to laugh at my pathetic life lately 😂 Shit was fucked for a while, was very close to being homeless, and didn't have a fuckin' clue tf I was gunna do. All is good now though! Werkkin & shit. And I actually have a stable place to live thank heavens! As far as the boy goes that I was always blogging about, yeah well he managed to go a VERY long time with out talking to me. Up until this morning 😂 and that's only because I was black out hammered last night & decided to text him something that would piss him off. Shocker, it worked. He finally replied after fucking weeks. Painnfulllll! Was quite the conversation. Didn't last long, but it was so nice to hear from him, it was some sort of closure. Not sure how, but it made me feel a lot better. But it also has me at the point of wanting his full attention more then ever. The last few weeks not hearing from him has been so hard. Literally almost everything reminds me of him. Or something we did. Like for example; I'm on the bus, to go to work.. and I drive by past fuckibg Arby's. FUCKING ARBYS. Reminds me of this human. Because this ONE time we went through the drive through there & I remember having some serious laughs at the time. Why must the most stupid things make me sad. I realized the public transit I do a lot of thinking, and i have actually cried at the back of the bus about this fuck. I know talking to him is just gunna make it harder. But I can't help it, even though I know what's best for me. BUT on the bright side, I met another guy (off tinder) 😂 but he keeps me laughing every damn day. I'm actually so excited to meet him. I think something good might come out of this. He's spoke hypothetically to me about "meeting parents" and that's never been brought up in a conversation with anyone I've talked to! Makes me wonder lol. Until next time my dudes 😘

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#7 I think...

So I don't remember what day I made my last post. I haven't got around to my blog because Wednesday my old "friend" ;) from sask, came to calgary to see me. We've had previous sexual relations and he was so thirsty for me he literally drove 5 hours haha. We consumed a lot of alcohol and made some pretty amazing memories. Took my mind off the other boy, who by the way hasn't done much talking to me since I unblocked his number. He has stated that he "cares about me, my wellbeing & how I'm doing" witch I think is a load of crap because since that message on Tuesday he has done barely any talking and being with the other guy made forgetting J pretty easy. As for him, I blocked his number again. And made it clear to him I was. I have funny ways of taking my mind of things lol. As I'm writing this I'm on a grey hound to Lethbridge... to go party with my good friend tanner. He's such a gem. He bought my bus ticket and he's gunna take good care of me for the weekend. I'm in for loads of fun. So if I don't blog that's why, I'll be to busy dipping into the sauce 😂 4

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Women who have children are natural 3D printers.

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#4 🌚

So like I said about unblocking his number to wait for a text that probably wasn’t going to happen… well it did. A fucking blank space, he sent me a blank space. Like he wanted to see if my message would deliver. I couldn’t believe it, then he plays it off like it was an accident. But after four days of not speaking… I doubt it lol. But on the bright side, it made me light up! He explained he texted me yesterday. And he wanted to see how I was doing cause he “cares about me”. I guess we’ll see if he wants to speak to me tomorrow. If I don’t get a text. I’ll likely go back to not speaking to him, just to show him I’m not playing these games. Once you know I’m back doesn’t mean you can do these things. Either you’re with me or you’re not, there is no in between. I’m happy as fuck he texted me, but I’m also scared as fuck

5

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#4

Fuck, was weak as fuck today. Last night I woke up just to think about him until it was exhausting to even think about another thought. Kept me up for hours... and every time he came into my head I told my self yet again "you're okay" I managed not to cry. So I'm doing good I guess. After thinking about him for so long last night, it's came to the point of unblocking his number... waiting for him to text me. But I know he won't. I'm setting my self up for more pain. Fuck, every day I feel different about all of this. And to top it off, I'm a fucking lazy piece of shit who has so much motivation in my head. But I'm so disgustingly depressed I can't get out of bed. On the bright side... I didn't get drunk & I could have... so that's good right? Fml. A good day would be fantastic 😞 8

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#happymonday