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Amelia Zadro by Eddie New

Insta / @eddieseye

#|| FC

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The moment Josephine departs the tent, she feels herself missing Andy. But she’s still trying to convince herself it’s merely because she’s trained herself to think that only two people in love should have a child.

It’s what her dreams have told her.

Andy’s deep in his sleep. His exhaustion must be getting to him again. She’s concerned because he’s hardly made a sound all night. But it’s very much to her advantage.

It’s early, about twenty minutes till midnight. She found herself impatient and had to leave as soon as she could. She, of course, hiding at the end of the dock until Andrea arrives. The night is serene so it’s rather peaceful waiting. When she hears her name, Josie stands cautiously and smiles, gesturing.

“There’s a nice space beneath the dock, come-” Josie coos quietly. It’s not quiet as nice as Josie said it was. In fact there’s little space of dry land for them to sit on and it’s rather cramped, but it’s private. Someone would need to be within five feet to see them.

Josie is already producing the pouch before Andrea even settles next to her. “They’re meant to look like vitamins that you can take,” Josie states. “These purple-ones are med-x. I snagged empty capsules from the medical tent when Andy was feverish. These foggy-looking ones…they’re Buffout. To help you fight stronger. I diluted them so they’re non-habit forming. You won’t get addicted unless you take two bottles worth in one night, please be cautious. One pill each before you step into the arena and you should be okay. As…as okay as you can be, fighting for your life.”

#Anneia #drugs // #addiction //

[always-here-blog1]

Richard Flanagan, The Narrow Road to the Deep North

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The tent has never been this clean before. Only because Josie kept hearing excuses and grew incredibly antsy. The only two outlets she had was spending time doing whatever Andy wanted her to do, or cleaning. And with this nerves, doing anything with Andy wouldn't go as he wanted; she rather not risk upsetting him, or she might not be able to see Anneia at all.

No matter how much confidence Josie has in Anneia, Josie's not dumb. She knows very well what could happen. Anneia could be gone in a heartbeat. She'd never get the chance to see her again. Or to say goodbye.

Her hands clasp over her mouth when she finally gets free to see Anneia. She'd spent the last few minutes frantically searching for Anneia, and one of the recruits showed her the way. "Oh my god, Drea..." Josie's eyesight blurs slightly but she can't cry. Not when Anneia needs help. She settles by Anneia's side, her hands moving a small, dampened hand towel along Anneia's skin. She figures Anneia would already know why she couldn't show up so she says nothing in regards to an excuse.

A frown marring her features, her hand gently touches the side of Anneia's face. "I brought something," Josie whispers. From being with Andy for so long, she's learned how to be cautious and sneaky. She makes like she's going to clasp Anneia's hands. Instead, she presses three med-x needles against Anneia's palms.

"I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't. But....this should help you. I won't be able to come back but tonight I'll try to sneak away. If you're..."

Alive, but Josie can't say that openly; it hurts far too much to think about nevertheless say.

"Just meet me by the dock. Midnight if you're able to."

#Anneia #drugs tw #drug use tw

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Josie's hands clasp together over her own mouth. That was so much more than she expected; her heart thudding, her blood rushing in result of the pleasure of the kiss. If the attraction wasn't obvious before, it certainly is now.

Her eyes turn to Anneia only to swiftly grow shy and snap away in a heartbeat. The kiss was like flames igniting all across her skin. She wanted more but it's far too risky. Before standing, Josie grips Anneia's hand. She pulls it to her face, savoring the touch then just as much as she had during the kiss.

"Please be safe, Andrea. Please live for me," she whispers. The thoughts of how to approach Marius tomorrow are already invading her mind. There must be someway she can stop this from happening to her beloved Anneia.

"Tomorrow, after you return from the arena I will be waiting. I won't keep you long since Marius will be expecting you back. But.... Just meet me near the medical tent once you are free for the day. I must go."

Josephine's fingers are hesitant to leave Anneia's. But she must get back before things look suspicious to Andy. She lays a kiss upon Anneia's knuckles before returning to the medical tent and sitting quietly by Andy's side. Already Anneia's presence is missed immensely.

