black--sun

[black--sun]

He’s been staring at his cup, but Ichigo’s eyes flit up at that offer. It’s out of nowhere. Help from Shiro is something he’d already written off. He wants it. Except, as much as he’d like to know the answer, it’s not worth Shiro putting himself in danger. Though he also thinks Shiro would be insulted by his reasoning. Ichigo presses his fingers to his cup, looking into it a moment before glancing up. “Okay.” Because if Shiro’s sure enough of his ability that he’s offering, he’s probably right. Though it’s that probably that stitches Ichigo’s stomach into knots.

He huffs when Shiro doesn’t let his look land, but supposes that’s answer enough. His aggression doesn’t need to find a target, but its distinctly unsatisfying.

There's a long moment where neither of them seem to know what to say, and he thinks it’ll always be that way. He can’t imagine it’ll ever be something they speak of openly. In his mind, his twin was the only person he expected to understand all the choices he’s made. Except Shiro is here, not just some ghost he’s never going to see again, and he’s starting to understand he’s the one that can’t understand the choices Shiro’s making. He opens his mouth, but his words keep changing even before he can speak them and what comes out isn’t what he expects. “I didn’t help you. I’m still not helping you.”

He thought Shiro was coming to help him. It’s so backward, he’s disgusted with himself. And Shiro doesn’t want his help anyway, and wouldn’t admit to needing it even if he did. Ichigo’s thoughts are so deep and he’s gone so far into them, it takes him a moment to realize he’s staring at the table without seeing it, and he looks up. There's no amount of apologizing that can fix what he did, and it feels like an insult to try. He sits back.

That drink Shiro takes seems almost like a toast, and he huffs a breath that might’ve been a snort a lifetime ago. He takes a drink.

He blinks and looks up, but it’s a second before he can speak and then it’s incredulous. “I’m glad you’re alive. What the hell?” He huffs a small exhale, still stunned. “That’s not what I meant, I just meant… they’re better at letting people just be what they are.”

He watches the glass while Ichigo pours it. This whole conversation even feels a little draining for him and he's not the one taking the emotional brunt of it.

He puts a hand out to block the bottle as it slides back to him. It's very generous of Ichigo to forfeit the bottle, even if it is crap whisky.

"Mm." Makes sense, but he can easily see Ichigo getting stuck here and going nowhere, figuratively and literally. "Does anyone know to look for you at this point? Or do they all assume you're as dead as you're supposed to be?" He has no doubt that there's people around who would kill them as soon as they realized who they all were, but he suspects most of those people probably assume they're long gone. "If you move, couldn't you just tell them where to find you at?"

He snorts, "I would never." Which is, of course, bullshit. He lifts his arms to drop his elbows to the table, using one hand to massage at his temples for a moment, huffing out a long sigh through his nose. "I know." It startles him to realize that, while he can't summon sympathy for Ichigo, and sure as hell can't empathize, he is starting to find a little tiny bit of putty for him. "It's not you." Yes it is. "It's not-" no, it's his fault too. None of this would be happening if it weren't for how Ichigo ran away and left him there that night. "You know what I mean."

Grabbing the bottle, he takes a smaller sip this time. "Say what to them? You said they were grown up, don't need babied anymore." But he shrugs, "I don't know what I'd say to them. I can't be what you want me to be. I definitely can't be what they'll want me to be." Ichigo can barely handle Shiro, the girls... "I don't want to hurt them."

#whitemoon #tsp activity check #devils' advocates au #wow that’s kind #I know it gets bad

[black--sun]

Ichigo chews the inside of his lip for a moment. He thinks about this enough, he should have an answer on hand, but the truth is that there’s a lot he doesn’t know. “Not sure. We kept our heads down. After the police turned out to be in on things, we tried to stay away from anyone that would ID us. No doctors. No shelters. If anyone’s still looking, they haven’t found me.” It was different in the beginning. There were people asking around about them, but trying to get information out of street kids that don’t generally trust adults would’ve been about as easy as questioning the local wildlife. Even Ichigo hit an age where he started being looked at with less familiarity and more suspicion. Don’t trust anyone you don’t have to is practically the street mantra, and the first thing a kid learns if they don’t want to end up dead or mugged or other things. 

He doesn’t appreciate Shiro’s practical logic. Ichigo gives him a flat look for a long moment. He knows it’s stupid to stay in the same place so long. He knows he should go. But finding another place where no one is going to check in on him or snoop or find him if they’re still looking is a gamble. The idea makes his guts squirm. “I said I’d do it.” Shiro isn’t even pushing, but it feels like he’s questioning the structural integrity of Ichigo’s entire backbone. 

Does he really need to respond to that? If anything, Ichigo's look gets drier. Shiro never needed a reason to mess with him. But his gaze softens and he looks away to hide it when Shiro says he knows. But that next attempt at a sentence and the direction it seems to be headed has his heart thumping a startled beat in his throat. Shiro can’t finish though, and that uncomfortable spark of hope twists to something more common. He pushes a hand through his hair. It’s too long. Yuzu always fixed it for him, but now she’s got school and other things, and he just knows he’s going to end up getting one of the guys that hang around Renji and Shuhei's place to cut it, and he’s going to end up looking like a porn star, and it’s already hard enough for people to remember that whore isn’t his job title anymore. Does he know what Shiro means? It feels like hearing what he wants to hear, and he doesn’t trust it. Funny that even he isn’t on his list on people he trusts. Its dwindled to two, though Urahara is slowly working his way onto it. 

