aitadjcrazytimes

[aitadjcrazytimes]

Hey aitadjcrazytimes, how are you doing nowadays?

im ok!

a few things that have happened recently in no particular order: i found The Worst Pizza, I started reading "The King in Yellow" at work, I got bored and decided to read "The Count of Monte Cristo" instead, I dropped a light fixture on myself and found out what getting properly stabbed feels like, I sat on my back porch with a cup of tea and watched a family of ducks in the creek, I wrote a few songs for the EP i've been working on, I landed myself in about $900 of tax debt, and I ate several very good cheeseburgers.

can't complain too much, except for when i can. 🙂

#pk.txt

[aitadjcrazytimes]

i had submissions turned on for your blog and never bother turning them off since u mostly had just stopped posting but every so often i get a notification and i am always like

i do my very best to not use this power for evil. sometimes the evil wins

#pk.txt #still alive! survivin

[aitadjcrazytimes]

I hope Rooster Teeth immediately crumbles and shuts down the moment season 19 drops so the company starts and ends with rvb like a cursed amulet that drains your life force and corrupts your mind

[aitadjcrazytimes]

Okay. Am I the asshole if I call out my roommate's self-centered behavior? I live in a communal space, where everybody except C shares freely. C got a good job through connections and is able to spend freely on themselves, spending little on household items, groceries, etc. They say they're broke every month, but I've seen their takeout containers and amazon boxes, so maybe it's a spending problem. Worst of all, when we are low on food, C just disappears for a few hours and comes back instead of cooking with everyone.

I've told C that they're being selfish and they should start considering other people, but it goes in one ear and out the other. I offered to help budget but they don't listen! They barely spend more than $400 of their $2000 a month on groceries for the house; the rest goes to their lavish lifestyle while the rest of us suffer. I just want them to pay their fair share. AITA for asking them to be fair??

Including some more specific INFO from version 1 of this post (which wasn't postable due to being about emotions rather than actions):

What are these acronyms?

#🙄 #back in my day blatantly fake toxic polycule+roommate situations involved at least one combination sex/bathtime playlist #what is the world coming to these days

[aitadjcrazytimes]

The mouse nightmare is pretty ironic considering your Tom & Jerry pfp

yknow what that might actually be the reason why i didnt even think of that

#pk.txt #lmaooo

[aitadjcrazytimes]

An update on the beta blockers situation: The low level headache I have had since 2009 is gone, but I have been waking up screaming due to vivid nightmares about:

1. a very determined and very clever mouse trying to kill me, culminating in my failing to fall for its trap of "use my car" (it had chewed through my brakes) so it just gave up and started chasing me in a circle, squeaking furiously. i do not know why it wanted to kill me. you'd have to ask the mouse

2. one of my friends fell into a hole that was so deep it went clean through to the other side of the earth and he was shot out of it like a fucking cannon

3. I accidentally made a man out of bread and I was not ready to be a father

#pk.txt #i am so tired #I miss sleeping well but i have never not had a headache before so

[aitadjcrazytimes]

Hi, I saw your tags:

I was wondering. Um. Would you be comfortable sharing what other symptoms you have?

I've had memory problems for years but every time I look them up I just get stuff like alzheimers and car crashes and stuff, which doesnt apply. Idk

I was wondering if this might be me also. I'll talk to a doctor, of course, but. Just wondering what the general vibe is

Sure! Though, be aware, if you Can get evaluated for your symptoms you probably should, at least to make sure it isn't degenerative.

Via-a-vis the ABI (That's Acquired Brain Injury), part of the reason it took so long to diagnose is because

I already have a different diagnosis of cEDS (Classical Ehlers Danlos Syndrome) that explained several of my other symptoms

I have GAD and PTSD due to living in a very abusive and dangerous environment up until about 5 months ago, and

At least two of my family members are autistic, so it was just kind of vaguely assumed that any weirdness regarding my sensory processing and so on was because of that.