“Josie, no please. I can handle this.” The kiss, oh god, her heart. It boils. Her body feeling warm again, alive, almost making her want to fight that much harder just to be able to kiss her again.She can’t help herself, her hands reach up to touch Josephine’s face. noting how her skin is so soft. Anneia’s tongue goes into Josies mouth, realizing just how much she had wanted that for all this time. A quiet moan escaping the spaces between their connected lips before needing to force herself away. “I can’t let you get in trouble more. But god, that felt so good.”

#Anneia

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"No, no you can't- you can't die, Andrea. You can't!" Josephine clutches at Anneia, as if it means that she will disappear if Josie isn't holding onto her.

"No, please. I'll do what I can. Don't give up, okay? Don't give up yet." Josie leans down to put her arms around Andrea. "I can't lose you. I don't know what I'm going to do with you....gone. I can't stand when you get hurt, but being...dead...? Andrea, please don't leave me. You're the only light I have left. It won't ever be the same without you!"

Losing Anneia would be like losing a part of herself. Anneia's been the only person to ever really show her what it means to care for someone else. "I'll save you, I promise," she grips Anneia's face and draws it to her own, kissing her softly.

There’s enough. “I think about 900 people or…could be more now i’m not sure.” She enjoys the touch, melting into it. “It’s not like he can stack higher-ups against me. I’m more so worried that they are going to ware me out. A fight every hour which is 12-13 deaths from sunrise to sunset. I won’t make it…I know I won’t.” Anneia felt so hopeless. She didn’t feel the need to hold back anymore. So she doesn’t. “If I die, I just want you to know how much I care about you. I want my last normal day to be with you, because no matter how shitty Andy treats you, I want you to know that you are loved, and cared for, by me, okay? I know that’s totally inappropriate, especially because your having his baby but it needs to be said. In case.”

#anneia #death mention tw

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"I'd never risk anything," Josie assures. She squeezes Andy's hand affectionately before getting up and walking towards Anneia. She hesitates to go outside but despite that she knows she's safe with Anneia.

Josie had been given something nicer to wear than the slave uniform. It's almost as if she and Anneia have switched, to which she frowns immensely. It's only until they're at the dock does Josie learn the reasoning behind it. The thought alone makes Josie want to cry too.

"We're both okay. Did you expect anything less of Marius? He's..." Josie sighs out, the gesture mellowing out her hatred towards that man. Her fingers brush along Andrea's hair. "Should...should I talk to Andy? They can't have that many fighters to pace against you. There aren't that many people here, are there? There can't be a lot of people! You....you can't die..." She doesn't know what to say or how to help. "There must be something I can do. I'll talk to Andy, okay?"

The nurse nods, “it was a little over 104 when he arrived this morning. I’ve done all that I can for now but him relaxing is helping majority.”

Andy smiles, “I’ll be fine. You focus on the baby. Okay?”

With the worry in her voice, he only smiles more, growing fond of her more than he already had been. He gently touches her cheek, listening to her. Then Anneia comes in, looking broken and actually wearing a slave uniform. Marius has sex with her and got rejected. Brilliant. Everything they discussed went as planned if she gave up.

The nurse wants to protest, but Andy stops her, “she’ll come back I’d she’s in more pain, right darling? Don’t risk our baby.”

Anneia guides Josie towards the dock, away from everyone, in the quiet. Now, Anneia can properly talk to Josie.

“I didn’t know you were hurt. Marius told me you were okay….he lied to me…” Anneia rubs Josephines belly, “are they okay? Are you in pain? Ill find out who did it and make them pay.”

Anneia lays in Josies lap, beginning to cry. “I’m an arena slave now. I fight until I die, Phi.”

#anneia #//<33333 #violence tw #death mention tw

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The inner points of Josephine's eyebrows quirk up in concern. She'd been happy about Andy allowing her to choose the child's name, but that's been washed away with the knowledge of his temperature. She hadn't thought bout it; simply figured Andy was exhausted. He was away most of the day because of his duties.

"103? It was worse?" The concern seeping deeply into the tone of her voice. "Please, don't take this so lightly. There must be something you can do, or give him to make him feel better. A remedy perhaps." She can feel her panic rising from the pit of her stomach. The last time someone, her father more specifically, had a high fever, his body couldn't handle it. Her eyes fill with fear as they turn to Andy, her hand reaching out to grip his. "Can't I start to help you out more? I understand that it isn't my place but -- please? I --"

It's when Anneia comes in does the panic begin to subside. For a few moments, at least. Anneia's words stress her out to a whole new dimension but she manages to rein in those emotions and stay calm on the surface.