The protective anger that surfaces doesn’t have boundaries. It goes where it wants, and he stopped trying to restrain it a long time ago. He leans forward. “Not babying them isn’t the same as gutting them with words.” Though his sudden aggression dies down, and he doesn’t know whether to hold onto it or let it go at that next admission. He pushes out a breath. “I don’t know what I want you to be. It doesn’t matter anyway. You were never really the conforming type.” Which is a roundabout way of saying he isn’t going to fight whoever Shiro decides to be now. Or he’ll try not to. “They’re better at this than me. I think they’ll just be happy you’re alive.” That’s how Ichigo tried to be. It just wasn’t true. He wanted his brother back, and it took a long time for him to realize what Shiro meant when he said that couldn’t happen. But Yuzu and Karin have already been through this, they have experience.

He watches the glass while Ichigo pours it. This whole conversation even feels a little draining for him and he's not the one taking the emotional brunt of it.

He puts a hand out to block the bottle as it slides back to him. It's very generous of Ichigo to forfeit the bottle, even if it is crap whisky.

"Mm." Makes sense, but he can easily see Ichigo getting stuck here and going nowhere, figuratively and literally. "Does anyone know to look for you at this point? Or do they all assume you're as dead as you're supposed to be?" He has no doubt that there's people around who would kill them as soon as they realized who they all were, but he suspects most of those people probably assume they're long gone. "If you move, couldn't you just tell them where to find you at?"

He snorts, "I would never." Which is, of course, bullshit. He lifts his arms to drop his elbows to the table, using one hand to massage at his temples for a moment, huffing out a long sigh through his nose. "I know." It startles him to realize that, while he can't summon sympathy for Ichigo, and sure as hell can't empathize, he is starting to find a little tiny bit of putty for him. "It's not you." Yes it is. "It's not-" no, it's his fault too. None of this would be happening if it weren't for how Ichigo ran away and left him there that night. "You know what I mean."

Grabbing the bottle, he takes a smaller sip this time. "Say what to them? You said they were grown up, don't need babied anymore." But he shrugs, "I don't know what I'd say to them. I can't be what you want me to be. I definitely can't be what they'll want me to be." Ichigo can barely handle Shiro, the girls... "I don't want to hurt them."

#whitemoon #tsp activity check #devils' advocates au #i rambled a lot kasdj

[black--sun]

He doesn’t answer. It’s impossible to talk to Shiro without feeling like he’s trying to do it with one foot in the past. He doesn’t know where Shiro has his feet, but like he says, trust isn’t a question anymore. Except for his siblings. Realizing that they aren’t a given in that category makes him feel as young and exposed as he was when they first ended up on the street. It has his skin prickling. He’s not someone’s victim waiting to happen. Not even Shiro’s.

He pours his cup and slides the bottle back. “This dump is where Yuzu and Karin will come if something happens. No one’s ever found us here.” Not intentionally. Break-ins happen. That's expected. “I’ll move on, I just don’t know when yet.”

Ichigo’s eyes flick up before he catches the tone and scoffs, sitting back. “Don’t fuck around with me.” Though, that raises the question of whether Urahara even knows Shiro is alive or not. Either way, Ichigo has no plans to tell him anything. Shiro didn’t even want him telling the girls. He clicks his tongue and shifts. “I’m not trying to make it hard.” He’d expected Shiro to be as relieved to see him as he was to see Shiro. He knows better now. Shiro needs his emotional barriers more than he needs Ichigo.

His brows furrow when Shiro talks about the house. He eyes his cup and then takes a long drink. He can’t blame him.

Considering how it’s gone with him, Ichigo is tempted to tell Shiro not to see the girls. Maybe he was right all along. It would kill them to hear what Shiro has to say now. “You’re not going to say this stuff to them, are you?”

"Exactly. So you can stop being paranoid." He doesn't understand what his real death would change for Ichigo anyway. He spent the last however long under the assumption that Shiro was dead, and even since finding out that he's not, Shiro still hasn't been around much. What difference would it honestly make in Ichigo's life if Shiro did die for real.

The way Ichigo looks back at him has him studying Ichigo, trying to figure out the play here. But if this was for anything nefarious, Ichigo wouldn't have picked somewhere that was so obviously likely to make Shiro uncomfortable. And, he reminds himself again, Ichigo couldn't hurt him, or plan to have him hurt, even if he wanted. Ichigo doesn't have the spine for that, at least towards his long lost, beloved twin brother.

A brow arches dryly. "Seems like common courtesy to say you mean where you live when I ask if you know a place." He dismissed Ichigo after a second of eye contact and let's his attention finish sweeping the space. There isn't much to see. He doesn't bother taking his shoes off while he walks towards what passes for a kitchen. "I assumed that's what you meant." Going out. Or not out, but to some hole in the wall established, like the diner. He opens a cupboard, shuts it again without really looking at the contents, and turns to Ichigo. "I'm not trying to piss you off." It's not an apology and admission of guilt or an expression of feeling bad in anyway, but a matter of fact statement. "What do you have?" He sits down at the table, pushing his hood back and dropping an elbow to the surface so he can prop his chin in his hand. "I assume you wanted to talk or something."