So! To summarize (and I put this below a cut because it gets Long).

Chiari Malformation is when you have a defect in the base of your skull that puts pressure on your cerebellum, causing part of it to go into your spinal column. Many people with this condition don't experience any symptoms, but that is not always the case, and even with no symptoms, it does place you at a much higher risk for a brain injury. With a Chiari Malformation, even a mild concussion can cause serious damage.

I have had several concussions, with one of them knocking me out for several minutes when I was very young. So. Here we are.

Regarding treatments for Chiari, most of what can be done is simply treating the symptoms. Unless there is concern about the condition getting worse (more memory loss, paralysis, etc.), patients will likely be referred elsewhere to discuss pain management, because from my understanding, the only effective treatment for Chiari is a decompression surgery, which will remove part of your skull to take pressure off the brain. It's not terribly risky as brain surgeries go, but the best brain surgery is, of course, no brain surgery.

Re my Physical symptoms:

I get headaches very frequently, and often very severely. They have been categorized as migraines in the past, because they come with severe light and sound sensitivity, and they tend to knock me out for hours. That said, they don't meet all the criteria for a migraine, including having no aura to speak of. They are often triggered by strain and jostling my head--by coughing, sneezing, vomiting, jumping, or anything that would cause motion sickness.

I have poor balance. I have found that walking with a cane helps, but physical therapy doesn't do all that much (because it's in my brain and not my muscles).

I also struggle with chronic fatigue. Getting out of bed is a real struggle most days, as is getting anything done outside of simply going to work and then coming home--although I recently went on an antidepressant, which has helped a bit.

Insomnia! I have trouble sleeping. It comes and goes, sometimes I get several days worth of restful sleep, but sometimes I get only a few hours worth of sleep over the course of a week.

Shooting and burning pain in back of skull, neck, spine, shoulders, and chest. Be careful with this one, because this can also be a result of a heart issue. That said, I've had my heart checked out, and that's all good, which is why they checked the brain in the first place.

As for my cognitive symptoms, it's a bit fuzzier, because like I said before, I have PTSD, I have the ABI, I have GAD, several of my family members are somewhere on the autism spectrum, and now my therapist is also having me evaluated for OSDD. So, your mileage may vary. But essentially:

Memory loss. Some of it is retrograde, and I have found that I'll forget significant events and people. Most of it is anterograde, or short term--so, forgetting what a conversation is about while I'm in the middle of a sentence, and either having to improvise and try to make a guess as to what I was talking about, or having to have my conversation partner walk back what we were talking about to explain what we were doing. I have to have a very detailed and elaborate task tracker at work in order to stay on top of things, or I would simply forget it all. I also have the experience of feeling like all of my memories are stories that were told to me. So, I rarely experience a memory as a thing that happened to me, complete with sights and sounds and feelings and sensations and so on, but more like a story that someone told to me once. So, a vague recollection of events and the order in which they happened. This makes it difficult to differentiate between my own memories and stories that other people have told me. It has happened a few times that I have told a story of something that happened to me, only to find out that it actually happened to the person I was talking to instead, and I just got confused.

I'm not sure what to call this one, but I get EXTREMELY easily distracted from processing audio, especially in an environment with more than one thing happening. If I am having a verbal conversation with someone in a restaurant, and someone comes and sits at the table next to us and starts talking, I become almost incapable of conversation. If I'm talking to someone and someone turns on the TV in the next room, I become almost incapable of conversation. If music is playing, I lose track of the conversation. I forget everything I was saying. I won't be able to understand what other people are saying. Spending time in loud, busy, or crowded environments is not that distressing by itself, but I will not be able to hold a conversation.

Aphasia and Verbal Processing. It is incredibly difficult for me to put words together in a way that is coherent. It is significantly easier through writing, because I can look things up and take my time with it. But in vocal conversation, I will frequently have verbal shutdowns where I cannot find a word, and all of my language processing shuts down while I try to comprehend what I was talking about. This often leads to...

