cloudselkie - Tumblr blog

cloudselkie · 4 months

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When you first started practicing, did you ever have trouble letting go or forgetting a spell after you did it? I know that obsession can be a spell killer but sometimes I can’t help when my mind wanders and I think of the spell or potential outcomes

When I first started practicing this was one of the first notions I was disabused of. So while I think I recall pondering the concept, especially while I was developing my understanding of manifestation, it's not something I currently believe in.

"Random thoughts that pass through my mind can ruin my magic or cause bad things to happen" is not a magical rule. It's not a law of magical physics under which all magic operates. It's a personal belief that some people choose to adopt.

And in my opinion it's one of the poorer beliefs to adopt, because if we spend like two minutes pondering it, I think we can agree that it's not only a shitty way to treat your own practice, but it also just does not make sense at all.

As far as I can recall, the justification for this belief is that if you think about your own spells, they are "pulled back" towards you, preventing them from being able to go to their destination and carry out the work. In addition to that, perhaps you are "tainting" your spellwork by dragging it down with emotional baggage.

However, all of this is immediately solved if you don't operate on a paradigm that your spells are defenseless blobs power created out of the pure thought and belief.

But even if we do operate on a paradigm that spells are blobs of thought power:

I don't believe there is any reason to think that casual thoughts create real metaphysical connections or "cords" with anything.

I think that believing that any random passing thought you have creates real metaphysical tethers is a harmful brainworm.

Not only do I think it encourages you to treat your own mind as an unsafe space where random thoughts can literally hurt you in a real metaphysical sense, or at least harm your willful efforts towards progress and change,

But I just don't believe it to be true at all, because we don't see the results of it when we apply it to anything verifiable.

For example, we might say that spells are a special circumstance where thinking about them always creates an energetic tether or energetic baggage. Perhaps spells are a special case for the following reasons:

The spell was personally created by you, so there is a special link or connection there which wouldn't exist for other things.

Spells exist in nonphysical state, which is more susceptible to being warped by random thoughts being "attached" to them.

If these things are true, then I believe the following would also have to be true:

Literally everything you've ever created has a special link to you that will be pulled towards you every time you randomly think about it, which means if you've ever knit something and then lost it, simply thinking about it will automatically draw the object towards you, such objects perhaps even returning into your life years or decades later because you created them and sometimes thought about them.

Other things you've created which only exist in nonphysical states, like original characters, are susceptible to being warped and losing their true form if you randomly think about them in ways that don't correspond to canon. In other words, you will not be able to control the canon of that character because random thoughts automatically change what you've intentionally worked towards. Which... we know isn't true. You can choose the canon for your characters and it stays that way no matter what little AUs you randomly think of them being in.

And this isn't even to mention that even if an energetic cord does exist, there is no particular reason to think the cord has a drawing or magnetic effect.

And, this also doesn't address the idea that spells aren't necessarily like sponges. There is no reason, in my point of view, to assume that a random spell will automatically absorb any energy sent to it at all.

In fact, I believe that spells often tend to have quite reactive and self-protective natures.

Go on a thought experiment with me here, Anon:

We cast a distance protection spell for our friend. It's our intent to send our friend very warm, cozy, guardianship energies. The spell is created out of our intent and willpower, and perhaps some raised energy, and we send it on it's way.

Then randomly the next day we accidentally start thinking about the spell, and how good it will be to help our friend get out of that "cold," unsafe situation they're in.

So, working on this paradigm, we would assume that thinking about someone we care about automatically hurts our efforts to help them, which again I can't point out enough how weird I think that is, but also,

We would have to assume that our warm protection spell is somehow easily susceptible to feelings of doubt and danger, when it's literal purpose is to melt away and transform those feelings and realities.

So we'd have to believe that our spell is so weak that a few random thoughts that it is designed to overcome can "kill" it.

Which leads us to the next point, would we assume that our random thoughts would have the power to affect a well-cast spell?

I mean, not at you directly Anon, but how weak are we assuming the spell is that all the steps we did to cast it (like.... grounding, entering trance state, raising energy, charging candles, chanting, praying, releasing energy, making offerings of thanksgiving) are literally going to be overwhelmed by randomly thinking, "awwh dang, I hope the spell ends up manifesting this certain outcome, that would be really cool if it did."