#whitemoon #tsp activity check #devils' advocates au

[black--sun]

Ichigo watches that muscle in Shiro’s jaw tick. He stands there, weight shifting. He thought Shiro would shoot through the door like Ichigo had tried to kidnap him. He wavers when that doesn’t happen and when Shiro ignores the open path Ichigo made.

His eyes still don’t drop, but he thinks they should. An ocean of guilt comes dropping down with the reminder and he doesn’t know if he’ll ever surface from it. He pushes out a tight breath, like a small hemorrhage of air under all that pressure. “You don’t have to trust me. Maybe you shouldn’t.” It doesn’t change anything. Not on Ichigo’s end. He hates it, but it won’t alter how committed he is.

He falters again, then shuts the door. Someone will wander through it eventually if it’s left open. That’s a given here.

The question settles badly. “No.” It’s not an explanation. He doesn’t plan to explain. Ichigo comes closer as Shiro reaches across the table. He leans against the counter. He’s not something that wants to be kept anymore. He's not someone’s kid anymore. He’s not a pet either. He needs to be able to run. He turns the question around instead. “Why don’t you? You always liked Urahara.” Ichigo did too. He thinks the guy actually plans to help, but Urahara doesn’t tell him everything, and Ichigo is too aware of that fact.

Ichigo finally turns and pulls down a glass when Shiro starts drinking. One bottle, one glass seems a good ratio, and there's enough in the bottle he thinks they could both get halfway to blacking out. He holds out a hand once Shiro takes that drink.

"Exactly. So you can stop being paranoid." He doesn't understand what his real death would change for Ichigo anyway. He spent the last however long under the assumption that Shiro was dead, and even since finding out that he's not, Shiro still hasn't been around much. What difference would it honestly make in Ichigo's life if Shiro did die for real.

The way Ichigo looks back at him has him studying Ichigo, trying to figure out the play here. But if this was for anything nefarious, Ichigo wouldn't have picked somewhere that was so obviously likely to make Shiro uncomfortable. And, he reminds himself again, Ichigo couldn't hurt him, or plan to have him hurt, even if he wanted. Ichigo doesn't have the spine for that, at least towards his long lost, beloved twin brother.

A brow arches dryly. "Seems like common courtesy to say you mean where you live when I ask if you know a place." He dismissed Ichigo after a second of eye contact and let's his attention finish sweeping the space. There isn't much to see. He doesn't bother taking his shoes off while he walks towards what passes for a kitchen. "I assumed that's what you meant." Going out. Or not out, but to some hole in the wall established, like the diner. He opens a cupboard, shuts it again without really looking at the contents, and turns to Ichigo. "I'm not trying to piss you off." It's not an apology and admission of guilt or an expression of feeling bad in anyway, but a matter of fact statement. "What do you have?" He sits down at the table, pushing his hood back and dropping an elbow to the surface so he can prop his chin in his hand. "I assume you wanted to talk or something."

#whitemoon #tsp activity check #devils' advocates au #same I barely notice anyone else do it #so long as I can puzzle it out I’m great #but when I do it it’s like oMG IM AN ADIOT AND NOW EVERYONE KNOWS IT pft

[black--sun]

He’s two seconds from growling his frustration, lost on why Shiro is so convinced he was tricked. He borrows his eyes. “That’s pretty accusatory considering I can’t make you go anywhere. If you didn’t want to be up here, why did you come? It’s not a cage. I didn’t trick you. I said there were places. I picked one. We can go somewhere else. What is it you think I want from you that needs to be done here?”

Shiro’s acting like he’s been lured into a trap, but the lack of a trap should’ve dispelled the accusation. But those next words slice deep enough he can’t find an argument. His eyes widen before tightening again. Now he’s the one that doesn't want to be here. “You think you can’t trust me?” It doesn’t feel like failure. It feels like he took a header off the top of a building and hit concrete. It feels like the end of something. He’s so fucking tired of being at the end of everything. He’s tired of being alone. But never so much that he’d try to con Shiro into sticking around.

He thunks the bottle down, and can’t decide between opening the door, so Shiro can walk back out it or so he can. Shiro has about as much warmth for him as a knife between the ribs. Trying to reach him is like running into a wall head first then getting up to do it again.

Ichigo swallows back his revulsion and opens the door. Because he has to. There’s nothing else to try. It’s clear the trap Shiro sees is more him, not the room. His gaze want to go to the floor, but he doesn’t let it. He doesn’t make a lot of promises anymore, but he makes one now. “I won’t bother you anymore.”

"Exactly. So you can stop being paranoid." He doesn't understand what his real death would change for Ichigo anyway. He spent the last however long under the assumption that Shiro was dead, and even since finding out that he's not, Shiro still hasn't been around much. What difference would it honestly make in Ichigo's life if Shiro did die for real.

The way Ichigo looks back at him has him studying Ichigo, trying to figure out the play here. But if this was for anything nefarious, Ichigo wouldn't have picked somewhere that was so obviously likely to make Shiro uncomfortable. And, he reminds himself again, Ichigo couldn't hurt him, or plan to have him hurt, even if he wanted. Ichigo doesn't have the spine for that, at least towards his long lost, beloved twin brother.

