batmanisagatewaydrug

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

So I get creampied frequently (in a safe way, I got sterilized 2 years ago, partner and i have had std panels) and I've noticed that no matter how well I clean up afterwards I'm basically leaking all day the next day. Is there any way to combat this or am I doomed to ooze.

hey there anon,

the semen has to go somewhere, so you're likely doomed to ooze unless you do something to remove it faster. the easiest solution I can think of is using internal condoms, so you and your partner still get the sensation of ejaculation happening inside of you but you get to pull the condom + semen out afterwards for easy cleanup and minimal leakage. I don't know how important it is for y'all to be hitting it completely raw though, so if that's a dealbreaker the best I can do is recommend getting a cloth menstrual pad to wear the day after to catch the mess for you without soaking your clothes.

#sex edventures 2024

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Maybe not the thing you want to be known for but a professor (only half jokingly) just mentioned the existence of an up-and-coming academic subfield of literary analysis aptly named "Swiftology" and told us about some renowned literary professor's book on Swift being published soon and well it made me think of your reputation as a Gaylor scholar-

not that out there tbh, professors love using widely-known and easily accessible pop cultural moments as a lens and stepping stone with which to teach broader concepts. like I did a little google on up and coming Swift-themed classes and it's p much what you would expect re: using her music and career to get students thinking about literary analysis, social trends, etc. it's a smart way to get student attention on something they might not otherwise get excited about. when I was an undergrad there was a "Beyoncé class," which was actually a class using the success of Lemonade to trick students at my white-ass university into taking a class on introductory Black feminist studies.

anyway having said that @ any university let me come teach a class on conspiracies using gaylor as a lens please please please please please please please the publicity will be sooooo crazy

#I would have loved to take the beyonce class but unfortunately the professor and I had personal beef :/

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

I am sharing these observations with you because your sex educator work has influenced my views on the whole thing, and I think there might be some of your audience who could benefit from reading it.

I have only recently in my life been engaging with sex relatively frequently and sometimes I just think about how, well, normal the whole thing feels. Like society is like Oh It's This Big Special Thing That Changes Who You Are and everything but it's just. Idk. Fun. It's like playing - a very physical and intimate form of play, but play. It didn't change who I am or anything, it just sort of...fits in there, with the rest of me. I'm sure these are comedically obvious statements, but it was a thing I was thinking about.

it seems obvious but eludes a lot of people, so very much worth saying and sharing!

nothing will make you realize that sex is Just Some Stupid Shit You Can Do more quickly than actually having sex, but the disconnect between that reality and the rather extreme amount of import placed upon sex culturally can really throw people for a loop. it's very uncommon to see sex discussed at Just Some Activity - whether it's idealized or demonized, the attitudes towards it tend to go hard toward one end of the spectrum or the other - so finding out that it is, as you said, just a form of play that's mostly just weird and goofy and stinky and unremarkable can be very jarring and makes a lot of people think they must have missed something important. and then they start having hot takes, which are almost never good.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi so I’m 15 and in a relationship for the first time so I don’t have experience with any of this stuff. My partner and I have been doing sexual stuff for a few months now I just have some questions.

First, I was wondering how we can do sexual things in a way that doesn’t bother other people in the house. Like maybe that’s a dumb question and the answer is just be quiet but idk it’s hard bc my partner is very vocal. Also there’s very few opportunities to do stuff without anyone else home so that’s not rly an option.

Also my parents have been very weird about my relationship with my partner. Making lots of odd comments such as “i wonder if they’re having sex up there” (to my brother who is a *child*) and giving me lots of looks that just kind of make me feel really bad about my relationship. I know that sex is natural but they make me feel really bad about it and I could use some advice on what to do about that

Next, my partner and I are both interested in getting in to kink but I don’t really know how to go about it. I’ve never heard of people getting into that stuff as minors and we don’t want to do anything too crazy especially since we don’t really have access to any supplies.

You’ve definitely talked about this before but could you tell me what kind of protection is best and easiest to use and obtain for f/f sex. School didn’t teach me how to use anything other than a male condom.

Thank you so much. Sorry for asking so many questions

hi anon,

your first question is going to be pretty circumstantial; I don't know what the layout of your house is like or how realistic it is to wait for privacy. the ideal if of course to wait until everyone else is either asleep or out of the house, but I recognize that the former may be difficult if not impossible for someone your age and you've already said the latter is hard to come by. using other noises, like music or TV or white noise, can be helpful, although it's unlikely to prevent your parents from speculating.

to address your second problem most directly, I'm afraid there's no much that I personally can do to rectify that. it is unfortunately very normal for parents to have an anxious, awkward, and difficult time adjusting to their children becoming sexually curious. I think the most crucial thing to remember here is that this has nothing to do with what you're doing being gross or wrong, and most everything to do with how your parents were raised to think about sex. unless they have specific concerns they want to raise with you about sexual safety, their reactions are most likely coming from a place of discomfort that they don't know how to channel appropriately. that's not a shortcoming on your part, but on the people who failed to help them develop a better way of understanding their own feelings about sex - and, yes, on them for how they're handling those feelings now.