Like, if we're saying that the power of random thoughts can control, influence, and dismantle metaphysical energies with almost no effort on our part whatsoever, then what is the point of ever "casting a spell?"

Under this exact same logic, you should just be able to randomly think about what you desire coming to pass, and links will automatically be created to it to pull it towards you, and those energies of desire will have *as much power as an actual spell* to bring it to you.

I mean, if this is all true, why would anyone ever learn how to reverse a spell? All they'd have to do is think random thoughts about a prior spell to eliminate it.

None of this very much even touches on the idea that if you use a separate spellcasting paradigm, none of this is relevant at all.

Suppose you summon a spirit and pay it to carry out a task. The spirit is a real entity that exists independently of you. The spell is not a blob of your mental energy encoded towards a purpose; it's an entity who's going to act on your behalf.

Are we now saying that your random thoughts count as a clear psychic link to entities and they are watching you 100% of the time and interpreting your random thoughts as new spell instructions?

Because in my experience, once you've set those guys on a task, it actually kind of doesn't matter what you think - they're going to do what you asked unless you specifically call them back to the ritual space and ask them to do something else, which they might not even agree to do.

Or another method perhaps - devotional faith. You pray to a god and complete earnest devotional rituals in pursuit of some particular manifestation.

So, your thoughts have the power to control or dismantle that god's efforts? Or, the god watched you perform that special ritual night after night, and then is randomly like "lmao well this morning she idly wondered what the outcome might be so fuck her, I'm not doing it then"?

In the greater scheme of things, Anon, I actually think it's quite difficult to accidentally ruin spells just by pondering the outcomes that might occur, or to have personal doubt, or even to feel very anxious and worried and filled with disbelief.

And regardless of how easy or hard it is, I encourage you to avoid adopting spellcasting "rules" which by default make your own mind an unsafe space for your magic.

#yes #all of this

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cloudselkie · 4 months

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THE TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION TELLS CHUCK TINGLE TO STAY HOME BUT WE PROVE LOVE ANYWAY

just when you buckaroos thought 2024 would be a break from book drama, here comes chuck tingle in the mix. recently i was asked to be a featured speaker at the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION annual conference. a few days ago they rescinded my invitation. here is what happened.

(EDITED TO ADD THIS LINK. if you have a hard time reading this on way of tumblr you can also read for free on chucks patreon)

i would like to start off by saying it is not my intent to start a fight, and all those reading this should know that the actions of a few misguided folks do not speak for the whole TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION. i am sure there are many involved who will be very upset to learn what others at TLA have done in their name. there are many individuals here, so please do not paint them all as villains in your mind. besides, chuck loves the dang library everyone knows that.

the point of writing this is not to vilify. i am writing this is because MOMENTS OF DARKNESS are the best places to SHINE A LIGHT AND PROVE LOVE IS REAL. this is a perfect time for learning and growing and for us talk on some very important things that queer buckaroos and neurodivergent buckaroos face every day. this is an unfortunate moment that WE can turn around and use to prove love is real.

i am also writing this to understand some of my own personal feelings on the matter. for something that seems very simple on the surface, the trot is complex, and i am still working out my emotions on the whole dang thing. i am learning in this way.

PART ONE: BAG OF LOVE

a few months ago chuck was asked to be a featured speaker at the 2024 TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION ANNUAL CONFERENCE. i have been asked to do things like the before and it is ALWAYS a fun time to meet bookseller and librarian buds. trotting around face to face and talking about my story of conquering chronic pain and overcoming my mental hurdles is VERY IMPORTANT to me. i say YES to these things whenever i can. (here i am with authors at CALIFORNIA INDEPENDENT BOOKSELLERS ALLIANCE conference. they are a WONDERFUL group and they proved love with their OWN invitation to chuck. this was such a moving event with so many amazing authors and stories. got very teared up during this photo)

ANYWAY BUCKAROOS i get the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION invite and say 'YES BUD LETS TROT'. we are then confirmed.

months pass. a few weeks ago i get a call from my manager and agent and publisher saying ‘the TLA have rescinded their invitation.’