A brow arches dryly. "Seems like common courtesy to say you mean where you live when I ask if you know a place." He dismissed Ichigo after a second of eye contact and let's his attention finish sweeping the space. There isn't much to see. He doesn't bother taking his shoes off while he walks towards what passes for a kitchen. "I assumed that's what you meant." Going out. Or not out, but to some hole in the wall established, like the diner. He opens a cupboard, shuts it again without really looking at the contents, and turns to Ichigo. "I'm not trying to piss you off." It's not an apology and admission of guilt or an expression of feeling bad in anyway, but a matter of fact statement. "What do you have?" He sits down at the table, pushing his hood back and dropping an elbow to the surface so he can prop his chin in his hand. "I assume you wanted to talk or something."

#whitemoon #tsp activity check #devils' advocates au #ahh I went through a stint of alternating tenses #and it wasn’t even autocorrect #so you’re doing better than me 😂

[black--sun]

What does love feel like to you?

Tagged by: @reservedhealer

Tagging: Everyone

#memes #he really needs to find his happy place #i hope this wasn't specific to romantic love because yikes #we all know who this is about

[black--sun]

[black--sun]

Ichigo huffs. He can, but, “Probably not.” If not being paranoid were that easy, he would’ve stopped before this became a conversation. It’s not as if he likes feeling it. “I’ll work on it.” 

He slants Shiro a look. “Seems like common sense to say what kind of place you wanna go if you’re thinking of something specific.” They can both play this game, and while he’s at it, he takes a page from Shiro’s book on how to be a callous prick. “I don’t see a reason your assumptions should have anything to do with me.” 

He finishes shrugging out of his hoodie and changes from work clothes into a pair of shredded jeans and a dark t-shirt that doesn’t make friends with them. He folds everything and puts it away so it doesn’t take up more of the space than it needs to. It doesn’t matter now that the girls are gone and they aren’t sharing the room, but it’s habit.

“I know.” Though it’s probably still only a matter of time for both of them. 

“Whisky. Back of the top cabinet on the end.” In case Yuzu or Karin show up. There aren’t a lot of cabinets. It shouldn’t be hard to find. Same for the cups. It’s just cheap whisky, but it doesn’t need to be anything else to do the job. But Shiro’s already sitting and finished snooping when Ichigo turns around and crosses the room, so he grabs it himself. “Talking seems like the last thing we should do.” It hasn’t gone great so far. Though, it’s not like there’s anything else to do. He’s just disagreeing for the sake of it.

And he contradicts himself a moment later anyway. “Your side any better?”

"Exactly. So you can stop being paranoid." He doesn't understand what his real death would change for Ichigo anyway. He spent the last however long under the assumption that Shiro was dead, and even since finding out that he's not, Shiro still hasn't been around much. What difference would it honestly make in Ichigo's life if Shiro did die for real.

The way Ichigo looks back at him has him studying Ichigo, trying to figure out the play here. But if this was for anything nefarious, Ichigo wouldn't have picked somewhere that was so obviously likely to make Shiro uncomfortable. And, he reminds himself again, Ichigo couldn't hurt him, or plan to have him hurt, even if he wanted. Ichigo doesn't have the spine for that, at least towards his long lost, beloved twin brother.

A brow arches dryly. "Seems like common courtesy to say you mean where you live when I ask if you know a place." He dismissed Ichigo after a second of eye contact and let's his attention finish sweeping the space. There isn't much to see. He doesn't bother taking his shoes off while he walks towards what passes for a kitchen. "I assumed that's what you meant." Going out. Or not out, but to some hole in the wall established, like the diner. He opens a cupboard, shuts it again without really looking at the contents, and turns to Ichigo. "I'm not trying to piss you off." It's not an apology and admission of guilt or an expression of feeling bad in anyway, but a matter of fact statement. "What do you have?" He sits down at the table, pushing his hood back and dropping an elbow to the surface so he can prop his chin in his hand. "I assume you wanted to talk or something."

#whitemoon #tsp activity check #devils' advocates au

[black--sun]

He’s so strangely comforted by the violence Shiro promises. Like finding a warm place to hole up on a cold night. When did Ichigo stop thinking like that? It shouldn’t have him relaxing. But it’s just so Shiro, Ichigo finds himself pushing out a long breath that’s nearly amusement. “Right. There’s that.” There’s a better chance of dying quiet and unmarked in some alley, but he likes Shiro’s version better.

But that also has Ichigo thinking about his and the girl’s situation. Ichigo isn’t sure how anyone could know any of them are still alive. Kids die and go missing on the street all the time, and there’s no reason three pampered, prissy kids from the money side of the city should have survived. Suspected dead. He thinks that’s the term.

He isn’t sure which of them went quiet first, but the silence turns oppressive. It leaves him more focused on Shiro and where he’s at behind him than Ichigo wants to be. His back tingles with it, and he glances back, catching Shiro’s flat expression. But if Shiro is following, it must be by choice, because Ichigo knows he couldn’t wrestle him up the stairs or anywhere else, so he shakes it off.

He’s already halfway through pulling his hoodie off, but Ichigo pauses at that question, brow lifting. So he was getting moody. “You should’ve asked if you were going to follow me and then complain about where I went. I said a drink. Not a bar.” And it’s all he said. He eyes Shiro though and doesn’t finish pulling off his jacket. “You want to go out?” He knows a few places they could drink free all night if Shiro’s willing to put up with guys that think they're buying favors instead of drinks. “Fine with me. We can piss each other off anywhere, right?”

He frowns, opens his mouth to refute that, then frowns harder and closes his mouth. Despite his own boundaries and his own choice to distance himself, that still stings a little bit. After a second, he scoffs under his breath and huffs out, "Like I said; annoying." Evidently, bickering is the only brotherly thing he still knows how to do.