I'm unsure exactly what you're interested in exploring, since kink covers a very broad array of activities and "supplies" could mean almost anything, but I would definitely recommend an abundance of caution in your explorations. kink is great, but that doesn't mean it's easy for for everyone. there's a reason that you seldom hear of people your age getting into kink, which is that it generally requires a great deal of practice with navigating partnered intimacy and communication - something that few teenagers have had time to develop the skills for. kink is also something that many people find works best as a communal activity, by finding others to help introduce them around and sharing experience to help safely explore their fantasies; for obvious safety reasons, few kink spaces are looking to admit 15 year olds. by all means, do your research - Evie Lupine's youtube channel is a great place to start, with a backlog of hundreds of videos covering all kinds of kink-related topics - but be careful with how you act on it, and recognize that kink comes with more potential complications and risks than "vanilla" sex that cannot be taken lightly.

if both parties have vulvas and vaginas then you can use dental dams for protection during oral sex, latex or nitrile gloves or finger cots to cover hands/fingers, and external ("male," although there's nothing inherently gendered about them) condoms for any penetrative toys (or cut them down one side to flatten them out and make the aforementioned dental dams).

please don't apologize for asking questions! questions are how you learn and stay safe :)

#sex edventures 2024

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

they really expected us to call Paul Dano the Riddler when he didn't even have a faggy little mask. pathetic.

#edward riddlehands

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

everybody do the wenis!

the wenis is a dance!

everybody is a genius

who knows it in advance

💃🕺💃🕺

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

here she is, everybody: my thots(TM) on Olivia Dade's 2020 romance novel Spoiler Alert, clocking in at a deeply unwell 8470 words, is live for my patreonites. this is a book review for bitches who enjoy multi-hour video essays if there ever was one.

#bookblr #girlbossing (exhausted)

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

because that's not a cumulative count of l the notifications I've received ever (god I wish) it's a count of all the notifications received in the last. 72 hours these screenshots were taken, idk, 10-12 hours apart, so while my total notification count overall can obviously only go up, the number received in the latter 72 hour window was smaller than the previous one.

either that or it's just random numbers each time and tumblr is hoping we won't notice 🧐

inhumane conditions in which to blog tbh you guys have got to be fucking with me

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

@/prismatic-bell is a zionist among other things so please stop reblogging posts that's got xir unneeded commentary on it.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

well okay. egg on my face.

inhumane conditions in which to blog tbh you guys have got to be fucking with me

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Cool blog and cool pronouns answer in the FAQ. as is my practice for such cases I will now be mentally referring to you with it/its whenever you pop up on my dash as that's the set for cool people 👍

okay! you don't need to tell me you can just Do It

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Who is that tired man with the cigarette, he looks like Josh Groban

that's so funny, I love when people are famous white man faceblind. that's Ben Affleck

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

most recently xir zionist tendencies, which have recently reached the point of actively cheering on armed forces violently removing unarmed college students from their campuses.

real tired of prismatic-bell on my dash if I may be totally honest

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

will sending anon hate balance out the surge of attention and new followers?

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

real tired of prismatic-bell on my dash if I may be totally honest

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

if you guys push my stupid ass to 11000 I swear to god I'm never posting anywhere but Patreon ever again

inhumane conditions in which to blog tbh you guys have got to be fucking with me

#not even 24 fucking hours

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

What exactly is going on with Taylor swift? Did she do something wacky or just release a shit album that's so bad it's funny?

okay i have done time as a swiftie and i now watch over those weirdos like im david attenborough so you’ve come to the right place.

ur correct about it being an album so bad its funny. but theres more. im very sorry but this will be long.

so basically since like 2016 she was in an apparently steady and normal long term relationship with a blond man called joe alwyn whose only character trait is knowing how to shut the fuck up (and i love him for that)

then in april 2023 it was announced that they broke up while she was on tour but bc the relationship had been uneventful and boring this whole time, the general vibe from everyone was “huh thats kinda sad, oh well”

i might be mixing up the timeline a little here but a couple weeks later there were some articles about how she’s now dating matty healy from the 1975. people were mostly just like “pfft its just tabloid shit it cant be true” and then at the next 1975 gig, marty pointed into the camera and said “this is for you, you know who you are, i love you” before playing a love song. THEN at the next taylor gig she did the exact same damn thing and the swifties hit the fan.

to make a very long fuckin story short, they dug up a bunch of dirt about how this dude is a nasty little racist misogynist rat and he needs to get away from their poor little innocent billionaire princess. some people get kinda heated about whether these accusations are true and tbh id rather eat glass than get into that shit myself

SO, swifties outnumber us all and raised absolute hell online while taylor brought this guy to all her concerts and let him perform with the opening acts. her publicist released some statements saying taylor knows what her fans are saying and she doesnt give a fuck. but also said they’re not super serious and are just having fun together.