Fuzziness/Blurriness. I typically call this "going fuzzy". Generally it involves a verbal shutdown to an extent, where my brain has reached capacity with processing information, and is deciding to simply wipe everything and start over. Think of it like restarting a really old computer. Sometimes it doesn't take too terribly long--a few moments. Sometimes it takes more than half an hour. It depends. This is often accompanied by...

The Buzzing™--It happens for me at the base of the skull, where the injury is. It feels like a tuning fork fused to the inside of my skull. It is completely maddening. My ears ring, and it sounds like a high pitched whining noise. I become very on edge, it's incredibly anxiety inducing, and very overwhelming. I don't know if this is a common symptom you will be able to find under brain injuries, but it's Extremely not fun! I have found that it can be lessened somewhat with massaging the area.

The Voices™: I have heard voices ever since I was a kid. (Schizophrenia has already been ruled out.) Sometimes, it Is an actual auditory hallucination. I recently had an experience where I was grocery shopping and kept flinching because it sounded like someone was shouting my name directly into my ear. Other times, I've heard people whispering or knocking on my walls. These typically occur during or following a stressful situation. HOWEVER, I also experience The Voices™ in my daily life outside of stressful situations. In these situations, it is never auditory, more just a thing that occurs in my own head. I have, in the past, had the experience of talking more or less constantly to one or several distinct people in my head. Nowadays, it feels more like experiencing multiple trains of thought or multiple sets of emotions which feel distinct from "mine". Or feeling like a background voice in my head while someone else does things for me.

Per my therapist, I have recently begun categorizing them as different people to see if that helps. And it does sometimes! And sometimes it does not. It is a process. But that's where I am with that.

There's more to it, but I don't really have the capacity to talk about it much more than I have at the moment.

If you want to see what my experience with this is like... I mean. I did write an entire fanfiction about a character with several of my symptoms recently. You likely won't have the context for what is going on re the character and the situation unless you are into Red vs. Blue, but just in case it helps to see a recounting of it, here:

The Fanfiction That Helped Me Realize I Had Brain Damage™. Have fun!

#ask.txt #also yes i reopened the askbox #im a creature that needs interaction to survive #also. be nice re the fic. i am linking it in case it helps. i am not claiming it to be fine art. #yes it has my rvb blog (made After i wrapped up aitadjcrazytimes) mentioned. if anyone harasses me there i will be very disappointed in you #and probably also close both ask boxes

[aitadjcrazytimes]

#lmao #for anyone who's curious the process went: #send ask to aita official #blog blows up #someone realizes its a chexer fic #i follow them bc they seem cool #i join their rvb server #their encouragement pushes me to finish the Actual Fic i was working on #i expand the fic to be more of a whole au after it comes out much better than expected #the next fic in the au that i work on has to do with a character's brain injury #this leads me to do research into brain injuries #''......huh. this sounds. a lot like the neurological symptoms that my doctors have been saying is just part of my anxiety disorder'' #think on that for a while #go to the ER for unrelated reasons #remember my theory #bring it up to the doctor #Doctor Immediate Concern #doctors orders a ct scan #''eeyup! that there's some atrophying and a chiari malformation! y'ever had a head injury'' #(i had had several) #''well! shit! time to refer you to neurosurgery :) see if we cant do somethin about all that memory loss and severe pain and shit'' #and now we are here #it also lead me to research osddid systems for the first fic #and now my therapist is having me tested for osdd because i did not know that those symptoms were not a thing everyone experiences #so like. thanks for helping me meet friends who could encourage me to engage with the things i like + learn more about myself #^ ^ <3 #im actually not gonna say ''ok last update fr this time'' bc idfk maybe something WOULD be funny to post on here