His eyes narrow slightly, but he thinks maybe that's genuine and not Ichigo thinking he's being subtle. He lets some of the defensive tension slip from his shoulders. "They were young." He remembers liking their uncle well enough when they were little. There was always -and still is- something mischievous and sly about him. He nods in response to Ichigo's words. Then, "Why didn't you go to him sooner?" And, because for once he's not looking to start something, "I don't know if I woulda either. But why do you trust him now?" He's certain Urahara hasn't told Ichigo or the girls anything about Shiro because Shiro would have definitely heard from them by now if so. Ichigo would probably be pissed and offended about it. So he wonders what changed or if Ichigo just never thought to seek Kisuke out.

He hates hearing that. "No you don't."

Pale brows furrow and his mouth twists into a disgusted expression that he aims Ichigo's way. "You are imagining things. I'm not scared. Why would I ever be scared of you? But you know what? Sayin' shit like that doesn't make me want to spend time with you."

#whitemoon #tsp activity check #devils' advocates au #of course

[black--sun]

Ichigo shrugs. “They had a falling out. They didn’t agree on some things. That’s what he says anyway.” And Ichigo believes it.

He huffs and narrows his eyes as he glances over. Sympathy? Where’d that come from? “You’d better not. That’s not even close to what I want from you.” He shakes his head. “Barely. You weren’t there.” It was always too close to going the other way. Shiro wasn’t around to see what he’d had to do. Or all the ways he messed up. In the end, he thinks Yuzu and Karin were tired of feeling like a burden, he never wanted to make them feel that way.

He suddenly realizes people have stopped behind them on the sidewalk. A couple. They aren’t all that close, but the way they linger uncertainly without approaching irritates him anyway. He clicks his tongue and starts walking again. “All I want is for you to stop saying you don’t know me anymore and then tell what I don’t need.” But he changes his mind, turning again. “No, I don’t even want that. I don’t need you around every second. I just want to be able to see if you’re still alive sometimes.” Fuck, he doesn’t know what he wants or how to say it. He wants to be able to call Shiro when he’s doubting himself over whether his brother exists at all. And he doesn’t even have a phone. He should get a phone.

The green building comes into sight, and Ichigo scans the area before those words distract him.

Somewhere in the middle of Shiro’s retort, Ichigo realizes that he’s mistaken ‘trying to get away’ with ‘not wanting to be around’. Between that and Shiro turning the accusation on him, it hits Ichigo like a foot to the gut. He closes his mouth and swallows, brows tightening. Then swallows again. “Maybe.” More than maybe, but he can’t get into it. He’ll pull it out later when he’s alone again and use it to keep himself from sleeping.

Long trails of soot stains fall in lines down green walls where water dripped from the upper floors. But the fire damage that cased it was so long before their time here, the replaced sections of wall and cinderblock are already peeling two layers of paint. There are a set of narrow stairs leading up to the first floor. Then they have to walk the entire hall to get to the stairs on the other side. Except the hall needs a new light, so the shadows fill most of the landing. It doesn’t give him pause. He knows where everything is and what dark shapes belong, and he would know if there were any that didn’t. He pulls his key out when they get to his floor. The door sticks, but comes open with a firm push.

He looks over the apartment, finding everything where it’s supposed to be before stepping aiside to let Shiro in. With its one room, the only place out of sight is the bathroom that must have been a closet once. Other than that, there’s a bed and a dish sink, a table, and a small built in shelf that holds a brief collection of books. They don’t have much, but what the girls didn’t take is stacked in random spots Yuzu must’ve thought looked tidy. He clicks on a lamp. “Shut it behind you.”

He frowns, opens his mouth to refute that, then frowns harder and closes his mouth. Despite his own boundaries and his own choice to distance himself, that still stings a little bit. After a second, he scoffs under his breath and huffs out, "Like I said; annoying." Evidently, bickering is the only brotherly thing he still knows how to do.

His eyes narrow slightly, but he thinks maybe that's genuine and not Ichigo thinking he's being subtle. He lets some of the defensive tension slip from his shoulders. "They were young." He remembers liking their uncle well enough when they were little. There was always -and still is- something mischievous and sly about him. He nods in response to Ichigo's words. Then, "Why didn't you go to him sooner?" And, because for once he's not looking to start something, "I don't know if I woulda either. But why do you trust him now?" He's certain Urahara hasn't told Ichigo or the girls anything about Shiro because Shiro would have definitely heard from them by now if so. Ichigo would probably be pissed and offended about it. So he wonders what changed or if Ichigo just never thought to seek Kisuke out.

He hates hearing that. "No you don't."

Pale brows furrow and his mouth twists into a disgusted expression that he aims Ichigo's way. "You are imagining things. I'm not scared. Why would I ever be scared of you? But you know what? Sayin' shit like that doesn't make me want to spend time with you."

#whitemoon #tsp activity check #devils' advocates au #he took the pterotrigonia out of the museum case 😩 #it still has its pearlescence #and all the little grooves it’s amazing #and the rest he went and removed from the deposit #so they literally still have dirt on them 😂 #just let me know where to send them

[black--sun]

“So were we.” They couldn’t have been more than six or seven, though it’s hard to remember exactly. But he thinks he was young all the way up until the day he was violently ejected from that life. Shiro is right. They aren’t the same people. Though even knowing that, he can’t let it go. 