"I'm feeling better now," she lies but she hopes how tired her voice sounds is a good enough mask to that lie. She really wants to be a shoulder for Anneia and this tent feels suffocating to her. "May I go? Please, Andy? I'll come straight back here and stay with you afterwards."

“I will, i promise.” He in a way, is resting. He’s always doing something, somewhere, for the camp. Someone always needing him to do something and it didn’t bother him much that he was always busy. Though this right here, felt good.

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#//no omg yours are always perfect! #anneia #panic tw #implied death tw #violence tw #nsfw

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Something tells her not to believe his words about doing better, but she does anyway. Her fingers tighten on his back, in disbelief that he's actually happy about a child. Yet simultaneously she's so relieved.

Josie's thoughts turn back to Anneia and how much she's missing her right now. The kiss popping back into her memory several times. It just felt so good. The thoughts are brief though and are quickly replaced with ways to not let herself get hurt.

"Please don't apologize. It's not your fault for feeling bad," Josie says softly. The tips of her fingers brush along his jawline, "Don't worry about me. I'm okay. You should rest."

She stays quiet for a few moments, her hand moving from Andy's face to resting over her stomach and gazing down lovingly at it. A child. Her first child. "A baby... Andy," her gaze turns back to him. "What do you want to name them?"

Andy is burning with anger. Someone else dare touched what was his? These men are going into dogs, apparently, they can’t keep their damn hands to themselves.  He wraps his arms around her, kissing her forehead gently as he comforts her. “It’s alright, i’m glad you’re okay. I’d defend you until I couldn’t, Josie. Don’t you ever worry about pushing someone away. This is why we should get married,” He tells her, running his fingers along her scalp, “then if men like that touch you, I have grounds to wreck them.” The last part is whispered, of course, but she knows what he means. Andy continues to comfort her, the sentence finally registering, a baby? “Josie, your–” For the first time in a while, Andy feels that lump in his throat. He sucks in air and tries to fight it, “Umm…holy shit.” He smiles, cuddling her more, “Baby, we’re having a baby.” There was no anger that she didn’t tell him sooner, he was just relieved that she was alright. “Yeah, it can. We must watch for any bleeding in case you miscarry due to the trauma. Though, your vitals and blood pressure seem fine, which is a good sign. I’ll keep you here a few hours, just to be sure.” He pulls her closer, as close as he can anyway, “I’m so happy. I’m sorry for being so angry earlier. When I don’t feel good, my temper gets worse. I promise to do better. I promise.”

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Andy's voice startles her, bringing her back into the realization that he'd be here. She would have gone to Anneia if she hadn't have been so wracked with fear that something might have happened to the little life growing in her. The moment she sees Andy's hand moving towards her face, she flinches away instinctively only to breathe out shakily when she registers the soft touch against her face. She apologizes to him weakly, her gaze flickering over to the medic before closing completely.

She doesn't know if she should tell the truth about being with Anneia or not. Before she can decide, her mouth chooses for her, "I was coming to see Andy. But on the way here, someone touched me a-and -- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to step out of line...but it really scared me. His hand was -- I pushed him away before he could --" Josie breathes out in a panic, trying so hard not to cry. The fear that man instilled in her still feels very fresh and it's almost like she can still feel his hand on her. She knows Andy's smart enough to figure out what could have happened so she continues on with her next sentence, "he got angry and hit me. I lost my balance and then he kicked me in the ribs."

While Andy is talking with Marius, the medic begins to question her about what hurts and where, what the man looked like, and because of that she doesn't hear much of the conversation between Andy and Marius. She was in a panic from the moment she got hit so she can't say much towards the man's physical description either. The rest of the inquires are so simple to answer but feel like they go on forever.

It's a struggle but Josie manages to get the bloodstained uniform off. It's obvious something's wrong with  two ribs beneath her breast on the left side. Her body is thin enough for them to protrude slightly and they're twisted oddly in comparison to the other ribs below them. If that's not a dead enough give away to the injury, a bruise has formed around the area. Her arms are crossed protectively over her bared chest, her dark hair long enough to help provide cover over her breasts when the woman's question makes her pause. She flinches when the woman's fingers press against the ribs.

