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balloontrash · 9 months

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Dead to Me Part 5 (Finale)

A/N: I cant believe this is still getting notes after like 3 years of not updating. I'm feeling inclined to write for other fandoms but I really didn't want to leave this unfinished before I moved on. Especially if people are still reading. This is long overdue, hope you like <3

Summary: Y/n reflects on why the friendship broke in the first place and is ready to finally face the promise she broke.

Warnings: literally one curse

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

---

"No secrets ever. Thats the secret to a successful friendship I'm sure of it," Richie states after a long rant about a magazine article he read. The article was talking about the causes of friendship breakups and Richie was determined to make sure he never had to go through one with Y/n or any of the other losers.

Y/n was listening quietly, occupied with her own homework. Y/n was sitting on the couch while her best friend paced around the room like a teacher giving a lecture. She did catch most of his monologue while briefly turning her attention to her assignment. Every once in a while she'd nod her head in agreement. She failed to notice the end of the rant, so when Richie turned to her expecting agreement, he was shocked to see she wasn't paying attention.

Richie rips the paper out of her hands to Y/n's protest.

"Were you not listening at all?" Richie stares at her, offended. Y/n grabs the paper back out of his hand. "The entire fate of our friendship could depend on this conversation."

"You're being dramatic. I was listening, I just zoned out during the last part," She replied, trying to fix the creasing in the paper caused by Richie's action. Richie sat down next to her on the couch. He grabs her head with both his hands and forces her to look up at him. Y/n blushed slightly as his hands remained cradling her face. His face has turned serious, as if it was really important that she listened to everything he said. Y/n drops her pencil, signaling to him she was listening.

"I don't want us to ever stop being friends, and I hope you feel the same way too." Richie's tone was soft but stern. A pit in her stomach formed when he said the word friends. If that was all he wanted, it was better to hear it now. A part of her wanted to disagree; tell him she wanted to be more than that. That she hoped they could some day drop the friends label. It was the wrong time to say it. In fact, Y/n could never seem to find the right moment to say it. Y/n hesitated before nodding her head in agreement. Richie continued, "That's why I want us to promise that we won't keep secrets from each other. Whatever is going on, you tell me and I'll tell you. We can't hide anything important from each other. I want you to promise."

Y/n's heart started racing. To promise meant she'd need to tell him the one secret that has been weighing on her chest. The one secret that is single handedly keeping their friendship from falling apart. She couldn't tell him, but she also couldn't tell him why she couldn't make the promise. But in that moment with his hands holding her cheeks, staring deep into her eyes, how could she ever deny his request. So she said it.

"No Secrets," Y/n nodded her head slowly, eyes fixed on Richie's, breaking it before it was even made. "I promise."

---

Y/n couldn't shake Richie's voice out of her head from the last time they spoke. "I'm your best friend for fucks sake. Aren't we supposed to tell each other everything? No secrets remember? What the fuck happened to that shit?"

The losers were urging her to make things right, but no one was quite sure how to do it. Both Richie and Y/n were left heartbroken. It was Y/n's fault. She knew it. There was no denying it. She was just so aggravated that day, but nothing justified what came out of her mouth. She didn't mean any of it, but there was no way to explain that to Richie now, especially after seeing his face break in front of him.

Y/n ran. Ran from Richie, ran from her mistake, ran from her feelings. The laughable thing about all of this was, Richie was right that day on that couch. Their friendship broke over a stupid secret, just because Y/n was too scared to face it.

She was back with the losers, discussing Y/n's attempts to talk to Richie at lunch the day prior. Y/n was curled up on the floor with her back resting on the couch. Bev was sitting on the couch above Y/n, her head resting on her hand. The rest of her friends sprawled out around the room. It was almost normal if it wasn't for the quiet that filled the room. It was obvious someone was missing, the exact someone we were trying to get back.

"So he just walked off without letting you talk?" Eddie questioned, pacing around the room. Y/n nods slightly in response.

"How are we going to get them to talk about anything if Richie won't even stay long enough to listen," Stan spoke up. He was seated on an arm chair near the couch. His arms crossed over his chest. If anyone asked him, he was upset with Y/n. He would never say it, but he didn't have to. It was obvious he believed it was Y/n's fault the friend group was disrupted in the first place. If it wasn't for Richie leaving, he would've been fine with her exit. "He's refused to talk to us either"

"E-even if he d-d-oes listen w-what d-does Y/n/n s-s-say?" Bill asks. "I-it's not like i-i-i-it's an easy f-fix."