Ichigo keeps forgetting to check behind them. It’s a small slip, but one he doesn’t usually make. He’s having to dig too deep into his brain just to talk about this. The discomfort of it pricks at him like needles flitting across his skin. That question is difficult and he has to concentrate to come up with an answer. “I never thought about it.” It hadn’t even crossed his mind. Not because they didn’t want help. “We weren’t trusting anyone. Not then.” Not now. For him anyway. “They wanted to go with him.” Another sting, but he buries this one like a pet ache. “You’re not the only one that isn’t great at taking care of people.” 

Something hits flashpoint at that denial, and he doesn’t see it coming. His hand snakes up to fist Shiro’s jacket to yank him around. He wants Shiro to understand this one fucking thing if he won’t accept anything else. “We need you.” But fuck that. More importantly, “We want you.” He doesn’t try to keep his hold as he spits out the rest of his frustration. “I didn’t know what needing something even was before, but I know now. So when I say it, don’t brush me off. I thought you were dead.” Shiro had never not been there before. He felt like half a person, he still does. He’s learned to live with it. It's like an old scar or a severed limb, but he knows what’s missing. He knows all the erased pieces keeping him from being a whole person.

He thinks that’s another one of Shiro’s rhetorical questions, but Ichigo answers anyway. “I don’t know. I don’t know what you’re trying to get away from if you're not.” He doesn’t flinch at that last statement, he snorts. “You already didn’t. I’m not losing much.” It still doesn’t feel great to hear out of his own mouth. Maybe this is just their relationship now. Meeting up to hurt each other.

He frowns, opens his mouth to refute that, then frowns harder and closes his mouth. Despite his own boundaries and his own choice to distance himself, that still stings a little bit. After a second, he scoffs under his breath and huffs out, "Like I said; annoying." Evidently, bickering is the only brotherly thing he still knows how to do.

His eyes narrow slightly, but he thinks maybe that's genuine and not Ichigo thinking he's being subtle. He lets some of the defensive tension slip from his shoulders. "They were young." He remembers liking their uncle well enough when they were little. There was always -and still is- something mischievous and sly about him. He nods in response to Ichigo's words. Then, "Why didn't you go to him sooner?" And, because for once he's not looking to start something, "I don't know if I woulda either. But why do you trust him now?" He's certain Urahara hasn't told Ichigo or the girls anything about Shiro because Shiro would have definitely heard from them by now if so. Ichigo would probably be pissed and offended about it. So he wonders what changed or if Ichigo just never thought to seek Kisuke out.

He hates hearing that. "No you don't."

Pale brows furrow and his mouth twists into a disgusted expression that he aims Ichigo's way. "You are imagining things. I'm not scared. Why would I ever be scared of you? But you know what? Sayin' shit like that doesn't make me want to spend time with you."

#whitemoon #tsp activity check #devils' advocates au #guess who got fossils??

[black--sun]

For just a second, he wonders if Shiro is onto something. If the happy family he remembers wasn’t all that happy. If maybe there was a reason someone sent men to kill them. But those thoughts slip out of focus, and he lets them. Shiro and his mind games, trying to turn things around on him. He rolls his eyes. “Right, fine. You were a terror and I’m lucky to be rid of you. I’m not sure what point you’re trying to win.” Not to mention he doesn’t want to be rid of him.

He huffs at the constant heat that seems to seep from every barbed word Shiro has for him. “Just making sure. The girls had trouble.” But they were a lot younger than Ichigo and Shiro. They hadn’t known Urahara had ever been their godfather. Even Ichigo isn’t sure if that was rescinded when Urahara and his parents had their falling out. “They’re with him now. That’s all I was getting at. Figured you should know.”

He’s glad they’re already headed for a drink. He hates this conversation. “We need you.” Maybe they did survive. That’s not always enough.

“Not looking, but once I saw you, I half figured you’d try to slip away if I gave you the chance. You’re so scared now. Unless you’re going to tell me I’m imagining that too, and you were always this spineless.”

He doesn't like the skeptical way Ichigo repeats him like there's something else to what he said. "Yeah." He drawls, "Not yet." He shouldn't have to explain himself further.

He tries not to match that uncomfortable motion when Ichigo shifts like that. His denial sounds exactly like someone who's mad might sound. His brows go up some and he hums a sound like it suddenly makes sense, because it does. Ichigo's mad he's not the one providing for the girls, and even more so because they're not within easy reach, not easy to keep an eye on. For a second, Shiro has the thought that they're fine because Urahara can watch them just fine but so can Shiro. Then the thought's gone, tucked away where Ichigo won't find it. He snorts a laugh, "When someone comes along and does something better than me, I do better. Or I beat the hell outta them." But Ichigo already knew that when he asked that rhetorical question. "What wouldn't I be fine with? You said so yourself: they're better off like this. Why would I have a say in it anyway?" He's not part of their lives anymore and hasn't been in a long time.

He doesn't particularly like the subject of the house and what happened there. He's caught by surprise by that offer though. He looks over, then in the direction they'd been walking, and back again. "Uh." Does he? He probably shouldn't. He doesn't need to be giving Ichigo the impression that they're going to start bonding or whatever. "Yeah. Ok. You know a place?"

