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this is my favorite part of the us (2019) trailer and nobody giffed it, so i did

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You are beautiful :))

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Birthday Girl (50th)

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I

I gotfa make ththe thing

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i don’t trust men who are unable to maintain platonic relationships with women.

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There is NO reason to treat any person with any less humanity than any other person. Ebony gives me hope. Bless that woman.

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Meditation Day 1

First I started by watching a video on where to start and a couple different kinds/ways to meditate.

I played relaxing music and layed on my yoga mat. While watching the video, I prepared myself to meditate by stretching. The next time, I’m going to try focusing on calming my breathing while I stretch. 

My goal with meditation is too continue on my spiritual journey into myself. I want to gain more focus, be able to clear my mind, and allow those wandering thoughts to tell me things about myself that I wasn’t listening to before.

Today, my mind wandered to thoughts about success from YouTube as well as mental & physical health. 

Why do I believe my mind wandered to these places? Because these are the things that are most important to me as of now. I want to continue to grow myself and my platform on social medias. But I also have the personal goal of wanting to become more physically fit and to work directly on my mental health.

The only trouble I seem to have with staying on track is my time management skills. This should hopefully subside as I’ve asked a close friend for help and tips with marketing as well as planning ahead. Planning ahead is going to take some self discipline, but I know it’ll be worth it once I get it down packed...

Areas I’m going to work at:

- filming and editing on time or close to the schedule I would like to develop

     + this could be difficult when I get a job or start cosmetology school... I’ll have to brainstorm ways to keep myself creative and on task

- developing better eating habits 

     + time management is going to play a key role in this. Self discipline will help me stay on track when it comes to allowing cheat days or lack of proper prep.

- staying out of drama

     + I don’t see this being a difficult one simply because I don’t much entertain any issue that doesn’t directly have to do with/effect me. Being back in Chicago, that might just mean limiting the amount of time I spend at the club/social events rather than working on myself and my craft. 

- keeping up with therapy & medication

     + I know this can be difficult because schedules get so hectic, but if I try to maintain whatever power I DO have over my life/schedule, then I’m always happier. I can do this by sticking to the same day of the week at the same time for therapy groups and/or one on one sessions. I dooooo wanna try therapy groups out... couldn’t hurt.

- building relationships with people (aka stop isolating & interact with people more than just on screens (phone, tv, computer)

     + I get nervous to ask people if they would like to hang out or do something because I’m insecure. I just started to genuinely enjoy MY OWN presence, so there’s always doubt in my head that someone else already feels like this. This I will combat with therapy & forcing myself to just do it....

I think these are good areas to start in... wow day one was a great success. See you next time.

 Bye Babes!

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Me walking to the kitchen after 27 back-to-back bong rips

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James R. Eads

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i want to enjoy this magic with someone ✨

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Take A Jump ..

I’m writing this because I was laying in bed at my grandma’s house thinking about how much I didn’t want to go back to my shitty job. They don’t pay enough, buuuuut I’m scheduled a handful of banquets, which are much more money apparently.. idk the lil shift I worked hopefully doesn’t reflect how early they’re gonna cut me this weekend. I know they saw me jump in there and get a hold of it.... so that’s exciting. 

But next week I’ll be flying out to Los Angeles to visit & hopefully fall in love with it. There’s a lot of opportunities that are lining up nicely for me out there; an affordable apartment, a job that pays the bills, time to possibly get another job orrrr use that time to mainly focus on my YouTube and have time to myself, and most importantly, it’s a fresh start.

When I say a ‘fresh start’ I mean it in a completely breath of fresh air way. I’ll have the time and space to explore my freedom, work on my mental and physical health, and flourish. I’ll have the time to do these things that I have had on the back burner. I’ll have the time and space for self; to be able to continue on this self love journey. I’ll have the freedom to do my own grocery shopping which means I control what I eat to the fullest. My diet will consist of mostly organic items, if I can help it. My health insurance should reach all the way to Cali, so I’ll ge requiring myself to get back into therapy and follow whatever medical recommendations made by the doctor. That being said, I will also get to explore more of the medical side to marijuana. I would love to learn more about CBD. I get to explore a whole new way of living. I get to flourish into who I’ve been trying to break into for awhile.