Y/n sat in silence, listening to her friends debate the situation. Bill was right. There wasn't a lot that could be said that would easily solve the issue. His heart was broken and she assumed it was because of their friendship. From her view point, their friendship was platonic because he wanted it to be. She wasn't ready to give up her feelings to Richie, but that was the reason why it broke. It didn't matter now since there was no friendship to save. She broke their promise.

Y/n was deep in thought and the rest of the losers were starting to notice. Bev's voice broke her thought. She turned to the rest of her friends, all of them waiting in anticipation. Y/n turned to Bev.

"I need to tell him," Y/n said. Bev understood immediately. She stood up "Its a little late but..."

"Okay but Y/n/n why? There's not a guarantee he's going to want to hear it," Mike asked, a look of worry on his face. "Don't break your heart further."

"the only reason I didn't tell him was because I was afraid to break our friendship. I did that anyway. There's nothing to lose," Y/n was still trying to convince herself this was the right thing to do. She wasn't so sure, but it was the only way she could think of. She needed to be honest.

No secrets this time.

---

She wasn't going to wait till school to confront Richie. It was now or never. She left her friend's basement and headed down the familiar route to Richie's house. All the while prepping her speech in her head, trying her best not to imagine how he'd respond. The point was to get him to listen.

Before she knew it, she was in front of his house. Amber's car not present in the driveway, easing Y/n's nerves just slightly. It didn't look like anyone was home actually. She stood at the door for a minute before she knocked.

It took a moment for anyone to answer the door, but when it did, there was Richie shocked to see who was in front of him. His face quickly changed from shock to confusion as his eye brows furrowed.

"Don't close the door," Y/n started, her voice obviously nervous. She looked behind him quickly, scanning the house for anyone else. "Just please listen to me. I need you to listen."

Richie stood silent for a moment, but eventually took a step forward and closed the door behind him. A silent signal to continue. This was a first step, Y/n noticed. Before she could calm down, she noticed Richie's anger. He was so obviously hurt and being in front of him just made it worse.

"I have been listening haven't I?" Richie voice was venomous, but Y/n expected it. "I thought you didn't want anything to do with me? So why do you keep showing up?"

"Because I broke our promise," Y/n spits out. There was no use in arguing, she had to get to the point while he was still listening.

"What?" His voice softened.

"Our promise... No secrets." Richie scoffed at the reminder, but Y/n continued. "I fucked up our friendship because I was too scared to a stupid secret."

Richie didn't dare speak. She had his full attention now. He didn't know what he was going to hear, but part of him still hoped it would be about him.

"I broke the promise as soon as I made it, but I couldn't tell you because I thought it would break us. I broke us anyway. I didn't come here to try to take back what I said, I know I can't," Y/n didn't break eye contact once while she spoke. She needed Richie to know she was serious, in the same way he looked at her when he forced her to swear honesty. "All I can do is tell you what I didn't."

She paused. Richie no longer looked at her with such venom. He was listening, not trying to fight back, not making any snarky comments. Not being the Asshole he usually was. He was listening, almost hopeful. It scared her, not knowing what that hope was for.

The words felt like knives scrapping at the back of her throat. It was suffocating. This was not how she imagined she was going to be confessing her love for her best friend. She lied to Mike, there definitely still was something to lose. Rejection was almost guaranteed and she knew it when she walked to the door. No matter what happened, that would still hit harder than anything that has happened. Richie didn't deserve to be hurt the way she hurt him, but Y/n was ready to face her own heartbreak in order to make it right. As he looked at her eager for something, it was all that she owed him.

"You were my secret."

Her voice was quiet and strangled, but it was clear as day. shivers were sent down Richie's spine. He couldn't believe what he had heard. He was confused, unsure if it meant what he thought it did.

"I loved you, Richie. And I ran and hurt you and I am so so sorry," Tears had began falling from her eyes. She looked away, too scared to face Richie. She wanted to run just like she did before, but she couldn't she wouldn't do that again. "There was no one else. There was no Mike. There was no Bill. There was no jock, no one you ever asked about. There was you and I was so scared if I told you, there wouldn't be. But I lost you anyway and hurt you in the process. I'm not asking you to love me or forgive me or to enter your life again. But the losers, they don't deserve to lose you too. It was my mistake, blame me, don't blame--"

"Do me a favor and be quiet."

Richie's hands were back on the side of Y/n's face. She looked up at him shocked. She was so close to him. His face only inches a part from him. She couldn't read his expression. Pity maybe, condolence. No. It was love.

Richie leaned in to kiss Y/n's tear stained cheeks.

"I broke the promise too."

----

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