#whitemoon #tsp activity check #devils' advocates au #it’s one of his better qualities c’:

[black--sun]

He sucks in a breath and holds it a step before pushing it out between his teeth. “Shut up.” To just… all of that. Asshole. “Were you always this annoying? I remember it different.” He shoots his twin another quick look then deflates slightly. “He’s not bad.” It’s said under his breath like he wouldn’t tell Kisuke to his face if he could help it. “I kept an eye on him a while. I didn’t just push them through his door.” He considers whether he should give Shiro any more details, and then considers whether Shiro wants any details, even if Ichigo bothers giving them. But he does enough dangerous shit to know he’s lucky he isn’t dead already, and someone should know. Even a reluctant jerk. “You remember, Uncle Kisuke?” Urahara stopped coming around when they were kids, but Ichigo still knew him on sight. But who knows what Shiro recalls these days.

“You just don’t want anyone counting on you.” Probably because Shiro thinks he’s not up to it or some shit like that. Like he’ll let them down. Maybe he will. “And you don’t want to have to count on anyone else, either.”

He looks over when Shiro breaks the silence. “You’ve gotta be kidding. I wasn’t looking for you. But I know you’re around.” So he’s always looking.

Ichigo takes a left, following the spider web of streets to the one that will eventually run by the building where he stays. He doesn’t bother stopping for the light, just dodges traffic to dart across streets until he makes it to the shadier part of town where people gather along the streets like they don’t have anywhere better to be.

He doesn't like the skeptical way Ichigo repeats him like there's something else to what he said. "Yeah." He drawls, "Not yet." He shouldn't have to explain himself further.

He tries not to match that uncomfortable motion when Ichigo shifts like that. His denial sounds exactly like someone who's mad might sound. His brows go up some and he hums a sound like it suddenly makes sense, because it does. Ichigo's mad he's not the one providing for the girls, and even more so because they're not within easy reach, not easy to keep an eye on. For a second, Shiro has the thought that they're fine because Urahara can watch them just fine but so can Shiro. Then the thought's gone, tucked away where Ichigo won't find it. He snorts a laugh, "When someone comes along and does something better than me, I do better. Or I beat the hell outta them." But Ichigo already knew that when he asked that rhetorical question. "What wouldn't I be fine with? You said so yourself: they're better off like this. Why would I have a say in it anyway?" He's not part of their lives anymore and hasn't been in a long time.

He doesn't particularly like the subject of the house and what happened there. He's caught by surprise by that offer though. He looks over, then in the direction they'd been walking, and back again. "Uh." Does he? He probably shouldn't. He doesn't need to be giving Ichigo the impression that they're going to start bonding or whatever. "Yeah. Ok. You know a place?"

#whitemoon #tsp activity check #devils' advocates au #AhskshskDGHK THATS SO MEAN I LOVE HIM SO MUCH #Ichigo is going to sock him in the nose #😂😂

[black--sun]

He huffs a cynical sound. Saying he’ll see them someday, but not yet is such an open ended commitment, it hardly means anything. Ichigo must’ve been beyond desperate for an agreement to ever accept that promise. Because technically, it could still be true all the way up until the day Shiro dies. That's the only expiration date. Those words meant nothing, except that Ichigo was dumb enough to fall for it. 

He shoots Shiro a look when he hums, but flicks it back to their surroundings. “I am doing better. Everyone’s doing better.” And he’s still… whatever he is about it. Which he was barely admitting to himself before Shiro came along, so he’s not sure why he’s bristling now. And the insinuation that he could have done better rankles, because he doesn’t think he could have, and it’s too late now anyway. “And I can’t exactly beat the shit out of the guy that’s looking after them.” He did try once or twice with frustrating results. But that was mostly unrelated.

That look lands back on Shiro. “Of course you don’t have a say in it. You could, but you don’t want that. I’m just saying I’m not surprised.” Because between the two of them, they could have been enough. 

He snorts a breath and starts walking the way Shiro was headed. “Yeah, I know places.” He knows where to get just about everything. He knows a lot of people he’d rather not. And if he finds out where some of them are, they won’t be around anymore. He pushes his hands into his pockets and takes them back toward the water and seedier streets.

He doesn't like the skeptical way Ichigo repeats him like there's something else to what he said. "Yeah." He drawls, "Not yet." He shouldn't have to explain himself further.

He tries not to match that uncomfortable motion when Ichigo shifts like that. His denial sounds exactly like someone who's mad might sound. His brows go up some and he hums a sound like it suddenly makes sense, because it does. Ichigo's mad he's not the one providing for the girls, and even more so because they're not within easy reach, not easy to keep an eye on. For a second, Shiro has the thought that they're fine because Urahara can watch them just fine but so can Shiro. Then the thought's gone, tucked away where Ichigo won't find it. He snorts a laugh, "When someone comes along and does something better than me, I do better. Or I beat the hell outta them." But Ichigo already knew that when he asked that rhetorical question. "What wouldn't I be fine with? You said so yourself: they're better off like this. Why would I have a say in it anyway?" He's not part of their lives anymore and hasn't been in a long time.

He doesn't particularly like the subject of the house and what happened there. He's caught by surprise by that offer though. He looks over, then in the direction they'd been walking, and back again. "Uh." Does he? He probably shouldn't. He doesn't need to be giving Ichigo the impression that they're going to start bonding or whatever. "Yeah. Ok. You know a place?"