[aitadjcrazytimes]

hi sorry i know i said im disappearing forever but i just had to say: to the person that said i seem like someone who identified a little too much with evan hansen of dear evan hansen fame in high school. first of all fuck you. second of all your comment gave me acid reflux. third of all fuck you

#pk.txt #how do you just SAY that to a person #it would be kinder to take me out back and put me down like a dog #is it too late for that. #can you do me a favor. can you fucking shoot me bethany. #i will never recover from this. i am deleting my entire life from the internet out of shame. sayonara you weeaboo shits #ok im done for good now i just needed to acknowledge the only comment that actually made me go outside and touch grass

[aitadjcrazytimes]

It's been a good run

But it's time to bring this to a close!

The saga is over, C, T and I are all together. T and I are in the swing of it, C approves as much as it is possible for him to approve of anything, everyone knows about the blog and is chill.

C is back at his rightful place of walking his sister down the aisle.

I'm getting everything I want, and we're all free to make each other miserable until the day we die.

I'm not going to be updating this blog anymore! Nobody else involved with the situation will be submitting any more AITA posts either, because they are either not on tumblr or agreed it would be annoying.

I will say that there is some stuff on here that I've alluded to that isn't necessarily 100% in the spirit of things, so I've included some stuff below the cut for the folks who have caught onto that. I would not suggest reading it if you like how all of this played out and want to keep it that way. I know that's incredibly vague, but I'm not sure how to phrase it without making it weird?

Thank you all for listening and talking to me over the past few days! That's where I'm leaving it!

...

...

...

...Is everyone who wants to keep believing in the disaster polycule gone? Yes? OK!

So, this was fake. I made up the whole thing. TK and C and T and everyone else are fictional characters. Did I lie? Yes. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

Q: All of it? Even the og AITA post? The followup AITA post? The screenshots?

A: All of it.

Q: Wh... Why did you do this...?

A: Well, first this all started as a Red vs Blue fanfic for the ship Chexer (Church/Tex/Tucker)-

It started as a fanfic for Chexer. However, I was already working on a different fanfic for RVB that was totalling about 15k words at this point (+ at least 90k to go), and I knew I would never have the time or energy to write this one. I thought: yknow. this would be really funny as an aita post.

Q: It was a fanfic of a Halo fanfic series.

A: Yep!

So, I submitted Tucker's perspective. I did not expect for it to get more than maybe 100 notes at most. I totally thought someone would call it out right away.

The funny part is, if I'd dedicated all this energy to a fic instead of this blog, I'd probably have about 15-20 thousand words of fic already, but whatever, can't ruin my personal day!

Also, I wanted to see how many people would figure it out/how long it would take for it to become too obvious that this was a fandom thing. I was dropping names and RvB lore since the beginning. A few people did figure it out, and I DMed them in private to let them know.

Q: But why make the blog then?

A: Because I love to lie and be a nuisance to the general populace! <3

It was always my intent to wait until Carolina's perspective got posted (i am honestly still shocked i got away with "Carey/Georgia/West Virginia/Alabama/Miss Louisiana 1988"), let it simmer for about a day, then come clean. Which is what I'm doing now!

The reason I'm coming clean now instead of dragging it out is because I don't want anyone to feel stupid or like they got duped. You're not stupid! You were a part of this story! This was, as one anon said, a creative writing project. It was a collaboration! Thank you so much for helping me!

That said, I'm sorry to anyone that finds this disappointing! I had a blast doing this, but I will not be doing it again. I have gotten my fill. I have had my taste of being an influencer, and now I can go on with my life without ever feeling like I need to start a youtube channel.

Q: How did you keep up with a consistent timeline?

A: I didn't, especially at first. But in my time as a liar who lies about things, I have found that usually people are willing to believe you when you say "yeah, i lied about that".

Q: Wait, what about the thing with your kid?

