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( from Lu ) [text] Morning, sunshine!
TEXT : Good morninggg
TEXT : You want pancakes? I made WAY to much batter
TEXT : I’ll likely be napping on my mat at the gym if I smash this whole stack!
@lutezel
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do you think the wolves will ever let you out of their claws?
“I...I just have to pay them back...just a couple more years...”
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ZOYA MATHUR • 23 • YOGA INSTRUCTOR AT RENEGADE & STRIPPER AT THE MAYHEM MAIDENS
Gender: Cis female
Pronouns: She/her
Face Claim: Tara Sutaria
Length of stay in Charming: Eleven years
+ vivacious, kind, reliable
- credulous, irresolute, adrift
How do you feel about the Devil’s Disciples and the Wicked Wolves?
The question gave the young woman pause, of course she new of both, one all be it better than the other but she hadn’t actually thought on it long enough to have an answer at the ready, at least one that wasn’t reactionary. “I feel like they’re not all that different at least from where I stand, no matter what public perception of the devil’s might be. They all use violence and intimidation as a means to an end. At least that’s how I see it, how actually feel about them doesn’t matter to anyone.”
What’s the most important thing to you?
This should’ve been an easier question to answer, yet the answer was harder to find than she would’ve thought, and that was concerning. Her mother that would’ve been the probable answer some time ago she had no one else in the world after all, but even she had up and left her all alone. Of course she mattered to her still, but Zoya knew in her heart that she could never love her mother the way she once had. ��I think my friends, definitely my friends.” Though the smile she usually wore with such ease lacked it’s usual life, unusual for the girl whose very name meant the same.
What are you most scared of?
“Of not being able to overcome my circumstances. Of becoming just like my mother.” The words spilled out far too easily, she’s never been someone who was evasive or someone who knew how to put up a wall and appear stronger than she was. No her face, and most of all her eyes had always betrayed everything she felt, all the strength and lack there of she bared. She couldn’t ever hide behind her words, even if she some how learned how to employ them.
If you could have a million dollars right now, what would you do with it?
If only, how many times had she wished for just that. The number of times she’d stopped herself from wasting away every penny on worthless lottery tickets, stopped herself because that would only bring her one step closer to that hole her mother had fallen into and never been able to dig herself out of. “I would pay off my mother’s debts right away. I’ve never had much luxury to think about anything beyond that. I guess I would want to do back to school, and just figure things out one day at a time from there on.”
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Edward.
How frustrating it was not being able to figure out what happened, all he wanted was to make sure that whoever killed those people, would get what they deserved, but he still had no idea who was the one that did it. It was probably one of the reasons why he worried the most about the ones that he loved. How was he supposed to protect them when he had no idea who was the one that he had to be careful with? He needed to let out his anger, so he went to the gym, he knew that a few punches on the bag, would make him feel better. After a long session of punches, he stopped, and grabbed his towel, he was covered in sweat, “God bless the one that invented punch bags.” @charmingstarter
Last week Zoya had been a little down about having to miss the Masquerade the town was throwing, though it couldn’t be helped. Though as word began to spread about the outcome of the evening she figured she should be glad to have missed it, seeing as she didn’t do particularly well with violence and chaos. She hadn’t known the two individual who were killed all that well, yet she still felt an overwhelming amount of sadness cause no one deserved to have their life ended so abruptly like that, all for what even? It was no surprise that the turn out for her class had been low the first couple of days with so many people likely in shock and grieving, but today there had been more people in attendance than was normal. She liked to think that it was because there was solace to be found in her classes, yoga was after all about finding balance and harmony within your body and athma*. The class had run long which didn’t mind to much, and Zoya was busy cleaning up. She’d rolled up yet another mat and walked two over to where they were stored when she heard the guy speak out loud in passing. Zoya couldn’t help but laugh lightly as she shrugged with an easy smile. “It has its uses I guess, yeah.” Zoya had used a punching bag maybe twice in her lifetime.
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honestly if you’ve been kind to me (even just for once), im 102% sure i will appreciate and remember your goodness forever
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I don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision.
Allen Ginsberg
(via avlexpansea)
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His skin
is a brutally beautiful
handwritten letter
from the sun.
Buddy Wakefield (via herhoneydress)
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Introducing Zoya Mathur !
...
T H E B A S I C S
NAME : Zoya Mathur
AGE : 23 Years Old
BIRTHDATE : October 28th, 1996
OCCUPATION : Yoga Instructor at the Renegade Gym & Exotic Dancer at Mayhem Maidens
OREIENTATION : Heterosexual
MOTHER : Sunaina Mathur
FATHER : Unknown
SIBLINGS : None
PARTNER : None
HEIGHT : 5′5″
EYE COLOR : Chocolate Brown
HAIR COLOR : Dark Brown
RECOGNIZABLE FEATURES : Bright smile, big eyes
TATTOOS : None
B A C K G R O U N D
TW : DRUG ABUSE, CHILD NEGLECT, MENTIONS OF MENTAL HEALTH DISORDERS
It is often said children are a reflection of their parents, shaped and scarred by their handling. Her mother would say Zoya got all the best of her, and Zoya has always prayed it wouldn’t become the worst of her. In the 80s Sunaina Mathur lived the life of a quintessential 70s hippie, living a nomadic life believing in everything and nothing, forever romanticizing and wandering aimlessly. When she was young her indecision and lack of responsibility harmed no one but herself, she was in love with nothing and everything all the time, going wherever her next whim might take her.