#whitemoon #tsp activity check #devils' advocates au #Ichigo has so much going on in the background #hes technically straight in this verse #but its just ceased to mean anything to him #and he was in love for a while with another prostitute #his sisters not believing him is actually semi neutral #because he thinks itll resolve eventually #possibly #but if they think hes making it up then they're less likely to be hurt by Shiro being around and not seeing them #so its not so bad right now but hes not terribly happy about it #not that hes hiding that alksdjh

[black--sun]

[black--sun]

“Not yet,” he repeats. Though, if Shiro was reluctant to see them before, Ichigo thinks it’s less likely to happen now that they’re on less neutral territory. He gets that it’s hard. He doesn’t understand why it’s hard. But they’ve always been different. In the end, it’s not about him at all. He’s not sure they’ll understand why it’s hard either. If they still even believe him about Shiro. So much for trust. 

Shiro doesn’t even ask the question in an accusing way, and it still feels like finger pointing. Like he’s drawing attention to an ugly deformity on Ichigo’s personality. Ichigo shifts then pushes out a breath. “I’m not mad.” He doesn’t know what he is. It is a good thing. “It’s not even close to where I’m staying.” Fuck, that sounds selfish. It’s not even the real problem. There is no problem. There shouldn’t be. “I don’t know,” he snaps, eyeing street traffic behind them now. “Do you like it when you suck at something and someone else comes along and does it like it’s nothing?” That sounds even more selfish. He blows out a breath. “I’ll get over it. It’s what’s best. I’m sure you’re fine with it, so I won’t ask.” 

Ghosts. He doesn’t believe in ghosts. He’s seen enough bodies to know no one comes back. They just get more dead and decayed. If he thought there were ghosts, he might’ve gone himself. But that’s not what Shiro is saying anyway. Shiro means the kind that are in the mind. And they don’t need to visit a house to raise those ghosts, they take theirs with them. 

Ichigo would’ve gone with him, but he doesn’t even have to say it to know Shiro wouldn’t want that. 

It figures Shiro would go try to face his demons. It also figures that he wouldn’t find them there. He’s looking in the wrong place. They’re like the ghosts. 

He exhales and doesn’t have anything helpful to add, so, “Wanna get a drink?”

"Not yet." He doesn't quite see the problem. He said he would. He didn't say he would the next day or even the week. He didn't put a timeframe to it at all.

Ah. He can see it's a sore subject before Ichigo even manages words. He probably shouldn't be surprised, but he kind of is. Part of him just assumed this was Ichigo's doing, as an attempt to keep the girls safe, maybe especially after Shiro dug under his skin about it when they met. He nods at the response Ichigo gives. "Those are all good things, why do you look mad about it?"

He shrugs. "I don't know how those things work. Maybe they tried. I doubt anyone will wanna live there after what happened. It has ghosts." Not literally, but it feels that way. Maybe that's just how he feels about it, though. He, and probably Ichigo and the twins. Maybe it doesn't feel that way for other people, people who's family wasn't destroyed there. His attention coasts aside. "I dunno. I just felt like I needed to. I don't know what I expected."

#whitemoon #tsp activity check #devils' advocates au

[black--sun]

“You never came.” It’s not exactly a complaint. Just an observation. Mostly said for Shiro’s benefit, since he really seems like he doesn’t understand.

Ichigo’s shoulder nearly catches Shiro’s when his twin stops. He shrugs away from the near touch. “Because…” He lets his gaze coast to someone further down the street while he shuffles his words into a sentence. His teeth grind for a moment before he forces them still. He doesn’t feel up to explaining Urahara, and he doesn’t like his own answer. “A lot of reasons. It was best for them. They can do things now they couldn’t with me. School. Eat every day. Not worry about getting pushed into a van because they took the wrong street.” He sets his jaw. It keeps his mouth from going any further.

His eyes go back to Shiro and that almost sneer he’s working on. “I figured it’d be sold or the bank would have it.” Maybe some old lawyer of his parents’ has a caretaker looking in on it. He doesn’t argue that it should be in ruins. That seems right somehow. “Why’d you go back? I’d think it’d be the last place you’d wanna see.”

He scoffs an offended sound. "I'm not." He insists again, but realizes that arguing isn't going to convince anyone. It never did. And why does it matter to him if Ichigo thinks he's stable or not? It shouldn't. It doesn't. Ichigo's just trying to get under his skin and Shiro realizes he's letting him. "Whatever. If you really thought I was that terrible, you wouldn't want me around so bad. Especially around the girls. You're full of shit."

It's like defusing a bomb. The fire snuffs out to a thin string of smoke. He knows exactly which of those two options Ichigo would prefer it to be. "Everything." He mutters, tugging his sweatshirt a little tighter around him now that it's back on. He looks up to study Ichigo when he says he's on his side. "I think... maybe that's why I came to see you today." He realizes it might actually be true while he's saying it. He doesn't know what to do with that, which means he wont do anything with it and it'll go away.

This interaction is starting to get confusing, muddy. Too much of it is true, but not the truth he's been living with for what feels like his whole life. He's not sure where his general annoyance with Ichigo went. He nods distractedly. "This city is good for that." He can find all sorts of entertainment. He watches Ichigo move to the door and hesitate there. He did say that. A subtle, pinched, almost pained expression flickers through his features, but he nods again. "I wont forget. Green building, third floor. No address."

He watches Ichigo leave, not sure what he's feeling or thinking as he does. He waits a few minutes, then decides he should leave too.

#whitemoon #tsp activity check #devils' advocates au