I can’t wait to spend more time with some like minded family that’s two blocks away. Speaking of where I’ll live, let’s get into that. It’s a two bedroom, all to myself. Super cheap. Everything included. Walking distance (3/4 blocks) from Hollywood Blvd! I already mapped it out. There’s a grocery store within a 20 minute walk. There’s a CVS around the corner for all my CVS needs (quick grabs of essential things or a snack). I have all the restaurants I could imagine to choose from to eat (when I treat myself). I love the location because it makes it way cheaper to do the things EVERYONE wants to do. And that saves me money.

Oh, how am I gonna be saving while I’m out there since there’s all these distractions within such a close reach? Planning & budgeting. Most of the things I’m going to do will include continuing to implement the 50/30/20 rule with my adaptation of it. Then planning out when I’ll be going to do fun things (which includes things for YouTube unless work related) also helps me save money while still having fun. I don’t want to live too fast. I have to remind myself that it’s not going anywhere. 

I’m also aware that a lot of this takes time. Such as getting a therapist, paying off my debt, building healthy eating habits, building healthy lifestyle habits, getting adjusted to a completely different side of the country, not to mention making sure I keep my head screwed on. As you can imagine, I have an outline of a plan on how to keep this together.

Starting with making sure this is the place i want it live when I go visit next week. If everything passes the test, it’s locked and loaded. If not, I can do almost all of these things in Chicago. After I come back to Minnesota, send along my insurance information. That takes at least ten days to process, so by the time I’m ready to ship my things and move permanently, my health insurance will beat me there. This means I can immediately look for a therapist within reach. Next, I’ll be saving up any money outside of the nannying to pay off (in this order) my tickets, my credit card, new school, old school debts, and obviously maintain food in my fridge. That will be the beginning of teaching myself more self discipline and doing more things that benefit my overall health, not just a moment’s satisfaction. Through my health insurance, I’ll get another gym membership. That’s a double good thing because it’ll give me something productive to do that doesn’t cost much and I’ll love the results. This goes hand in hand with maintaining healthy food in my reach/fridge. I’ll be cooking at least 5 times a week. Saves money, is fun, and healthier. 

My mental health is my highest priority. But my YouTube is right under that. So I wanted to link them by using my channel to address some questions I knew I had and that other people ask me. Lately, I’ve gained more clarity as to what I want to focus on; a self taught, aspiring cosmetologist with mental health issues..... I know right. Perfect for me. I also want to check in with my spirit more often by going to church, doing worship, taking care of myself, and continuing along the journey I was put here for. 

I know this was long. But man, this is a huge jump for me.

& honestly, I think I’m actually ready for it. It feels good.

#los angeles #la #personal #moving #Bonnet Baddie #wish me luck #positivevibes

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Library Day w/ Gloomy Skies & More Jazz

     Today, I have ventured to the local library. It’s like my third time here, i believe. I love how peaceful it is and how everyone around me looks like theyre doing something productive, even if they might just all be playing Minecraft. Who knows.

     I did, however, come with a plan (as I always do) and I wanted to share it with whoever might be reading this! I’m applying to jobs today (mostly babysitting jobs), editing the couple of videos I don’t have finished, but already recorded, sip my tea, get some reading in, write my project (stay tuned for a thread of blogs about thaaaaat!!), and enjoy the headspace. 

     Whole days at the library might be tough for me at first, but I know this won’t be the last time I choose to spend my entire day in a library instead of home or around people. That means I know I gotta get used to it. Get used to self discipline, time alone, UNSTRUCTURED time, and going with my creative flow.

     I curled my hair before I left the house, so now I’m feeling myself lol

~this blog was inspired by the desk I’m sitting at, my amazing (boozeless) tea, and my project~