A: Yeah, I fucked up on this one. In the other fic I was/am writing, Tucker was around 33. So, when I was saying what Junior's age was, I subtracted it from 33 and got 18. It wasn't until I was showing my partner the blog and they said "Wait, he had his kid at 13??????" that I realized I had fucked up. Oops!

Q: Was it really ALL fake?

A: For the most part. I will say that I did actually drop chocolate cake all over my tits that one time and had to shower by myself like a fucking loser. That one was true. I did also get my nails done for the first time ever, which did actually affect my typing. And I am in a band (but so is Tucker, canonically)! There are a few other things as well, but I don't want to list all of them.

Q: DID you ever read homestuck?

A: Nope. And I never will.

Even the title, though I will say that the title I came up with was "Leonard "Alpha Bitch" Church's Decidedly Not Lo-Fi Beats to Get Nasty and Get Clean To: The Movie"

Q: So there was never a combination sex/bathtime playlist?

A: Maybe! But perhaps more accurately: the combination sex/bathtime playlist was inside of you all along. You can make it. There are only three songs on there that are canon to the lore of this blog. Those are No Children by The Mountain Goats, Take It Out On Me by Thousand Foot Krutch, and one unknown song from the album Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV by Coheed and Cambria (Yep, the call was coming from inside the house, I gave Church my music taste). I had intended this to be Wake Up, but it's out of my hands now. The rest is yours to fill in.

Q: What's your main blog, so I can follow you?

A: Hi, this is aitadjcrazytimes. You're not getting that.

Q: Your AO3 handle?

A: Nope, not that either.

You will never find me. And that's the way I want it. You will see me in every blog. Every new follower. Every stranger you meet on the street. You will look into your discord kitten's eyes, and you will absently wonder if he was the one behind aitadjcrazytimes. And you will never know for certain.

Q: But-

A: Let me live on in your memory. The only person who knows both who I am and the fact that I did this is my partner, who is not into RvB or commonly on tumblr. I am not a RvB blog. I am not a writing blog. I am a nobody on the fringes of tumblr society who's been here long enough to know how to remain in the shadows.

And, even if you do manage to find me, against all odds:

No one will ever believe you.

I am closing my askbox. I am also closing my messages. If you have anything to say to Tucker or Me (tumblr user aitadjcrazytimes), you are welcome to do so in the replies or reblogs, but you will not be receiving an answer. I'll keep this blog up for anyone that wants to go through after the fact and do a deep dive or what have you.

Thanks to everyone who made this into the wild ride it was! Live long and get fucked or whatever! Xoxo <3

#final post #if you don't say goodbye then aitadjcrazytimes isnt really gone #they're just not here right now #<-so that was a fucking lie -tk from the future

[aitadjcrazytimes]

I’m so happy for and proud of you all for finally getting y’all’s shit together enough to have a threesome ❤️ Is T going to move in with you guys now that he and C are married?

he needs to wait until his lease runs out at the end of next month but he's moving stuff over and tbh he sleeps here most nights anyways

#ask

[aitadjcrazytimes]

Do y'all have messy threesomes because that seems like something you'd do

thats the plan

#ask #i know c's sister reads this sometimes tho i think shes too busy worrying abt her wedding #so i dont feel too weird saying we're fuckin nasty tonight

[aitadjcrazytimes]

was scrolling through your blog after encountering the aita with commentary and got taken the fuck out by the fact that take it out on me by thousand foot krutch is on the playlist because i do in fact know that song and forgot that other people know that song other than me and the person whose window i heard it through while passing by their dorm in 2011

and now all of tumblr knows my partners like to fuck to it

#ask #on a separate note i told c that its weird he doesnt have a sex playlist for us and he said its bc i think his music taste is shit #which i do #but its the principle of the thing #like why dont IIIIII get a shitty sex playlist

[aitadjcrazytimes]

listen I'm a huge advocate for healthy polyamory. being polyam and also in a very committed but open relationship w one person whom I talk about often leads people to look at me funny when I mention having feelings for/wanting to get involved with someone else, which means I then have to explain that I am polyamourous, and no being polyamourous is not cheating, and no just bc our relationship is open doesn't mean we aren't incredibly devoted to each other and etc etc. and it's kinda exhausting having to explain this all the time while the perception among so many normies is polyamory=cheating/excuses for being an unfaithful slut/etc.