turns out some things had been going on behind the scenes

at some point the TLA asked chucks INCREDIBLE HEROIC BAD ASS PUBLISHER if chuck would be okay with not wearing the mask, to which tor/nightfire/macmillan said ‘what the heck are you talking about of course chuck is going to wear his mask. this is how chuck presents himself’ (NOT EXACT QUOTE)

as you all know, my pink bag way is a VERY IMPORTANT SPACE. as an autistic buckaroo it is a boundary that allows me to express myself freely and relieve my chronic pain from neurotypically masking all day. i have talked about this for years, and it is why i consider my private identity a SACRED THING. it is literally a health issue.

fortunately THE PINK BAG is never really a problem when making appearances. i have spent years going on television shows, doing interviews, speaking at other conferences and conventions, hosting book events on tour, and even MEETING WITH LAWYERS in my pink face covering. it is always respected and that is very validating to my way.

when arriving anywhere i always take precautions. i always warn buckaroos ahead of time that there is a masked man coming. i always have someone go in ahead of me JUST IN CASE. again, there has never been an issue. at a big conference where i am a special guest there is ESPECIALLY not an issue because my face and bio are printed IN THE DANG PROGRAM

SOME FUN TIMES AT BIG EVENTS BELOW:

CHUCK ON TV SHOW NAME OF 'AT MIDNIGHT' BACK BEFORE I WROTE LOVE IS REAL ON MY HEAD:

well, there has never been an issue.... UNTIL NOW.

PART TWO: RESCINDED

a few days ago TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION suddenly messaged my publishers and said that chuck tingle is no longer invited. my invitation was rescinded. the reason given was that people could possibly be uncomfortable with my mask

right out of the gate i would like to say this: it is absolutely the right of the texas library association to disinvite someone from their conference. it is their event, after all, and they can ban anyone they would like, for any reason.

of course, that doesnt mean other folks HEARING THIS NEWS wont have their own opinions the TLA choices. if the TLA disinvites someone, their reasoning for doing this can be discussed and analyzed. whether or not they follow their own guidelines can be questioned, and certainly their kindness and tact can be considered

there are a few BIG POINTS to make regarding this choice from the TLA

first and foremost, i just gotta say buckaroos, it is incredibly rude to invite someone to be a guest speaker at your event, have them confirm and mark off their calendar and turn down other offers, then rescind their invitation. this is maybe the simplest of the points, but it is an important one.

second, (DEEP BREATH HERE WE GO BUCKAROOS) i personally do not think of my autism as a disability very often, but i also KNOW that despite these feelings it ABSOLUTELY IS. autism is important to be listed as a recognized disability because of the help some autistic buckaroos need regarding government programs and things like that. ALSO just because my neurodivergence has helped me in some ways (hyperfocus and a unique artistic sensibility for example). i personally need to step back and remember my battle with stress and chronic pain from having to neurotypically mask all the time. for as much as i love being autistic it has made some things very difficult.

in other words, i am perfectly capable of speaking and interacting with folks without this pink bag on my head BUT WHEN I AM IN THE CHUCK TINGLE SPACE I REQUIRE IT. i can ONLY use this space while covering my face. is not a want. it is a need. holding this boundary is more important than i can ever say. i will not, and can not, let these spaces cross.

TLA not letting an autistic author wear the face cover theyve set up to express their neurodivergence in a safe, healthy way is--for lack of a better term--NOT A GOOD LOOK.

i cannot fathom them disinviting another author for using a disability aid. i cannot fathom them saying that a buckaroo who hears better with a hearing device cannot use it during their panel because it would make others 'uncomfortable'.

but here we are.

PART THREE: WHAT DOES A BUCKAROO GOTTA DO TO GET BANNED AROUND HERE?

this is the TLAs official stance on disability issues according to their website:

when poking around on the TLA website i noticed a few other things. i noticed a previous guest speaker wearing a niqab, and i was left wondering if the religious significance is what make that okay but chuck tingle banned. that made sense until i looked deeper and saw mascot buckaroos dressed up on the exhibition floor, and saw some kind of spiderbud in a costume contest. nobody around them seemed to be all that scared. their invitations REMAINED INTACT.

it should be mentioned here that AT ONE POINT during the discussions an email was sent from TLA saying chuck is allowed to come and wear his mask in the exhibition halls and smaller panels, just not at any of the big PAID PANELS i was once supposed to participate on. this was a confusing offer, but their explanation was that people who paid for something should have the option to not see chucks 'scary neurodivergence aid'. i tried to wrap my head around WHY they would make a distinction. maybe the exchange of money (rather than time) causes some kind of philosophical adjustment that i just cant grasp?

