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cccccmiklosovic · 9 months

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the secrets of thunderstorms

pairing: sirius black x potter!fem!reader word count: 2.6k warnings: fluff, angst, cursing, not proofread summary: when sirius knocks on your bedroom door in the middle of the night during a thunderstorm

a/n: first fic hehe i hope you all like it! it kinda went a different direction than planned and idk if i fully like it, but here it is!

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it was the middle of the night, probably close to one o'clock in the morning, rain was pouring on your windows and rolling thunder could be heard every few minutes. maybe that's why you didn't hear the knocks at first. they were quiet... well, quiet compared to the thunder that didn't seem to be able to just stop. it was keeping you awake, and we were just about to go crazy from frustration. so, perhaps, the knocking was a blessing in disguise.

the knocks were coming from your bedroom door. specifically, the one that led to your garden patio. it was your favorite relaxing spot on sunny days, but it wasn't sunny then. it wasn't sunny and it wasn't daytime. it was storming and it was one-in-the-fucking-morning.

whoever was at your door was about to feel your wrath.

you rolled out of bed with a groan, slipping on some slippers and pulling on your robe. shuffling to the door, you pulled your robe further around your body to fight the chilled night air and pulled the door open.

the sight in front of you was a surprise. usually he went to your twin brother, james potter, when he needed something, so why was he standing at your door? he looked rather pitiful. his long, dark hair was soaked and dripping water onto his already more-than-damp clothes, which were sticking to his skin. he seemed to be out of breath, and his hand was raised in a fist, as if he was about to knock one more time.

you pull him inside without a word and rush to find a towel in your bathroom, finding a recently washed one, you throw it to him, not looking to see if he's caught it. instead, you rush to james room, effectively sneaking in as you had done a thousand times before. you steal some shorts and a shirt before shutting the door soundlessly, tiptoeing back to your bedroom.

when you arrived, you threw the clothes at sirius.

"change in the bathroom." you nodded your head in the direction of the bathroom, taking a seat on the edge of your bed.

sirius nodded, "thanks, love."

knowing he was in a distressed mood, you held back your glare at the nickname. he wasn't supposed to call you that anymore, not after everything. you closed your eyes and leaned your head back with a sigh.

you didn't acknowledge him until he took a seat in the desk chair across from you.

"why are you here, sirius?" you kept your voice even as you stared at him.

"to get away." it was a believable enough answer to someone who knew his situation.

you kept your stare on him, picking apart his expressions and body language. he looked down to avoid your eyes. looked like a ashamed puppy, who was caught doing something he wasn't supposed to.

you were so confused, honestly so fucking hurt. you refused to show him that, though. you just hoped your tone didn't betray you. "not good enough. why did you come to me, sirius? you always go to james."

he dragged a hand through his hair. fuck, you loved his hair, you missed running your fingers through it. you missed him. he looked at you with a sheepish smile. "i didn't wanna... wake him?"

never mind. you didn't miss him. you wanted him to leave.

you closed your eyes and took a deep breath, trying to keep your tears at bay. when you open them, you look around the room. looking everywhere but him.

god, he hated that.

when you answered, your voice sounded slightly desperate and hurt and vulnerable. "why are you here?" you ask just once more.

he sighed, he came here to make you like him again, he might as well give you the truth. "listen, y/n, i fucked everything up-" he tried to explain, but he couldn't concentrate when your eyes were everywhere but on him. "fuck, y/n, could you just look at me?" his tone was desperate. "please?" he refused to continue till your eyes met his, and the tears in your eyes broke his heart.

"i messed up that day, i know i did. i was with her and all the sudden she was kissing me, and i was kissing her back. fuck, i was so drunk. that's no excuse, i know, but i-" he took a deep breath to gather his thoughts and stop his rambling. "james was telling me you liked me back, so i thought, 'shit, maybe i'll go for it.' so i did. i started talking with you more, spent more time alone with you, and i just- i fell for you even harder." he wanted you to believe him so badly. he needed you to.

"i was walking to ask you out, on a real date, and you were sitting with fucking lucius malfoy. he was fucking flirting with you, and you weren't stopping him." he looked away from you for a minute before continuing, "i didn't think to ask you about it. i just- i saw red. i took the rest of moony's liquor and got shit-faced. i don't even remember the girl's name, maybe that makes it worse, i don't know. next thing i know, i see you there, and you're runnin' away crying and i didn't even run after you. i just kept on kissing the girl."

silent tears were streaming down your face at this point, and you kept your eyes on him as he finished his story.

"when i got back to the common room the next morning, i was violently hung over, and the first thing that happened was james punching me right in the left eye. had a bruise there for two weeks after," he laughed softly, "he told me that you were stuck with lucius for a school project so you had to deal with him. i knew i fucked it all up then." he met your eyes again, a desperate look in them as he came and took your hands in his. he so badly wanted to wipe your tears away. "i'm sorry. i'm so sorry. fuck, i never wanted to hurt you. i promised james i wouldn't. i need you to believe me when i tell you: i want you. i don't want anyone else but you."

you took another deep breath and wiped your tears away on the sleeve of your robe. you took in his story slowly, you understood where he was coming from, and you wanted him, too. you knew you did.

sirius looked at you with hopeful eyes. you pulled him up from his knees. "come get some sleep, okay? it's been a long night."

it wasn't quite forgiveness yet, but you weren't turning him away. he knew you'd come around, but that you wanted to sleep it over. you faced away from him in bed and tried to steady your breathing. hesitantly, sirius pressed his chest to your back and put his arm around your waist, pulling you to him.

he just wanted to hold you.

you didn't move away. instead, you relaxed at his touch and fell asleep. he placed a small kiss on your temple before falling asleep right after you.

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you woke up to someone's fingers running through your hair. your head is on said someone's chest, and your legs are intertwined. the memories of the