Josie's expression suddenly twists with guilt when she looks over at Andy then back to the woman. "Yes, I am. Can something like this injure the baby?" Immediately her soft voice is turned towards Andy, "I'm sorry. I was trying to think of how and when to tell you but you were sick and I was afraid that you'd get even more upset if I bothered you."

Anneia wasn’t gone long, but long enough for Josie to find herself in trouble. The red head arrives back into the tent, an empty bed stairing back at her. She tilts her head and faces Marius, who is all ready to answer, “She left like 15 minutes ago.”

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#anneia #slavery tw

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Josie watches with curiously the confrontation between Anneia and Marius. If she didn't know any better, she would think Anneia to be the master from the way Marius responded to her command.

She grows quite sleepy from being tucked into Anneia's bed. "I'm okay," she shakes her head, "but I can't thank you enough for caring for me."

When Anneia's on her way out of the tent, Josie watches the redhead all the way to the entrance, almost wanting Anneia to turn around and ask her to come with her. But Josie knows she needs the sleep so she closes her eyes.

Only ten minutes pass before Josie is awake again, feeling nauseous and an ache pounding at her head. If only there was something to take this away. Maybe not being in a tent all the time would help. She manages to convince herself to get some fresh air for the baby's sake and very nervously tugs herself out of bed and out of the tent.

The night air, just being able to stand without rushing from Andy's tent to Anneia's or anywhere else for that matter, does work wonders. The ache soothing away. The nausea not so much but it's bearable. Her delicate fingers clasp over her stomach. "I'll take care of us. I promise," she whispers lovingly to the little life within her stomach.

Josie wasn't expecting to see much of anyone out. She decides on going to look for Anneia even though every step she takes is tentative. She's not usually out like this by herself so it's quite nerve wracking.

It's hard to make out which way is which. She was sure the storage for the food was this way. Or...was it that way? All the tents looks the same! There seem to have been more compared to the last time she'd been out. Is it just her fear welling up that makes it difficult to focus? Now she remembers why she rarely ventures out, except to obtain food. This place scares her.

The moment Josie turns to head back in the direction she came, she feels something moving down her back. It takes moments to register what the sensation is. An unfamiliar hand and a voice trailing after it, but it's difficult to hear what the voice is saying over the deafening sounds of her heart pounding a thousand miles a minute. All she knows is that she reacts instinctively by slapping the hand away and further pushing the man so he would realize to stay away from her.

She feels a sensation bloom across her face, along with it the sound of bones cracking. It's enough to send her nearly flying to the ground. The man leaves her alone after a swift kick to her side. It's enough to finally make her stomach relieve it's contents. At least the nausea starts to fade after that.

Looking down at the dirt beneath her body makes her realizes just how much blood is flowing from her nose. It's pretty obvious it's broken as well from the intense pain. Along with a rib or two. It takes everything she has to stand up without screaming her lungs out from the pain. She completely forgets that Andy is in the medical tent when she manages to stumble into it, already apologizing to the medical team about bleeding everywhere.

#anneia #// I got carried away with length lmao #//poor Josie #// zero luck #blood tw #assault tw #broken bones tw

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Josephine starts to get up only to realize that Andy probably wouldn't care whether she were there or not, unless she's making up for not giving him what he wanted last night. There's probably women in the medical tent with him now, Josie thinks.

"I'm such an idiot, letting myself start to care for him. I have to stop looking at myself like I'm his partner. Because I'm not. I'm just 'inferior.' Plain and simple." With another sigh, Josie lays back down.

"I don't want to see him. He can just suffer on his own." She pulls the blanket up then directly pushes it down in a child-like manner. "I don't want to be here either. Can we go back to your tent?"

“Yeah…sure…go do that.” Anneia sighs, “Everything is done here so…” I’ll be here. She feels the need to say that a million times, like Josephine still doesn’t get it. Andy will eventually kill her, and if Anneia fights him too hard, he’ll easily get her transferred, or crucified. “I hope not.” Anneia can’t lie; she was really hopeful that he won’t. But realistically? Maybe towards the end he would. Andy is a man that always needed confirmation that he was desirable…guess that trait ran in the family. “Be careful.” She says, not looking at her, to stop the sting in her chest.