during all this, theres a small group of swifties that have decided to break away and become very pro-marty and essentially pit him against aforementioned blond man joe alwyn. their general narrative is that because joe loves being quiet and doesnt really do Celebrity Things, that must mean he was ashamed of his relationship with taylor. this is where we get the beloved He Lets Her Bejeweled meme

this fannade narrative becomes more relevant in a bit

at some point during this relationship she releases the joe alwyn breakup song You’re Losing Me, which just describes some very standard long term relationship breakdown stuff. they have different life goals and they’re drifting apart and the communication is breaking down. she kinda wants him to do something to save it at the eleventh hour but that wouldnt be realistic. very sad oh well.

theres a small amount of kicking off from the fandom about he’s awful for this but only bc they’re addicted to the idea that their favourite billionaire is the worlds most tragic victim and honestly whats new

and here starts the very fucking weird trend of her publicist releasing statements that are very clearly deliberately backing up the weirdo fan theories. a lot of “taylor and matty are showing up for each other UNLIKE HER LAST RELATIONSHIP and he is proud of her UNLIKE JOE ALWYN” like..alright.

anyway ratty and taylor break up after about a month of publicly dating and she sings some sad songs and cries at her concerts but everyone mostly forgets about the whole thing.

about a month later travis kelce asks her out and they end up dating and the white women of america collectively cream. personally i dont get it because i dont know what sports are and the only travis im familiar with is the tractor from bob the builder but i digress. the 35 year old deadbedroom swifties are going CRAZY. they’re saying these two are gonna get married and have ten kids and global superstar taylor swift can finally achieve the only real success for a woman: marriage and motherhood. because football man is the only Real Man she has been with due to the fact that he is tall and wide and bearded.

its severely tragic and vicarious

once again the focus does not remain on the couple. they’re turning on poor puppydog joe alwyn again. this time he’s evil not only for being “ashamed” of her but also for wasting her time by not marrying and impregnating her, because as we have established, thats the only point to life as a woman. how dare he waste all that time locking her away in the six mansions that she owns.

and her publicist does the same shit as before with the “he supports her and shows up for her UNLIKE JOE” bullshit. all of these people are over 30 and have never experienced a real problem.

this creates a cycle that is honestly kind of concerning, where the fans invent a strange theory, the publicist backs it up, the swifties add to the theory, the publicist back up the new additions, and so on. taylor continues dating travis and they go to each others concerts/games and act like a relatively normal honeymoon phase couple. the narrative has massively broken away from the reality.

so this continues, people hyping up travis and hating joe. at this point i want to note that taylor and her team have spent a lot of years crying about how the nasty misogynistic media only ever cares about her relationship drama and ignores her art because they hate powerful women or something. the irony is that just about every bit of publicity she’s done over the last year+ has been directly linked to whatever breakup or boyfriend she’s going through currently. they’re definitely not hiding that this is the PR direction they’re going with.

so, with the weird fan rumours continuing to reinforce themselves, the swifties become very confident that their imaginations are telling the truth. they stalk joe alwyns social media presence, of which there is very little. but if you go out looking for mess you never come back empty handed. they find that he has been around women. because he is an actor. and some other actors are women. anyway they fully believe this is proof that he cheated, and they launch harassment campaigns against these relatively small actors, who end up having to private their accounts. then the swifties find another woman to harass for being “the other woman”. it goes on.

then the abuse and domestic violence accusations against joe alwyn are created. not from taylor or anyone close to the situation. only from the fans. her PR team have at least stopped reinforcing the fan theories at this point, but the ball is already rolling.

when she announces her new album, the swifties ERUPT with joy that finally she is going to end joe alwyn, the man who im pretty sure has just been chilling in his house this whole time. the harassment of anyone and everyone deemed in any way guilty continues tenfold. they are openly tweeting about finding him in london and physically attacking and/or killing him (he’s not a huge celebrity and is often just hanging around alone with no security team or anything. im sure these threats arent serious but they feel kinda more dangerous when the target essentially just hangs around as a private citizen)

the album promo is pretty much just.. “hey i dated this dude and he made me sooooo sad isnt that interesting, swifties?” over and over again. each new post brings a bigger wave of joe harassment. they’re champing at the bit for taylor to tell them all the many ways he hurt her so dreadfully.

then the album leaks and its all about matty healy, which is very funny on the dismayed swiftie-violence front but also just..terrible in that she used the harassment of joe as an album promo tactic when the album barely mentions him. the only thing she really says about him is that he suffers from depression and it made their relationship difficult.

..and yeah, the album is about how she’s been obsessed with marty for over ten years and she fantasised about him while in her long term relationship, and theres maybe some overlap of the two relationships. the irony. all the “this man hurt me so much!!!”-type lyrics that were released to promote the album were actually about matty, not joe. a lot of the swifties are continuing to double down on hating joe bc they cant accept that the matty relationship even happened. theres a song about how much she hates her fans for hating her relationship with rarty. its called but daddy i love him. its a whole embarrassing mess for everyone involved, including me for typing all this out.

and after all that most of the songs fuckin suck