i wonder, would the author who wears a niqab ALSO be banned from the paid panels? i hope not

my answers trotted up short until i investigated deeper and found this quick moment from one of the TLA help videos. while some events DO require additional buckaroo cash, it actually appears that THE ENTIRE CONFERENCE IS TICKETED AND COSTS MONEY.

at this point i realized there is clearly no actual official policy about not covering your face (other than one from a few years ago saying that you HAVE to cover your face), and the addition of 'money' is a red herring. these excuses make no sense

PART FOUR: CLOSE THOSE GATES

it appears that my neurodivergence is 'scary' enough to get me uninvited, REGARDLESS what their disability and mask policies may say

BUT WHY? why is chucks preferred physical presentation valued SO little by the TLA that a THEORETICAL complaint is worth more? is my neurodivergent expression so awful? is my own safety as a queer activist such an afterthought?

is a pink bag with the words 'love is real' scrawled across the front REALLY going to frighten someone when the posters and pamphlets on the way into in panel would have a photo of my masked face saying THIS IS LITERALLY WHO IS ABOUT TO APPEAR BEFORE YOU.

if THAT accommodation is too much, would it really be so difficult to have someone trot out beforehand and make an announcement? to say 'there is someone on this upcoming panel who needs a mask to express this part of himself, if this makes you uncomfortable then this panel might not be for you'.

and really, i have to heckin ask, is this physical expression of my raw inner truth really so hideous and frightening that fear of making someone uncomfortable is a REAL problem?

(a terrifying display of autism. apparently)

i cannot imagine what kind of precautions they need to take before a stage play featuring costumes and masks.

you MIGHT think chucks queerness and left leaning politics could be the issue with this organization, but they have had drag queens as past speakers (also featuring some GLORIOUS makeup and hair that covers almost all of their faces. VERY CURIOUS). regardless, the TLA do not seem like a conservative bunch.

if you are bisexual or an autistic person who is good at 'passing' you probably already know where this is headed, your dang spiderbuckaroo senses are tingling at FULL ALERT. i will say i do not KNOW the real reason why i was uninvited, and i do not have enough information to make any concrete statement of the real answer. there is only evidence that masks have been fine at TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION events in the past, but not much else to go on.

so the FACTS part of our discussion ends there, but i think it opens us up to talk about some very important feelings that bisexual and autistic buckaroos know well.

THIS is where we take a unfortunate, hurtful moment and turn it into a discussion. this is where we prove love is real.

as someone who is constantly doubted and put through purity tests because of my unique way, we are pushing up against a subject i know well. thats right buckaroos: we are talking GATEKEEPING

AGAIN, i do not know if this is the answer, but someone in my position might be VERY STRONGLY INCLINED TO THINK that a few well-meaning left leaning buckaroos think i am a joke and that this is a character, and that there is something problematic about my work because i am not really a real person.

any upstanding left leaning organization would OF COURSE allow a mask for a neurodivergent buckaroo with an unusual visual presentation, an autistic buckaroo who conquered his chronic pain ONLY by creating this important space... but what about a FAKE autistic buckaroo?

any upstanding left leaning organization would OF COURSE allow a mask for a queer LGBTQ activist standing up for gay and trans rights against a torrent of scoundrels hunting for his legal identity. its a matter of safety... but what about a FAKE queer activist?

let me be very clear for the 100th time: i am a real person. this is not a joke. i am not playing a character. i am really autistic and bisexual. tinglers are sincere and they are not ‘so bad theyre good’. they are just good. camp damascus is not ‘my first serious book’ because my queer erotica is serious. my art is important and real.

when people tell me to unmask they often do not know WHY they want it, and of course one very good reason is innocent curiosity. but there are SOME cases where i start to get THAT feeling--that tingle all of us ‘passing’ buckaroos get when we can sense the real intent behind the poking and prodding. that is the feeling of stumbling into a gatekeepers crosshairs.

if i was to take off my pink bag, what about my face would you analyze to tell if i was REALLY queer. my eye color? my ear shape? if you learned my legal name, would you see if it sounded autistic? is my voice neurodivergent enough?

or is all of that utterly absurd? i am curious what the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION thinks.