Though all that changed when she fell pregnant without the faintest clue from whom, and suddenly she found herself solely responsible for a tiny human, having been cut off and estranged from her own parents for years at that point she had no one to turn to. California just happened to be where she’d ended up around that time and for the first time she found herself having to permanently settling somewhere. Zoya was an extremely well tempered child to her relief, never fussy, and never needing more than she could provide. Everything was okay for a little while, they got by on limited means on her diner paycheck. Though that quiet life was so far removed from the life she led before Zoya, going wherever she wanted, making the best worst decisions, indulging on drugs, alcohol, men, woman, and the more she thought of it the further she began to fall into patterns of depressions and manic episodes.
Her patterns of restlessness and self destruction uprooted their lives in three different towns until they ended up in Charming, by far the smallest town they’d settled in thus far though definitely the easiest to get by in as well. Zoya was twelve by this time and slowly beginning to understand her mother’s quirks and patterns. Before she knew it she was not only looking after herself but her mother as well. Keeping her from making some of her worser decisions and falling back into the same holes as in the past. Zoya didn’t want to move somewhere new again, she didn’t want to have to keep readjusting to new surroundings only to leave when things were finally looking up.
She had nearly as much agency as an adult in their little family unit and she was able to keep them both afloat that way for sometime. Though Zoya never quite resented her mother up until that point, quite the contrary she made herself believe her mothers quirks were endearing. The good days always outweighed the bad, her mother when she was in her highs was so incredibly fun and full of life, most day her childhood was the sort most kids dreamed of ice cream for dinner, random late night adventures, paint parties, gorging on snacks with movies on a school night. All the things that made her mom the coolest among her friends. They did yoga together, binge watched bollywood movies and danced all night, she grew up romanticizing life in the way she saw in those very movies, choosing to see the best in her mother while laughing off the worst.
In high school it was especially easy since Zoya had a social life of her own, between her friends, the dance team, and rigorous gymnastics involvement her schedule was plenty busy. It was so easy for her to believe that her mother had finally settled down as well, she was dating someone for the first time instead of the random hook ups she knew little about, and with his help her mother even took the plunge and opened up her own ‘medical’ cannabis dispensary in town, having always been a bit of an expert in all things marijuana. What she hadn’t known at the time was the loan she had gotten for the business was not from any legal entity but from the local gang whom her boyfriend was a member of, and over time she became loosely involved in some of their drug operations herself.
The whole matter became the first thing her mother well and truly hid from her completely, keeping her away from it all. Having no real interest in weed herself her moms business of growing and selling wasn’t all that interesting to her, and her mother encouraged her to stay away on account that she was a minor and she didn’t want to get in trouble over the fact. Two years later Zoya was graduating from highschool and had gotten a gymnastics scholarship to attend San Jose University a few short hours away. Her plans for what she wanted to do with her future were fluid at the time, as she explored her options and stuck to her love and commitment to gymnastics, any plans she was formulating came to a halting stop when she went home for the summer after her sophomore year to find out her mother was in shambles. Frantic, worried, and using god knows what concoction of substances again.
Things had gone south with the dispensary and she’d closed shop four months prior and was under investigation by local authorities. And if that wasn’t bad enough she also owed the gang upwards of a hundred thousand grand. Her solution? To drop everything and leave, and for Zoya to go with her so she could avoid any fallback of the whole mess. Zoya was confused, and more than a little concerned but refused to entertain any ideas of running from the problem before her mother told her the whole truth, thus learning for the first time about all the money she’d ‘burrowed’ from the wolves and just how much of a mess she’d gotten herself in. Zoya didn’t know what to do but she also didn’t want to run because she knew if they ran then, they’d always be running and her life would forever be derailed.
They argued about this for days as her mother’s paranoia and skittishness grew, then one morning she woke to find the small one bedroom apartment empty, no trace of her mother other than a piss poor note saying little else other than sorry. Zoya was stunned and didn’t know what to do, or where to go from there. She was an adult but suddenly realized how little she actually knew about what meant, when her mother had taught her little to nothing about how to handle your shit. All she knew was she would not do what her mother did, she would never run from her problems but rather do what she needed to do to take care of things.
Her mother’s debt became her debt since she was no where to be found, what else was she supposed to say to them? The first job she found was working at the local gym as a yoga instructor, and another working night shifts at the diner. Even working as a babysitter wherever she had the time off. The online classes she was trying to keep up with had to be dropped, she couldn’t afford the apartment on her own and moved into a shared space. A year went by that way though she was buckling under the stress of it all never able to make substantial enough payments towards the debt and manage her expenses as well, and never wanting to be in the position where she couldn’t carry her own weight in the apartment or even admit to her roommates just how much she was struggling. Finally a couple months ago she hashed out a new arrangement with the wolves. She would start dancing at the Mayhem Maidens and they would keep nearly all her wages earned including tips and cut back on the accumulating interest so she can actually start to make a dent in the debt.
While she still finds herself struggling with the new gig, she’s not bad at it by any stretch. She’s always loved to dance, with her years of gymnastics and yoga she’s more than flexible enough to put on a good show. It’s just everything beyond the stage that gives her pause. All she wants is for this phase of her life to be over so she can go back to figuring out how she actually wants to live her life, and what she wants to do to make her mark on the world. And most of all she knows she doesn’t ever want to wake up one day, and realize her life is turning out to be just like her mother’s.
W A N T E D C O N N E C T I O N S
Best Friend -
Close Friends -
Ex Boyfriend -
Potential Crush -
Parents she babysits for -
Literally anything, just hmu and we can work something out!
@charmingintro
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She dances to the songs in her head, speaks with the rhythm of her heart, and loves from the depths of her soul
dean jackson
VENUS IN LEO
(via astrolocherry)
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