#Anneia #slavery tw

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I’m used to it

-The saddest thing you can hear someone say.  (via ofespoiriisms)

#|| musings

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She wants to leave him so bad. After these feelings that she's been having lately, longing for him and being distressed at herself for not being comfortable in their intimacy, she wants to leave before it develops into where she won't want to leave his side at all. Having this baby is already making that a ton more difficult. How is she going to support herself and a baby out there in the wasteland? It just doesn't seem nor feel possible.

"I...I'll try," Josie says in regards to not letting him push her around. Even though she says she'll try she already knows she won't. Andy has far too much power over her. Him just flipping the table like he did has her absolutely terrified.

Josie turns in bed to face Anneia. "I should go check up on Andy. Maybe he needs something," her voice almost comes out a whine. After saying this she doesn't get up. Her mind has now returned to thoughts of Andy.

"Do...do you think he'll be going around with other women when I'm pregnant?" Just thinking about that hurts. Josie hates herself for feeling not good enough for him.

Anneia just listens to Josie speak. A little boy? Yeah, that would be nice. She wants to say but the jealousy is too heavy on her tongue. So she just nods. That is one good thing; now Julien won’t be alone. She’s sure Josephine wouldn’t mind Anneia watching them sometimes, being a mother is exhausting. Once the red head is finished cleaning the entire tent, is when Josie addresses her want to tell Andy herself. Anneia wanted to at least be there in case he doesn’t react well. but why wouldn’t he act fine? He’s getting what he wants, that never fails to make him happy. “That’s up to you. But if you need me i’m around.” Anneia really wanted more kids of her own. She weirdly enjoyed pregnancy and bringing kids into the world that she contributed genes to. She knew eventually she would have another one, her baby fever was far too strong and there were a lot of men that would gladly fulfill her request. “Just don’t let him push you around. He might try to use it against you if you try to ever leave him.”

#slavery tw #Anneia

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I am exhausted,” Josie says. She becomes enamored with the sight of Julien and Anneia. Her heart warms a little more as she smiles.

Josie does as she’s told, or tries to. Her eyes close for a few minutes but to no avail. Sleep that she thought she would be getting tonight suddenly seemed as far away as the moon did.

She listens to the sounds of Anneia working at picking the pieces up. She turns onto her side to look at Julien. What a beautiful little boy. Her index finger brushes along his sleeping face before worming it’s way into his tiny palm.

“I hope I have a little boy,” Josie whispers with a giggle. Even if it’s just for a few minutes, her mind is pushed away from thoughts of Andy and that in itself is a huge welcome. “The two of you could be brothers. Neither of you would be lonely.”

When she’s done admiring the charming little sleepy boy, Josie returns to laying on her back. “Anneia? Please don’t confront Andy. I… I don’t want him to know yet, but I want to be the one to tell him.”

This environment wasn’t healthy for Josie. Her body continually producing anxiety hormones weren’t good.

“You will be fine. So will the baby. I’ll talk with him, since I’m a midwife in training, he won’t be extremely mad is you confided in me first. But you need to rest, beautiful. You look exhausted.”

Andy wouldn’t be back for awhile, so she has time to get everything done good Josie and do her own job.

Julien comes into their tent, whimpering, paying no mind to the other woman until he is in Anneias lap. She cradles him.

“What’s wrong baby?” He was tired, that’s all it was. She begins to feed him some comfort milk while rocking back and forth. He grips his ear, eyes closing slowly with the motion. She looks over at Phi, “my tired babies.” Smiling bright as she lays the boot in the bed next to the other woman. She gets close to Josies ear so her whispers could be heard.

“I’ll clean this up and you rest. Even off you can’t go to sleep, laying down will help bring your blood pressure down. Okay?”

#Anneia

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The sudden noise startles Josie enough to cause her to flinch away quickly. Her hand grips her stomach when there are sudden shocks of pain. But Andy is gone before anything else happens.

Nevertheless that does stop her from crying again. The burns are still very raw on her fingers, only upsetting her more. "What's wrong with me?" She mumbles. Before she found out she was pregnant, she didn't want to be around Andy at all. But now that he's been so upset today, it makes her feel worse for not being able to make him feel better.