PART FIVE: GENDERED

this will be the shortest of parts, but it has to be said. i have a very complex relationship with gender, as written about at length here and here. i understand these things can be difficult to parse for some, but i ask that you trust me when i say that the ONLY reason i have been able to talk about my gender and sexuality and learn these things about myself is because of this pink bag. this outward appearance is a direct expression and reflection of my gender journey.

if the texas library association does not care about my appearance as an expression of my autism, then i cant imagine them giving a dang about it as an expression of my gender and queerness. that being said, it is personally very important to me and i think it should be mentioned

PART SIX: SO YOU WANT TO REMOVE AN AUTISTIC QUEER AUTHOR FROM YOUR EVENT BECAUSE PEOPLE MIGHT FIND THEIR DIFFERENCES SCARY

there is a question to be asked here: how could the TLA have done this correctly?

i have one very big piece of advice i would like to shout from the rooftops. please, for the love of sweet barbara, DO ENOUGH RESEARCH to know if this appearance will be a problem and, IF SO, dont extend an invitation in the first place. unique buckaroos with different presentations are constantly left in this place of limbo because we are bombarded with careless actions like those of the TLA. before you consider extending a branch to an artist who might need more accommodations than usual, think to yourself 'CAN WE MAKE THESE ACCOMMODATIONS?'

putting all of this on the shoulders of a single 'buckaroo with a difference' is exhausting. as the TLA has shown, we currently live on a timeline where a buckaroo like myself never really knows if an invite is SOLID without doing a deep dive history lesson on how often a group discriminates and against who.

i did not want to spend my whole family holiday worrying whether or not i should say something publicly or just lie down and shut my dang mouth. i had to consider HOW i should say it. i had to worry whether or not its worth standing up for myself in the face of the largest state library association in the country. i think buckaroos with differences are with me when i say: WE ARE SICK OF HAVING TO DO THIS WORK TO COVER FOR THE POOR BEHAVIOR OF LARGE ORGANIZATIONS WHO TREAT US BADLY

another option would just be to use kindness and common sense and happily accommodate artists with unique presentations to your conventions

PART SEVEN: LOVE IS STILL REAL

i would like to close by saying THANK YOU to my publisher nightfire and editor kelly for standing up for me. they immediately stood firm and had my back. they are the real dang deal. THANK YOU to my management and agent buds dongwon and gino for trotting along beside me. THANK YOU to the folks at the texas library association who initially invited chuck with goodness in their heart and then likely got bowled over by someone else, and maybe even got knocked to the side by a big closing gate.

i hope there are librarians in texas who are still interested in carrying BURY YOUR GAYS when it comes out (which is ironically about someone who creates a space through art to express their queerness where they cant otherwise). libraries prove love is real and what they do IS SO IMPORTANT. it was SO IMPORTANT TO ME as a young buckaroo and i cannot thank you enough. i am not sure if me writing all of this will hurt my sales in some way, but this opportunity to speak about the reality of disability awareness and queer gatekeeping is too important to stay silent. (if you have not already preordered BURY YOUR GAYS then give it a preorder to make up for some texas library losses i guess.)

which leads me to my final thank you. THANK YOU to the buckaroos reading this. yes YOU. i am in the position to stand up and speak my mind against scoundrel forces ONLY because i have the might of you buckaroos by my side. the buckaroo trot is ALL OF OUR TROT and we are ALL HERE TO PROVE LOVE. i cannot tell you how much i appreciate the way you have created a space for me to express these important parts of myself. you have seen this pink mask over my face and saying YES, I ACCEPT YOU, you have literally saved my life. for that i am so thankful.

if you are UPSET by what youve read here, then turn it into something positive. you can support autistic creators, or make a donation to the AUTISTIC SELF ADVOCACY NETWORK

and besides WHO IS REALLY MISSING OUT? this is what it looks like when you invite the worlds greatest author chuck tingle to your event and treat their identity as valid. WE HAVE A DANG GOOD TIME

youtube

KEEP TROTTING INTO THE FUTURE. KEEP KICKING DOWN GATES WHEREVER THEY MAY BE. KEEP PROVING LOVE IS REAL AND PROVING IT TOGETHER. lets go buckaroos - chuck