HOWEVER. the idea of being in a kinda functionally polyamourous relationship (insofar as everyone involved knows and is fairly chill w it) but still saying you're monogamous and just chronically cheating on each other is really fucking hilarious. godspeed king 👑

honestly, if we were using the "correct terminology", we're polyamorous and we all have conflict kinks. It's just that no one uses that terminology bc it's sexier not to <3

#ask

[aitadjcrazytimes]

I’m so fucking proud of you!!!!! GET SOME!

we're Vibin!!! we're doin it!!! we're doing all the hard things!!!

#ask #id say bow chicka bow wow but i have been informed i can only make that joke once a season

[aitadjcrazytimes]

What the fuck with these anons I would NOT want to hang with most of them irl they’re soooo boring. You bring out the joint and they’re like “actually that’s bad for your lungs and alters your state of mind….if life isn’t fun without illegal substances than you need therapy. Stop traumatizing the people around you with the smoke.”

HONESTLY im saying like... chill man we're not going to take your healthy communicative happy marriage and force y'all to get a divorce

#ask #same ppl who- sorry i was typing and ''same size vore'' came up as a recommended tag hey what the fuck #anyways same people who are like ''ummmm kink is fine but keep it in the bedroom k? i dont need to see you like that out in public'' #and they're just talking to some alt teen in a dog collar like lol what

[aitadjcrazytimes]

ok so brief summary bc i need to go to work, i'll still be making a Last Post tm later today but just to summarize

c and his sister are indeed talking again, he is back to walking her down the aisle on friday and things are chill there

she told him that t and i are dating now, she did not tell him abt the blog

c texts me saying we needed to talk

i get home, he tells me he knows about t and i dating, we start arguing about how it isn't fair for him to have a problem with my dating t when he MARRIED him w/o checking in with me first (am i actually angry about this? no. but like its the principle of the thing man)

t comes home and hears us yelling, starts to intervene, realizes there isn't a point to it, starts to make mac and cheese, but eventually we get too loud so he tells us both to shut the fuck up and sort it out from separate rooms

the Emotional Vulnerability conversation happens, during which i receive a bowl of mac and cheese reward for being quiet and also so so adult and brave about it

emotional vulnerability conversation on C's end basically consists of: dude, what the fuck, like, i know im a mess, but i thought you were better than that. like. T and I have been trying to kill each other since we were kids but idk. for some reason i thought you were above that, and i mean minus the getting married thing--which i will concede was shitty--i have been trying to be less of an asshole lately (which I, TK, have actually noticed, but i thought it was a result of lack of proximity to T and not an intentional effort) and it feels shitty that i have fucked up the only not toxic relationship i have ever been in by being a dick again

conversation on my end: dude, i know you're a dick, i like you being a dick, i want you to be a dick bc you wouldn't be you otherwise. the getting married thing was shitty but only on principle bc im not actually mad about it. i dont want you to be less of an asshole, i just want you to be an asshole around me specifically. t also. we're assholes together. i would like to be assholes with both of you indefinitely. im not better than that or you bitch

then i told him about the tumblr blog and he was v upset at first but was eventually able to see the humor in it. i showed him a couple posts and he thinks it's funny that ESH is sitting solidly at 69%. he will not be posting on here or on the AITA blog because he thinks that would be annoying (i agree).

i did also bring up the poly thing again and he said he thinks it's more fun to say we're monogamous and just be cheating on each other all the time--which just seems like poly with a cheating kink to me, but whatever man, you do you.

#post #sooo alls well that ends well? i think?