She's already reaching out to fix the contents spewed all over the floor. The crying has abated by now but she doesn't bother to take a second to wipe her face. It must be cleaned up, otherwise Andy will have more reason to flip out.

Anneia's voice makes Josie cry out, startled. Her nerves have become so fragile in the span of a single day. There's no telling how's she going to be feeling when her emotions start changing even more because of the child.

"No, no, he hasn't yet," she breathes out, shaking in Anneia's arms.

The entirety of her body relaxes when she's laying with Anneia. Just as it had last time, the affection Anneia shares with her makes her feel warm. The pain calms too but that doesn't make Josie feel any less anxious about it. "I'm scared. I'm so scared. Every time he becomes upset, there's a pain near my abdomen. What if it that hurts the baby's development? It'll be my fault because I'm such a coward and Andy will hate me even more."

He patiently waits. It’s hard not to rush her but that wouldn’t make the pain go away any faster. She might hurt herself and that’s not something he needed right now. He exhales a lot, shakes his head, why is he sick today? “Yeah…” He says when Josphine calls for him. He just listens to her struggle, not really worried about if she was okay. Andy grips the cup, taking a huge gulp of it before placing it back next to the bed. “What’s wrong?” He asks, before she can answer he talks over her, “I’m going to spend this entire day in medical. A whole day, wasted.” He is a work-a-holic, to say the least. He hates when he is unable to work, for whatever reason. Especially due to sickness. “Fuck.” He mutters, drinking the rest of it. The milk helped coat his throat, it didn’t feel as raw now. The sunlight barely turning the sky a light blue when he begins to dress himself. “I’ll be in medical.” He mumbles, looking at himself in the mirror, sighing, and turning towards the table, flipping it over and it’s contents hitting the ground. It makes a lot of noise but he’s gone before he’s able to see a reaction. That loud noise woke Anneia. It takes her a few minutes to get dressed, pulling her long red strands into a messy high bun and dressing in a dark grey dress before making her way into Josephines tent. “Don’t touch it.” She instructs, “i’ve got it.”  Anneia grabs Josephine gently by the hands and pulls her in a hug.  “Did he hurt you?” Gods, this poor girl looks exhausted. No new marks, which was a good sign but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t rude.  “Come here.” Anneia pulls Josephine towards the bed,cuddling close to her and covering the both of them in the warm blanket. One arm rests under Josephine’s head, the other is running through her hair to comfort her. “It’ s okay. Relax.” Anneia’s fingers roam from the girls hair, to her arm, petting gently. Anneia kisses her forehead, keeping her lips there as the grip around Josie gets tighter.

#Anneia #implied abuse tw

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Groaning softly, Josie picks herself up and out of the bed. She'd been on the verge of sleep, her body having already settled down. Her hand seeks out the lamp, and just the slightest turns the light on enough to not trip over herself while rubbing at her arm.

She easily finds a mug and makes sure it's clean before heating up milk in a small pan over the fire pit outside.

"Andy?" She calls quietly, setting the mug near the bed. His hand reaches for Andy's face, touching gently his cheek with her thumb stroking gently beneath his eye. Very cautiously she grasps the warm cup with both of her hands. Her bandaged hand gives away, with the grasp. She gasps out softly when some of it burns her fingers. Luckily she had the cup away from Andy, so it dripped onto the floor instead of the bed.

Josie keeps her mouth shut about it, the tips of her fingers wiping away the remaining streaks of hot liquid on the side of the mug before holding it out to him. "Hot milk."

Josie complies with this kiss. The curve of Anneia’s neck becomes familiar to Josie’s fingers during the kiss.

“I will,” whispers Josie. She backs away towards the entrance to the camp. Her hand slides along Anneia’s arm while she moves away, only stopping when her fingers are brushing along Anneia’s. “I will try. Good night, amica.”

She takes her time returning to Andy’s tent, even though his is close to Anneia’s. She’s scared about finding Andy awake and already starts to think up excuses for why she would be out without permission.

Taking the utmost care in entering the tent, Josie tries to not let much light in. More than being scared of Andy, she’s scared of the inky blackness of the tent as she steps carefully towards the bed and cautiously lays down.

#Anneia