UPDATE AN HOUR AFTER POSTING:

true buckaroo TJ KLUNE was set to be another author on panel chuck was removed from and has informed me he has now chosen to decline his invitation in support and solidarity with chuck. i am so deeply moved by this. thank you from bottom of heart buckaroo

to be very clear TJ has a huge platform and DOES NOT NEED TO DO THIS. these conferences are great for book sales and he is taking a hit out of pure solidarity. this is queer buckaroos standing up for eachother. i am floored by this kindness and love

please consider checking out his books if they are not already covering your dang bookshelf. chuck blurbed IN THE LIVES OF PUPPETS and i was blown away i heckin loved it

#I am so sorry for my state's inability to actually be accepting #it's why we're moving to Connecticut later this year #hopefully TLA will learn their lesson

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cloudselkie · 4 months

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hi, im really new to witchcraft and I've been interested in delving into planetary Intelligences and ig basically the idea of calling spirits (if that's the right word) to help me out. but honestly everytime i think about actually doing it i feel really really afraid. do you have any advice on how to stop feeling so uncomfortable? i just kinda feel afraid that I'm gonna piss something off and everything is gonna go to shit

Hi anon! Welcome to the wonderful world of witchcraft and spirit work ^-^

I think this is one of those things that doesn't go away with an easy answer.

Depending on where you're from, many of us were raised with deep fear of spirits and witchcraft, or even just the occult in general.

It's not wrong to be afraid, and fear itself can have a complex and powerful role in witchcraft; but I believe that's aside the point of someone trying to get into witchcraft and going "oh no! What if these forces are actually malevolent assholes who can't wait to tear me to shreds the very second I flub a line?"

But fear is information, right? One solution is to start learning and internalizing new, more balanced information, to help temper this response.

Gaining information can include things like:

Reading books from authors who work with planetary intelligences, who are able to speak on the personalities and behaviors of these intelligences

Linking up with other practitioners in a group setting and learning about their experiences

And eventually:

Performing rituals you're comfortable with and gaining information through experience

As far as I'm concerned, planetary magic is pretty decent to start out with. The planets are good guys, they're forgiving, not really all that uptight, and the magic is effective and powerful.

Some people might say, just jump right in! Start with a developed system and use the rituals of people who have done this thing a lot and have specially prepared rituals for beginners to try out what they want to try. Get over your fear by plunging in.

Which, sure, definitely do so if you'd like to.

But on the other hand, if you'd prefer to explore your fear a little more and gain balancing information first, why not do that?

Ultimately, I really don't think anyone out here should be working with beings they think are going to cause major shit if they get a little bit pissed off.

Recently I was speaking to a friend who voiced some concerns about spirit work, especially the possibility of making spirits angry and therefore aggressive. My response was, yeah, that's fine if they do that; accidentally pissing someone off is a normal part of interpersonal connection.

For example, imagine you run into a mother and her baby at the grocery store. You strike up a brief conversation, and overtaken by how cute that little baby is, you say, "what a cute baby!" and you grab and wiggle it's little foot.

The mother, reasonably, says, "no. Stop touching my baby. You shouldn't touch my baby."

And based on her expression, she means it.

So you say, "oh my gosh! I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me. You're right, that was inappropriate."

And she chills out and then the two of you follow each other on TikTok and trade information on farmer's markets.

So it's kind of like this in spirit relationships, too. Anger and aggression aren't bad. When you go over the line, a shift in tone that encourages you to get back into your lane isn't bad.

It's information; it's telling you that you shouldn't be doing that. It's information that you choose how to act on.

The problem is if you choose to work with spirits who then decide to put you through shit if you do anything to ever dare piss them off, no matter how innocent or accidental your mistake was.

Which... don't work with spirits like that. And the planets aren't like that.

I dunno, I piss my spirits off. Not on purpose, but it happens. I pissed off my Initiator just last week and got lectured for a half-hour. I pissed off Mercury (planet) real bad once too. And he was just like, "ok, well... don't you do that again >:|"

If you're afraid of working with a category of spirits (like, planetary intelligences), ask yourself if there is any category of spirits you would feel comfortable with.

If your conclusion is that any spirit might start big shit with you if you make a mistake, then that information I suspect would reveal more about you than the spirit world.

Yeah. Work with the planets if you like; they're good guys. Take a step back and immerse yourself in things a little more if you feel the need to. Work with different spirits instead if you like. But I suspect that there is no single key that is going to resolve this for you. Big Fear Of Spirits is a big fear to transform.

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