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I wanna hire an evil advisor so bad. I want to pay some gay-coded little man to creep around my house saying ominous things and smirking to himself and punctuating every sentence with an evil little laugh while I pretend to be totally oblivious. And of course I ignore his evil advice, but I always have an excuse as to why, and he unconvincingly pretends to be okay with it, but later that night I hear him having an absolute meltdown in his room until he comes up with a new evil plan and bursts into a musical number that ends with maniacal laughter which continues for about 10 minutes

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ken dolls of ebay, ranked by ineffable aura of sadness

This Ken is haggard. He has not known the sweet embrace of sleep for a month. He lives off coffee and amphetamines and dreams of the day that he’ll pass out at his desk. 5/sadness, please take a nap. 

This Ken is accepting the sad truth that he peaked at age 15. He knows that it’s no longer 1989 and he is no longer first trumpet. Yet he can’t let go of his glory days- his teased hair, his hot pink tank tops. Will he ever accept the slow march of time? 4/sadness, ‘vintage’ fashion will come back again someday and he’ll be ready. 

This Ken is grappling with intense existential dread. What is the purpose of life? Does anything we do matter? Does my sweater make me look fat? 6/10, lay off the Sartre.

This Ken is anxious, because he’s wondering if anyone has found the bodies yet. nope/10, please seek professional help for your murderous tendencies.

This Ken is about to deliver an emotional and melancholy soliloquy, only to be upstaged by the slightly taller and better-looking Ken beside him. 7/sadness; you are not Prince Hamlet and will never be.

This Ken is already dead inside. infinity/sadness, would sadness again.

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does anyone have that pic of the guy giving another guy head in a vacant lot while the kid does a sick wheelie but also there are some dogs having a threeway and orbs

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Don’t stop believing !

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i walked 2 hours for this (at Castillo Palacio de Peñíscola) https://www.instagram.com/p/B4qRc60o5d8jkp3UqtW8jSVNjab_G8kGZZx3Oc0/?igshid=1manum40uitl6

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Who would you chose for a family baby sitter?

Megan

—Honor roll student

— 2 years babysitting and childcare experience

— 1st chair clarinet player

— Wants to go to college to be a pediatrician

Sandy

—Star high school Athlete

—Plays Volleyball and Basketball

—Recommended by neighbors

—Gold Award Girl Scout

Rasputin

—Claims to be able to heal diseases and predict the future with magic powers.

— Immune to poison and resistant to bullets

— Favorite pastimes include orgies and alcoholism

— Might have sex with your wife

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Tina asking the important questions

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omg

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She’s finally awake

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occupations to consider:

stay-at-home cat mom who takes afternoon naps in the sun and reads a lot

a beekeeper in france that owns lavender fields and makes lavender honey

isolated writer with a fireplace and a big picture window overlooking snowy mountains

widow of a rich man who died of suspicious causes but still left everything to her, villas and vineyards and beach houses and all

mysterious village witch who is rarely ever seen, never seems to age, and is known for curses and helping women in need

crazed maenad following Dionysus to participate in rituals that may or may not include animalistic murder and orgies

remote but beautiful goddess who scorns all men that dare look upon her radiance and hangs out with a lot of nymphs